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20868 No. 20868 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
Post cute anime girls in this thread every time you think about killing yourself
393 posts and 346 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22530 [Edit]
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22530
>> No. 22533 [Edit]
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22533
>> No. 22539 [Edit]
I want to die so much.
>> No. 22540 [Edit]
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22540

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22287 No. 22287 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
My english will be always shitty.
1 post omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22291 [Edit]
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22291
>>22288
sup tovarich.
>> No. 22313 [Edit]
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22313
>my shit will always be english
>> No. 22537 [Edit]
It will actually improve staggeringly fast the more time you spend writing on english boards/forums.
>> No. 22538 [Edit]
我的中文永远不好

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22527 No. 22527 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you think you might be cursed in some form or another? If so, in what way?
>> No. 22529 [Edit]
I've got two. I call em the time bomb and the equivalent exchange.
Time bomb; No matter what I do or say or how nice I am to people, they always get stick of me and break all contact, generally within a month and the longest things ever last is three months. The few people I've known for a good length of time are very distant. I don't much like people in the first place, but this makes it completely impossible for me to ever have real friends, let alone lovers, and I'll forever be alone as a result.

Equivalent exchange; I can't be too happy or have things going too well for me, because if I do life will fuck me over soon enough in an amount equal to or greater than how good everything was. They wont let me starve and suffer, but they wont let me be happy. I'm forever forced to remain in a neutral purgatory like state, or pay the price if things improve.
>> No. 22536 [Edit]
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22536
Sort of, I've made peace with my curse.

I've never fit in anywhere. At best I imitate people without feeling like I belong. Like I'm a government agent infiltrating a group of commies with some left leanings. I get some of what they're on about but still find the whole thing a bit ridiculous. Everything they talk about seems so overblown but I just blend in like a chameleon. Because the nail that stands up gets hammered down.

It certainly doesn't help I learned "people skills" in hopes of escaping my condition. They help me blend into society a bit more but come with the cost of making people seem robotic, including myself. And just how infantile people are. If you're ever in a room full of normies with a news report on TV watch as they begin emoting like children, spouting exactly the reaction the producer wanted to induce. Like coaching a child. Once you know what to look for you can't stop seeing it. Or just watch how closely people follow bullshit rules. They expect a bolt of lightning from heaven will strike them down if they misbehave.

It used to bother me a lot but I don't care anymore. After a life like this you get used to it. So you've just gotta quit telling yourself you're sad about it. And laugh like a madman, detached from it all.

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20558 No. 20558 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What's it like to have friends?
Do you guys have any? If not do you even want any?
38 posts and 5 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22495 [Edit]
A few people I talk to online and that's pretty much it. I used to have a pretty good friend in high school so I do want more, but I'm kind of lazy to make the effort now and less people will seem to tolerate my weirdness here. That friend cut me off for good in the middle of 2015.

The memories were pretty good I'd say. If you can talk about anything with your friends, it's really like stepping into another world as silly as it sounds.
>> No. 22506 [Edit]
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22506
Constant disappointment. It's a few years (up to even 5 in my case) of bonding, fun and laughing together. Then they change and find other cliques to get into. I've been left in this dust to the point where I only have two, and I type to them daily about gripes, and they do the same to me. I'm hoping to god this isn't normal because otherwise I sympathize with a lot of people out there. Why is it so hard for people to stay the same? Why can't they be content with just one best friend? I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough.
>> No. 22534 [Edit]
>>22506
While I do think it is normal I don't think it applies to everybody. Though most probably do change if they get the chance to. I've had people undergo great changes and still stay the same, relatively speaking. Most people seem to change every so often, though. I think there's some craving for change within those people. It might be for the better not to be with them anyway, since they seem to want something else in their lives. The worst thing is that it can happen in an instant without warning. I guess that's my reasoning for not caring when someone successively starts cutting contact.
>> No. 22535 [Edit]
>>22506
>>22534
I mean, it's normal that people change.

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22216 No. 22216 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How have you changed in the last three years?

I've grown less bitter and angry. Those feelings have been swallowed up by a kind of resignation where I find it too difficult to feel passionately about anything. I'm also just a bit more self aware than I was then.
22 posts and 2 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22525 [Edit]
>>22516
>Why is something like that noteworthy to you?
Music is a big part of my life. The only time I'm not listening to music is when I'm making it, either on my guitar or on my computer. The right piece of music can completely change your mood or mindset. It helps me combat my anxiety, I can lose myself in a song and forget about the outside world. The only time I go outside other than for essential things like food is when I go to gigs. Normally I just go alone and sober, but the music is what matters.
>>22519
>How so?
I used to listen to really shitty "emo" music like sleeping with sirens and black veil brides. Looking back I cringe at it.
>Do you mean you have found music that you enjoy more?
Yes, I have delved deep into music and listen to things beyond that which I ever thought I would enjoy. It turns out there is so many layers to music and so much of a variety of emotions it can carry. Like there isn't just "sad music", it can convey things like impending doom or dread or regret or loss or fear or depression etc. It's like getting a look into someone else’s soul.
>Is it more personal?
It's more deep, I feel a much stronger connection to the artist and their intent which means I can relate better to it. Sometimes I'll hear a certain song at the perfect time and it will completely give me a new perspective.
>Is it more popular?
The opposite actually. Niche communities tend to be much nicer
>Did you mean that you have grown to appreciate music more?
Definitely. Music is one of the main reasons I haven't killed myself yet.
>> No. 22528 [Edit]
>>22216
>Music is one of the main reasons I haven't killed myself yet.
anon, I...

In all seriousness though, I find your perspective interesting. I would say that I have quite a good appreciation of music (and I certainly have quite personal tastes). Nevertheless I have never really had an emotional connection to it; not in the same way that you clearly do. I only seem to be able to grasp it on a surface, aesthetic level. For sure I experience emotions when listening to music, but I can't really let a piece of music control my mood, as you put it.
I am slightly envious of you anon.
>> No. 22531 [Edit]
>>22528
Ok maybe I exaggerated a little with that last part I was kinda drunk when I wrote that.
It can be pretty annoying because I tend to judge people a lot just based on their music taste, or at least in the past I have. Someone who just listens to top 40 trash I will pretty much automatically lose respect for them or not take them seriously even if they may have other merits. I guess that isn't too unusual though.
>> No. 22532 [Edit]
>22216
>I tend to judge people a lot just based on their music taste
Not really anything wrong with that. You can tell if people like what they like because they actually like it or just think they like it because it's easy to find and is inoffensive

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22329 No. 22329 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I'm so emotionally dead that I crave being angry at the world.

Could you recommend something that would help me get into a hateful mindset?
2 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22345 [Edit]
>>22343
That'll do it. Bonus points for reading the comments normies leave on news articles.
>> No. 22347 [Edit]
>>22344
>Anyone with half a mind would be mad as hell and not be able to take it anymore.
Thanks Mr. Beale.
>> No. 22521 [Edit]
>>22329
Desire is an emotion.
>> No. 22524 [Edit]
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>>22329
gore and CP
Not gonna lie, it is losing its sting a little. Be careful.

also the news, or drugs if you want anything at all and not just anger

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22436 No. 22436 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What do you do for escapism? I'll start, I binge read BL, and I don't know why.
3 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22441 [Edit]
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22441
a lot of things, i can barely use escapism in my house so i go out sometimes and listen to music, sometimes i do more questionable things i'd rather not get into, i can barely keep focus on shows i like or video games, i've been playing princess maker 5, makes me feel a little good i can care for a digital person even if i can barely take care of myself
sorry if this was a text wall
i wish i had a friend who was a neet so i could hand with them all the time
>> No. 22487 [Edit]
>>22436
Maybe because you're gay, you never know.
>> No. 22517 [Edit]
Video games and visual novels (which could also be classified as video games, depending on who you ask) are pretty much the only things that'll do it for me anymore.
>> No. 22518 [Edit]
Was gonna say music but that really serves to enhance whatever im doing rather than escape from unpleasantries. I guess binge reading grimdark manga once in a while.

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22420 No. 22420 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you ever talk to people offline about your online friends, or mention them at all to anyone? Do you think family would consider you crazy if your only friends were internet people?
3 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22426 [Edit]
My offline and online life are treated separately, but the one thing similar between them is that I have very little to no social interactions with people. Also, aside from my almost non-existent desire to socialise with people, I'm horrible at dealing with people.
>> No. 22498 [Edit]
When I used to I'd just refer to them as my cousin's friend if I ever had a story to tell about them. Otherwise, no I didn't specify it was my internet friend.
>> No. 22504 [Edit]
Depends on the person and situation. Some are more open to online friends than others and a lot of times there's no real need to specify so I don't.

On the occasion it's apt to mention they're online it's usually something along the lines of "A buddy of mine I game with out in [state/country]" then some reason why their location is relevant. Like "haha those crazy commies in cali".

All my friends are online though. I think at one point it used to bother my family but now they've just accepted it. People I have to associate with offline would probably find it weird if they found out but I don't think it'd come as too much a surprise to them.
>> No. 22515 [Edit]
I mention them in passing like "someone online I talk to said X" but never in more detail like what websites I go on or who they are. I think my friend thinks I go on 4chan mainly which is pretty amusing.
My father doesn't believe that I have friends online, he thinks you have to be face to face to really connect with someone. He said that I don't even know their real names so how can we be friends.
I remember he once told me he used to have a friend as a teenager that everyone just called by his nickname and he couldn't actually remember his real name and doesn't think anyone even knew it. So I don't think he gets it

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20050 No. 20050 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
Do you have dreams in your life? Did you ever in the past?
50 posts and 2 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22470 [Edit]
>>20162
I'm craving for the past now a lot too even almost 4 years after high school, mostly memories of 11th-12th grade. I was never the type of guy that did the normal fun social activities but for some reason I just haven't moved on from then.
>> No. 22488 [Edit]
>>22470
Me too buddy, me too.
>> No. 22493 [Edit]
>Dreams in my life
You mean, Martin Luther King-type shit or the one where I'm in high school with no clothes on and the teacher is Bill Nye and he wants me to roll a donut?
>> No. 22510 [Edit]
>>20859
reading this, I realised it was my post from a year and a half ago

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22499 No. 22499 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Let's start a book club, Tohno-chan!

Meeting place and time are currently undecided, though I'm thinking that a Skype group will be sufficient. Text only, since it might get hectic otherwise. I might be a bit optimistic, but I think it'll be a fun experience.

Let's read roughly a hundred pages a week and meet up weekly to discuss the book. My schedule will be as flexible as yours, so whenever is the best time for you guys will the best time for me. If a hundred pages sounds a lot, or the book takes a lot more digesting, we can readjust.

Here are the books I have in mind:

The Fifth Head of Cerberus
The Intuitionist
The Rediscovery of Man
Ficciones

Any other book ideas are welcome, but this is just a list to start us off.
>> No. 22500 [Edit]
eh, i'd be interested if you want to discuss books in irc or something. i'm not installing skype on my computer, that's been exploitable for a while
>> No. 22501 [Edit]
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22501
I'd be up for it.

I've read Ficciones, it's very good, and as a collection of short stories works well even if people haven't read the entire thing. Haven't heard of any of the others, but I'd give them a chance.

Why bother with Skype? We can just post in this thread, or maybe use IRC if people especially want real-time discussion.
>> No. 22502 [Edit]
>>22500
>>22501
I like the idea of real-time feedback, but I think it'd be slow and dead so a thread will probably suffice.

Do you have any preference on what book to read?
>> No. 22505 [Edit]
I'm down for using this thread too, too hard to coordinate a live chat. Always plenty of people that can't make it for one reason or another and we probably won't have too many people to begin with. Plus it helps keep the board a bit more active.

I don't really have a preference for which book to pick, they all look decent. Maybe throw up a poll or just use a random number generator to decide?

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22446 No. 22446 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How do you ease the pain, Tohno-chan?
8 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22484 [Edit]
Oxycontin, LSD, cute anime girls, tea, and sometimes I like to play the guitar
>> No. 22485 [Edit]
>>22468
Antidepressants work?
>> No. 22489 [Edit]
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22489
>>22468
>>22478
>>22484
>>22485

>>>/420/
tohno-chan.com/420
>> No. 22492 [Edit]
>>22485
It makes it easier to help yourself because you're not physiologically feeling shit all the time. It doesn't give you skills or make you happy, you have to do that yourself.

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