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23463 No. 23463 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
Is this the only anime/weeb community left that hasn't been over run by children?
Every time I find a new one to join it's the same thing, retarded teenagers who wont shut up about school or spoiled rich kids and their college crap. It's all "dur hur I'm gonna be a doctor I'm gonna be a laywer" fuck you. I feel so fucking old lately and this shit doesn't help one bit. It's just so ackward being in these servers/channels with kids that are half my age. Not that it's uncommon here either. Where the fuck are all the 30+ weebs? Do they just kill themselves when they hit 30 or do they turn into normal fags and quit the internet? What the fuck man.
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>> No. 25461 [Edit]
>>25460
You can't count sleeping and all the shit you need to do for work outside your work schedule.
I spend two hours everyday to go to work, plus the time I need to get ready, clean my uniform, shave, etc. That's not "free time" that's time I indirectly give to my employer. My complain is how much of our living time (and energy) we need to give to someone else just to have a minimum income to be able to rent a room, eat and pay the bills.
I also spent years working 12 hours per day and seven days per week, that was living hell but somehow it doesn't make me much more happy about an average working schedule.
>> No. 25462 [Edit]
>>25458
Yeah, as I started work full-time it becomes harder to really care that much about hobbies from video games to just anime -- there's not as much time to appreciate the better things in life when you snap in and out of a crappy looping routine that gets greyer and greyer. Memories of a life with more emotions fade into dust.
>> No. 25463 [Edit]
>>25458
>>25459
>>25462
Yes, it's all terrible. I'm in a part-time position and still feel it takes way too much of my energy. Here's a funny thing I tried to do a while back. I noticed that the very fist activity I do in the day is the one I can put most of my energy in, so for a couple of weeks, instead of having working as my very first activity, I rescheduled my life and began waking up at around 11pm, doing all the stuff I wanted to do and go to work at 7am as usual, thus effectively making work the very last activity of my day.
By the end of the first week I was so utterly destroyed I had to switch back, but it was an interesting experience, specially how much you start not giving a fuck when you're tired at work. Really not caring at all, to the point I was afraid to get fired.
>> No. 25464 [Edit]
Worker drone problems on a NEET board.

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25452 No. 25452 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I've been having severe sleeping issues, recently, totaling over a hundred hours without any real sleep. It got severe after Friday evening, when I got the worst panic attack of my life where I was pretty much certain that I was going to die from suffocation from Corona-chan (I didn't have it but I thought so), so my mom had to call the emergencies to help me. Thankfully, the ambulance was never sent as they realized I just had a panic attack and I got to talk with a really professional nurse, instead, who guided me on how to try to remain calm. Later in the night, I still thought I was going to die, though, and started confessing all sorts of things to my mom about my hobbies, like a death bed confession of sorts, to keep her from later shock... she took it all surprisingly well and isn't seemingly judging me at all for my perversions, even still, and it honestly feels good to finally know that it doesn't gross her out how I am. While I'm now better, I got a sort of burnt-out breakdown from it that I'm still recovering from, which is giving me a feeling of pressure inside of my head... I hope it will pass, soon, but apparently it tends to take some time for it to do so. Anyway, from Thursday to Monday, I only got about eight hours of sleep, and three of those hours were in the night to Thursday, so really just five, then. Incredibly, I didn't start getting hallucinations before very late, aside from a more "normal" one, after waking up from very brief sleep, where I was thinking our dog was crawling under a sofa (my bed was on the floor, near the sofa).

Earlier yesterday, before I finally got some good rest on Monday afternoon, I was hearing barely audible, almost demonically creepy trumpet-like music in my head. My mom was taking me to the hospital for the insomnia, but we got there too early as I had forgotten the time to be there. On the way home, I thought she had the radio on on a super low, barely audible volume, but she didn't. I kept hearing it when we got inside the house, too, but it was too low to actually hear the melody. Then briefly later, while washing my hands, I heard some man, very close to the right of me, in a low voice, laughing "heh-heh-heh-heh," maniacally. It literally gave me shivers.

Then the night leading to Monday, I had to go get painkillers fo
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>> No. 25453 [Edit]
>>25452
Jesus Christ.

I worked nighttime for years, I could spend weeks without a good sleep, and I never experienced anything even remotely like that. It was just a feeling of weirdness and sometimes confusing things from another ones.
>> No. 25454 [Edit]
Any idea what would cause such severe insomnia in the first place?
I've been having something similar but much less serious. Last few nights I've had rather bad sleep and getting some strange experiences: people approaching my bed quickly, mom walking in and saying really strange stuff("you'll panic when I close your your room's door shut"), aliens outside my window, and really bloody scenes. Like bad dreams or sleep paralysis but I'm not exactly paralyzed, some of these are straight up hallucinations. For example, I sleep with my cat on my bed. I feel she's moving in the middle of the night, I reach out to pet her so she'll calm down. She bites my finger, gets off my bed, I see her get out of my room and I hear her go downstairs. Alright, more room for my legs, so I stretch and I start seeing my poor cat stumbling awake wondering why I'm kicking her off my bed. I felt awake and had my eyes open during all of this minor incident, and felt the bite clearly.
I'm pretty aware of how horrifying this would be if it started happening during the day. Hope you get better OP
>> No. 25455 [Edit]
I've never purposely deprived myself of sleep for that long but I imagine it could potentially get that strange. It doesn't take long for me to tell my hallucinations apart from reality though sometimes auditory one's leave me confused. My most common one's are people suddenly and they're usually out of place and strange. Like one night I was downstairs doing something in the kitchen and some witch like woman starting walking towards me but when I notice and focus they go away in seconds. Another one was the other night in a store where I saw an old guy in a long grey trench coat and hat staring at a shelf but the same thing happened when I had a double take at it. Usually these people are normal looking but out of place. Other random things include black masses growing on things or small animals.

The auditory is slightly less frequent but just as realistic. Like before this on my pc here bored out of my mind cause I'm kinda sick and I even ironically got an ear infection hoping to resolve soon, I was resting my head micro napping and there was a bunch of small voices that sounded like tiny people I would say? IF tiny fairy's or gnomes could talk and imagine a bunch of them filling your ears at once and when you focus off again it's gone but when you tune in it gets louder. Can never make out what's being said. This usually happens when I'm trying to sleep but often I'll get random sounds around me that sound like people or a TV show on but there will be nothing and the other night the most realistic thing I heard in a while was someone very clearly laugh at me behind my door but no one was there.

I don't like these stressful times and especially losing part of one of senses for the time being because it only makes everything worse. I get the "what if I'm sick forever?" thoughts in my head and it's all downhill from there mentally. It's interesting cause I'm normally not a paranoid type but when I'm stuck in a certain state the feelings of impending doom and "something happened to me and this is hell" come and go like waves.
>> No. 25457 [Edit]
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25457
>>25452
Well, today I was doing much better. Yay~ I was planning on trying to start doing all sorts of new things to better my life, like finally starting to write the story of my future visual novel, as I no longer am even *able* to spend time reading depressive news, which in part caused this - my burnt-out condition is so severe that I start getting that pressuring sensation or ripples in my head, if I see or hear anything I see as really negative. I was imagining how me and my mom would soon start fixing everything up on the upper floor, so I finally could move from my apartment that I hate, back to my mom (and dad) and our wonderful dog that I absolutely love. All sorts of positive emotions came to my mind, in the morning, which my dad witnessed and seemed to be happy about.

Come the evening, I'm making a large cup of tea to drink before me and my mom go to walk our dog, together. After finishing it, I soon sit down in the livingroom to sip on a calming cup of Earl Grey Green, which also will improve my health, both against the minor tonsilitis and against eventual contraction of SARS-CoV-2. So my mom also comes there and sits down, while I keep slowly sipping. The time only is briefly after seven in the evening. I take my time, as drinking slowly increases the experience of tea and also doesn't shock you with caffeine. After a while, my drunkard dad starts nagging about how our dog needs to go out (me and my mom usually walk her in the evening). I say I'll just finish my tea and then we'll go. She again whimpers a bit, as indeed was waiting for us to go (this is normal), so less than a minute later, he sternly says he will go if we don't. I reply that we will very soon go, in a calm and collected manner (I really wanted to go as a nurse and a doctor both said I need to go outside to collect my thought or such and get fresh air, and I like going in the evening, also), and my mom also said we will go after I finish drinking the tea. A second later, he literally shouts "THAT'S NOT IT, SHE WILL GO OUT NOW!!!" So I quickly pour down all of the tea (six decilitres left) in fifteen seconds and in a calm manner tell my mom, "Alright, let's go."
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25423 No. 25423 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Where have you tried looking for answers before regarding the desires which make you miserable? No matter how hard you look online or in real life or in your head, there's no permanent consolation, no real answer for those questions, at least as far as I know. I've tried time and time again periodically to find evidence that total acceptance of me from someone is a real possibility, and every time I came out of it with nothing. I never expect to find anything and i'm not suprised when I don't, but a feeling of dissatisfaction grows inside of me time and time again that eventually forces me to look despite all the things I know telling me it's pointless.

Post edited on 24th Mar 2020, 7:54pm
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>> No. 25447 [Edit]
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25447
>>25446
Tiny child who came out of a plant is another one. Thumbelina, The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter, Momotaro.
>> No. 25448 [Edit]
>>25445
I wasn't thinking about structure, I don't know enough about film theory to notice that.
It's something more obvious. There's always a man who goes from a lower point to an high one. Then he meets his hubris; depending on the movie, sometimes he gets destroyed by it, or redeems himself before that. He always mets a woman and starts a family, the woman always acts the same way (probably quite realistic though) and at some point it will get in conflict with the protagonist, because 1)economic reasons 2)not spending enough time with family/doing dangerous work or lifestyle for family. And she will abandon him and take the kids with her. There's also some rare variants without children or with children dying, but with similar results.
Just think all the (good or even great) movies with those elements, movies that can be completely different in setting and themes.
Think about Goodfellas, Amadeus, Scarface, The Lord of War, Barry Lindon, it's all there and that's just thinking about really good movies.
>> No. 25449 [Edit]
>>25445
It's also easier/safer to stick with a known structure than to risk something novel.
>> No. 25456 [Edit]
The only consolation I can give myself is that there might be a path to power that can physically and metaphysically re-write reality.

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25236 No. 25236 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How would you like the world to be? If the world could be changed completely, what would one in which you were happy look like?

Rule: It can't be 2d; the fundamental construction of the universe has to stay the same. You can remove your knowledge of 2d if necessary.
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>> No. 25420 [Edit]
>It can't be 2d
>the fundamental construction of the universe has to stay the same
nonexistant and if that can't be let me become nothing myself leave me out of it sadistic bastards
>> No. 25421 [Edit]
A world where there are no illnesses.
A world where intelligence dominates. Greater literature, like Nabokov, is mandatory. No place for platitudes - such rooms of blankness are replaced by memories. No set phrases, no emojis, but original codes of beauty.
A world where little girls do not grow up.

There isn't much to improve. The century doesn't matter much, people in power have all the capabilities to act upon their desires. Everything is in decay, and art captures the moment of immortality.
>> No. 25422 [Edit]
A world where I'm the only person, not necessarily everyone is me physically but mentally I mean. Nothing would get done but I would be happy by myself
>> No. 25451 [Edit]
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25451
A world where I can progress, not limited by physical health issues nor mental health issues.

If I could continue surpassing myself day after day, with close loving friends and moreorless a set script for life rather than the confusing nothingness adulthood feels like.

I used to think people were either 'good' or 'bad' at things, but the weight that I could've been good on a different path, rather than a complete failure disaster hurts.

It really feels like straying off a different path makes me further distanced from society on the normal path. A different path would be fine if I had the talents to be independent.

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23024 No. 23024 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
Last one is on bump limit.
Post Cute Anime Girls Every Time you Think About Killing Yourself v2
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>> No. 25320 [Edit]
>>25319
>training skills that deteriorate
Are there any skills which don't deteriorate with lack of use? Even if you pick up something really specific, like making bird houses, and you get so comfortable with it that there's no challenge what so ever and you don't have to worry about practice, and there isn't much room for improvement, wont that just get boring eventually?
>> No. 25335 [Edit]
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25335
I am just so weak and vulnerable right now. I always maintain a strong attitude of either a tough guy who can handle the world or a nihilist who don't care what happens in his life. But right now I can't maintain either persona. I am just so sad.
>> No. 25336 [Edit]
>>25335
hang in there
>> No. 25450 [Edit]
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25450
slowly, slowly, slowly distancing and isolating myself. i hardly even post anywhere but here anymore, either i dont want to or cant find the effort. nothing seems to satisfy anymore, i can feel my enthusiasm for things previously liked dying. ive been trying to become more stoic for a while now so i can cut myself off from everything i dont like, but it seems in the process that ive cut myself off from everything i like as well. the few things that keep me together are probably lurking here, an internet friend i made who i email every so often, and thinking of my waifu

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25385 No. 25385 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How do different times of day, seasons and weather affect your mood? When spring comes around, and it gets warmer outside, I feel more alive. All of my emotions become more pronounced. This is a double-edged sword. When I'm happy, I feel it much more, and when I am not, that is also much stronger. When it's warm outside, I feel like I have to do something, like there's got to be something to look forward to. Never actually happens though.

I love early morning the most because it makes me optimistic. Sunsets are depressing as hell because the day is ending and I never feel like I got enough out of it. By the time it's night though, that sense of unfulfillment is gone and I feel just fine. Rain and clouds are nice in their own way because everything feels the same the entire day.

Post edited on 14th Mar 2020, 2:57pm
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>> No. 25409 [Edit]
>>25405
Autumn is just full of wind, rain, and thunder, and full of unnecessary pressure of trying not to have the umbrella broken by the winds, it is nerve-racking. I associate freshness mostly with winter. What could be purer than snow? In spring and summer I sweat a lot, it just feels overheated, like the sun drying out every living thing on earth. Ideally I flee into the cold water of the river, and that's the climax of summer for me, other than mango-kiwi ice cream and cold drinks. Maybe I'm a bit biassed due to being allergic to the blooming of spring, sneezing and head cold take great parts of the enthusiasm for spring, which otherwise possibly would be there, away; "intoxicating" is indeed the right term for it. I try to hide my skin away from the sun, always wearing long sleeves, and accessories as sunglasses and hat, it makes me sweat even more; after I sweat a lot going outside, the sweat stain on my back has the form of a butterfly! The other thing making winter so attractive to me is the fact, that it is the season of physical needs, summer feels just excessive to me in every form, full of energy, I almost get envious of the ones blooming in energy, but winter is truly the calmest season where nature has stopped acting, a great time for nostalgia, a great time for thinking over beauty(of pictures of an other world, which are of shining characters in spring and summer).
>> No. 25416 [Edit]
>>25405
I enjoy mid spring the most when temperatures have started noticabely getting better and I don't even need my large hoody anymore. But I also like the peak of the Summer cause I can endure and it keeps most people inside. But I can also appreciate the depths of Winter because how quiet it is allows for a lot growth and reflection. The cold air has something like a spiritually humbling effect.
>> No. 25419 [Edit]
I quite prefer Autumn, Winter, and early Spring over Summer. In my region there isn't a large difference in climate between the three aforementioned seasons (there tends to be more intra-seasonal variation than inter-seasonal anyhow), and so they all generally tend to cool days that culminate in sharp, crisp nightfall. I generally prefer wintry weather (so long as it doesn't get too bitter, which it never does here) since there tend to be fewer people out and about and the tranquil atmosphere is calming. Moderate rain is even better – so long as one is sheltered indoors – as observing the rhythmic pink noise of rainfall and bellowing of the wind puts one in a pensive mood, where you're almost humbled by the ephemerality of your natural surroundings (as >>25416 alluded to).
>> No. 25427 [Edit]
I enjoy fall and winter far more than spring and summer. Summer at least has some things going for it and the heat can be enjoyable sometimes, but spring in general I don't really like. The latter half of the year is the better half. I think the best part about spring is that walking around at night is more pleasant than it would be in the winter.

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25323 No. 25323 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Post random things you remember. Little things that left an impression on you.

I was driving with my mom somewhere around the time I was in middle school. It was a long ride. I summarised the plots of eva and saya no uta to her. She seemed bored and a little put-off, but I think she was listening. Then she started talking about how Japanese people have a genetic propensity for cruelness which explained why they would make such things. I thought it was an interesting theory.
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>> No. 25400 [Edit]
>>25399
Actually pretty cute
>> No. 25401 [Edit]
>>25400
It was even more confusing for the others because English isn't the main language here.
>> No. 25407 [Edit]
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25407
One year, we were playing bingo in health class with prizes. The first 5 people to get a row got a little bag full of candy, and the first person to fill out their entire board got a mystery prize. The game ended and everybody who didn't win either got some candy bar. I got the grand prize, a large bag with something inside of it. I was a little happy about it. I got home and opened it up. The only thing inside were some pretzels, a few stickers, and a pencil.
>> No. 25418 [Edit]
A few years ago I started going to the gym a lot, monitoring my diet and doing my best to get into shape. I was really tired of being small and weak and pathetic. Somebody asked me why I spend so much time at the gym and I told them “because I want to be the best”. They told me “but you’ll never be the best so why bother”. Disappointed that I didn’t realize in the moment how awful that person was and kept talking to them for a few months, but the interaction stuck with me

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25362 No. 25362 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Hey /so/. It's been almost 4 years since I've been out of high school and I've been apart of the "underground" internet culture since 2012 and I've been coming here since mid 2015. I moved out of my parent's in June of 2018. Since then I've refused to pay for TV or internet so the only internet I've had is public wifi and the 2 G's I get on my phone every month. Since then I've dabbled in psychedelics and have been eating a sandwich almost daily. I've been having weird dreams of being in school again. I feel like I miss being around people my age and there's not many young people where I work. Is this what true loneliness feels like? I still feel young but how fast technology has moved over the last half decade has made me feel disconnected from younger people. I really do think I'm just getting old and disassociated from society. I have no idea where this is going, just a few thoughts I wanted to share with TC.

Post edited on 8th Mar 2020, 4:05pm
5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25370 [Edit]
nope, doesnt look like it
Haruhi
>> No. 25371 [Edit]
>>25370
You Aren't thinking of the one that turns g0d into Haruhi are you?
>> No. 25392 [Edit]
damn it. i thought it was the other way around

i am not smart
>> No. 25417 [Edit]
>>25367
>I tried editing the post, seems to be a word filter for the herb
First filter I like.
By the way, I get what you're saying, those dreams I mentioned before have those same qualities as well, and I have also came up with similar explanations for the phenomena.

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24601 No. 24601 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
What happened to all the people who used to inhabit imageboards ~10 years ago? Given how poor the quality of most are now, I find it hard to believe that they are still active in those same places. Did they simply accept the inevitability of change and abandon imageboards for good? (While I find it hard to believe that they'd switch to something like Facebook, it's not unprobable that many just joined discord groups, also simultaneously resulting in the gradual decline of irc). Are they still there in small numbers but just drowned out by the influx of newcomers and low-quality posts? Did they escape to some uber-secret sanctuary?

The recent 8ch exodus led me to browse some of their various spinoff boards; I thought that at least one might recapture the same spirit of old but unfortunately none really come close. Tohno-chan is still perhaps the only place I've found where where post quality remains relatively high and discussion is thoughtful.
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>> No. 25308 [Edit]
I ditched 4chan when memes and 4chan stuff started becoming mainstream and exploding all over mainstream sites like reddit and stuff. 2010 or 2011 I think.

I remember being a shy, introverted, friendless loser nobody in middle/highschool. As the 2010s came into fruition I realized that I was foolish to build my identity around anime, video games, internet forums, as I saw all of these things beginning to get the Big Bang Theory treatment, as they have today.

I started browsing 4chan/ED etc in 2007, I was never an SA goon or a cool guy like a pirate/cracker/hacker but I hit the 10+ mark.

I even browsed PSL forums and have day 1 accounts the incels.co forums, I became disillusioned with that also.

All I can say is that I am just a ghost, a zombie of a man. True virgin, loner, creep, friendless, jobless, alcoholic, nobody. If Im some rare breed of internet veteran no-lifers, my suicide is overdue by a long shot.
>> No. 25322 [Edit]
>>25308
Yeah I remember it was 2011 too when something about the internet altogether started shifting for the worst. 2012 was meh and then it all just tanked from there as the internet started catering less overall to desktop users and more to the internet of things smart zombies, now we're left with this dystopian shell of an internet with a lot more content but a lot less human.

Before that though I realize I didn't even have much of an identity. I had a nickname I went by for a longer time than I do now but I was always on the sidelines cause I didn't have much to draw from especially back then. I wish to do it again sometimes and this time though I was born to be a screw up anyways not be quite as much as one with a second chance. I'm going to wake up tomorrow, it'll be the first day of school again , all this was just some weird nightmare, and I'll have what I learned from it to try again with.
>> No. 25372 [Edit]
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25372
>>25308
>All I can say is that I am just a ghost, a zombie of a man. True virgin, loner, creep, friendless, jobless, alcoholic, nobody. If Im some rare breed of internet veteran no-lifers, my suicide is overdue by a long shot.
I honestly cant help but feel this is where I am to head no matter what I do. More so a life without any real drive, self-pride, or aspirations than one resentful of social alienation. If I do reach this point, I honestly cant really forsee a positive outcome. I would no longer be able to use forums, IBs, whatever to get rid of that essential social interaction itch, since I might as well be in another galaxy in terms of age and/or experiences with posters.

If whatever reason I finally decide to make full-fledged effort to make my life worthwhile, it would be very difficult to do so soo late, since thoughts of diminishing returns would dampen any progress I make if I dont manage to develop a paradigm shift I can believe in(and for WHAT at that point). It is an excruciating "future" to think about.
>>24822
Took me a lot longer than it should have to think of a response for this but really, I am just not feeling it. I dont know.
>>24825
I still think its funny how shitposts from raiders would be left for up to several days(weeks a few times) yet something like all 6 of us regulars would often collectively ignore them until modmin finally showed up or decided to delete them.

To be honest, there were times on magicchan I was paranoid whether modmin was really someone to trust. He would show up very rarely and usually when he was discussed or directly referred. I just wondered what the point in investing time & money hosting an imageboard was for a sole administrator who rarely posted anything not related to upkeep of the site. I am just glad I got to take part in that forum. Special thanks to the fellow stra
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>> No. 25374 [Edit]
I'm still here and check on my old haunts sometimes. I often feel guilty about not posting but I don't have the time or energy a lot, that happens as you get older or you just lose interest.

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25280 No. 25280 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
did you grow up poor
did you have an abusive childhood which led to you being fucked up
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>> No. 25296 [Edit]
>>25280
50k~ total for 3 person family. We were not too far from the poverty line but life wasn't too bad. I lived with my grandma and parents sent down money at times. State covered my insurance growing up. Plenty of food, never went hungry. Never got all the new games growing up but I got a lot of consoles and just waited till the games became used.

The worst part was not being poor, the worst part was having mentally ill toxic family members. Every single day there was some sort of screaming or verbal abuse. It got so bad, I had to go to the mental hospital because I threatened to kill myself. Family was not terrible but extremely toxic and hard to be around. To be honest, I had to learn about life in my latter teens from the internet. You know, how to budget, how to save, how not to get into debt, how to manage college. All from the internet. Sad really. My only guidance in life were people at worship or my uncles. Dad's mom (other grandma) was sweet too, along with my grandfather, but I didn't see them all the time. Too busy paying off debt.

I don't blame my family too much for the toxicity though. There was a lot of incestuous rape, killing, and violence in my family history.
>> No. 25330 [Edit]
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25330
Just the latter mainly, I had an abusive father, and my mother left over 20 years ago to follow her career/dreams. She didn't even come home for her parent's funeral, I was the one taking care of my grandparents until the end. I still talk to her, and she asks me for money at least once a year. Guess that career she left everything/everyone behind for hasn't worked out so well.
>> No. 25361 [Edit]
>>25289
what was the poor country you lived in for a while?
>> No. 25373 [Edit]
>>25361
A country in south America called Guatemala.

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25306 No. 25306 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I hate having to go outside. I don't want to be around people and exposed to the elements. I hate it out there. I regret even thinking I wanted to go out somewhere.
4 posts and 3 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25314 [Edit]
I don't like going out, but it is tolerable for me. Other people, especially strangers, make me very nervous, as if I expect them to try to harm me. I also feel like people spy on me from small cracks, behind closed doors, through walls, etc., which is unpleasant. As such, I like to spend time alone at home and make my outings infrequent, purpose-driven, and short. I'd spend all day everyday at home if I could.
>>25311
I hate how other people trash and wreck things as well. I don't mind things merely being old or deteriorated by time (e.g. old books, buildings that are otherwise well cared for), but litter, vandalism, and carelessness by people is disgusting to look at. Why is it so hard for normalfags to not make a mess?
>> No. 25321 [Edit]
>>25314
I avoid the busy times like the plague even though I like being outside in itself whether I'm buying groceries or cashing in cans/bottles like usual. I've gotten some negative attention and shitty situations because you can't avoid people not noticing you doing the same thing every day but only once did someone try to do just that. They got away with it too because no one cares when it's me it happens to in broad daylight at that and I let it go. Ruined the whole night and had to throw away all the clothes I had after.
>> No. 25358 [Edit]
>>25314
>I also feel like people spy on me from small cracks, behind closed doors, through walls, etc., which is unpleasant.
You might be developing schizophrenia
>> No. 25359 [Edit]
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25359
Same, yet I love when a shaft of sunlight manages to get past my curtains and shines some forgotten object on my table or the tiny floating specks of dust and for a second there the entire apartment feels really quiet and beautiful. I also like very much when the evening comes and I can hear people and their vehicles at a distance, all rushing back home under that orange glow the sky gets sometimes. I like to look on a sunday morning through my window and there's absolutely no one on the streets. The outside looks really cool when you're on the inside, well, protected and cozy.
When I have to go outside though it kind of sucks, yeah. I get this feeling I'm prepping to go to a danger zone (which it is for all I know) and I have this mental checkup of all things I'll need to survive the 15 minutes I'll be out to do the groceries. The outside feels huge and clumsy. I can go from one end of my apartment to the other in about 16 steps or so. That's just enough to cross the first street on the outside.
The worst part however is also the most interesting. Inside my apartment I'm in a state of undiluted concentration and I only fully realize that when I'm back from the outside. For example, recently I was at this store and I saw some girl with a bunch of cut scars all across both her arms. I've seen that plenty in pictures online but never irl before. That bothered me for weeks for some reason. I don't like having too much real stuff inside my head, I think that's the source of my dislike for the outside. I like the outside like a painting in front of my window, I like there are people on the outside that makes this isolated life I lead possible but to be part of it is pretty rough and I don't like it.
I think this is a very old feeling, isn't this feeling basically why monks exist in all cultures? I don't know.

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