NEET is not a label, it's a way of life!
[Return] [Entire Thread] [Last 50 posts] [First 100 posts]
Posting mode: Reply
Subject   (reply to 19645)
BB Code
File URL
Embed   Help
Password  (for post and file deletion)
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPEG, JPG, MP3, OGG, PNG, WEBM
  • Maximum file size allowed is 7000 KB.
  • Images greater than 260x260 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • Currently 3247 unique user posts.
  • board catalog

File 142433028214.png - (89.00KB , 422x422 , 1418775241628.png )
19645 No. 19645 [Edit]
Why are you unhappy, /tc/?
Expand all images
>> No. 19646 [Edit]
Because I have no money.
>> No. 19647 [Edit]
There's more to it than that, like my parents being too stupid and irresponsible to raise children.
But come to think of it, if there was enough money to deal with the problems that came from that it wouldn't even be that much of an issue to me. I mean obviously there's a huge social stigma from coming from nowhere or to bad people, so that sucks too.
I shouldn't have even been born, but what's worse is that I had to do it being dirt poor.

All struggle is class struggle.
>> No. 19648 [Edit]
I have issues with confidence and motivation.
>> No. 19649 [Edit]
It feels as if I've lost the ability to feel love or joy, life feels like a play to me now, having to act out being happy just so I don't trouble those who care about me. It's kind of annoying, actually. I just wish I could feel like I used to. For years it's felt like my emotions have been dying off and now it's just finally snapped. I'm really hoping it's a phase, but I'm getting the sinking feeling that it's not. It's not bothering me now, but it'll get really irritating if it keeps up.
>> No. 19650 [Edit]
In essence this. As mere mortals we're forced to work or die. I got over solitude and that stuff long time ago, but having to work and study like a slave is something I cannot tolerate to the point I might commit suicide over this.
>> No. 19651 [Edit]
My whole self esteem is based on career success. I haven't found out what I want to do yet, no career paths interest me resulting in poor motivation and poor outcomes.
>> No. 19652 [Edit]
I don't have the discipline or motivation to live up to my ambitions.
>> No. 19653 [Edit]
You're just lazy. If we didn't have society you'd just replace work with hunting/foraging/farming and a lot less security against other people who might want your area's resources. Just find a job you can tolerate and generates enough income to sustain yourself and your interests.
>> No. 19654 [Edit]
I think most NEETs have to admit this to themselves sooner or later, unless they can get on disability or are very rich. Even Satou and the other hikki at the end of welcome to the nhk basically gave up on the lifestyle and had to work.
>> No. 19656 [Edit]
I have something I love. Something I would gladly die working away on for the rest of my life. I wish I could just live off of doing it. You know, be left alone to just work by myself all day, everyday for the rest of my life without having to worry about impending homelessness and other bullshit. So far, I'm too shitty to make it happen. Being a shut-in is the only reason I have time to drown myself in it. Every other option regarding life makes me unhappy. Everything else feels like a bloody waste of time to me. So I guess I'll be unhappy until I somehow make the thing I love, work.

Typical dilemma, I guess. Wanting to make hobbies your life and all that.
>> No. 19657 [Edit]
>Even Satou and the other hikki at the end of welcome to the nhk basically gave up on the lifestyle and had to work.
Because the welfare system in Japan is dysfunctional at best. If it were set in a socially progressive country the ending might have been more positive.
>> No. 19658 [Edit]
Once again I'm drinking more and more often just to momentarily get rid of my stress. Last week I drank four days in a row, this night is "only" the second one this week. I'm feeling shit but at least not nervous.
>> No. 19659 [Edit]
There is no way I could be unhappy.
>> No. 19660 [Edit]
I don't think it gets better. I feel the same way. When I look in the mirror, I feel no connection to myself or my life. It's strange to think I actually exist in the first place. Time can't heal this.
>> No. 19661 [Edit]
No motivation, no enjoyment, no money, no friends.
>> No. 19663 [Edit]
Horrible memories about school, and there's not really anything interesting to do, and I spend most of my time wondering why I haven't killed myself yet

Also, I don't have any income
>> No. 19665 [Edit]
I just want somebody to love me. I never had that.
>> No. 19669 [Edit]
Bad memories, drug cravings, inability to compete for jobs, and my mind seems to want to do it's own thing.
>> No. 19675 [Edit]
Low self-esteem, no friends and crappy job.

I had multiple chances to turn things around and make things better for myself but I just kept fucking up. Nowadays I pine over all the past mistakes I made and wonder if life is worth living at all.

Post edited on 21st Feb 2015, 11:51am
>> No. 19677 [Edit]
Nothing in real life comes remotely close to the 2D people and fantasies.

Right now even a gorillion dollars still can't buy you a pure loving waifu. Right now you can't join the starfleet, meet new life forms, and traverse other worlds even if highly educated and fit. Right now all religions are shit and the so-called gods never appear and intervene as some genki or cute thing. So on and so on.
>> No. 19678 [Edit]
The wonderful thing about 2D is it isn't real. You have to understand nobody likes anyone, nobody is perfect and that makes absolutely everyone disappointed. People love one another because they have idealizations and expectations of them. Then they fight with each other when the other breaks those idealizations. People are not who we think they are, they are idealizations, generalizations, and the more we get to know them the more those fantasies fall apart until we're left with someone utterly undesirable, tainted by their own bad behavior, but really they were always like that and we just didn't see it. 2D doesn't do that, it can't, they're purely idealizations, there's no reality there to break those wonderful idealizations down. You're so focused on bringing 2D to this world when this world is not a safe place, you don't want to bring 2D here, you want to go to 2D. Let go of this world, it's not salvageable, that's why humanity tries so hard to escape from it. Indulge in 2D, forget the 3D world, it doesn't want you, and you shouldn't want it.
>> No. 19679 [Edit]
This so very fucking much! You've said what I've said in a less retarded way, thank you!

Fuck this world and all of the living shit on it, it's all trash. 2D is the best and I love it so very much. It's the best thing EVER.

I know that it's a meme to repeat " _ is love, _ is life", but I have to say that it without a doubt fits the situation and is what I believe to be one of the truths in this world: 2D is love, 2D is life.
>> No. 19680 [Edit]
not for me. i haven't been able to get off to 2d since i was maybe 21. just does zero for me. i'm too bound to 3d to escape now. perhaps i'm just growing up, can no longer escape into fantasy. then again there's less need as the real world doesn't affect me as strongly these days.
>> No. 19681 [Edit]
Having a quirk does not mean you can't achieve acceptance and peace. Getting off to 3D is fine, you can idealize 3D as much as you can 2D. Just as long as you understand that 3D is just as unachivable as 2D, only thing is 3D can tempt you by actually existing. Don't fall for that illusion, and you'll be fine. A lot of people believe 2D is pure because it's 2D, 2D is pure because it's an untaintable concept, a concept that cannot display undesirable behavior, a concept that cannot disappoint or harm you. But something doesn't have to be 2D to be that, as long as you carefully hold the object of desire out of the wretched claws of reality, it will always remain pure to you.
I only get off to 2D, as a lot of us here do. But I understand your situation. Humans find something more desirable the more realistic it is, and for some people's unconscious minds, that means it has to be 3D. It's perfectly acceptable to me.
>> No. 19682 [Edit]
Because I'm an utterly worthless lazy despicable waste of air who's incapable of doing anything right. I just feel like lying down and letting myself die, but sadly a few people are still delusional enough to care about me even though I do nothing but disappoint and hurt them.
>> No. 19687 [Edit]
Relationships between people are not perfect but they still have value and it is worth existing in the real world. Have you not seen Evangelion?
>> No. 19690 [Edit]
Not that poster, but for all my love of Evangelion, I was able to recognize the endings for the platitudinous bullshit that they were.

The 3D world wasn't meant for us, some for the longest time, even since birth. We're seen as abominations in one way or another and just don't fit, so expecting to find anything even worth the investment in the real world is complete bullocks.

It's a harsh reality for any one individual to face, but assuming that everything's going to be daijobu or that things are even worth trying when you possess more than enough evidence for the contrary is the mantra of a child that which isn't aware of the cold bleak reality that lies ahead.

Some kids die even before realizing that their world was any different.

I'm all for trying to convey deeper meanings across mediums, but at times you have to be a conscientious consumer and realize what's being sold to you is little more than the prattling of one man's vision that which happens to be complete bullshit as evidenced by the souls here in stasis, perhaps forever.

I really wish it were different, but for most, it's readily apparent that there are very few things left in this world to even fight for, let alone try for. It's endemic, no doubt, but as much as it's a product of our time, it isn't anything exactly new per se.

Don't let yourself be lied to anon. It will onnly lead to dissappointment.
>> No. 19720 [Edit]
I am not happy because no one I know wants to live the way I want to live, or if they do they are not in a situation to do so or just won't because they think no one else wants to. Everyone gets so roped into work, marriage, children, house, car, watch hours of TV mindset. I wish my family valued the things I do more. And I wish my relationship with my family was better, I don't feel like I can share anything with them, I am always guarded. I feel like they rely on me (even if I am useless), and I don't want to abandon them, but there is nothing for me here, I don't want what they want me to want.

foraging is pretty nice though, and fishing is easy. I would have no problem doing that if it was legal. Can't really do it legally without owning land and paying taxes, or fishing license.

Part of the problem is you can't get a well paying job that doesn't require you to work 40 hours a week. Working 10 hours should be enough, we could totally structure our society around the 10 hour work week and not much would need to change, maybe you don't get to go on tropical vacations or something.
>> No. 19721 [Edit]
My father was a drug dealer and apparently I was born simply because the condom didn't do its job.
I'm not really sure why my mother told me these things.
>> No. 19724 [Edit]
Ha, 40 hours. I know how it works, you agree to 40 hours then you're "asked" to work 60 hours and maybe weekends too, if you don't like it- get the fuck out, this world has more than enough people and no one needs you.
>> No. 19736 [Edit]
Despite generally having developed an aversion to politically related subjects, i watched Lives of the Super Rich by BBC today and it got me thinking about stuffs. I'm not really in the mood to type out a huge post about it right now but i thought that it might be of interest to other NEETs on here.
>> No. 19738 [Edit]
Hey fellow Hikki.
I just finished watching it too.
A pretty good burn of 2 hours.
It's really shocking to see how deeply fucked it is over there.
>> No. 19773 [Edit]
I'm too tired, physically and mentally.
I'm so sick of everything, even of you.
>> No. 19790 [Edit]
I think it's because my father expects too much from me. Whenever I fail I always feel like shit and I'm never motivated to do well because he says I could have done better. I need to be economically independent so I can live my own life without depending on him but that's at least a couple of years from now.
>> No. 19791 [Edit]
File 142590494712.gif - (554.00KB , 733x700 , Lain.gif )
I just told him I failed my exam and he said just ok, I could feel his sadness though the phone. I can't even hate him because he does nothing bad, he always supported me.

Post edited on 9th Mar 2015, 5:52am
>> No. 19883 [Edit]
No reason to be happy. There are problems to fix.
>> No. 19890 [Edit]
Because I was born.
>> No. 19891 [Edit]
I know that feeling. I hate Life (but I'm a coward so I am unable to kill myself...) but if I showed my true colours to my surroundings it would cause me a Lot of unwanted trouble, which would only make everything worse. And so I act like I care for my Life or all the other shit everyone seems to care about.
Man I wish I could end it all, but even more I wish to never been born at all.
>> No. 19892 [Edit]
If he was german, the whole thing about him starving because he got no money, would not have happend.
>> No. 19894 [Edit]
Exactly. The lack of proper welfare in Japan and some other first world countries undermines the value of human life, I think. The question is this: if someone simply does nothing how far should he be allowed to fall? Some governments think he should starve. Good ones think that people should have food and shelter no matter what. We're no better than animals if we can starve due to circumstance.
>> No. 19937 [Edit]
Because I deluded myself for a decade that I was enjoying being alone 24/7, having no money, friends or anyone outside my family that gives a shit about me. It all came crashing down recently in a sudden moment of clarity: I really don't want to die alone.

Now I'm depressed as fuck because I threw a decade of my life away and don't know how to get better.
>> No. 19938 [Edit]
First you have to block out the thoughts that you hate yourself and others will make fun of you. This is the first step. It's incredibly hard and will probably take over a year to do.

I have passed this incredibly hard first step and just waiting for a moment to present itself.

You could try applying to a community collage or collage in your area. I've applied to both. In my town for community collage and 300km away for collage. I dropped out of both. But it might help you. You could find friends, lovers, or something you are really interested in. You just have to try.
>> No. 19940 [Edit]
What if people are actually openly making fun of him?
>> No. 19941 [Edit]
Then you either stop seeing them if possible or make them stop somehow.
>> No. 19994 [Edit]
What if said people are his family which he cant leave because nojob and his classmates/coworkers that he cant beat because theyre physically superior?
>> No. 20003 [Edit]
YOU MAKE THEM STOP SOMEHOW if you catch my drift.

Nah seriously you aren't forced to be tied down by people that treat you bad, unless you live in a non-democratic country. Leaving your family in that situation might make your life miserable for a while but doing nothing will make you miserable forever. When it comes to school/work you can just learn to ignore it unless they get physical because words are just words seriously, or report them for harassment/bullying (might not work as well in school, but school ends thankfully). There are always ways to solve most problems but the solutions might not be very comfortable, it's up to you to decide how to deal with them or just keep it as it is.
>> No. 20049 [Edit]
File 143130334451.png - (307.11KB , 848x1019 , _1388022052132.png )
>not happy
>not unhappy
>just apathetic
>> No. 20069 [Edit]
File 143137136186.png - (114.96KB , 329x439 , 422749.png )
It is funny. I am no longer angry, just sad.

My body is acting up due to both stress and allergies. I feel like I can barely breathe sometimes. I'm not even drinking that much most of the time; I just feel like I'm on a weak, negative drug trip.

I have no energy. I am still interested in some things, and I still like being alive, but there just isn't much I can do right now. I'm able enough to get out of bed and take care of things, but not enough to seriously get things done.

It has been three years since my mother entered hospice and then died. You'd think that it would be easy now, but it isn't. I brought up to my father that it was that time of the year again, and he just thought that I was talking about the seasons. Just...Jesus. He forgot about my mother. I can't stand that he pretends that everything is fine, and is happy as a clam with another woman, sincerely forgetting about my mother. It is one thing to move on, but another thing to forget. I don't think that I can be a part of his life anymore; I'm seriously considering it.

I want things to be better. I really do. But how? It could be worse, but I am going through a lot right now. At least my life isn't quite boring.
>> No. 21943 [Edit]
File 146856708795.jpg - (37.09KB , 914x629 , GnEK4xF.jpg )
Because this world is a crazy messed up place and I used to think there was something good about it. Because I have no redeemable character traits or any sort of useful abilities. I'm everything bad in a person and I should just die. Every time I see my parents they tell me I'm not useless or something like that but I feel like they are lying or they truly believe this, they are starting to see just how I'm a royal waste though. I've never been in a relationship, it's been years since I've had friends in real life, socializing with people is hard for even when I went to an anime club, I have little to no motivation, the number of hobbies I have could be counted on one hand, I'm ugly, I'm just useless. Even if I ended up being in some relationship I would probably get cheated on since I have nothing to offer. The only good thing about me is that I'm kind of "nice" but that is a product of my weakness and what comes from my "kindness" is that I'm gullible.

My parents would sometimes say that I might have depression and they say I exhibit those symptoms, they still say that sometimes. I don't know if I do but sometimes I think I'm just disillusioned with the world, only the strong, smart, or beautiful survive and I'm none of those things.

I can't even kill myself because I'm too scared of the possibility of an afterlife, reality is horrible but I don't think this is the worst of it. I'm too cynical to believe there is a heaven or something like that, even if there was I wouldn't get in. I hate this and myself so much.

There probably isn't even a point to making this post, chances are people are reading this and laughing at how pathetic I am or ignoring it entirely.
>> No. 21948 [Edit]
File 146870232950.png - (698.78KB , 1377x1080 , 1401833533022.png )
You know what? I think im not even sad. Just very very very, veryveryvery tired both mentally and physically to the point I don't want anything. Im tired and sick of everything, but not really sad. I don't want company, I don't want money, I just want to sleep forever. Why? Cause I tried, failed and accepted defeat, I have no business breathing and waking up every morning.
>> No. 21970 [Edit]
My reasons for not being happy?

With how much self-loathing I do, you'd think I commited a serious crime or did something I regret. However, I'm not satisfied with anything. I have no dreams, no ambition, no goals, nothing worth living for. 8 years ago, I would've said something about love, but that just doesn't work for me at all. I'm too abnormal.

Aside from the Life-not-being-an-anime thing that someone already stated, life doesn't have much worth living for. I don't want to work to live. I don't want to live life like normal people do. I want to explore, fight, see interesting things, learn a ton of languages, eat a bunch of different food, become really strong, and live life as I please with no one to hold me back. I want to be the shonen protagonist so goddamn much!

They live the life I want!
>> No. 21981 [Edit]
I want to die. I want to kill myself.
>> No. 21984 [Edit]
Let's do it.
>> No. 22256 [Edit]
Even though I am often told I am loved and cared for, I feel like everyone hates me. I feel that I can't do anything right, because I often make mistakes and get mixed up an confused often.
>> No. 22257 [Edit]
You should read this. Everyone on tohno-chan should read this.
>> No. 22258 [Edit]
Literally TL;DR, sum it up please.
>> No. 22264 [Edit]
File 147637712526.png - (761.95KB , 1440x900 , goodbye future.png )
Because it's a shame things have to be this way. You're stuck with it and you have to live with it.
>> No. 22265 [Edit]
File 147641270814.jpg - (172.98KB , 906x1024 , 1436518138832.jpg )
>> No. 22286 [Edit]
I'm unhappy because.... it's kinda hard to put into words. The people around me, it feels like they have a lot of faith in me, while at the same time they have none at all. I just constantly disappoint the people around me. It doesn't help that I don't have any faith in me either. I'm so aimless,and I hate myself for it. I wish expectations didn't exist.
>> No. 22292 [Edit]
I don't have money. It all comes down to the problem of not being rich.
>> No. 22293 [Edit]
I'm more angry than sad.
Every day I care less about being worthless, malicious, destructive and evil. So what? Long before I was actually bad it felt like the whole reality never wasted an opportunity to remind me how everything is my fault and responsibility. For a long time it succeeded, now I rarely give a shit. Hate normal people, hate happy people, hate all that zen gibberish about acceptance, harmony and enlightenment.
Fuck, I've been wronged so many times by people who consider themselves (and are considered by others) good and proper human beings but I'm the fucked up fiend who needs to get over everything, move on yadda yadda and and act like people didn't make me what I am now? No, fuck that, it makes me dangerously angry and I refuse any responsibility.
I even find it hard to talk to other losers now, most seems to be above me, sometimes in strange ways but still.
Wish I could take everything from everyone and watch the world wither, it doesn't deserve anything else. Shame I'm so powerless.
>> No. 22299 [Edit]
Because I still haven't found that youtube video with keine and mokou running on a treadmill again
>> No. 22762 [Edit]
>> No. 22781 [Edit]
i appreciate the thought but it was one where it was cute keine and mokou, but then they replaced the cute with two male cosplayers of keine and mokou
>> No. 22782 [Edit]
My existence is an anomaly, I am ill-fit for this world. It's like being a fish out of water.
>> No. 22784 [Edit]
i wish i had a friend to discuss waifuism with. i'm in an irc chat right now filled with "waifuists" but i dunno, they never want to talk about it and just talk about killing themselves. i think they fell out of love.

specifically i wish there was someone that loved the same character as me. i want to talk with someone about how great my waifu is. i could talk about her all day long. but literally no one cares about her but me.
it sucks. i wish i had a clone of myself to hang out with. my waifu isn't my only issue, i have nothing in common with anyone at all. i want to talk about hokuto no ken. but the only people who are familiar with it in 2017 are le jojo ora ora xd meme faggots who don't really appreciate it and just think of it as a meme anime almost as epic as jojo. hokuto no ken is not a fucking meme anime, it's beautiful.

i have only one friend in the whole world and he doesn't give a shit about me, he's too depressed. he just listens to me talk. at least i have that. but i don't want to just hear myself talk. i want to have someone to do stuff with.

you have to be a fad following retard to have something to talk with people about. i don't give a shit about any of the fad games. i don't give a shit about modern anime. i'm fucked.

why does no one love my waifu except me? she's the best.
i'm tired of blogging about myself. that's all i can do. have one-sided conversations. i am surrounded by human beings and all i can do is talk to myself while people pretend to care.
>> No. 22785 [Edit]
Maybe if you didn't come as unnecessarily spiteful, other would be more likely to engage in conversation with you? I don't know you at all, but the if I had to unfairly reduce your personality to one word based on your post, it would be "biased / prejudiced".

You thinking the only reason someone won't talk to you about waifuism is because "they fell out of love" is very self-absorbed.
>> No. 22802 [Edit]

I know what you mean.

But the anime adaptation of Hokuto no Ken is basically a meme. It's sort of poorly done, and dated, it has a bunch of weird faces and stuff. The weird cat noises Kenshiro makes seriously don't help it's case.

I absolutely love the manga though, the story is amazing, it's my second favorite manga after Devilman. I think it's pretty overlooked these days, especially in comparison to JJBA, which it influenced tremendously, to an extent where I can safely say that without Hokuto no Ken, JJBA wouldn't exist. On a separate note, it's really irritating to me how JJBA became a "meme show". I love JJBA, and have for a long-ass time. I obviously understand that there are comedy elements inherent to it, but teenagers on the internet kind of shit on that icon regularly, I feel. The anime adaptations are fun but they're not really that great.

But yeah I'm sorry you don't have anyone to talk to, that gets to be really rough after a while. You'll always have /tc/ and /so/ though.
>> No. 22804 [Edit]
Its so fucking sad. I want the old tc again from 2010. When it was active. When there were a bit too many namefags and people were complaining about it being too slow. I wonder what all those people who posted in the waifu thread are doing now. Did they all become normalfags and left?
>> No. 22807 [Edit]

I'm still here, I just mainly idle in the IRC room. It's funny you mention 2010 because that's around when I joined, maybe 2011 or so. It was right as I was finishing school and being completely unsure about if I would end up being a NEET after graduating or not. Was able to hold parttime jobs for most of it, and a brief 4 month period of unemployment.

Those were interesting days, weren't they?
>> No. 22810 [Edit]
File 150008891289.png - (350.97KB , 473x676 , 1499513254506.png )
I don't know how to explain this. I love Japanese medias more than anything (anime manga VN LN art MMD etc) but the depression is too strong that I can't bring myself to consume them. I don't know how better to explain this. As a NEET living in his messy dirty room with piss and Dr Pepper bottles everywhere I have all the time in the world to consume such medias but I don't. Infact I avoid them. I tell myself "in this next life I will do this more than anybody else". It's weird. Idk. I don't know what's going on in my subconscious but I think might be postponing my own enjoyment because I feel like I am in turbulence right now. And I am saying I will do this in the next life because I am predicting my whole life will be this turbulence. I have read this is not something uncommon, children whose parents argue a lot tend to avoid the activities they enjoy because they want to save them for a better time. "It is difficult watching my favorite cartoons when my father is hitting my mother just the other side of the door, I avoid it". The human brain is so fucked up. I only have this life and as a NEET I could watch as many anime as time allowed it but I am avoiding it and even if I didn't it's so botjersome to put effort into anything that I would rather spend the rest of my life doing nothing but asking that I can enjoy things in this "second chance" life. On top of it all it sucks being a lunatic, delusional poorfag. I ask apologies to the world for witnessing me existing, I am an embarrassment, utterly stupid & pathetic.
>> No. 22812 [Edit]
I think quite a few of us put off watching anime 'for a better time'.
What I have learnt is you keep putting things off and then when you want to do them, you have a big pile of things to do and it overwhelms you thus causing you distress.
So the best thing to do is do them as soon as you want to, and not put it off.
>> No. 22813 [Edit]
I can feel you.
I don't even look at pictures of my waifu or listen to my favourite albums for more than half year now because i feel like i want to enjoy them when i will feel better.
It's been getting better lately but i still can't break up to do things i really like.
>> No. 22820 [Edit]
File 150049901458.jpg - (68.78KB , 489x600 , 1376699199247.jpg )
I have a job, I'm climbing up in my career, I'm earning decently for where I live. But I do not feel fulfilled, I do not work on things I really care about. Whenever I have some free time, I waste it on something irrelevant, instead of motivating myself towards productive work.
I want to achieve a lot, yet I am afraid of failure, so I am lost in the lands of apathy and lack of initiative to take action.
Minor inconvenience is also the lonely feeling.
>> No. 22822 [Edit]

This same here anon.
>> No. 22838 [Edit]
File 150098872860.jpg - (75.78KB , 600x800 , 綾波さん by カコメ.jpg )
My family is degrading, both transitively and intransitively.
Every time I interact with them I feel dirtied, and can't feel clean again until I've showered, so I mostly go through the day feeling ritually impure unless I specifically avoid them. It's not just that there's no way to avoid getting into arguments except by avoiding them, but when I act agreeable to them, I still feel dirty, for acting like a normalfag.
And they're degrading as a unit. My mother has always lashed out at my father for every imperfection (often legitimate, more often just not being able to read her irrational woman's mind) and he's always been a tactless idiot, but they've gotten to the point where they can't pay the bills, so she's screaming at him thrice a day, offering no actual solution.
And she's not fucking willing to make any sacrifices or even basic austerity to fix it. And both her and my sister are obese.
But my fucking college (which I consider a bad idea but they're too hyped on classism and fantasy to question it) is being paid out of some otherwise inaccessible retirement fund, so I'm kind of detached from the causes and results of all this, but not from the ambient consequences.

And then, god, I can't understand why normalfags need "freedom" and their casual, undevoted "relationships" and thoughtless "friendships" and to "live their own life" and their fucking liquor and trash television and whore-films and sodomy and usury.
I wish socialism would come so I could just live in a barren one-room apartment and Society would just come and clearly order me to do what it wants from me and everyone would live silently and in peace, rather than this degenerate, immoral, directionless, womanish, chaos-worship capitalism.
And I know I just have to accept all this as (the semi-Spinozist) God's (viz. τοῦ Λόγου) delight and irrevocable will, as what -exists- but normalfags don't just demand that (indeed, they don't even understand what that means), but they expect me to lie and pretend to be just like them and I won't do that.

I can't even fantasize about being with a 2d girl because I do believe she would never want to hold me and be held by me, and I don't want to insult her image of her beautiful & pure soul, and since I don't believe it's plausible it's unsatisfying. And worse this just leads to rape pseudo-fantasies that I always regret but have become so habitual over the years that I can't react at with any real disgust any more.

This too, this so much.
>> No. 22839 [Edit]
File 150099050943.jpg - (216.32KB , 1280x738 , Kantai.jpg )
Is moving to a student dorm an option? You might end up with non-idiot roommates. The hell at home will just make you insane, sooner or later.
>> No. 22841 [Edit]
What this anon suggested is a good idea.
>And then, god, I can't understand why normalfags need "freedom"
Ironically, in this situation, "freedom" is the single, lone thing that can set you free and stop your misery. You have the freedom to get a job and start saving, the freedom to leave your parents behind to rot in their mental filth. You have the freedom to try becoming better and cleansing your life from your toxic surroundings. Freedom is the quintessential element of life, even if it's just an illusion. Never ever understimate "freedom", because if you ever truly reach rock bottom, that's the only thing that will help you.
>> No. 22843 [Edit]
I assume you mean a dorm that's open during the summer? Even if I could afford such a room, I think I'd rather die than do such a thing. Indeed, I made clear to them from the start that I'd only attend college if I were absolutely assured a single room which thus far I've been able to seize (on medical grounds). Regardless of their flaws, at least I know my family and their limits, and at least they leave me with privacy. The same can't be said of unfamiliar 3dpd with disgusting, reeking bodies I'm unaccustomed to whom I can have no privacy from and whom I'm forced to sleep with.

I think what I wrote about my family came across wrongly. It's all true, but I meant it as a lament rather than as a complaint. I'm far more sad for them and their fall than I am upset about my own condition.

>> No. 22844 [Edit]
I personally liked having roommates when I was 15-20. Now my sense of privacy has changed and that would be unacceptable.

>I think what I wrote about my family came across wrongly. It's all true, but I meant it as a lament rather than as a complaint. I'm far more sad for them and their fall than I am upset about my own condition.

I see.
>> No. 22851 [Edit]
File 150114759446.png - (275.03KB , 907x540 , I want off this rock.png )
I find humans disgusting.
>> No. 22872 [Edit]
i'm bored
>> No. 22924 [Edit]
File 15041898514.jpg - (470.16KB , 595x759 , illust_36017196_20170829_074044.jpg )
like, I can't even begin to care nor understand how the proles/coloreds/queers live since I don't even understand how my own alleged class lives or why or what
this is the extent of my alienation, I doubt I have any veracious image of society and everything I do see I wish would die
really, if immortality & purification of the spirit isn't in the cards I really can't see what good comes of the rotting heap of humanity being left to emptily reshit itself indefinitely as everyone else seems to want
(each to his own &c. and that's why there are no Manichees left &c.)
>> No. 22925 [Edit]
I haven't been on this site since 2014. I Have spent most of the last three days reading the archive (I'm about 3/4 of the way through it) and now I'm sad that most of the posters here seem to have moved on.
>> No. 22926 [Edit]
That's just how it is. It really can't be helped.
>> No. 22927 [Edit]
Is the irc active? I never got into the irc before.
I'm going to try make a couple of posts here a week again.
>> No. 22928 [Edit]
File 150420764727.png - (116.83KB , 600x459 , Emi & Rin.png )
It's not that active but people do talk sometimes.
I look forward to your weekly posts.
>> No. 22930 [Edit]
If I were you I'd consider myself one lucky bastard.
>> No. 22931 [Edit]
I think you feel that way because you're forced to want your current life by our society when it's not what you truly desire. Happiness comes from within, right?

It's a really dark, disgusting impulse in humans that force us to behave the way we do, and to mold others to behave in the way they do. Our society doesn't value life and freedom, it values death and slavery, we just enjoy playing with the illusion of the former. But deep down we all want the universe to be silent again because we can't stand the sound of others talking.

A difficult problem. You can't live the way you want to when you're constrained by the fetters of "value".
>> No. 22975 [Edit]
I am not, I am just sad all the time at what I have to go through to protect my peaceful time.
I had the resolve, but now i'm finally going to take that step and move away.
I have dealt with all kinds of abuse throught my life,but recently, my family tried to sell of my external hard drive, to get me rid of all my "weird" ways.I cannot put it in words how much that hurt me. My whole world is inside that little box.
I'm working extremely hard physical job, if only to keep my little world safe.
I am finally going to protect what is mine for good.
>> No. 22981 [Edit]
File 150659562354.png - (204.09KB , 955x686 , hikikomori.png )
Because i have been a hikikomori for 10 years and pretty much feel too far gone now and thus i feel like i just merely exist now.
>> No. 22982 [Edit]
Do you dislike being a hikikomori though? Or just dislike feeling chained by it?
>> No. 22985 [Edit]

I guess its more the feeling of being chained by it.
>> No. 22993 [Edit]
My family is fucked up; because of my childhood I am terrible with most social interactions, particularly 3dpds; I have no friends I can talk to about stuff; I have no motivation even to do things I like; I have no skills that will be practical to make me money so I know I'm going to end up in a shitty dead end job.
>> No. 23000 [Edit]
File 150748615946.png - (2.14MB , 2560x1440 , 1490389958680.png )
This anon is too pure for this world

Your post from start to end described my feelings too. I wrote a post to make you understand that there is at least one more person like you and to offer some advice, but I couldn't really express myself and get my point across.
I'm just going to say this.

Be courageous.
The rest will come on its own.
Remember, I'm cheering you on all the way from the bottom to the top!
>> No. 23006 [Edit]
You know what's worse than sadness?

Pure emptiness. Most people won't ever know that feeling. You need to digest the truth to feel that. Most people have the proper defense mechanisms to ignore that.
>> No. 23007 [Edit]
File 150802505562.jpg - (212.34KB , 1622x1080 , 1501079971787.jpg )
>Every time I interact with them I feel dirtied, and can't feel clean again until I've showered, so I mostly go through the day feeling ritually impure
I think I know just what you mean. I want to pull off my skin so hard every time I remind myself I am the spawn of my parents' work. My genetic code is indistinguishable from theirs and I feel like I'm no better than this local community. No better than this disgusting folk, than these streets full of trash, than this crime and barbarism. I am a part of it and have been a part of it since birth. I would like to tell myself that I am different from this repugnant whole, but the harsh truth is I'd be just another normalfag if not for autism. In a way, I'm actually much worse than these people and this place because I'm just another one of them but with a mental disease that makes me even more stupid, useless and inhumane than I would have normally been born as.
>> No. 23010 [Edit]
I really want to be family-focused but I can't help having the same thoughts.

Looking at my family history I can't help but feel cheated. A few generations ago we were so much better than this but now we're just rubbish.

I want to climb back up the ladder but I don't know if I can manage. Boomers got up there and pulled it up with them. And anyone seen constructing a ladder is regarded with scorn and distrust. Pieces of shit.
>> No. 23022 [Edit]
Normalfag is the most disgusting form of human, impossible to be worse than that.
327 posts omitted. First 100 shown. [Return] [Entire Thread] [Last 50 posts] [First 100 posts]

View catalog

Delete post []
Report post

[Home] [Manage]

[ Rules ] [ an / foe / ma / mp3 / vg / vn ] [ cr / fig / navi ] [ mai / ot / so / tat ] [ arc / ddl / irc / lol / ns / pic ] [ home ]