I thought things were getting better. I was getting along with my family, I'd made a few friends, I've been trying to eat healthy, and for the past month I've been waiting for my birth certificate in the mail so I can register my car and get a job driving and delivering things.
But then my Mother has to tear me back down again, telling me to get a job, telling me to grow up. Whenever I try and open up to her, she dismisses me. She's tired, and it would be better for her and anybody else I know if I just disappeared.
It's my own fault, though. I hate myself so much. I'm beginning to wonder if killing her and then myself is really such a bad idea. I just don't know anymore. I love her, but she makes me feel worthless. She makes me feel disgusting. I can't articulate my feelings, I'm narcissistic, egotistic, cynical and poisonous to anybody around me. I'm beginning to wonder if I can feel healthy emotions at all.
Today I got up and watched breakfast television. Today I wondered if I'll ever truly connect with another person.