>>24489
It's not commercialism if it costs nothing, is immaterial, and requires work to get. What's wrong with hedonism? Nobody simply exists. Every moment you stay alive, you're taking up the limited amount of usable energy in the universe. Trying to live up to higher ideals by rejecting "lowly pleasure seeking" is just a way to feel superior in the end. Nhilistic hedonism is here to stay whether it disgusts you or not. If it disgusts you, why aren't you disgusted by your own resource consuming existence?

Post edited on 28th Jul 2019, 4:07pm

>>24491
It's more about a desire to always be, accomplish, or obtain something more so you can pump up your ego and feel good about yourself. It makes a few problems in that you always need another rock on the mountain to climb. Should you stumble on your way up it's going to feel really awful to see yourself lose so much altitude when the top was "just in sight". And since we're flawed humans we'll inevitably get bored of the mountain and look for another one, look at the one we're standing on and wonder what the point of this mountain even was in the first place.

It's not that hedonistic pleasures are bad in and of themselves it's the attachment and regret that come with them. As an example I used to do art. It was fun for a while but eventually I got to where I had real trouble improving my work. "Me, the artist" I thought. So I kept on trying and trying. I grew resentful and developed a rather large degree of self-hatred as "the artist" wasn't even improving, let alone making something actually good. It wasn't until I learned to accept this limitation that I began to enjoy it again. It's not very good, but I enjoy doing it, and that's what matters. I've had similar experience with parts of my personality and other hobbies. One day I'll grow bored of my current interest and hobbies too, just like I have all others, I won't be exceptional at them, but that's okay.

It's unfortunate but we humans are very limited creatures. In a world of seven billion it's highly unlikely you'll be exceptional in any way. It's much easier to find a way to accept that than hoping you'll find a way to leave a mark on the world, right?

I'm probably not using the most technically correct words but I think you'll get the point I'm trying to make... It's somewhat of a defeatist way of looking at the world but I find it's the most realistic one and it's certainly helped me be much more content with my hand in life.

>>24494
I've dabbled in drawing and creative fields ever since I was a kid. While I'm lucky enough not to get bored of it yet, in many cases I get more and more twisted as I invent new plots and subplots, but I don't think that's uncommon among artists from the best to the worst. I still don't expect any major success but it's enough to keep me going for now with the wageslave working grind as well...

>>24494
Getting better at something isn't about leaving a mark on the world though. If you stopped progressing, there's probably a good reason for it which somebody with more experience than you could have pointed out if you asked.

But fren, your filename refers to this chap as the famed Anime Guy, not Juan. There appears to have been a mix up.

If you liked Anonymous, you’ll love Derpanon! You never know what nutty things will go down when he’s posting! DERP!

Women are imbecile, yeah, insofar as women.
Move on.

>>24396
I, for one, welcome it. I just hope it doesn't become a meme word like "epic" did in the past couple of months.

Solitude, the true love that never let men down.

"It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day. That’s the hard part. But it does get easier."

Thank you jogging baboon.

"Hell is other people" - Jean Paul Sartre

"Between grief and nothingness, I choose grief."

"When the alternative is nothingness, you may as well try."

The first one is from a book called Wild Palms the other is from an album by Amanda Palmer which just came out.

You know, I'm not really sure. On one hand there's days like today where I'm loving life but for every day like today it feels like there's three others where I'm either moping around or in an outright downer mood. I'm certainly less prone to destructive thinking than I was in the past but now it's different. I used to think I could fix all these things about myself but I don't think that anymore. I feel sluggish and defeated. But even then there's a certain freedom afforded by realizing that certain things I've struggled so hard with just can't be fixed. I think I'm becoming okay with that. If they really can't be fixed then it's something I'll be able to forgive myself for. After all if it'd take me a lifetime of work to sort out wouldn't I be better off cultivating good in some other area?

I'm a mess. Thanks for reading my blog.

Not at the moment no. It's nothing wrong with me per say, it's just that I hate our current society. We have reached a point in our society where talking like an illiterate dumbass is cool, and where your social status/worth is judged by how much you buy and what kind of clothes you wear (so basically and endless high school *shivers*). The internet used to be my escape from having to think about this, but nowadays, almost every community I was a part of has been overtaken by normalfags that treat it like social media by posting selfies and speaking in bix nood; and if it's not that, it's ironic fascists whining about politics. Not only is this shit annoying, but it's a constant reminder that our civilization is falling and will probably be replaced by China. The only way I can truly be happy is if I move out in the country, buy a hunting rifle and live off the land. That way, if our civilization falls, I will have nothing to worry about.

Nope. It's impossible for me since I haven't even remotely achieved anything I want to. If people define their own happiness, then mine involves achieving things like the independence and job I want. I can't be happy in the moment, unless I know I have accomplished at least one of these important goals. Although I admit, I scrutinize myself like a perfectionist like that, so I probably still wouldn't be...But there's nothing for me to be happy about if I'm still stuck in this jobless, lonely, financially dependent, starting to take twice as long to graduate college than most people, kind of hell.

My viewpoint is that life is both meaningless and worthwhile, so yes.

>>24148
It's unnecessary to force people like that to take pills. The conforming masses will simply ramble on about how people who actually see the truth, or at least think a bit more than average are "crazy" and "dangerous". Forcing pills down people's throats runs too much risk when tools for social control are already so perfected that the elite need not worry, because nobody will listen to them.

I wonder how far this will go.

The definition of a "mental illness" grew increasingly broad over the years. Personal traits which would be considerd "weird" or "special" ten years ago are now treated like real illnesses and people affected by them pop pills against the "symptoms".

I really wonder if and when things like laziness and other unlikable personality traits will be labled as a mentall illness and treated like one. In the end that would result in everybody being a flawless pill-addict and everybody who refuses to take these pills being considered a failure.

I think one of the bigger problems for psychology in the next years will be the question where to draw the line between these traits and real mental illnesses.

Y'all should consider watching the movie The Congress. It features pills.

>>24150
I think we may already be there with laziness. The trick is in the language, because they are always sure to associate it with a recognised "problem". If you go to a psychiatrist and discuss how it is difficult for you to do anything (but they can't prove you are depressed) most likely you will be diagnosed with ADHD-PI (predominantly inattentive) and given amphetamines.
I thought I had hit the jackpot when I was surprised with a dexedrine prescription one day. A few years later I stopped taking it because I have no meaningful goals in life anyway.

>>24177
I used to post in a video game community with a bunch of people who all got increasingly intense about internet leftist politics and by the end of it I couldn't even talk about playing games without being accused of not having every single one of my thoughts preoccupied with cop murder and how to overthrow the current order

>>24180
The impermanence of internet communities is something that used to vex and frustrate me until I got used to it, which why I wanted to point out to >>24177 that this site maintains it's focus on it's topic because the end users have done their part in berating the moderators and administration when they get out of line and try to bring neurotypical garbage into TC. That and the low profile have kept this site around in a relatively undisturbed state for an anomalously long period of time.

>>24177
To be fair a lot of people feel like they're forced to take up the political battle because it's became such an all-pervading aspect of our lives. It used to be you could watch a movie, play a game and not be making some sort of political statement out of it. It's just not the case anymore, hell, you can't even go out to eat without a large chunk of these businesses shoving some sort or message down your throat.

A lot of people, myself included see all this and just find it fun to turn into keyboard warriors because it gets people riled up, it's fun, and gives us something to do even if in the grand scheme of things we're just looking for a way to pass the time. It's kind of like the part in No Longer Human where the main character goes off and joins the communist party. He isn't even that dedicated to the cause but it's some fun mischief to get up to and at least lets him feel like he's doing something other than wasting away so he goes along with it even though his more rational mind realizes it's rather fruitless. Really quite sad when you think about it that way.

We'd be better off without this sort of behavior but even the most rational man occasionally rears his true form as a hairless ape from time to time.

>>24180
>cop murder and how to overthrow the current order
Sounds like a fun friday night.

I can't fit in with anyone. Any community (except for maybe this one, but that's not saying much that I can fit in here and not to metapost but people don't really hangout here, it's more of a check twice daily site and the IRC is full of non-NEETs who are always talking about their university experiences or whatever). Every time I find one I think I can finally fit in with and call "home", something always ruins it for me, the closest I came to fitting into a moderately fast place was the infamous Krautchan /int/ (and it's spinoffs for a short time after it died) but the problems that it had grew and grew until it wasn't fun to browse anymore. I either find a place that I think looks good on the surface that is intolerable once I get to know the community, or is intolerable on the surface. Some examples of the former: at first liveboards (sites running on Meguca and Doushio software, even those sites themselves) seemed like an okay place to hang out and get my social interaction and be less lonely but after sticking with them for about a year and even getting addicted to them at one point I realized how repetitive and cancerous they could be. It didn't help that people liked to latch onto identities and the drama that comes with that, the post quality was also a bit low with the users treating it more like a circlejerk-oriented Discord or IRC channel. Another thing that really bothered me about these was how often off-topic discussions came up, despite a lot of them being otaku-themed and a lot of the users at-least liking anime, things like current events, ethnicity, nationality, sports, meta for other websites (usually 4chan, but sometimes another liveboard they're having drama with) and meta in general were often discussed and often in a very low-quality and non-civil way described as "shitposting" by the users but often with very little humor and played straight unlike the term often entails. These are problems that likely plague every online community but the instant gratification nature of the format probably exacerbates them. Another one that seems deceptively better is pretty much almost every social media website with the exception of Hacker News, (which actually isn't bad but has it's own problems and posting style that you may or may not like depending on your preferences, the

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>>24156
Fuck this post hit hard. It really is depressing to see how the internet has turned into tv 2.0

I don't understand my brain.
I'm often sad because of bullying but when I isolate myself to escape it I just feel lonely and upset for a different reason.

I can't even watch a lot of anime anymore because whenever I see a friendship shown or a group of people having fun I fall into an intense sadness.

>>24124
maybe op wouldn't be "/so/ - Ronery" if he ever spent time thinking about anyone other than himself instead of attempting to turn his entire life into an endless, self-centered pity party.

Anon I think you're trying too hard to be perfect, I've done the same thing before and in many ways I still do. Truth is I'm white weeb trash and there's nothing wrong with that. Certain things are just too ingrained, too central to who we are as people to ever be fixed without discarding everything, like it or not, you're going to have to learn to live with it even if certain things you like or do are rather embarrassing and undesirable.

It's okay to be a failure anon, just be aware of your faults, note them, and try to mediate them so as not to hurt other people.

>>24135
No, it's not OK. No one should have to accept living with any of this shit. Fuck that.

>>24136
I felt the same way once but past a certain point I wasn't able to make any progress on getting past certain things. I don't know what it is that's bothering you but there's a certain freedom in admitting defeat. I'm not saying you should let it define you, just acknowledge it, accept it, and find a healthy way to live with it that doesn't cause too much harm to others.

I guess what I'm trying to say in a roundabout way is that you should hate the sin, not the sinner. People like us can't help that we're damaged.

>>24095
The only one I've skimmed is the supposedly legendary "How to make friends" book by Carnegie and all I found was a bunch of sleazy tricks for car salesman such as "use the person's name frequently" – I don't see how that's supposed to help when even holding a conversation is mentally taxing, let alone weaving in these fabrications.

If instead your goal is to get some light philosophy out of it ("how to live you life" kind of advice) then these books might be more suited, although in that case you'd be better off reading some of the great Russian authors like Dostoevsky. Or even some of the very early jordan peterson videos where he actually focused on philosophical frameworks of the bible instead of going off the rails with his newfound fame.

>>24098
That book is severely outdated. The problem is most people live in a defined bubble by high school. With the advent of smartphones, it's nearly impossible to break into one of these circles without someone from within shilling for you.

As you go by the mall or local college campus, you will notice that everybody is self-absorbed into their smartphone. Before this invention, this was an easy way to strike up a conversation with someone.

The best way to get friends is through sheer luck. However, you can make some friends in college but you have to be the aggressive and it will probably fail 75% of the time.

I've tried several of them and there's a lot of books stuffed with feel good bullshit like 'just be yourself'. Some offer actual good advice and some are a mixed bag. That goes without saying and of course there's the usual 'none of it matters if you don't take action' thing.

I wouldn't discourage anyone from reading them but be prepared to wade through lots of bullshit to find things that are both true and actually applicable to you. A lot of these books seem to be written with middle managers in mind who don't have a clue how the average person actually lives.

>>24115
>A lot of these books seem to be written with middle managers in mind
Carnegie's "How to make friends" book was in fact written with a target audience of white collar businessmen/salesmen in mind.

>>24020
Find a quiet place and some time. Relax. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in. Hold it. Let it out. Repeat.
Instead of talking back to the scarred emotions, listen to them. Don't engage with them - if you find yourself doing so, gently step away. Let them be. Let them talk. Hear out everything, until everything has been said. Then - cherish the brief moment of freedom. For once, seek not echoes of your pained mind, but answers. You say you will never change - but what is your obstacle? You say you are lead back to God - can you find strength in Him, whichever faith you are of? What does the pain root from?
Ultimately, even if you feel the most powerless, in the darkest possible place, the one thing you have power over is yourself. It's hard. I know. I'm not here to give you an easy solution. I'm here to try and convince you to try. It's okay if, instead of reaching for the ladder, you slip. Once, twice, maybe more. It's okay. Nobody's here to judge you. Rest, if you need, and try again. Eventually, you'll find a way. Something. Something that gives you that meaning you seek. A path to change, even if slightly. I believe in you, anon. You can make it. You can get out of the darkness - and into the light.

I cry in my sleep now only, I also cry when watching anime. I don’t have strong emotions for real life anymore. But the way anime displays friendships, love, life it gets to me. It strange people like to live in misery and distrust, even with he closest relatives. I don’t understand

Very rarely these days. I used to cry a lot but it feels like I can't anymore, and I hate it.
I wish I could go back to when there was still a little hope. When I could feel sad and cry quietly but still believe I had a chance.
I hate that I'm getting used to suffering.
It's not right, nothing is right and I don't want to be OK with any of it.
This disgusting fucking world is winning, like it always does, and I can't do anything to change it.

>>23953
Last year I cried while sleeping for the first time. I was shocked, woke up with wet face and swollen eyes, and that bitter sensation in my chest that I haven't felt in years. I didn't even know it was possible.
Fictional depictions of the things you mentioned also get to me very hard. For this reason I avoided anime and stuff for years now.

I also had a long period of voluntary isolation from imageboards, until now at least a year of complete withdrawal.
I feel horrible and I can't do it anymore. I don't know if I can, or should end this seclusion.
I feel like writing walls and walls of text, to try to put into words all the thoughts and feelings that are just swarming inside of my skull... but I remember I once promised someone here that I'd go away and never pollute the place with my shit again. I'm sorry.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I came back because I lost to a desperate desire to fish for sympathy and attention. I also realize that what I'm doing is cancerous.

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>>24028
> I remember I once promised someone here that I'd go away and never pollute the place with my shit again
What prompted this? The beauty of imageboards is that you can consider everyone an acquaintance but there is no obligation or burden your part. It is like that Japanese saying "ichigo ichie," the interactions are momentary and fleeting but that is what makes it cherished.

>For this reason I avoided anime and stuff for years now.
Slice of Life in particular is touching in the way it can evoke and materialize those suppressed emotions. To me at least it's some sort of cathartic relief. Is the reason you avoid the medium to attempt to avoid bringing up those feelings, and if so to what end? The feelings evoked do end up tinging subsequent days with a painful sort of emptiness, but the memory left is also sort of bittersweet.

>>24029
>What prompted this?
A combination of things. At that point I was already going through periods of inactivity before quitting completely.
Mostly because of anxiety and sadness caused by feeling like I don't belong anywhere, being unable to relate to anything and anyone... and maybe most importantly being unable to communicate, to clearly express my thoughts and feelings, and through this to try to find some sense of connection and understanding.
I thought I too often gave in to this temptation of writing convoluted personal blog shit (like I'm doing right now, god damn it) knowing that many would find it annoying.
That guilt is bad enough on its own but I also stress out for hours while struggling with English and trying to compose something comprehensible, often to delete all of it before posting anyway.

So, then there was a conversation about what kinds of posts and posters are harmful to the site, and while reading it I concluded that I probably was one of the bad users.
Of course my influence was practically insignificant, but I thought it was still detrimental no matter how small.
I figured the single best thing I could do for the communities I valued so much would be to just go away.
I hoped this decision would be a right thing to do, that it was for the good of the endangered world of small imageboards not dominated by normals, and that because of this I'd get some solace and a little strength to help me endure my seclusion.
So I said my goodbyes and left.

In the end I swapped one pain for another, it really feels like I excised a chunk of myself and found nothing that could take its place.

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