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28601 No. 28601 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
Last one (>>26312) hit the bump limit.

Me too man. Me too.
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>> No. 28773 [Edit]
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>> No. 28775 [Edit]
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I feel like I'm in a downward spiral these days. Now and then I take a look at myself wondering what the hell I'm doing. I've betrayed the simple pleasures of my hikineet days, and have been slipping further ever since.
My family members are so proud of me for working and tell me I'm doing great, and yet I'm totally disgusted with myself and how weak-willed I am.
>> No. 28776 [Edit]
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Obnoxious mentally ill freak, abomination. Pointless existence. Shouldn't have been born.
>> No. 28777 [Edit]
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Need rest.

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25993 No. 25993 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Have you ever tried to kill yourself? What method(s) did you use? If you made multiple attempts, how many? What pushed or keeps pushing you over that edge? How did you feel when you woke up in the hospital or each time it happens? Did life change for you in any way at all, for better or for worse? How did others around you feel, if you had anyone? What other experiences do you have related to it?
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>> No. 28767 [Edit]
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I love the art you posted, and also the story, it sounds like something I would have done.

It calms me down to read about others dealing with this because obviously I can't really talk about in real life.
I don't think I'd be able to jump, I've dreamed about it before but I'd be too scared probably, I mean almost every way to do it either requires balls of steel or a level of preparation that if I had the energy to do, I would be able to live a satisfying life anyway.
I've read about the "night-night" method which basically means headlocking yourself with some sandbags which sounds easy enough but in the end also requires the willpower to choke myself. Fasting myself to death like determined monks would also be a romantic option, though this apparently can also take weeks depending on metabolism and again the willpower that I definitely don't have. Partial hanging or hypothermia sounds doable, maybe going on a trip to Japan and disappearing in a forest if I don't change my mind until then.
I'd prefer going missing so people I know won't have to live with the knowledge about my passing. Not that I know many people in the first place, I barely know my family anymore as I left that place a long time ago, so disappearing wouldn't be too suspicious, but still I don't want to burden others in that way.
>> No. 28769 [Edit]
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I've never been hospitalized, but I have done experiments. In my research, for overdose, I've found that Nembutal+Metoclopramide or Fentanyl were the most ideal options in terms of exiting painlessly. I remember reading about Sodium Nitrite before the law was changed, and the thing that put me off of it was that it causes tachycardia, which causes your heart to beat like a motherfucker. The other good substance I read about was sodium azide, which is found in old car airbags, which seemed like a better option than Sodium Nitrite. Shotgun was also another good option. I never realized how inexpensive shotguns were where I lived. I think it's like 300$ for one, which isn't too bad for a one-way Gensokyo ticket. But, I wouldn't want the clean up to be horrendous. I'd hate for someone to have to deal with that mess. The other option was partial suspension. The thing that ruled that out for me was the potential of having the noose becoming undone when your body is unconscious and flailing. The risk for brain damage seems a bit much. Two other options I explored were ratchet straps and tourniquets. The former idea sounded good, but there's not enough information/research to show that this is a viable method. The tourniquet also has the same issue that partial suspension has. Then, there was the charcoal method. This one didn't seem bad, but it required more resources and time than other methods. The main thing seemed to be getting the concentration of carbon dioxide high enough to be able to go peacefully. In the end, when I do finally decide to go to Gensokyo, I know it'll be by full-suspension hanging. It has a high success rate, it's a well documented method, which makes it easier to find information on it and pictures of past suicide cases to reference from. In addition, it is not as difficult to pull off (provided you are not trying to do a drop hanging,) and it does not require many resources. When I did my experiments, I was trying to find the proper location for the knot on my neck based on my individual anatomy. During these tests, there were moments where things started to go black, but I was able to pull myself out of it, and there was not a significant level of pain nor discomfort aside from the pressure on my neck. The main thing was ensuring that the pressure was not distributed on the trachea (throat
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>> No. 28771 [Edit]
As someone who has attempted to seppuku and nearly succeeded, I will never attempt to seppuku again.
I want to live.
>> No. 28774 [Edit]
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>>28769 I have had the same effects testing full weight suspension, and as a matter of fact the sole thing that keeps me from using this method is the sight you leave behind. I think a shotgun to the head and the mess that goes with it would be more dignified than a stiff, tongue-out awkward fat doll hanging by some cord. This is just some idiosyncratic aesthetic preference more than anything but still. The jugulars part about neck related things feel like a hassle to figure out anyway, just not to suffer suffocation.
I'd like this year to be my last and I feel happy about this possibility, I think this time I will be taking a shortcut and go straight for whatever 'medicine' (the ideal options) is available via 'un-mainstream' supply lines.

>>28771 There is a possibility you are writing this after a recent event, in my experience this grateful-for-life emotion fades away rather rapidly, but there is a more important thing I feel like saying; life/death are the same thing, they are not in opposition, they are co-dependent and intertwined and ouroboros yada, anyway it's something to keep in mind. The opposite of life would be complete utter void which is hardly attainable since nothing can be destroyed proper.

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28762 No. 28762 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I can't be with people if I don't know that I'm wanted unconditionally. Being around them is like being stuck in a lion den waiting for them to attack me but never knowing when it'll happen.

I've had mutism since I was a toddler because expressing myself, liking things, or speaking too much was punished by physical assault or harassment. When I would try to play with my parents they would ignore me or snap at me suddenly and randomly. I can't present any part of myself to another person, and I can't dissimulate because I have no idea what other people even want from me. I'm afraid to push boundaries by saying anything in response to them, but saying nothing is also wrong.

When they're nice to me I assume they're lying. When they're cruel it seems like they're being honest. Their love has always been fake, their hate is real, and I can't tell when I'm going to become a target of it. I know I scare people by being a nervous, creepy wreck and that's part of the reason they don't like me but it's this way with everyone I've come across. I can only assume there's something wrong with me written on my face because they don't do it that intensely with each other, and so I have a fear of being seen and leaving the house now.

I just want to feel the love of another human being. Please help me.
>> No. 28763 [Edit]
I'm sorry that happened to you. I developed mutism after being shunned during adolescence, it took me a while to pick up on social clues and learning how to dissimulate again. I downloaded and read a lot of books (for free, I only skimmed some of them) trying to find answers to my problems. Not sure how much this advice will help you:
-It's better for people to tell you to tone down your voice than the opposite.
-Take care of your posture, clothes, haircut, hygiene and ¨the way you carry yourself¨
-Record yourself and do voice training, I developed a lisp around that time but it is treatable and there are tutorials online on how to fix these issues or make your voice deeper.
-You might have a resting bitch face (hate this term so much) that may scare people, there are also guides on how to look more ¨cheerful¨. This is common for autistic people too. Mewing isn't a meme either, it can help even if you're older.
-Try lifting and not being fat for obvious reasons. You can buy a pair of dumbbells or do basic calisthenics at home. This can also help you have something you can be proud of and not feel so insecure among others.
-Socializing is complicated and I can't help much. What I do is try not to not be self conscious or apologetic when I don't have to and pick up on subtle social cues and microexpressions on people's faces. I'm not autistic but I believe everyone can learn how to do that.

Their ¨love¨ and compassion isn't fake, it's pity. No matter who you are, being pitied when you didn't ask for it isn't a good feeling, it makes me feel like a dog and they don't like you the moment they are able to see you as a human with flaws who isn't innocent. My advice is superficial because I got shunned for superficial reasons, puberty came late for me and it made others not want to get to know me. I don't like people I can't talk to. ummm... I dunno I'm far from perfect, not sure if I should be giving advice to be honest.
>> No. 28772 [Edit]
I've also had the mutism spell casted on me.
Too many bad social experiences conditions you to avoid socializing, to lessen the pain in a way.

I don't like leaving the house much, but i'll try to aim for a 30 min walk daily to stay sharp.

I can't help you much, as I too need assistance.
Ganbare !

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26953 No. 26953 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I turn 26 today, just a few small steps until I hit the fabled 30.

Can I get some birthday wishes and anime pics in this hiz house?
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>> No. 28732 [Edit]
>Might be worth it if you don't get side effects.
They all have side-effects. By definition they're a pharma product, and preventing hair loss wasn't even their primary goal, it's a side effect. Why would anyone take one of those?
>> No. 28733 [Edit]
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>For some reason, in my dreams I still have my long hair.
That's interesting. I notice I'm usually around five years younger in my dreams. Which is, looking back, how I've alaways felt my maturity age has felt, I'm neurodivergent.

I also recently noticed I do not have my moderate chronic tinnitus in my dreams. Hopefully, that susan shore tinnitus device ends up a success and prevents the inevitable shotgun mouthwash when it gets too loud to bear at some point.
>> No. 28739 [Edit]
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It feels like a cruelty from our minds... like you are still young and less fucked up in your dreams so you wake up and experience the loss again and again.
>> No. 28744 [Edit]
Said that and last night I dreamed I was in the 90's, very clearly. I can't remember if I had long hair but I was definitely younger. For some reason it felt very comfy.

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22436 No. 22436 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What do you do for escapism? I'll start, I binge read BL, and I don't know why.
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>> No. 22979 [Edit]
I hate being unable to do anything other than browsing imageboards and fapping all day. I'd like to find the will of playing games or watching anymore but it's fading away since around last june. I end up plugging my (littered with anime) external hard drive every day expecting to watch someting and i end up doing nothing. Holy shit I hate my faggotry.
>> No. 23048 [Edit]
what BL stuff, i read antique bakery (it has a gay character but its not a total yaoi fest which is what i was looking for) and i liked it
>> No. 23052 [Edit]
that sounds good, i'll will read that one
>> No. 26823 [Edit]
I talk to my waifu, cuddle with her, buy/set up/pose figures of her, look at pictures of her, and sometimes talk about her or post pictures of her online.

I started watching a show with her (cuddling with her daki while I watch), and I was thinking of taking a small figure of her out into nature sometime so we can enjoy it together.

Occasionally I find a new show, movie, or game that I can enjoy, or I can enjoy re-watching a show or movie I haven't watched in a long time.

Occasionally I play a musical instrument but I don't practice seriously because it starts to hurt after awhile. So it's like I'm roleplaying being a musician by fiddling around.

And of course mindless web browsing and occasional posting.

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19645 No. 19645 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
Why are you unhappy, /tc/?
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>> No. 28719 [Edit]
I'm unhappy seeing how many people act like idiots into adulthood and are incapable of introspection. So many numbskulls with no tact who can't admit their mistakes.
I want a peaceful, wonderful life with a bit of happiness in it then.
>> No. 28720 [Edit]
It's over if you have chronic fatigue syndrome.
>> No. 28721 [Edit]
CFS is an interesting thing. There's some evidence that it's somehow linked to mitochondrial dsyfunction, and yet I likely believe there's also a strong psychosomatic element to it, in a similar way to how mind-body connection is the cause of issues such as back pain or RSI (see John Sarno's work).
>> No. 28722 [Edit]

It's not like I have CFS but the 6-7 days per week are too much and I also can't take night shifts. I sleep like 3 hour max at daytime and that's it. I wake up and feel like shit. People are supposed to sleep at night. I don't wanna take sleeping pills or something. The work itself and the salary are fine though.

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28470 No. 28470 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How have you changed since then? Did your future align with what you expected?

I have visited this board every now and then since 2011. Back then, I was 15 years old. Not much has changed since then, meaning everything I was worried about came true. Still live with my parents, never got a 3DPD, never made friends after high school. One thing that did change which I did not expect was that I stopped watching anime (by about 2019). I became primarily interested in different things as far back as 2014. Everything I became interested in was still normie repellant, though.

In my opinion, the only thing better about the internet and life in general compared to back then is the existence of decent AI. Oh, the "Vtuber" phenomenon was kind of nice for a while, too.
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>> No. 28612 [Edit]
I think it's been close enough to 10 years. Or maybe it's past 10 years and I just forgot. So much has changed I couldn't possibly cover it all, yet somehow my life is still basically the same.
I work now. I do less of all my hobbies. I developed a personality disorder that has it's advantages and disadvantages. I have the same token friends and go to the same token nights out 2-3 times a year. That's becoming harder to keep up though. I used to very easily keep up my appearances as needed but once I turned 30 it changed. I spend more time in fantasy than ever before. Every year the past becomes more distant and more desirable. My memory has become a problem. It used to be good for everything, but now if I don't care things will leave as fast as they entered. It's selfish I guess, and I've certainly become more selfish. I've grown up a lot. It's an entire post of it's own to describe what growing up has felt like and what changed along the way.
>> No. 28632 [Edit]
It's probably been about 10 years for me. Severe pain from eyesight issues at 16 annihilated any future I could've dreamed of (as if I wasn't a shut-in between 11-16) and after being in severe pain I made a crazy attempt at fitness, only to get a cartilage injury by the time I was 21. Still went to the gym often and thought I'd have recovered to the point I could start martial arts, but it never came and I'm 28 now. Also got a degree in that time and diagnosed with ADD, moved abroad to avoid having to return to my parents but failure to be accepted for grad programmes or jobs have forced my return. Since the age of 11 I've been unable to share things with my family really.

At this point I just wish to die pretty much every day, even though ironically I can get more enjoyment out of things than when I was 17-20 (severe pain led to anhedonia). Can't relate to normal people, can't improve physically due to bad luck, can't find something to focus on (science) as it relies on the whims of someone accepting me... really I'm tired and wish I just died when I was 16 to stop seeing my mind become so corrupted by pain.
>> No. 28682 [Edit]
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I wanna say 12 years since I first visited here when I was 19. Back then I was far more idealistic about the future, who I'd be, and what I'd be doing. I can safely say I've done like one or two things my past self would be proud of, but not much else outside that. I have no real ambition for the future beyond finishing everything I want to do, and have no ambition outside of that so bad that I'm afraid if I ever finish my life will be truly empty so I just give myself more and more goals to fill the void.

I've dreaded the real world more and more as time goes on, and went from having a social life while in the education system to never making friends at work and just being alone at home with Mom all the time. I want the world to leave me alone but I know that even when it does the only one tormenting me is me. I pray for it all to stop and for me to become more satisfied with the life I have, or simply for something to cause all life to end in an instant.
>> No. 28705 [Edit]
When I first came here I was about 18-19, sometime in 2010-2011. I'm a few days from 32 now.

Relatively speaking, those were good times. Life still sucked, but at least being an adult meant my family started treating me like a human being instead of a dog, and I'd recently upgraded from a 1998 toaster to a half-decent 2010 laptop. That allowed me to catch up on some of the games I missed out on in the 00s, plus finally get into anime now that I had something resembling HDD space. Being out of high school meant I no longer had to deal with the dregs either. My only responsibilities were coursework (all at home, thanks to online classes) and a comfy job at my college's library, where the people weren't unpleasant like in high school. Outside of that I'd spend my time watching anime, programming, trying to gamedev, and playing a ton of video games. Especially Minecraft. I still miss that old beta server we had here.

Nowadays I've grown in some ways and regressed in others. On one hand, I have a degree, a full time job, and an apartment where I can be left alone. But on the other, I've found myself hating people again the way I did back in my mid-teens, likely because I'm dealing with the dregs again at my current job. Hell, they're everywhere now, it feels like the only place I didn't encounter them IRL was during college. It feels like anyone worth talking to leaves this dump of a town once they get their degree, if not before. So all that's left are the ones who never matured past high school.

And like others have said, the internet's gotten worse. One thing I've found myself missing lately is when it used to be a lot more "segregated" for lack of a better word, like the normalfags and ideologues all kept to their containment zones, so you could hang with people online who not only shared common ground with you, but also weren't indoctrinated by one flavor of bullshit or another.

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27796 No. 27796 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
Did any of you 'get better' and still come here on rare occasion? Or are you still as bad as before?
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>> No. 28657 [Edit]
I started visiting here when I was 18. I'm 31 now. I haven't gotten better. I'm just depressed all the time. I haven't achieved consistent employment and media is no longer fun to consume.
>> No. 28658 [Edit]
Where do you hangout? Lolicon is controversial sure but if you're not like on social media it's mostly just ribbing and I've not ever seen anyone offended for being not attracted to 3D.
>> No. 28681 [Edit]
You're not a good person for doubting them in the first place.
>The work probably felt like play to them, and it was probably fairly effortless, but to a person of a different disposition they wouldn't even know where to start.
That's precisely what there is to be most resentful about. All work is drudgery.
I don't know what he's talking about. I watched a pro-loli subreddit grow from a couple thousand to the tens of thousands while still managing to fly under the radar and not be banned.
>> No. 28725 [Edit]
This word for word including age.

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26783 No. 26783 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
Do you have a sex doll, or have you thought about getting one?
Or maybe a non-sexual, but still life~sized doll?

Does cuddling with them or just having them around help dispel loneliness?
Is it more satisfying to have "sex" with the doll than just masturbating with your hands?

I always thought they're really creepy, but now there are some anime-inspired ones that basically look like oversized figurines.

The only thing holding me back from buying one right now is that I imagine it must be a lot of work to clean them.
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>> No. 28449 [Edit]
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Aotume look really nice, and I'm so tempted to get one, but I can't get over the proportions being so weird. normal cloths just won't fit them it seems.
I guess they do this so it looks more in line with an anime character?
Just look how big and baggy these cloths are.
>> No. 28450 [Edit]
I'm also interested in getting one. From what I can tell, you can put the head on another body, if you don't like the ones they have. I don't know for certain though, as I don't have any experience with this myself.
I think a big thing is, they're pretty small going by listed measurements.
>> No. 28451 [Edit]
Different heads from the same maker seem to be perfectly interchangeable, but from one brand to another I can't say for sure. From what I can tell, I 'think' most of not all major brands use the same size connectors for heads, but I could be wrong. You'd need to keep different skin tones in mind anyway, they might not match.
I've considered the idea of getting a 2D style head to match with a body that might have more realistic proportions, which would need to be from different brands because it seems like the brands that do 2D heads also do funky body types. But trying to use parts from different brands together might not match well.

Like you said, I don't get why they're all so small. Even the ones with D cups that are meant to be fully grown adults don't tend to be over 155 cm.
These dolls all look bigger than they really are. It's like you'd need to buy kids cloths even for the 'adult' dolls, but would those even fit with the proportions that they have? Kids cloths wouldn't be made with huge chests in mind right? The whole thing seems weird.
I don't know if I want to take a random chance and drop $3000 to find out.
Then again, looking at this, seems like buyers aren't having much trouble.

Post edited on 22nd Sep 2023, 1:39am
>> No. 28678 [Edit]
There's this Facebook page that does cloth anime dolls, and I enjoy seeing what they have pop up. I just feel like they're too impractical and not really in the realm of possibility for me. Sometimes I look up anime robots. I also found a gal on Reddit who does 3D printed BJDs. I'm not interested in sex dolls though I wanted to buy an anime sex doll head once just because.

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23463 No. 23463 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
Is this the only anime/weeb community left that hasn't been over run by children?
Every time I find a new one to join it's the same thing, retarded teenagers who wont shut up about school or spoiled rich kids and their college crap. It's all "dur hur I'm gonna be a doctor I'm gonna be a laywer" fuck you. I feel so fucking old lately and this shit doesn't help one bit. It's just so ackward being in these servers/channels with kids that are half my age. Not that it's uncommon here either. Where the fuck are all the 30+ weebs? Do they just kill themselves when they hit 30 or do they turn into normal fags and quit the internet? What the fuck man.
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>> No. 28067 [Edit]
I'm almost 35yo, I tried use Discord multiple time, stopped using that shit for good now because that "discord app" is just shameless spyware, and now, is explicit shameless spyware.
They change they privacy policies, now, they are 100% explicit about what they do with our data.

I will use IRC until the last day of my life.
>> No. 28464 [Edit]
I'm 42, autistic. Remember watching Buffy the Vampire and wondering if that was normal life. Re watched it recently and enjoy it more and I'm more at peace with myself. I have a pet Kestrel which keeps me and is too long-lived for me to take myself out anytime soon. Blessed be honestly.
>> No. 28636 [Edit]
I mean you must have been exposed to it by your aprents or whatever, I hated showing anything to my parents and only when I realised i could use headphones did i try anything other than video games
>> No. 28649 [Edit]
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Nice necro. I had older college-aged relatives who were into anime when I was a kid and I was always curious about it. My mother sometimes made mocking comments about them (liking those 'Chinese cartoons' or whatever), which made me self-conscious about liking it at that age. I could say more things about both of my parents, but I'll just mention that I wouldn't mind them dying even if it means I'd have to stop being a hiki and get a shitty job.

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28183 No. 28183 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
why this website is so slow, can't you post more? I feel so ronery
10 posts and 1 image omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 28620 [Edit]
i'm always really anxious posting to imagebaords. i always feel like i'm being obnoxious or not adding anything of value.
doesn't help that whenever i post to other imageboards, there's like a 50/50 chance of someone getting weirdly passive aggressive or angry for no particular reason.
it makes me feel a bit less ronery that other people in the thread have this same dilemma, though.
>> No. 28622 [Edit]
Every post you make has value, don't tell yourself otherwise.
>> No. 28623 [Edit]
If your post is longer than 8 words, it probably has sufficient value. Liberal use of sage can also help, if you want to reply on a post but don't feel like you have adding anything substantial enough.

(But I guess the implicit flipside of this is that a 4 word response and an unrelated image probably doesn't contribute much, so might be worth thinking twice before posting (unless the thread is explicitly an image-dump thread). Doub;y so if you're also bumping a years-old post.)
>> No. 28640 [Edit]
Chances are that on faster imageboards, your post will mostly be lost in the crowd, and chances are that on slower ones, your post will be appreciated, because it's something new to read.

Consider that before you think twice about not posting.

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