>>29353
>But I still can't manage to make myself pass out and it's driving me nuts.
In what way? With your hands or another implement? If you're trying with your hands, then it won't work.
>The pressure required to obstruct various neck vessels has been reported as:
>Carotid arteries (2.5 – 10kg, or 250mmHg), a scenario not normally seen in manual strangulation (Puschel et al 2004)
[1] https://archive.fo/EYVxQ#selection-951.0-965.116

>>28769
Why do you prefer full suspension hanging over partial suspension?

>>29468
I already elaborated the reason in my post.
>The other option was partial suspension. The thing that ruled that out for me was the potential of having the noose becoming undone when your body is unconscious and flailing. The risk for brain damage seems a bit much.
But, I guess another reason is that it feels like there's a lot more information out there related to full suspension hanging than partial suspension hanging, making it easier to do research. Furthermore, you have more weight on your neck in full suspension compared to partial suspension, making it possibly a more reliable method.

>Have you ever tried to kill yourself?
Yes.

>What method(s) did you use?
>If you made multiple attempts, how many?
I don't remember exactly, because I was acutely psychotic at the time and every memory from that time feels blurred if not blank. But as far as I can remember it was:
1. Pills, but actually I wanted to jump off a bridge, but because of the pills, I collapsed before I could get to the bridge, so nothing really happened.
2. Hanging
3. Strangulation in the hospital bathroom

>What pushed or keeps pushing you over that edge?
I was suffering from schizophrenic psychosis badly and felt like the only way out of the horrors that I thought were real, was to kill myself.

>How did you feel when you woke up in the hospital or each time it happens?
I never was unconscious, so I can't really say, but I had to go to a psych ward each time where I then stayed for months.

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On the second thought though being gangraped by cute moe girls might not be so bad after all.

I fantasize about reincarnating or going back in time after I die.
My life was a mess, I didn't live my life the way I think is right and I think it's too late to achieve any of the things I wanted to. So I wish I had another chance, I wish I had another life to try.
I fantasize about everything I would have done if I had another life or if I could start this life over. I wish I were born again in this same era, the late 90s to 2010s, as a different person but with the same soul. Or that I could go back to when I was 0 to 7 years old, without keeping any of the memories from the future, but somehow keeping the same spirit that I have now.
It's a very intense desire, I really wish it were possile after I die.

Lately I've been thinking about how nice it would be to have a daughter. I cannot for the life of me imagine my ideal wife. Even in dreams I struggle to come up with a visage of my "perfect-wife". I don't dream about sex or women. For some reason I can imagine a little 'me' though. A little girl. I want to protect her from the evils of this world and show her nothing but kindness and happiness. All the good things life has to offer. I daydream about buying her ice-cream, and painting her nails, and brushing her hair, and dressing her up in lovely clothes. I want to raise a daughter like Escha Malier, a cute and honest girly-girl that is sweet and kind. I want to watch my little girl grow and blossom into a beautiful and independent young lady. I'm a fuck up so I want to teach another soul to avoid the mistakes I have made with my life and put them on the right path. What >>25922 said is very true. Fantasies for the most part is just unattainable ideal futures that you imagine for yourself. It's not reality. Reality can be cruel and uncomfortable. Reality for me is that I'm going to die alone but maybe the consolation of my little world is that it gives me material for a manga I could write. Art can be a substitute for children.

>>29566
Even if you had the money to afford a surrogate, whatever you imagine raising a kid is like, is a lot better than the reality of it.

>>29466
>>29462
I envy how separated you are from the zeitgeist. For me "keeping up with the times" is like an addiction. Not that I use tiktok, but I waste tons of time looking for bs happenings to occupy my attention.

I just turned 30 and haven't an hero'd yet. I do feel really isolated though. Anime becoming so mainstream really has made connecting with anyone through the communities I used to unbearable. It's only a matter of time til Tohno-chan gets a tiktok made about it and becomes trendy and zoomer infested like lainchan and uboachan.

>>29548
I'm actively opposing my desire to connect with anyone. I am failing hard at opposing other desires, but at least this one doesn't bother me too much. As long as I can dump my mental illness into some postform I'm fine. I don't care if I get responded to or if the response is mean. I just need an anonymous postform. Nothing more. People are unavailable this day. I hope you don't suffer your isolation.

I turned 41 this year and much like >>29462 I avoid most social parts of the internet now, preferring to just watch anime, read the occasional VN or manga, and listen to music. I go through a cycle of working for a few years & then NEETing for a while with my saved up funds which allows me to enjoy my hobbies more so than somebody who works every day would, though at the cost of my retirement; regardless, I digress.

I've known a lot of people over the years, ranging from an old anime MUCK to old IRC channels to several imageboards/forums, and the majority do just move on. They may not quit the internet entirely, but they usually dial back on their hobbies and begin to take a more passive role as life takes over. Additionally, the internet is far more walled now than it used to be despite the rampant centralization of it all; there's a good chunk of "old weebs" that went to platforms such as Twitter and Discord, but these by their very nature are not conductive to open discussion. The former is largely reliant on who-knows-who (much reminiscent of the more ugly parts of IRL) and the latter is quite literally a walled garden where you can't join unless you're granted the secret password. As a result, you'll most likely never encounter these people.

Another aspect I've thought a lot about which I equally assign this to is how a good chunk of people treat this general 'sphere' of hobbies. Anime, manga, VNs, etc. tend to attract a lot of people who use the hobby as a means to socialize rather than socializing because they enjoy the hobby. This results in many people significantly dialing back their interests over time & moving on to other stuff once they've established a group of friends. Whether one considers this bad, intentional, whatever, I don't really care, but it's certainly prevalent.

Cutting the rant short, I believe it a mixture of people moving on due to life; people moving onto walled gardens, which makes them practically nonexistent to anybody outside of said gardens; and people who were never actually that into the hobby in the first place, using it as a means to socialize instead. Those left are e

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>>29382
i feel like the following quote is very related to your sentiment

>"As the measure of man moves from his genes to his bank accounts, from his blood to his wallet, from what he is to what he owns, the worth of man as a biological organism dwindles, until finally he is no longer fit to live in the world."

this pod really is just the capstone on the commodification of human life, it was inevitable. now there is not a single domain of human experience left where we are not being sold a product.

>>29382
It's so funny isn't it? Guns have been traditionally used for killing yourself, they're really effective and they kind of test your committment to dying, regardless of causes or morals. It takes a lot of courage and guts to step into a rom alone with a gun, you know the trigger doesn't fuck around. It's not like jumping in from of a train or from a few story home. A bullet is absolute, total and quick death (before anyone interjects here, lets assume it's not a pitiful 9mm or any other kids gun).

So why then, create this pod instead of just building a shack with a glued down gun inside? Because Anon is right, this demonic machine is the pinacle of everything wrong with modern times. More than that, a gun is ultimately a tool. A tool that can be used to release yourself from the suffering of this world. Or a tool you can use to fight back against those that never saw you as anything other than a number, a statistic, a process to extract wealth from and whose efficiency should've tuned to 100%. But they don't want that, for you to fight back I mean.

I've noticed more and more people have been getting into gnosticism. I'm not into it myself not because I don't believe it to be real but because I am simply too tired to delve into it properly. I just have a hunch those guys are real, man. There is something deeply evil and corrupted about how things currently are, and this suicide-pod machine thingy is proof of it.

A lot of overanalysis in this thread. A gun could work sure, but angle it the wrong way and you will only be permanently crippled instead of dead. The idea of the painless suicide machine and allowing people to choose what they want to do with their life (even end it) is noble enough. I wonder what the detractors think of Canada's MAID program, whether they'd consider that dystopic as well.

This machine is over-engineered though, and feels more like some sci-fi perversion rather than something practical. All you need is a helium mask (or some other inert asyphixiating gas, don't know which is the best). And who would want to spend their last moments in a confined pod, that's just stupid.

https://apnews.com/article/switzerland-suicide-capsule-people-detained-06d38d708d8b8b4b771bb2df047adfd0

Meanwhile I use my phone for AI chats and other stuff for lulz and care for anonymity as much as don't. Really let them spy. Whatever they gather on me, lmao.

>>29439
I'm sure you have all the alphabet agencies spinning in circles as they try to make sense of your posts.

>>29440
I had a dream once where I saw a leaked google document of all internet users and found my real name and photo with the caption: clinically insane. I think since not even I can make sense of my behavior I must be safe from spies trying to draw patterns from me. I'm the embodiment of chaos.

>>29440
"This guy's fucking insane, but damn if he doesn't have good taste in girls. I love Osaka!"

I think I might have suffered some severe form of abuse early in my life (like from 0 to 5 years old).
To begin with, I wet my bed until I was like 15 years old. Also, I had eating disorders, ate compulsively, was obese until I lost weight when I was in highschool. Also, I had very weird behavior until I was like 12 or so. I was extremely violent in school, specially in elementary school, I used to punch or push people for no reason. It's not like I was ever bullied, in fact everyone was always nice to me despite me being so weird, but I got into fights and was generally aggressive for no reason at all. Also, I was always very restless. When I was around 12 my personality started changing and I became more of the extreme introvert type, I mean not like I wasn't extremely introverted before but I settled down. Also I think I had dissociation-depersonalization disorder my whole life, I don't even rememeber most of my life before the pandemic. All of these are said to be signs someone was abused early in their lives. I'm a bastard son, my parents were never married, I had to go to my father's house on weekends due to court orders, and I rememeber I always used to cry a lot when I was with my father, and I don't remember exactly what happened whenever I was at his place, to this day I'm scared of him and feel uncomfortable around him for some reason. I don't really remember what happened, maybe nothing happened at all and I'm just a low IQ retard and all of these things happened just because I'm defective. My father is a low IQ schizophrenic type and my mother is a low IQ ADHD type, so naturally I would be born defective as well. But I feel like something might have gone awfully wrong very early in my life and it ruined everything. I will never really know.

>>29292
you should watch the joker (2019) he basically goes through exactly what you're describing right now

I literally had the biggest nightmare and it was about school. Holy fucking shit I'm not even in school right now I'm in my own home just how does trauma from the fucking school system screw me up that bad? I'm not safe at all from anything...I don't even know how to get over this.

>>29293
If you're going to mention Joker, I'm going to suggest Surge (2020).

>>29344
>>29345
What the hell is "dogwhistling"?

literally what the fuck is this thread? if you're being stalked I'm not sure how this site can help you
>>29343
>spamming crossposter
who?

>>29346
that's just using an in-group's language and inside jokes outside of it to signal that you're part of said in-group

This thread looks to have become less about the topic and more about the posters.

I used to have an "identity" but now I don't. The "self" I once had has vanished into oblivion. The more I think about it, the more distant and far away it gets. At the moment, I have no identity nor ego. I think this manages to be offputting to a lot of people because so many times people act out of identity/ego preservation. They act in certain ways towards me, intending to harm/wound my ego/identity, and when they are met with indifference, it's like a glitch in the matrix. See, I even watch people try to project their ways of operation onto me. "Winning" or "losing" doesn't matter to me. There are times where I've gotten into an internet argument, and the opposing party accused me of trying too hard to "win" an argument for brownie points. Yet I cared about neither of those things. I merely sought to confirm objective reality. I had no interest in convincing the other party. In fact, I hoped to learn quite a bit from the other party, and that our discussion was a mutual collaboration although a clashing one. But, the thought is silly and naive, the idea of having a good-faith argument online.

A friendly reminder that real life arguments are pretty much the same. I've no clue how it's supposed to work, but I figured most people get in arguments for the sake of the argument itself. They want a fight, and of course they (consciously or not) want to win. That's why they get aggressive and accusing when they feel like they're losing. They never intended to draw any conclusions, or to come to terms, or in general they never intended anything except a verbal fight they were supposed to win somehow. I guess it's some deep primal desire, the one that makes people butcher each other in absence of law.

I definitely try to be someone else depending on who I am talking to. Even here as an anon I try to hide things or come off a certain way to avoid rejection. So I suppose I'm always a bit of a mirror.

Not really, but more just that the world is moving past me and I'm out of my time period. Now I'll just exist until I die because the present isn't my time.

>>28985
>non-24 sleep-wake disorder
I looked this up, and apparently it's not normal for your sleep times to constantly be moving. Wow. I've lived like this most of my life, and I didn't know it could possibly be considered a disorder. I've never ever been able to properly keep a schedule. The only way I can keep a schedule is through work or school, but even then, it's like my body revolts at me for trying to wake up at a normal human time.

>>28985
>>28997
>non-24 sleep-wake disorder
counting me thats three of us that have this supposedly rare condition. do you guys think you developed this from too much computer use? because im pretty sure i wasnt born like this.

also as uninteresting as it is i would really like to hear from any NEETs who DONT have this condition, as i find it kinda hard to believe that if you can choose when you sleep that you do it at the same time for months on end. i know of two other people who have constantly shifting sleep schedules/alluded to that fact, but ive never actually heard someone affirm that they arent capable of shifting their sleep schedule.

>>29070
I don't know if I have this exact condition, but my sleep schedule is definitely not the "ideal" one - I wake up randomly throughout the night, and I seem to function best at 12am-1am.

Neets stereotypically seem to have shifted sleep schedules. While it could be possible that they habituated themselves to this, I also wonder if maybe there's a shared genetic trait here. Sleep schedule has known links to things like schizophrenia, depression, etc..

>>29074
I have the inverse, I sleep solidly after initially waking but up I fall back asleep usually 4 times before getting up. Regarding hours, I have a fairly wide sleep-timing-range that typically is between 2-5 but fairly consistently get out of bed around noon. Sometimes it's related to physical ailments resulting in drowsiness, but in the end it's largely disciplinary as even when I wake up with a clear mind I usually still stay in bed till it feels wrong to do so, the comfort of the bed is too great as is the effort to physically rise when I'm horizontal. I've been meaning to attempt raising the angle of my bed to see if it alleviates the latter but have yet to do so.

Regarding high proportion of night hours, it's mostly preference; I covet the night's silence and the stillness it brings. Beyond such, for me, I think another reason that may contribute to crepuscular sleep cycles are aligning the hours at which it feels normal to eat with my digestive system (i.e hunger and energy shifts from eating). I only eat one meal a day and a small snack around midnight, my hours being as they are has the historical range for supper time fall around 5-6 hours after I get up, this aligns with when I begin to feel hungry, it also allows the main digestion to finish just before the sun begins to set, which feels nice.

>>29070
>ive never actually heard someone affirm that they arent capable of shifting their sleep schedule
I think that's as it should be, to reflect the shifting of the suns hours, whether or not you prefer light or dark, circadian rhythm and all that, I would guess most animals are like this. Though that makes me curious as to whether ethnicities who historically reside primarily around the equator have greater difficulty to/from shifting their sleep schedules
>too much computer use? because im pretty sure i wasnt born like this.
Perhaps, contemporary artificial lighting methods are a lot harsher than a candle,

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>>29215
I used that term loosely after reading the recent posts above mine, don't read much into it. I'm familiar with that type of experiences too but I don't have it in me to blog about them right now.

>>29214
I'm confused, isn't japan a culture of honor? Do you mean culture of machismo or something?

Also that is a very cute picture.

>>29217
I was going to tell you to google it but after doing that myself, I think I used that term too loosely because I had a different idea of what it meant from hearing it out of context. Machismo sounds like a better descriptor for the overt types of power plays and retribution that I detest but I also had in mind the collectivist aspect of Japan; I'd much rather have a place in society by being useful and be left alone to do what I want in my free time as long as I'm not bothering others instead of having to navigate all of that.

>Cute picture
Yes, she looks squishy reading her mags. Since it's 2D, hugging her must feel better than whatever I can imagine.

Post edited on 4th Jun 2024, 12:20am

>>29218
yes the bad-side of "culture of honor" in Japan is that of "saving face". I mentally place it somewhere proximal to machismo in that in both cases you have some expected ideal in relation to society, but in their quest to conform people end up going over the top to appease the letter of the thing instead of the spirit.

And so you end up with things like some CEO of a company refusing to take responsibility because doing so would tarnish his image (loss of "face"), even though ironically accepting blame/responsibility would be the actually honorable thing to do. Similar to machismo, it gets perverted into people one-upping one another and picking fights just to show their "manliness". What is supposed to be virtuous is perverted into superficial posturing.