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22622 No. 22622 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
What keeps you from committing suicide?
79 posts and 11 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26535 [Edit]
>>26534
Wish I could save all the NEETs, hikkis, and depressive types. I swear, if I ever fall into money, I'll do everything in my power to save as many of them as possible.
>> No. 26536 [Edit]
Raised Catholic and I can't help but believe in a God. I don't want to burn in hell forever and ever and ever just because I hate living. I'm trying to think long term about eternity. Even if Christians are wrong, basically every religion ever made looks down on suicide and I fear punishment

In other words, I'm a pussy.
>> No. 26537 [Edit]
>>26536
>basically every religion ever made looks down on suicide
Not Buddhism, though they pretend it doesn't count as suicide if meditation is involved. The rules are made by the living and the living doesn't want their workers leaving their post too soon. People who commit suicide never get the chance to make their own religion which the living follow.
>> No. 26538 [Edit]
>>25105
There really isn't much we can do is there? Unfortunate that some of us broke through the barriers of ignorance - the only thing that could make living in places like these bearable. I'm in an almost identical situation except I don't get along well with my mother.

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26400 No. 26400 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you ever feel like hurting other people, physically or emotionally? Would that give you any sense of catharsis? I feel increasingly like I can't relate to or trust anybody. People constantly disappoint me in real life and online, but I can't stop myself from interacting with them because like an awful addiction, I can't live without it.

Hurting other people is a way of interacting with others that could make you feel good and protect you from disappoint and alienation. It doesn't matter what the other person thinks of you, because you can enjoy yourself regardless of their opinion if you're causing them pain.

I read an article once that sadistic people have a low baseline level of happiness, and that sadism is not only something they like, but something they require to uplift their mood.
19 posts and 6 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26453 [Edit]
I used to be more quiet but nowadays I feel like I want to break something or beat up someone. Everytime I cry or feel frustrated about anything I punch and kick anything in my sight. There are way too many people in this planet who should have never been born.
>> No. 26457 [Edit]
>>26444
sounds like you weren't a punk but really want to be one now.
>> No. 26458 [Edit]
>>26457
Sometimes I wish I was in the oppressor side, not because I find enjoyment in oppression, but because it's miles better than being among the oppressed, and I suspect there could be no room for anything else.
>> No. 26513 [Edit]
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26513
>>26400
would the devil be homosexual? a homosexual spirit

to answer your q, no, but i used to, kind of. it won't do anything good for you

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26469 No. 26469 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What are little things the average person takes for granted that you wish you could have or experience yourself, but that you know in all likelihood you probably never will?
2 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26472 [Edit]
>>26469
Not occasionally going on auto-pilot in conversations and saying stuff you know is stupid but being unable to stop yourself. In short, being autism free.
Having people that care how your life is going.
Not knowing for a fact that most people laugh at you behind your back.
>> No. 26473 [Edit]
>>26470
I can understand this. I probably don't have it as bad as you do but my family is also dysfunctional, my brother in particular is the most obnoxious asshole on the planet. I shouldn't wake up every other day wishing he were dead, and that I were the one who killed him, but I do.
In that case, I suppose I covet having a brother who isn't a less than worthless piece of garbage.
>> No. 26474 [Edit]
Terseness. Instant messaging bothers me because it seems everyone knows how to replying saying the least possible, while I have to get out at least a couple sentences just to say the same thing.

I also wish I actually had the ability to cry when I need to. My grandparents died of COVID around this time last year, but I couldn't muster any tears at all. It made me feel really hollow, as if I never loved them. It's not like I don't feel sad or anything -- I'm not a sociopath -- I just can't cry at all, which causes a very subtle sort of emotional guilt and pent-up feeling without any catharsis or release.

>>26472
>going on auto-pilot in conversations
I wish I didn't do this as well. I also take fairly long pauses after being asked something or if I get hung up about not knowing the correct word to use or how to properly express something which I'm self conscious about.
>> No. 26477 [Edit]
>>26469
Just being able to speak properly. Anything longer than one or two sentences and I start fumbling words. It feels like my ability to "think ahead" is only about a sentence or so and once I exhaust that buffer things become disjointed.

>>26471
>their confidence, self esteem, courage
I think that's summed up with their "ignorance". That very inability for self-reflection and thinking about things is what allows them to blissfully go on about their day unaware.

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No. 22108 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What do you do when you're sad?

Usually I play a game of league and then get even angrier and sadder.
23 posts and 6 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26329 [Edit]
Unproductive? I sit around and write long, drawn out explanations for how I feel and what I'm going to do about it. It's really unhelpful and something I need to stop doing. Just a convoluted way of detaching myself from the situation where I gain some illusion of control. It doesn't actually help and if you show your intellectualizing to someone they tend to respond negatively. Especially on the modern internet where everyone wants to be angry.

Cleaning is the most effective way to deal with bad feels but when you're in a very sad or stressed mood it's hard to work up the drive to start. Plus... it's very defeating to do the dishes when that feels like a monumental task and then not feel any better. Most of the time it works pretty well. You just sort of have to force yourself to do it. I try to keep my living space just messy enough that when a bad mood comes I can clean without it being some long drawn out thing. Sitting down a bit worn out while inhaling the faint smell of bleached floors makes it easy to let go of things.
>> No. 26460 [Edit]
When I'm feeling especially down, conflicted, or stressed, shutting out the world while listing to old trance and electronic music for a while tends to do the trick. It helps me take my mind off my problems, and if need be where I am or what I was doing too.
Today was definitely one of those days.
>> No. 26462 [Edit]
Smoking is the only thing that works for me. I've reached a point where my brain is closer to being my enemy than my ally. I can't control it and I easily fall into ruminating spirals, I can't do anything even after being perfectly conscious of them.
Sometimes I think it's the whole thing of "deal with your problems, avoid escapism" that has turned my brain unable to disconnect from anything bad or stressful, somehow I feel I was more mentally healthy when I was younger.
>> No. 26465 [Edit]
I normally listen to harsh noise as a form of self harm. There really isn't much. If I'm feeling depressed, my brain is pretty much shut down until I wait for the hours or days to pass and I feel less bad.

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25611 No. 25611 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What are the little things you enjoy? In day to day life, do you have any hedonistic pleasures which you cherish? A cup of tea or a warm bath or gazing at the sky. I love french yogurt. Especially vanilla. It's smooth and creamy and doesn't have a hint of sourness. It's nice.
3 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25659 [Edit]
>>25614
Why was the image deleted?
>> No. 25797 [Edit]
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25797
Birch sap. It's so clean and refreshing it makes you light-headed. If the taste of water was a color, it would be gray, light gray when chilled. It's nice, but it has an oppressive dullness to it too. Birch sap tastes like bright white.
>> No. 26362 [Edit]
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26362
I like candy cigarettes. Somehow it helps me think a little better and it feels right when I get in the writing or drawing mood. It makes me feel like the image of the writer that smokes while they work on their book and it helps me feel cool without having to actually get addicted to anything.
>> No. 26461 [Edit]
The only thing that comes to mind is Dr.P. But I 'try' to avoid it since it's pretty terrible for for one's self.

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26331 No. 26331 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
For those of you who have obtained a suitable line of work, how did you do it? Is dealing with people a problem?
15 posts and 4 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26355 [Edit]
Wow, there's a lot of people ITT that make me feel kind of inadequate; I work in a kitchen and, as long as we're not blatantly fuckeyed, we get away with drinking. It helps me be okay with having to work with people. That being said, I've been at the same place almost four years and I've grown to like most of my co-workers.
>> No. 26454 [Edit]
I am (hopefully) going in for a job interview tomorrow. I know that it's something I can do easily and that I qualify for it, so why am I scared shitless? I don't understand. It's just working at a gas station which is so easy a retard could do it. I shouldn't be worried at all, I know I can get up that early, I know I can walk there in 10 minutes, I know it's something that I shouldn't have any problems with. What fucking purpose does nervousness in this case even serve? Is it only because it's so important to hold a job in the first place that I fear failure?
>> No. 26455 [Edit]
>>26454
What do they ask at interviews for those sorts of jobs? I feel like since it's the kind of job where there's no real skill level needed, they would resort to those bullshit personality questions ("tell me about yourself," "what's your weakness," etc.) in order to impose some filter.
>> No. 26456 [Edit]
>>26454
Talking for personal experience that happens due to a previous psychological substrate of bad experiencies and trauma. So it's not a particular fear about something specific like getting a job or not, but an abstract fear to failure, others and who knows what else.

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22206 No. 22206 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you have a tulpa? If so, what is she like?
25 posts and 5 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26441 [Edit]
>>26440
>Basically most of my tulpas end up looking like a mentor character or a cute girl.
Couldn't you have a cute girl as a mentor?
>> No. 26447 [Edit]
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26447
>>26441
I don't think I have ever seriously considered that before, so it may be worth a try. But, the biggest issue with such a thing is the discrepancy between the visual and personality parts of tulpas. The mentor characters were generally male, with the implicit hint that they were like a instructor who lived through similar experiences. Perhaps there could exist a solution that satisfies both parties. A girl that is really young but actually has X thousand years, or is from another planet and whatever. When I feel on the mood to try tulpamancy again I will see where this can take me to.
>> No. 26448 [Edit]
>>26430
Theoretically yes. Practically, your mind would probably start fracturing at some point.
>>26440
You can make multiple tulpas too. There's nothing stopping you from having both a mentor and a cute girl.
>> No. 26449 [Edit]
>>26448
Yes, but making one looks hard enough. Let's not get carried away.

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25080 No. 25080 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you feel any attachment to your past and how does it affect you?
I'm genuinely obsessed with my childhood constantly repeating actions that used to bring me joy (such as going to the same places I used to as a kid) probably because nothing makes me as happy anymore. I know it's not healthy and it doesn't even work anymore but I still do it.
7 posts and 2 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26395 [Edit]
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26395
Sometimes I wish I could be young again. Then I remember there wasn't really a point in my life when I could say I was genuinely happy, just living for indulgences like videos games because everything else was just so hard and boring. If nothing else, physical activity wasn't as hard for me back then so there's that at least, but that just means I lost yet something else.
>> No. 26396 [Edit]
>>26395
It's weird because I also wish I was young but when I was young I wished to have all I have today (money, material things, independence).
I guess what I really miss is not being as numb as I've become.
>> No. 26397 [Edit]
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26397
Yes, I think about the bad things that happened and keep replaying them in my head over and over again. Sometimes I think about how I could be more happy back them, even if it sucked, the thing was that I didn't know better. Sometimes when I see child-propaganda, like cartoons in chocolate boxes, or general products aimed at children, I feel this deep, powerful blow to my soul, as if I was getting soul-punched, very powerful wistful feeling.
As for redoing things that used to bring me joy, only watching a certain shows could maybe bring back those feelings, I did not leave the house on the regular back then, and the places I used to like are gone or changed.
>>26395
Me too. I often fantasize about taking the ReLife pill. Though times have changed so much I doubt I could enjoy myself young again, not counting the inherent nihilism of adulthood that would persist in my mind if I went young again. I guess it could be some sort of interactive experience on the past, instead of reliving it nowadays. This way I could get some sense of correction and righting the wrongs of my life. But given the extent of my situation back then, I would have very likely gone bad, this experiment. Maybe if I went as a side character, like an older person to give actual help to my past self. Is there a manga with this theme?
>> No. 26427 [Edit]
>>26395
>>26397
I used to daydream about getting a second chance at childhood, until I realized that things would be worse unless I got a new set of circumstances. I'd still be just as powerless as before. I'd still face all the abuse I did the first time around, and it'd feel even worse now that I'm more aware of things than I was as a kid. I can't even daydream about being a kid and not going through what I did.

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25993 No. 25993 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Have you ever tried to kill yourself? What method(s) did you use? If you made multiple attempts, how many? What pushed or keeps pushing you over that edge? How did you feel when you woke up in the hospital or each time it happens? Did life change for you in any way at all, for better or for worse? How did others around you feel, if you had anyone? What other experiences do you have related to it?
4 posts and 2 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26373 [Edit]
>>25993
I've never made an attempt. When I do eventually kill myself I'm not going to fail, it's pretty easy to end your life with a little research and following the proper steps. Hanging, slitting your wrists, a big jump, or for americans, a gun, are all pretty foolproof.
>> No. 26374 [Edit]
>>26373
Nothing is foolproof because there's always margin for error (e.g. your equipment malfunctions). But hanging and slitting wrists seem like pretty miserable ways to go since they take a longer time and you'd probably be in physical pain for that duration.
>> No. 26376 [Edit]
>>26374
I figure the sure way is better than the comfortable way. After all, the point is to stop being alive. I don't want to risk surviving, and if you actually make sure the support, drop distance, knot, etc is right, then you pretty much can't fail. Most botched suicides are due to poor planning or lack of real desire to die.
>> No. 26386 [Edit]
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26386
I'm sorry to all of you who feel this way for how horrible the world can be. I'll miss you and think about you.

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23139 No. 23139 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What did you fear as a kid?
35 posts and 8 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26359 [Edit]
I've been into anime for more than 20 years and while time ago I feared I could grow up from it, it never happened. I still watch shows every season and I don't think I'm stick to any particular era or style. Some people are really fond of first 00's anime but I'm not particularly nostalgic about it.
What worries me is someday I could become so stressed, anhedonic, numb and mentally fucked I wouldn't be able to enjoy anything at all. I feel like there's some dark force leading me there but I try to resist.
>> No. 26360 [Edit]
>>26359
Man, I'm jealous. That anhedonia sucked me down right after I turned 19 and I've been there ever since.
>> No. 26361 [Edit]
>>26360
How old are you? Maybe it's just a phase.
Also I think my childhood helped, I didn't have shit but a black & white TV I could only watch at the evening, I was 14 when I had my first computer and could play videogames and do shit for the first time. So at 20 yo everything was still fresh.
But things are still getting worse year by year. I blame mental degradation caused by social exposition.
>> No. 26364 [Edit]
>>26361
25 although I can hardly believe it. It feels like the last five years passed in a couple months. I didn't really have access to games or a computer either until I was around 14, but I burnt out pretty quick. I wouldn't say it was that I watched or played a lot of stuff, I just have been tired all the time.

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26262 No. 26262 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Does anybody ever think about what will happen to them in the future? It occurs to me that I've spent all this time on nothing.. no relationships or skills built. 28 years. I'm slotted in for an IT school program but it's really hitting me in how alone I am. NOT to make a blog post but i realize i don't have any answers at all.. no direction, purpose, place to call home. I've just been distracting myself. It's an awful, awful wasteland.
What answers do you have for your wasteland? How do you build a life? I guess I'm the kind that will commit suicide if nothing changes.
7 posts and 4 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26307 [Edit]
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26307
>>26273
Do you ever worry about whether being a coward will prevent you from discerning truth in the world? How can you pursue something like that when your moral foundation is flawed? What else but purity of spirit could discern such things?
Honest question. I like what you wrote, i am reminded of it in my own aspirations.
>> No. 26308 [Edit]
>>26262
I'm working towards a very specific computer certificate degree right now that I do not have any motivation or heart for, but I know it's not practical to just drop it because I don't care for it. It kind of sucks but I've consigned myself to a boring and safe future. I've never been interested by any practical real world skills anyway so it's not like I have some dream career that I'm giving up. I don't see how people can be excited about shit like being lawyers or doctors, it seriously makes me want to claw my eyes out even imagining spending the next 30 years slogging away at some boring human career. Maybe if I could do something in military science or have enlisted that would have been cool, but I have worse health than most corpses, on average. I'm not stupid either, I can do pretty much anything woth computers and it's easy, but it's fucking boring. I don't know why god made me good at something I hate. I wish I was fit and could spend weeks in the woods hunting and fishing, without worrying about bleeding my ass off or catching a deadly cold. I would be happy just being a fucking neanderthal, I think. Bears are less frightening than job searching, and I've confronted both in their natural habitats and only one of them made me almost shit myself with nervous fear. Oh god why, why did you make the average person such a mind numbingly annoying specimen, why do they want to have small talk and socialize when I would prefer to get clear concise orders and then have them shut the fuck up. The only interesting thing technology produced were nukes, and those are never used for fun things anymore.
>> No. 26309 [Edit]
I find meaning in enjoyment, and I find enjoyment in hobbies and creative pursuits, even though I'm not great at any of em. I read a lot, write fiction occasionally, blog to an audience of nobody (it's fun to express yourself), draw and program.

I have no goal, no coherent political worldview, nothing I'm striving for, no dreams, no purpose, no close relationships of any kind, barely any mores or attachments, not much of an internal moral system. And I'm quite happy.
This is my answer. I've emptied myself and it feels pretty nice.
>> No. 26310 [Edit]
>>26307
I've worried about that when I started, but as time went on, it felt as if your spirit reshapes itself as you have more divine energies flowing through you, and as the elements get more balanced through practice, leading to a more stable mind. It's not really an issue, I think. You become worthy with practice.

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