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25323 No. 25323 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Post random things you remember. Little things that left an impression on you.

I was driving with my mom somewhere around the time I was in middle school. It was a long ride. I summarised the plots of eva and saya no uta to her. She seemed bored and a little put-off, but I think she was listening. Then she started talking about how Japanese people have a genetic propensity for cruelness which explained why they would make such things. I thought it was an interesting theory.
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>> No. 25638 [Edit]
>>25636
Same as high school adult social life seems to be a perpetual war, just more subtle. I have seen it pretty much everywhere, specially at workplaces but also in the family and others.
What I don't understand is how so much people can live like that, it's stressing and exhausting, it takes nowhere. I can even understand better the kind person that likes real war or political conflict, there can be some epic on it, but just an eternal loop of petty fights with everyone? I guess it's because I lack of testosterone, estrogens or whatever shit.
>> No. 25639 [Edit]
>>25637
They would make jokes, banter about things, ask questions and just generally try to include me in things. Back then I was not closed off, I just didn't really know how to actually talk to them so my responses were generally short but then later in school I did become closed off and they gave up.

>>25638
Yeah, but regarding politics and war, maybe if you are involved with people that are in politics or something else that is bigger than themselves or that takes a lot of their energy then maybe those kinds of people would be less likely to do this kind of thing. I think that people that are more confidant are less likely to as well, gossiping and putting people down seems more like something that people would do to make themselves feel better about themself or appear better to their peers.
>> No. 25640 [Edit]
>>25624
>>25626
>>25629
This brings me back. My entire youth was with people interacting with me in absolutely abnormal ways and me questioning whether they were in earnest or trying to fuck with me, since it's a memory thread have this:
I was at someone's birthday, in a pizzeria. I had just changed schools after a very serious bullying incident and was trying my very best to not get bullied this time, and become popular and all that. Anyway, there were many guys there and one or other girls, probably parents of the guy who was celebrating, and most were classmates, almost all boys from class were there. I was sat facing the wall, and there were some other tables behind me. People began ordering their pizzas, and I had eaten the first slice or so, when I am approached by a couple (3 or so) of much older girls (I was 11-12, so they must have been 15-17, or even more), they were good looking and I think they were celebrating as well, being dressed with heels, and more good-looking clothing. They began asking asking me things, like my name, my age, and they seemed to do so with a very condescending voice, laughing a bit, I think they took a picture of me also. To this day I have not a single idea what was all that about.
I mean, they literally left their group, went to our group, approach a guy by his back, so no previous eye contact or anything, and talked to me in such a weird way. Did they think I was cute? With ridiculous looking clothes?(I had gone to the birthday with a unfortunate choice of attire).
I wish I could rewatch the incident in a TV or something, to reanalyse the situation. I have a very good memory, even remember the flavours of pizza random guys from that day ordered, and what they talked about, and of many persons quantity eaten, but these situations that make blood run fast, I can't do as much good, but other people were completely astounded by this happening, with t
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>> No. 25645 [Edit]
When I first moved out, every once in a while I'd take the bus back home, to visit my parents, and my cats. The trip was just two hours long, but I could use the time to listen to all my Reitaisai albums, and other music I enjoyed, on my old mp3 player. The ride was never full, usually just me a half a dozen of people spread through the bus. I would spend the trip looking through the window at the somewhat boring landscape of flat grasslands, farms and the occasional small city. Each time of the day gave the ride a different feeling, dawn, day, dusk, night, and transformed the landscape, and I memorized all those images. It felt delicate, comfortable. I was not in a good place at that time, but looking back, I miss it, there is a bittersweet nostalgia. As bad as it was then, it was the last I ever felt this comfort. It's never as bad now, but all the beauty of life disappeared together with it.

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25611 No. 25611 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What are the little things you enjoy? In day to day life, do you have any hedonistic pleasures which you cherish? A cup of tea or a warm bath or gazing at the sky. I love french yogurt. Especially vanilla. It's smooth and creamy and doesn't have a hint of sourness. It's nice.
>> No. 25612 [Edit]
I like to have earl grey tea. It feels nice and warm, and the taste comforts me.

Post edited on 20th May 2020, 12:23am
>> No. 25613 [Edit]
>>25611
For me personally is when I crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentations of their women.
>> No. 25614 [Edit]
File
Removed
I'm a garbage photographer but i like wandering around
>> No. 25659 [Edit]
>>25614
Why was the image deleted?

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22193 No. 22193 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
what is your disability?
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>> No. 25606 [Edit]
After watching this lecture https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXiHStLfjP0 I've been reading The Master and His Emissary which is about the left and right brain hemisphere and how the left is taking over, and it's made me wonder about some things.

I've officially been diagnosed with schizotopy, although it might as well have been schizoid, and in the end I don't really feel it. I can relate to the things in the wiki article as well, but something seems to be off about it, as if it's really just one symptom listed as many. It could probably be described with "wanting to connect, but somehow being unable to". For some reason deep feelings like being hungry for love and having intense need of being involved with others are combined with being aloof and withdrawn which suggests the disconnect and also a wanting for it not to be so. It's like there's a war going on between the part that wants to connect and the part which wants to disconnect; it's like a war between the right and left hemisphere, in which the left hemisphere is winning.

I've been thinking lately how my surroundings coincide with my mental state. It's like my mind is closed, just as I've closed myself away from the world. Back when my parents got divorced, my dad kept a fairly large house and got a 3DPD soon after. I never ended up getting along with the 3DPD for different reasons, and most of the time I was secluding myself in my room on the upper floor with the 3DPD having the entire bottom floor, at least that's how I saw it. I never invited anyone over ever because I wasn't happy, but I didn't want to show it either. I couldn't talk to my parents either, and me and my sister was on bad terms as well. To sum it up I ended up secluded physically and emotionally, and I still am to this day. And while I call it seclusion, what it really is is a lack of connecting, a lack of seeing and being seen, hearing and being heard, feeling and being felt, a lack of physical, emotional and mental connection. I bottle things up, have a hard time voicing my thoughts, which in turn secludes me more.

If you live like someone who's mentally ill, you become mentally ill.
>> No. 25607 [Edit]
>>25606
>it's like a war between the right and left hemisphere

I think I always thought about the same you are talking but in completely different terms; more like the confrontation between expectations and reality. It's like the suicide dilemma, the suicide mostly loves life but because loves life that much he can't keep living in what it is a bad substitute of it or of the ideal he has of it.
For a more simple example, it's like having an exquisite palate and being given dry bread and nothing else. You will turn depressed and stop eating, then someone who can't catch the situation will say "this guy hates food".
>> No. 25608 [Edit]
>>25605
Question is then, why it did meet those parameters before? They just changed the parameters? I don't know but I can't help but feel it had nothing to do with a serious analysis or scientific methodology but because society just changed their views and they adapted to it.
>> No. 25609 [Edit]
>>25608
>They just changed the parameters?
The revisions to the DSM is a reflection of how plastic pychopathology as a whole is. For example paraphilias like sadomasochism used to be broadly represented but today a distinction is made between atypical sexual interest and a disorder. Earlier revisions routinely receive criticism for arbitrary definitions of normality, and the field as a whole was very also slow to adapt to new research on homosexuality.


It's a bit like how left-handedness used to be taught out of schoolchildren through the 1970's.

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25385 No. 25385 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How do different times of day, seasons and weather affect your mood? When spring comes around, and it gets warmer outside, I feel more alive. All of my emotions become more pronounced. This is a double-edged sword. When I'm happy, I feel it much more, and when I am not, that is also much stronger. When it's warm outside, I feel like I have to do something, like there's got to be something to look forward to. Never actually happens though.

I love early morning the most because it makes me optimistic. Sunsets are depressing as hell because the day is ending and I never feel like I got enough out of it. By the time it's night though, that sense of unfulfillment is gone and I feel just fine. Rain and clouds are nice in their own way because everything feels the same the entire day.

Post edited on 14th Mar 2020, 2:57pm
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>> No. 25416 [Edit]
>>25405
I enjoy mid spring the most when temperatures have started noticabely getting better and I don't even need my large hoody anymore. But I also like the peak of the Summer cause I can endure and it keeps most people inside. But I can also appreciate the depths of Winter because how quiet it is allows for a lot growth and reflection. The cold air has something like a spiritually humbling effect.
>> No. 25419 [Edit]
I quite prefer Autumn, Winter, and early Spring over Summer. In my region there isn't a large difference in climate between the three aforementioned seasons (there tends to be more intra-seasonal variation than inter-seasonal anyhow), and so they all generally tend to cool days that culminate in sharp, crisp nightfall. I generally prefer wintry weather (so long as it doesn't get too bitter, which it never does here) since there tend to be fewer people out and about and the tranquil atmosphere is calming. Moderate rain is even better – so long as one is sheltered indoors – as observing the rhythmic pink noise of rainfall and bellowing of the wind puts one in a pensive mood, where you're almost humbled by the ephemerality of your natural surroundings (as >>25416 alluded to).
>> No. 25427 [Edit]
I enjoy fall and winter far more than spring and summer. Summer at least has some things going for it and the heat can be enjoyable sometimes, but spring in general I don't really like. The latter half of the year is the better half. I think the best part about spring is that walking around at night is more pleasant than it would be in the winter.
>> No. 25599 [Edit]
In nearly every way. Spring and Summer I am always more energetic, and in general more content with things. THings look promising, and I feel at ease. During Fall, things start crumbling down and I get more restless, rains a lot here, and I always have this sentiment that rain and thunder alike are punishments from God or something. I feel like an ancient hiding from unstoppable forces. This all said, i live in a so-called tropical paradise. From an outsider perspective "it's always sunny". But even so I feel those things very much and they peak at winter. During the middle of winter it feels like a mess. My mind and body feel like being attacked i am more pessimistic and all.
I also feel these things about morning and night, except they peak at summer. Around 5-7 pm it's the worst time. During winter everythin its too hazy to make out.Every winter is a pain to get through.
I even feel like the specific times when rains are connected with my emotions somehow, not because it rained, but before even raining.

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25362 No. 25362 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Hey /so/. It's been almost 4 years since I've been out of high school and I've been apart of the "underground" internet culture since 2012 and I've been coming here since mid 2015. I moved out of my parent's in June of 2018. Since then I've refused to pay for TV or internet so the only internet I've had is public wifi and the 2 G's I get on my phone every month. Since then I've dabbled in psychedelics and have been eating a sandwich almost daily. I've been having weird dreams of being in school again. I feel like I miss being around people my age and there's not many young people where I work. Is this what true loneliness feels like? I still feel young but how fast technology has moved over the last half decade has made me feel disconnected from younger people. I really do think I'm just getting old and disassociated from society. I have no idea where this is going, just a few thoughts I wanted to share with TC.

Post edited on 8th Mar 2020, 4:05pm
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>> No. 25371 [Edit]
>>25370
You Aren't thinking of the one that turns g0d into Haruhi are you?
>> No. 25392 [Edit]
damn it. i thought it was the other way around

i am not smart
>> No. 25417 [Edit]
>>25367
>I tried editing the post, seems to be a word filter for the herb
First filter I like.
By the way, I get what you're saying, those dreams I mentioned before have those same qualities as well, and I have also came up with similar explanations for the phenomena.
>> No. 25495 [Edit]
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25495

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25491 No. 25491 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Have you ever felt like your brain has been so overwhelmed by an emotion, that eventually it ran out of steam and you were left feeling completely numb and apathetic? Most of the time this has happened to me with negative emotions, but there's been a few times where I felt an uncontrollable euphoria because of some incredible lucking out in bad circumstances.
>> No. 25492 [Edit]
My brain does not run out of steam, I never feel tired. Sometimes my brain switches from philosophizing to thinking in images, that's the point when I am able to dream for a few hours. Some kind of perfect idea, which I still have to comprehend yet, doesn't let me rest.

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25224 No. 25224 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What are your most painful experiences with illness and general bad health? I'll get this started with some of mine. They're not too interesting.

I had a terrible fever once on top of a sore throat and very strained eyes, the kind of thing where moving them even slightly causes pain so you have to turn your head all the time. My forehead was hot, but the rest of my body felt freezing. When I stripped down to my underwear to sleep at night, I felt like I would die from the cold.

At one point I had something wrong with my stomach. I don't know what it was, but it was excruciating. Eating most types of food was out of the question and I lost some weight because of it. I was thin to begin with. At night I couldn't sleep. For eight hours straight one night I just tossed and turned in pain. I was a sharp sensation, coming and going at different spots. I used a soap suppository on myself and eventually it went away.

One year, right before a hurricane, I had a head splitting headache for hours. I almost never get them, but this one was intolerable. I had to take pain killers.

Post edited on 26th Jan 2020, 4:18pm
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>> No. 25268 [Edit]
>>25266
Yes.
>> No. 25270 [Edit]
I don't think that would block anything? The case I'm using has a solid metal front panel and no vents on the sides. It's one of those quiet models from corsair. Also ethernet wired so there's no wifi going to it which can also make me deathly ill rather quickly. I actually thought of making my own entirely metal box around it save for opening in the back to prevent overheating which I'm not worried about anyways since I don't stress it much and really the only games I want to play are old now. Plus I would obviously get questioned by my parent if I did and she already thinks it's not real thinking I'm nuts after I had the router moved from my room to the other room for my own safety. I really just want to a game console to play on occasionally but I can't even handle that especially not with HDMI hooked up to the screen, I need to use VGA because I don't handle it too well.
>> No. 25484 [Edit]
I was a shut-in outside of school from the age of 11 onwards. I was depressed, then extreme eye pain at the age of 16 kinda killed my emotions for a few years, I think I had erectile dysfunction by 16 too.

Fitness and goals helped a lot, but age 21 I got damaged knees, 22 a hiatal hernia and gastritis. So when I do fitness it's really just treating my injuries rather than progressing, it's very demotivating.

I'm now convinced my life will be an endless spiral of self-treatment till I die and I'll never achieve a comfortable physical body, as if I treat one I have 5 more to irritate me.
>> No. 25485 [Edit]
Acute cholecystitis back when I was a teenager. For months, there would be times where I had really strong pain in my abdomen that would last about an hour. Then one weekend I woke up with the pain and didn't go away. Couldn't keep anything apart from water down without throwing up for days. Despite that, my mom didn't think it was serious enough to warrant a doctor visit. Then I eventually started going into shock and finally got taken to the hospital, where after eight hours of tests and waiting they figured out what was going on. They kept me overnight and the next morning they operated on me to remove my gall bladder. My appendix was also removed, since that had absorbed so much of the bile that was leaking into my gut it would eventually lead to appendicitis. Spent another week in the hospital after surgery, and then a few months home from school.
>>25224
>One year, right before a hurricane, I had a head splitting headache for hours. I almost never get them, but this one was intolerable. I had to take pain killers.
I have this happen to me every time a storm moves into my area. Something to do with changes in barometric pressure or other environmental conditions. I hate that shit.

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24516 No. 24516 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Tomorrow I will be going to a neurologist. I have been keeping up the masquerade and going through the motions for many years already, and I think that I can't fool anyone anymore.
People can tell that I'm not one of them, several incidents in the lasts days have ascertained me of that. My parents told me last night that the have already booked a appointment with a neurologist to whom they are acquainted with, and that is set for tomorrow.
I'm somewhat concerned with this, I'm afraid of what I would have to reveal, and the implications of such, but refusing to go doesn't seem like an option. Can someone who's been through this give some advice? Even if you have never been in a similar situation, I would appreciate your assessment.
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>> No. 25478 [Edit]
>>25477
Lately I've been thinking about what psychologists do. Most of them they just work with "normal" people that has problems. But they are still normal, so maybe the psychologist can't really understand a person that's truly abnormal or even identify it. He will try to apply what works with the normal people, so he will fail. All this comes because I'm doubting you can apply general rules for everyone in something as complex as the human mind. Maybe it could work for a majority, but what about what goes out of the norm? It wouldn't be like trying to impose their own rules into someone?
>> No. 25480 [Edit]
>>25477
>And thus I fear that I might ending up creating a "character" for myself and then it will be hard to undo it.
I'm fairly certain that every one of us who has to live outside the comfyNEET lifestyle inevitably needs to practice this skill, along with everyone who's even slightly abnormie.

Even those of us on NEETbux are doing this (the Uncle Remus guides are very much about grooming an artificial character).
>> No. 25482 [Edit]
>>25478
I've been thinking like this as well. The thing is some statistics show that these sort of things are really more common than you would think, but at the same time there seems to be an incongruence between the data and reality. So it could be that they are in fact abnormal and thus no therapist will have experience with it, or they are common and most abnormal people are just good at maintaining a normal appearance, this also doesn't sound very realistic. But the question is, should not a trained professional who spent years of his life dedicating himself to psychology be aware and knowing of these sorts of things? This is the kinda of thing they are supposed to be prepared for, after all.
>> No. 25483 [Edit]
>>25482
I thought about that too, but if 99% of their patients are normal, how they will detect the abnormal? I'm just thinking about the advice and topics you usually hear. Like "humans are social animals". Sure, but there's a percentage of people that aren't, there has always been eremites that were happy living like that. How do they know they aren't just imposing their values to individuals that will be clearly unhappy with these values? I feel like I couldn't trust a psychologist.

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25452 No. 25452 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I've been having severe sleeping issues, recently, totaling over a hundred hours without any real sleep. It got severe after Friday evening, when I got the worst panic attack of my life where I was pretty much certain that I was going to die from suffocation from Corona-chan (I didn't have it but I thought so), so my mom had to call the emergencies to help me. Thankfully, the ambulance was never sent as they realized I just had a panic attack and I got to talk with a really professional nurse, instead, who guided me on how to try to remain calm. Later in the night, I still thought I was going to die, though, and started confessing all sorts of things to my mom about my hobbies, like a death bed confession of sorts, to keep her from later shock... she took it all surprisingly well and isn't seemingly judging me at all for my perversions, even still, and it honestly feels good to finally know that it doesn't gross her out how I am. While I'm now better, I got a sort of burnt-out breakdown from it that I'm still recovering from, which is giving me a feeling of pressure inside of my head... I hope it will pass, soon, but apparently it tends to take some time for it to do so. Anyway, from Thursday to Monday, I only got about eight hours of sleep, and three of those hours were in the night to Thursday, so really just five, then. Incredibly, I didn't start getting hallucinations before very late, aside from a more "normal" one, after waking up from very brief sleep, where I was thinking our dog was crawling under a sofa (my bed was on the floor, near the sofa).

Earlier yesterday, before I finally got some good rest on Monday afternoon, I was hearing barely audible, almost demonically creepy trumpet-like music in my head. My mom was taking me to the hospital for the insomnia, but we got there too early as I had forgotten the time to be there. On the way home, I thought she had the radio on on a super low, barely audible volume, but she didn't. I kept hearing it when we got inside the house, too, but it was too low to actually hear the melody. Then briefly later, while washing my hands, I heard some man, very close to the right of me, in a low voice, laughing "heh-heh-heh-heh," maniacally. It literally gave me shivers.

Then the night leading to Monday, I had to go get painkillers fo
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>> No. 25473 [Edit]
>>25472
Probably not.
Sounds similar to what I feel like and I haven't died yet. It appears to be mostly mental. Shit life syndrome.
>> No. 25474 [Edit]
>>25472
I'm having it too and I was absolutely terrified at the beginning when it started to show itself this year. It feels like my mind is associating sleep with death, which is the reason for me waking up after every two hours. Every dream ends with a shocking sound, a loud door slam, a waking word, a loud tone.
Lying on back is the most comfortable position.
Eating less doesn't help at all, the superfluous energy stays there for the auto-shock therapy.

The problem is deemed to be a mental condition.
>> No. 25475 [Edit]
>>25473
>>25474
Yes, I think it has to be the same thing you described, nightmares included. I will try lying back but I have never slept like that in my life, it feels weird.
There's something I don't get, I'm not particularly unhappy and just a few years ago I was a lot worse. Right now I'm enjoying the confinement of last month. I have less stress than ever, no doubt about that, then why it has to happen now?
>> No. 25476 [Edit]
I just started getting nightmares again this week. They are like re-experiencing certain experiences from many years ago. There was quite some time since I last had them, and I was even starting to think those would be past matters, what a thing. I don't feel anything in particular with regards to my body, just the nightmares themselves. I don't know whether the technical term would be bad dreams but whatever.

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25236 No. 25236 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How would you like the world to be? If the world could be changed completely, what would one in which you were happy look like?

Rule: It can't be 2d; the fundamental construction of the universe has to stay the same. You can remove your knowledge of 2d if necessary.
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>> No. 25421 [Edit]
A world where there are no illnesses.
A world where intelligence dominates. Greater literature, like Nabokov, is mandatory. No place for platitudes - such rooms of blankness are replaced by memories. No set phrases, no emojis, but original codes of beauty.
A world where little girls do not grow up.

There isn't much to improve. The century doesn't matter much, people in power have all the capabilities to act upon their desires. Everything is in decay, and art captures the moment of immortality.
>> No. 25422 [Edit]
A world where I'm the only person, not necessarily everyone is me physically but mentally I mean. Nothing would get done but I would be happy by myself
>> No. 25451 [Edit]
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25451
A world where I can progress, not limited by physical health issues nor mental health issues.

If I could continue surpassing myself day after day, with close loving friends and moreorless a set script for life rather than the confusing nothingness adulthood feels like.

I used to think people were either 'good' or 'bad' at things, but the weight that I could've been good on a different path, rather than a complete failure disaster hurts.

It really feels like straying off a different path makes me further distanced from society on the normal path. A different path would be fine if I had the talents to be independent.
>> No. 25466 [Edit]
>>25451
Same

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25423 No. 25423 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Where have you tried looking for answers before regarding the desires which make you miserable? No matter how hard you look online or in real life or in your head, there's no permanent consolation, no real answer for those questions, at least as far as I know. I've tried time and time again periodically to find evidence that total acceptance of me from someone is a real possibility, and every time I came out of it with nothing. I never expect to find anything and i'm not suprised when I don't, but a feeling of dissatisfaction grows inside of me time and time again that eventually forces me to look despite all the things I know telling me it's pointless.

Post edited on 24th Mar 2020, 7:54pm
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>> No. 25447 [Edit]
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25447
>>25446
Tiny child who came out of a plant is another one. Thumbelina, The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter, Momotaro.
>> No. 25448 [Edit]
>>25445
I wasn't thinking about structure, I don't know enough about film theory to notice that.
It's something more obvious. There's always a man who goes from a lower point to an high one. Then he meets his hubris; depending on the movie, sometimes he gets destroyed by it, or redeems himself before that. He always mets a woman and starts a family, the woman always acts the same way (probably quite realistic though) and at some point it will get in conflict with the protagonist, because 1)economic reasons 2)not spending enough time with family/doing dangerous work or lifestyle for family. And she will abandon him and take the kids with her. There's also some rare variants without children or with children dying, but with similar results.
Just think all the (good or even great) movies with those elements, movies that can be completely different in setting and themes.
Think about Goodfellas, Amadeus, Scarface, The Lord of War, Barry Lindon, it's all there and that's just thinking about really good movies.
>> No. 25449 [Edit]
>>25445
It's also easier/safer to stick with a known structure than to risk something novel.
>> No. 25456 [Edit]
The only consolation I can give myself is that there might be a path to power that can physically and metaphysically re-write reality.

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