NEET is not a label, it's a way of life!
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19645 No. 19645 [Edit]
Why are you unhappy, /tc/?
Expand all images
>> No. 19646 [Edit]
Because I have no money.
>> No. 19647 [Edit]
There's more to it than that, like my parents being too stupid and irresponsible to raise children.
But come to think of it, if there was enough money to deal with the problems that came from that it wouldn't even be that much of an issue to me. I mean obviously there's a huge social stigma from coming from nowhere or to bad people, so that sucks too.
I shouldn't have even been born, but what's worse is that I had to do it being dirt poor.

All struggle is class struggle.
>> No. 19648 [Edit]
I have issues with confidence and motivation.
>> No. 19649 [Edit]
It feels as if I've lost the ability to feel love or joy, life feels like a play to me now, having to act out being happy just so I don't trouble those who care about me. It's kind of annoying, actually. I just wish I could feel like I used to. For years it's felt like my emotions have been dying off and now it's just finally snapped. I'm really hoping it's a phase, but I'm getting the sinking feeling that it's not. It's not bothering me now, but it'll get really irritating if it keeps up.
>> No. 19650 [Edit]
In essence this. As mere mortals we're forced to work or die. I got over solitude and that stuff long time ago, but having to work and study like a slave is something I cannot tolerate to the point I might commit suicide over this.
>> No. 19651 [Edit]
My whole self esteem is based on career success. I haven't found out what I want to do yet, no career paths interest me resulting in poor motivation and poor outcomes.
>> No. 19652 [Edit]
I don't have the discipline or motivation to live up to my ambitions.
>> No. 19653 [Edit]
You're just lazy. If we didn't have society you'd just replace work with hunting/foraging/farming and a lot less security against other people who might want your area's resources. Just find a job you can tolerate and generates enough income to sustain yourself and your interests.
>> No. 19654 [Edit]
I think most NEETs have to admit this to themselves sooner or later, unless they can get on disability or are very rich. Even Satou and the other hikki at the end of welcome to the nhk basically gave up on the lifestyle and had to work.
>> No. 19656 [Edit]
I have something I love. Something I would gladly die working away on for the rest of my life. I wish I could just live off of doing it. You know, be left alone to just work by myself all day, everyday for the rest of my life without having to worry about impending homelessness and other bullshit. So far, I'm too shitty to make it happen. Being a shut-in is the only reason I have time to drown myself in it. Every other option regarding life makes me unhappy. Everything else feels like a bloody waste of time to me. So I guess I'll be unhappy until I somehow make the thing I love, work.

Typical dilemma, I guess. Wanting to make hobbies your life and all that.
>> No. 19657 [Edit]
>Even Satou and the other hikki at the end of welcome to the nhk basically gave up on the lifestyle and had to work.
Because the welfare system in Japan is dysfunctional at best. If it were set in a socially progressive country the ending might have been more positive.
>> No. 19658 [Edit]
Once again I'm drinking more and more often just to momentarily get rid of my stress. Last week I drank four days in a row, this night is "only" the second one this week. I'm feeling shit but at least not nervous.
>> No. 19659 [Edit]
There is no way I could be unhappy.
>> No. 19660 [Edit]
I don't think it gets better. I feel the same way. When I look in the mirror, I feel no connection to myself or my life. It's strange to think I actually exist in the first place. Time can't heal this.
>> No. 19661 [Edit]
No motivation, no enjoyment, no money, no friends.
>> No. 19663 [Edit]
Horrible memories about school, and there's not really anything interesting to do, and I spend most of my time wondering why I haven't killed myself yet

Also, I don't have any income
>> No. 19665 [Edit]
I just want somebody to love me. I never had that.
>> No. 19669 [Edit]
Bad memories, drug cravings, inability to compete for jobs, and my mind seems to want to do it's own thing.
>> No. 19675 [Edit]
Low self-esteem, no friends and crappy job.

I had multiple chances to turn things around and make things better for myself but I just kept fucking up. Nowadays I pine over all the past mistakes I made and wonder if life is worth living at all.

Post edited on 21st Feb 2015, 11:51am
>> No. 19677 [Edit]
Nothing in real life comes remotely close to the 2D people and fantasies.

Right now even a gorillion dollars still can't buy you a pure loving waifu. Right now you can't join the starfleet, meet new life forms, and traverse other worlds even if highly educated and fit. Right now all religions are shit and the so-called gods never appear and intervene as some genki or cute thing. So on and so on.
>> No. 19678 [Edit]
The wonderful thing about 2D is it isn't real. You have to understand nobody likes anyone, nobody is perfect and that makes absolutely everyone disappointed. People love one another because they have idealizations and expectations of them. Then they fight with each other when the other breaks those idealizations. People are not who we think they are, they are idealizations, generalizations, and the more we get to know them the more those fantasies fall apart until we're left with someone utterly undesirable, tainted by their own bad behavior, but really they were always like that and we just didn't see it. 2D doesn't do that, it can't, they're purely idealizations, there's no reality there to break those wonderful idealizations down. You're so focused on bringing 2D to this world when this world is not a safe place, you don't want to bring 2D here, you want to go to 2D. Let go of this world, it's not salvageable, that's why humanity tries so hard to escape from it. Indulge in 2D, forget the 3D world, it doesn't want you, and you shouldn't want it.
>> No. 19679 [Edit]
This so very fucking much! You've said what I've said in a less retarded way, thank you!

Fuck this world and all of the living shit on it, it's all trash. 2D is the best and I love it so very much. It's the best thing EVER.

I know that it's a meme to repeat " _ is love, _ is life", but I have to say that it without a doubt fits the situation and is what I believe to be one of the truths in this world: 2D is love, 2D is life.
>> No. 19680 [Edit]
not for me. i haven't been able to get off to 2d since i was maybe 21. just does zero for me. i'm too bound to 3d to escape now. perhaps i'm just growing up, can no longer escape into fantasy. then again there's less need as the real world doesn't affect me as strongly these days.
>> No. 19681 [Edit]
Having a quirk does not mean you can't achieve acceptance and peace. Getting off to 3D is fine, you can idealize 3D as much as you can 2D. Just as long as you understand that 3D is just as unachivable as 2D, only thing is 3D can tempt you by actually existing. Don't fall for that illusion, and you'll be fine. A lot of people believe 2D is pure because it's 2D, 2D is pure because it's an untaintable concept, a concept that cannot display undesirable behavior, a concept that cannot disappoint or harm you. But something doesn't have to be 2D to be that, as long as you carefully hold the object of desire out of the wretched claws of reality, it will always remain pure to you.
I only get off to 2D, as a lot of us here do. But I understand your situation. Humans find something more desirable the more realistic it is, and for some people's unconscious minds, that means it has to be 3D. It's perfectly acceptable to me.
>> No. 19682 [Edit]
Because I'm an utterly worthless lazy despicable waste of air who's incapable of doing anything right. I just feel like lying down and letting myself die, but sadly a few people are still delusional enough to care about me even though I do nothing but disappoint and hurt them.
>> No. 19687 [Edit]
Relationships between people are not perfect but they still have value and it is worth existing in the real world. Have you not seen Evangelion?
>> No. 19690 [Edit]
Not that poster, but for all my love of Evangelion, I was able to recognize the endings for the platitudinous bullshit that they were.

The 3D world wasn't meant for us, some for the longest time, even since birth. We're seen as abominations in one way or another and just don't fit, so expecting to find anything even worth the investment in the real world is complete bullocks.

It's a harsh reality for any one individual to face, but assuming that everything's going to be daijobu or that things are even worth trying when you possess more than enough evidence for the contrary is the mantra of a child that which isn't aware of the cold bleak reality that lies ahead.

Some kids die even before realizing that their world was any different.

I'm all for trying to convey deeper meanings across mediums, but at times you have to be a conscientious consumer and realize what's being sold to you is little more than the prattling of one man's vision that which happens to be complete bullshit as evidenced by the souls here in stasis, perhaps forever.

I really wish it were different, but for most, it's readily apparent that there are very few things left in this world to even fight for, let alone try for. It's endemic, no doubt, but as much as it's a product of our time, it isn't anything exactly new per se.

Don't let yourself be lied to anon. It will onnly lead to dissappointment.
>> No. 19720 [Edit]
I am not happy because no one I know wants to live the way I want to live, or if they do they are not in a situation to do so or just won't because they think no one else wants to. Everyone gets so roped into work, marriage, children, house, car, watch hours of TV mindset. I wish my family valued the things I do more. And I wish my relationship with my family was better, I don't feel like I can share anything with them, I am always guarded. I feel like they rely on me (even if I am useless), and I don't want to abandon them, but there is nothing for me here, I don't want what they want me to want.

foraging is pretty nice though, and fishing is easy. I would have no problem doing that if it was legal. Can't really do it legally without owning land and paying taxes, or fishing license.

Part of the problem is you can't get a well paying job that doesn't require you to work 40 hours a week. Working 10 hours should be enough, we could totally structure our society around the 10 hour work week and not much would need to change, maybe you don't get to go on tropical vacations or something.
>> No. 19721 [Edit]
My father was a drug dealer and apparently I was born simply because the condom didn't do its job.
I'm not really sure why my mother told me these things.
>> No. 19724 [Edit]
Ha, 40 hours. I know how it works, you agree to 40 hours then you're "asked" to work 60 hours and maybe weekends too, if you don't like it- get the fuck out, this world has more than enough people and no one needs you.
>> No. 19736 [Edit]
Despite generally having developed an aversion to politically related subjects, i watched Lives of the Super Rich by BBC today and it got me thinking about stuffs. I'm not really in the mood to type out a huge post about it right now but i thought that it might be of interest to other NEETs on here.
>> No. 19738 [Edit]
Hey fellow Hikki.
I just finished watching it too.
A pretty good burn of 2 hours.
It's really shocking to see how deeply fucked it is over there.
>> No. 19773 [Edit]
I'm too tired, physically and mentally.
I'm so sick of everything, even of you.
>> No. 19790 [Edit]
I think it's because my father expects too much from me. Whenever I fail I always feel like shit and I'm never motivated to do well because he says I could have done better. I need to be economically independent so I can live my own life without depending on him but that's at least a couple of years from now.
>> No. 19791 [Edit]
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I just told him I failed my exam and he said just ok, I could feel his sadness though the phone. I can't even hate him because he does nothing bad, he always supported me.

Post edited on 9th Mar 2015, 5:52am
>> No. 19883 [Edit]
No reason to be happy. There are problems to fix.
>> No. 19890 [Edit]
Because I was born.
>> No. 19891 [Edit]
I know that feeling. I hate Life (but I'm a coward so I am unable to kill myself...) but if I showed my true colours to my surroundings it would cause me a Lot of unwanted trouble, which would only make everything worse. And so I act like I care for my Life or all the other shit everyone seems to care about.
Man I wish I could end it all, but even more I wish to never been born at all.
>> No. 19892 [Edit]
If he was german, the whole thing about him starving because he got no money, would not have happend.
>> No. 19894 [Edit]
Exactly. The lack of proper welfare in Japan and some other first world countries undermines the value of human life, I think. The question is this: if someone simply does nothing how far should he be allowed to fall? Some governments think he should starve. Good ones think that people should have food and shelter no matter what. We're no better than animals if we can starve due to circumstance.
>> No. 19937 [Edit]
Because I deluded myself for a decade that I was enjoying being alone 24/7, having no money, friends or anyone outside my family that gives a shit about me. It all came crashing down recently in a sudden moment of clarity: I really don't want to die alone.

Now I'm depressed as fuck because I threw a decade of my life away and don't know how to get better.
>> No. 19938 [Edit]
First you have to block out the thoughts that you hate yourself and others will make fun of you. This is the first step. It's incredibly hard and will probably take over a year to do.

I have passed this incredibly hard first step and just waiting for a moment to present itself.

You could try applying to a community collage or collage in your area. I've applied to both. In my town for community collage and 300km away for collage. I dropped out of both. But it might help you. You could find friends, lovers, or something you are really interested in. You just have to try.
>> No. 19940 [Edit]
What if people are actually openly making fun of him?
>> No. 19941 [Edit]
Then you either stop seeing them if possible or make them stop somehow.
>> No. 19994 [Edit]
What if said people are his family which he cant leave because nojob and his classmates/coworkers that he cant beat because theyre physically superior?
>> No. 20003 [Edit]
YOU MAKE THEM STOP SOMEHOW if you catch my drift.

Nah seriously you aren't forced to be tied down by people that treat you bad, unless you live in a non-democratic country. Leaving your family in that situation might make your life miserable for a while but doing nothing will make you miserable forever. When it comes to school/work you can just learn to ignore it unless they get physical because words are just words seriously, or report them for harassment/bullying (might not work as well in school, but school ends thankfully). There are always ways to solve most problems but the solutions might not be very comfortable, it's up to you to decide how to deal with them or just keep it as it is.
>> No. 20049 [Edit]
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>not happy
>not unhappy
>just apathetic
>> No. 20069 [Edit]
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It is funny. I am no longer angry, just sad.

My body is acting up due to both stress and allergies. I feel like I can barely breathe sometimes. I'm not even drinking that much most of the time; I just feel like I'm on a weak, negative drug trip.

I have no energy. I am still interested in some things, and I still like being alive, but there just isn't much I can do right now. I'm able enough to get out of bed and take care of things, but not enough to seriously get things done.

It has been three years since my mother entered hospice and then died. You'd think that it would be easy now, but it isn't. I brought up to my father that it was that time of the year again, and he just thought that I was talking about the seasons. Just...Jesus. He forgot about my mother. I can't stand that he pretends that everything is fine, and is happy as a clam with another woman, sincerely forgetting about my mother. It is one thing to move on, but another thing to forget. I don't think that I can be a part of his life anymore; I'm seriously considering it.

I want things to be better. I really do. But how? It could be worse, but I am going through a lot right now. At least my life isn't quite boring.
>> No. 21943 [Edit]
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Because this world is a crazy messed up place and I used to think there was something good about it. Because I have no redeemable character traits or any sort of useful abilities. I'm everything bad in a person and I should just die. Every time I see my parents they tell me I'm not useless or something like that but I feel like they are lying or they truly believe this, they are starting to see just how I'm a royal waste though. I've never been in a relationship, it's been years since I've had friends in real life, socializing with people is hard for even when I went to an anime club, I have little to no motivation, the number of hobbies I have could be counted on one hand, I'm ugly, I'm just useless. Even if I ended up being in some relationship I would probably get cheated on since I have nothing to offer. The only good thing about me is that I'm kind of "nice" but that is a product of my weakness and what comes from my "kindness" is that I'm gullible.

My parents would sometimes say that I might have depression and they say I exhibit those symptoms, they still say that sometimes. I don't know if I do but sometimes I think I'm just disillusioned with the world, only the strong, smart, or beautiful survive and I'm none of those things.

I can't even kill myself because I'm too scared of the possibility of an afterlife, reality is horrible but I don't think this is the worst of it. I'm too cynical to believe there is a heaven or something like that, even if there was I wouldn't get in. I hate this and myself so much.

There probably isn't even a point to making this post, chances are people are reading this and laughing at how pathetic I am or ignoring it entirely.
>> No. 21948 [Edit]
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You know what? I think im not even sad. Just very very very, veryveryvery tired both mentally and physically to the point I don't want anything. Im tired and sick of everything, but not really sad. I don't want company, I don't want money, I just want to sleep forever. Why? Cause I tried, failed and accepted defeat, I have no business breathing and waking up every morning.
>> No. 21970 [Edit]
My reasons for not being happy?

With how much self-loathing I do, you'd think I commited a serious crime or did something I regret. However, I'm not satisfied with anything. I have no dreams, no ambition, no goals, nothing worth living for. 8 years ago, I would've said something about love, but that just doesn't work for me at all. I'm too abnormal.

Aside from the Life-not-being-an-anime thing that someone already stated, life doesn't have much worth living for. I don't want to work to live. I don't want to live life like normal people do. I want to explore, fight, see interesting things, learn a ton of languages, eat a bunch of different food, become really strong, and live life as I please with no one to hold me back. I want to be the shonen protagonist so goddamn much!

They live the life I want!
>> No. 21981 [Edit]
I want to die. I want to kill myself.
>> No. 21984 [Edit]
Let's do it.
>> No. 22256 [Edit]
Even though I am often told I am loved and cared for, I feel like everyone hates me. I feel that I can't do anything right, because I often make mistakes and get mixed up an confused often.
>> No. 22257 [Edit]
You should read this. Everyone on tohno-chan should read this.
>> No. 22258 [Edit]
Literally TL;DR, sum it up please.
>> No. 22264 [Edit]
File 147637712526.png - (761.95KB , 1440x900 , goodbye future.png )
Because it's a shame things have to be this way. You're stuck with it and you have to live with it.
>> No. 22265 [Edit]
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>> No. 22286 [Edit]
I'm unhappy because.... it's kinda hard to put into words. The people around me, it feels like they have a lot of faith in me, while at the same time they have none at all. I just constantly disappoint the people around me. It doesn't help that I don't have any faith in me either. I'm so aimless,and I hate myself for it. I wish expectations didn't exist.
>> No. 22292 [Edit]
I don't have money. It all comes down to the problem of not being rich.
>> No. 22293 [Edit]
I'm more angry than sad.
Every day I care less about being worthless, malicious, destructive and evil. So what? Long before I was actually bad it felt like the whole reality never wasted an opportunity to remind me how everything is my fault and responsibility. For a long time it succeeded, now I rarely give a shit. Hate normal people, hate happy people, hate all that zen gibberish about acceptance, harmony and enlightenment.
Fuck, I've been wronged so many times by people who consider themselves (and are considered by others) good and proper human beings but I'm the fucked up fiend who needs to get over everything, move on yadda yadda and and act like people didn't make me what I am now? No, fuck that, it makes me dangerously angry and I refuse any responsibility.
I even find it hard to talk to other losers now, most seems to be above me, sometimes in strange ways but still.
Wish I could take everything from everyone and watch the world wither, it doesn't deserve anything else. Shame I'm so powerless.
>> No. 22299 [Edit]
Because I still haven't found that youtube video with keine and mokou running on a treadmill again
>> No. 22762 [Edit]
>> No. 22781 [Edit]
i appreciate the thought but it was one where it was cute keine and mokou, but then they replaced the cute with two male cosplayers of keine and mokou
>> No. 22782 [Edit]
My existence is an anomaly, I am ill-fit for this world. It's like being a fish out of water.
>> No. 22784 [Edit]
i wish i had a friend to discuss waifuism with. i'm in an irc chat right now filled with "waifuists" but i dunno, they never want to talk about it and just talk about killing themselves. i think they fell out of love.

specifically i wish there was someone that loved the same character as me. i want to talk with someone about how great my waifu is. i could talk about her all day long. but literally no one cares about her but me.
it sucks. i wish i had a clone of myself to hang out with. my waifu isn't my only issue, i have nothing in common with anyone at all. i want to talk about hokuto no ken. but the only people who are familiar with it in 2017 are le jojo ora ora xd meme faggots who don't really appreciate it and just think of it as a meme anime almost as epic as jojo. hokuto no ken is not a fucking meme anime, it's beautiful.

i have only one friend in the whole world and he doesn't give a shit about me, he's too depressed. he just listens to me talk. at least i have that. but i don't want to just hear myself talk. i want to have someone to do stuff with.

you have to be a fad following retard to have something to talk with people about. i don't give a shit about any of the fad games. i don't give a shit about modern anime. i'm fucked.

why does no one love my waifu except me? she's the best.
i'm tired of blogging about myself. that's all i can do. have one-sided conversations. i am surrounded by human beings and all i can do is talk to myself while people pretend to care.
>> No. 22785 [Edit]
Maybe if you didn't come as unnecessarily spiteful, other would be more likely to engage in conversation with you? I don't know you at all, but the if I had to unfairly reduce your personality to one word based on your post, it would be "biased / prejudiced".

You thinking the only reason someone won't talk to you about waifuism is because "they fell out of love" is very self-absorbed.
>> No. 22802 [Edit]

I know what you mean.

But the anime adaptation of Hokuto no Ken is basically a meme. It's sort of poorly done, and dated, it has a bunch of weird faces and stuff. The weird cat noises Kenshiro makes seriously don't help it's case.

I absolutely love the manga though, the story is amazing, it's my second favorite manga after Devilman. I think it's pretty overlooked these days, especially in comparison to JJBA, which it influenced tremendously, to an extent where I can safely say that without Hokuto no Ken, JJBA wouldn't exist. On a separate note, it's really irritating to me how JJBA became a "meme show". I love JJBA, and have for a long-ass time. I obviously understand that there are comedy elements inherent to it, but teenagers on the internet kind of shit on that icon regularly, I feel. The anime adaptations are fun but they're not really that great.

But yeah I'm sorry you don't have anyone to talk to, that gets to be really rough after a while. You'll always have /tc/ and /so/ though.
>> No. 22804 [Edit]
Its so fucking sad. I want the old tc again from 2010. When it was active. When there were a bit too many namefags and people were complaining about it being too slow. I wonder what all those people who posted in the waifu thread are doing now. Did they all become normalfags and left?
>> No. 22807 [Edit]

I'm still here, I just mainly idle in the IRC room. It's funny you mention 2010 because that's around when I joined, maybe 2011 or so. It was right as I was finishing school and being completely unsure about if I would end up being a NEET after graduating or not. Was able to hold parttime jobs for most of it, and a brief 4 month period of unemployment.

Those were interesting days, weren't they?
>> No. 22810 [Edit]
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I don't know how to explain this. I love Japanese medias more than anything (anime manga VN LN art MMD etc) but the depression is too strong that I can't bring myself to consume them. I don't know how better to explain this. As a NEET living in his messy dirty room with piss and Dr Pepper bottles everywhere I have all the time in the world to consume such medias but I don't. Infact I avoid them. I tell myself "in this next life I will do this more than anybody else". It's weird. Idk. I don't know what's going on in my subconscious but I think might be postponing my own enjoyment because I feel like I am in turbulence right now. And I am saying I will do this in the next life because I am predicting my whole life will be this turbulence. I have read this is not something uncommon, children whose parents argue a lot tend to avoid the activities they enjoy because they want to save them for a better time. "It is difficult watching my favorite cartoons when my father is hitting my mother just the other side of the door, I avoid it". The human brain is so fucked up. I only have this life and as a NEET I could watch as many anime as time allowed it but I am avoiding it and even if I didn't it's so botjersome to put effort into anything that I would rather spend the rest of my life doing nothing but asking that I can enjoy things in this "second chance" life. On top of it all it sucks being a lunatic, delusional poorfag. I ask apologies to the world for witnessing me existing, I am an embarrassment, utterly stupid & pathetic.
>> No. 22812 [Edit]
I think quite a few of us put off watching anime 'for a better time'.
What I have learnt is you keep putting things off and then when you want to do them, you have a big pile of things to do and it overwhelms you thus causing you distress.
So the best thing to do is do them as soon as you want to, and not put it off.
>> No. 22813 [Edit]
I can feel you.
I don't even look at pictures of my waifu or listen to my favourite albums for more than half year now because i feel like i want to enjoy them when i will feel better.
It's been getting better lately but i still can't break up to do things i really like.
>> No. 22820 [Edit]
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I have a job, I'm climbing up in my career, I'm earning decently for where I live. But I do not feel fulfilled, I do not work on things I really care about. Whenever I have some free time, I waste it on something irrelevant, instead of motivating myself towards productive work.
I want to achieve a lot, yet I am afraid of failure, so I am lost in the lands of apathy and lack of initiative to take action.
Minor inconvenience is also the lonely feeling.
>> No. 22822 [Edit]

This same here anon.
>> No. 22838 [Edit]
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My family is degrading, both transitively and intransitively.
Every time I interact with them I feel dirtied, and can't feel clean again until I've showered, so I mostly go through the day feeling ritually impure unless I specifically avoid them. It's not just that there's no way to avoid getting into arguments except by avoiding them, but when I act agreeable to them, I still feel dirty, for acting like a normalfag.
And they're degrading as a unit. My mother has always lashed out at my father for every imperfection (often legitimate, more often just not being able to read her irrational woman's mind) and he's always been a tactless idiot, but they've gotten to the point where they can't pay the bills, so she's screaming at him thrice a day, offering no actual solution.
And she's not fucking willing to make any sacrifices or even basic austerity to fix it. And both her and my sister are obese.
But my fucking college (which I consider a bad idea but they're too hyped on classism and fantasy to question it) is being paid out of some otherwise inaccessible retirement fund, so I'm kind of detached from the causes and results of all this, but not from the ambient consequences.

And then, god, I can't understand why normalfags need "freedom" and their casual, undevoted "relationships" and thoughtless "friendships" and to "live their own life" and their fucking liquor and trash television and whore-films and sodomy and usury.
I wish socialism would come so I could just live in a barren one-room apartment and Society would just come and clearly order me to do what it wants from me and everyone would live silently and in peace, rather than this degenerate, immoral, directionless, womanish, chaos-worship capitalism.
And I know I just have to accept all this as (the semi-Spinozist) God's (viz. τοῦ Λόγου) delight and irrevocable will, as what -exists- but normalfags don't just demand that (indeed, they don't even understand what that means), but they expect me to lie and pretend to be just like them and I won't do that.

I can't even fantasize about being with a 2d girl because I do believe she would never want to hold me and be held by me, and I don't want to insult her image of her beautiful & pure soul, and since I don't believe it's plausible it's unsatisfying. And worse this just leads to rape pseudo-fantasies that I always regret but have become so habitual over the years that I can't react at with any real disgust any more.

This too, this so much.
>> No. 22839 [Edit]
File 150099050943.jpg - (216.32KB , 1280x738 , Kantai.jpg )
Is moving to a student dorm an option? You might end up with non-idiot roommates. The hell at home will just make you insane, sooner or later.
>> No. 22841 [Edit]
What this anon suggested is a good idea.
>And then, god, I can't understand why normalfags need "freedom"
Ironically, in this situation, "freedom" is the single, lone thing that can set you free and stop your misery. You have the freedom to get a job and start saving, the freedom to leave your parents behind to rot in their mental filth. You have the freedom to try becoming better and cleansing your life from your toxic surroundings. Freedom is the quintessential element of life, even if it's just an illusion. Never ever understimate "freedom", because if you ever truly reach rock bottom, that's the only thing that will help you.
>> No. 22843 [Edit]
I assume you mean a dorm that's open during the summer? Even if I could afford such a room, I think I'd rather die than do such a thing. Indeed, I made clear to them from the start that I'd only attend college if I were absolutely assured a single room which thus far I've been able to seize (on medical grounds). Regardless of their flaws, at least I know my family and their limits, and at least they leave me with privacy. The same can't be said of unfamiliar 3dpd with disgusting, reeking bodies I'm unaccustomed to whom I can have no privacy from and whom I'm forced to sleep with.

I think what I wrote about my family came across wrongly. It's all true, but I meant it as a lament rather than as a complaint. I'm far more sad for them and their fall than I am upset about my own condition.

>> No. 22844 [Edit]
I personally liked having roommates when I was 15-20. Now my sense of privacy has changed and that would be unacceptable.

>I think what I wrote about my family came across wrongly. It's all true, but I meant it as a lament rather than as a complaint. I'm far more sad for them and their fall than I am upset about my own condition.

I see.
>> No. 22851 [Edit]
File 150114759446.png - (275.03KB , 907x540 , I want off this rock.png )
I find humans disgusting.
>> No. 22872 [Edit]
i'm bored
>> No. 22924 [Edit]
File 15041898514.jpg - (470.16KB , 595x759 , illust_36017196_20170829_074044.jpg )
like, I can't even begin to care nor understand how the proles/coloreds/queers live since I don't even understand how my own alleged class lives or why or what
this is the extent of my alienation, I doubt I have any veracious image of society and everything I do see I wish would die
really, if immortality & purification of the spirit isn't in the cards I really can't see what good comes of the rotting heap of humanity being left to emptily reshit itself indefinitely as everyone else seems to want
(each to his own &c. and that's why there are no Manichees left &c.)
>> No. 22925 [Edit]
I haven't been on this site since 2014. I Have spent most of the last three days reading the archive (I'm about 3/4 of the way through it) and now I'm sad that most of the posters here seem to have moved on.
>> No. 22926 [Edit]
That's just how it is. It really can't be helped.
>> No. 22927 [Edit]
Is the irc active? I never got into the irc before.
I'm going to try make a couple of posts here a week again.
>> No. 22928 [Edit]
File 150420764727.png - (116.83KB , 600x459 , Emi & Rin.png )
It's not that active but people do talk sometimes.
I look forward to your weekly posts.
>> No. 22930 [Edit]
If I were you I'd consider myself one lucky bastard.
>> No. 22931 [Edit]
I think you feel that way because you're forced to want your current life by our society when it's not what you truly desire. Happiness comes from within, right?

It's a really dark, disgusting impulse in humans that force us to behave the way we do, and to mold others to behave in the way they do. Our society doesn't value life and freedom, it values death and slavery, we just enjoy playing with the illusion of the former. But deep down we all want the universe to be silent again because we can't stand the sound of others talking.

A difficult problem. You can't live the way you want to when you're constrained by the fetters of "value".
>> No. 22975 [Edit]
I am not, I am just sad all the time at what I have to go through to protect my peaceful time.
I had the resolve, but now i'm finally going to take that step and move away.
I have dealt with all kinds of abuse throught my life,but recently, my family tried to sell of my external hard drive, to get me rid of all my "weird" ways.I cannot put it in words how much that hurt me. My whole world is inside that little box.
I'm working extremely hard physical job, if only to keep my little world safe.
I am finally going to protect what is mine for good.
>> No. 22981 [Edit]
File 150659562354.png - (204.09KB , 955x686 , hikikomori.png )
Because i have been a hikikomori for 10 years and pretty much feel too far gone now and thus i feel like i just merely exist now.
>> No. 22982 [Edit]
Do you dislike being a hikikomori though? Or just dislike feeling chained by it?
>> No. 22985 [Edit]

I guess its more the feeling of being chained by it.
>> No. 22993 [Edit]
My family is fucked up; because of my childhood I am terrible with most social interactions, particularly 3dpds; I have no friends I can talk to about stuff; I have no motivation even to do things I like; I have no skills that will be practical to make me money so I know I'm going to end up in a shitty dead end job.
>> No. 23000 [Edit]
File 150748615946.png - (2.14MB , 2560x1440 , 1490389958680.png )
This anon is too pure for this world

Your post from start to end described my feelings too. I wrote a post to make you understand that there is at least one more person like you and to offer some advice, but I couldn't really express myself and get my point across.
I'm just going to say this.

Be courageous.
The rest will come on its own.
Remember, I'm cheering you on all the way from the bottom to the top!
>> No. 23006 [Edit]
You know what's worse than sadness?

Pure emptiness. Most people won't ever know that feeling. You need to digest the truth to feel that. Most people have the proper defense mechanisms to ignore that.
>> No. 23007 [Edit]
File 150802505562.jpg - (212.34KB , 1622x1080 , 1501079971787.jpg )
>Every time I interact with them I feel dirtied, and can't feel clean again until I've showered, so I mostly go through the day feeling ritually impure
I think I know just what you mean. I want to pull off my skin so hard every time I remind myself I am the spawn of my parents' work. My genetic code is indistinguishable from theirs and I feel like I'm no better than this local community. No better than this disgusting folk, than these streets full of trash, than this crime and barbarism. I am a part of it and have been a part of it since birth. I would like to tell myself that I am different from this repugnant whole, but the harsh truth is I'd be just another normalfag if not for autism. In a way, I'm actually much worse than these people and this place because I'm just another one of them but with a mental disease that makes me even more stupid, useless and inhumane than I would have normally been born as.
>> No. 23010 [Edit]
I really want to be family-focused but I can't help having the same thoughts.

Looking at my family history I can't help but feel cheated. A few generations ago we were so much better than this but now we're just rubbish.

I want to climb back up the ladder but I don't know if I can manage. Boomers got up there and pulled it up with them. And anyone seen constructing a ladder is regarded with scorn and distrust. Pieces of shit.
>> No. 23022 [Edit]
Normalfag is the most disgusting form of human, impossible to be worse than that.
>> No. 23050 [Edit]
is emptiness not pure sadness
>> No. 23057 [Edit]
Wouldn't emptiness include lack of feeling other than emptiness itself?
>> No. 23065 [Edit]
I'm half way to becoming a Ford driver. Jobs break a man.
>> No. 23066 [Edit]
I don't find becoming a Ford Driver is possible. I don't see normaldry as a thing that can be switched on and off. I only mention this because such notion makes me unhappy.
>> No. 23303 [Edit]
well, i'm also alone, unemployed, and poor.
>> No. 23304 [Edit]
You have access to the internet. A vast endless sea of knowledge. You can see every film or animation ever made, listen to millions of songs, read from libraries worth of bookes, play more games than anyone has time for. You can learn a language, find a new hobby, study new skills and more. Of course there's also more porn than a person could hope to imagine. Yet, there you are, being bored.
>> No. 23307 [Edit]
yeah it sucks
>> No. 23325 [Edit]
The gap between having a job and being a hikikomori is too big. I want to get a job but I'm scared shitless I'll sign myself up for something not just hard but impossible and waste everybodys time by applying.
School has poisoned me. Everytime you do something right and get comfortable with a task they turn it up on you creating a constant rate of high anxiety and failure.
Dropping out of college I have this mindset that any kind of job will be too big for me. When I look at people bagging groceries and imagine myself I get stressed out wondering which things go in the same bag or something, if you need to be good at math to figure out a cash register, all sorts of things even though I always see potatoes doing it like they were born in the produce section.
Like, I don't think I'm terribley incompetent. When I get comfortable I think I'm actually pretty sharp. The problem is I'm a self taught book studying kind of student. When people try to teach me directly I get so focused on being polite and looking attentive I can't think straight. Then when I get confronted about messing I get so scared I mentally shut down. Worse case scenario they read my frozen up anxiety attack as spacy laziness and start coming down on me until I start crying and feel too embaressed to return.
I think if I can just get some time to learn some simple job until it's first nature, memorize the typical interactions I'm going to have to form a loose script I can wing everything else.
Some of you guys have probably had trouble getting a job because of anxiety. Are there any resources for job training? Books? Guides? Online classes? I want so badly to just see the perspective of a simple worker for a few days to pick up the habits and see what's right for me.
>> No. 23326 [Edit]
Sound just like me.
No experience fixing it but from my observations on normies, they don't think about failure. We think about the trouble we might cause or how it might all be a waste of time, they don't.

So it would seem to be more a personality thing than a knowledge thing. Surely, we don't lack the knowledge to work as a cashier but we might lack the personality.
>> No. 23329 [Edit]
>I think if I can just get some time to learn some simple job
Can't you get like an internship in most places? You ask the person in charge to let you work free of charge for a few weeks so you can learn the job. Regardless, I'd avoid any job with interactions / customer service, specially if you enjoyed being a hiki.
>> No. 23358 [Edit]
Consider doing it under the assumption you will fail for one weekend and quit. I did that and it was a good learning experience. One of the customers in the bar I was working in asked me "is it true you have assburgers" on the last day. I was lucky to be able get a job in a bar on a remote island only accessible by boat for one weekend and knew I would never see any of them again which made it easier not to care.
>> No. 23442 [Edit]
Work sucks and it's not getting better. Everyone else knows it sucks and just conforms to the system. Miss the old days, wish it was easier as an adult to make friends....
>> No. 23443 [Edit]
Why don't you stop working and find other means to make money?
>> No. 23444 [Edit]
I'm only seeing this now, but thank you a lot, Anon-kun.
>> No. 23445 [Edit]
Because i don't have friends, 3DPD, education and money, also i living in poor country. Have no future.
>> No. 23446 [Edit]
It seems like I'm going to have to get yet another job in addition to my current job, in addition to being a full-time college student who is studying a difficult major with a lot of homework, while also dealing with serious health problems. I can barely make ends meet and I am about to collapse under all this stress.

My family tells people that I'm lazy, almost implying that I'm a NEET or something. They don't understand anything about technology so they think my job and major are worthless (I'm in tech). Seriously, you will never meet a more tech-illiterate group of people than my family. It's really weird that people in this day and age can be so willfully ignorant of technology.

And my coworkers and peers in my classes almost seem to brag about how overworked/tired/busy they are, as if it's a contest to see whose life is the most difficult.

I don't get it. I am perpetually tired. I'm poor. I'm always stressed out. I have no social life. I don't enjoy anything. I can't afford the medical procedures I need. The obstacles I'm facing seem insurmountable.

Is it going to be like this forever? I don't know how much more of this I can endure.
>> No. 23449 [Edit]
File 152320104081.png - (149.61KB , 709x1001 , __ooyodo_kantai_collection_drawn_by_ojipon__08522a.png )
Sorry to hear that anonymous. I'm in a similar situation. After scheduling time for uni courses, study, work, and sleep, I've got about 1 hour left per day to travel between home, work, and school, and eat, shower, etc. Yet my family still makes fun of me for not working hard enough, it's like they want to see me break down and fail miserably.

Post edited on 8th Apr 2018, 12:59pm
>> No. 23450 [Edit]
I am unhappy because I am too smart and mature to block out the sensations of my own mortality and the futility of my existence, but I am also too dumb and immature to get my life straight and find a purpose for it.
>> No. 23453 [Edit]
I tried being happy. I finally went to Japan after many years of wanting to go, had the best time of my life, and when I come back, everything fell apart. Now I'm barely hanging on and suicide really feels like the only option I have. Why did I try to be happy?
>> No. 23497 [Edit]
The few things I love always get taken away from me.
>> No. 26755 [Edit]
File 163244230437.jpg - (1.27MB , 1280x1744 , 36a54c0689b770786398daaaaf25a7fa.jpg )
I feel like there's two contradictory desires pulling at my insides. On one hand, I hate people, on the other, I'm lonely. It's hard to explain it in more detail.

The majority of people, the way they act, talk and think, annoys me. I don't like it. I don't like people who are different from me. Besides that, I hate how other people are self-serving. I'm self-serving myself, but I hate it in others. I don't want to serve another person emotionally. I don't want to feed their ego or hunger for attention.

At the same time, I crave some of kind of social interaction, and I feel a deep dissatisfaction because of my lack of interpersonal relationships. I'm frustrated by my inability to connect with others past a superficial level.

When people are around I'm annoyed. When people aren't around, I feel longing. What the hell am I supposed to do?
>> No. 26757 [Edit]
This perfectly encapsulates my situation, it's been so long I can't be sure if it was actually a post I made.

>The majority of people, the way they act, talk and think, annoys me. I don't like it. I don't like people who are different from me.
I feel the same way.
>> No. 26812 [Edit]
Because working to try to survive and fix some of my problems is very stressful and tiring, and I don't seem to enjoy anything enough to devote my free time to it, except Her.
>> No. 26839 [Edit]
File 16358276133.jpg - (122.33KB , 455x600 , Lenin_poster_1963.jpg )
I think, for now, I have managed to ignore and put aside everything. I've failed school many times now and work was always too much for me, so I gave that up too a long time ago.
I hate being seen as a useless bother that needs to be maintained by other people just because I can't produce money for some faceless capitalists.
I hate that I'm only valued for the value I can create for others. Even among NEETs communism as an idea is shunned and I'm considered foreign to the culture and pushed away. I don't want to be a fatalist that asks for everything and does nothing for oneself... I want to change society so no one has to go through this again.
>> No. 26840 [Edit]
File 163583308318.jpg - (273.58KB , 990x1400 , 6d095debf56d03474c4a5003be1e5ce2.jpg )
>Even among NEETs communism as an idea is shunned and I'm considered foreign to the culture and pushed away
It's almost like NEETs enjoy commercial products and pornography or something...
>> No. 26841 [Edit]
Not that I'm a fan of the status quo, but I prefer not to starve to death.
>> No. 26842 [Edit]
>I hate being seen as a useless bother that needs to be maintained by other people just because I can't produce money for some faceless capitalists.
>I hate that I'm only valued for the value I can create for others.
That's a feature of Communism too, only your labour is for the community/Government not business and you don't get a say in what your labour is actually worth, From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs. And remember comrade, there is no unemployment in the Soviet Union.

>Even among NEETs communism as an idea is shunned and I'm considered foreign to the culture and pushed away.
Well yes, NEETs cannot exist in a communist society. Sure capitalism has flaws but it does not actually care if you have a job or not, if you can live without one weather that be through inheritance or family then it will leave you alone. Communism will not and in many ways was a reaction to that kind of thing in the first place.
>> No. 26844 [Edit]
So do I, hence, you know.
>From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs
The Soviet Union didn't operate according to this, by their own admission; this phrase shows, if anything, a rejection of wage labour/wageslavery. To Stalin, the present (at the time) mode of production operated as "From each according to his ability, to each according to his labour", as the USSR was not advanced enough and had to compete with the industrialised West, so they could not operate on the former. A revolution in the imperial core would look nothing like the Soviet experience.
It is clear to me you have not studied the topic more than skin-deep.
>> No. 26845 [Edit]
File 163589186162.jpg - (103.34KB , 792x567 , a187bf4cca4b07a062d1d19e2d5e69d0.jpg )
>The Soviet Union didn't operate according to this
Because they weren't communist YET. They were "advanced socialists". The end goal was supposedly communism, but before that they needed everyone to become "responsible enough". You allude to this here
>the USSR was not advanced enough

How do you make people more responsible? Advanced socialism and "proper education". In practice, it was total bullshit. People became less responsible. Almost everybody was a thief, because nobody really owned anything, and that was the only way to get a lot of things. You either stole, or you were friends with someone who stole. The biggest thieves were the party members, who lived like aristocrats on everybody else's back and who's children got special treatment.

>had to compete with the industrialised West
Yeah yeah, that's how they justified blowing resources on massive amounts of foreign aid to increase their political power. And the military, and other means of showmanship. To show everybody how great Communism is.Instead of you know, actually providing for their own people. Things like plumbing in all the little villages. See where this got them.

Was a fucking moron who thought you could put crops as close together as possible and they would flourish because he liked the idea and some quack botanist, Trofim Lysenko, told him so. Hence why a country that used to make money exporting food, went into a horrible famine.

My parents are from that place. You'd have hard time finding people who hate communism more than they do. Communism, or "advanced socialism", whatever you want to call it, is a disease.

Post edited on 2nd Nov 2021, 3:32pm
>> No. 26846 [Edit]
You're missing the first part of the basis of communism and socialism, like many people:
>From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs
The difference is, it's simple to get neetbux/tismbux now. In a communist society, you'd just get assigned a spot on the assembly line and you had better show up.
The vital part is still the "from each according to his ability". It doesn't matter what you'll receive back in return, you're still going to have to work in a communist utopia. As in, have to.
If you want a more comfy society, look to feudalism. You'll never meet anybody you didn't grow up with, and you'll do the job your father did before you. Every day is the same as the last, forever. It'd be the most NEET like experience without actually being a NEET (and a society of NEETs just isn't sustainable).
>> No. 26848 [Edit]
You have no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care about your takes on past pseudo-socialism, frankly.
Because of your poor attitude and smug ignorance, I won't bother responding to you point by point; the next poster is a better use of my time.
>You're missing the first part of the basis of communism and socialism, like many people:
>>From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs
>The difference is, it's simple to get neetbux/tismbux now. In a communist society, you'd just get assigned a spot on the assembly line and you had better show up.
I can understand how this phrasing may trip someone up, but it's useless to separate this line from the next as they are inseparable. There is no coercion to labour in communism as there is no one to sell your labour to, no owner of capital to keep you on his leash. You are free to associate with any labour you are capable of doing for the satisfaction of doing it. How many NEETs don't try their hand at creating stuff not for profit but for self-improvement and spiritual growth? Labour is not the same as wageslavery, it can live on its own merit.
>In a higher phase of communist society, after the enslaving subordination of the individual to the division of labor, and therewith also the antithesis between mental and physical labor, has vanished; after labor has become not only a means of life but life's prime want; after the productive forces have also increased with the all-around development of the individual, and all the springs of co-operative wealth flow more abundantly – only then can the narrow horizon of bourgeois right be crossed in its entirety and society inscribe on its banners: From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs!
Critique of the Gotha Programme is a must-read for a better grasp of what communist hope to achieve and how.
>> No. 26849 [Edit]
>I don't care about your takes on past pseudo-socialism, frankly
They're not my takes. They're mostly my parents'. And they know a hell of a lot more about Communism than you.

This is why your kind is hated. You never deal in reality. You're a deluded, self-righteous, naive larper. I'm glad you feel ostracized.

I wrote more in the past explaining why fantasy anarchist Communism can never work for a reason Marxist literature never addresses, human nature. I wrote that while I was visiting Moldova, my parents' home country.

Post edited on 2nd Nov 2021, 5:39pm
>> No. 26851 [Edit]
Sorry if this hurts your feelings but your experience is completely worthless. It can't replace science. And if you think Marxist literature never addressed "human nature", you have not engaged with the science.
>> No. 26852 [Edit]
Have you considered becoming a Scientologist?

For the sane people here, communism has some of its roots in dialectics, and a strain of it called Hegelianism. Philosophical nonsense that gained popularity in the 20th century among Marxists. It's no more scientific than Scientology, but they like to think it gives them legitimacy.

Post edited on 2nd Nov 2021, 5:58pm
>> No. 26854 [Edit]
You're the communist here.
>> No. 26855 [Edit]
Did... did you just call dialectics dielectrics, and imply Marxists were Hegelian? You're dumber than I thought. And calling Hegel "philosophical nonsense" puts your anti-intellectual brainworms on full public display, ha.
>> No. 26856 [Edit]
Way to prove my point?
>> No. 26858 [Edit]
Kek, why are you editing your post to be less embarrassing after being called out? Too pussy?
>> No. 26859 [Edit]
You've deleted posts because you can't figure out the edit function.
>> No. 26860 [Edit]
It's because the small added text triggers my OCD.
>> No. 26861 [Edit]

>this phrase shows, if anything, a rejection of wage labour/wageslavery.
Yes, In Favour of literal slavery.

>To Stalin, the present (at the time) mode of production operated as "From each according to his ability, to each according to his labour", as the USSR was not advanced enough and had to compete with the industrialised West, so they could not operate on the former. A revolution in the imperial core would look nothing like the Soviet experience.
Yes because it was not actually a fully communist society, it was a socialist one that was trying to become communist.

>It is clear to me you have not studied the topic more than skin-deep.
It's clear to me that you just ignore anything you don't like.
>> No. 26862 [Edit]
I already said the USSR deteriorated due to its economic backwardness before the revolution, try again.
>> No. 26863 [Edit]
So? That's irrelevant, again you just ignore anything you do not like.

In a communist society, you are all slaves and there are no NEETs.
>> No. 26864 [Edit]
It isn't irrelevant in the slightest... the USSR was never communist and could not possibly be communist on its own, and that it "worked towards it" does not matter if it deteriorated to the point of capitalist restoration way before 1991.
>> No. 26865 [Edit]

As a very wise man has already said.

>Yes because it was not actually a fully communist society, it was a socialist one that was trying to become communist.

You keep ignoring things and then going on about things that are irrelevant. You were the one using the Soviet Union as an argument.

>The Soviet Union didn't operate according to this, by their own admission; this phrase shows, if anything, a rejection of wage labour/wageslavery. To Stalin, the present (at the time) mode of production operated as "From each according to his ability, to each according to his labour", as the USSR was not advanced enough and had to compete with the industrialised West, so they could not operate on the former. A revolution in the imperial core would look nothing like the Soviet experience.

The point that you keep glossing over is that again, in a communist society, you are all slaves and there are no NEETS, there is no getting around this and ignoring it will not help, deluding yourself like >>26848 will not help either, you don't need a degree in economics to see why that doesn't pass muster, just think about it for 10 seconds.
>> No. 26866 [Edit]
You are very dumb. Nice talking to you.

>> No. 26867 [Edit]
File 163590872286.jpg - (415.52KB , 1280x720 , [Asenshi] Little Witch Academia - 07 [CEE6E21B]_mk.jpg )
Well that is one way of admitting defeat I suppose.
>> No. 26868 [Edit]
No one wins internet arguments. People just argue until one gets tired and leaves.
>> No. 26869 [Edit]
True, I certainly can't see you winning any online arguments.
>> No. 26870 [Edit]
>My parents are from that place. You'd have hard time finding people who hate communism more than they do. Communism, or "advanced socialism", whatever you want to call it, is a disease.
The atrocities committed by the USSR in Russia and Eastern Europe are undertold; it's horrifying. I'm so happy to learn your parents were able to escape.
>> No. 26871 [Edit]
Please, keep this political shit in /tat/.
>> No. 26872 [Edit]
Not the anon you were fighting with. Just pointing out the obvious I guess.
>> No. 27020 [Edit]
File 164211094155.jpg - (40.79KB , 495x500 , b77ad17807f23108f5221bce075c26b1.jpg )
I want complete freedom. Including freedom from inconvenience.
>> No. 27021 [Edit]
I'm happy, I'm a physics post-doc at a small Irish University. Have enough money to fill my house with weeb stuff and get to research lasers.
>> No. 27026 [Edit]
File 164222632616.png - (43.82KB , 450x600 , 6f34310190a8172822e34d39ecfd6dae-imagepng.png )
I am nothing
>> No. 27027 [Edit]
Neat. Would be nice to have some more physics discussion in /navi/.
>> No. 27028 [Edit]
sometimes I hug myself because no one else will.
>> No. 27029 [Edit]
I do this too. I'll either hug a pillow and pretend it's a beloved character hugging me. I've also gotten to a point where I'll just imagine the hug as well.
>> No. 27030 [Edit]
I talk to myself because that's the only person who will listen.
>> No. 27033 [Edit]
Half the reason I post on textboards is that I know it will at least be read by someone. Of course I try to make the post worthwhile and substantive on its own, but the egalitarian nature of the forum adds extra appeal.
>> No. 27034 [Edit]
File 16424058756.png - (53.59KB , 620x1059 , 0c68b9f4e8f9f75e041969adefaa9818.png )
I've read your post, anon.
>> No. 27044 [Edit]
I'm 35, working a crappy job, I wasted my twenties as a hikkikomori, I can't seem to build a social life as an adult, the first woman I've liked in years is crazy as a shithouse rat, and I just generally feel like shit.
>> No. 27045 [Edit]
You mean a 3DPD? That's not okay. Nope.

Ignoring that, I'm 35 too, and I also feel like shit. But I don't care about not having a social life or stuff like that, I haven't cared in so many years. I don't know how awful I would feel if I had to care about that too, considering I'm already completely fucked up without even thinking about it. I don't know what to make of it, though. Maybe it makes you worry because you're actually succesful in other facets of life, I don't know.
>> No. 27046 [Edit]
>Maybe it makes you worry because you're actually succesful in other facets of life
When I was a hikki, I pretty much stopped hoping for anything better and I was okay with it. Then I got a job, and it wasn't as bad as I thought. I started to relearn some social skills and it seemed like I was making progress toward a Ford-driving life. But now I feel stalled. It's the hope that kills you.
>> No. 27047 [Edit]
Personally I'd rather die than live the ford-driving life, since the supposed blissfulness of ford-driving life is only made possible by their ignorance. (That said, I'd choose death over my current tragic state anyhow so that's not saying much).

And as a corollary I don't think it's really possible for someone who's spent enough time here to try to live the path of a ford-driver, for doing so would be like trying to pull the veil over your eyes when you've already seen the truth. Far better to instead spend that time striving to become a happy neet instead, but sadly that too is still an elusive goal for many here.
>> No. 27048 [Edit]
As someone in a similar spot who wasted most of my 20s as a hikki and is now in a fairly decent job, I still don't have really anything in terms of expectations for a social life

I mean I'm making money but I still find it incredibly hard to find common interests / points of discussion with people

My solace is basically just in feeling secure in the future financially and having enough money to travel whenever all the current bullshit blows over
>> No. 27049 [Edit]
File 164313468551.png - (1.16MB , 1240x1034 , yuukas.png )
>crazy as a shithouse rat
I don't know what you mean by this, but if you genuinely like her I don't see no problem.
For me it's the opposite. I don't care about social shit, and have ZERO interest in leaving the house, talking to women, friends, etc. The topic of conversation or personalities of the involved are irrelevant, I couldn't care less about talking to someone regardless of our tastes being similar or not, also I don't care about this tradwife shit that has infested imageboards. So in sense you could say I'm fine with being the friendless loser, however I am only fine with being a friendless jobless loser. If I were to be a friendless loser with an job I would be very pissed. I see no glory in being a working wizard. Right now I will have to go to a shit job that's absolutely unbearable, but this makes me go outside of the house. It's like normally I wouldn't trade the net for let's say going to the range, but since I can not be faithful to my home, I feel like going to the range and winding off a little. Think of this as the third law of newton, normally being all day on the pc is an absolute balance, but every negative interaction with the other world requires a positive interaction on my part to cancel the negative out.
>> No. 27050 [Edit]
I don't think I get your point, you mean having to work makes you want you live less like a hikki? For me work makes me not to want to live the house even more.
>> No. 27051 [Edit]
My point is that I like to be a shut-in, but if the circumstances prevent me from being a shut-in, I will do something else. Think of the anons who complain that they can't watch anime when they stopped being a hikki. It's this negative energy that you bring back home when you are forced to do a negative interaction with the outside world, so to neutralize this I feel like going out of my way to do a controlled interaction to neutralize the previous one and return at peace to my room.
>> No. 27052 [Edit]
File 16431730366.jpg - (289.59KB , 1920x1080 , [SubsPlease] Princess Connect! Re-Dive S2 - 03 (10.jpg )
Me liking loli and shota (although not exclusively) is causing me a fair amount of distress
>> No. 27053 [Edit]
How come? I'm in the same boat, but it doesn't bother me. Afraid others will find out? Get good at hiding it.

If it's guilt, jerk off a whole lot more and that feeling will fade away eventually.

Post edited on 26th Jan 2022, 8:00am
>> No. 27054 [Edit]
As long as you're not hurting anyone, I don't think you need to apologize for your fetishes. Let your freak flag fly. Or keep it to yourself if you care what others think.
>> No. 27055 [Edit]
It's 2D, who the hell cares
>> No. 27056 [Edit]
File 164320367812.jpg - (334.48KB , 1018x1280 , 46525682_p0.jpg )
I adore loli publicly and I lost a friend for it. We used to be good buds, but he got a Twitter account and everything changed.
The message here, I think, is keep loving loli and don't get a Twitter account.
>> No. 27057 [Edit]
Lolis before losers!
>> No. 27113 [Edit]
File 164482029610.jpg - (728.78KB , 2100x2865 , c24e6b7d1faa812f2188e7db03d7b5da.jpg )
I don't think I'll ever find a person who I truly like. It's because of my expectations, but people keep disappointing me. Doesn't matter if it's reasonable or not, I can't like a person unless they meet some requirements. Sometimes I think I may have found someone, but inevitably it comes, that crushing sense of disappointment and aloneness when I realize "no they aren't it".

I don't know what to do about it. People, I value them based only on what they give me or how similar they are to myself. I don't value people intrinsically. I have social cravings like anybody, but I don't really like anyone.
Part of me says I should give up and resign myself to a life of dissatisfaction. Maybe even isolate myself on the internet too, to spare myself the constant alienation.

I don't know if I could stand that kind of isolation though. I hate people. I resent them for being different from me, and I get some sadistic catharsis from their suffering. Even a person like me yearns for a connection, and that's where the suffering comes from.
>> No. 27116 [Edit]
well what kind of qualities do you like in a person? what requirements do they have to meet?
>> No. 27117 [Edit]
Similar interests(computers, abstract strategy games, the kind of anime I like, etc.). Similar fetishes and sexual tastes. Not having tastes or opinions I strongly dislike. Basically, someone who shares my appreciations and hates.

Similar temperament would be a plus too. Even better if they're the reliable, stoic type, which I admire.

Post edited on 14th Feb 2022, 12:25pm
>> No. 27118 [Edit]
That's asking quite a bit. I mean it's not wrong to want that, but as you get to know anyone in more detail you'll invariably find something that clashes. That's why I prefer anonymous textboards over chats anyhow, since you don't discover anything about their personality.
>> No. 27119 [Edit]
I fucking hate Valentine's Day. It just reminds me how happy other people are, and that I'll probably die alone.
>> No. 27120 [Edit]
Holidays are there for overemphasizing what's normal in culture and manufacturers selling more vain products. When a holiday is devoid of its practices, it merely represents how much time has passed since the last personal event.
>> No. 27121 [Edit]
The only reason I remember its existence is because some manga and anime will reference it. There's really nothing interesting about the day.
Though I'd kill for some homemade chocolate.
>> No. 27122 [Edit]
Anxiety, work stress, and sleep apnea. Work started to improve for about a week, but then a sudden email yesterday for my manager completely torpedoed my good feeling. David cracking the whip on us, and even though my performance is about 120%, they want everyone to be 124 or higher. Truthfully I don't think it's going to be that big of a deal but my anxiety tells me otherwise, and it's been making me miserable for months.

Chtist, was it really 6 years ago that I was a NEET for a while? Kinda wish I could go back, but the cost of goods has gone up so high.
>> No. 27123 [Edit]
Sometimes I really miss the freedom of NEET life. Work and people stress me out.
>> No. 27189 [Edit]
File 164748024532.png - (130.83KB , 264x379 , 1458671576305.png )
Failed artist is a simple version, but even if I did have the ability, I don't even want anything beyond being left alone and to create what I wish to create, but because I'm a failure I can't do that. I'm still creating, don't want to stop, but no matter how many projects I do I'll always just have more, and none of them will pay the bills because my projects I make for me and no one wants to commission me anyways.

I'm being pushed into teaching, I work in schools now but kids give you little respect and empty praises. It's rare I get an opportunity to teach what I care about and feel in my element. Not only that but I'm also a constant fuck-up. I've actually gotten fired from 3 schools, only one of which I did something that I'd say I deserved termination for. But even though no failure is the same, I always wonder how I'm gonna fuck up next.

Even if I got the life of dreams* (that can be achieved in this cursed 3D world anyways), I don't even know if I'd be happy. I'm lonely, but I don't want to be bothered with company. I want the perfect laifu with waifu but I know I'm not perfect for her no matter how much I love her.

So really because I don't know what I want, everything feels like I'm not in control of everything, and I wish I was just not a fuck-up.
>> No. 27190 [Edit]
>no one wants to commission me anyways
Show us your portfolio.
>> No. 27191 [Edit]
With all due respect, I'd rather remain anonymous.
>> No. 27192 [Edit]
With all due respect, I'd rather remain anonymous.
>> No. 27193 [Edit]
You don't have an artist pseudonym?
>> No. 27194 [Edit]
I do, but anonymous in the imageboard sense. I wouldn't post things like "This cursed 3D world" while having something that could be traced back to me, you know?

I appreciate the thought however.
>> No. 27195 [Edit]
You probably already know this, but I feel it needs to be said: You'd make a lot more money if you were more shameless. I solicited you to advertise yourself, and you didn't take the offer. Even if I didn't pay you, someone here might have. I know for a fact a few people here have paid for commissions.

It might come back to this
>I don't even want anything beyond being left alone and to create what I wish to create

A shameless person proactively advertises themself(let alone if they're asked to) and draws whatever they're paid to. Regardless of skill, if you are a better artist than those paying you, and you're willing to follow others' directions, you can make money.

Post edited on 18th Mar 2022, 12:31pm
>> No. 27198 [Edit]
This just isn't the thread for that, I didn't want to present myself here, I wanted to be vulnerable here. Sorry.

Any efforts at putting myself out there just feel futile, pissing in this ocean of piss we call an internet, so I'm just focusing on doing what I do and putting things out when they're done.
>> No. 27228 [Edit]
File 164831562514.jpg - (859.19KB , 850x1200 , c39e5682e3ccb7f30e05f7f47e6f6fdf.jpg )
I think every year, usually around the start of spring, sometimes fall, I have a "revelation", where I decide to commit to some life change.

For a few months, I'll stick with it, but sooner or later, I fall back into bad habits. Most of my life seems spent in an unproductive stupor.

How many "revelations" have I had up until now? Has any of it stuck? Have I progressed in any meaningful way? Why do I keep being dragged back into the same old shit?
>> No. 27229 [Edit]
What sort of life changes?
>> No. 27230 [Edit]
Going to bed at a normal hour everyday. Exercising. Studying hard. Stuff like that.
>> No. 27231 [Edit]
>Going to bed at a normal hour everyday. Exercising. Studying hard. Stuff like that.
I don't think those are very "bad" habits on the scale of bad habits, all things considered.

For the going to bed at normal hour, you probably already considered this but avoiding any bright or blue-ish light exposure 2 hours before you want to sleep (flux/nightshift-type stuff may not be sufficient, you may have to get a 1800k red-orange bulb and use that, spend the time reading or relaxing or something) can help. Also combine that with bright sun exposure right after you wake up to nudge the circadian rhythm back in the right direction.
>> No. 27251 [Edit]
File 164880923824.jpg - (306.15KB , 610x610 , 4134.jpg )
I hate being sick all the time. I'm always so tired, and have little energy. I've been making progress in my life by going back to uni and I received an academic award last semester. Is there a way to increase energy? I have problems staying up past 10 hours.
I thought self-improvement would help with the energy, but I'm afraid that with aging, I'll be worst off without intervention.
Even without energy, I will continue to write, draw, exercise, and improve my life even if I collapse again, it still makes me sad that I can't put more effort into my life.
>> No. 27269 [Edit]
My siblings were bequeathed above average intelligence while this one is consigned to reside on the left side of the bell curve. Envy and other nasty facets of man is the icing on the cake.
>> No. 27276 [Edit]
File 164992439786.png - (1.69MB , 1637x1157 , 1642262024723.png )
The normals are conspiring to prevent my awakening. Due to their insolent meddling my powers have been retarded. At this rate I am going to be forced to commit seppuku before my plan is complete.
>> No. 27322 [Edit]
I hate how much of a disappointment I am. I can't talk to my dad at all out of shame. The family members I live with probably look down on me. I can hardly go outside before midnight unless I really have to because it feels like everyone knows how much of a loser I am. I never wanted to admit it before, but it causes me to panic. Maybe it's not visible, but even crossing paths with someone I try to think of what I should do or say in the off chance they say something.
I used to make people proud and achieved pretty great things just a few years ago. I think that only makes things worse. Even recently, my dad would say something along the lines of "I'm proud of you, son." It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I'm just a damn failure right now. Save it for when I finally do something.
I also have a lot of regrets, especially with everything after finishing school. I don't regret being a NEET. I do regret constantly telling myself I'll do this and that for two years. If I was just honest with myself, that I wasn't going to get a job or go to school, I'd be further along.
It feels like I've developed more in the past couple months than I have in years before that.
>> No. 27323 [Edit]
File 165083349192.gif - (269.69KB , 120x128 , 1650113080940.gif )
I don't know how many times I've said this, but I have to say it again. I am an evil person. I don't care about others. I'd sacrifice them for personal gain without much hesitation. Also, I dislike those who are different from me. The more different, the more I dislike them.

At the same time, I have an uncontrollable urge to interact with others. I can't help myself. I can't feel content in total isolation. I feel helpless and alone and believe nothing can change that. There's no conclusion to this post. There's no answers out there.
>> No. 27324 [Edit]
Have you talked to a doctor about this? It sounds like you might have a sociopath mental disorder which they might be able to help treat.
>> No. 27325 [Edit]
No. I don't have access to such things.
>> No. 27326 [Edit]
You're normal, and most people only pretend to care about others ("virtue signaling" is what I guess it's called nowadays). We're tribal people, and people will not think twice about throwing someone outside their tribe under the bus.

It's just that people have different selectivities for what they consider to be their tribe. In your case it's highly specific, so you effectively end up being a lone tribe of n=1.
>> No. 27329 [Edit]
People in my life have constantly brought me down, mocked me, abused me. And now as an adult, they expect me to integrate with the same people that made my life hell.
"Why don't you talk to anyone? Don't you want friends?" As if they weren't the kind of person to reject me back then if I dared to open my mouth. What the fuck?
There's nothing wrong about not living by the standards imposed onto you by them. It just stresses me that they're constantly fucking at it, begging and pleading.
I think I'd be happier as a hermit, away from other judgmental people.
>> No. 27330 [Edit]
It's really fucking stupid, but I still sometimes drink myself to sleep thinking about how I wiped my old hard drive that had over a decade worth of my history on the internet saved on it. It's something that I can't go more than a couple days thinking about at least once and it sours the whole day.
>> No. 27331 [Edit]
What sort of history? Do you mean browser history, or saved files etc.?
>> No. 27332 [Edit]
Lot of media, mostly images, and a lot of random photoshops/websites/writing I'd made over the years since middle school when I first had good internet access. I've lived my whole life online so this harddrive was essentially a record of my life, though admittedly one that only I could understand. It had everything I'd saved/made from 2005 until 2018. Was a small archive of the old internet even without the sentimental value it had to me.
It feels stupid writing about it but it truly fucked me up losing that thing.
>> No. 27333 [Edit]
The writings and other personal things seem hard to replace, but surely a lot of the photos videos and so on you can track down again can't you? And if it means that much to you, have you looked into data recovery?
>> No. 27334 [Edit]
If you haven't used it since then, and you didn't explicitly zero out free space, there's a decent chance non-plaintext data (images, etc.) are still available. But I'll assume that you've tried recovery tools and they were fruitless...

Post edited on 27th Apr 2022, 8:44pm
>> No. 27335 [Edit]
I chose very thorough settings on the tool I was using unfortunately. I was supposed to target the very old and busted laptop ssd I was going to use as a temporary OS drive. Couldn't recover anything.
>surely a lot of the photos videos and so on you can track down again can't you?
Some stuff I did hunt down specifically, other things I've seen here and there and saved as I recognize them. Getting my hands on some of the more obscure shows/games I had was a bit tough but I did manage to find much of what I'd lost on that front. It's just not feasible to hunt down the images unfortunately, which are what I miss most. Too many hyper-specific things and just too much in general honestly. Well over 30k images were on that drive, there's no way it's all making it back even if I went on a best-stuff-only basis.
>> No. 27361 [Edit]
File 165171353291.jpg - (543.90KB , 2048x1942 , __flandre_scarlet_touhou_drawn_by_kiui_dagk8254__3.jpg )
My sister is pregnant again. Her and her boyfriend are unwilling to work, so my mom has to take care of them and their kid. If I say anything about it, whoever will say that I can't say anything because I'm a NEET and no different from them.
I say that's fucking bullshit. I don't leave messes for other people to clean up, I take care of my shit, I'm not going to have a bunch of children I can't support like some third-world nigger.
I'm worried I'll end up getting forced out of the house or something. There's not enough space even for the one kid they have now. If I get forced out, I'll have to move in with my dad and get a job... Even if I didn't, my dad's 3DPD has kids about my age and so I'd be on full display to strangers. What's the point of having a home if you have to deal with strangers constantly?
Goddamn it. Normalfags ruin everything. I just wanted to live a life of peace and seclusion, damn it. Fuck. I'm scared. I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to get fucked over like this. I'm finally feeling pretty good about life, and it's just going to get shattered.
>> No. 27362 [Edit]
>If I get forced out, I'll have to move in with my dad and get a job
That's sounds preferable to staying.
>> No. 27363 [Edit]
Honestly in that situation i'd probably rather just work, part time if you can get away with it
Having a couple with child hanging around your place constantly sounds awful. Women basically get a free pass if they have a kid to never have to worry about anything ever again but I'm surprised your mom tolerates her boyfriend doing nothing.
I say that as someone who was a NEET for over 5 years, idk,
Perhaps I'm blessed in that my family basically always left me alone when I needed it. These days I just work from home and don't deal with anyone so I suppose that's something you could try and aim toward if it's possible for you.
>> No. 27364 [Edit]
Yeah, and depending on where he lives, he might be able to rent a place, work for eight months, be a NEET for the next three or four, work again, be a NEET, and repeat. It's not ideal, but also not too bad.
>> No. 27365 [Edit]
File 165172928826.jpg - (55.28KB , 1280x720 , hika.jpg )
>Honestly in that situation i'd probably rather just work
Working just feels so pointless. I don't really have any wants, my basic needs are met as is. If I worked, I'd just spend it all on stupid stuff. It'd also require me to be around other people, and I'm just so tired of people. I'd rather be here where I can just keep to myself and do my own thing. No need to be polite and feign interest in other people and what they say.
I could go on and on about why I'm a NEET. Every reason's another shitty excuse.
>Having a couple with child hanging around your place constantly sounds awful.
You get used to it. The baby isn't that noisy. My sister and her boyfriend though? Another story.
>I'm surprised your mom tolerates her boyfriend doing nothing.
She constantly bitches about it. If she tells him to get a job or get the fuck out, he and my sister threaten to never let her see her granddaughter again. It's an obnoxious situation all around.
>Perhaps I'm blessed in that my family basically always left me alone when I needed it.
They generally ignore me unless they have something to bitch about. Everyone vents to me because I'm not an asshole. Sometimes my sister will accuse me of being a drug addict or something behind my back, but I haven't done anything like that since I was in school. No money for it anyway.

I could complain all night, but I'd rather not. I'll just consider my options going forward.
>> No. 27366 [Edit]
I think the main point is being able to live on your own the way you want and support yourself. Also, it's possible to get work at home jobs. They're a lot more common now thanks to covid.
>> No. 27367 [Edit]
>Working just feels so pointless. I don't really have any wants, my basic needs are met as is.
You captured this well. Basically the only reason I remain alive is that at the moment the effort required to do so being a neet is minimal enough. Putting in any amount of non-trivial effort, e.g. "rent a place, work for eight months" seems rather pointless unless you dedlude yourself into thinking you have some grand goal in life (which is what I assume 99% of normalfags end doing).
>> No. 27368 [Edit]
I have no skills and my only work experience is a couple months as a janitor. I really don't have much going for me.
In a case of life or death, I'd probably work. Wouldn't cry if I died though. I'm still young. I still have fun. This is a case of work or shit.
>> No. 27423 [Edit]
I hastily took responsibility for an imageboard earlier this year. It's not a big handful or anything but I kind of hate it. Moderating sucks. I wake up every few hours to make sure there isn't child porn or something. It takes the fun out of posting as well, not that I wasn't ready to move on from the board in the first place. I just didn't want to see it die the way it seemed it would.
I've relaxed a bit in the past months. I don't care to expand or anything. I guess I'm just hoping it'll die on it's own. No guilt for taking it away from the couple of regulars that have been around for probably longer than I have...
I'll see if I can pass off my ownership to someone. It's not like I'm doing anything with it.
>> No. 27424 [Edit]
Welcome to my world buddy!
>> No. 27425 [Edit]
Do you ever regret it Tohno?

Post edited on 19th May 2022, 8:12pm
>> No. 27426 [Edit]
From what I've gathered, tc is one of the few positive things in Tohno's life.
>> No. 27427 [Edit]
I'd be lying if I said there haven't been times. It's been stressful at times, got banned from paypal because of TC, lost some friends because of it, made some others because of it. Probably missed out on a few opportunities because of it too. Keeping the peace has been hard, that's for sure. In the past people would keep pushing issues that would divide the user base and expect me to pick sides, I'd try to avoid that most of the time but either way it'd hurt the community all the same.
I guess I haven't lost too much money on the site at least. I'm not making a cent off it, but it's not as expensive to maintain as some might think. In the end it's all I've really got though. I can't really see myself hanging out in too many other places. I've tried joining other communities and rarely like what I find there. The internet has been ruined by normies, and there's just not many places left to turn to anymore. For better or worse this is my home.
>> No. 27428 [Edit]
Tohno, this place is truly a time capsule of the old internet. This community while sometimes flawed reminds me of happier times of my youth. I miss the old imageboard4free & *chan cultures, but they're long dead.
As I get closer to my 30s, I realize that we're a decreasing minority on the internet. The internet is normie-centric and it's so hard to find websites that have people like us on it now.
Don't ever close Tohno-chan, I will buy it from you and keep it running until I die if you ever lose interest.
>> No. 27429 [Edit]
For what it's worth, TC has quickly become my favorite site. It just feels right. Even something as small as the caption on the homepage makes me feel right at home. Thanks for sticking around.
>> No. 27441 [Edit]
I need to get a damn hobby. I suck at putting effort into things because I've never had to before. I've always gotten by through talent and the ability to follow simple directions.
I like a lot of things, but it's hard to stick with em.
>> No. 27468 [Edit]
2D isn't real, or more accurately, I'll never be 2D.
You watch anime.
You read manga.
You play visual novels.
But it's never enough.
>> No. 27547 [Edit]
I'm terrified. I'm so scared and it feels like there's nothing I can do about it. Too scared to do anything, afraid what will happen if I don't.
It's easy to fool yourself and make excuses, but it doesn't change the facts.
Even though I've identified this issue, I have no clue what to do now. I've hesitated for too long and I'll probably continue to do so until I don't have the option.
Who knows. No amount of writing will change anything.
>> No. 27553 [Edit]
File 165629828378.png - (955.26KB , 1200x1600 , 1623304556277.png )
How do you deal with loneliness TC? It's been months since I've spoken any friends, and it seems harder and harder to scratch that itch. Now everything is super shitty and getting worse by the day and it's hard to talk about anything anywhere. I get an occasional bit of catharsis, but that usually involves doing reckless, pointless things only for things to go back to how they normally are after an hour or so. In my room I'm constantly stressed out over nothing and it only gets worse outside of it. I can't eat a lot of things without throwing up. I can't enjoy things without thinking about it all.
I just don't know about anything anymore. I'm not doing alright and I can't seem to do anything about it.
>> No. 27554 [Edit]
Accept it rather than fight it, that's all.
>> No. 27555 [Edit]
You get used to it over time. It's both a blessing and a curse in that you'll numb yourself to any negative feelings but that mutes positive feelings as well. Any poignant emptiness just gets replaced with a persistent bleh, a tired weariness of it all just waiting until nonexistence. Maybe you can watch a show or two and feel a few sparks of happiness or experience a flash of emotion, but things quickly normalize. Or maybe you listen to a song you used to like and rekindle a shadow, experiencing merely the memory of joy.

And now you'll be tasked with the issue of how to spend the time. When feelings are muted, you never really have any motivation to do anything. Maybe you drift about online, hit cmd-r on TC once every dozen minutes seeing if there's anything to do. Interestingly when both sadness/despair and joy are gone, annoyance is still left.
>> No. 27556 [Edit]
That's my usual routine, but sometimes it's just too hard to ignore. Sometimes I'll say "FUCK!" and run around outside all night, other times I just feel too hopeless to do anything at all.
I feel bad though, I dump my emotional outbursts here too often. I was going to delete my post now that I've calmed down, but it's a bit late for that.
I think I'll hoard some VNs so it'll be easier to find something to take my mind off of everything when I need it.
>> No. 27559 [Edit]
I don't deal with it, I appreciate it.
I'm happy when I'm alone, specially if it's more than one day. Sadly that doesn't happen too often.
Everyone will tell you you shouldn't be like that, you're supposed to feel bad and lonely, but after many years I can see it doesn't work like that for me and I don't think they can convince me of the contrary.
>> No. 27560 [Edit]
>I'm happy when I'm alone, specially if it's more than one day. Sadly that doesn't happen too often.
This sentence implies you're in fact not alone at all, anon, at least not the type of alone >>27553 seems to be talking about.
>> No. 27562 [Edit]
No, I'm not, that's the problem.
I've been in the past, for long times, felt so much better. Even when I spent weeks without hearing my own voice, those days were a blessing compared to the present and I miss them fondly.
But if your point is, "you say that because you haven't experienced true loneliness", and I have heard that so many times, well, if I have experienced the opposite and it sucks so much I consider that enough conclusive evidence. If years of living in society have made feel so miserable I'm not gonna think living outside society is something I should feel fear of.
Like I said, at this point I'm not gonna be convinced of certain things, I've lived enough. When you grow older and have spent all your life doing what others told you was the best, with terrible results, you conclude you're the only one who knows what's better for yourself.
Sure, "humans are social creatures". And humans have two arms and two legs and can eat peanuts. But there's humans who are born with one leg, one arm or none, or they are alergic to peanuts and can die if they eat them. There's always exceptions.
>> No. 27564 [Edit]
I've developed an obsessive-compulsive urge to ruin anything I grow attached to. If I find a manga I like, I get the immediate urge to jump to the end spoil it for myself. If I find a game I like, I'll immediately spoil it by searching online for all the secrets or broken elements of the game, thereby ruining the chance for me to truly experience things for myself. If I so much as catch myself simply ENJOYING MYSELF or being at ease, I'll immediately look up something written by someone like Ted Kaczynski or some other critic of modern society and force myself to feel guilty and irresponsible for daring to be happy in my current life. It's a legitimate reflex at this point, and I don't understand why it's happening to me. I feel like I've been trained to believe that if I hate something and it makes me miserable, then partaking in it is the only mature and morally correct thing to do, and that if I'm enjoying myself and having fun at all, then I'm being immature and incorrect.
>> No. 27565 [Edit]
I wonder how things would have been if I took my education a little more seriously. Despite being in the top percentile nationwide on a certain test and otherwise being a high achiever, I was a pretty typical delinquent. Skipping class, making poor decisions, all that good stuff.
Here I am, a few years later. Just a hikikomori. People usually say it's not too late for me, and they'd be right. Unfortunately, things aren't that simple. My obstacles might be purely psychological, but they're still there.
I also guess I don't give a damn. Everything I was interested in in terms of a career was just me wanting to help other people. Now I'm jaded and bitter. Despite doing my best to help others, nobody ever returned the favor.

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