>>28244
>most things you do are trying to ward off discontent, or distracting yourself so you don't notice inherent bleakness
I've had similar thoughts many times, but part of me wonders whether I, and most other people here, are biased because our lives are especially uneventful. Maybe there's people out there who actually have interesting lives, and or feel profound joy on a regular basis.

>>28244
>For the latter I'm reminded of a metaphor of a person who keeps sharpening a knife to keep himself occupied
That's me, I like knives
I wish Life would end soon

>>28244
Well put. I should probably stop trying to force myself to have fun, at least in ways that should be but aren't (for me).

>>28247
She needs a Momo to enjoy it with~

my parents treat me like i'm disabled and shut me out if i don't do as they like. if i talk to the both of them they gang up on me, if i try to talk to them individually they stonewall me and then confer behind my back. everything i say is ammunition to them. they're impossible to deal with so i do the minimum to please them until they kick the bucket and i can collect my inheritance. there's nothing else i can do. if not even my own parents are on my side who have i got left?

>>28139
What's preventing you from leaving?

>>28140
they already kicked me out years ago.

It's normal, my mother used to pressure me to have a 3D.
Now, that i'm nearly 30. She stopped doing so, maybe she finally understood i am shpeshal.

The mom unit likes me doe, so i do reciprocate the feeling.

I want to communicate but I can't properly express myself. There are things I want to do, but I was born into some kind of hell and don't seem able to escape it. I lost my entire life so far, and it seems too late to turn it around. I think about it (suicide) because I think I'll never realize any of the things I dream of. I've had suicidal thoughts almost daily since I was ~8. I don't know how to explain how I feel, I'm too weird even for a place like this. I just want to follow a certain path and be closer to an ideal, there are ideals I want very much to realize, things I want to try doing/making/creating, but this life is difficult. I can't translate what I mean into words, I wish I could show the real thing. I've always felt something/believed in something, and always wanted to try directing it towards something nice, but I feel like I never had a chance. I want very much to but I think I won't make it. There are many things I wish I could say but I don't want to be a bother so I'll try to stop.

>>28597
Nice art.

I think this has hit the bump limit as well. Anyone up for creating a new thread?

>>28599
I will.

you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Change is scary, and people can get used to just about anything. Even if what they're used to is pain and suffering. The change could be for the better, but it's an unknown. The unknown is unpredictable. I think we fear the unknown because as bad as things might be, we know things can always be just a little worse. At least with what we know, we know what to expect, we can brace ourselves physically and emotionally for it, but how do we do that when we don't know what's coming?
So yeah, I'd say it's normal. It's the kind of thing that keeps people in abusive relationships and jobs they hate. I think understanding this would be the first step towards making things better. You don't have to live that way, you're allowed to have a better life. Don't tell yourself otherwise.

What kind of sad? Just emptiness or an actual feeling of sadness?
What positives do you see in your sadness exactly?
I find myself remembering periods where I experienced the latter with fondness. Probably for the comfort I felt when managing to escape into some fantasy or daydream. It also has a certain romanticism to it, i guess.

no, you're far from being crazy.
the brain gets accustomated to recurring events, just like the Stockholm syndrome where the abducted becomes fond of its prison.

from my own experience, you should not keep on running on sadness, it's a limited fuel and once it runs out, anhedonia will be awaiting.
you need some positivity, after all that's what I believe we're all in search of and the main reason we are interacting.

i hope you can find some solace in this reply.

>>25494
Yeah that could be it, or it could be getting beaten by my mom and slammed repeatedly head first into concrete as she screamed about wanting to kill me.

>>25481
that's definitely abuse

I grew up poor, yeah. But then again everyone around me was poor so I didn't really feel it that strongly at the time. By any metric I'm still poorer than the average person, but seeing the attitudes and behavior of the richer people in my country makes me disgusted, so I'm somewhat glad I didn't become like them. Wealth changes you as a person and very few can resist not becoming arseholes as a result.

>>25652
Fucking hell you're almost a carbon-copy of me, except I only had one sibling that was also abusive.
I think we older brothers get treated like that because we were maybe an unwanted birth. For anything I should be grateful of my parents, is of not making me not care about life and others in general.
It is liberating, but sad, in a way...

>>27877
It might take some getting used to, don't worry too much about it. I've been using imageboards for over a decade and I make the same mistake sometimes too. The design of imageboards can admittedly make it hard to tell at a glance if you're in a thread or not.
It's easy to overlook, but you can keep a look out for "Posting mode: Reply".
Personally I like to keep an eye out for the [reply] link next to the OP post. If you don't see it you're good. Also, next to the reply button in the post box you should see (new thread) or (reply to 27855).

a newfriend on TC?

>>28038

>>28002
Not new, I just make dumb mistakes
>>28004
Yeah, it just bothers me because I saw there's ancient threads here and I shouldn't kill them. The metal one in /mp3/ is from 2011.
>>28038
I'm almost 30. I was a regular from uboa-chan during the 2000s.
I prefer .flow to yume nikki lol

>>28020
Don't mind >>28018, despite the post not being grammatically correct it's still good content.

>>28018
Forgoing proofreading is not indicative of an ESL. One might argue it's poor form, however.

>>28024
I'm fairly certain the author is not a native speaker because of the prepositional errors using "at" instead of to/in. There's nothing wrong with that though; so long as the content is substantive and mostly intelligible, there's no reason to be elitist.

Post edited on 7th Feb 2023, 4:24pm

>>28025
Yeah, you're right.

>>22206
I tried to make a tulpa, and for a time I believed I was doing it successfully, but it was just me daydreaming the whole time. It's a shame, the idea fascinates me and I really could use the companionship.

>>22206
Yes, she's a bit nagging but understanding
Also somewhat works as my anxiety meter, since I don't really care about being alive on my own
We try to talk, but she doesn't come up with new things to talk about, so idk if she's really a tulpa or just me playing pretend, I really don't know. I'd appreciate some help on the matter
I can somewhat visualize her and hear her voice on my inner mind, but just barely
Pic related

Can i still make a tulpa, even if i can't "hear" my thoughts? I don't have an inner voice, or anything like that. I don't "hear" what i read either. It's just pure silence.

>>27937
Do the apple visualization, shape rotation, bouba/kiki tests to find out.

I found a way of dealing with my feelings of self-loathing, maybe someone could make use of it.

My issue was with having said or done things that I was told and accepted were wrong, but being unable to figure out what I should've done instead. I couldn't process it and just felt bad all the time.

The key thing is that your emotions exist to promote or inhibit behavior; you feel bad so you won't do the bad thing in the future. But to apply that you need understanding. So first, work out what you do or don't believe is wrong. And then once that's in place, ask yourself:

What did I do that was wrong?
Why precisely is it wrong?
How could I have known that?
Why didn't I see it?

If you can answer every one of these, then you know what to change.
If you cannot change, or if there are any of these you cannot answer, then you couldn't have done any better. It's not your fault. The blame might lie with the other party, or just the circumstance itself. But it's not your fault.

It's still a struggle; I have to remind myself of it a lot. But I'm feeling much better.

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>27923
>How could I have know that?
>Why didn't I see it?
These might also be useful for people who struggle with overthinking or regret. I.e. you make some decision that turns out to be less than ideal and then become consumed with anxiety/rumination over having made that decision. Often you're making decisions without access to perfect information, so there's no way you could have done better in the first place.

At least that's the theory, in practice even knowing that it's never really helped assuage me.

>>27905
>but then I also hear they cut you off if you own too much.
Trick is to buy it in a family member's name so they technically own it. Not that I would do that, but it's how I've seen other people commit welfare fraud.

>>27906
There used to be a guy here who was really into that with plans of saving up to escape that life. He would buy precious metals and coins from what remember and keep them hidden, so he could sell them once he got cut off. Dunno if that worked out for him.

>>27905
You can simultaneously be on social security and have money in investment accounts. Just as long as the money stays in those accounts to the point where it doesn't trip the max ammount you are allowed in regular savings/checking bank accounts. I met an elderly man who had 300k+ in investments (stocks I'm guessing). Don't take my word for it as I might have been fed some false info, but it would certainly be worth looking into.

1100 euro's in NEETbux, not living the rich life but I'm getting around

>>27899
>Maybe at least be a friend to yourself.

Everyone ought to befriend themselves, just imagine spending every waking hour with someone you can't stand!

>>27902
I don't have to imagine.

I don't know. I have never really wanted friends.

>>27901
I felt truly happy a few times as a small child. I mean 3, 5, 6 years old small. I don't think I've been happy since I was 8, and I'm almost 30. I did have a few brief, fpeeting sensations of happiness, but that was already a decade ago. It still feels like the most recent happy thing that happened to me. And I was already cynical enough that worry kicked in almost immidiately as I began being aware that I was feeling not bad. The world has felt like a big fake existence that I sit outside of and stare at since 2013 at the latest.