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22602 No. 22602 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I thought I was doing well for myself for a few months, but I once again hit a low. It's like a seesaw of going from normal to depressed. Can anyone else relate?
>> No. 22603 [Edit]
yes
>> No. 22604 [Edit]
yeah
>> No. 22605 [Edit]
That's life for ya.
>> No. 22606 [Edit]
I have that too. I swing between good and bad fairly regularly but I'm not good at letting it out and it stays inside and festers. Then maybe once or twice per year I have a meltdown where depending on the severity I can be completely non-functional for anywhere from a few hours to my longest one lasting a week.

I'd honestly prefer to just be depressed all the time to this. At least then I'd know what to expect instead of wondering if I'm going to feel okay when I next wake up, or if It'll be one of those days where I need a few hours to build up hunger pains to motivate myself to get out of bed.

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20868 No. 20868 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
Post cute anime girls in this thread every time you think about killing yourself
412 posts and 364 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22598 [Edit]
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22598
I feel like crying.
>> No. 22599 [Edit]
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22599
fuck my life
>> No. 22600 [Edit]
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22600
>> No. 22601 [Edit]
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22601

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22587 No. 22587 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What was the happiest moment of your life, TC?
1 post omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22591 [Edit]
It's probably whenever I buy a new console, aside from those moments, I can't really think of a moment where I've experienced real joy.
>> No. 22592 [Edit]
The good and bad moments of my life have all just blurred together into a hodgepodge of continuous, pointless existence. I don't feel like anything stands out one way or another.
>> No. 22593 [Edit]
I don't really have a happiest moment, but the thing that I did that made me the happiest would have been drinking coffee before sunrise while watching the ocean on the beaches of Whidbey Island. I also really liked walking around and driving on the northern end of the island (almost never went to the southern portion). I haven't been there for almost nine years and I've yet to find a more beautiful place.
>> No. 22597 [Edit]
Maybe the second half of 2011. Played a handful of great video games, my first real experience playing together from my friends from school as well. We made stupid lewd jokes at school and in-game too and trying to do that now just isn't as fun. At that point I still enjoyed anime more even though I didn't watch that many good shows. You could say I was just into enough escapism to dull the boring reality of existence. 2012 was tougher but I still had that one damn game, it was powercreeped and imbalanced to become unplayable the next couple of years though. The game was a derpy fighter and there's no real substitute for it unlike MOBAs and generic MMOs, and most of my friends since then have left me too.

Of course I guess if there's really something like VR or AI anytime soon that would be an improvement, I dunno.

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22436 No. 22436 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What do you do for escapism? I'll start, I binge read BL, and I don't know why.
9 posts and 2 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22553 [Edit]
Video games and listening to Touhou remixes. Recently I often just walk around listening to music and thinking how I can make the world a better place.
>> No. 22555 [Edit]
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22555
Useless code and math. Technically, it's a grave violation of my NEET privilege to do something traditionally purported as productive, so I have to be extra careful and craft it meticulously so it serves no purpose at all.
>> No. 22594 [Edit]
Huh. What does that program do?
>> No. 22595 [Edit]
video games and clenching my teeth

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22287 No. 22287 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
My english will be always shitty.
3 posts and 2 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22537 [Edit]
It will actually improve staggeringly fast the more time you spend writing on english boards/forums.
>> No. 22538 [Edit]
我的中文永远不好
>> No. 22554 [Edit]
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22554
>>22291
>>22287
Slav country language skills ("runglish") being so unique to the point of it becoming a recent popular culture fad involving round country flags, displacing engrish - which is now like a racial slur.

I'm fine with it, it means slavs are white at last. Such cases.

>>22537
Only for the first year or two when learning foreign language by immersion from scratch. A lot of us are into online escapism for far longer than that. Most of online prose is bottom of the barrel anyway, and the fecal molecules get stuck in our typing centers of brain or something.

Read a book, or at least a shitty asstr fanfic.
>> No. 22589 [Edit]
Your sentence already places you miles ahead of some people I know, OP.

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22575 No. 22575 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I just want to lay around doing nothing, maybe sleep all day or something like that. I can't though. I have a little voice in me that wont shut up and keeps telling me to do something productive. I'm always working on one thing or another. There's always something to clean or fix or improve, and it stresses me out whenever I'm sitting still for too long. I can't even watch anime without doing one or two other things at the same time. It kind of drives me nuts. I can't stop thinking about all the things I should be doing with my time, even now I feel like I'm wasting time by typing this when I could be working on a dozen other things. I wish I didn't have to feel like this all the time. I wish I could just do nothing and not feel guilty about it.
5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22583 [Edit]
I'm the same way but I'm fine with it. It's great to keep reaching for higher heights, quite enjoyable. Given you have to enjoy the process of reaching said heights more than getting to the heights themselves or you'll get into trouble.

People like us need to be careful because we're prone to being taken advantage of. If life is game theory we play the cooperate card too much. People notice and we're easy prey to rack up points on.

Altruism is a lie; an elaborate mechanism of human parasitism. All humans are parasites. The defective humans, that is, the ones who aren't find themselves weeded out of the gene pool quite easily. And if they aren't they find themselves attached to a mate that doesn't give a shit about them. You're "a great guy" because you put up with their bullshit, you let them do whatever they want. You get the point. If you don't fight back, you don't compete, you're on the chopping block. Both literally and figuratively.

The only solution for people like us is to intentionally cultivate selfishness and narcissism. Otherwise people just take, and take, and take. Until you're drained of all drive, all love of life. And they lack the soul to even realize what they've done.
>> No. 22584 [Edit]
>>22581
>I do that with crappy anime. The worse it is the less attention I pay to it.
Why would you watch it if you don't like it?

>as long as you can still hear what they're saying anyway.
You mean you can understand Japanese?
>> No. 22585 [Edit]
>>22582
Well, my computer is pretty slow so I cannot do other things while anime is on, not that I would if I could.

If you set madVR to max settings then maybe it will take all the resources of your computer, disabling you to do other things and thus forcing you to only watch.
>> No. 22586 [Edit]
>>22584
>Why would you watch it if you don't like it?
Well like I said the less I like it the less I watch it. If I really don't like it then I just drop it.
As for why at all. It can help pass the time even if you're not looking directly at it.

>You mean you can understand Japanese?
A little. Enough to have a basic understanding of what's going on and follow along a bit.

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22564 No. 22564 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Does anyone else just feel sad for no apparent reason? I just don't know what's wrong and it's making me feel worse. And it's really getting in the way of my life.
>> No. 22565 [Edit]
yeah
>> No. 22566 [Edit]
There's a lot to be sad about.
>> No. 22570 [Edit]
Yes.
I've realized that I have mood cycles throughout the day. At some point I'll feel chipper and I'll be quite talkative and productive, but I always mellow out eventually and just sit and mope/shitpost. Sometimes I wake up like that and then get happy, but the transition always seems completely arbitrary either way
>> No. 22573 [Edit]
Yes. And I have plenty of things that I should be doing too.

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22558 No. 22558 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Remember anon, just because you're not good at something doesn't mean there aren't other things you might be good at!
>> No. 22559 [Edit]
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22559
You can't ruin a perfectly good thread with shitty premise like that. This is now a sushi thread, where cute girls make cute sushi things.
>> No. 22563 [Edit]
It certainly feels like i'm not good at anything
>> No. 22567 [Edit]
I know what I'm good at. The problem is I don't belong in society.

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22216 No. 22216 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How have you changed in the last three years?

I've grown less bitter and angry. Those feelings have been swallowed up by a kind of resignation where I find it too difficult to feel passionately about anything. I'm also just a bit more self aware than I was then.
24 posts and 2 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22531 [Edit]
>>22528
Ok maybe I exaggerated a little with that last part I was kinda drunk when I wrote that.
It can be pretty annoying because I tend to judge people a lot just based on their music taste, or at least in the past I have. Someone who just listens to top 40 trash I will pretty much automatically lose respect for them or not take them seriously even if they may have other merits. I guess that isn't too unusual though.
>> No. 22532 [Edit]
>22216
>I tend to judge people a lot just based on their music taste
Not really anything wrong with that. You can tell if people like what they like because they actually like it or just think they like it because it's easy to find and is inoffensive
>> No. 22556 [Edit]
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22556
>>22525
>Music is one of the main reasons I haven't killed myself yet.

Last.fm, in its heyday, had a group of edgy gothic little girls named like that. I used to fap to it, obviously. You sure you're not from there?
>> No. 22571 [Edit]
>>22525
I completely understand.

In my experience, working on music is one of a select few things that can make the sense of impending doom I constantly feel to go away, at least briefly. I feel like we're only alive to combat entropy/to create. I don't feel good when I can't for whatever reason. I don't think I'd kill myself without it but it makes life able to be endured, especially in the terrifying times we live in.

Obviously not everyone will feel the same way about music specifically.

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22527 No. 22527 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you think you might be cursed in some form or another? If so, in what way?
>> No. 22529 [Edit]
I've got two. I call em the time bomb and the equivalent exchange.
Time bomb; No matter what I do or say or how nice I am to people, they always get stick of me and break all contact, generally within a month and the longest things ever last is three months. The few people I've known for a good length of time are very distant. I don't much like people in the first place, but this makes it completely impossible for me to ever have real friends, let alone lovers, and I'll forever be alone as a result.

Equivalent exchange; I can't be too happy or have things going too well for me, because if I do life will fuck me over soon enough in an amount equal to or greater than how good everything was. They wont let me starve and suffer, but they wont let me be happy. I'm forever forced to remain in a neutral purgatory like state, or pay the price if things improve.
>> No. 22536 [Edit]
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22536
Sort of, I've made peace with my curse.

I've never fit in anywhere. At best I imitate people without feeling like I belong. Like I'm a government agent infiltrating a group of commies with some left leanings. I get some of what they're on about but still find the whole thing a bit ridiculous. Everything they talk about seems so overblown but I just blend in like a chameleon. Because the nail that stands up gets hammered down.

It certainly doesn't help I learned "people skills" in hopes of escaping my condition. They help me blend into society a bit more but come with the cost of making people seem robotic, including myself. And just how infantile people are. If you're ever in a room full of normies with a news report on TV watch as they begin emoting like children, spouting exactly the reaction the producer wanted to induce. Like coaching a child. Once you know what to look for you can't stop seeing it. Or just watch how closely people follow bullshit rules. They expect a bolt of lightning from heaven will strike them down if they misbehave.

It used to bother me a lot but I don't care anymore. After a life like this you get used to it. So you've just gotta quit telling yourself you're sad about it. And laugh like a madman, detached from it all.
>> No. 22572 [Edit]
>>22536
Haha, I did that too, the learning human behaviour thing.
I never did look people in the eye when they spoke, so I tried really hard to but then I questioned which eye? I can't look into both at the same time; the middle of the brow? but that's not the eye and they probably think I'm weird for looking at their brow. So I just went back to looking away.

I haven't noticed your observations of people, maybe because we live in different cultures, but I did notice that normies have such collectivist fashion sense.
>> No. 22590 [Edit]
I think so, but I'm not entirely sure.

Maybe I'm just making a big thing out of my awful luck. My luck does get pretty awful at times, though.

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20558 No. 20558 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What's it like to have friends?
Do you guys have any? If not do you even want any?
38 posts and 5 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 22495 [Edit]
A few people I talk to online and that's pretty much it. I used to have a pretty good friend in high school so I do want more, but I'm kind of lazy to make the effort now and less people will seem to tolerate my weirdness here. That friend cut me off for good in the middle of 2015.

The memories were pretty good I'd say. If you can talk about anything with your friends, it's really like stepping into another world as silly as it sounds.
>> No. 22506 [Edit]
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22506
Constant disappointment. It's a few years (up to even 5 in my case) of bonding, fun and laughing together. Then they change and find other cliques to get into. I've been left in this dust to the point where I only have two, and I type to them daily about gripes, and they do the same to me. I'm hoping to god this isn't normal because otherwise I sympathize with a lot of people out there. Why is it so hard for people to stay the same? Why can't they be content with just one best friend? I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough.
>> No. 22534 [Edit]
>>22506
While I do think it is normal I don't think it applies to everybody. Though most probably do change if they get the chance to. I've had people undergo great changes and still stay the same, relatively speaking. Most people seem to change every so often, though. I think there's some craving for change within those people. It might be for the better not to be with them anyway, since they seem to want something else in their lives. The worst thing is that it can happen in an instant without warning. I guess that's my reasoning for not caring when someone successively starts cutting contact.
>> No. 22535 [Edit]
>>22506
>>22534
I mean, it's normal that people change.

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