>>25913
If that's the case, why aren't all schools like this? I highly doubt inner city schools are better. My school was similar to yours, in fact probably smaller, but while I was made fun of at times, nobody threatened to kill me or consistency harassed me or assaulted me. I didn't pay much attention to everybody else, but I don't remember seeing that kind of thing either. Maybe it's the time period.

>>25914
The private school where all the overtly evil stuff happened could have been an outlier. Things definitely weren't that violent when I transferred to public; junior high onward, my classmates' modus operandi was typically lying to and manipulating teachers or following me around harassing me, often about the lies they started about me. It is hard to say why exactly it happened, though.

>>25913
You don't have to be rich to go to a private school, many poor people send them there as a status thing. My mother(a warehouse worker) works with people that send their children there, there was also somebody in my area that sent their children there at the expense of everything else, the child was hospitalised for malnutrition in the end.

Maybe that is the cause of it, sending poor children that can barely even afford to eat to a school for upper middle class kids would breed quite a bit of animosity.

I always had trouble making friends, but for most of elementary school I wasn't too sad or lonely about it. I didn't particularly enjoy any subjects, most stuff was easy enough and I'd daydream a lot and draw here and there.

Middle school was when I started getting bullied, but lucky it ended after a couple of months when I got to sit elsewhere. I still mostly kept to myself, but I finally made one of my closer friends and we would write and draw stories together. After school I didn't join many clubs or groups, just heading straight to the library and reading books. Daydreaming a lot turned to relying on creative writing to really deal with how dull life got, even though I always knew it'd be hard to make any money off it. In 8th grade I had some good times playing Magic the Gathering.

9th to 10th grade was the worst and I wish I could just redo it. I'd want to say most of it was just depression and being immature and socially awkward. And then 11th to 12th grade things looked up a bit, I enjoyed a couple of my classes (useless philosophy and psychology) and made friends mostly over video games we played outside of it. Still, by that time I was frustrated enough with real-life that I didn't really try with 3D girls, but I don't think doing so at that age would be any better than playing a lot of games. I ended up having to retake some classes here and there but it ended up working out, and there was less overall time spent with school if you took required classes the first two years.

I spent most of college on my hobbies and I had some high streaks but also couldn't find the same level of friendship back in high school, and didn't enjoy video games as much anyways. There was an SSBM group I tried to hang out with but I didn't have the time or effort to grind skill as much as they did, I suppose I did go to martial arts club though. Classes could be pretty bad and I had been too lazy to change my major (probably would mean less time on hobbies if so) in the sense that there was usually a good deal of SJW brainwashing. Being stuck in apartment meant dealing with/facing certain people regularly, a brainwashed SJW and an alcoholic for my last two years. Still, I overall probably let the depression get the better of me back then and probably could've made stuff bet

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>>25873
>When I go for more than a few days without fapping I start getting intense urges.

Isn't this normal? I thought it was.
I have a certain paraphilia but it isn't as fucked up as yours or it affects my life too much. I think being into practically everything a degenerate imagination can be into has helped me to not to be particularly obsessed.
Still, I think I can understand your situation. It's a shame sexuality can fuck you up so much when we don't have any use for it.

sugar

>>25875
A girl would be a big help but not wanting somebody with my problems is pretty reasonable. It's not all woe is me. I'm selfish and covertly narcissistic. I've managed to unlearn some of that but humans are like dogs. Some tricks are easy to teach but difficult to unlearn. Humans are no different.
Not all hope is lost on finding someone but it feels like playing the lottery. The kind of person I'd want is also going to feel hopeless and won't put much effort into dating or socializing. The chances these people ever meet is pretty slim. Girls like that exist but they're much better at blending in with normals. You can't just look at someone and easily tell they're a (compatible) weirdo.

I've been considering therapy but there aren't many psychologists in my area, especially men. If I just wanted drugs (psychiatry) I'd be golden... I've solved a lot of mental issues on my own but I worry this is different. Or that I won't have it solved for many, many years. My insurance is pretty awful for mental health but open enrollment is soon.

>>25876
It's normal but... not normal for how I deal with it. What makes the urges hard is how uncomfortable I am with sexual thoughts. It drags up a lot of shame for me but at the same time it feels nice... People seem to call it confidence but I don't think that's accurate. It's more like a drive to do things rather than sit at home all day. Just taking a 30m walk does a lot to vent it out. It's a mixture of fear, hornyness, loneliness, confidence, drive, and despair. I think this feeling is why teenagers always act so stupid. They're learning how to manage this feeling. I always suppressed it and now I need to figure it out. It's tempting to hit the release valve but it's a short term solution creating a long term problem.
When I get past this I'm not going to be the same person. Both in good and bad ways.

>>25911
So you're a selfish, covert-narcissist, masochist? That makes no sense. Is forced arrogance your way of compensating for low self-worth? A real selfish person doesn't even think about these things. They use others, discard them, and forget about it while still thinking they're a decent person. They don't get turned on by being stepped on to end "the cycle of abuse" or bullshit like that, they just devour people.

Post edited on 18th Sep 2020, 4:39pm

what is it about me i wonder

>>26278
You're a good person. If you were living in the 2D world (read: just world), you would have gotten a loli for your troubles.

>>26278
I find incredible how some people can be so extremely noisy. Last neighbours I had was like having three horses on cocaine going free into the roof, current neighbours are a family of sandniggers that don't work or do shit and literally spend all their waking time screaming at each other in the most loudest way possible. I also suspect there could be some domestic abuse there but I don't even care and I just would like them to shut up for once. All that while having to deal with the noise in the street, even with a curfew there's people screaming in the streets in late nighttime.
What I don't get is why you feel depressed, you avoided having that shit in your house, what's the problem? If something, having to deal with noisy humans depresses me because it makes me understand how living with people is hell, how I live in a culture I'm completely alien from, how I'm never going to get used to.

>>26290
>having to deal with noisy humans depresses me because it makes me understand how living with people is hell, how I live in a culture I'm completely alien from, how I'm never going to get used to.
Same, it makes me think the world is inherently ugly. The alienation part is the worst.

>>25807

You do you man, if you can't take a joke it's little wonder you're fucking miserable.

I think I just inadvertently leaked my trip due to being retarded, but it's not like I use that password or trip so it doesn't matter. Feel free to use it to mock me I don't use imageboards anyway, just wanted to have a real convo on irc rather than shitposting.

Honestly though not sure that as a mentally ill person that surrounding myself with a hive of the same, is even a remotely healthy mentality.

>>25812
Why not delete the post and remake it? Also, it can be very therapeutic to interact with like minded people, where as it can be stressful to feel alone. Also, try not to make an ass of yourself if you want to have civilized chats.

>>25813

Dude, I'm in the midst of a nervous breakdown, I can barely think straight to figure out how to edit a post right now.

>>25554
So like a child without any responsibilities? Dogs don't have hands, anon. Even if you cut off your own hands, at least there's prosthetics.

>>25555
Exactly, I've reached the point in my life where I feel I'm spiritually broken and my attempts at functioning in society have backfired. Some reason my motivation went to zero.

I do wonder what happened to that Boomer the dog guy though, he's been inactive for years.

I'm not a furry but I wonder if reality always catches up with people eventually, I know ulililia it did. Adulthood was worse than I imagined as I figured I'd only get major physical deterioration in my 40s and above rather than 20s...

It might happen in the afterlife. I'd think my sort of similar wish would come true like that.

I would rather be a cat and stay home all the time

>>25725
An example of that would be Intelligence. IQ has been falling in developed countries for a while, since the 70s even according to some research.

>>25725
A very large number of animal species are "conscious". What sets humans apart most is language and the intelligence to abstract things, not consciousness. Decline in the species is also arbitrary. Plus, humans have been around for such a short period, and our own perspective is so warped, that we don't see the big picture. Even if we were "declining", that may just be a short term trend followed by massive gains in whoever is left.

>>25726
That can largely be attributed to demographic changes.

Post edited on 6th Jul 2020, 7:59pm

>>25111
Working at a grocery store really opens your eyes to how retarded the general population is. They're like bugs, they have no self awareness and are absolutely ignorant.

>>25739
I think any job that has you working around lots of people will do that. Just hanging out somewhere long enough will show you how bad people can be.

>>25699
Forgive me for misspeaking here when I implied you said tc is perfect, which you didn't, so ignore that part. Sorry.

>>25699
>>25700
What part should I pay attention to then? TC is far from perfect and? If there's more to it, like something that's better, i'd like to know.

>>25694
Can you give a concrete example of the cynicism you're referring to? It doesn't seem to leak out of /so/ too much, and even within /so/ the jadedness is of a more "constructive" nature than places like wizchan, where discussions (excluding the increasingly large fraction of tourists) are both more fatalist and less interesting.

Consequently I'd tend to agree with >>25698 in that – as far as I've found – there isn't really a better place for discussion in the same niche of topics. Despite the notion of "outcasts" comprising a large part of this site's thematic core, even if you were to look beyond that and stick to e.g. /navi/ or /an/ there's unparalleled signal to noise ratio. As a whole it may not be perfect, but I'd be hard-pressed to think of an aspect that could be improved; I'd be interested to hear if you think otherwise.

>>25701
I don't really feel the need to talk to anyone on a public board, and barely do at the moment anyway. I'd just post nowhere is what I mean.

>>25156
>Or will your soul just vanished back to nothingness?
This one, except I don't believe in the soul. Your consciousness will stop existing though, yeah.

There's no "after" you die. Not for you anyways. So the nothing part, except it's not as nice as all that because "vanishing into nothing" sounds like you actually get to rest in death. Instead the only rest you'll ever get is whatever you can scrounge up while still alive. If your life is/was miserable that's all it will ever be, and death can't save you from anything. Hell, chances are even if "you" do manage to embrace death someone just like you will pop up again somewhere after some number of eternities, feeling as if no time has passed at all.

Only way out of this would be if somehow some godlike being or principle existed in the fabric or outside of this universe actively intending salvation of souls we don't even know we have. I desperately want to believe, but it doesn't seem likely.

I think you just shut off and that's it, nothing more nothing less.

>Do you believe you will be reunited with your waifu on blessed 2D realm?

i can only dream. there is a part of me that is truly hopeful that one day we will finally be able to be together, i just have to figure out how to get to her

After watching this lecture https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXiHStLfjP0 I've been reading The Master and His Emissary which is about the left and right brain hemisphere and how the left is taking over, and it's made me wonder about some things.

I've officially been diagnosed with schizotopy, although it might as well have been schizoid, and in the end I don't really feel it. I can relate to the things in the wiki article as well, but something seems to be off about it, as if it's really just one symptom listed as many. It could probably be described with "wanting to connect, but somehow being unable to". For some reason deep feelings like being hungry for love and having intense need of being involved with others are combined with being aloof and withdrawn which suggests the disconnect and also a wanting for it not to be so. It's like there's a war going on between the part that wants to connect and the part which wants to disconnect; it's like a war between the right and left hemisphere, in which the left hemisphere is winning.

I've been thinking lately how my surroundings coincide with my mental state. It's like my mind is closed, just as I've closed myself away from the world. Back when my parents got divorced, my dad kept a fairly large house and got a 3DPD soon after. I never ended up getting along with the 3DPD for different reasons, and most of the time I was secluding myself in my room on the upper floor with the 3DPD having the entire bottom floor, at least that's how I saw it. I never invited anyone over ever because I wasn't happy, but I didn't want to show it either. I couldn't talk to my parents either, and me and my sister was on bad terms as well. To sum it up I ended up secluded physically and emotionally, and I still am to this day. And while I call it seclusion, what it really is is a lack of connecting, a lack of seeing and being seen, hearing and being heard, feeling and being felt, a lack of physical, emotional and mental connection. I bottle things up, have a hard time voicing my thoughts, which in turn secludes me more.

If you live like someone who's mentally ill, you become mentally ill.

>>25606
>it's like a war between the right and left hemisphere

I think I always thought about the same you are talking but in completely different terms; more like the confrontation between expectations and reality. It's like the suicide dilemma, the suicide mostly loves life but because loves life that much he can't keep living in what it is a bad substitute of it or of the ideal he has of it.
For a more simple example, it's like having an exquisite palate and being given dry bread and nothing else. You will turn depressed and stop eating, then someone who can't catch the situation will say "this guy hates food".

>>25605
Question is then, why it did meet those parameters before? They just changed the parameters? I don't know but I can't help but feel it had nothing to do with a serious analysis or scientific methodology but because society just changed their views and they adapted to it.

>>25608
>They just changed the parameters?
The revisions to the DSM is a reflection of how plastic pychopathology as a whole is. For example paraphilias like sadomasochism used to be broadly represented but today a distinction is made between atypical sexual interest and a disorder. Earlier revisions routinely receive criticism for arbitrary definitions of normality, and the field as a whole was very also slow to adapt to new research on homosexuality.


It's a bit like how left-handedness used to be taught out of schoolchildren through the 1970's.

>>25370
You Aren't thinking of the one that turns g0d into Haruhi are you?

damn it. i thought it was the other way around

i am not smart

>>25367
>I tried editing the post, seems to be a word filter for the herb
First filter I like.
By the way, I get what you're saying, those dreams I mentioned before have those same qualities as well, and I have also came up with similar explanations for the phenomena.

My brain does not run out of steam, I never feel tired. Sometimes my brain switches from philosophizing to thinking in images, that's the point when I am able to dream for a few hours. Some kind of perfect idea, which I still have to comprehend yet, doesn't let me rest.