Thanks for creating the new thread.

I've been having a headache and light tiredness for the past week, it appeared out of nowhere. It almost feels like the day before you get a fever, except the fever never comes. (I can't help but worry if it's due to the one dose of the covid gene therapy i took almost 4 years ago; some people say that igg4 tolerance can create such symptoms of extremely mild but persistent illness.) I hate that I don't even have the wherewithal to enjoy cute things anymore.

aaa

Being left alone in peace and quiet. Isn't that all I want? It's not like life is going to get get any better.

I just want to spend time with my hobbies.

my mom walked into my room without knocking and told me "happy new year's eve". i immediately knew where this was going, because she never seems to ever be legitimately just kind for kindness's sake, she usually expects something in return, so i stayed silent. she then asked "do you have any resolutions for the next year?", to which i said "not really". i've historically never been able to follow through on any resolutions i've set for myself, so a year or two ago, i stopped bothering. my mom didn't take it very well. she got really mad out of nowhere, but i saw it coming. she told me something to effect of "your list of resolutions should be a mile long! you should be wanting to get a job, and a car, and a driver's license, and going back to school..." she rattled off pretty much every failure of my late teens so far, with literally no provocation from me. i'm somewhat used to it at this point, we've been getting into shouting matches at least once a month since i dropped out of college around 9 months ago, and she's really passive-aggressive...or sometimes outright furious about the fact that i can't drive, and therefore, can't work due to a lack of reliable means of transportation. sometimes, it's just really minor stuff that sets her off, like me accidentally getting into her leftovers or something while she's out, even though she's routinely gone for days at a time sometimes and will sometimes go weeks without shopping for food. she always manages to turn every conversation we have into how she's a victim of how apathetic and lazy i am. how i never do anything for her and how she tries oh, so hard as a single mother raising an ungrateful child for 19 years. every time i try to counter (she does lie and get stuff just wrong a lot of the time, for example, i'm the only one doing any housework because she's usually gone for days at a time), she throws an outright tantrum and starts crying, or screaming, or breaks stuff in the house, and starts threatening to throw me out and sell all my belongings. she'll then retreat to her room to smoke weed and chat on the phone for hours like a teenage girl. sometimes she'll just disappear for days at a time. rinse and repeat...
it's getting really hard to live like this, but i don't really know what to do about it.
my mom's side of the family is worthless at best, and at worst, they cape really hard for my mom. they'll routinely remind me of all of my shortcomings, some of which aren't even true since they're the same lies my mom tells everyone about me, but nobody listens. i never get the same charity or goodwill that anyone else in the family will get. my grandmother would routinely let my aunts and uncles stay with her when they needed it, but when i ask, i get told "no" by everyone except her. when i ask "why", the answers range from "well it's not your house" to "granny just wants to be alone" to "you're not one of her children". i guess i'm not important enough for them.
i cut my dad's side of the family off years ago, at my mom's suggestion (in hindsight i probably should've listened to my mom less. that can be my new year's resolution.). my dad was abusive towards her, and seemingly got really mad, really easily. i remember him getting mad at and sometimes beating some of the women he was around. he was never really abusive towards me, though, but still, there wasn't much value in keeping his side of the family around. they were always kind of a bad influence and there was never much stability, he seemed to be really into the whole gangster lifestyle so he was always moving around from place to place. it's kind of scummy of my mother for to now, suddenly, want me to reconnect with my dad's side of the family now that she's tired of me, she's not-so-subtly trying to wash her hands of me, but i'm getting past the point of caring.
sometimes i'm scared of my mother following through on her threats. i wouldn't really mind if she just disappeared, at that point i'm not sure if my extended family would have a choice when it came to taking me in, and as horrible as it might sound, i really wouldn't be super sad if she died, but there's also the possibility of her throwing me out of the house. what would i do with all of my stuff? i wouldn't be able to keep it anywhere and i can't just take it with me on the road. i shouldn't have to sell everything i own, and it probably wouldn't amount to much anyway. sometimes i'm scared of her just throwing all of my belongings away under my nose. i'll lock my door sometimes, but she'll just incessantly beat the door until i inevitably get tired of her and open it anyway, at which point she screams at me for wanting to keep my door locked. i've considered running away and even throwing myself off the nearest bridge more times than i'd like to admit, but that wouldn't really solve anything. my mom would still play victim and pretend that she didn't see it coming. or worse, lie about everything and pretend that i killed myself for some petty reason. i also don't think that should be necessary for me to get out of my situation. i don't think i've ever really made any mistakes or done anything wrong. i was born to a shitty deadbeat dad who left and left with a single hysterical victim-complex mother who's consistently bad with money, to the point where she currently has a cat and a weed addiction despite seemingly barely being able to pay rent. my family basically tells me to fuck off every time i try to ask them to help at all.
i get nervous whenever i leave my room. i'm scared that my mother is going to try and..."talk" to me. her smell makes me sick. the thought of sharing cups or mugs with her makes me sick (she keeps stealing my mugs for some reason, but i digress). i get angry having to tard-wrangle her pet cat. i start to panic every time i hear a door open or whenever she wakes up and i hear her alarm as she stomps around in the morning.
i'm going to try and contact my father. apparently he went to jail, did time, and fixed himself up. i'm hoping he'll let me stay with him, and maybe then i can get myself out of this situation. if that doesn't work, i don't know what i'll do.
...i'm sorry if this post is obnoxiously long. every time i talk about this, i either get ignored or called lazy, so i always feel like i have to add a ton of context.

>>28619
Sorry to hear about that anon, i hope things get better for you.

>>28619
Learning how to drive would be useful regardless of what path you choose to take.

>>28627
not him but while I have a license I'm scared of driving. It's mentally taxing, and if you're mind is absent for one second then you're going to crash. I'd rather just live somewhere where I can walk or bike to places.

>>28619
your mother has NPD, insecure "people" with a constant need to bully others in order to feel good about themselves, they'll nitpick the smallest most insignificant, pathetically vain things, in order to have even the slightest excuse for going on a tirade of which the essence is how terrible of a person you are and how amazing of a person they are, your mother most likely prefers you being a NEET so she can kick down whenever she feels like it, the "i'm getting mad because i care about you!" act is nothing more than lies, don't be fooled by any act of "kindness" since they're not capable of empathy, only mimicking for manipulation purposes
i think you should take the risk and go with your father, i'm not telling you to commit suicide, but death is preferable to living with one of these monsters, being in an environment where you don't have to walk on egg shells, maybe you're going to be capable of working your way towards independence, so you can get away from all these morons entirely, you should strip yourself of any empathy you might feel towards these insentient imbeciles and exploit them to the maximum to achieve your goal, it's only fair, the least they could do for making your existence so miserable

>>28628
I hopefully don't mean to be too straightforward but your situation seems a bit serious to me so...if driving was one of the few ways to slowly leave that kind of life I would consider it. It's just something I've perceived from your post.

Everything would be better if I was rich!

I want to say something but I can`t.

>>28619
what country are you from?

>>28627
>>28631
i'm definitely not against driving, but me not knowing how is a bit of a story. in my state, you can get your learner's permit (and i think a special license, but i don't remember) at age 14, but the permit requires that a 21 year old with a license has to be in the vehicle with you at all times. really stupid law, i don't know why it has to be an adult who's at drinking age and not just someone who has a license, so my only option when it comes to having an adult in the car so i can legally drive myself to the DMV is my mom. i've gotten my permit renewed 4 times at this point, but have never been able to take the test to get my license because the only vehicle we have is my mom's SUV, which i can't drive because it's way too big (the one time i tried, i couldn't see the road at all, and i hit a curb once and my mom immediately panicked and told me to get out the driver's seat). this is another thing my mom likes to make me feel like trash about, the fact that i refuse to try and drive a SUV again, even though i've had other people explain to her that different vehicles have different weights, and a SUV is not a good vehicle for a beginner.
we've had multiple opportunities to use someone else's car; she had a boyfriend with a car i could've used, and my grandmother used to have a smaller car, but every time, plans fell through for one reason or another. my grandmother got a SUV and got rid of her old car, and my mom broke up with her then boyfriend. she keeps gaslighting me about it and tells me that it's my fault i don't have a license because i always gave excuses for not using their cars, but this never happened, usually it was her being "too tired" to go driving or take me to the DMV.
my mom bought a car for me to use when i turned 18 (it's important to note that the car isn't in my name, so i technically don't own it. this stuff is confusing and nobody taught me how these things work). i didn't ask for a car, at this point i was telling her that i didn't need or want one because i was going to college, but she did it anyway. the car she got was really old and cheap, and it broke down once as i was driving. it got to a point where getting it fixed every time something went wrong was more trouble than it was worth. a few months ago, her SUV got damaged in a wreck, so she actually doubled down and tried to get the car fixed so she could use it, but then the second her SUV got fixed, she just abandoned my car and told me "when you get a job, you can pay to get your car fixed" (ignoring that i need a car to get to work in the first place, so the priorities are backwards. she gets made and screams at me whenever i tell her this). i told her on new year's eve to just sell the car off, to which she yelled at me about how she's still paying it off (despite not even using it anymore?) so she can't sell it or return it. i then told her "you shouldn't have gotten the car in the first place, i told you i didn't want or need one", and then she got mad and screamed at me again.
all i really need is a bike or something, but she won't even do that.
>>28643
united states

My time off work has come to an end, and I feel more exhausted than when I left. It was just trading one hell for another.
I'm so tired of being around others. I just want to enjoy the quiet and not have people forcing their absurd expectations on me. I don't care if I'm good at what I do. Shouldn't be my problem, but people just want to use me as a "get out of jail free" card.

no hope

>>28652
Your parents sound like real crap. Is that house even built properly? Anyone can build one, but doing it right is another matter.

burger

My first 25 years of life were very difficult but I survived somehow. I'm still in a mess but starting to think more clearly. I think I'm starting to recover and recompose myself. But I think it might be too late (there will be too many problems ahead and I won't survive). I want to apologize for my behavior.

This is it. I can't keep thinking "If only killing myself were easier". There is no alternative. As long as I still live, I will do everything to die. Hopefully this will take care of the problem quickly, maybe even a single day. There was never an alternative. Every path leads to suicide. Every idea that isn't suicide will be actively led back to suicide. I won't give anything else any more leeway; The clock is ticking. The future is only my death. It's impossible to think of anything else. It always was. What seems different will be taken apart and brought back to suicide until it is fulfilled. I am already dead, only the fulfillment of an act already set in motion remains. It wouldn't even be me doing it, it has already been prophesized to happen. I have finally ended the problem.

>>28661
why are you so determined?

>>28661
unless the suffering is unbearable, there's no need to rush, it's not guaranteed that you will live out a full lifetime, you don't have to go looking around for death it will come for you because it is inevitable, most of us will be dead before we even know it

Sorry.

I wish I had someone in my life that gives a shit about me.

>>28605
me too

it's incredible to me how badly i managed to destroy my life before even hitting the age of 25 although i've inevitably reached the conclusion that age has little relevance in anything, even if i'm fully aware that the odds were against me and in retrospect my life ended at the age of 7 which is humorous because i've always held the notion that i'm not going to make it past this age mark since prepubescence and it looks like i may be proving my past self correct, the only escape for me at this point is suicide, that or be tortured everyday by the psychological equivalent of cancer for the remainder of my existence, after a consciousness' termination blissful non-existence follows, this is a rational realization but there's also an emotional component because i truly want this to end and for there to be nothing, anyone who brings an innocent creature into this pointless, worthless, cold ugly world to be molested and traumatized incessantly and perpetually until dropping death for doing nothing wrong other than being involuntarily shat out a cunt is either an unconscious animal or a psychopath, there is no demiurge and if there is one it takes pleasure in cosmic suffering, some may refer to it as "evil"

>>28683
>my life ended at the age of 7
Please elaborate.

i just dont wanna deal with any of this

aa I was doing so well over holidays, but since last week it keeps getting worse
>>28656
borgar

the dog which my family owned since i was 15 died about three months ago, i've been emotionally disconnecting myself from all forms of 3D for the past few years by applying a mentality which is essentially ethical sociopathy onto myself, therefore i wasn't phased by its death when it happened, i forced myself to cry as an outlet for whatever emotional residue was left over from the period of my life in which i did care about it (i was the only one who did and took care of it most) and after that i stopped thinking about the whole thing almost entirely, however i was recently struck by the realization that ever since this incident occurred i've been feeling more dead inside and detached from reality than i usually do, as much as it pains me to admit it

I wish I could reincarnate after I die. I feel like I didn't live my own life. Or that I could go back in time in this life. I wish I had gotten into math and computer science when I was like 4 years old, at least in my early teens, and not care about anything else. I wanted to go to an university and become an academic. Learn a lot of stuff and do a lot of stuff.
My life is fubar. It's too late for a lot of things. Everything will get worse and there's no escape. In most scenarios, I end up homeless. It is a golden opportunity to at least tell the world how I feel in a thread like this but it feels awkward and embarrassing. It's very complicated, if someone asked me how I got here I wouldn't know where to even start. There are a lot of things, even with a 10k chars wall of text it wouldn't be enough to cover all of my problems and worries. But it doesn't matter, what matters is I couldn't/can't seem to make it because there are too many problems.
I don't know whether I should give up without even trying or if I should still try despite everything, and if I should try, what even could I still try.

>>28691
This is relatable. I won't disclose my age but I'm in my mid-late twenties.
In any case, I was a very gifted child, but I was also extremely lazy. It became apparent from an early age that I was very advanced in my vocabulary and writing ability and was actually very good at mathematics as a small child too.

Some time around 8-0 I decided that I wanted to be an author, so I completely neglected mathematics. More than that, I thought that it was worthwhile to stop practicing it at all, favoring the lifestyle of "the artist" instead. I honed my writing ability from 10 to 17 and I deliberately skipped my mathematics classes, proclaiming it to be a waste of time, etc.

In any case, a few years ago I lost my motivation to write, so I went back to school for I.T, since I have an interest in computers and always have (considering I'm on here) but had never put in any effort to learn how to program anything, including basic webpage design like HTML.
I quickly discovered that maths was totally essential for my classes. There's many cases where I simply can't do the work at the same pace as everyone else, because I'm trying to catch up with the numbers. I discovered that I essentially have the mathematics skills of a 10 year old, because that's when I stopped paying attention to maths.

I wish I could do my life over and pay attention in class and not try to spitefully forgo other skills just because I want to double-down on another one.

Oh, and I would like to brush my teeth. I stopped doing that at age 12 until 16 and I suffer the consequences daily.

>>28683
>my life ended at the age of 7 which is humorous because i've always held the notion that i'm not going to make it past this age mark since prepubescence

I wonder what psychological situation causes this kind of thinking to take root in a child? When I was 8 or 9, everyone in my classroom was told to gather in a circle and talk about what they'd like to be when they're older. I strongly remember saying that I wouldn't be alive when I was older because I would have died in a car accident or had some sort of ill-fate by then. Naturally the teacher told me that I was extremely pessimistic and had a bad attitude, but it is a weird thing for a child to talk about.

>>28692
>Some time around 8-0 I decided that I wanted to be an author, so I completely neglected mathematics. More than that, I thought that it was worthwhile to stop practicing it at all, favoring the lifestyle of "the artist" instead. I honed my writing ability from 10 to 17 and I deliberately skipped my mathematics classes, proclaiming it to be a waste of time, etc.
Did anybody put those ideas in your head, or have a problem with you neglecting a subject completely?

>>28694
>Did anybody put those ideas in your head
My Mother, my teachers and the school. I was placed in an advanced English course that I did in lieu of regular English and had regular one on one meetings with a local author to further my education in a more specialized way.

And no, nobody had an issue with me neglecting any of my subjects. I failed the classes, but it is not mandatory to pass any classes in highschool here if your parent says it's fine, at least not until you're in your final two years at which point it does become compulsory.

>>28695
It's too bad you didn't go to a school with lots of Chinese kids. I did, and math was considered king. Engineering and computer science are math heavy and actually pay well. The poor writer stereotype has existed for decades now, so I have a hard time wrapping my head around this.

I've done so many things I regret. I can't help but question whether I'm really a bad person, deep down. I can understand why people don't trust me. If I went back and did some things differently, I would probably just screw things up in some other way, later. Sigh.

>>28691
Relatable. I have a "why bother" attitude towards life. It feels like something people only develop in middle age or older. It's hard to take care of myself without defaulting into a mindset of "nothing will come out of this". People say the journey is the destination and I know all of that and the dangers of being idealistic. Still, that very same journey doesn't seem worth starting or maintaining when you've seen what happens to others with a late start like yourself.
I don't want to go back or wish I could've done things different, that only adds to the stress. It couldn't have been any other way for me and others, in my view. Bad experiences are like death, I'm better off not thinking about them until they happen. If they are memories, we are very good at gaslighting ourselves. Sometimes they are too hard to ignore so I'm posting here and venting with an image.

Another unrelated vent while I'm at it because I noticed I've been holding onto this since Christmas.
A family member I only see once a year lectured me about the future, he wasn't trying to berate me, it was the opposite, but his arrogance mixed with what I perceived as condescending pity got to me. I simply told him I wasn't doing much at the time and he told me not to worry (I don't). He is the type of person who only gives advice to hear themselves talk, worse of all he was also babbling about meditation and the ego trying to relate to me. I've meditated before and one lesson I took from exploring that is not talking about it. I was really close to ruining Christmas but I'm glad I only talked back a bit to shut him up. It's not a good feeling knowing my family looks at me that way and I prefer not to attend family reunions or birthdays. They say they want to see me and ask why I don't go but they only really like how I was more accommodating to them when I was younger compared to my siblings and they still have that perception of me. Won't give them the satisfaction of seeing me next year.

It's currently the weekend, which most people fawn over as this great thing, but I disagree. During the week I take CCNA classes and they can be very exhausting and mentally draining, but every time I learn something new or understand the subject matter better I progress as a person. It's a valid use of my time and I although it is a pain, it's way better than sitting around doing nothing all day. During the weekends while class is out, I find that I have no motivation to do anything but sit around and bullshit for the ENTIRE day. It's not always this way, sometimes there are things to do or people to hang out with, but when I'm confined to my room I get so miserable. There isn't really a whole lot to do around where I live and I'm just waiting to finally move at the end of this month to somewhere much more exciting that I believe will motivate me to get out and go do things.

I know it sounds pitiful, I'm only 10 days out from this location change that seems like the solution to my problems and I'm complaining. Even still, it is the weekend right now and I've wasted my Friday night and Saturday doing nothing. I find comfort in this board though

>>28699
Hello again, I wrote the above post. This Saturday actually turned out to be one of the best I've had in a while! I was gonna stay in the rest of the day and probably mope, but I went out and actually made something of today and had a lot of fun!

I did so on a whim just after typing up that reply. I think I just needed to write my frustrations down so I could see and process them to then create a healthy response to my problem.

Sometimes, it's yourself that holds you back and you don't even realize it until you actually get up and do something about the problem you're having.

I only do what I want to do. I guess that's why life isn't too bright right now.

Just when I came to the conclusion that my psychological circumstances couldn't possibly become worse than they already are, out of nowhere something happens and proves me wrong. At this point you can't help laugh at the absurdity of it all.

>>28703
What happened?

Got hit by a car quite recently.
i wish i had died, that's all

>>28707
If it had only been a truck, you could have been isekai'd. No anime ever began with someone being run over by a Toyota Prius.

Work has been hell lately. Somehow in a year, I went from never employed shut-in to being treated like some highly experienced veteran that has seen everything in my field.
Expectations are higher than ever, as well as my desire to be free of it all.

>>28699
I think that's reasonable, if you are completely drained during the weekdays then it can take a day or two just to recover from that so you can be in the mindset of being able to enjoy something. 2 days of recovery is really too short after a week of wageslaving.

>>28698
I can't sleep and now that I'm reading this again, it makes me feel worse. It reads like something someone spoiled and ungrateful would write. I understand we're supposed to not keep our worries to ourselves here but I find this a bit embarrassing despite being anonymous. The truth is, I'm physically and mentally traumatized even though I like to pretend I'm not. I feel impotence mixed with anxiety, fear and anger, lots of anger. At some point, I figured that instead of moping, it is better to have a sense of peaceful wrath and move forward in silence.
I don't want to sound childish and say it's all their fault, just know that they did have a lot to do with it. The full story is also embarrassing, both the way I acted and more so the humiliating way I was treated by them. Now I realize my behavior was me being young and not knowing any better. Forgiving myself is easy but the trauma won't let me forget nor fully forgive others for what happened. To clarify, it wasn't SA, It was something along those lines and I couldn't bring myself to touch my shitty father for 2 years. Sounds like cope but it really wasn't, the trauma is not only due to a single event, there are also memories that have accumulated over the years. Sorry for being dramatic, whenever I read posts like these written by others I can only feel sadness and wish they get better, so I'll keep trying to do that. A few tears left my eyes writing this.

I think I'm not going to make it. So I wanted to at least say something, leave a record that I existed. But it's awkward and I'm not good with words. So nevermind.

>>28713
one day we all will fade away

>>28713
Goodbye.

I stopped showing up to university so I failed every single class.

I don't know what I should say.

>>28716
Oh hi me from 10 years ago.

>>28707
I hate cars and the fact most of the places we live were built for them. Were you injured? I have a sore back and even that saps my will to live, ridiculous as it sounds.

>>28716
If it makes you feel better, one time I took an intense 3 hour night time art class for a whole semester and then found out, a day before the final exam, that I never successfully signed up for that class haha all that time for nothing.

Never went to the final exam

The problem is life and being human.

The problem is our outlook on life.

>>28728
Suffering (which is exacerbated by consciousness) and death are integral parts of the human condition, while pleasure is not guaranteed. Regardless of what your outlook on life is, it won't protect you from mental illness, cancer, poverty etc. Pessimism is a consequence of perceiving reality accurately.

I seriously fucked up at work

>>28736
That's alright anon. Your workplace will get by. It's not that bad. Try to relax and not worry about it, okay?

Got excluded and I'm feeling alienated
It just makes me want to exclude and alienate myself more

>>28738
Excluded from what anon?

>>28740
It's an internet community/friend group I've been a part of for years now. It's not the type of exclusion where they tell you to go away but rather the subtle kind where you feel like you made a wrong choice in a VN in real life. I know it's the internet and I can step away from the computer anyway, but it still hurts.
I could brush it off and deal with the awkwardness until things go back to normal but bleh. It made me rethink my approach to the way I use the internet and how I view ¨friendships¨ in it, it's not that I'm naive, maybe I became unconsciously attached to them w/o realizing it. Taking a break from it right now. This wasn't on d*sc*rd by the way, ew.
I went outside to take a walk, clear my mind and buy things I needed, ended up having nice interactions with different cashiers, probably because the weather was nice and comfy. I live in a small city so people outside tend to be nice, sometimes. Old people doing morning runs/walks will say good morning to you for no reason around 5-7 A.M (I was late). I'm still not over it, although I'm feeling better.

Having tea. I wanna get drunk but I haven't had anything to eat yet.

grow up.
there is no friendship in the interwebs.

>>28745
Not with that kind of attitude there's not.
The best people I've ever known are all from the internet.

I want to run away.

>>28745
>>28746
I didn't believe in them at first, now I don't know what to think. Internet friends can go offline and never talk to you again whenever they want. Besides loneliness, seeing people in my life come and go made me give it a try. ¨It doesn't matter if I never see them again as long as we have fun¨ It's what I thought. Better to keep the good experiences I had as a memory and ¨grow up¨.
I'm tired of the internet.

>>28748
Tired as well, but of everything. Of thinking, feeling, reading, typing, clicking, watching, trying, failing, succeeding, talking, chores, eating, sleeping. Just everything. Maintaining oneself is such a hassle and I don't even see why I should continune to do so. Shotgun to the head seems more attractive with every year.

I cannot take care of myself.

>>28750
Can someone take care of you?

>>28750
Might want to learn how before it's too late. The longer you put it off the worse it's going to be.

>>28750
In what sense?

>>28746
yes, with that kind of attitude !

>>28746
People have brought me nothing but suffering and stagnation, both offline and online. I wish I understood this when I was younger and kept to myself, maybe then I would have been able to live out a semi-decent existence instead of pure agony.

Emotional pain is turning into physical pain, exacerbating the cycle.
>>28756
The worst mistakes in my life have had something to do with oversharing.

>>28757
I always wondered what would have been if there were somebody who understood. Just as we can more or less understand us each other here.
Nice Yui btw. Great girl she is.

I cried over elementary school trauma that happened to me almost two decades ago. Maladaptive daydreaming failed me today, I have no other choice but to drug myself up with chamomile and hope it just goes away.

>>28753
In every sense, I guess. I don't shower, don't brush, don't do laundry or clean around, barely eat once every couple days, don't go to my classes and don't do much other than sit here. God forbid I ever stop getting financial support.

>>28761
You should atleast brush your teeth to avoid dentist visits.

I feel like I'm in a downward spiral these days. Now and then I take a look at myself wondering what the hell I'm doing. I've betrayed the simple pleasures of my hikineet days, and have been slipping further ever since.
My family members are so proud of me for working and tell me I'm doing great, and yet I'm totally disgusted with myself and how weak-willed I am.

Obnoxious mentally ill freak, abomination. Pointless existence. Shouldn't have been born.

Need rest.

Knowing that death is certain is the only though which brings me comfort.

>>28781
I don't exactly want to die, there are things I want to do, but life sucks.

>>28781
It puts my mind at ease a bit, knowing that no matter how much pain we endure in this life, one day the pain will stop.

I'm not enough
And I will never be

>>28601
Some of the early images in the last thread are mine. It makes me wonder how long I have been in this loop of trying to get better and failing. I always lose sight of what made me want to try again after weeks or a month.
There are things I tell myself I want to do but if I truly wanted to do them I would have done them by now. It's been years and I still have the same goals which shouldn't be hard to accomplish.
I wrote a long post traumadumping on another (now dead) imageboard and it did not help so I won't do that here. My goal for this year was/is to harvest cucumbers at home because I figured that would help me take care of myself too. I chose cucumbers instead of plants or flowers because I read that they are easy to grow and more importantly, I learned of the Japanese idiom ¨Dango over flowers¨, they translated it as ¨Food over flowers¨ and that left an impression on me. This sounds really depressing now that I'm writing it.
>>28764
Not him but I will try.

>>28804
Him. Good luck.

I found my Willy Wonka golden ticket, but too late.

I hate that I'm somehow still alive.

I started thinking that i dont wanna think at all, i don't like thinking, these thoughts make me feel terrible and something i can't even describe. Every day it just gets worse.
I'm probably starting to understand now why people start drinking and stuff but i've always had a life position to never drink or smoke and im not gonna betray myself. I just don't know what can i do, i want to keep all the thoughts away but i can't find a way to.

>>28823
I like drinking!

>>28823
Just wanted to say substances legal or not won't solve an issue, but the help they can or can't provide varies from people to people, there are layers to it, and it depends how much you can tolerate the problems in life while staying sober or if said issues torment you to the point of start thinking on consuming whatever, if that's the case you probably would benefit a bit from it, but the cost of momentary relief being too expensive or not depends on yourself.

>>28826
Such a cool responce. I have read this like 10 times.

>>28823
I wouldn't recommend starting substances including alcohol, at least on any regular basis. They absolutely aren't entirely bad and can indeed help you cope with stuff, but it's extraordinarily easy to become dependent on them if you're already deep in the dumps. I speak from experience and have known several people who were/are in the same boat.
Ultimately it's up to you to decide whether you think you'll become dependent and if you can still handle the issues while sober, as >>28826 said.

>>28823
I was the same as you, except I didn't had that mindset of not trying them, so I did. Luckily I didn't turn into an alcoholic or a smoker. Drinking is fun but it gets boring after the novelty wears off and although I enjoyed my first 2 packs of cigs, smoking isn't worth it, at all. They are both expensive vices, especially if you are a neet.
I think your mindset of not wanting to betray yourself is admirable, tohno.

This nightmare ends soon.

Been half-writing a bunch of posts and giving up. I'll simplify them all for you: I am tired and unhappy.

The liquor store was closed yesterday. Better be open today.

I'll have to apply for ausbux. I simply can't work because of mental diagnosed issues I have since I was a child, there's also the fact that every time I tried, nothing ever went the right way in my life. I'm old and tired, or at least older than most around here, financial issues on top of being mentally crippled is truly unbearable at times and it gets worse every year that passes.

aa

I can't blame anyone but myself for making me suffer. I can't handle the way the world is or keep up with its demands.

I've gotten told I should express my feelings more on several occasions. When I actually do express what is bothering me I just get a lecture about how it's my responsibility and free will and that sort of stuff.

If that's what it's about, then I should be free to kill myself, right? I can't be held responsible for how it would make others feel.

"Why am I here? How am I here? I don't want to be here. None of this makes sense.". These thoughts have been consuming me since the age of 10-12. I've been thinking about suicide and death from the moment I became even slightly conscious. Nothing has changed with age, if anything I've become even more afraid, angry and confused. I really don't understand how billions take this reality for granted and bring children into this world to share their misery in this pointless existence, without question. At this point, I only want to die in my sleep.

>how it's my responsibility and free will and that sort of stuff.
Ah, I hate that about ford drivers. Whenever something goes their way, they'll take credit as if it were their own workings. But when something goes wrong for them, then they'll blame outside sources. All the while, they'll lecture you about "responsibility." Hypocrites. As for expression, it's funny how in society, we aren't allowed to show a hint of emotion, but when someone goes on a killing spree and shows little emotion, they act somehow confused and disturbed by it - as if it came from no where. It's not like it's been completely vilified to show any sense of humanity. When a mentality exists that it's not okay to show any other emotion other than anger.

Here’s to a Christmas filled with high FPS, low ping, and epic wins! May your loot be legendary, and your gaming chair extra comfy. Merry Christmas, gamer friend!

Mess of feels that I can't put into words.

>>28860
I can't either and it isn't worth it.

You can't escape from some of the ugliest parts of reality even on the internet, I fear.

I looked for several minutes for good pictures of anime girls, eventually I just decided to be real with myself and post my favourite anime girl, though I like her because she is relatable.

If I were to post in this thread every time I thought about killing myself, I would post every day, but I don't have the energy for that.

There's so much to say that I can't say anything. I just feel utterly worn down.

>>28866
Same. I try to only post here when I'm emotionally bedridden.

>>28866
Yes she is the best, and very relatable. For a part of my childhood we were so poor that my mom couldn't pay the electric bill for months. At least I haven't been homeless yet.

Why do I keep shooting myself in the foot and then wallowing in the pain asking why I'm in this position? 7 years of this and I only have myself to blame. I wish I could've been normal and functioning like everyone else, what's wrong with me.

Most of my life was spent being a victim of monsters.

>>28874
Mine still is and I don’t even know why this is happening
All I can do is hope for something better when I eventually die

I am a terribly cold and expressionless person. Not because I want to be, but because I don't know any other way. I wish people could look past that. I'm only accepted for my competence and capabilities.

I shouldn't have gone on the trip after all, I feel even worse than I had before. I wish I could muster up enough willpower to let it end.

In retrospect, my life ended decades ago. My current existence is a post-mortem experience.

I can't stop saying retarded shit and making a fool out of myself. I am an embarrasment. Please give me the motivation to go to the store and buy some rope.

It's the hope that kills.

No hope kills, but vain hope. The hope of things that cannot be and were not destined. Sorry I'm broke on pictures.

>>28924
Thanks for the senko art!

The forces have thwarted my plans once more. the accumulation is still impossibly far away. At this rate I will have no choice but to destroy this form in the hope of a more fortuitous arrangement.

tired

I want to go somewhere far away where I don't need to see or hear these people ever again.

>>28953
>these people
Which people?

I want to scream.

I think the only thing that's kept me going is this vague notion that maybe things will get better someday. With each passing day however the reality of the mater gets harder to ignore, that things aren't going to get better, they'll in fact get worse and worse.

>>28956
If you do nothing, nothing happens. They already got worse for me and exposing myself to certain failure with positive expectations would be quixotic now.
It's the fleeting moments when I can forget myself, and the little influence even someone like me can have in this world that keep me going.

I wish I could search pictures by the vibe they give. Most hit the mark and I am not about to waste myself suffering through the flood that's boorus. Being stuck with one picture that just randomly caught your mind is not fun though.

Correction: miss the mark.

>>29003
>I wish I could search pictures by the vibe they give
I'm fairly certain that CLIP-derived models should be able to do this. I don't know if anyone has actually created a usable image-search tool out of it though.

I found https://github.com/kingyiusuen/clip-image-search.

binoko for bad days...

>>28716
I can't tell if this is a call to arms or some divine mockery. I've been in this exact same pretense for the past 2~3 years and I can't snap out of it. Doesn't help I made a retard of myself on my first two years and so whenever I come back to class I'm returned hostile faces full of scorn and contempt.

Post edited on 2nd May 2024, 6:38am

>>29021
Having your reputation ruined is the worst.

Post edited on 2nd May 2024, 12:47pm

she's happy

>>29023
Fortunately for me, I have no reputation to ruin because no one knows I exist. Oddly, in the last several years, my inhibitions have lowered to an extent that could almost be worrying. I once cared about these things - how others saw me. Now, I am completely indifferent. It's as if my ego and social preservation instinct have vanished entirely. I've ceased to hide my oddities. Perhaps part of it has to do with the idea that I may not even be here on the planet in a couple of years. Even at some points, I hope to put off normalfags by expressing ideas that are outside of the matrix. Part of me wants to become a pariah. It's not like I directly seek to antagonize people. Rather, I show complete disregard for social games and hierarchy nonsense.

Recently, some christfag lady approached me and asked me to put a pin on a board corresponding to how you viewed the meaning of life. Normally, I just respond with a vague cookie-cutter response that aligns with a typical normalfag's train of thought. However, this time, I chose to be completely honest for the shits and giggles. I pinned it on the one that stated "Life has no meaning." The lady questioned me and asked me, "If there is no meaning to life, then how do you keep going?" I replied to her, "I operate on survival instinct." I don't remember how the rest of the conversation went, but all I remember was that she had the utmost look of utter devastation in her eyes, as if she could simply not comprehend that someone viewed the world that way. There was another time where a different christian lady from the same group approached me and asked that same question. Except that time, when I said that life had no meaning, and then she twisted it to say, "So you think it's okay to go out and kill people if you want to?" I almost said yes but then backpedaled, kek. I don't remember the rest of the conversation, but she kept insisting that you can not have morals without god, and without god, people would go out and kill each other. By that point, I had given up and went back to regurgitating generic bluepilled rhetoric. It is comical how entertainingly retarded people act when you challenge their entire worldview. Holy fuck, it was a rush. I know experiences like these are at my own detriment, but somehow, I can't give a solid fuck. In some way, I find making normalfags socially uncomfortable by going against norms, intentionally breaking social rules, and overtly mentioning unspoken rules, it brings me gratification.

>>29026
>Recently, some christfag lady approached me and asked me to put a pin on a board corresponding to how you viewed the meaning of life.
I loathe these types of people because there is no winning with them. You will be preached at no matter what your answer is, even if you know and prematurely call them out on it. You made the right choice trolling them.

>>29026
I honestly don't share the sentiment.
There seems to be an abyss regarding the age gap between yourself and the people you mention, arguing religion or morals with the elderly, just for the sake of messing with them is no different than stealing candy from babies.
>making normalfags socially uncomfortable by going against norms, intentionally breaking social rules, and overtly mentioning unspoken rules, it brings me gratification.
A lot of people ruin other people's life because it gives them gratification. That's in fact how bullying works, and if I had to take a wild guess, many people ITT feel like taking their own lives because of situations like that marking them for life and snowballing into trauma.

Seems like every several years I dumpster my previous identity and adopt a new one. I've got a crackpot theory I'm prone to this due to lack of intimate connections. "The self" is something of a social construct and without people around to consistently validate and acknowledge your identity you're prone to "cognitive hynagogia" in which all experiences are opened to be reinterpreted. The old self dies and a new one takes its place.

Sometimes like right now I think about ending it in a physical sense. Mentally I've done it a few times already.

>>29028
Both women were within my age range. Neither of them exceeded 35. Neither of them could have been considered elderly.
>A lot of people ruin other people's life because it gives them gratification. That's in fact how bullying works, and if I had to take a wild guess, many people ITT feel like taking their own lives because of situations like that marking them for life and snowballing into trauma.
Normalfags bully people because because they have subtle harmless oddities that they may not be able to control. It's not only that, but you can't express any idea or train of thought that goes against the herd. This makes them uncomfortable, and they concoct this idea in their mind that the individual who expresses such ideas must, in fact, be a bad person. They will invent reasons and twist that person's behaviors in a negative light. It creates a justification for them to bully that individual as they please. This bullying lightens the sense of discomfort they feel, and it creates an incentive for the bullied individual to conform to get the bullying to stop. If they consider your social status low, then they'll just fuck with you to augment their own. In a lot of cases, I honestly think that gratification might actually take the backseat. Also, I think that a lot of bullying is actually group bullying. They take part in the bullying because everyone else is, and they do so because they don't want to be rejected by the herd. They don't want to be associated with the party being bullied because it will lower their own social status. Because bullying can be used as a way to augment status and to get others to conform, it is why bullies often end up successful. They play the game, and they play it exceedingly well.
If anything, these christfag types are the bullies, and they use religion and morality to justify their bullshit. "God will just forgive me." They will go out of their way to paint you as "evil" or "satanic," if you don't conform to their bullshit. Then, they use this mortal fear of eternal suffering to milk funds out of you - to get you to "repent." It's all virtue-signalling. I never see any genuineness out of these sorts of people. They want you to be afraid of god, constantly walking on eggshells, scrutinizing your own actions to the nth degree. It's the same shit that normalfags do under a different coat of paint.

Post edited on 3rd May 2024, 11:09am

>>29026
Unless there's more context, you were clearly being rude, and certainly not doing yourself any favors by emphasizing your differences. I used to have a similar state of mind, but time gave me a new perspective, and now I feel ashamed of my prior conduct. Your hatred of normalfags doesn't lead you anywhere good.

>>29030
>>29026
>>29028
Mmm maybe no one knows I exist right now either, which is a good thing compared to the bad reputation I used to have. There's a lot I'd like to say about my experience doing similar transgressive acts towards people that deserved it and the ethics of being a modern Diogenes but I'm tired.
>I know experiences like these are at my own detriment, but somehow, I can't give a solid fuck.
I became more direct and learned how to say no instead of letting others steal my time for that reason. People would come up to me to try and sell me something (including religion) when I used to feed pigeons at the park to starve off loneliness.

This bocchi scene was a personal attack.

Being humiliated for being an idiot feels so good. It makes you punch and cut yourself, scream at the top of your lungs. But in the end, it makes you learn your place and makes you realize how much of an incompetent imbecile you really are. There's no need to struggle anymore, you lost a long time ago, when you were born probably.

>>29033
I don't think it does and you hurt my feelings with that post.

Post edited on 3rd May 2024, 1:25pm

>>29034
I guess he is the masochistic type.

>>29031
>bad reputation
If you don't mind me asking, what led you to have a bad reputation? Although I have been more aggressive recently, it almost feels as if I have some sort of immunity. I've noticed that I get favoritism by my superiors, and every questionable thing I say falls on deaf ears. Though, that could actually not be the case, and they're all just shit-talking me behind my back. But oddly, I don't feel like I have anything to lose. I'll let them do whatever they please, and I will just continue with persistence. They don't have anything of mine to destroy. I already have no friends, no sense of self to ruin, no reputation, no future, nor livelihood. They have nothing to gain but gratification by witnessing my destruction, but they likely won't get the full level of satisfaction because I will not react due to indifference.
>Unless there's more context, you were clearly being rude
What was rude about selecting one of the options that was presented to me? It wasn't as if I answered that out of the blue. I was essentially in front of a board with a list of set meanings of life and a pin. I entertained the opposing side's ideas politely and respectfully, and I simply answered their questions honestly.
>certainly not doing yourself any favors by emphasizing your differences.
I already stated this.
>time gave me a new perspective, and now I feel ashamed of my prior conduct.
Elaborate on this perspective. Do you have any past experiences you are willing to share? What makes you feel ashamed about them particularly now?
>Your hatred of normalfags doesn't lead you anywhere good.
I've truly tried to force myself to not have disdain for them. I've tried at every opportunity to see good in them, but it always leads to me being taken advantage of while they laugh amongst themselves. Every. Single. Time. they let me down. Then, I ask myself, "Well, why did I doubt my gut feelings about these people?" Whether I try to play their games or not, it always leads to the same outcome.
>>29032
>There's a lot I'd like to say about my experience doing similar transgressive acts towards people that deserved it and the ethics of being a modern Diogenes but I'm tired.
Well, if you ever get some rest, I'd be very much interested in hearing your experiences.
>I became more direct and learned how to say no instead of letting others steal my time for that reason. People would come up to me to try and sell me something (including religion) when I used to feed pigeons at the park to starve off loneliness.
Ah, yes. I used to try to help people (within reasonable boundaries) whenever I could, but people still had a disdain for me, although they would not say it to my face, regardless of how polite or kind I was. I regurgitated all of their bluepilled opinions, attempting to believe them deeply. I always put a smile on my face because any slight hint of negativity was met with rejection. I did everything to spread kindness to everyone and everything, but it was stamped down by the harsh cruelty of normalfags. So, I thought to myself, "Why bother?" because the other option leads to nothing. I refuse to let myself be taken advantage of by vultures. If you're going to be an asshole, then don't get mad when you're given a taste of your own medicine.

Just experiencing the same loops and phases over and over again. This has gotten extremely tiresome and boring.

cuddling & snuggling with さや
>>29035
I-I see...

>>29048
You're not the only one.

>>29033
sounds like you debated me.

>>29032
Felt nostalgic after writing this post so I went there to feed pigeons again yesterday. I discovered feelings of bitterness that I couldn't fight against seeing students walk by. I was unconsciously clenching my fist and had to breathe to calm down. That Bocchi scene fucked me up after I watched the first episode when it aired 2 years ago. It made me feel like going to the park alone was pathetic and I didn't do it again until now. Well, now I know the feelings of those characters in dramatic manga panels in the middle of a crowd.

>>29036
My bad reputation was due to a big misunderstanding/incident that I could've handled better. Some tried to reassure me it wasn't that bad, others thought it was funny but most didn't want to talk to me. It's in the past now and everyone moved on except for me. It's the type of thing not worth remembering. Sorry for making you curious.
Stablishing boundaries isn't being an asshole, I only trolled a few salesmen after getting tired of reluctantly telling no to them. I initially wanted to tell you how I did it but writing it out made me feel like an asshole, It's not something I'm proud of.

Post edited on 8th May 2024, 3:30am

Venting is never worth it.

>>29058
That sounds rough. Seeing stray groups of people like that creates similar agonizing feelings in me, too. Sometimes, I think if there were never any other people around, then I don't think I'd ever really feel bad about being alone because I'd have nothing to compare it to. I don't think it should dissuade you from going to the park again. Perhaps look for a different park where there are few people? Perhaps go during a different time? I don't think it's a sad thing, at all. I don't know why every activity has to be a "group" activity. If you already enjoy doing something by yourself, then how much more enjoyable can it get if you're doing the same thing with other people? To be honest, I never really knew that people considered going to restaurants alone to be a "sad" thing recently. But I happen to do it all the time. Actually, those times I consider the happiest. It's fun to go once a month, eventually try everything on the menu, and then pick another restaurant and do the same thing. The former idea never really crossed my mind, until others planted it there.
>It's the type of thing not worth remembering. Sorry for making you curious.
I understand. I apologize if I brought up any negative feelings.
>Stablishing boundaries isn't being an asshole, I only trolled a few salesmen after getting tired of reluctantly telling no to them. I initially wanted to tell you how I did it but writing it out made me feel like an asshole, It's not something I'm proud of.
I don't think you should feel like an asshole, at all. If anything, he was the asshole for coming up to you unsolicited, trying to sell you whatever bullshit for his own self-benefit. Those types of people are usually schmoozers, anyway, and he'd of likely told you anything just to get you to buy his nonsense. But somehow, it gives me hope that you would feel guilty for doing things like that to people who might partially deserve it. It's not wanting to cause any person troubles, even if they were a nuisance to you. I admire that, and I remember that I used to be that way, but I feel like it has been scorched out of me.

I apologize for the long read.

>>29066
I like that japan (supposedly) has places where it's basically assumed you'd go alone, e.g. ramen shops.

Why?

Mom dragged me out to look at potential houses to move into yesterday. One she already looked at before and wanted my opinion on it, and her idea of how the rooms would be allocated offended me. It's a big house with big rooms, but she wanted to stick me in some tiny room with a glass door and no locks while everyone else got the nice rooms.
I wouldn't mind it if I was still living rent free or whatever, but she expects me to pay rent. Story of my life getting the short end of the stick with these people. I'm always an afterthought unless they need something.
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of just about everything these days.

>>29076
If you're paying rent, why not walk out? (or threaten to)

I must be cursed.

Feels like I have opened a floodgate of emotions and become completely overwhelmed, unable to handle the deluge. With each wave that approaches, I feel like I'm increasingly losing my ability to control it, I'm afraid I might be losing it.

>>29083
What sorts of emotions?

>>29083
Please do whatever it takes to stop it you're gonna ruin yourself and that's not a joke. Emotions are covert evils, they're all nice and good on the leash, but never let them get off it. I do know what it feels like, and in my experience you're the only one who can realistically stop that, albeit you might need to talk about it to somebody/somewhere

Feeling very over today. For the sake of honesty posting here because couldn't check myself in time and fantasized quite a bit about exiting

I haven't posted here in several months because I've been trying to crawl my way out of about 8 years of hikkineetdom, but there's so many roadblocks.
Not talking about normal roadblocks either, I always get stuck inbetween the cracks of whatever system I try to navigate.
I wonder if I just have some weird government mark on my files that say "fuck with this person in particular and make their life hell".
Everyone was right about me being unable to do anything with myself and I'd rather just disappear than feel embarassed.

>>29106
Worms ain't fly, huh? Don't be upset, it doesn't matter anyway.

So much pain... everything hurts. And it's all for nothing.

tell me why I shouldn't just fucking overdose on melatonin pills right now...

Because you don't want to

>>29109
Overdose via pill has a low success rate and is more likely to end up with you becoming disabled.

>>29109
Tell me why
Even try
As you wait to die
Are you feeling better?

>Madoka
What's you honest take on relationships between Homura and Madoka? I'm too thick to fathom this their zeal to save each other.

>>29125
Not him, but I never understood why people idolize Homura. I feel like I posted this somewhere on TC before, but to me the whole plot of the show showed exactly what happens when you go overboard in idolizing someone. It's perhaps understandable, but it's not really a positive character trait. In that sense Madoka Rebellion actually showcases a fitting conclusion, but people (possibly the same ones idolizing homura) seem to hate that movie for some reason.

>>29125
I wrote a review of Madoka a while back.
>>/an/34857
>>/an/34863
The long and short of it is, to me, Homura was an uninteresting plot device whose significance was pumped-up in the movie, which I also felt was extraneous given the anime's conclusive ending(I'm inclined to call it a money grab). Her "relationship" with Madoka, was less-than-half baked. Kyubey was the real main character imo, kinda like Ryuk.

>>29130
>>29129
Oh I think the comment I was talking about is the reply to your review. (At least I think that's me...)

>>29132
(am >>29129 anon)
That makes sense, if you can relate to the character traits of Homura. You're right that probably my lack of interest in Homura as a character is that I cannot empathize with her (and I felt Madoka was never really fleshed out as a character) so the anime as a whole did not really grab me. By contrast I'm able to empathize much more closely with avoidant-personality types (like Raimon in Hoshikuzu Telepath) so shows with such characters (or their personality duals) are very near to my heart.

>>29132
>It has been quite awhile since I've watched it last and I find it difficult to remember a lot of specifics
Same, but from what I do remember, Homura was barely in the show. At the end though, she becomes super important and the key to everything. I'd say Madoka is more plot-driven than character-drive, which isn't a bad thing.

Maybe I'm wrong and she had more screen-time than Sayaka, but that's not how I remember it, so she couldn't have left that much of an impression. How much of your attachment to this character comes from just watching the show, and how much comes from engaging with supplementary and fan material?

Please don't cry

>>29111
>>29115
Yeah I'm....ok. I've felt more anxious now more than ever. I just don't know anymore.

>>29145
Do you know how to calm down?

I haven't killed myself because of pride and ego otherwise I would've done it as soon as possible. And I'm worried where I'll go after I die or if I'll come back to this world, possibly with less consciousness or inferior physique. Thinking of death makes me warm and happy though I have trouble admitting those feelings because I'd kill myself immediately.

>>29140
gomen

>Same, but from what I do remember, Homura was barely in the show. At the end though, she becomes super important and the key to everything.
I think that's what they call a plot-twist.
>Maybe I'm wrong and she had more screen-time than Sayaka, but that's not how I remember it, so she couldn't have left that much of an impression.
The 3 last episodes and the movie. That's practically a whole season. How much time is needed for to leave an "impression" on you? 1000?
>How much of your attachment to this character comes from just watching the show, and how much comes from engaging with supplementary and fan material?
...How is that any different from any other girl?

I deleted my initial post because I shouldn't have offered a serious response to an obnoxious retard like you. Kill yourself.

>>29157
pat pat

>>29158
who's this new guy and why is he being so talkative and abrasive
I gotta post an anime girl now, you made me think it

There is something in my prose that repels people away from me and evokes contempt, and it looms over me in every interaction I have. I can sort of see the reasons why but I don't know how to fix it. Could you tell me what's wrong.

>>29158
>How much time is needed for to leave an "impression" on you?
If Asuka only became significant in EOE, I wouldn't care about her either. The movie felt tacked on given the show already having a conclusive ending, so it just gave me reason to be annoyed with Homura. If I was supposed to care about her, the show failed to do that for me. The only thing I can do is explain why I think it failed.

Sorry I insulted your shitty waifu, but this isn't /mai/.

Post edited on 27th May 2024, 10:34am

thank you your opinion is very important to us

>>29164
>your review
I'm not >>29161
I'll keep speaking my mind without concerning myself with the feelings of the mentally ill. I also didn't disregard anything. I responded to >>29125 and then this BPD basketcase responded to me. If somebody likes a character, good for them. I don't have to like what anybody else does.

>Think about what this question is implying
If I didn't know what it was implying, I wouldn't have asked it. That's how it is with Touhou characters, and there's wrong with that. Not going to pretend the supporting cast is interesting and fleshed out in the mainline games though.

Post edited on 27th May 2024, 1:29pm

>>29165
>If I didn't know what it was implying, I wouldn't have asked it.
Ok, I deleted my post since you weren't the person asking. One of the flaws of anonymity, I guess.
>That's how it is with Touhou characters, and there's wrong with that.
I could argue the same for Madoka but as I said, I don't want to discuss that right now, much less with someone who is being rude to others in a thread like this one.

>>29166
I'm only rude to people who are rude to me. I'm not a nurse. It's not my responsibility to mind a crazy's delicate, complicated sensibilities.

>>29167
That makes sense. I'll just say that their reasons for liking Homura are understandable. I personally prefer Madoka but they belong to each other.

>>29169
>What's you honest take on relationships between Homura and Madoka?
>Her "relationship" with Madoka, was less-than-half baked.

>I wouldn't pester them and go out of my way to try and convince them that the girl and series they like is actually bad
You responded to me, I never "pestered you". You insulted me first. You broke clear-cut rules. You are in the wrong.

>>29171
>posting it unwarranted
Someone asking for an opinion on something, and me providing an elaboration on my opinion, is not some conspiracy.
>annoying primarily
I don't care if having a normal discussion annoys you. If it were about any other topic you're not emotionally invested in, I bet you wouldn't have this reaction. You don't get to create new rules. If you don't want to have a discussion, don't respond.
>You insulted me first non-blatantly and subversively.
More paranoia. I'm NOT your nurse. I didn't steal your mother's pearls. I just like talking about anime.
>Am I in the wrong morally?
Yes. Your victim complex blinds you to this.

Post edited on 27th May 2024, 3:18pm

Please take it easy.

Let it cease.

https://aggie.io/
No rude.
Only draw.

>>29183
That's awfully good picture.

I'm tired of holding on. There were never any hope, only false ones. Nothing will ever change.

>>29193
Are you in college? What you're describing reminds me of dorm life.

>>29194
Not him but living in what they call a low-trust society is like that in general. Every weekend is like that. I've actually retaliated against neighbors by blasting anisongs on my speakers à la Yamazaki. They usually start being noisy and play their own music when I do that in the mornings. I don't do it often or out of spite, really. It happens when I'm in the mood for it since I don't like looping the same songs over and over again. It's not that serious. Or maybe it is and I got used to it.
Those circumstances force you to accept them or beat others at their own game.

>>29202
A few more screenshots and I'll have it on my watchlist

Perhaps clinging on to "hope" is a foolish way to live after all. It might be more constructive to dedicate myself to the "end".

>>29223
It is crazy how much this girl invokes wanna-protec-her feeling.

Got a notice out of the blue that I need to pack my things and leave. Gonna be moving back with family for a while.

Living with parents as a KHHV is like rolling a dice each day.

>>29244
and why is that ?

>>29245
Because they're firmly convinced being a KHHV is a sing of mental problems.

>>29247
Any reason why you disrespect yourself so much?

>>29247
>I have a huge pile of garbage and 4 dozen piss bottles in my room.
Is that like a routine you do to pretend to be crazy?

>How am I disrespecting myself
You're unhappy.

>>29251
>I'd probably still piss in a bottle because I don't like seeing my family,
What helped me was walk around the house pretending they don't exist. I also don't talk to them or eat the food they prepare for me unless it's absolutely necessary. It was hard to do at first but I figured I shouldn't be the one who hides from them. Fuck them.
>>29252
It's the other way around, people self neglect because they are unhappy.

Post edited on 10th Jun 2024, 9:55am

>It's the other way around, people self neglect because they are unhappy.
It's not. We neglect our minds and that makes us unhappy. Then it becomes a loop which is very hard to escape.

>We neglect our minds and that makes us unhappy.
What do you mean? Some of us aren't lucky enough to be able to meditate and feel better, it helped until it didn't for me. Our outside circumstances also have to change for that to happen. Self neglect is never the answer but that loop can start when you have one of those depressive episodes anon talked about.

Post edited on 10th Jun 2024, 10:36am

>>29254
Is this the equivalent of saying that depression is just a state of mind or whatever, when in the majority of cases it's because life is just shit (and even the shrinks are beginning to admit it https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shit_life_syndrome)? Yes the things can compound with each other, but claiming as though depression is mostly due to lack of mindfulness or conversely that simply taking care of yourself will solve it seems like some strange mix of absurd optimism, modern psychiatry, and absence of empathy/lack of experience that I'm surprised to see on TC.

>>29255
The advice to meditate can make things worse [1, 2, 3, 4] if you are prone to psychiatric disorders or do not already start with a mostly equanimous state of mind.


[1] https://www.newscientist.com/article/2251840-mindfulness-and-meditation-can-worsen-depression-and-anxiety/
[2] https://danlawton.substack.com/p/when-buddhism-goes-bad
[3] https://harpers.org/archive/2021/04/lost-in-thought-psychological-risks-of-meditation/
[4] http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/the-dark-knight-of-the-souls/372766