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22622 No. 22622 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
What keeps you from committing suicide?
73 posts and 10 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26505 [Edit]
>>26503
I know they could do things like changing body temperature at will, like melting the snow around them. I remember some anecdote of a practitioner that knew how to do it but argued it wasn't particularly worth learning since these days we can easily get proper clothes for the cold. And as you said they could master control over pain and body reactions as some vietnamese monks proved beyond doubt, I always found that really impressive. The idea of disolving your body into light seems quite more fantastical, though the mere concept is fascinating. Then there's other crazy stuff like levitating, I was told that was pure myth but what they could actually do is unreal jumps from a meditating sitting position, don't know how or what was the purpose. Shoko Asahara showed himself doing that in that silly Aum Shinrikyo anime so maybe there's some basis or a tradition behind it.
>> No. 26506 [Edit]
>>26505
>don't know how or what was the purpose
To look cool. Looking cool and trying to escape death(total oblivion) explains most of religion.
>> No. 26509 [Edit]
>>26505
I believe they could change their body temperature since Wim Hof has demonstrated enduring extreme cold climates with advanced breathing techniques. But the flying and turning into light stuff sounds too unbelievable, especially since Shoko was a conman who never showed any definite proof. Maybe stories of that happening had some sort of symbolical meaning that we are missing.
>> No. 26510 [Edit]
>>26509
I mentioned Asahara because I heard of the weird jumping from a certain person who assured he witnessed it (also denied the levitation was ever a thing), and while it didn't make too much sense he was really convincing so it got stuck in my mind. Then many years later while watching Aum Shinrikyo videos I recognized the same thing that person described.

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25323 No. 25323 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
Post random things you remember. Little things that left an impression on you.

I was driving with my mom somewhere around the time I was in middle school. It was a long ride. I summarised the plots of eva and saya no uta to her. She seemed bored and a little put-off, but I think she was listening. Then she started talking about how Japanese people have a genetic propensity for cruelness which explained why they would make such things. I thought it was an interesting theory.
102 posts and 23 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26302 [Edit]
>>26298
>>26301
Sometimes I don't know if I'm a weirdo for being unable to hold strong opinions, or I'm a normal for the same reason. It's confusing.
>> No. 26306 [Edit]
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26306
>>26301
>And yet society idolizes and promotes outspoken people.
It's selective with this. The only promoted ones are the people who state the "correct" opinion, the opinion most agree with that is considered the most socially acceptable.
>The "free-thinking" outspoken man is revered in the media as a symbol of the American spirit
This might be true of what some people think but in practice if the free-thinking outspoken man disagrees with the masses, even if his opinion is as American and logical as it gets, he will be absolutely despised. This kind of archetype just makes an interesting character but not always a well-liked person, especially now.
But you probably already know this.
>> No. 26507 [Edit]
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26507
I was at my middle school graduation, walking in a straight line with the others in my grade to the gym. This girl I talked to a few times in math class who was behind me suddenly said "Anon, nobody likes you". Not in a loud voice, but enough from me to hear. My initial reaction was confused disbelief. At that point, I remembered hearing she had done something similar before to another girl. I guess was that that's her "bullying strategy", waiting until the last moment to insult somebody so she wouldn't be reprimanded. The entire rest of the ceremony was left, so I decided to emotionally numb myself and disassociate from my surroundings.

We sat in rows in the center of the gym and would get called up one by one. We then had to walk to the front onto a stage, say our name in a microphone, and receive a t-shirt from the principal. Everybody that went up got an overly loud applause, mostly from their friends. I just waited and waited, totally out of it until they called on me. I went up and said my name. A lot of people didn't clap and the applause was noticeably quieter than other peoples'. I got the stupid t-shirt and went back to my seat.

Few years later, my highschool graduation was coming up. I decided not to go to it because of my previous experience, and this one would require us to go to school an extra day and do a whole rehearsal. Strangely enough, I was kind of friendly with the highschool gym teachers. I wasn't athletic or did any sports, but I talked with them fairly regularly. Maybe it was out of pity or something, but I don't know for sure.

While we were signing something for the graduation in our gym, I went up to them and explained I wouldn't be doing it and hadn't bought the gown and shit. They were genuinely upset. Like I was committing sacrilege. One of them basically ordered me go to the office and tell the people there I wanted to buy a gown. I did go there, but instead told them I wouldn't be doing it and they needed to mark me as being absent or something.

I let the guy know I did this via email later that day. He responded that he wanted to see me, which got me a bit nervous. So I went to the gym teachers' office and he was sitting there alone. Instead of getting mad, he got weirdly sentimental and started going o
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>> No. 26508 [Edit]
>>26507
I had someone at a job say something similar to my face. Didn't mean much though, her opinion meant nothing to me anyway. Besides, this person wasn't exactly popular at this work site, I've had to listen to others endlessly complain about them while not giving two shits then either. Popularity means nothing if these people can't or wont do anything for you anyway. Might as well be told an ant doesn't like you.

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22766 No. 22766 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you feel empty? Not really happy, not really sad, but alien and different from your surroundings. Only spiced up by the occasional shame brought about by base desire like lust and hunger. Like there's just nothing there at all within you.
10 posts and 1 image omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26478 [Edit]
>>26476
By the conventional definition that's "moving forward," but does it actually move you forward. That is, say you get a job; your daily role has not changed much, except substituting attending classes with going to work. I find it hard to see how that's much of an improvement (although depending on your workplace at the very least you will not have to "do" as much each day as you did in university) - if you were empty and listless and university, getting a job or moving out is not going to change that.

To be honest I'm not sure what would be an emotionally fulfilling or satisfying thing. Of course if I knew that then I wouldn't be on here.
>> No. 26479 [Edit]
>>26478
I can't keep my current lifestyle forever. I don't have that luxury. With financial independence, certain things would become available to me that aren't now. Most of all, being a professional engineer would boost my ego and give me an impenetrable source of validation and reason to feel above others. That feeling of being significant and valuable.
>> No. 26485 [Edit]
>>26479
>impenetrable source of validation and reason to feel above others
Well above everyone except for the theoretical math/science guys, who'd consider engineers to be beneath them.
>> No. 26502 [Edit]
>>26485
I'm an unemployable NEET and I consider engineers to be beneath me.

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24601 No. 24601 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
What happened to all the people who used to inhabit imageboards ~10 years ago? Given how poor the quality of most are now, I find it hard to believe that they are still active in those same places. Did they simply accept the inevitability of change and abandon imageboards for good? (While I find it hard to believe that they'd switch to something like Facebook, it's not unprobable that many just joined discord groups, also simultaneously resulting in the gradual decline of irc). Are they still there in small numbers but just drowned out by the influx of newcomers and low-quality posts? Did they escape to some uber-secret sanctuary?

The recent 8ch exodus led me to browse some of their various spinoff boards; I thought that at least one might recapture the same spirit of old but unfortunately none really come close. Tohno-chan is still perhaps the only place I've found where where post quality remains relatively high and discussion is thoughtful.
230 posts and 29 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26496 [Edit]
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26496
>>26495
My guess is that it's the public school effect, where social stratification is more in your face and isn't based on money. They didn't feel "normal" or "popular" in that environment, when in actuality there was nothing wrong with them. They had friends and cared enough about their reputation to conform in many ways, but still felt alienated, and maybe took pride in that as compensation, and went out of their way to like "loser things". That says more about the place they were in than it does them.

After graduating, the illusion is broken, but some of them might still use the same online hangouts they did in school without realizing any of this and think they really belong there. If you call them out, they'll insist they really are one of you and have the oldfag status to prove it.

Post edited on 19th Apr 2021, 10:54am
>> No. 26497 [Edit]
>>26496
Well, that's a really good explanation.
In the other hand when I was young I thought I couldn't be that much of a loser and it was the environment that made me one, but I turned out to be the real thing. There's some irony there, it's like everyone wants to be and pose as something different even if it's not necessarily a good thing.
>> No. 26500 [Edit]
>>26495
>>26497
It's like chuunibyou in a way.
>> No. 26501 [Edit]
>>26496
That would explain their cluelessness when it comes to bullying. All the retarded self satisfied stories of fighting back. "I just punched the meanie one day and then it stopped and then I was friends with everyone and then the bully actually turned out to be a pretty cool guy."
Truth is they were never bullied. They were probably being lightly teased by 1 slightly mean person, not consistently stomped into the ground every day for years by a class of >30 people while the school staff liked the normies and couldn't give less of a shit about you.
The basic fact of bullying is, if you're allowed to fight back you're not being bullied.

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26312 No. 26312 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Last one (>>23024) hit the bump limit.
It was nice having a thread to casually express those somber thoughts.
46 posts and 27 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26489 [Edit]
>>26488
Hm maybe the waking up cycles are indeed normal [1]
>number of awakenings hovers around six times per night. As the body cycles through various stages of sleep, including deep sleep and REM sleep, it dips from shallower to deeper states.
But I think most people get back to sleep quickly enough that they essentially don't remember being awake. So perhaps longer durations of awakenings are indeed anxiety related.
[1] https://www.sleepscore.com/awakenings-during-sleep-cycles/

Post edited on 17th Apr 2021, 11:05pm
>> No. 26490 [Edit]
>>26484
>>26488
I think part of this is the expectation that you won't be able to sleep properly. In my own experience, at least, the suggestion that "I'll probably get woken up and won't be able to sleep the whole night" reiterated in the back of my mind before going to sleep, only for that to bear out exactly as I foretold. It's unsatisfying to say so, but what helped me was just putting my mind at ease and trying not to think about the fact that my sleep had so often gotten interrupted, and as the thought that I wouldn't be able to sleep properly faded away, I was able to sleep properly again.

As far as nightmares go, I can't help you there... But, I do think you're right about REM sleep being interrupted. Whenever I wake up after napping or from interrupted sleep, I remember my dreams more vividly than from a full night's rest. I think it's probably to do with waking up mid-dream I think. So, whether in your case that's because the nightmares themselves woke you up or otherwise, I can't much say.
>> No. 26491 [Edit]
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26491
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, feeling not too well and with an only thought that feels like a crushing revelation; I'm not in my 20's anymore, I'm old, I'll be in my 40's soon, I don't know what happened with time. I'm still, basically, the same 15 yo that played videogames and watched anime all time but suddenly 20 years have passed, I have the age my father had when I was that teenager.
It's scary.
>> No. 26492 [Edit]
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26492
>>26491
>the same 15 yo that played videogames and watched anime all time but suddenly 20 years have passed
I feel the same way. Up until recently I've been constantly filled with dread, there is a feeling as if I'm running out of time and anxiety of an uncertain future. I'm slowly coming to terms with it in some way, I take solace in the fact that there is at least a certainty in death.

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26469 No. 26469 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What are little things the average person takes for granted that you wish you could have or experience yourself, but that you know in all likelihood you probably never will?
2 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26472 [Edit]
>>26469
Not occasionally going on auto-pilot in conversations and saying stuff you know is stupid but being unable to stop yourself. In short, being autism free.
Having people that care how your life is going.
Not knowing for a fact that most people laugh at you behind your back.
>> No. 26473 [Edit]
>>26470
I can understand this. I probably don't have it as bad as you do but my family is also dysfunctional, my brother in particular is the most obnoxious asshole on the planet. I shouldn't wake up every other day wishing he were dead, and that I were the one who killed him, but I do.
In that case, I suppose I covet having a brother who isn't a less than worthless piece of garbage.
>> No. 26474 [Edit]
Terseness. Instant messaging bothers me because it seems everyone knows how to replying saying the least possible, while I have to get out at least a couple sentences just to say the same thing.

I also wish I actually had the ability to cry when I need to. My grandparents died of COVID around this time last year, but I couldn't muster any tears at all. It made me feel really hollow, as if I never loved them. It's not like I don't feel sad or anything -- I'm not a sociopath -- I just can't cry at all, which causes a very subtle sort of emotional guilt and pent-up feeling without any catharsis or release.

>>26472
>going on auto-pilot in conversations
I wish I didn't do this as well. I also take fairly long pauses after being asked something or if I get hung up about not knowing the correct word to use or how to properly express something which I'm self conscious about.
>> No. 26477 [Edit]
>>26469
Just being able to speak properly. Anything longer than one or two sentences and I start fumbling words. It feels like my ability to "think ahead" is only about a sentence or so and once I exhaust that buffer things become disjointed.

>>26471
>their confidence, self esteem, courage
I think that's summed up with their "ignorance". That very inability for self-reflection and thinking about things is what allows them to blissfully go on about their day unaware.

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No. 22108 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What do you do when you're sad?

Usually I play a game of league and then get even angrier and sadder.
23 posts and 6 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26329 [Edit]
Unproductive? I sit around and write long, drawn out explanations for how I feel and what I'm going to do about it. It's really unhelpful and something I need to stop doing. Just a convoluted way of detaching myself from the situation where I gain some illusion of control. It doesn't actually help and if you show your intellectualizing to someone they tend to respond negatively. Especially on the modern internet where everyone wants to be angry.

Cleaning is the most effective way to deal with bad feels but when you're in a very sad or stressed mood it's hard to work up the drive to start. Plus... it's very defeating to do the dishes when that feels like a monumental task and then not feel any better. Most of the time it works pretty well. You just sort of have to force yourself to do it. I try to keep my living space just messy enough that when a bad mood comes I can clean without it being some long drawn out thing. Sitting down a bit worn out while inhaling the faint smell of bleached floors makes it easy to let go of things.
>> No. 26460 [Edit]
When I'm feeling especially down, conflicted, or stressed, shutting out the world while listing to old trance and electronic music for a while tends to do the trick. It helps me take my mind off my problems, and if need be where I am or what I was doing too.
Today was definitely one of those days.
>> No. 26462 [Edit]
Smoking is the only thing that works for me. I've reached a point where my brain is closer to being my enemy than my ally. I can't control it and I easily fall into ruminating spirals, I can't do anything even after being perfectly conscious of them.
Sometimes I think it's the whole thing of "deal with your problems, avoid escapism" that has turned my brain unable to disconnect from anything bad or stressful, somehow I feel I was more mentally healthy when I was younger.
>> No. 26465 [Edit]
I normally listen to harsh noise as a form of self harm. There really isn't much. If I'm feeling depressed, my brain is pretty much shut down until I wait for the hours or days to pass and I feel less bad.

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25611 No. 25611 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What are the little things you enjoy? In day to day life, do you have any hedonistic pleasures which you cherish? A cup of tea or a warm bath or gazing at the sky. I love french yogurt. Especially vanilla. It's smooth and creamy and doesn't have a hint of sourness. It's nice.
3 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25659 [Edit]
>>25614
Why was the image deleted?
>> No. 25797 [Edit]
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25797
Birch sap. It's so clean and refreshing it makes you light-headed. If the taste of water was a color, it would be gray, light gray when chilled. It's nice, but it has an oppressive dullness to it too. Birch sap tastes like bright white.
>> No. 26362 [Edit]
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26362
I like candy cigarettes. Somehow it helps me think a little better and it feels right when I get in the writing or drawing mood. It makes me feel like the image of the writer that smokes while they work on their book and it helps me feel cool without having to actually get addicted to anything.
>> No. 26461 [Edit]
The only thing that comes to mind is Dr.P. But I 'try' to avoid it since it's pretty terrible for for one's self.

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26400 No. 26400 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you ever feel like hurting other people, physically or emotionally? Would that give you any sense of catharsis? I feel increasingly like I can't relate to or trust anybody. People constantly disappoint me in real life and online, but I can't stop myself from interacting with them because like an awful addiction, I can't live without it.

Hurting other people is a way of interacting with others that could make you feel good and protect you from disappoint and alienation. It doesn't matter what the other person thinks of you, because you can enjoy yourself regardless of their opinion if you're causing them pain.

I read an article once that sadistic people have a low baseline level of happiness, and that sadism is not only something they like, but something they require to uplift their mood.
18 posts and 6 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26445 [Edit]
>>26444
That sounds like something I could have written. Maybe I did. Fuck my brain.
>> No. 26453 [Edit]
I used to be more quiet but nowadays I feel like I want to break something or beat up someone. Everytime I cry or feel frustrated about anything I punch and kick anything in my sight. There are way too many people in this planet who should have never been born.
>> No. 26457 [Edit]
>>26444
sounds like you weren't a punk but really want to be one now.
>> No. 26458 [Edit]
>>26457
Sometimes I wish I was in the oppressor side, not because I find enjoyment in oppression, but because it's miles better than being among the oppressed, and I suspect there could be no room for anything else.

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26331 No. 26331 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
For those of you who have obtained a suitable line of work, how did you do it? Is dealing with people a problem?
15 posts and 4 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26355 [Edit]
Wow, there's a lot of people ITT that make me feel kind of inadequate; I work in a kitchen and, as long as we're not blatantly fuckeyed, we get away with drinking. It helps me be okay with having to work with people. That being said, I've been at the same place almost four years and I've grown to like most of my co-workers.
>> No. 26454 [Edit]
I am (hopefully) going in for a job interview tomorrow. I know that it's something I can do easily and that I qualify for it, so why am I scared shitless? I don't understand. It's just working at a gas station which is so easy a retard could do it. I shouldn't be worried at all, I know I can get up that early, I know I can walk there in 10 minutes, I know it's something that I shouldn't have any problems with. What fucking purpose does nervousness in this case even serve? Is it only because it's so important to hold a job in the first place that I fear failure?
>> No. 26455 [Edit]
>>26454
What do they ask at interviews for those sorts of jobs? I feel like since it's the kind of job where there's no real skill level needed, they would resort to those bullshit personality questions ("tell me about yourself," "what's your weakness," etc.) in order to impose some filter.
>> No. 26456 [Edit]
>>26454
Talking for personal experience that happens due to a previous psychological substrate of bad experiencies and trauma. So it's not a particular fear about something specific like getting a job or not, but an abstract fear to failure, others and who knows what else.

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22206 No. 22206 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you have a tulpa? If so, what is she like?
25 posts and 5 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26441 [Edit]
>>26440
>Basically most of my tulpas end up looking like a mentor character or a cute girl.
Couldn't you have a cute girl as a mentor?
>> No. 26447 [Edit]
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26447
>>26441
I don't think I have ever seriously considered that before, so it may be worth a try. But, the biggest issue with such a thing is the discrepancy between the visual and personality parts of tulpas. The mentor characters were generally male, with the implicit hint that they were like a instructor who lived through similar experiences. Perhaps there could exist a solution that satisfies both parties. A girl that is really young but actually has X thousand years, or is from another planet and whatever. When I feel on the mood to try tulpamancy again I will see where this can take me to.
>> No. 26448 [Edit]
>>26430
Theoretically yes. Practically, your mind would probably start fracturing at some point.
>>26440
You can make multiple tulpas too. There's nothing stopping you from having both a mentor and a cute girl.
>> No. 26449 [Edit]
>>26448
Yes, but making one looks hard enough. Let's not get carried away.

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