I'm more angry than sad.
Every day I care less about being worthless, malicious, destructive and evil. So what? Long before I was actually bad it felt like the whole reality never wasted an opportunity to remind me how everything is my fault and responsibility. For a long time it succeeded, now I rarely give a shit. Hate normal people, hate happy people, hate all that zen gibberish about acceptance, harmony and enlightenment.
Fuck, I've been wronged so many times by people who consider themselves (and are considered by others) good and proper human beings but I'm the fucked up fiend who needs to get over everything, move on yadda yadda and and act like people didn't make me what I am now? No, fuck that, it makes me dangerously angry and I refuse any responsibility.
I even find it hard to talk to other losers now, most seems to be above me, sometimes in strange ways but still.
Wish I could take everything from everyone and watch the world wither, it doesn't deserve anything else. Shame I'm so powerless.