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22766 No. 22766 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you feel empty? Not really happy, not really sad, but alien and different from your surroundings. Only spiced up by the occasional shame brought about by base desire like lust and hunger. Like there's just nothing there at all within you.
>> No. 22769 [Edit]
I often feel like shit and feel that my life is not heading anyplace good but I never really feel empty.
I mean no offense but these things are 1st world problems. Like we surf the net with full stomachs while there are people who it bugs and their own shit.
>> No. 22773 [Edit]
>>22769
Oh I'm fully aware it could be worse. I prefer this over my depressive spells any day. But saying it's first world problems doesn't really help since then you're always better off than someone. It doesn't mean anything; it's just a deflection tactic. And that's part of the emptiness to me. Anymore it feels like words almost don't have meanings. Like they're just ways for humans to bark primitive signals at eachother.

Everyone else seems to have some sort of identity. But I don't, I'm just there. And I find it all so ridiculous. Reminds me of a part in No Longer Human, where the main character joins up with a group of communists. He doesn't even agree with them but it makes him feel alive, makes him feel like he has purpose. All of society is like this. Music is the most obvious example. People listen to stuff that makes them feel like they're something, like they're a warrior. Like they've accomplished something. And the reality is they'd be better if they did nothing at all. Because then they'd be forced to look at how silly they are. How silly everything is.
>> No. 22788 [Edit]
I do often feel like shit i haven't genuinely smiled or have been happy in 3 years.
>> No. 22791 [Edit]
Life feels like a boring monitor stream that I can't really get engaged in and don't have any feeling towards. Like the blinking screen of some phone on display at a cell service store, dull and noteworthy.

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22673 No. 22673 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Have you ever experienced a kind of wave of negative emotions where you realize that you are eternally, utterly alone in the universe and that nothing will ever change that?
4 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22678 [Edit]
Of course. I just try to reassure myself that I can somehow deal with it and try my hardest to hold onto that feeling, otherwise I end up breaking down and crying those feelings away.
>> No. 22679 [Edit]
It doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I'm surrounded by a world full of humans, supposedly like me but I can feel no connection to whatsoever. It questions the very essence of your existence.
>> No. 22680 [Edit]
It's strange, infinity and eternity bothered me when I was a child, I would cry myself to sleep at night thinking about how neither ending my existence nor living forever appealed to me. But right now, the idea of infinity just feels like endless opportunity to me, and I don't really mind either living forever or dying tomorrow. I have my waifu, so I do not feel alone. And besides, I've been talking to myself in my head since I was a kid, I'm very much adjusted to myself being my only company. It's a funny realization to make, but if you talk to yourself, you'll never feel lonely. Maybe I'm insane, but I'm too far gone to realize it or care if I am.
>> No. 22681 [Edit]
>>22680
I don't yearn for company and I've always talked to myself a lot too, I think it helps.

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22659 No. 22659 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Has anyone else here done absolutely nothing with their life and regret it?
5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22668 [Edit]
>>22667
I know exactly what you mean. When I look at the world, I don't see anything within reach that could make me enjoy it or like it. It's just dull, empty, and restrictive.

I've managed to fool myself into thinking that if I were to get strong, I might be able to do something. I'm not sure if it's right of me to even humor the idea, but it's the only thing that I can do. I'm trying to get strong not only physically, but in every way possible to somehow change something in myself if not the world around me.

I know that it's delusional, stupid, and outright foolish to entertain such an idea, but it's all I've got left in this world.
>> No. 22669 [Edit]
>>22668
It's kind of the same way for me. And I've been aware since I was about 10 years old that the only things I actually liked or cared about were fictional. I always knew I didn't want to work the boring lives other people did, but I guess until I about 18 I somehow thought something would happen to make the world as interesting as stories. Even now it's a hard delusion to break, but I know that escapism is the only life for me.
>> No. 22671 [Edit]
>>22659
>>Has anyone else here done absolutely nothing with their life and regret it?
Why live a life constantly pursued by the expectations of others? If you find something you want to do, you should do it. Chances are, if you're thinking of things like a wasted life, I'd say you're probably internalizing what others believe makes a life "worth living". That's just my experience though. Once I started being concerned with what I want to do, rather than feeling bad because I'm not in a relationship/making a lot of money/being in a position of high status as the world pushes me into wanting, I felt a lot better. Those are mostly all illusions anyway.Simply be kind to others, and behave ethically and you're already a finer human being than most.
>> No. 22672 [Edit]
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22672
I went to college, was a NEET for a year, did a certification as a pharmacy technician for a year, went to Tennessee to get a Master's degree for two years, came back when I was 26 after obtaining it to be with my sick mother (who died two years later), and it was all for nothing outside of becoming intellectually mature.

Do I regret it? Yes and no. I do regret it because now I'm on SSI and have only worked two jobs, both of them vastly under my skill level (although only one was shitty). I've been stuck here since 2010 and while I might move, sooner or later, I have no idea where to go. No place for me. No one to be with, or connect to. All I do is play computer games and occasionally write interesting things. I barely have done anything worthwhile since 2014 outside of no longer having roommates. I don't see it changing anytime soon, although I'm not very mad about anything anymore. At least I stopped drinking alcohol five months ago.

I do have regret, because it was all for nothing. I should have chosen a different path. But at least I tried, you know? And my life is technically better than it was since I came back home, and I'm not doing stupid stuff like going to bars alone, getting drunk every night off a six-pack of cheap beer (or more) and getting high on dumb legal highs (outside of DXM; I like that one too much).

It might get better. My health isn't quite as good as it once was (I just recently obtained a slipped disc in my back), but at least I'm no longer degenerate and it seems to be on the road to recovery. I just need to actually do something, but I have the odd feeling that 2017 would be a bad year to do that. I need to wait until next year, because everyone is so pissed off. I can't go to a certain place anymore because I made a dumb joke that was taken out of context (and was ratted on by a person who knew me for over six years and I thought that she was solid).

I just have to be more careful. I can't trust anyone anymore. Once your mother dies, no one else is there for you. Learn from me, kids.

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22653 No. 22653 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Are anime people really as happy as they look?
>> No. 22657 [Edit]
Anime characters are as happy as they're made to be. I'd like to pretend everything we see is a glimpse into another world, another reality, or universe... but I'm not that crazy. Characters from the more happy types of SoL anime typically don't have the sort of depth in emotions to warrant these questions. They tend to have very flat personalities and what you see is what you get. If they look happy they are happy.
>> No. 22719 [Edit]
thanks for posting such a wonderful image, really fantastic. thanks

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20538 No. 20538 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Anyone else her crafting a suicide note
Errmm just for creative outlet?

"All these tragedies and failures paint me, define me. I have crafted my own ruin."
21 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 20610 [Edit]
"Fuck."
>> No. 20687 [Edit]
I've been at the end game for a while now. I'm tired of the optional content. It's time to see the ending.

Alternatively, "no thank you" to the imposition of working life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahCgADqInX8
>> No. 22655 [Edit]
/leave irc.reality.net
>> No. 22656 [Edit]
A while back I started writing up a note for my mom indicating where and how to sell my crap and other useful info. Don't remember where I left it though, and doubt it would help much anyway so I haven't gotten around to making a new one.

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22602 No. 22602 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I thought I was doing well for myself for a few months, but I once again hit a low. It's like a seesaw of going from normal to depressed. Can anyone else relate?
2 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22605 [Edit]
That's life for ya.
>> No. 22606 [Edit]
I have that too. I swing between good and bad fairly regularly but I'm not good at letting it out and it stays inside and festers. Then maybe once or twice per year I have a meltdown where depending on the severity I can be completely non-functional for anywhere from a few hours to my longest one lasting a week.

I'd honestly prefer to just be depressed all the time to this. At least then I'd know what to expect instead of wondering if I'm going to feel okay when I next wake up, or if It'll be one of those days where I need a few hours to build up hunger pains to motivate myself to get out of bed.
>> No. 22643 [Edit]
I thought I was coming out of my depression and I was worried because I've been this way since I was a kid, so finding who I was without it is kind of scary, I found myself wanting to go back to when things were less confusing and I could just be sad. Well they say be careful what you wish for because now it's back and with the added bonus of insomnia. So I guess it is normal
>> No. 22644 [Edit]
>>22643
I definitely know what that's like. It was weird to not feel sad at all when I'm so used to it and feel that I deserve it.

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22287 No. 22287 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
My english will be always shitty.
3 posts and 2 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22537 [Edit]
It will actually improve staggeringly fast the more time you spend writing on english boards/forums.
>> No. 22538 [Edit]
我的中文永远不好
>> No. 22554 [Edit]
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22554
>>22291
>>22287
Slav country language skills ("runglish") being so unique to the point of it becoming a recent popular culture fad involving round country flags, displacing engrish - which is now like a racial slur.

I'm fine with it, it means slavs are white at last. Such cases.

>>22537
Only for the first year or two when learning foreign language by immersion from scratch. A lot of us are into online escapism for far longer than that. Most of online prose is bottom of the barrel anyway, and the fecal molecules get stuck in our typing centers of brain or something.

Read a book, or at least a shitty asstr fanfic.
>> No. 22589 [Edit]
Your sentence already places you miles ahead of some people I know, OP.

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22575 No. 22575 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I just want to lay around doing nothing, maybe sleep all day or something like that. I can't though. I have a little voice in me that wont shut up and keeps telling me to do something productive. I'm always working on one thing or another. There's always something to clean or fix or improve, and it stresses me out whenever I'm sitting still for too long. I can't even watch anime without doing one or two other things at the same time. It kind of drives me nuts. I can't stop thinking about all the things I should be doing with my time, even now I feel like I'm wasting time by typing this when I could be working on a dozen other things. I wish I didn't have to feel like this all the time. I wish I could just do nothing and not feel guilty about it.
5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22583 [Edit]
I'm the same way but I'm fine with it. It's great to keep reaching for higher heights, quite enjoyable. Given you have to enjoy the process of reaching said heights more than getting to the heights themselves or you'll get into trouble.

People like us need to be careful because we're prone to being taken advantage of. If life is game theory we play the cooperate card too much. People notice and we're easy prey to rack up points on.

Altruism is a lie; an elaborate mechanism of human parasitism. All humans are parasites. The defective humans, that is, the ones who aren't find themselves weeded out of the gene pool quite easily. And if they aren't they find themselves attached to a mate that doesn't give a shit about them. You're "a great guy" because you put up with their bullshit, you let them do whatever they want. You get the point. If you don't fight back, you don't compete, you're on the chopping block. Both literally and figuratively.

The only solution for people like us is to intentionally cultivate selfishness and narcissism. Otherwise people just take, and take, and take. Until you're drained of all drive, all love of life. And they lack the soul to even realize what they've done.
>> No. 22584 [Edit]
>>22581
>I do that with crappy anime. The worse it is the less attention I pay to it.
Why would you watch it if you don't like it?

>as long as you can still hear what they're saying anyway.
You mean you can understand Japanese?
>> No. 22585 [Edit]
>>22582
Well, my computer is pretty slow so I cannot do other things while anime is on, not that I would if I could.

If you set madVR to max settings then maybe it will take all the resources of your computer, disabling you to do other things and thus forcing you to only watch.
>> No. 22586 [Edit]
>>22584
>Why would you watch it if you don't like it?
Well like I said the less I like it the less I watch it. If I really don't like it then I just drop it.
As for why at all. It can help pass the time even if you're not looking directly at it.

>You mean you can understand Japanese?
A little. Enough to have a basic understanding of what's going on and follow along a bit.

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22564 No. 22564 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Does anyone else just feel sad for no apparent reason? I just don't know what's wrong and it's making me feel worse. And it's really getting in the way of my life.
>> No. 22565 [Edit]
yeah
>> No. 22566 [Edit]
There's a lot to be sad about.
>> No. 22570 [Edit]
Yes.
I've realized that I have mood cycles throughout the day. At some point I'll feel chipper and I'll be quite talkative and productive, but I always mellow out eventually and just sit and mope/shitpost. Sometimes I wake up like that and then get happy, but the transition always seems completely arbitrary either way
>> No. 22573 [Edit]
Yes. And I have plenty of things that I should be doing too.

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22558 No. 22558 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Remember anon, just because you're not good at something doesn't mean there aren't other things you might be good at!
>> No. 22559 [Edit]
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22559
You can't ruin a perfectly good thread with shitty premise like that. This is now a sushi thread, where cute girls make cute sushi things.
>> No. 22563 [Edit]
It certainly feels like i'm not good at anything
>> No. 22567 [Edit]
I know what I'm good at. The problem is I don't belong in society.

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22527 No. 22527 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you think you might be cursed in some form or another? If so, in what way?
2 posts and 1 image omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22572 [Edit]
>>22536
Haha, I did that too, the learning human behaviour thing.
I never did look people in the eye when they spoke, so I tried really hard to but then I questioned which eye? I can't look into both at the same time; the middle of the brow? but that's not the eye and they probably think I'm weird for looking at their brow. So I just went back to looking away.

I haven't noticed your observations of people, maybe because we live in different cultures, but I did notice that normies have such collectivist fashion sense.
>> No. 22590 [Edit]
I think so, but I'm not entirely sure.

Maybe I'm just making a big thing out of my awful luck. My luck does get pretty awful at times, though.
>> No. 22607 [Edit]
>>22572
>they probably think I'm weird for looking at their brow
Unless you're really up close with someone, I doubt they'd notice.
>> No. 22638 [Edit]
>>22572
I'm not sure how I missed this post, but I also don't know what to look at when talking to someone. I sometimes just let my eyes scan their face, but I sometimes just can't do it and look around to avoid looking at one eye for too long. I try not to look at anybody for too long because looking at people trying to converse with me sort of makes me a bit nervous. I don't like it when people look at me, though, so that could also be a big part of it.

I'm a huge train wreck of a person.

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