>>24834
Same here, but only if I'm going to meet someone who would have an impact on me, like a doctor.

>... I feel even more anxious, at that point it just seems like a bad joke.

This hit me very hard, I totally know how that feels like. By the time I reach that point, I would get panic attacks just by thinking about sleep.

>>24835
Same. I changed that habit early this year, but only because I thought my bedtime anxiety would disappear if I became 'normal.' Too bad I was wrong. Initially I just wanted to avoid the daylight and prevent myself from having to face another day, but eventually as time passed, I developed bedtime anxiety. I tried to turn my sleep schedule back to a normal one, where I went to bed in the night like a normal person, thinking that my anxiety would disappear. Haha... I was wrong...

>>24833
It's the complete opposite for me.
I feel an extreme wave of anxiety when I try to force myself onto a "normal" schedule. I'm way more happier and comfortable staying up all night regardless if I see daylight at all or not. I'm only depressed while the sun is up anyways.

>>24837
At least instead of having sleep anxiety and poor sleep schedule you only have sleep anxiety now. I don't even know how I would start to change my sleep schedule. Setting an alarm just means I'll turn it off and go back to sleep. Going to bed early will just make me lie down for hours before sleeping or my body treating it as a nap and sleeping for like 3 hours before I wake up and become unable to sleep again. Going to bed early is a good thing. You can take your time in dealing with your anxiety.

I guess I sometimes feel anxious/concerned that I once again failed to do anything I intended to do during the day. Then I either do stuff at 2am and screw up my sleeping pattern, or worry about having to do it the following day -- which means I don't fall asleep -- also screwing up my sleeping pattern.

I have had pretty bad insomnia in the past, but that almost seemed like a "physical" thing. After not sleeping for a few weeks I get a worsening psychosis. I used to have a stash of sedatives, but last time it happened I had run out. So shit just progressed as it does and I had to go to the hospital and commit myself. Definitely wouldn't do that again.

I had.

Regret? Depends. If instead I could theoretically be living a full and happy life shared with people who loved me, then yes. What kind of life can someone like me expect in reality? An austere one, filled with slavish work and cruelty of others every day, with no reward for bearing the pain.

No mental problems whatsoever.

Would.

It's not about enjoyment. You don't withdraw to have fun, you do it to be able to endure living.
Hell is other people.

>>24784
Yes, for a short time I experienced that.
I lived by myself in almost complete solitude for a little more than half a year, without internet, and for one month or so without computer since it broke.
I was kinda depressed since the idea was to kill myself when I used all the money I had left, that was a source of anguish. But at the same time I was at peace, without knowing what was going on in the world and no one bothering me for the first time in my life. Also I'm a digital hoarder and I have been preparing myself for a situation like that for years, so it wasn't too boring since I had anime, movies, videogames, podcast and stuff to read until the end of the world. I always liked the idea to accumulate media then shut myself from the world in a bunker or something.

It's really nice to wake up knowing you don't have anything to do, you can do whatever you like today, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, only problem is you can't keep living like that for too much time.
People that say you only enjoy free time when you don't have too many are wrong, I enjoyed my time better then than while being a wageslave.

Yeah, only but for a few months each time.

Didn't regret it. I'm just not cut out for contact with people. Even here on tohno I often feel bad or sad. There are just too many people who I don't understand at all. People so different from me I feel like my sense of reality crumbles. Or people who get angry and antagonistic for no real reason. I guess I'm just a really weak stupid pathetic person but I never really regretted withdrawing.

I did become slower and developed a stutter since all my verbal thinking was tied into posts on image boards. I also noticed I became paranoid and scared of people in real life.

I keep trying to do it again, but I always end up crawling back.

I don't really enjoy it, but at least I'm not being hurt by other people as much so that's something at least.

Lots to digest here. For the record I live in the US. I'm also 30 years old.

> Is the "loneliness" epidemic that the media reports a genuine phenomenon?
I don't really have a lot of (or any for that matter) friends, but I do have coworkers who are around my age (+/-1-2 years). None of us are married, and we're all from engineering backgrounds. A few of us do have 3DPDs, however. Me personally, I would say that my main "problem" is that I am lonely. I think about it daily, and I struggle with it. My main source of dealing with it is image boards and trying to be cheerful at work (I am actively afraid of losing my job, as it means everything to me). I don't know how to solve this problem, because of my live situation. The real solution would be to, obviously look for a nice women to befriend, but I really don't have the living situation to deal with that (I live with my parents).

> Or do you think the type of "loneliness" affecting the general population differs from our situation in some sense.
No I think that Hikiki and what we're experiencing are very similar. Both stem from a feeling of inadequacy, fear, lack of meaning, and self esteem issues. Not saying these are all of the reasons, but they're the ones I have at times related to.

> Note: the articles and studies conducted specifically mention friends, not romantic interactions.
Specifically on the subject of friends. I don't even know how you make ones anymore. I've lived with an "inability to make long term relationships" all of my life, and I struggle with whether or not I want a relationship, as I'm afraid of being let down again (Being let down is pretty much a core aspect of my existence). People say "go to the gym, get fit, go drink / watch sports at a bar, play sports, ect." but none of those things interest me. I'm sorry. Also no, it has nothing to do with "Soy" or other BS that's being propagated. I just find those things boring, and part of "normal culture".

> been part of the "excluded group" from childhood
Not going to lie, there was only a sm

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

>Specifically on the subject of friends. I don't even know how you make ones anymore.
I don't think the structure of modern society is really conducive to making genuine friends. Most of your day is spent at work, but forming deep friendships probably requires a long period of having known each other which necessarily limits new friendships to your co-workers. This is combined with the fact that most other people prefer to stay in their cliques and that social media has normalized the notion of shallow interpersonal connections. And if you are not very sociable or have interests outside the mainstream, the challenges become almost insurmountable given that there are very few others who you'd likely get along with in the first place (and they would probably be as unsociable or quiet as you apriori so finding them is akin to finding a needle in a haystack).

If we accept technology, modern society, and ephemeral relations as a given, maybe the solution might be to somehow follow in the footsteps of monks and cultivate an appreciation for the ephemera while learning to distance oneself from others? It's certainly not easy, but you have many monks and such who spend most of their time in isolation just meditating, and I assume that by doing so they've overcome most of these emotional desires.

>Oh you're lonely and possibly involuntarily celibate? LMAO fucking privileged alt-gamergate anime avatar russian nazi bot manbaby misogynist, why don't you fucking KILL YOURSELF while we have sex and fight climate change and shit *dabs on u* #Winning #MurderedByWords
And that's all society has to say on the matter.

>>24700
I think that's primarily limited to the (very) vocal segments of twitter/facebook/etc. though. Sure, the average person probably harbors those same sentiments but not to the same extent.

>>24506
You should theme it somehow. The modern vaction has become a haphazard photo shoot, but it doesn't have to be that way. It could be a food tour or a music tour, or a cultural tour, or an otaku pilgrimage or something. Before going though, you should buy whatever tickets and make whatever reservations you need.

Post edited on 4th Aug 2019, 7:07am

>>24485
I used to daydream about traveling to lots of places when I was younger, but your second paragraph includes some of the reasons I don't want to anymore.
In my early 20s I got the chance to actually travel somewhere I had dreamed about going and it was horrible. I was constantly stressed and anxious, the schedules I had planned before I left gave me no enjoyment and just left me exhausted and confused. Nothing was worth the hassle. I just wanted to wait in my hotel room on my computer until I could go home.
The only fun I actually had was going to the grocery store. If you travel any significant distance (even within the same country, if it is big enough) the things you can find in a grocery store are totally different, and since the food in grocery stores is generally only a couple of dollars rather than the price of a full meal, you can afford to buy pretty much every single item that looks interesting to you.

Just like how there's a Shikoku 88 temple pilgrimage, there's a new Otaku 88 pilgrimage. Some of the "holy sites" may interest you.

I often think about it but I've come to realise it's more about mentally escaping my life than actually visiting somewhere different.

As in my troubles will go away if i physically move. I think about this so often.
But, when i think about it there is nothing i particually want to see. If i did i could justy see it online. I've spent hours and hours looking at streetview for various countries.

Even looked at airbnb rooms and imagined interacting with the people. I know how the interaction will go. I know how i will speak and how the conversation will go.

Which is strtange considering the anxiety i feel when travelling. A couple years ago I flew 30 mins to another city to see my brother. It was 48 hours of panic and stress.
That feeling when I returned and got back in my car and sank into the seat was unbelivable.

Another time I toured my own country a little. It was just the same shit everywhere. The same shops and everything just with different geography. I found it increasingly frustrating being unable to derive any satisfaction from it.

It put me off any travel. Or anything really. There's nothing out there is there?

I’m in sort of a similar boat. Don’t see any place for me in the system outside of working from home. I am going to try to balance freelance web design and art work patreon. I already got the web design education and a year of field experience (cringey, retarded experience, but experience) now I gotta grind the art skills. Thankfully I can stay at my parents place which saves so much money. Thanks mom.

But I have some real mental health issues fighting against this plan and they are winning right now. Unemployed and lying that I said I applied to places...just wasting time now.

I'm currently trying to figure it out some way to have an income doing work online. This "field" is so utterly filled with scams. Right now the most promising stuff I think I can do and it actually pays something is translation work, captioning and transcription. I've been rejected by three different online companies that hires freelance workers for captioning and transcription so far though. Another thing I'm looking into is teaching English online. It's all a terrible and exhausting process. The simple step of going to the bank and setting up an account makes my guts churn inside. Unfortunately there's no other way, it's this, flip burgers, be homeless, suicide or winning the lottery. I usually would have given up by now but this time I can no longer afford to pretend everything is fine.

Life is a dreadful business, what can you do..

>>24428
>>24429
I'm successful day-trading binary contracts. At the moment it's something anyone can make money with. A few hundred dollars is enough to start with.

I don’t know if you’re still here but there’s lots of online work from home stuff that can net you 40-50k a year. I am considering becoming a hermit and being a transcriptionist seems like a good way to generate income without leaving the bedroom. This is not an advertisement, so you’re gonna have to find stuff yourself but just be careful and do research when looking for at-home work.

cute pic op

Hey, does anybody still care about this thread? Anyone still care about op? Anyone remember him? False compassion is crueler than genuine apathy because while one is fleeting, the other is consistent.

>>24789
> False compassion is crueler than genuine apathy
It's for this reason that I'm viscerally disgusted by posters (not on this site, thankfully, but on other imageboards) who feel like they're being helpful by telling people to "reach out" to them and offering platitudes of advice.

Almost always it's some outsider just wanders by the forum and sees these people struggling with life. For some reason this triggers an almost instinctual reaction to be a "leader" and by typing out some message of concern (I'm not sure they even realize that any compassion on their end is superficial) they can go on thinking that all is right with the world and they feel good thinking they've helped out some poor soul. It's even worse with the ones who leave behind some sort of contact information, since that offers a false glimmer of hope yet in reality the poster has no incentive to care.

>>24790
>I'm not sure they even realize that any compassion on their end is superficial
They don't. They're driven by feelings and instincts. Maybe it takes prolonged isolation and disappointment to realise that just like stangers don't care about you, you don't care about them. Without that you keep living in a delusion where of course somebody cares.

Pretending to be that person for a little bit maintains the illusion when something contradicts it. If they by some tiny chance remember the person they felt like "helping", they'll just assume somebody else picked up where they left off.

>>24443
I have those too. I'm probably not vain enough to do this, but the best way to get rid of the deep ones is dermabrasion where they remove a decent layer of skin from the area.
Talking of cosmetic "problems", I also have a missing tooth that doesn't look great. Again I don't want to do anything about it, but in a late capitalist service economy I can't help but be paranoid that one day it will be the difference between getting a job and sleeping on the street.

Do you have good dental health?

I have no fucking idea to be honest. My mom says I'm good looking and I don't see any particularly glaring flaws in my face, but no girl ever showed interest in me (thank god for that) and lots of people commented on how weird I look. Maybe it's just a posture thing, or maybe my mom is just too nice. All I know is, I've never been accepted into any group ever, friends or otherwise, and I'm an unemployed friendless highschool dropout virgin. I wouldn't change my looks for the world because that's just me, it's who I am. If nothing else, I do love myself and my own identity over the world.

Honestly I don't know, I think I'm probably just average. Never got insulted for being ugly or bad looking, but neither I have been praised for being handsome.

>>24489
It's not commercialism if it costs nothing, is immaterial, and requires work to get. What's wrong with hedonism? Nobody simply exists. Every moment you stay alive, you're taking up the limited amount of usable energy in the universe. Trying to live up to higher ideals by rejecting "lowly pleasure seeking" is just a way to feel superior in the end. Nhilistic hedonism is here to stay whether it disgusts you or not. If it disgusts you, why aren't you disgusted by your own resource consuming existence?

Post edited on 28th Jul 2019, 4:07pm

>>24491
It's more about a desire to always be, accomplish, or obtain something more so you can pump up your ego and feel good about yourself. It makes a few problems in that you always need another rock on the mountain to climb. Should you stumble on your way up it's going to feel really awful to see yourself lose so much altitude when the top was "just in sight". And since we're flawed humans we'll inevitably get bored of the mountain and look for another one, look at the one we're standing on and wonder what the point of this mountain even was in the first place.

It's not that hedonistic pleasures are bad in and of themselves it's the attachment and regret that come with them. As an example I used to do art. It was fun for a while but eventually I got to where I had real trouble improving my work. "Me, the artist" I thought. So I kept on trying and trying. I grew resentful and developed a rather large degree of self-hatred as "the artist" wasn't even improving, let alone making something actually good. It wasn't until I learned to accept this limitation that I began to enjoy it again. It's not very good, but I enjoy doing it, and that's what matters. I've had similar experience with parts of my personality and other hobbies. One day I'll grow bored of my current interest and hobbies too, just like I have all others, I won't be exceptional at them, but that's okay.

It's unfortunate but we humans are very limited creatures. In a world of seven billion it's highly unlikely you'll be exceptional in any way. It's much easier to find a way to accept that than hoping you'll find a way to leave a mark on the world, right?

I'm probably not using the most technically correct words but I think you'll get the point I'm trying to make... It's somewhat of a defeatist way of looking at the world but I find it's the most realistic one and it's certainly helped me be much more content with my hand in life.

>>24494
I've dabbled in drawing and creative fields ever since I was a kid. While I'm lucky enough not to get bored of it yet, in many cases I get more and more twisted as I invent new plots and subplots, but I don't think that's uncommon among artists from the best to the worst. I still don't expect any major success but it's enough to keep me going for now with the wageslave working grind as well...

>>24494
Getting better at something isn't about leaving a mark on the world though. If you stopped progressing, there's probably a good reason for it which somebody with more experience than you could have pointed out if you asked.

But fren, your filename refers to this chap as the famed Anime Guy, not Juan. There appears to have been a mix up.

If you liked Anonymous, you’ll love Derpanon! You never know what nutty things will go down when he’s posting! DERP!

Women are imbecile, yeah, insofar as women.
Move on.

>>24396
I, for one, welcome it. I just hope it doesn't become a meme word like "epic" did in the past couple of months.

Solitude, the true love that never let men down.

"It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day. That’s the hard part. But it does get easier."

Thank you jogging baboon.

"Hell is other people" - Jean Paul Sartre

"Between grief and nothingness, I choose grief."

"When the alternative is nothingness, you may as well try."

The first one is from a book called Wild Palms the other is from an album by Amanda Palmer which just came out.

You know, I'm not really sure. On one hand there's days like today where I'm loving life but for every day like today it feels like there's three others where I'm either moping around or in an outright downer mood. I'm certainly less prone to destructive thinking than I was in the past but now it's different. I used to think I could fix all these things about myself but I don't think that anymore. I feel sluggish and defeated. But even then there's a certain freedom afforded by realizing that certain things I've struggled so hard with just can't be fixed. I think I'm becoming okay with that. If they really can't be fixed then it's something I'll be able to forgive myself for. After all if it'd take me a lifetime of work to sort out wouldn't I be better off cultivating good in some other area?

I'm a mess. Thanks for reading my blog.

Not at the moment no. It's nothing wrong with me per say, it's just that I hate our current society. We have reached a point in our society where talking like an illiterate dumbass is cool, and where your social status/worth is judged by how much you buy and what kind of clothes you wear (so basically and endless high school *shivers*). The internet used to be my escape from having to think about this, but nowadays, almost every community I was a part of has been overtaken by normalfags that treat it like social media by posting selfies and speaking in bix nood; and if it's not that, it's ironic fascists whining about politics. Not only is this shit annoying, but it's a constant reminder that our civilization is falling and will probably be replaced by China. The only way I can truly be happy is if I move out in the country, buy a hunting rifle and live off the land. That way, if our civilization falls, I will have nothing to worry about.

Nope. It's impossible for me since I haven't even remotely achieved anything I want to. If people define their own happiness, then mine involves achieving things like the independence and job I want. I can't be happy in the moment, unless I know I have accomplished at least one of these important goals. Although I admit, I scrutinize myself like a perfectionist like that, so I probably still wouldn't be...But there's nothing for me to be happy about if I'm still stuck in this jobless, lonely, financially dependent, starting to take twice as long to graduate college than most people, kind of hell.

My viewpoint is that life is both meaningless and worthwhile, so yes.