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24516 No. 24516 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Tomorrow I will be going to a neurologist. I have been keeping up the masquerade and going through the motions for many years already, and I think that I can't fool anyone anymore.
People can tell that I'm not one of them, several incidents in the lasts days have ascertained me of that. My parents told me last night that the have already booked a appointment with a neurologist to whom they are acquainted with, and that is set for tomorrow.
I'm somewhat concerned with this, I'm afraid of what I would have to reveal, and the implications of such, but refusing to go doesn't seem like an option. Can someone who's been through this give some advice? Even if you have never been in a similar situation, I would appreciate your assessment.
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>> No. 25478 [Edit]
>>25477
Lately I've been thinking about what psychologists do. Most of them they just work with "normal" people that has problems. But they are still normal, so maybe the psychologist can't really understand a person that's truly abnormal or even identify it. He will try to apply what works with the normal people, so he will fail. All this comes because I'm doubting you can apply general rules for everyone in something as complex as the human mind. Maybe it could work for a majority, but what about what goes out of the norm? It wouldn't be like trying to impose their own rules into someone?
>> No. 25480 [Edit]
>>25477
>And thus I fear that I might ending up creating a "character" for myself and then it will be hard to undo it.
I'm fairly certain that every one of us who has to live outside the comfyNEET lifestyle inevitably needs to practice this skill, along with everyone who's even slightly abnormie.

Even those of us on NEETbux are doing this (the Uncle Remus guides are very much about grooming an artificial character).
>> No. 25482 [Edit]
>>25478
I've been thinking like this as well. The thing is some statistics show that these sort of things are really more common than you would think, but at the same time there seems to be an incongruence between the data and reality. So it could be that they are in fact abnormal and thus no therapist will have experience with it, or they are common and most abnormal people are just good at maintaining a normal appearance, this also doesn't sound very realistic. But the question is, should not a trained professional who spent years of his life dedicating himself to psychology be aware and knowing of these sorts of things? This is the kinda of thing they are supposed to be prepared for, after all.
>> No. 25483 [Edit]
>>25482
I thought about that too, but if 99% of their patients are normal, how they will detect the abnormal? I'm just thinking about the advice and topics you usually hear. Like "humans are social animals". Sure, but there's a percentage of people that aren't, there has always been eremites that were happy living like that. How do they know they aren't just imposing their values to individuals that will be clearly unhappy with these values? I feel like I couldn't trust a psychologist.

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25452 No. 25452 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I've been having severe sleeping issues, recently, totaling over a hundred hours without any real sleep. It got severe after Friday evening, when I got the worst panic attack of my life where I was pretty much certain that I was going to die from suffocation from Corona-chan (I didn't have it but I thought so), so my mom had to call the emergencies to help me. Thankfully, the ambulance was never sent as they realized I just had a panic attack and I got to talk with a really professional nurse, instead, who guided me on how to try to remain calm. Later in the night, I still thought I was going to die, though, and started confessing all sorts of things to my mom about my hobbies, like a death bed confession of sorts, to keep her from later shock... she took it all surprisingly well and isn't seemingly judging me at all for my perversions, even still, and it honestly feels good to finally know that it doesn't gross her out how I am. While I'm now better, I got a sort of burnt-out breakdown from it that I'm still recovering from, which is giving me a feeling of pressure inside of my head... I hope it will pass, soon, but apparently it tends to take some time for it to do so. Anyway, from Thursday to Monday, I only got about eight hours of sleep, and three of those hours were in the night to Thursday, so really just five, then. Incredibly, I didn't start getting hallucinations before very late, aside from a more "normal" one, after waking up from very brief sleep, where I was thinking our dog was crawling under a sofa (my bed was on the floor, near the sofa).

Earlier yesterday, before I finally got some good rest on Monday afternoon, I was hearing barely audible, almost demonically creepy trumpet-like music in my head. My mom was taking me to the hospital for the insomnia, but we got there too early as I had forgotten the time to be there. On the way home, I thought she had the radio on on a super low, barely audible volume, but she didn't. I kept hearing it when we got inside the house, too, but it was too low to actually hear the melody. Then briefly later, while washing my hands, I heard some man, very close to the right of me, in a low voice, laughing "heh-heh-heh-heh," maniacally. It literally gave me shivers.

Then the night leading to Monday, I had to go get painkillers fo
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>> No. 25473 [Edit]
>>25472
Probably not.
Sounds similar to what I feel like and I haven't died yet. It appears to be mostly mental. Shit life syndrome.
>> No. 25474 [Edit]
>>25472
I'm having it too and I was absolutely terrified at the beginning when it started to show itself this year. It feels like my mind is associating sleep with death, which is the reason for me waking up after every two hours. Every dream ends with a shocking sound, a loud door slam, a waking word, a loud tone.
Lying on back is the most comfortable position.
Eating less doesn't help at all, the superfluous energy stays there for the auto-shock therapy.

The problem is deemed to be a mental condition.
>> No. 25475 [Edit]
>>25473
>>25474
Yes, I think it has to be the same thing you described, nightmares included. I will try lying back but I have never slept like that in my life, it feels weird.
There's something I don't get, I'm not particularly unhappy and just a few years ago I was a lot worse. Right now I'm enjoying the confinement of last month. I have less stress than ever, no doubt about that, then why it has to happen now?
>> No. 25476 [Edit]
I just started getting nightmares again this week. They are like re-experiencing certain experiences from many years ago. There was quite some time since I last had them, and I was even starting to think those would be past matters, what a thing. I don't feel anything in particular with regards to my body, just the nightmares themselves. I don't know whether the technical term would be bad dreams but whatever.

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25236 No. 25236 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How would you like the world to be? If the world could be changed completely, what would one in which you were happy look like?

Rule: It can't be 2d; the fundamental construction of the universe has to stay the same. You can remove your knowledge of 2d if necessary.
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>> No. 25421 [Edit]
A world where there are no illnesses.
A world where intelligence dominates. Greater literature, like Nabokov, is mandatory. No place for platitudes - such rooms of blankness are replaced by memories. No set phrases, no emojis, but original codes of beauty.
A world where little girls do not grow up.

There isn't much to improve. The century doesn't matter much, people in power have all the capabilities to act upon their desires. Everything is in decay, and art captures the moment of immortality.
>> No. 25422 [Edit]
A world where I'm the only person, not necessarily everyone is me physically but mentally I mean. Nothing would get done but I would be happy by myself
>> No. 25451 [Edit]
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25451
A world where I can progress, not limited by physical health issues nor mental health issues.

If I could continue surpassing myself day after day, with close loving friends and moreorless a set script for life rather than the confusing nothingness adulthood feels like.

I used to think people were either 'good' or 'bad' at things, but the weight that I could've been good on a different path, rather than a complete failure disaster hurts.

It really feels like straying off a different path makes me further distanced from society on the normal path. A different path would be fine if I had the talents to be independent.
>> No. 25466 [Edit]
>>25451
Same

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23463 No. 23463 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
Is this the only anime/weeb community left that hasn't been over run by children?
Every time I find a new one to join it's the same thing, retarded teenagers who wont shut up about school or spoiled rich kids and their college crap. It's all "dur hur I'm gonna be a doctor I'm gonna be a laywer" fuck you. I feel so fucking old lately and this shit doesn't help one bit. It's just so ackward being in these servers/channels with kids that are half my age. Not that it's uncommon here either. Where the fuck are all the 30+ weebs? Do they just kill themselves when they hit 30 or do they turn into normal fags and quit the internet? What the fuck man.
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>> No. 25461 [Edit]
>>25460
You can't count sleeping and all the shit you need to do for work outside your work schedule.
I spend two hours everyday to go to work, plus the time I need to get ready, clean my uniform, shave, etc. That's not "free time" that's time I indirectly give to my employer. My complain is how much of our living time (and energy) we need to give to someone else just to have a minimum income to be able to rent a room, eat and pay the bills.
I also spent years working 12 hours per day and seven days per week, that was living hell but somehow it doesn't make me much more happy about an average working schedule.
>> No. 25462 [Edit]
>>25458
Yeah, as I started work full-time it becomes harder to really care that much about hobbies from video games to just anime -- there's not as much time to appreciate the better things in life when you snap in and out of a crappy looping routine that gets greyer and greyer. Memories of a life with more emotions fade into dust.
>> No. 25463 [Edit]
>>25458
>>25459
>>25462
Yes, it's all terrible. I'm in a part-time position and still feel it takes way too much of my energy. Here's a funny thing I tried to do a while back. I noticed that the very fist activity I do in the day is the one I can put most of my energy in, so for a couple of weeks, instead of having working as my very first activity, I rescheduled my life and began waking up at around 11pm, doing all the stuff I wanted to do and go to work at 7am as usual, thus effectively making work the very last activity of my day.
By the end of the first week I was so utterly destroyed I had to switch back, but it was an interesting experience, specially how much you start not giving a fuck when you're tired at work. Really not caring at all, to the point I was afraid to get fired.
>> No. 25464 [Edit]
Worker drone problems on a NEET board.

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25423 No. 25423 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Where have you tried looking for answers before regarding the desires which make you miserable? No matter how hard you look online or in real life or in your head, there's no permanent consolation, no real answer for those questions, at least as far as I know. I've tried time and time again periodically to find evidence that total acceptance of me from someone is a real possibility, and every time I came out of it with nothing. I never expect to find anything and i'm not suprised when I don't, but a feeling of dissatisfaction grows inside of me time and time again that eventually forces me to look despite all the things I know telling me it's pointless.

Post edited on 24th Mar 2020, 7:54pm
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>> No. 25447 [Edit]
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25447
>>25446
Tiny child who came out of a plant is another one. Thumbelina, The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter, Momotaro.
>> No. 25448 [Edit]
>>25445
I wasn't thinking about structure, I don't know enough about film theory to notice that.
It's something more obvious. There's always a man who goes from a lower point to an high one. Then he meets his hubris; depending on the movie, sometimes he gets destroyed by it, or redeems himself before that. He always mets a woman and starts a family, the woman always acts the same way (probably quite realistic though) and at some point it will get in conflict with the protagonist, because 1)economic reasons 2)not spending enough time with family/doing dangerous work or lifestyle for family. And she will abandon him and take the kids with her. There's also some rare variants without children or with children dying, but with similar results.
Just think all the (good or even great) movies with those elements, movies that can be completely different in setting and themes.
Think about Goodfellas, Amadeus, Scarface, The Lord of War, Barry Lindon, it's all there and that's just thinking about really good movies.
>> No. 25449 [Edit]
>>25445
It's also easier/safer to stick with a known structure than to risk something novel.
>> No. 25456 [Edit]
The only consolation I can give myself is that there might be a path to power that can physically and metaphysically re-write reality.

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24601 No. 24601 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
What happened to all the people who used to inhabit imageboards ~10 years ago? Given how poor the quality of most are now, I find it hard to believe that they are still active in those same places. Did they simply accept the inevitability of change and abandon imageboards for good? (While I find it hard to believe that they'd switch to something like Facebook, it's not unprobable that many just joined discord groups, also simultaneously resulting in the gradual decline of irc). Are they still there in small numbers but just drowned out by the influx of newcomers and low-quality posts? Did they escape to some uber-secret sanctuary?

The recent 8ch exodus led me to browse some of their various spinoff boards; I thought that at least one might recapture the same spirit of old but unfortunately none really come close. Tohno-chan is still perhaps the only place I've found where where post quality remains relatively high and discussion is thoughtful.
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>> No. 25308 [Edit]
I ditched 4chan when memes and 4chan stuff started becoming mainstream and exploding all over mainstream sites like reddit and stuff. 2010 or 2011 I think.

I remember being a shy, introverted, friendless loser nobody in middle/highschool. As the 2010s came into fruition I realized that I was foolish to build my identity around anime, video games, internet forums, as I saw all of these things beginning to get the Big Bang Theory treatment, as they have today.

I started browsing 4chan/ED etc in 2007, I was never an SA goon or a cool guy like a pirate/cracker/hacker but I hit the 10+ mark.

I even browsed PSL forums and have day 1 accounts the incels.co forums, I became disillusioned with that also.

All I can say is that I am just a ghost, a zombie of a man. True virgin, loner, creep, friendless, jobless, alcoholic, nobody. If Im some rare breed of internet veteran no-lifers, my suicide is overdue by a long shot.
>> No. 25322 [Edit]
>>25308
Yeah I remember it was 2011 too when something about the internet altogether started shifting for the worst. 2012 was meh and then it all just tanked from there as the internet started catering less overall to desktop users and more to the internet of things smart zombies, now we're left with this dystopian shell of an internet with a lot more content but a lot less human.

Before that though I realize I didn't even have much of an identity. I had a nickname I went by for a longer time than I do now but I was always on the sidelines cause I didn't have much to draw from especially back then. I wish to do it again sometimes and this time though I was born to be a screw up anyways not be quite as much as one with a second chance. I'm going to wake up tomorrow, it'll be the first day of school again , all this was just some weird nightmare, and I'll have what I learned from it to try again with.
>> No. 25372 [Edit]
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25372
>>25308
>All I can say is that I am just a ghost, a zombie of a man. True virgin, loner, creep, friendless, jobless, alcoholic, nobody. If Im some rare breed of internet veteran no-lifers, my suicide is overdue by a long shot.
I honestly cant help but feel this is where I am to head no matter what I do. More so a life without any real drive, self-pride, or aspirations than one resentful of social alienation. If I do reach this point, I honestly cant really forsee a positive outcome. I would no longer be able to use forums, IBs, whatever to get rid of that essential social interaction itch, since I might as well be in another galaxy in terms of age and/or experiences with posters.

If whatever reason I finally decide to make full-fledged effort to make my life worthwhile, it would be very difficult to do so soo late, since thoughts of diminishing returns would dampen any progress I make if I dont manage to develop a paradigm shift I can believe in(and for WHAT at that point). It is an excruciating "future" to think about.
>>24822
Took me a lot longer than it should have to think of a response for this but really, I am just not feeling it. I dont know.
>>24825
I still think its funny how shitposts from raiders would be left for up to several days(weeks a few times) yet something like all 6 of us regulars would often collectively ignore them until modmin finally showed up or decided to delete them.

To be honest, there were times on magicchan I was paranoid whether modmin was really someone to trust. He would show up very rarely and usually when he was discussed or directly referred. I just wondered what the point in investing time & money hosting an imageboard was for a sole administrator who rarely posted anything not related to upkeep of the site. I am just glad I got to take part in that forum. Special thanks to the fellow stra
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>> No. 25374 [Edit]
I'm still here and check on my old haunts sometimes. I often feel guilty about not posting but I don't have the time or energy a lot, that happens as you get older or you just lose interest.

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25306 No. 25306 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I hate having to go outside. I don't want to be around people and exposed to the elements. I hate it out there. I regret even thinking I wanted to go out somewhere.
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>> No. 25314 [Edit]
I don't like going out, but it is tolerable for me. Other people, especially strangers, make me very nervous, as if I expect them to try to harm me. I also feel like people spy on me from small cracks, behind closed doors, through walls, etc., which is unpleasant. As such, I like to spend time alone at home and make my outings infrequent, purpose-driven, and short. I'd spend all day everyday at home if I could.
>>25311
I hate how other people trash and wreck things as well. I don't mind things merely being old or deteriorated by time (e.g. old books, buildings that are otherwise well cared for), but litter, vandalism, and carelessness by people is disgusting to look at. Why is it so hard for normalfags to not make a mess?
>> No. 25321 [Edit]
>>25314
I avoid the busy times like the plague even though I like being outside in itself whether I'm buying groceries or cashing in cans/bottles like usual. I've gotten some negative attention and shitty situations because you can't avoid people not noticing you doing the same thing every day but only once did someone try to do just that. They got away with it too because no one cares when it's me it happens to in broad daylight at that and I let it go. Ruined the whole night and had to throw away all the clothes I had after.
>> No. 25358 [Edit]
>>25314
>I also feel like people spy on me from small cracks, behind closed doors, through walls, etc., which is unpleasant.
You might be developing schizophrenia
>> No. 25359 [Edit]
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25359
Same, yet I love when a shaft of sunlight manages to get past my curtains and shines some forgotten object on my table or the tiny floating specks of dust and for a second there the entire apartment feels really quiet and beautiful. I also like very much when the evening comes and I can hear people and their vehicles at a distance, all rushing back home under that orange glow the sky gets sometimes. I like to look on a sunday morning through my window and there's absolutely no one on the streets. The outside looks really cool when you're on the inside, well, protected and cozy.
When I have to go outside though it kind of sucks, yeah. I get this feeling I'm prepping to go to a danger zone (which it is for all I know) and I have this mental checkup of all things I'll need to survive the 15 minutes I'll be out to do the groceries. The outside feels huge and clumsy. I can go from one end of my apartment to the other in about 16 steps or so. That's just enough to cross the first street on the outside.
The worst part however is also the most interesting. Inside my apartment I'm in a state of undiluted concentration and I only fully realize that when I'm back from the outside. For example, recently I was at this store and I saw some girl with a bunch of cut scars all across both her arms. I've seen that plenty in pictures online but never irl before. That bothered me for weeks for some reason. I don't like having too much real stuff inside my head, I think that's the source of my dislike for the outside. I like the outside like a painting in front of my window, I like there are people on the outside that makes this isolated life I lead possible but to be part of it is pretty rough and I don't like it.
I think this is a very old feeling, isn't this feeling basically why monks exist in all cultures? I don't know.

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23927 No. 23927 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
Enough pessimism! Share some stuff you're happy or thankful for in your life! Or just talk about something good that happened recently!
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>> No. 25269 [Edit]
>>25260
Probably shouldn't post this in the optimism thread but my dad isn't as lucky.
>> No. 25272 [Edit]
>>25269
Just use all the time you have left and spend it together. Don't miss the chance if there's anything you needed to talk with him about, but never did. Nothing left to do but to try to be close and support each other. Makes it easier both for those who die and those who live afterwards.
>> No. 25273 [Edit]
>>25272
It's a little too late, he's in a semi-conscious state. His condition deteriorated rapidly and suddenly, nobody suspected anything and he was just fine until not too long ago. We have a dysfunctional relationship and I've been estranged to him but it's funny how your feelings could play out at times like this. I'm trying to make the best of what little time there is but I try to avoid my honest feelings since there is quite a bit of bitterness, I'm just trying to put him at ease as much as I can. There's so much mixed feelings in me that I can't comprehend. Thank you for your reply though, it helps me feel a little more at ease.
>> No. 25302 [Edit]
>>25265

The doctors say that she needs more exams in two months, but I fear that she will need go through a surgery. As for myself, I'm quite anxious because, I will go to a cram school the entire year so I can prepare myself to college admittance exams. I need study a lot of math to pass on it and I'm horrible with math, I'm anxious, and I think I need study at least 5 hours a day after the cram school so I can get a good score.
I'm still worried about mom. I can't lose her now since I'm not prepared financially and emotionally to lose here right now.

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23723 No. 23723 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Did anyone else have a sort of normal life and then spiral into NEETdom and so on?

I was living fairly well, had lots of friends, even had a few 3DPDs. Then crippling depression and anxiety kicked in during my first year of college and you know the rest.

Refrain from mentioned your disgusting 3DPD love-life, nobody cares.
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>> No. 24100 [Edit]
>>24072
Since you were fit during your NEET years Im assuming your gym was your home or room. Ive been wondering to be a fit NEET aswell, care to share routines, items (if you need any) you used, etc? complete noob btw.

If you did go to gym, dont bother replying because I wont go outside.
>> No. 24101 [Edit]
>>24100
Not him, but you can do pushups, situps, squats in your bedroom. That and eating right is enough to get fit.
>> No. 24106 [Edit]
>>24100

I done it both at home and in the gym. At home I bought a squat rack and weights and followed the program 'stronglifts 5x5'. That's a really simple routine, maybe you could try circuit training stuff too though I find it hard to motivate myself doing it at home (I used to play on the computer between sets).

I joined fitness classes after a year of that and made a complete fool myself regularly (I think) but was so clouded I didn't care since I knew isolation would result in complete misery.
>> No. 25293 [Edit]
>>24072

This is me, I've improved even further.

However, I suddenly had a loss of motivation and despite being really happy mentally I couldn't focus while studying.

After this I had a bit of a breakdown and am still in a really depressive phase, the most insane thing aboout success is how the standards keep rising higher and higher.

I don't know if this is just me but I feel I'm always wanting more. However, I think I'm internally broken from my parents arguing during my childhood and me locking myself in my room for all of high school moreorless.

I felt SO close to a true victory of happiness! I guess my latent introversion denies me.

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22527 No. 22527 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you think you might be cursed in some form or another? If so, in what way?
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>> No. 24372 [Edit]
>>23573
Update: I definitely wonder sometimes if I have a mild haunting that makes me unusually unlucky. People always point out to me how things only break or weird things happen when I’m around, or just flat out tell me that I’m unusually unlucky. I’m not sure if it’s karma, or there really is a god that’s punishing me, or if it’s all in my head. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking of turning towards religion, because I lack direction or really anything of substance in my life.
>> No. 24373 [Edit]
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24373
It is hard to explain without going into a lot of cumbersome specific details, but I believe that the world is constantly trying to undermine my happiness in life. I think the motivation is that the powers that be are afraid of my growing magical powers (read: inordinately good fortune). As such, I view a lot of things as a struggle between the world and me. Unlike >>22529, I don't think good fortune and bad fortune necessarily have to reach a balance; one can dominate, but it is an ongoing struggle between the two.
If anyone's interested, I think that detaching my mind from the physical world through appreciation of ideas and artificial constructions fuels my magic, whereas getting bogged down in worldly bullshit weakens me.
>> No. 24385 [Edit]
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24385
>>24373
Oddly enough, I've reached a similar thought process. To add to that, I think "the world", as an entity, is an enemy to individuals, but especially those who recognize it.
>> No. 25292 [Edit]
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25292
>>24016
Small update:

I was genuinely happy between the months of September-Mid January. I woke up every day motivated thinking things are gonna go great.

I imagine that's how regular people feel. However, for some reason I has a massive anxiety attack over future careers, started comparing myself to others and moreorless had a breakdown and now have been very depressed for over a month.

I achieved happiness! But of course, for no apparent reason I decided my life must be super amazing awesome beyond happiness, only to falter and breakdown due to feeling no stress towards my exams, nor any motivation.

I've thought about dying every day again reeeeeeeeeeeee

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25201 No. 25201 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I remember posting here when i was a 20 year old NEET. Feels like a lifetime ago. Remember Railgun? That was back in 2009 wow. Can you believe that? The new season started last week and the girls haven't aged A DAY.... while I'm 11 years older, balding and so fucking ugly. I can hardly recognize the abomination staring back at me when I look at the mirror. Back then I thought I'd never get a job and that I'd die a virgin. But I got really lucky and it all worked out I guess (I still hate women though)
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>> No. 25276 [Edit]
>>25274
>I think the non-ephemeral nature of Discord (combined with profile pictures and ability to post inline images) worsens this issue.
I was going to post something to this effect too. There are those who bemoan IRC's transience and lack of rich media features, but these are features. (Less is more!) After all, chatting with someone isn't supposed to come with a history other than memories. If one needs some form of permanence, images, profile pictures, or whatever else, use a damn forum. And somewhat related, fuck Github and the whole social-coding-media faggotry.
>> No. 25277 [Edit]
>>25276
What's wrong with Github? I sometimes get nice programs or mods from there, so it seems alright to me.
>> No. 25278 [Edit]
>>25277
Not that anon, but Github is alright as just a place to dump code I suppose; it's their push to make things more "social" that's less then stellar. Though this is really subgroup dependent; wading into the "issues" section of a webdev repo is usually a minefield, and I'm pretty sure that's what led to all this "code of conduct" nonsense. From a technical side it's probably adequate, although their PR system is atrocious and their search is complete garbage.
>> No. 25279 [Edit]
>>25278
Eugh, I had no idea. I just used github as a platform for collecting and uploading light programs.

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