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25452 No. 25452 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I've been having severe sleeping issues, recently, totaling over a hundred hours without any real sleep. It got severe after Friday evening, when I got the worst panic attack of my life where I was pretty much certain that I was going to die from suffocation from Corona-chan (I didn't have it but I thought so), so my mom had to call the emergencies to help me. Thankfully, the ambulance was never sent as they realized I just had a panic attack and I got to talk with a really professional nurse, instead, who guided me on how to try to remain calm. Later in the night, I still thought I was going to die, though, and started confessing all sorts of things to my mom about my hobbies, like a death bed confession of sorts, to keep her from later shock... she took it all surprisingly well and isn't seemingly judging me at all for my perversions, even still, and it honestly feels good to finally know that it doesn't gross her out how I am. While I'm now better, I got a sort of burnt-out breakdown from it that I'm still recovering from, which is giving me a feeling of pressure inside of my head... I hope it will pass, soon, but apparently it tends to take some time for it to do so. Anyway, from Thursday to Monday, I only got about eight hours of sleep, and three of those hours were in the night to Thursday, so really just five, then. Incredibly, I didn't start getting hallucinations before very late, aside from a more "normal" one, after waking up from very brief sleep, where I was thinking our dog was crawling under a sofa (my bed was on the floor, near the sofa).

Earlier yesterday, before I finally got some good rest on Monday afternoon, I was hearing barely audible, almost demonically creepy trumpet-like music in my head. My mom was taking me to the hospital for the insomnia, but we got there too early as I had forgotten the time to be there. On the way home, I thought she had the radio on on a super low, barely audible volume, but she didn't. I kept hearing it when we got inside the house, too, but it was too low to actually hear the melody. Then briefly later, while washing my hands, I heard some man, very close to the right of me, in a low voice, laughing "heh-heh-heh-heh," maniacally. It literally gave me shivers.

Then the night leading to Monday, I had to go get painkillers fo
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>> No. 25473 [Edit]
>>25472
Probably not.
Sounds similar to what I feel like and I haven't died yet. It appears to be mostly mental. Shit life syndrome.
>> No. 25474 [Edit]
>>25472
I'm having it too and I was absolutely terrified at the beginning when it started to show itself this year. It feels like my mind is associating sleep with death, which is the reason for me waking up after every two hours. Every dream ends with a shocking sound, a loud door slam, a waking word, a loud tone.
Lying on back is the most comfortable position.
Eating less doesn't help at all, the superfluous energy stays there for the auto-shock therapy.

The problem is deemed to be a mental condition.
>> No. 25475 [Edit]
>>25473
>>25474
Yes, I think it has to be the same thing you described, nightmares included. I will try lying back but I have never slept like that in my life, it feels weird.
There's something I don't get, I'm not particularly unhappy and just a few years ago I was a lot worse. Right now I'm enjoying the confinement of last month. I have less stress than ever, no doubt about that, then why it has to happen now?
>> No. 25476 [Edit]
I just started getting nightmares again this week. They are like re-experiencing certain experiences from many years ago. There was quite some time since I last had them, and I was even starting to think those would be past matters, what a thing. I don't feel anything in particular with regards to my body, just the nightmares themselves. I don't know whether the technical term would be bad dreams but whatever.

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25236 No. 25236 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How would you like the world to be? If the world could be changed completely, what would one in which you were happy look like?

Rule: It can't be 2d; the fundamental construction of the universe has to stay the same. You can remove your knowledge of 2d if necessary.
24 posts and 7 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25421 [Edit]
A world where there are no illnesses.
A world where intelligence dominates. Greater literature, like Nabokov, is mandatory. No place for platitudes - such rooms of blankness are replaced by memories. No set phrases, no emojis, but original codes of beauty.
A world where little girls do not grow up.

There isn't much to improve. The century doesn't matter much, people in power have all the capabilities to act upon their desires. Everything is in decay, and art captures the moment of immortality.
>> No. 25422 [Edit]
A world where I'm the only person, not necessarily everyone is me physically but mentally I mean. Nothing would get done but I would be happy by myself
>> No. 25451 [Edit]
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25451
A world where I can progress, not limited by physical health issues nor mental health issues.

If I could continue surpassing myself day after day, with close loving friends and moreorless a set script for life rather than the confusing nothingness adulthood feels like.

I used to think people were either 'good' or 'bad' at things, but the weight that I could've been good on a different path, rather than a complete failure disaster hurts.

It really feels like straying off a different path makes me further distanced from society on the normal path. A different path would be fine if I had the talents to be independent.
>> No. 25466 [Edit]
>>25451
Same

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25423 No. 25423 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Where have you tried looking for answers before regarding the desires which make you miserable? No matter how hard you look online or in real life or in your head, there's no permanent consolation, no real answer for those questions, at least as far as I know. I've tried time and time again periodically to find evidence that total acceptance of me from someone is a real possibility, and every time I came out of it with nothing. I never expect to find anything and i'm not suprised when I don't, but a feeling of dissatisfaction grows inside of me time and time again that eventually forces me to look despite all the things I know telling me it's pointless.

Post edited on 24th Mar 2020, 7:54pm
22 posts and 5 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25447 [Edit]
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25447
>>25446
Tiny child who came out of a plant is another one. Thumbelina, The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter, Momotaro.
>> No. 25448 [Edit]
>>25445
I wasn't thinking about structure, I don't know enough about film theory to notice that.
It's something more obvious. There's always a man who goes from a lower point to an high one. Then he meets his hubris; depending on the movie, sometimes he gets destroyed by it, or redeems himself before that. He always mets a woman and starts a family, the woman always acts the same way (probably quite realistic though) and at some point it will get in conflict with the protagonist, because 1)economic reasons 2)not spending enough time with family/doing dangerous work or lifestyle for family. And she will abandon him and take the kids with her. There's also some rare variants without children or with children dying, but with similar results.
Just think all the (good or even great) movies with those elements, movies that can be completely different in setting and themes.
Think about Goodfellas, Amadeus, Scarface, The Lord of War, Barry Lindon, it's all there and that's just thinking about really good movies.
>> No. 25449 [Edit]
>>25445
It's also easier/safer to stick with a known structure than to risk something novel.
>> No. 25456 [Edit]
The only consolation I can give myself is that there might be a path to power that can physically and metaphysically re-write reality.

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25306 No. 25306 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I hate having to go outside. I don't want to be around people and exposed to the elements. I hate it out there. I regret even thinking I wanted to go out somewhere.
4 posts and 3 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25314 [Edit]
I don't like going out, but it is tolerable for me. Other people, especially strangers, make me very nervous, as if I expect them to try to harm me. I also feel like people spy on me from small cracks, behind closed doors, through walls, etc., which is unpleasant. As such, I like to spend time alone at home and make my outings infrequent, purpose-driven, and short. I'd spend all day everyday at home if I could.
>>25311
I hate how other people trash and wreck things as well. I don't mind things merely being old or deteriorated by time (e.g. old books, buildings that are otherwise well cared for), but litter, vandalism, and carelessness by people is disgusting to look at. Why is it so hard for normalfags to not make a mess?
>> No. 25321 [Edit]
>>25314
I avoid the busy times like the plague even though I like being outside in itself whether I'm buying groceries or cashing in cans/bottles like usual. I've gotten some negative attention and shitty situations because you can't avoid people not noticing you doing the same thing every day but only once did someone try to do just that. They got away with it too because no one cares when it's me it happens to in broad daylight at that and I let it go. Ruined the whole night and had to throw away all the clothes I had after.
>> No. 25358 [Edit]
>>25314
>I also feel like people spy on me from small cracks, behind closed doors, through walls, etc., which is unpleasant.
You might be developing schizophrenia
>> No. 25359 [Edit]
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25359
Same, yet I love when a shaft of sunlight manages to get past my curtains and shines some forgotten object on my table or the tiny floating specks of dust and for a second there the entire apartment feels really quiet and beautiful. I also like very much when the evening comes and I can hear people and their vehicles at a distance, all rushing back home under that orange glow the sky gets sometimes. I like to look on a sunday morning through my window and there's absolutely no one on the streets. The outside looks really cool when you're on the inside, well, protected and cozy.
When I have to go outside though it kind of sucks, yeah. I get this feeling I'm prepping to go to a danger zone (which it is for all I know) and I have this mental checkup of all things I'll need to survive the 15 minutes I'll be out to do the groceries. The outside feels huge and clumsy. I can go from one end of my apartment to the other in about 16 steps or so. That's just enough to cross the first street on the outside.
The worst part however is also the most interesting. Inside my apartment I'm in a state of undiluted concentration and I only fully realize that when I'm back from the outside. For example, recently I was at this store and I saw some girl with a bunch of cut scars all across both her arms. I've seen that plenty in pictures online but never irl before. That bothered me for weeks for some reason. I don't like having too much real stuff inside my head, I think that's the source of my dislike for the outside. I like the outside like a painting in front of my window, I like there are people on the outside that makes this isolated life I lead possible but to be part of it is pretty rough and I don't like it.
I think this is a very old feeling, isn't this feeling basically why monks exist in all cultures? I don't know.

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23927 No. 23927 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
Enough pessimism! Share some stuff you're happy or thankful for in your life! Or just talk about something good that happened recently!
52 posts and 12 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25269 [Edit]
>>25260
Probably shouldn't post this in the optimism thread but my dad isn't as lucky.
>> No. 25272 [Edit]
>>25269
Just use all the time you have left and spend it together. Don't miss the chance if there's anything you needed to talk with him about, but never did. Nothing left to do but to try to be close and support each other. Makes it easier both for those who die and those who live afterwards.
>> No. 25273 [Edit]
>>25272
It's a little too late, he's in a semi-conscious state. His condition deteriorated rapidly and suddenly, nobody suspected anything and he was just fine until not too long ago. We have a dysfunctional relationship and I've been estranged to him but it's funny how your feelings could play out at times like this. I'm trying to make the best of what little time there is but I try to avoid my honest feelings since there is quite a bit of bitterness, I'm just trying to put him at ease as much as I can. There's so much mixed feelings in me that I can't comprehend. Thank you for your reply though, it helps me feel a little more at ease.
>> No. 25302 [Edit]
>>25265

The doctors say that she needs more exams in two months, but I fear that she will need go through a surgery. As for myself, I'm quite anxious because, I will go to a cram school the entire year so I can prepare myself to college admittance exams. I need study a lot of math to pass on it and I'm horrible with math, I'm anxious, and I think I need study at least 5 hours a day after the cram school so I can get a good score.
I'm still worried about mom. I can't lose her now since I'm not prepared financially and emotionally to lose here right now.

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23723 No. 23723 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Did anyone else have a sort of normal life and then spiral into NEETdom and so on?

I was living fairly well, had lots of friends, even had a few 3DPDs. Then crippling depression and anxiety kicked in during my first year of college and you know the rest.

Refrain from mentioned your disgusting 3DPD love-life, nobody cares.
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>> No. 25293 [Edit]
>>24072

This is me, I've improved even further.

However, I suddenly had a loss of motivation and despite being really happy mentally I couldn't focus while studying.

After this I had a bit of a breakdown and am still in a really depressive phase, the most insane thing aboout success is how the standards keep rising higher and higher.

I don't know if this is just me but I feel I'm always wanting more. However, I think I'm internally broken from my parents arguing during my childhood and me locking myself in my room for all of high school moreorless.

I felt SO close to a true victory of happiness! I guess my latent introversion denies me.
>> No. 25979 [Edit]
This thread sucks and is one of the worst on tohno-chan. It doesn't matter how hard somebody had it in life or whatever. It doesn't matter. Normalcattle are different in their dominant priorities and mentality. The anon here who spewed something about empathy even expressed that difference without realizing it. I hope that person has left since 2018. The lives and opinions of normalcattle only matter as much as they interfere with your passions.

Post edited on 13th Oct 2020, 3:13pm
>> No. 25980 [Edit]
>>25979
The hate is strong with this one.
>> No. 25981 [Edit]
>>25980
Yeah I'm full of hate. Posts like this >>23732 are disturbing to me. At least they probably left.

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22527 No. 22527 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you think you might be cursed in some form or another? If so, in what way?
23 posts and 5 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 24372 [Edit]
>>23573
Update: I definitely wonder sometimes if I have a mild haunting that makes me unusually unlucky. People always point out to me how things only break or weird things happen when I’m around, or just flat out tell me that I’m unusually unlucky. I’m not sure if it’s karma, or there really is a god that’s punishing me, or if it’s all in my head. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking of turning towards religion, because I lack direction or really anything of substance in my life.
>> No. 24373 [Edit]
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24373
It is hard to explain without going into a lot of cumbersome specific details, but I believe that the world is constantly trying to undermine my happiness in life. I think the motivation is that the powers that be are afraid of my growing magical powers (read: inordinately good fortune). As such, I view a lot of things as a struggle between the world and me. Unlike >>22529, I don't think good fortune and bad fortune necessarily have to reach a balance; one can dominate, but it is an ongoing struggle between the two.
If anyone's interested, I think that detaching my mind from the physical world through appreciation of ideas and artificial constructions fuels my magic, whereas getting bogged down in worldly bullshit weakens me.
>> No. 24385 [Edit]
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24385
>>24373
Oddly enough, I've reached a similar thought process. To add to that, I think "the world", as an entity, is an enemy to individuals, but especially those who recognize it.
>> No. 25292 [Edit]
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25292
>>24016
Small update:

I was genuinely happy between the months of September-Mid January. I woke up every day motivated thinking things are gonna go great.

I imagine that's how regular people feel. However, for some reason I has a massive anxiety attack over future careers, started comparing myself to others and moreorless had a breakdown and now have been very depressed for over a month.

I achieved happiness! But of course, for no apparent reason I decided my life must be super amazing awesome beyond happiness, only to falter and breakdown due to feeling no stress towards my exams, nor any motivation.

I've thought about dying every day again reeeeeeeeeeeee

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25201 No. 25201 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I remember posting here when i was a 20 year old NEET. Feels like a lifetime ago. Remember Railgun? That was back in 2009 wow. Can you believe that? The new season started last week and the girls haven't aged A DAY.... while I'm 11 years older, balding and so fucking ugly. I can hardly recognize the abomination staring back at me when I look at the mirror. Back then I thought I'd never get a job and that I'd die a virgin. But I got really lucky and it all worked out I guess (I still hate women though)
18 posts and 4 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25276 [Edit]
>>25274
>I think the non-ephemeral nature of Discord (combined with profile pictures and ability to post inline images) worsens this issue.
I was going to post something to this effect too. There are those who bemoan IRC's transience and lack of rich media features, but these are features. (Less is more!) After all, chatting with someone isn't supposed to come with a history other than memories. If one needs some form of permanence, images, profile pictures, or whatever else, use a damn forum. And somewhat related, fuck Github and the whole social-coding-media faggotry.
>> No. 25277 [Edit]
>>25276
What's wrong with Github? I sometimes get nice programs or mods from there, so it seems alright to me.
>> No. 25278 [Edit]
>>25277
Not that anon, but Github is alright as just a place to dump code I suppose; it's their push to make things more "social" that's less then stellar. Though this is really subgroup dependent; wading into the "issues" section of a webdev repo is usually a minefield, and I'm pretty sure that's what led to all this "code of conduct" nonsense. From a technical side it's probably adequate, although their PR system is atrocious and their search is complete garbage.
>> No. 25279 [Edit]
>>25278
Eugh, I had no idea. I just used github as a platform for collecting and uploading light programs.

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24553 No. 24553 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Hello. I am 15 years old, and I saw no specific rules about not being able to post if you are under 18?
Hopefully I am allowed to post.
Now saying that I may frustate some of you (and for good reason), however I will say that I will not post anything outside of this thread, and I will try to be respectful, and here are some things about myself.
-I don't have any friends, in real life or online.
-Almost all of my time outside of school, and not sleeping I have been on this world wide web, (since I was 3, my mom put me on a preschool website and just let me wander)
-Anime wise, I don't actually have that many under my belt, because i'm scared of watching a bad one, but I very much love anime and Japanese content. Some animes that I have liked are, A Place Farther than the Universe, Welcome to the NHK, Non Non Biyori, and The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
-I'm unable to speak to anyone besides my family in real life because of how shy I am
-I'm autistic
-I don't have any dreams for the future, or willpower to be able to do anything.
-I don't have/use any social media, or a phone
-I am very much interested in the old internet, being of my age I have only experienced a little of only well, 2007ish internet, and I can not remember much of my experiences around that time besides a handful. I browse archives of old websites, and look at old dead forums a lot, encyclopedia dramatica articles about internet events that have long been forgotten and I very much like these small website communities, where if you don't know where to look you will never find them. I don't very much like most of this 2019 internet, as I feel a lot of it's fun and soul have been taken away.
I like the people on here, and I would like to learn about things from you. I know generally older people are smarter than younger people. I personally would love to tell my 8 year old self a lot of things. If anyone can tell me about there experiences, or just general knowledge, about otaku culture, the old internet, or anything really I will be very grateful.
34 posts and 1 image omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25259 [Edit]
>>24568
http://www.websdr.org/
If you have a passing interest in ham radio try this site anon.

Post edited on 5th Feb 2020, 6:21pm
>> No. 25488 [Edit]
I hate stupid attention fag no one cares about your life history
>> No. 25489 [Edit]
>>25488
I care. I also want to post my story and have someone care about it.
>> No. 25490 [Edit]
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25490
>>25489
>I also want to post my story
Please go ahead. I wanna slurp up some genuine, unique tasting sadness.

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24886 No. 24886 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
You're all cute. You're all adorable. It's not your appearance that makes you adorable, it's your being. Who you are. Just a friendly reminder, I believe everyone on this chan is adorable. Your being and your existence is something to be loved and adored, and I do! I love you guys! Please don't be sad anon, you deserve to be loved, be happy and live a good life. Forget what the normies define as 'good', do what makes you the happiest. That's what makes you so cute, adorable and lovely. I love you all! ☆ ~('▽^人)
20 posts and 5 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25067 [Edit]
merry christmas!! It's great to see everyone in the christmas spirit! I can feel the love and joy from all of you!
>> No. 25068 [Edit]
>>25066
>a board you profess to dislike
I already said there's threads on /so/ I like.
>a topic you express distaste for
I have no problem with talking about Christmas.
>things out of your control
If I tell them off, they might not make a thread like that again.
>> No. 25211 [Edit]
>>25067
That was unexpected and funny considering the posts above, gave me a good laugh. Thank you and for the wishes too.
>> No. 25212 [Edit]
>>25211
Thanks! It's exactly what I was going for.

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25035 No. 25035 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I fucking hate christmas. I always did and unless some kind of stupid miracle happens I always will. I always got forced to celebrate it when I just wanted to sleep and wait for it to be over. I always had to hang out with my family when I was a kid and they would be loud as fuck and probably drunk acting like life isn't shit. It's all smiles for everyone everywhere but me. Every year I would just want to be fucking dead and it never happened, just waking up to another morning. We don't even get snow here, just ice. It's cold and fucking lonely for me while normies everywhere else get to have the time of their lives just because they do. They get everything they want, every minute of every day or every year. Not me, never me. I'm fucking stuck and I hate it. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up, that's my holly jolly christmas wish. I don't even want to be happy, I just want to quit. But christmas is like some kind of specially tailored reminder of how fucking miserable I am. I hate this holiday and new years is stupid.
14 posts and 2 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25170 [Edit]
>>25167
Just lie and say it was with family. You ate dinner at home or a restaurant, it's a tradition. No one will question it.
>> No. 25172 [Edit]
>>25167
Or tell the truth. Nobody would (should) care.
>> No. 25199 [Edit]
>>25167
Has anyone tried deliberately lying, just for the fun of making up crazy storylines? Not in New Year's but in those kinds of situations.
I always tell the truth but then these people keep asking me for reasons and reasons and pissing me off, I am seriously considering making up a pretend 3DPD just for kicks.
>> No. 25200 [Edit]
>>25199
I'm bad enough at keeping normal conversation, so trying to construct a coherent lie on the fly would end in spectacular failure. And then I'd be in a worse situation.

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