>>29811
Thanks, it has improved a bit. Apparently the medication can continue to give improvements for up to two years (then sustain them)... but I'm doubtful I have anything left to improve.

I would have got on them at 25 and lost nothing if it weren't for family gaslighting me against it.

I feel the delayed development might hurt my self pereception a lot, as I have less and less in common with people the more I age. I'm sure everyone here feels 'stuck in the past' though.

>>29812
Hard to say... I used to lean to lightning or fire but I wouldn't mind white magic to heal some ills. I guess that and time magic.

>>29809
hello, happy birthday and merry christmas

>>29885
Thanks, happy new year :) hope this one is good for all of us... gods know we deserve it.

>>29893
Happy new year to you too!

I can't help but imagine OP as a cute little baka.

>>29740
You will be very upset when you learn he's probably not. The most beautiful thing about imageboards is that you can let your imagination do its thing and forget for a moment that... nevermind

>>29741
Physically of course not, but emotionally why not? In that way (and perhaps only that way) do the people who choose to use anime girls as their profile picture resemble their avatars; it only starts to feel weird when they try to lean into it and actually try to act as a girl.

>>29692
this, I look back at the drive I had as a teen even if it was just for anime and vidya and wonder what id have accomplished if I was pushed to pursue useful things

>They'll keep from dying, but that's all.
You, that is. They'll keep you from dying. hopefullytrafficking is real

>>29836
It's more about when they talk about their country or something they do, it just bothers me how sometimes it's unthinkable to me.

>your roof isn't leaking
I never lived in a place where this didn't end up happening. And the roofs in affordable places are mostly made out of asbestos, so if they are broken probably there's some contamination happening as well.

>your neighbors are not criminals
That's not an option anymore for my country, criminal organizations have spread even to the most remote cities. Ironically the safest places are the ones under control of a single group. Well, there are the very expensive walled gardens as well I guess.

Honestly I can't think of a degree of "unwelcome" that would be worse than where I live. If I had even the vague chance of moving I would, it's just that it's truly not possible, I don't have any money to go or skill that would be valuable.

>>29840
Hey but living among criminals is fun you don't even need to bother with suicide since they'll take care! yes I know that feelI genuinely can't imagine how people can bother living when there is nothing ahead except another tyrant to abuse you. This incessant pressure kills from inside. Ugh imagine how *everyone* lived like that back in the day. Life's scam

I hate working in teams. Misery upon misery. I'm too autistic or wherever. It forces me to give up too much of myself for something I can't care about. Eww

Before longposters arrive – it's a normal reaction. You obsess over your failures so much you unlearn the opposite. Unless somebody or some divine happenstance shows how to handle positive things you're going to suffer.

Yes I freak out, it feels like I'm unconciously manipulating myself to crash the bike as soon as I manage to speed up without training wheels so I'm afraid of taking them off at all. Too many failures and too little positive feedback do that I guess, that's maybe also the reason why I've become so lazy.
Like I'm not able to perfect a song in a rythm game, because the further I get without a mistake, the more I'll screw up the easiest parts.

>>29762
>Like I'm not able to perfect a song in a rythm game, because the further I get without a mistake, the more I'll screw up the easiest parts.
I know that feeling all too well. If I have some full combo going and I mess up half way in, rather than be annoyed it's almost like a feeling of relief now that there's not this pressure to be perfect. I guess life isn't really that different is it?

A lot of happiness is unearned. Like, just picture you're born into a bad situation. Your entire perception of self and the world is going to be fundamentally altered such that your brain is slowly trained to look for and expect the negative. More than that negative emotion becomes baked into your personality such that to be happy is to be met with a strange disconnect from the self.

Maybe it's just age mellowing me out but once I started accepting that my problems are probably just baked in on a neurological level, that there's minimal I can do about them they lost a lot of power over me. Don't get me wrong; it's no get out of jail free card but it became easier to quit caring.

>>29596
Yeah, sounds about right.

>>29596
I just found a relevant image on my hard drive (I hope that it's not /tat/ material).

>>29746
Golden. Thank you for posting this.

>>29746
not that i disagree but some of these might be taken out of context

>>29714
>undeserving of happiness
I viewed it more as that the unpleasantness and cynicism was a product of the loneliness. But again I watched it quite a while back and don't remember much concrete.

>I prefer Welcome to the NHK
Conversely to me this was more a show focused on agoraphobia and a dumb main character (falling for random scams all the time) rather than one about loneliness and isolation from an inability to connect. I think there's some other thread on TC which explains this view better.

>>29715
You'd probably prefer the novel to the anime, I think. It's drastically different and more narratively cohesive.

As far as Oregairu goes, it's very different from those in that it's a harem romance mainly, although one that happens to have a protagonist who is cynical about social relationships and normalfags.

>>29715
>I watched it quite a while back and don't remember much concrete.
The way I remember Watamote, it was mostly Tomoko embarrassing herself, doing something incredibly petty, or thinking something nasty about people she barely knows. My assessment of her was based on a comparison to myself, who had(has) even less of a social life.

>this was more a show focused on agoraphobia and a dumb main character (falling for random scams all the time) rather than one about loneliness and isolation from an inability to connect
Maybe that's why I like it so much. I'd say Welcome to the NHK explores the disappointments in life and the depressing way things can change, like no other story I know of. The alienation, frustration and dissatisfaction of the main character are things I can easily relate to. Loneliness is in there, but I guess it's tangential to the main focus.

>>29713
Your post is a rant. Mine was a rant as well. We wrote many letters but they all go into null. I find your post to be missing the point so much I barely hold off from exploding with another rant directed at you. And I don't even mean any offense, nor am I offended. It's just how things are.

Your entire post doesn't make sense simply because it targets reason where it isn't applicable. If I could hold onto my reason you'd never hear me rant about anything ever.

>>29883
>Why is this world plotting to make you unhappy?
It's a conspiracy against the human race

I grew up in a quiet place, noises around drive me crazy. The distraction is severe, I can't concentrate on anything however hard I try. No it hasn't improved with time. I wager it won't improve ever.

I'm so exhausted by today's anxiety I barely feel sane anymore. My muscles feel drenched completely, it's wonder how I'm not shaking yet.

I realized today that I can't read for shit. I read a page, then went and skimmed over it and didn't remember a single thing I just read.
I'm sure I could actually read if I really tried, but it's difficult. It's a bit depressing.

>>30129
She's going to drown in there!

even evil people deserve friends.

Seeing people who are more capable makes me want to die.

>>30159
But if you realize that they are not more capable than you, but rather than the body you have been shoved into, it becomes easier to bear. After all the "you"'s worthiness is measured by its capability to observe surroundings unperturbed and by nothing else. All of the other "skills" and "abilities" are just arbitrary circumstances, basically white noise.

I hope you get better, t-c.

Funny you say that, I was visiting tohno-chan after an extended break and almost got a heart attack seeing the domain on sale! I cant replicate how this happened but TC is still alive! Thank you Tohno and crew!

>>29624
It happens if you try to access the site like https:// as opposed to http:// . For a while I thought that he site was dead too and only when I mentioned it to someone else did they say that it's still alive and I realized that it was a problem on my side.

every cope has an end

>>29632
And exactly one.

>>27513
A follow up to this post, as I've been thinking about my health.
I didn't end up getting anywhere with my hypothyroidism. Healthcare is expensive and I was a neet. Now that I'm working, I went to a doctor again. I will keep up with it this time, because I did feel quite a bit better after taking my medication for a little while. Just had my appointment yesterday, so I'm still waiting on my prescription. Fortunately I haven't developed any "serious" problems in the meantime. At any rate, I'm pretty happy I finally got around to doing this and I'm excited that I'll be able to function properly.
I've been more mindful of what I'm eating. Not that I'm eating "healthy", but I'm eating a better variety of foods and healthier alternatives. Still eat pizza fairly often, but most of the time it's more trouble that it's worth compared to some of the simple things you can throw together in a couple of minutes. Who could have guessed, a simple sandwich is a lot more satisfying than eating a bunch of crap.
My poor dental hygiene has started to take it's toll. Always been bad about brushing my teeth, and not too long ago one of my molars started falling apart. Luckily it doesn't hurt much, but it's really annoying. Food gets stuck there. At the very least, it's encouraged me to do better with brushing my teeth, even if it's a bit too late.
My mom has been trying to say I have anxiety because I'm unsociable. That's nonsense. I'm unsociable because I'm completely alienated. Even when I do try to conversate, it goes nowhere because no connections are being made.

>>29452
i hope you take better care of yourself. at least vape instead of smoke for instance, wash your hair at least once a week etc

insomnia has hit me again

My knees are going bad. All started when I tore a muscle, I was off my feet for two months for the most part. Both legs, but especially the injured one, got very weak and have not recovered. They hurt all the time now. Maybe I'll just amputate!

>>29353
>But I still can't manage to make myself pass out and it's driving me nuts.
In what way? With your hands or another implement? If you're trying with your hands, then it won't work.
>The pressure required to obstruct various neck vessels has been reported as:
>Carotid arteries (2.5 – 10kg, or 250mmHg), a scenario not normally seen in manual strangulation (Puschel et al 2004)
[1] https://archive.fo/EYVxQ#selection-951.0-965.116

>>28769
Why do you prefer full suspension hanging over partial suspension?

>>29468
I already elaborated the reason in my post.
>The other option was partial suspension. The thing that ruled that out for me was the potential of having the noose becoming undone when your body is unconscious and flailing. The risk for brain damage seems a bit much.
But, I guess another reason is that it feels like there's a lot more information out there related to full suspension hanging than partial suspension hanging, making it easier to do research. Furthermore, you have more weight on your neck in full suspension compared to partial suspension, making it possibly a more reliable method.

>Have you ever tried to kill yourself?
Yes.

>What method(s) did you use?
>If you made multiple attempts, how many?
I don't remember exactly, because I was acutely psychotic at the time and every memory from that time feels blurred if not blank. But as far as I can remember it was:
1. Pills, but actually I wanted to jump off a bridge, but because of the pills, I collapsed before I could get to the bridge, so nothing really happened.
2. Hanging
3. Strangulation in the hospital bathroom

>What pushed or keeps pushing you over that edge?
I was suffering from schizophrenic psychosis badly and felt like the only way out of the horrors that I thought were real, was to kill myself.

>How did you feel when you woke up in the hospital or each time it happens?
I never was unconscious, so I can't really say, but I had to go to a psych ward each time where I then stayed for months.

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