>>29714
>undeserving of happiness
I viewed it more as that the unpleasantness and cynicism was a product of the loneliness. But again I watched it quite a while back and don't remember much concrete.

>I prefer Welcome to the NHK
Conversely to me this was more a show focused on agoraphobia and a dumb main character (falling for random scams all the time) rather than one about loneliness and isolation from an inability to connect. I think there's some other thread on TC which explains this view better.

>>29715
You'd probably prefer the novel to the anime, I think. It's drastically different and more narratively cohesive.

As far as Oregairu goes, it's very different from those in that it's a harem romance mainly, although one that happens to have a protagonist who is cynical about social relationships and normalfags.

>>29715
>I watched it quite a while back and don't remember much concrete.
The way I remember Watamote, it was mostly Tomoko embarrassing herself, doing something incredibly petty, or thinking something nasty about people she barely knows. My assessment of her was based on a comparison to myself, who had(has) even less of a social life.

>this was more a show focused on agoraphobia and a dumb main character (falling for random scams all the time) rather than one about loneliness and isolation from an inability to connect
Maybe that's why I like it so much. I'd say Welcome to the NHK explores the disappointments in life and the depressing way things can change, like no other story I know of. The alienation, frustration and dissatisfaction of the main character are things I can easily relate to. Loneliness is in there, but I guess it's tangential to the main focus.

>>29713
Your post is a rant. Mine was a rant as well. We wrote many letters but they all go into null. I find your post to be missing the point so much I barely hold off from exploding with another rant directed at you. And I don't even mean any offense, nor am I offended. It's just how things are.

Your entire post doesn't make sense simply because it targets reason where it isn't applicable. If I could hold onto my reason you'd never hear me rant about anything ever.

>>29734
I was pretty aggravated when my kitten died a while ago. My mistake getting attached though. I'll not ever have home pets anymore. Not of my own will.

>>29735
Mine is not a kitten anymore, in fact she is elderly. I don't know if I hope for her to get through this as painlessly as possible, or if I actually expect her to live regardless, but if she doesn't make it I also won't get another one. The pain is just too much to handle and the burden is too heavy for a loner type of person. Still I think it was good that I did it once, though my family was of three when she was born.

It's so painful when you need to kill yourself this very moment but you can't and this internal chainsaw just makes it a living fucking hell

There's nothing I can do but watch my beloved 2D girl vanish, relegated to nothingness. I thought it would be my decreasing leukocyte count that would do me in, but it might very well be this.

>>29823
After loosing quite literally everything I've realized I've never had it in the first place. The realization did nothing (at all) to help stabilize my mood, though. So instead I rant about not being able to come to terms with myself. Once you get started with ranting it's hard to stop but I am fairly sure it only makes things worse. Or it just seems. I don't really know at this point.

For honesty's sake I'm not at it but I've been dealt a blow and now I feel my fortitude oozing through the wound. Maybe it will turn out okay in the end, but if it doesn't do it soon enough I might make another post here.

I genuinely think I'd be dead right now if it weren't for 2D girls.

I hate winter and I hate social media. The world would be better if things I loved were left alone by certain types of people.

Funny you say that, I was visiting tohno-chan after an extended break and almost got a heart attack seeing the domain on sale! I cant replicate how this happened but TC is still alive! Thank you Tohno and crew!

>>29624
It happens if you try to access the site like https:// as opposed to http:// . For a while I thought that he site was dead too and only when I mentioned it to someone else did they say that it's still alive and I realized that it was a problem on my side.

every cope has an end

>>29632
And exactly one.

>>27513
A follow up to this post, as I've been thinking about my health.
I didn't end up getting anywhere with my hypothyroidism. Healthcare is expensive and I was a neet. Now that I'm working, I went to a doctor again. I will keep up with it this time, because I did feel quite a bit better after taking my medication for a little while. Just had my appointment yesterday, so I'm still waiting on my prescription. Fortunately I haven't developed any "serious" problems in the meantime. At any rate, I'm pretty happy I finally got around to doing this and I'm excited that I'll be able to function properly.
I've been more mindful of what I'm eating. Not that I'm eating "healthy", but I'm eating a better variety of foods and healthier alternatives. Still eat pizza fairly often, but most of the time it's more trouble that it's worth compared to some of the simple things you can throw together in a couple of minutes. Who could have guessed, a simple sandwich is a lot more satisfying than eating a bunch of crap.
My poor dental hygiene has started to take it's toll. Always been bad about brushing my teeth, and not too long ago one of my molars started falling apart. Luckily it doesn't hurt much, but it's really annoying. Food gets stuck there. At the very least, it's encouraged me to do better with brushing my teeth, even if it's a bit too late.
My mom has been trying to say I have anxiety because I'm unsociable. That's nonsense. I'm unsociable because I'm completely alienated. Even when I do try to conversate, it goes nowhere because no connections are being made.

>>29452
i hope you take better care of yourself. at least vape instead of smoke for instance, wash your hair at least once a week etc

insomnia has hit me again

My knees are going bad. All started when I tore a muscle, I was off my feet for two months for the most part. Both legs, but especially the injured one, got very weak and have not recovered. They hurt all the time now. Maybe I'll just amputate!

>>29353
>But I still can't manage to make myself pass out and it's driving me nuts.
In what way? With your hands or another implement? If you're trying with your hands, then it won't work.
>The pressure required to obstruct various neck vessels has been reported as:
>Carotid arteries (2.5 – 10kg, or 250mmHg), a scenario not normally seen in manual strangulation (Puschel et al 2004)
[1] https://archive.fo/EYVxQ#selection-951.0-965.116

>>28769
Why do you prefer full suspension hanging over partial suspension?

>>29468
I already elaborated the reason in my post.
>The other option was partial suspension. The thing that ruled that out for me was the potential of having the noose becoming undone when your body is unconscious and flailing. The risk for brain damage seems a bit much.
But, I guess another reason is that it feels like there's a lot more information out there related to full suspension hanging than partial suspension hanging, making it easier to do research. Furthermore, you have more weight on your neck in full suspension compared to partial suspension, making it possibly a more reliable method.

>Have you ever tried to kill yourself?
Yes.

>What method(s) did you use?
>If you made multiple attempts, how many?
I don't remember exactly, because I was acutely psychotic at the time and every memory from that time feels blurred if not blank. But as far as I can remember it was:
1. Pills, but actually I wanted to jump off a bridge, but because of the pills, I collapsed before I could get to the bridge, so nothing really happened.
2. Hanging
3. Strangulation in the hospital bathroom

>What pushed or keeps pushing you over that edge?
I was suffering from schizophrenic psychosis badly and felt like the only way out of the horrors that I thought were real, was to kill myself.

>How did you feel when you woke up in the hospital or each time it happens?
I never was unconscious, so I can't really say, but I had to go to a psych ward each time where I then stayed for months.

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

On the second thought though being gangraped by cute moe girls might not be so bad after all.

I fantasize about reincarnating or going back in time after I die.
My life was a mess, I didn't live my life the way I think is right and I think it's too late to achieve any of the things I wanted to. So I wish I had another chance, I wish I had another life to try.
I fantasize about everything I would have done if I had another life or if I could start this life over. I wish I were born again in this same era, the late 90s to 2010s, as a different person but with the same soul. Or that I could go back to when I was 0 to 7 years old, without keeping any of the memories from the future, but somehow keeping the same spirit that I have now.
It's a very intense desire, I really wish it were possile after I die.

Lately I've been thinking about how nice it would be to have a daughter. I cannot for the life of me imagine my ideal wife. Even in dreams I struggle to come up with a visage of my "perfect-wife". I don't dream about sex or women. For some reason I can imagine a little 'me' though. A little girl. I want to protect her from the evils of this world and show her nothing but kindness and happiness. All the good things life has to offer. I daydream about buying her ice-cream, and painting her nails, and brushing her hair, and dressing her up in lovely clothes. I want to raise a daughter like Escha Malier, a cute and honest girly-girl that is sweet and kind. I want to watch my little girl grow and blossom into a beautiful and independent young lady. I'm a fuck up so I want to teach another soul to avoid the mistakes I have made with my life and put them on the right path. What >>25922 said is very true. Fantasies for the most part is just unattainable ideal futures that you imagine for yourself. It's not reality. Reality can be cruel and uncomfortable. Reality for me is that I'm going to die alone but maybe the consolation of my little world is that it gives me material for a manga I could write. Art can be a substitute for children.

>>29566
Even if you had the money to afford a surrogate, whatever you imagine raising a kid is like, is a lot better than the reality of it.

>>29382
i feel like the following quote is very related to your sentiment

>"As the measure of man moves from his genes to his bank accounts, from his blood to his wallet, from what he is to what he owns, the worth of man as a biological organism dwindles, until finally he is no longer fit to live in the world."

this pod really is just the capstone on the commodification of human life, it was inevitable. now there is not a single domain of human experience left where we are not being sold a product.

>>29382
It's so funny isn't it? Guns have been traditionally used for killing yourself, they're really effective and they kind of test your committment to dying, regardless of causes or morals. It takes a lot of courage and guts to step into a rom alone with a gun, you know the trigger doesn't fuck around. It's not like jumping in from of a train or from a few story home. A bullet is absolute, total and quick death (before anyone interjects here, lets assume it's not a pitiful 9mm or any other kids gun).

So why then, create this pod instead of just building a shack with a glued down gun inside? Because Anon is right, this demonic machine is the pinacle of everything wrong with modern times. More than that, a gun is ultimately a tool. A tool that can be used to release yourself from the suffering of this world. Or a tool you can use to fight back against those that never saw you as anything other than a number, a statistic, a process to extract wealth from and whose efficiency should've tuned to 100%. But they don't want that, for you to fight back I mean.

I've noticed more and more people have been getting into gnosticism. I'm not into it myself not because I don't believe it to be real but because I am simply too tired to delve into it properly. I just have a hunch those guys are real, man. There is something deeply evil and corrupted about how things currently are, and this suicide-pod machine thingy is proof of it.

A lot of overanalysis in this thread. A gun could work sure, but angle it the wrong way and you will only be permanently crippled instead of dead. The idea of the painless suicide machine and allowing people to choose what they want to do with their life (even end it) is noble enough. I wonder what the detractors think of Canada's MAID program, whether they'd consider that dystopic as well.

This machine is over-engineered though, and feels more like some sci-fi perversion rather than something practical. All you need is a helium mask (or some other inert asyphixiating gas, don't know which is the best). And who would want to spend their last moments in a confined pod, that's just stupid.

https://apnews.com/article/switzerland-suicide-capsule-people-detained-06d38d708d8b8b4b771bb2df047adfd0

Meanwhile I use my phone for AI chats and other stuff for lulz and care for anonymity as much as don't. Really let them spy. Whatever they gather on me, lmao.

>>29439
I'm sure you have all the alphabet agencies spinning in circles as they try to make sense of your posts.

>>29440
I had a dream once where I saw a leaked google document of all internet users and found my real name and photo with the caption: clinically insane. I think since not even I can make sense of my behavior I must be safe from spies trying to draw patterns from me. I'm the embodiment of chaos.

>>29440
"This guy's fucking insane, but damn if he doesn't have good taste in girls. I love Osaka!"

I think I might have suffered some severe form of abuse early in my life (like from 0 to 5 years old).
To begin with, I wet my bed until I was like 15 years old. Also, I had eating disorders, ate compulsively, was obese until I lost weight when I was in highschool. Also, I had very weird behavior until I was like 12 or so. I was extremely violent in school, specially in elementary school, I used to punch or push people for no reason. It's not like I was ever bullied, in fact everyone was always nice to me despite me being so weird, but I got into fights and was generally aggressive for no reason at all. Also, I was always very restless. When I was around 12 my personality started changing and I became more of the extreme introvert type, I mean not like I wasn't extremely introverted before but I settled down. Also I think I had dissociation-depersonalization disorder my whole life, I don't even rememeber most of my life before the pandemic. All of these are said to be signs someone was abused early in their lives. I'm a bastard son, my parents were never married, I had to go to my father's house on weekends due to court orders, and I rememeber I always used to cry a lot when I was with my father, and I don't remember exactly what happened whenever I was at his place, to this day I'm scared of him and feel uncomfortable around him for some reason. I don't really remember what happened, maybe nothing happened at all and I'm just a low IQ retard and all of these things happened just because I'm defective. My father is a low IQ schizophrenic type and my mother is a low IQ ADHD type, so naturally I would be born defective as well. But I feel like something might have gone awfully wrong very early in my life and it ruined everything. I will never really know.

>>29292
you should watch the joker (2019) he basically goes through exactly what you're describing right now

I literally had the biggest nightmare and it was about school. Holy fucking shit I'm not even in school right now I'm in my own home just how does trauma from the fucking school system screw me up that bad? I'm not safe at all from anything...I don't even know how to get over this.

>>29293
If you're going to mention Joker, I'm going to suggest Surge (2020).

>>29344
>>29345
What the hell is "dogwhistling"?

literally what the fuck is this thread? if you're being stalked I'm not sure how this site can help you
>>29343
>spamming crossposter
who?

>>29346
that's just using an in-group's language and inside jokes outside of it to signal that you're part of said in-group

This thread looks to have become less about the topic and more about the posters.