>>24020
Find a quiet place and some time. Relax. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in. Hold it. Let it out. Repeat.
Instead of talking back to the scarred emotions, listen to them. Don't engage with them - if you find yourself doing so, gently step away. Let them be. Let them talk. Hear out everything, until everything has been said. Then - cherish the brief moment of freedom. For once, seek not echoes of your pained mind, but answers. You say you will never change - but what is your obstacle? You say you are lead back to God - can you find strength in Him, whichever faith you are of? What does the pain root from?
Ultimately, even if you feel the most powerless, in the darkest possible place, the one thing you have power over is yourself. It's hard. I know. I'm not here to give you an easy solution. I'm here to try and convince you to try. It's okay if, instead of reaching for the ladder, you slip. Once, twice, maybe more. It's okay. Nobody's here to judge you. Rest, if you need, and try again. Eventually, you'll find a way. Something. Something that gives you that meaning you seek. A path to change, even if slightly. I believe in you, anon. You can make it. You can get out of the darkness - and into the light.

I cry in my sleep now only, I also cry when watching anime. I don’t have strong emotions for real life anymore. But the way anime displays friendships, love, life it gets to me. It strange people like to live in misery and distrust, even with he closest relatives. I don’t understand

Very rarely these days. I used to cry a lot but it feels like I can't anymore, and I hate it.
I wish I could go back to when there was still a little hope. When I could feel sad and cry quietly but still believe I had a chance.
I hate that I'm getting used to suffering.
It's not right, nothing is right and I don't want to be OK with any of it.
This disgusting fucking world is winning, like it always does, and I can't do anything to change it.

>>23953
Last year I cried while sleeping for the first time. I was shocked, woke up with wet face and swollen eyes, and that bitter sensation in my chest that I haven't felt in years. I didn't even know it was possible.
Fictional depictions of the things you mentioned also get to me very hard. For this reason I avoided anime and stuff for years now.

I also had a long period of voluntary isolation from imageboards, until now at least a year of complete withdrawal.
I feel horrible and I can't do it anymore. I don't know if I can, or should end this seclusion.
I feel like writing walls and walls of text, to try to put into words all the thoughts and feelings that are just swarming inside of my skull... but I remember I once promised someone here that I'd go away and never pollute the place with my shit again. I'm sorry.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I came back because I lost to a desperate desire to fish for sympathy and attention. I also realize that what I'm doing is cancerous.

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>>24028
> I remember I once promised someone here that I'd go away and never pollute the place with my shit again
What prompted this? The beauty of imageboards is that you can consider everyone an acquaintance but there is no obligation or burden your part. It is like that Japanese saying "ichigo ichie," the interactions are momentary and fleeting but that is what makes it cherished.

>For this reason I avoided anime and stuff for years now.
Slice of Life in particular is touching in the way it can evoke and materialize those suppressed emotions. To me at least it's some sort of cathartic relief. Is the reason you avoid the medium to attempt to avoid bringing up those feelings, and if so to what end? The feelings evoked do end up tinging subsequent days with a painful sort of emptiness, but the memory left is also sort of bittersweet.

>>24029
>What prompted this?
A combination of things. At that point I was already going through periods of inactivity before quitting completely.
Mostly because of anxiety and sadness caused by feeling like I don't belong anywhere, being unable to relate to anything and anyone... and maybe most importantly being unable to communicate, to clearly express my thoughts and feelings, and through this to try to find some sense of connection and understanding.
I thought I too often gave in to this temptation of writing convoluted personal blog shit (like I'm doing right now, god damn it) knowing that many would find it annoying.
That guilt is bad enough on its own but I also stress out for hours while struggling with English and trying to compose something comprehensible, often to delete all of it before posting anyway.

So, then there was a conversation about what kinds of posts and posters are harmful to the site, and while reading it I concluded that I probably was one of the bad users.
Of course my influence was practically insignificant, but I thought it was still detrimental no matter how small.
I figured the single best thing I could do for the communities I valued so much would be to just go away.
I hoped this decision would be a right thing to do, that it was for the good of the endangered world of small imageboards not dominated by normals, and that because of this I'd get some solace and a little strength to help me endure my seclusion.
So I said my goodbyes and left.

In the end I swapped one pain for another, it really feels like I excised a chunk of myself and found nothing that could take its place.

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Try joining our IRC. It seems kindof normal to ask for skype or discord...

>>23790
I think professionalism is a farce. Most people are just winging it.

>>23791
not only are they winging it, but if you point out that they don't know what they're doing they will become outraged and indignant.
if someone who is legitimately trained and competent starts working near them the faker will sabotage the skilled person because they don't want to be compared unfavorably.
and don't forget that people who are living a lie successfully are demonstrably good at deviousness, they will outwit you most of the time because they're practiced and you won't see the lie.
next time you get on an airplane think about how the captain got his job because daddy worked for the airline rather than by demonstrated ability to handle an aircraft safely.

>>23792
I mean, at least that would be a quick and fairly painless death.
Also,
>winging it
lol

>>23787
The pro wrestler Ric Flair tells the story that he started seeing a therapist at the height I'd his popularity over confidence issues, and the therapist ebsed up crying. Maybe after hearing about his alcohol addiction.

Ric Flair was famous for his matches against the Von Erich family.

The Von Erich family is a professional wrestling family. Its actual surname is "Adkisson", but every member who has been in the wrestling business has used the ring name "Von Erich", after the family patriarch, Jack (Fritz Von Erich) Adkisson.

When Fritz died of cancer in his Denton County home at 68, five of his six sons had preceded him. His firstborn, Jack Jr., was shocked and drowned in a puddle at the age of six in 1959, outside his Niagara Falls home. In 1984, David Von Erich died in a Tokyo hotel from enteritis. Mike, Chris, and Kerry died of suicide; Mike took an overdose of Placidyl near Lewisville Lake in 1987, Chris shot himself in the head with a 9mm handgun in 1991 and Kerry shot himself in the chest in the family yard in 1993. Kevin Von Erich is the last surviving son.

>>23716
Which ones are bullshit?

It's funny that one of the red goats "Focuses on differences" when that is exactly what the image is highlighting.

>>23678
None of those seems to be labeled "hates everyone but his cat and doesn't know why everyone doesn't just blow their brains out."

the one who jumped off the cliff

This makes no sense. What the hell is a erasmus?

I thinks it's uncertainty, fear of the unknown.
You'll come around, don't worry.

>>23778
Student and work exchange program.

once you go through something like that you'll feel compelled to make use of what you learned because of all the time and effort you invested in completing the studies and training. inevitably "making use of what you learned" will consist of slaving away making profits for some narcissist with an inherited business or someone else who got to their position of authority through nepotism or some other sleazy dishonest means. a lot of that hard work, valuable skills and effort they try to make you learn in school isn't intended for your own benefit, so don't feel like you're making a mistake if you don't follow the normie drone path to what they define as a successful life. their definition is self serving, nobody wants to admit that they've been tricked into slavery, makes them feel foolish and lose face. if it turns out that you want to be a hermit and live in a cave and make cave drawnings that nobody else will ever look at and you go ahead and do that and enjoy it then you've had a successful life. if you were born 20,000 years ago as a semicivilized halfmonkey and never left the valley you were born in an just sat in a tree and at fresh fruit and masturbated all day until you were eaten by a lion and no anthologist ever dug up your skeleton then you would have had a successful life. if you suffer miserably trying to make other people happy and satisfy their desires and expectations they will just continue to take advantage of you and you will be left with regrets and feel like a chump. furthermore the worst of the other people will seek you out for manipulation with leech-like coldness and instinct.

kakusu because /so/ is gay and i'm a retard

>>23779
>>23777
I am feeling better now, maybe I just needed to let it go out.

Lord knows I've met a few in my time.

>>23714
Yeah, quite manipulative people. Have encountered a few even here.

>>23706
>whining about how people won't talk to you
Point out to me immediately where I complained about people not wanting to talk to me.
>and then talking about them like they're one collective hivemind
A collectivist society is not equal to a collective hivemind, maybe you should get up, look in a mirror and tell yourself "Stop being a retard and acquire reading comprehension".
>i'm introverted as hell
[x] Doubt.

Today I was talking to someone it was clear that they didn't understand what I was talking about, and they proceeded to explain something really simple that I already know. I just gave up trying to continue talking about it after that, since it was clear that nothing I said was getting through.

I'm the loud one who annoys others with my useless talking.

No really. I very rarely meet people who only discuss boring stuff I'm not interested in. Maybe I'm interested in to many things.

I only noticed that people always change topics when you have something interesting to tell but I think that's a point of few thing, maybe I did often enough switch to topic to something I wanted to talk about.

Maybe I just was luck mostly meeting people I want to talk to.

>>23709
That's the worst and it's almost never by people who actually understand what they're trying to baby you on either. It'd be a lot less annoying if the people who acted that way actually had a reason to, but sometimes people try it and even condescend with an incorrect understanding of said basic principle.

>>23674
>t I just end up getting jealous of the characters who can act so friendly towards each other, every time I watch some happy anime like Hidamari Sketch or something I just feel like there's a hole in my chest
I think you might like Asobi Asobase.

>>23675
I'll check it out, thanks for the recommendation.

Many people are bored with modern life. Without imminent dangers a man gets dull, so he seeks something to cope with that. Violence in media might be a direct consequence of that.

>>23703
It's not violence in particular, but rather a general lack of satisfying problem solving. Working away at the same task like a robot everyday isn't exactly mentally stimulating. I find the most pleasure in dealing with mathematical or scientific problems, violence is certainly one thing that can entertain though. I just feel that as a whole humans like to have puzzles to solve, and without that conflict we are bored.

>>23560
>see Recovery of an MMO Junky
Despite you didn't actually state it, but since it seems to be a trend here to misappropriate the term... Moriko Morioka is not a hikikomori, but rather a NEET (elito neeto, as she says it). While she has obvious social anxiety due to her seclusion, she doesn't have that much issue with going outside and even enjoys engaging in social interactions in crowded places as shown repeatedly.

That aside, working from home as a hikikomori is very hard because of how few of these types of jobs are. Been looking for such opportunities for years.

>>23561
Good point, very true. I just meant similar in that it's purposefully saving up to drop out of society. This is the route I took.
You are also right about working from home being very hard. I think a good idea is to diversify your income sources as much as possible. I don't personally do it but I hear people can do pretty well from cryptocurrency trading, so that might be worth looking into. You can also resell stuff, there's a guide somewhere about buying things from chinese sites and selling them on ebay for profit, without it ever going to your house. If you have specialist knowledge or skills you could probably turn that into money. Another option is creative stuff, if you build a little fanbase you can set up a patreon or ko-fi and make a little extra there. This could mean music, art, fanart, writing, blogging, reviewing, youtube, streaming etc. If you work hard it's possible even though it takes time and work, I make a little that way. Finally there's things like mturk which are essentially slave wages for a westerner but if you live in the 3rd world that much money can make a difference.

>>23562
>there's things like mturk which are essentially slave wages
Been trying to get into that for years now. Too bad there aren't any decent alternatives.

Savings, family support, extreme budgeting and subconsciously/consciously willing it.