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25719 No. 25719 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How is your mental condition? From a functional point of view.

I'm really worried about this. Any issue I could have is getting worse with the years and I'm developing new ones.
My hands don't respond well, I drop things or do weird shit like getting stuck in a certain movement. Sometimes I just fall or lose my balance. I get my clothes hooked with all kinds of stuff, like doors, and I haven't seen a person with the same problem in my life.
I confuse numbers, like my own phone number, directions and names. But I'm also starting to confuse words and sounds. Let's say I want to say "psychology" and suddenly I don't know if I should say "psychologist", "psychology" or psychologic". Or I want to say or write "come on" and I say "common", "coming", "cumming" or who knows what dumb shit. Sometimes I just forget words or half a sentence so I just end with an absolute nonsense that I can't even understand myself. Other issues include repeating things (maybe I even posted this before but I can't know for sure), getting extremely disoriented while going anywhere and being unable to focus on anything (I can't even properly watch an episode of anime because of this). Sometimes I'm reading a book and I have to turn back and reread the last 20 pages because I've literally no idea about what I've been reading in the last ten minutes.

It seems like alzheimer or the kind of illness you start to suffer when you're old, senile and about to die soon, but I'm in my 30's.
I heard lack (I just wrote "like" in place of "lack", noticed minutes later while rereading) of social interaction can deteriorate your cognition but this is just too much and it's not like I've been the last ten years in a desert island.
It could be something worse like a brain tumour, actual alzheimer (it's rare but it can start in your 30's) or some similar disease.
But I don't see what I can do about it. I can't go to a doctor because I don't believe in them and this is an issue that would require lots of effort to get a dyagnose. I want to improve my enviroment and mindset to see if it can help, but if it's something serious I'm
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>> No. 25745 [Edit]
What are your nightmares?
>> No. 25747 [Edit]
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I feel terrible for you OP, but seriously, this sounds really bad so you probably should get checked out. I know, I hate doctors too, but this seems like something very severe.

I personally never had to deal with such extreme issues, however for years I had suffered from a very bad depression and anxiety. I have a very toxic family with a history of abuse and mental illness. During my teens, I felt as if my life was spiraling out of control- no friends, very anxious/nervous around people, emotionally sometimes physically abusive family, bad grades, chronically ill, obese, my teen years were not the best. It even got so bad, that I contemplated suicide and almost went through with it before being sent to a mental hospital.

While I still do have depression, it is much more moderate now. The problem for me was only a couple things that I hadn't considered:
1. I needed to stay away from my toxic family in order to maintain my mental health (self-explanatory)
2. I was once a high-achieving student in elementary school so this one was the hardest, but I realized that some set backs in life doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Life is not that black and white.

3.My obesity and my poor eating habits worsen both my physical and mental health.

4. I am naturally an introvert. There is nothing wrong with being alone. Many times, its preferable.

Realizing all of this, along with improving my situation, taking accountability, and doing things for my self alleviated my mental health tremendously. I'm not trying to be all normalfag and go out there trying to get a social life and high-end job, but its nice to know that I can improve and do things for myself. And most of all, it's nice that I don't feel so down all the time.
>> No. 25748 [Edit]
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I like to believe it's not that severe, but reading the posts (even mine) makes me think maybe I'm fucked up but somehow managed to hide it from most. I'm not sure.

Still, I've been feeling better last week since I've been living by myself. I can see this issues aren't uncommon in our kind and I want to believe it's a psychological thing, along with some chronic condition like some kind of dyslexia, but at least not alzheimer hitting in my 30's. If it's not and it's my brain's dying then there's little to do about it so no point in worrying.
A problem I have is I'm never really sure about what's going on. I'm not sure if I'm still functional or not, I'm not sure about what image I'm giving either. Sometimes I think I'm just some sort of monkey-like creature and everyone just tries to act semi-normal with me out of pity. I think one of the results of isolation is not having too many points of reference, but maybe that's still better than herd mentality.
>> No. 25793 [Edit]
My OCD is getting worse and better at the same time, I stopped eating my mothers cooking and I decided that when I move out I will have to leave thousands of dollars worth of books and furniture behind. But I am converting more on waifu 2x and my hands have improved. It's still incredibly exhausting though, every morning I wake up dreading the day because I know how I will have to walk on a mine field to avoid touching or seeing anything and I know how much effort that takes.

Maybe, I saw my GP to talk to him about getting help for it. My GP was worried about me because the last Psych he sent me to for something else saw me, was meant to write a report to him but then never sent it to him and he had not heard from me for two years.

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23512 No. 23512 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
You know what sucks about being a loner? Not having people to go to restaurants with. There is so much good food I would eat if only I had people to eat with. Going to a restaurant alone is weird. I could never do that.

I mean, every now and then I get food with people. But not anywhere near as much as I’d like.

Can you think of anything else you need a group for?
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>> No. 25789 [Edit]
In my case, as I grew older I realized human relations aren't particularly enjoyable in most cases. You could feel a need of social relations because as a human you're programmed to be like that since social relations improve your chances of survival, but that doesn't mean they are going to be fulfilling or anything like that.
Still, if that's what you think you need to do, then do it, only important thing is to be free and not to be affected by the multiple ways social pressure works. I suspect most people are unhappy because they think that's how they are supposed to feel, but they could be perfectly fine by themselves with the right mindset.
>> No. 25790 [Edit]
I think one thing that changed with me the past years is that I no longer feel that pressure to pretend to be someone else and to match the expectations of others. I now feel more free to be who I am and thus feel like I can enjoy interaction with others more.
Though I still struggle to actually come across new people, I tried it through sports and hobbies but c*rona fucked that up and killed my motivation for a fair bit too but I'm slowly setting up a recovery plan.

Anyway, as I said before, I still enjoy time alone, I don't plan to give that up but it'd be nice to have some people I can rely on around me.
>> No. 25791 [Edit]
When you have to hide most of your interests and beliefs, you aren't being yourself. Even if you have a few things in common, that's no guarantee that the other person is reliable. You don't know if a person is reliable until you need something from them, so you could waste a lot of time on people who actually couldn't care less about you.

Post edited on 3rd Aug 2020, 8:57am
>> No. 25792 [Edit]
>When you have to hide most of your interests and beliefs, you aren't being yourself
Then stop hiding your interests and beliefs.
I don't want to live like a shut-in any more and I've accepted the consequences. If I can at least find 1 reliable person, I would be grateful.

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23024 No. 23024 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
Last one is on bump limit.
Post Cute Anime Girls Every Time you Think About Killing Yourself v2
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>> No. 25779 [Edit]
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I finally got myself a job. The first real one in almost half a year. But I fucked it up within the first week and I seem to have gotten myself fired now.
>Duplicate file entry detected.
Ah, funny that. Even my past self mocks me from within this very thread. Fitting.
>> No. 25781 [Edit]
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The future is so fucking bleak, why bother living through it.
>> No. 25782 [Edit]
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>> No. 25783 [Edit]
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25554 No. 25554 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
In a good home of course, have fun every day, everyone loves you and you genuinely bring joy to those around you just by being you regardless of age.

Woof woof. Bark bark. I've taken the woofpill for happiness.

Look at that boomer the dog guy, completely out of it but gotta envy him.
>> No. 25555 [Edit]
So like a child without any responsibilities? Dogs don't have hands, anon. Even if you cut off your own hands, at least there's prosthetics.
>> No. 25556 [Edit]
Exactly, I've reached the point in my life where I feel I'm spiritually broken and my attempts at functioning in society have backfired. Some reason my motivation went to zero.

I do wonder what happened to that Boomer the dog guy though, he's been inactive for years.

I'm not a furry but I wonder if reality always catches up with people eventually, I know ulililia it did. Adulthood was worse than I imagined as I figured I'd only get major physical deterioration in my 40s and above rather than 20s...
>> No. 25559 [Edit]
It might happen in the afterlife. I'd think my sort of similar wish would come true like that.
>> No. 25777 [Edit]
I would rather be a cat and stay home all the time

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25770 No. 25770 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What do you think would happen if you had a kid? The scenario doesn't matter, imagine you miraculously had a kid, what now? What kind of parent do you think you'd be? How do you think they would turn out?

On one hand the idea of having that much influence over another person has some appeal, on the other hand there's no guarantee they'll turn out the way you want. If they end up being shitty, it could be absolutely painful. While I wouldn't want them to be a normalfag, if they aren't they'd probably have a miserable life. It's a lose lose situation. I don't think I would be good at it.

Post edited on 27th Jul 2020, 8:40am
>> No. 25772 [Edit]
That makes me remember Otaku no Musume-san.
If the kid was a baby it would be given to a church or sold to the gipsies, it's impossible a baby could survive in my care.
If it was older enough and I couldn't have any other option I guess I could provide food, the most fucked up advice ever given by a father figure and little else. Since I'm unable, both practically and philosophycally, to tell others (even if they are 7 yo what to do or exercise any kind of authority ), it would probably end being an awful kid, a delinquent, etc.

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23463 No. 23463 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
Is this the only anime/weeb community left that hasn't been over run by children?
Every time I find a new one to join it's the same thing, retarded teenagers who wont shut up about school or spoiled rich kids and their college crap. It's all "dur hur I'm gonna be a doctor I'm gonna be a laywer" fuck you. I feel so fucking old lately and this shit doesn't help one bit. It's just so ackward being in these servers/channels with kids that are half my age. Not that it's uncommon here either. Where the fuck are all the 30+ weebs? Do they just kill themselves when they hit 30 or do they turn into normal fags and quit the internet? What the fuck man.
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>> No. 25670 [Edit]
I'm all for escapism, but not to escape from yourself. You don't need to be a philosopher or anything, but I can't see how to supress your own thoughts can take you anywhere. Besides that, I doubt it's possible and they are still going to be there when you end whatever it was distracting you.
About illness, I just remembered an story about an old king who got sick really fast and in some days was already in his deathbed. Then suddenly asked for a doctor to come quickly. The doctor came and started presenting excuses about how nothing could be done. But the king just wanted to ask me what was the illness that was killing him and how. After having the answers, the understanding, he died in absolute peace.
>> No. 25671 [Edit]
Maybe not in our era, gernerally talking. We have killed God, ideologies and beliefs. I think we're not too conscious of it now but in the past people had big systems of thought developed during centuries that guided their lifes. It's like how today people preffer to die without being conscious of it while in the past it was the opposite, because it was a trascendental moment that wasn't too good to miss.
>> No. 25672 [Edit]
Effective free thought suppression is possible for many people although not saying it may be for you. Venerable meditation, martial arts, education and interrogation programs are built on forcing your brain to act a certain way and believe a certain thing no questions asked. With enough discipline you can learn to empty your thoughts while meditating. With the proper external stress and psychological techniques applied you can be indoctrinated to accept things no questions asked (even to believe outright lies) through military training, captive "reeducation" (most often associated with Communists) or intense enough vocational programs. When they work properly they shred your free thoughts on a matter (e.g. what is my purpose?) and rebuild you based on a mold. There are also legal and illegal "happy pill" types drugs on top meant to slow down your brain activity from all that overthinking.

I think it's still possible whether someone spends decades thinking it out or simply accept a purpose assigned to them as an axiom (being naturally "simple minded" or indoctrinated).
>> No. 25768 [Edit]
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I am almost 30 now, remember first getting into anime with Dragon Ball, Sailor Moon, Pokemon etc., which every normal watched because it was on TV, so socializing on that topic wasn't really strange, I was just way more autistic about it than others. Later after finding out that internet streaming was a thing, I got into Evangelion, Cowboy Bebop, Air and many of the classics, and seeing the God Knows music video for the first time honestly changed my life, maybe because my childhood really sucked, and anime was more escapism for me than for others.
Talking about that stuff in real life was harder, so I signed up at some online forum, and when I did talk to other fans, they seemingly never took the stuff as serious as I. Even went to some conventions, and honestly could have done without them, even there people socialized either over mainstream stuff, or not anime at all, remember that many didn't realize many series/songs that I liked.
Maybe I just didn't get to know the right people, and guess it's not that socializing is all that different only because it's about a topic you are interested in.

So in time I realized that it is better for me to appreciate my anime/manga on my own rather than trying to fit in some group, and also slowly stopped posting in forums and boards, as I slowly realized that socializing was hard for me anyway as being anxious all the time made me appear weird I guess, even this post is taking me ages to write. Of couse that's only my experience, but maybe other "hardcore weebs" from then were fans because they were outcasts in the first place and had problems or no interest talking about that stuff with anybody.

The whole medium and internet is getting more and more mainstream and accessible nowadays, for example people on 4chan /a sh*t on everything, which is ironic because that board wouldn't even exist without that counter-culture, and older people may be getting tired in getting into heated debates why something someone likes sucks, not every show is for everybody, but then move on and talk about things that you do not hate instead.

Also as some said, the sheer amount of shows that are available nowadays may contribute to the degradation of individual shows, I am still rewatching old shows again and again, and consume everything ther
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25750 No. 25750 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How do you feel when people laugh at you?
There's still pride inside you? You can still feel the pain of getting humiliated? Maybe have you reached nirvana or just don't give a fuck?
I still feel the pain. Sometimes I feel my only function in earth is to be a laughing stock or someone that can be ordered or just mistreated by literally everyone so the other humans feel better about themselves. I feel like this is a function that has been determined, socially, and also genetically. From a really early age. It doesn't help that I get laughed because my walking, my voice or my face, the most basics things of my being.
If you're also a ridiculous creature, how do you deal with this?
I just would like this eternal high school to end someday.
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>> No. 25758 [Edit]
I remember a couple of times in school sometimes when I entered some place, after some time some of the friendlier people would tell me "oh don't let them bother you, don't pay attention to them" and the like.
Joke's on them I'm too slow to notice anyone laughing at me, apparently.
>> No. 25759 [Edit]
When people made fun of me, it was usually about my morbid obesity. Kids would literally point at me and ask their mothers to take a look at how fat that man over there is. Roaming packs of sand niggers in the street would imitate pig noises while looking at me, at one time even attacking me out of the blue and giving me a concussion. Women who mistakenly thought that I was hitting on them would giggle with their friends behind my back about how disgusting I am.

I've lost most of the excess weight and look like a normal person now. Little bit of loose skin, but you can't see it when I'm wearing clothes. Even had visible abs for a while, before I gained some of the weight back. I'm actually more muscular than average because I do strength training six days a week. Now the sand niggers don't pick on me anymore, because they're cowards and I don't look like an easy target. Women are generally a lot more friendly towards me now, and when they mistake my clumsy attempts at simply being nice as me making advances, they tend to like it and often try to engage with me, and I get a bit of a kick out of either ignoring them and refusing to talk to them until they go away, or in some cases telling them off in the rudest possible ways while hurling insults at them.

So yeah, I guess I did get rid of the main thing that fucked up my life (thanks for the two decades of absolutely atrocious nutrition, Mom!), but I still do not enjoy the company of other people, especially not of women, whom I regard as particularly boring, superficial and annoying. So here I am, still preferring occasional discussions with anonymous people on the internet over having any actual social bonds.
>> No. 25760 [Edit]
>I just would like this eternal high school
Nobody laughed at me directly since high school. I don't really care if people hate me or made fun of me but I don't really know how to react if they do it front of me. Last time, I wasn't even angry and I just ignored them: that was awkward.
>> No. 25765 [Edit]
>or in some cases telling them off in the rudest possible ways while hurling insults at them
I'd be suprised if this hasn't landed you in hot water.

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25280 No. 25280 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
did you grow up poor
did you have an abusive childhood which led to you being fucked up
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>> No. 25652 [Edit]
>did you grow up poor

No, my dad makes a middle class income however he has a blue collar job and no education.

>did you have an abusive childhood which led to you being fucked up

My dad was always doing something and had very little time or interest for me. He used to smack me to punish me which I don't actually have an issue with in and of itself and he used to force me to do chores which again I don't have an issue with but he never showed any warmth to me or compensated me for the chores in anyway to counter it so I always say him as cold and like a boss you don't like, not like a father at all. Eventually my parents divorced and that was that.

I used to think my mother was caring and that she loved me but over time I have come to think that maybe she doesn't and it's just that she doesn't hate me. She doesn't hate me but she never shows that much warmth for me, she never asked me about what I like or made any kind of attempt to interact with me, hug me or get close to me as you would to a child. She just left me on my own, and that was another issue, even though we were middle class they did not spend much on me, my room was incredibly spartan and they never took me anywhere. My childhood was incredibly boring. I can't actually remember my mother ever trying to comfort me or anything like that either, maybe if I went to her she would hold me but that was it. Even as I got older, our relationship turned more into the kind a man would have with an older unrelated woman he lived with, I might talk to her about something and I often had to do the manly tasks for her but again, nothing really nurturing or caring came form her. It just had not occurred to me until quite recently that this is not really how mothers are meant to be.

What's worse is that I am actually the oldest of 5, and none of my siblings are treated like I am. I've seen them laugh and joke with my father and my mother goes out of her way to do things for them and spends money on them and bought them toys and asks them what they want. And all of my siblings care for each other and are close to each other too, even though I tried to be a good older brother to them I am not a part of that, I tried really hard to be
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>> No. 25658 [Edit]
Yeah that could be it, or it could be getting beaten by my mom and slammed repeatedly head first into concrete as she screamed about wanting to kill me.
>> No. 25662 [Edit]
that's definitely abuse
>> No. 25741 [Edit]
I grew up poor, yeah. But then again everyone around me was poor so I didn't really feel it that strongly at the time. By any metric I'm still poorer than the average person, but seeing the attitudes and behavior of the richer people in my country makes me disgusted, so I'm somewhat glad I didn't become like them. Wealth changes you as a person and very few can resist not becoming arseholes as a result.

No. 25111 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Human beings are a disease, cancer of this planet.
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>> No. 25725 [Edit]
While the OP probably meant this in an ecological sense, I've had occasional thoughts that perhaps the evolution(?) of consciousness was an aberration that in the long-run will lead to the decline of the species, especially as technology keeps advancing and we must take up surrogate activities (as Kaczynski mentioned) to fill the void.
>> No. 25726 [Edit]
An example of that would be Intelligence. IQ has been falling in developed countries for a while, since the 70s even according to some research.
>> No. 25727 [Edit]
A very large number of animal species are "conscious". What sets humans apart most is language and the intelligence to abstract things, not consciousness. Decline in the species is also arbitrary. Plus, humans have been around for such a short period, and our own perspective is so warped, that we don't see the big picture. Even if we were "declining", that may just be a short term trend followed by massive gains in whoever is left.

That can largely be attributed to demographic changes.

Post edited on 6th Jul 2020, 7:59pm
>> No. 25739 [Edit]
Working at a grocery store really opens your eyes to how retarded the general population is. They're like bugs, they have no self awareness and are absolutely ignorant.

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25531 No. 25531 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How would you like to improve yourself? In what ways and by what methods? I don't mean self-improvement in the generic, conformist, commercial bs kind of way. People have ideals and things they see as virtues. There might be the idea of a "quality person" in your head which you would like to be.
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>> No. 25700 [Edit]
Forgive me for misspeaking here when I implied you said tc is perfect, which you didn't, so ignore that part. Sorry.
>> No. 25701 [Edit]
What part should I pay attention to then? TC is far from perfect and? If there's more to it, like something that's better, i'd like to know.
>> No. 25702 [Edit]
Can you give a concrete example of the cynicism you're referring to? It doesn't seem to leak out of /so/ too much, and even within /so/ the jadedness is of a more "constructive" nature than places like wizchan, where discussions (excluding the increasingly large fraction of tourists) are both more fatalist and less interesting.

Consequently I'd tend to agree with >>25698 in that – as far as I've found – there isn't really a better place for discussion in the same niche of topics. Despite the notion of "outcasts" comprising a large part of this site's thematic core, even if you were to look beyond that and stick to e.g. /navi/ or /an/ there's unparalleled signal to noise ratio. As a whole it may not be perfect, but I'd be hard-pressed to think of an aspect that could be improved; I'd be interested to hear if you think otherwise.
>> No. 25703 [Edit]
I don't really feel the need to talk to anyone on a public board, and barely do at the moment anyway. I'd just post nowhere is what I mean.

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25156 No. 25156 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What do you think will happen after we die?(either by suicide or naturally).
Do you believe you will be reunited with your waifu on blessed 2D realm?
Or will your soul just vanished back to nothingness?

Post edited on 9th Jan 2020, 12:22pm
>> No. 25157 [Edit]
>Or will your soul just vanished back to nothingness?
This one, except I don't believe in the soul. Your consciousness will stop existing though, yeah.
>> No. 25158 [Edit]
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There's no "after" you die. Not for you anyways. So the nothing part, except it's not as nice as all that because "vanishing into nothing" sounds like you actually get to rest in death. Instead the only rest you'll ever get is whatever you can scrounge up while still alive. If your life is/was miserable that's all it will ever be, and death can't save you from anything. Hell, chances are even if "you" do manage to embrace death someone just like you will pop up again somewhere after some number of eternities, feeling as if no time has passed at all.

Only way out of this would be if somehow some godlike being or principle existed in the fabric or outside of this universe actively intending salvation of souls we don't even know we have. I desperately want to believe, but it doesn't seem likely.
>> No. 25159 [Edit]
I think you just shut off and that's it, nothing more nothing less.
>> No. 25673 [Edit]
>Do you believe you will be reunited with your waifu on blessed 2D realm?

i can only dream. there is a part of me that is truly hopeful that one day we will finally be able to be together, i just have to figure out how to get to her

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