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25035 No. 25035 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I fucking hate christmas. I always did and unless some kind of stupid miracle happens I always will. I always got forced to celebrate it when I just wanted to sleep and wait for it to be over. I always had to hang out with my family when I was a kid and they would be loud as fuck and probably drunk acting like life isn't shit. It's all smiles for everyone everywhere but me. Every year I would just want to be fucking dead and it never happened, just waking up to another morning. We don't even get snow here, just ice. It's cold and fucking lonely for me while normies everywhere else get to have the time of their lives just because they do. They get everything they want, every minute of every day or every year. Not me, never me. I'm fucking stuck and I hate it. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up, that's my holly jolly christmas wish. I don't even want to be happy, I just want to quit. But christmas is like some kind of specially tailored reminder of how fucking miserable I am. I hate this holiday and new years is stupid.
14 posts and 2 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25170 [Edit]
>>25167
Just lie and say it was with family. You ate dinner at home or a restaurant, it's a tradition. No one will question it.
>> No. 25172 [Edit]
>>25167
Or tell the truth. Nobody would (should) care.
>> No. 25199 [Edit]
>>25167
Has anyone tried deliberately lying, just for the fun of making up crazy storylines? Not in New Year's but in those kinds of situations.
I always tell the truth but then these people keep asking me for reasons and reasons and pissing me off, I am seriously considering making up a pretend 3DPD just for kicks.
>> No. 25200 [Edit]
>>25199
I'm bad enough at keeping normal conversation, so trying to construct a coherent lie on the fly would end in spectacular failure. And then I'd be in a worse situation.

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24769 No. 24769 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Is there anything that most people would call simple that you struggle with?
I have too many things and I need to get rid of some things but it's hard to bring myself to do it. I worry that someday I'll need one of those things but I don't want to become a hoarder. If this keeps up though, I will. I'm sure most would be able to just trash anything without a thought.
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>> No. 25065 [Edit]
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25065
I can’t understand or explain my own emotions. They call it Alexithymia.
>> No. 25079 [Edit]
I struggle with everyday sounds that shouldn't bother me but do nonetheless. Sounds like dogs barking and bags crinkling in particular drive me up the wall.

Post edited on 25th Dec 2019, 7:33am
>> No. 25183 [Edit]
>>25079
I have the same, especially with children or babies crying.
Some sounds just make me angry to the point where i chipped off a bit of my tooth from grinding my teeth so much.
>> No. 25198 [Edit]
Refraining from scratching my fingers and hand with my nails during these social situations, everytime I get myself into a unwanted dialogue I unconsciously begin the ordeal. Sometimes, most of the time, actually, I only notice after it's done.

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25102 No. 25102 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I think contact with reality is slowly killing me.
It's contaminating my mind.
I could spend one month without going outside my room and I will be a happy, almost enlightened human being.
But having to deal with work and people five days a week makes me feel insecure, dirty, exhausted.
The problem isn't the time I'm outside but how it fucks my free time too, it makes me feel anxious, afraid and tired when I should be happy at home. It's friday and I'm already worried about monday, I can't rest.
How do you deal with this, mentally?
There's any particular strategy?
I've been working for years but it gets worse every year, I don't feel like I can get used to it.
>> No. 25126 [Edit]
I know where you're coming from. I cope with leading towards jobs/shifts that place me around fewer people, but I think it's hard to do that with a real career. You'd likely just screw yourself over in the long term doing what I do. One thing I did a lot of at my first job was hiding in the bathroom to play games on my psp. It helped a lot to have a little place to get away and relax for a bit. Of course one of my coworkers who's a real asshole started giving me a hard time about spending so much time in the bathroom but if you ask me it's no different than people taking smoke breaks for stress releaf.
My recommendation is to try and find a new line of work, or maybe be your own boss and try a less conventional form of making income. Have you considered forex, stock trading, drop shipping, or running an online business from home?
I know switching careers can be scary but if what you're doing now isn't working for you, you should at least consider it.

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25070 No. 25070 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
A community I used to be rather fond of to discuss a certain game series has officially gone to shit. To sum it up, it used to be a wonderful, friendly place where you could post whatever pertainingto a certain series, and you'd be met with nice and wholesome discussion. Now the good people have almost entirely left and what's left is straight up abusive people who will trample you if you even include posts written in a way they don't like. It feels like you can't post anything more than a sentence long meme or image dump. It's fucking awful right now and I think I'm about to leave for good or at least just lurk the thread for a while.

I'm really distraught by this because I've been around since almost the beginning and it's a really shame it degraded into what it is. At least I have met a lot of good people and found a lot of wonderful things through it.

Is it time to find greener pastures? Anybody else with similar experiences?
3 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25076 [Edit]
>Is it time to find greener pastures? Anybody else with similar experiences?
Leave. Staying will only embitter you.

>>25073
>(in both the literal and metaphoric sense)
I noticed that with programming social circles too.
>> No. 25078 [Edit]
I recognize that feeling. I hate modern internet.
>> No. 25086 [Edit]
>>25070
Let me guess...4/jp/?
>> No. 25087 [Edit]
>>25086
The time to be distraught over 4/anything going to shit was years ago.

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24294 No. 24294 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you know what I find annoying? People who complain about being lonely without knowing what it's really like to be alone and take what they have for granted. Maybe they broke up a while back or are just going some time without seeing their friends, these people don't know what it's like to be truly alone. They almost certainly have someone there, siblings or friend or a parent, anything. They have people they can talk to if need be, people who will be there for them. They don't know what it's like to never have anyone.
The internet is my only social outlet, there's no one else in my life I can talk to. I can't even speak properly out loud because of how little practice I get, and it's such a bizarre experience if/when I actually do have a conversation with someone in person. Just being able to talk to someone is one of those rare things for me that normals take for granted. I feel like a ghost in this world, there but disconnected, observing other people as an outsider but unable to join them. I might as well not even be there as far as they've concerned. Even when I make online acquaintances, they never stick around long. I've learned to stop expecting anything from anyone. I still try all the same, to be friendly giving caring, but it never works for long. Their 'real' friends always take priority and win out. I can't even talk to anyone in my family. I have no brothers or sisters or cousins, only an abusive asshole of a father who I don't live with, my simple minded half deaf mother, and my insane uncle. I do still try with them, but it just ends up being a disappointing and frustrating experience each and every time. The real kicker here is that I don't even like being around people anyway. I like being alone and find humans annoying and obnoxious to deal with. I don't know if I'm lonely, or if I've just bought into the idea projected by society that everyone needs someone and not having someone is the worst most lonely thing possible. The times when I'm truly and completely alone without any humans around online or off are some of the most enjoyable moments for me. I feel like I'm just not cut out for intermingling with humans and trying to is a waste of time and effort, but I also find myself worrying in the back of my mind that maybe I've
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>> No. 24989 [Edit]
>>24972
>I wish I could have one or two friends without needing to participate in the rat race
I'll be your friend but im a really shitty friend
>> No. 24993 [Edit]
>>24989
I appreciate the offer. You're in good company; I am also a pretty awful friend. As I alluded to in the other post, all the things that friends do together fail to come naturally to me. That's probably why nobody has ever wanted anything to do with me: I'm just too lackluster and boring to be anyone's friend.

It is probably better for everyone this way in the long run, since I won't be a bother to anyone and I'll eventually settle back into the calm stability of isolation again.
>> No. 24994 [Edit]
Truth is, adults don't have friends. If something, couples have friend couples.
It's the shocking truth. The normalfag world isn't about friendship, it's about social relations and that's a completely different thing. Children have friends, not adults.
>> No. 24995 [Edit]
>>24994
From what I've seen of my parents, adults will sometimes call the people they were friends with in school or their work buddies. They occasionally visit each other's house too.

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22653 No. 22653 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Are anime people really as happy as they look?
4 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 24934 [Edit]
>>24920
>>22657
To me, 2D is like a thin cross-section of reality, where concepts we see in reality are distilled down into a pure and potent form. The idea, whatever it happens to be, is usually familiar and identifiable, but its presentation in 2D escapes what is generally possible when dealing with things in 3D. That's why I choose to see anime as a sort of window into an ethereal realm filled with ideas in their most perfect and pure forms. Clearly this place doesn't exist in the same way reality does, but I view it as an equally "real" realm we can get glimpses of through various pursuits of the mind and imagination.
>> No. 24941 [Edit]
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24941
>>24934
> distilled
Great choose of word! The simplified drawing stile expresses sentiments very clearly, almost leaving the observer hungry for more, and connects them to the situation without mixing in the ever present angst and emptiness every human shares in any situation. Watching anime is like reminiscing. Everything is filtered to core elements, washing away mundane worries, you wouldn't remember a month or a year after.

> pure
Possibly one of the most loaded words in the community. It's almost funny how addicted anime fans are to real life events, while they can't enjoy them in the watered down form of painfully swallowing moment by moment in their very own present. Ah, don't feel insulted, just reflecting here.
>> No. 24942 [Edit]
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24942
>>24931
I do that too but with romance. It hurts so much and I can never enjoy it ever. But then it means I'm watching almost nothing.
>> No. 24943 [Edit]
>>24942
I don't watch romance either(because I hate it) and I still find that I am never lacking things to watch, most anime doesn't have romance.

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24895 No. 24895 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
The term psychonautics derives from psychonaut, a term usually attributed to German author Ernst Jünger. Jünger used the term in describing the pharmacologist Arthur Heffter in his 1970 essay on his own extensive drug experiences Annäherungen: Drogen und Rausch (translated as "Approaches: Drugs and Inebriation").[1][3] In this essay, Jünger draws many parallels between drug-induced experiences and physical exploration—for example, the danger of encountering hidden "reefs."
2 posts and 1 image omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 24898 [Edit]
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24898
>>24897
9.73KB , 208x255. It's fucking tiny.
>> No. 24899 [Edit]
Someone explain to me what the fuck is going on with these threads. They pop up for no reason, carry no content, present no topics for discussion nor questions to be answered, only some confusing non sequitur. Is it a bot or something?
>> No. 24902 [Edit]
>>24899
I've been wondering that too. Assuming that >>24897 is the OP then I don't think this is a bot, but if this is the case can OP please explain what the point of the thread is? While I think activity and thread-creation might be nice, creating threads that don't leave a lot of room for discussion just decreases the snr. In this particular case there's already a thread for "what did you learn today" type things (and just copying directly from Wikipedia seems lazy. At least please summarize *what* the essay is about!)

>>24899
I assume you're also referring to
http://tohno-chan.com/so/res/24876.html
http://tohno-chan.com/so/res/24886.html

I don't think the quotes one is a bot, since it's too specific (I recall seeing that specific line on /jp/ some time back).

The other one, however, seems to fit a pattern of posts that seem eerily out of place (semantically correct, but just not fitting with the board as a whole), coupled with images that always include a full URL or path name. A few months back there were also one or two threads that seemed even more peculiar, one of which was a "spam" post linking to some shady site but the remarkable aspect was that it was interwoven cleanly into a post that seemed on topic (if I recall it's body was something of the form "Why are imageboard users leaving.. [link to sketchy site]" replete with a suitable anime image). I originally thought this might have been a GPT-2 based bot but honestly it's more likely to have been someone mass-targeting imageboards with links and a carefully crafted message. There's also http://tohno-chan.com/an/res/33579.html made around that time which is similarly
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>> No. 24904 [Edit]
>>24902
>I assume you're also referring to
>http://tohno-chan.com/so/res/24876.html
>http://tohno-chan.com/so/res/24886.html
No, these make sense to me. I meant ones like ot/res/33620.html and several others I can't be fucked to look for.

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24876 No. 24876 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Together or not together
These are the last traces of those dreamlike days.
>> No. 24877 [Edit]
Dispersed far apart and lost to the sands of time we are, the dream like days are long gone.
>> No. 24878 [Edit]
"Foam floats
upon the pools,
scattering, re-forming,
never lingering long.
 
So it is with man
and all his dwelling places
here on earth."
>> No. 24882 [Edit]
for I have seen the silver sparks
in crystal nights so long ago
and now I shall return to those
who laugh upon the pain
who see no clouds in empty skies
who fall down with the rain
>> No. 24885 [Edit]
>>24876
Everyday is a dreamlike day
For me to awaken from this dream
What awaits for me?
Man cannot take eternity and count it
My only wish is to dissolve away into the darkness
Like salt in water
Away from the eyes of mortal man

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24840 No. 24840 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Does anyone ever go through chronic periods of emotional pain, like heartache? I've been experiencing some intense heartache for years now, I never had any relationships, so I don't know where this pain comes from. Or why. I've done endless self-reflection and introspection to find out where this comes from, and so far I've come to the conclusion it's a product of my loss of faith in humanity and the human race. I don't know what to do about it, it's really painful. If anyone got any advice, it would help I suppose.
2 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 24848 [Edit]
I read a book about subconsciousness recently. The idea is that the conscious and unconscious thought are rarely directly in contact and people can't uncover their deepest desire through deep introspection like in some Freudian therapy session. It is better to see the mind as a black box and determine its contents by your behavior and reactions rather than your thoughts. Of course it is wrong to deny your conscious thoughts wholly, but it may give you insights into things you can't get through rumination. Think about the history of how you react to different stimuli. Put aside your prejudice and try to judge yourself objectively, maybe by thinking that you're making an analysis of someone else. Imagine how you would feel in different situation. For example, someone may consciously think that he hates people and prefer to be alone but being alienated gives him emotional pain, so he can infers that he actually do feel some amount of desire for companionship without completely denying his desire to be alone. Maybe it's loneliness like the post above me says but I think you should still figure it out for yourself and jumping into improvebrah social-anxiety-fixing is not a good idea. You have to tailor-fit these advice to suit your individual conditioning.
>> No. 24852 [Edit]
>>24848
This has been far by the most helpful advice I have comes across, I have yet to try your suggestions. Thanks anon-san!
>> No. 24853 [Edit]
>>24848
I believe I'm going to take this advice to heart as >>24852 mentioned this seems like helpful advice and an interesting take nonetheless.
>> No. 24856 [Edit]
>>24847
>I'm not sure how to best do this

I noticed something, the moments I feel more lonely are when there's people around (family or work usually, classmates time ago), when there's no people at all on sight I usually feel fine or even good. Maybe that could help.
So if you're truly abnormal (not saying you are, I don't know) and you try to force yourself into things you're not meant to like someone said you could end making your bad feelings even worse.

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24833 No. 24833 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Anyone feel severe anxiety before bed everyday? For me, the later I go to bed, the more afraid I get. I feel like if I don't go to sleep by the standard, 'normal' time, I won't be able to see daylight or will not be able to sleep at night. Anyone else feel this way?
3 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 24837 [Edit]
>>24834
Same here, but only if I'm going to meet someone who would have an impact on me, like a doctor.

>... I feel even more anxious, at that point it just seems like a bad joke.

This hit me very hard, I totally know how that feels like. By the time I reach that point, I would get panic attacks just by thinking about sleep.

>>24835
Same. I changed that habit early this year, but only because I thought my bedtime anxiety would disappear if I became 'normal.' Too bad I was wrong. Initially I just wanted to avoid the daylight and prevent myself from having to face another day, but eventually as time passed, I developed bedtime anxiety. I tried to turn my sleep schedule back to a normal one, where I went to bed in the night like a normal person, thinking that my anxiety would disappear. Haha... I was wrong...
>> No. 24844 [Edit]
>>24833
It's the complete opposite for me.
I feel an extreme wave of anxiety when I try to force myself onto a "normal" schedule. I'm way more happier and comfortable staying up all night regardless if I see daylight at all or not. I'm only depressed while the sun is up anyways.
>> No. 24846 [Edit]
>>24837
At least instead of having sleep anxiety and poor sleep schedule you only have sleep anxiety now. I don't even know how I would start to change my sleep schedule. Setting an alarm just means I'll turn it off and go back to sleep. Going to bed early will just make me lie down for hours before sleeping or my body treating it as a nap and sleeping for like 3 hours before I wake up and become unable to sleep again. Going to bed early is a good thing. You can take your time in dealing with your anxiety.
>> No. 24881 [Edit]
I guess I sometimes feel anxious/concerned that I once again failed to do anything I intended to do during the day. Then I either do stuff at 2am and screw up my sleeping pattern, or worry about having to do it the following day -- which means I don't fall asleep -- also screwing up my sleeping pattern.

I have had pretty bad insomnia in the past, but that almost seemed like a "physical" thing. After not sleeping for a few weeks I get a worsening psychosis. I used to have a stash of sedatives, but last time it happened I had run out. So shit just progressed as it does and I had to go to the hospital and commit myself. Definitely wouldn't do that again.

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24784 No. 24784 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I know it's a touchy subject, as the debate of what a hikki actually is is somewhat controversial, but have any Brohnos ever had stints of full hikkidom? As in, total isolation, even from social websites?
Do you regret it if you did?
Did it cause mental problems?
Would you do it again?
Did you even enjoy it?
>> No. 24785 [Edit]
I had.

Regret? Depends. If instead I could theoretically be living a full and happy life shared with people who loved me, then yes. What kind of life can someone like me expect in reality? An austere one, filled with slavish work and cruelty of others every day, with no reward for bearing the pain.

No mental problems whatsoever.

Would.

It's not about enjoyment. You don't withdraw to have fun, you do it to be able to endure living.
Hell is other people.
>> No. 24786 [Edit]
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24786
>>24784
Yes, for a short time I experienced that.
I lived by myself in almost complete solitude for a little more than half a year, without internet, and for one month or so without computer since it broke.
I was kinda depressed since the idea was to kill myself when I used all the money I had left, that was a source of anguish. But at the same time I was at peace, without knowing what was going on in the world and no one bothering me for the first time in my life. Also I'm a digital hoarder and I have been preparing myself for a situation like that for years, so it wasn't too boring since I had anime, movies, videogames, podcast and stuff to read until the end of the world. I always liked the idea to accumulate media then shut myself from the world in a bunker or something.

It's really nice to wake up knowing you don't have anything to do, you can do whatever you like today, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, only problem is you can't keep living like that for too much time.
People that say you only enjoy free time when you don't have too many are wrong, I enjoyed my time better then than while being a wageslave.
>> No. 25155 [Edit]
Yeah, only but for a few months each time.

Didn't regret it. I'm just not cut out for contact with people. Even here on tohno I often feel bad or sad. There are just too many people who I don't understand at all. People so different from me I feel like my sense of reality crumbles. Or people who get angry and antagonistic for no real reason. I guess I'm just a really weak stupid pathetic person but I never really regretted withdrawing.

I did become slower and developed a stutter since all my verbal thinking was tied into posts on image boards. I also noticed I became paranoid and scared of people in real life.

I keep trying to do it again, but I always end up crawling back.

I don't really enjoy it, but at least I'm not being hurt by other people as much so that's something at least.

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