I don't mind, it sucks to write a really long post and have it deleted in a day.

Are you guys regular tripfags?

>>23286
They are, sort of.

>>23287
If so, then congrats to them since they're dedicated to contributing in this chan.

>>23257
changed my mind on this. my dad's abuse made me into the man i am today. the man who loves his waifu very much. trauma develops mental illness and mental illness develops strong obsessive bonds with fictional characters.

instead i would go back to the 8th grade alternative school for retards and criminals where I met a kid named Earl and a kid named Abe. these are their real names, not ones made up for the sake of the story. if either of you are here, which is possible since you were both fucked up people too, i am sorry.
i was on a lot of psych meds and my parents had just split and i had no friends and spent my free time outside of school crying and playing video games in the dark and stuffing my fucking fat face with food. and i took it out on people. i beat people up and made people suffer cause i was suffering.
the stereotypes about "bullies are just insecure bigger losers than you!" is 100% fucking true. you were both better people than me.
i think about you two little retards all the time even though it's been a decade now. i respected you both and thought you were cool and i have no idea why i had the compulsion to punch the shit out of you and make fun of you for being poor. i was poor too. i was living in welfare apartments. i'm sorry.
i'd go back and stop myself from being mean to them. their lives were already a piece of shit.

i hope stopping myself from being a bully wouldnt have a butterfly effect and make me have never fallen in love with my waifu.....

There isn't a single thing in life that would make me happy if it had gone the other way around. Everything in life is forgettable shit.

It would have just been better if I hadn't been born.

>>23256
I think it helps to reflect on choices you make in life so that you can make better choices in future.

But you're still right. When I think about the past it just make it harder to breathe.

>>23258
>my dad's abuse made me into the man i am today. the man who loves his waifu very much. trauma develops mental illness and mental illness develops strong obsessive bonds with fictional characters.
There is something relatable to this post and I don't know what it is. I wasn't abused and don't have a waifu.

>>23047
What is the nature of your eye problems? I am interested because I suffer from dry, painful eyes during many springs and summers. It must be terrible if your condition is chronic.

blepharitis, and perhaps keratoconus

Rise above the chains of dopamine and become an immortal metal god. It's the only way.

>>22887
Welcome to tohno-chan btw

Romace as idealized in fantasy and my own head? No. Can it exist like that in real life? Not really.

Absolutely. It's just roleplaying. Sex is the only thing a woman could offer me.

Not at all. I'ts just unsuited to experience with people, but handled as it should, with characters, it's something to strive and live for (at least I do).

Can't help too much really, but the only kind of 'club' thing I'd recommend is trading cards like Magic or something like that. I used to play years ago at this one dingy store on Fridays and while some of the people were friends, people were there to play cards and that's what focused the discussions. It wasn't simply intense socialisation. It didn't hurt that everybody was a grognard too I suppose. That said, this was one specific store from some years ago, perhaps it's different elsewhere/nowadays.

I also play Magic the Gathering as well, we mostly just talk about the game and it keeps us busy enough that it isn't too awkward. I am still relatively quiet and no one minds, in a sense I've gotten less awkward over the years.

Draft/Limited is the cheapest format at around $10-$13 a night depending on where you live, and usually that runs multiple times a week too.

i gave up on making friends. whenever i meet someone that seems really cool that i want to talk to and invite to hang out with, i just remember that literally every time i have regretted it. seemingly cool people almost fucking always are not. and you'll run into a lot of problems if you hang out with someone for long enough to assess that they are an insufferable retard. they'll think you like them and impose on you wanting to hang out more and there is no way to reject someone politely.
"wow this guy is ugly as shit and his body language is more awkward than mine, i bet he'd be great for me-"
instantly starts talking about romancing women and bullies me. ugly people can be chads too.
"this guy cannot shut up about star wars for five seconds and claims to have spent thousands on star wars figures, and I've never seen someone with diagnosed OCD as bad as him, great material-"
has a fucking wife and plans to have children.

more commonly though, everyone is just a shit eater. i'll meet people that are on my level but watch fucking onision and play pokemon or the only anime they watch is the big 3 shonen or whatever.

just not worth it. just ask yourself, if those guys turn out to be huge faggots, do you honestly want the burden of having to tell them to fuck off? possibly having to see them every day after having told them to fuck off? imagine going to college 200 feet away from a guy you insulted.
i'd rather be alone.

Post edited on 17th Dec 2017, 10:04pm

fellow autist here,
What happened to me is that I got diagnosed around 23ish, struggled with it, was a complete dumbass. After going through a group home situation and having a roommate, I built up my confidence. What I noticed from reading your post and from my own experience is that it was about the same.
The repetition thing that people with asperger's do applies to 'anxiety' as well. I've noticed the same pattern suggested in your sentences that I did(still do), which is that I'll repeat the anxious situation in my head. In reality, as in the people that I actually end up talking to, I realized that I was doing mostly fine. I was okay with what I was saying, okay with how they responded. However, I ran into the same problem as you. I had a roommate who loved to talk, I tried getting outside and volunteering for data entry and a pet shelter and some other stuff. In the end though, I would never talk to anyone, and when I did not only did I feel further away from people I felt emotionally drained. I would replay the situation over and over, I would love the feeling of getting out of a conversation. The happiest moments I had was when I was alone with my computer watching anime, that made me feel more connected to others than talking to people online or posts like these.
The worst times I had in my life was around other people, being at the whim of their behavior, feeling like I had to conform to whatever they said or something bad would happen. Hell is other people. However, I still wanted and want other people. How useless a desire is that?
I began journaling, writing, trying to connect to others through that. I talk to people from time to time, and I gained confidence from challenging my own writing. That, and hitting 30 really helped. It felt like I was just a dumbass back then, I honestly think that no one could have told me anything. If a girl wanted to fuck me I would have had to say yes, if someone wanted to be my friend I would have had to say yes. My life was like driftwood, and it's still driftwood, but at least I feel like high quality driftwood.
I think the only real difference between me and the rest of the depressive imageboard types is that I refused on a very basic level to not have fun. It's always been a strangely powerful belief, that if there isn't any joy in life,

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It's not hard to live on minimum wage or close to it. If you are okay with living humbly, you can even manage to save money. I've done it for a couple years, so it is certainly possible. College can go fug itself. Sure those people like in OP exist, but they are most likely enabled by their parents which causes such behavior. The above poster does have a point, however, purchasing a home is nearly impossible, unless I saved for a many more years or moved to a rural area. Rural sounds real nice to me, but there's a reason living is cheap: no jobs. One can only dream...

Wealth is relative.

I never thought I was poor until I started working in a nice area, then I felt like that moment in Great Expectations when the blacksmith boy goes to entertain the rich girl, and he suddenly becomes embarrassed about his family and appearance, never having known any different.

>>31022
>suddenly becomes embarrassed about his family and appearance
That's what he gets for being a normal. Being ashamed of not having more unrelated to your own capacity is ridiculous.

>>23175
I have a hard time believing people that live lavish lifestyles like this actually manage to save a proper amount of money. Seems like it all goes into houses, cars, raising kids, and other spending.

What should we talk about?

>>21071
There's nothing to talk about. There was never something to talk about, at least in respect to /so/ because any kind of discussion would be better served in a board where its the actual main topic with people knowledgeable about it. Boards like this are just stupid because they encourage self defeating attitudes and mediocrity, 2 things that got you in this hole in first place. No one here is retarded enough to actually need "advice" and venting becomes addicting instead of helpful. This is why this retard >>20979 is wrong and this place will stay half-dead like its been for years. Unchanging, with the same userbase that has exhausted most topics. But hey if thats what you want who am I to judge? It just seems an obvious contradiction to me to admit wanting more posts yet have that unwelcoming attitude towards new posters.

>>20974
>/r9k/, as well as wizchan
pls no

Posting in a dead thread

"He had so much potential." - literally everyone and they would all be thinking about how many great things were left undone because of my premature demise.
I am sorely overrated.

I believe quite a lot of the people I know well would spend the rest of their lives in the colossal shadow they have painted for me, when, in truth, it was all just a matter of perspective.

I wouldn't be remembered by anyone but my direct family members. I'm at the point where they're starting to see me as more of a burden anyways, so I doubt they would be too fond of me.

no one would know except my mom. i never leave the house and i lost all my online friends.

she would remember me as a bad comedian. i do shock humor to her all the time. she's at the point where she doesn't mind my neetdom anymore, she wouldn't remember me as a loser or anything, this is normal to her now.
she'd probably kill herself because i'm the only one that's nice to her. her life is kind of a piece of shit.

>>22419
>attracted to mares

solomon carter?

>>22998 Only open your mouth to debate.

Ironically, I've encountered people who barely watch any TV/Anime etc who complained that Americans have a tendency to talk very unnaturally. As in, they talk like they are a character of a TV show or something which just reeks of ingenuity to him.

>>23106
>ingenuity
Did you mean ungenuine?

>>23106
I would have to agree with this. I feel like people's perception is warped by media, this isn't a new thing to say though


I also feel like a lot of people want to make it big in the media to spread some kind of world view or perception, for good or bad. Some of them might be trying to fight the status quo or raise awareness towards things. While other people maybe it's possible they just want to influence people in a way that benefits them or even manipulates society as a whole into thinking a certain way. It's speculation but you can see a lot of signs of stuff like this which is why I'm not the first to make comments like this about the media.

Post edited on 15th Nov 2017, 12:26pm

>>21716
I remember my teacher accusing me of plagiarism and bringing in a USB stick to cheat in a test because I wrote in american english.

When I redid the test I really couldn't be arsed and got a D, don't even think they said sorry for implying I cheated and threatening me with punishment.

New Zealand

>>23097
I used to live in Southland. I actually quite liked it there. You could walk across town to the supermarket and see maybe one other person.

America. God Bless.

I don't have the most job experience, but restaurants are usually ready to hire the inexperienced as dishwashers as such, which is dirty but not too tiring, although some of the better restaurants do get really busy. Also if you're good enough at just grinding shit out like numbers and names (data entry) you might be able to look around for temp office jobs, I had one grading papers, but that usually isn't much more than min. wage either.

My second quarter (my college system was different) was also pretty frustrating especially because throughout my whole freshman year they pushed SJW crap the hardest, but I guess since then I did manage to turn it around and finish my degree.

>>23082
I can confirm that restaurants are pretty okay. If you can get a hospitality cert to do basic kitchen hand stuff you can also get a decent wage too because you're technically skilled labour rather than unskilled. I earn 50% on the wait staff where I work and while it's intense when it kicks off at peak service, it's not too bad overall. If I work a sunday for example I'm looking at ~$35/hr and around $50/hr on a public holiday and the certificate was I think $20 and a couple of hours online coursework.

If you can get a cheap apartment, you can live comfortably with decent hours. I work under 20 hours a week and easily pay my expenses with money to spare. I recommend kitchen work if you have the motivation to stick it out since it is very anxiety-inducing to begin with. I had plenty of panic attacks when I first started but it was root hog or die so I had to stick with it and I got used to it.

I'm not from the States though so YMMV.

I've been in this situation before and you need to drop out ASAP.

I got bullied lots in grade school and that led to a mix of home and private schooling where everything was a comfortable little padded room. It was a lot better at the time, but it made college hell. Like you, my parents "helped" pay for it (meaning they bought a few textbooks and gave me some gas money), until the student loans came knocking, at which point it was my responsibility. Didn't even know what I was getting myself into... several years later I was heartbroken and $8800 in debt I was led to believe I wouldn't have to pay back...

College, even a shitty community college like I went to will eat you alive. Being able to learn the material might not even be that important, being able to present it, play the social game to get exceptions and extensions, that's what gets you through college. And I didn't have any of that. Not to mention being able to regiment your time to make sure everything gets done, since colleges don't give a shit about making it easy. They get paid either way; you'll go through periods of nothing to do, and times where your entire life is studying. Point is, you're just not in a place to handle college mentally. When I went, I wasn't either, it's not a knock on you, just a statement of fact.

My advice to you right now would be to drop out before you wreck your GPA and credit too badly. That's what I did, can't get a loan, can't go back to school. Not until I pay off the money I owe at least, and that's going to take a while.

Find a shitty job you can tolerate like >>23083 mentioned. Keep in mind I said "tolerate" not "enjoy" because you're not going to find that. Save your money and get away from your parents. They want the best for you, but it's smothering. You can't breathe with them around, they won't let you because they're too worried "we care so much" "all we want is for you to be happy" they'll say. And the only way you can have that is if you get away and enjoy a sense of independence they've never let you have.

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>>23079
It's too late into the semester for that plus my speech impediment makes it a bit hard over all, and correction it's not that I haven't told my parents them they just don't know that I skiped class a few times. I told them I'm failing but they just told me to keep doing it and don't drop out.
>>23080
>Why was I homeschooled
I don't really know my mother never really gave me a straight answer.
>That story
I always wanted to just run away to California and live off of the welfare. But I don't have a car (i'm burrowing my parent's).
>>23082
>>23083
Yea I knew a guy who lived off of restaurant money, he said it was doable but hard and social. I don't think I can do that.
>>23085
Thanks to the info. I really did think about all that stuff, from just moving out to living in a car. And really I don't think I want that, I don't really know what I want at this point. I think I should just end it here. Thanks for the all the advice, and for the fun times. This site really was a nice distraction from it all.
Thanks Again