>>24177
I used to post in a video game community with a bunch of people who all got increasingly intense about internet leftist politics and by the end of it I couldn't even talk about playing games without being accused of not having every single one of my thoughts preoccupied with cop murder and how to overthrow the current order

>>24180
The impermanence of internet communities is something that used to vex and frustrate me until I got used to it, which why I wanted to point out to >>24177 that this site maintains it's focus on it's topic because the end users have done their part in berating the moderators and administration when they get out of line and try to bring neurotypical garbage into TC. That and the low profile have kept this site around in a relatively undisturbed state for an anomalously long period of time.

>>24177
To be fair a lot of people feel like they're forced to take up the political battle because it's became such an all-pervading aspect of our lives. It used to be you could watch a movie, play a game and not be making some sort of political statement out of it. It's just not the case anymore, hell, you can't even go out to eat without a large chunk of these businesses shoving some sort or message down your throat.

A lot of people, myself included see all this and just find it fun to turn into keyboard warriors because it gets people riled up, it's fun, and gives us something to do even if in the grand scheme of things we're just looking for a way to pass the time. It's kind of like the part in No Longer Human where the main character goes off and joins the communist party. He isn't even that dedicated to the cause but it's some fun mischief to get up to and at least lets him feel like he's doing something other than wasting away so he goes along with it even though his more rational mind realizes it's rather fruitless. Really quite sad when you think about it that way.

We'd be better off without this sort of behavior but even the most rational man occasionally rears his true form as a hairless ape from time to time.

>>24180
>cop murder and how to overthrow the current order
Sounds like a fun friday night.

I can't fit in with anyone. Any community (except for maybe this one, but that's not saying much that I can fit in here and not to metapost but people don't really hangout here, it's more of a check twice daily site and the IRC is full of non-NEETs who are always talking about their university experiences or whatever). Every time I find one I think I can finally fit in with and call "home", something always ruins it for me, the closest I came to fitting into a moderately fast place was the infamous Krautchan /int/ (and it's spinoffs for a short time after it died) but the problems that it had grew and grew until it wasn't fun to browse anymore. I either find a place that I think looks good on the surface that is intolerable once I get to know the community, or is intolerable on the surface. Some examples of the former: at first liveboards (sites running on Meguca and Doushio software, even those sites themselves) seemed like an okay place to hang out and get my social interaction and be less lonely but after sticking with them for about a year and even getting addicted to them at one point I realized how repetitive and cancerous they could be. It didn't help that people liked to latch onto identities and the drama that comes with that, the post quality was also a bit low with the users treating it more like a circlejerk-oriented Discord or IRC channel. Another thing that really bothered me about these was how often off-topic discussions came up, despite a lot of them being otaku-themed and a lot of the users at-least liking anime, things like current events, ethnicity, nationality, sports, meta for other websites (usually 4chan, but sometimes another liveboard they're having drama with) and meta in general were often discussed and often in a very low-quality and non-civil way described as "shitposting" by the users but often with very little humor and played straight unlike the term often entails. These are problems that likely plague every online community but the instant gratification nature of the format probably exacerbates them. Another one that seems deceptively better is pretty much almost every social media website with the exception of Hacker News, (which actually isn't bad but has it's own problems and posting style that you may or may not like depending on your preferences, the

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>>24156
Fuck this post hit hard. It really is depressing to see how the internet has turned into tv 2.0

I don't understand my brain.
I'm often sad because of bullying but when I isolate myself to escape it I just feel lonely and upset for a different reason.

I can't even watch a lot of anime anymore because whenever I see a friendship shown or a group of people having fun I fall into an intense sadness.

>>24124
maybe op wouldn't be "/so/ - Ronery" if he ever spent time thinking about anyone other than himself instead of attempting to turn his entire life into an endless, self-centered pity party.

Anon I think you're trying too hard to be perfect, I've done the same thing before and in many ways I still do. Truth is I'm white weeb trash and there's nothing wrong with that. Certain things are just too ingrained, too central to who we are as people to ever be fixed without discarding everything, like it or not, you're going to have to learn to live with it even if certain things you like or do are rather embarrassing and undesirable.

It's okay to be a failure anon, just be aware of your faults, note them, and try to mediate them so as not to hurt other people.

>>24135
No, it's not OK. No one should have to accept living with any of this shit. Fuck that.

>>24136
I felt the same way once but past a certain point I wasn't able to make any progress on getting past certain things. I don't know what it is that's bothering you but there's a certain freedom in admitting defeat. I'm not saying you should let it define you, just acknowledge it, accept it, and find a healthy way to live with it that doesn't cause too much harm to others.

I guess what I'm trying to say in a roundabout way is that you should hate the sin, not the sinner. People like us can't help that we're damaged.

>>24095
The only one I've skimmed is the supposedly legendary "How to make friends" book by Carnegie and all I found was a bunch of sleazy tricks for car salesman such as "use the person's name frequently" – I don't see how that's supposed to help when even holding a conversation is mentally taxing, let alone weaving in these fabrications.

If instead your goal is to get some light philosophy out of it ("how to live you life" kind of advice) then these books might be more suited, although in that case you'd be better off reading some of the great Russian authors like Dostoevsky. Or even some of the very early jordan peterson videos where he actually focused on philosophical frameworks of the bible instead of going off the rails with his newfound fame.

>>24098
That book is severely outdated. The problem is most people live in a defined bubble by high school. With the advent of smartphones, it's nearly impossible to break into one of these circles without someone from within shilling for you.

As you go by the mall or local college campus, you will notice that everybody is self-absorbed into their smartphone. Before this invention, this was an easy way to strike up a conversation with someone.

The best way to get friends is through sheer luck. However, you can make some friends in college but you have to be the aggressive and it will probably fail 75% of the time.

I've tried several of them and there's a lot of books stuffed with feel good bullshit like 'just be yourself'. Some offer actual good advice and some are a mixed bag. That goes without saying and of course there's the usual 'none of it matters if you don't take action' thing.

I wouldn't discourage anyone from reading them but be prepared to wade through lots of bullshit to find things that are both true and actually applicable to you. A lot of these books seem to be written with middle managers in mind who don't have a clue how the average person actually lives.

>>24115
>A lot of these books seem to be written with middle managers in mind
Carnegie's "How to make friends" book was in fact written with a target audience of white collar businessmen/salesmen in mind.

>>24020
Find a quiet place and some time. Relax. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in. Hold it. Let it out. Repeat.
Instead of talking back to the scarred emotions, listen to them. Don't engage with them - if you find yourself doing so, gently step away. Let them be. Let them talk. Hear out everything, until everything has been said. Then - cherish the brief moment of freedom. For once, seek not echoes of your pained mind, but answers. You say you will never change - but what is your obstacle? You say you are lead back to God - can you find strength in Him, whichever faith you are of? What does the pain root from?
Ultimately, even if you feel the most powerless, in the darkest possible place, the one thing you have power over is yourself. It's hard. I know. I'm not here to give you an easy solution. I'm here to try and convince you to try. It's okay if, instead of reaching for the ladder, you slip. Once, twice, maybe more. It's okay. Nobody's here to judge you. Rest, if you need, and try again. Eventually, you'll find a way. Something. Something that gives you that meaning you seek. A path to change, even if slightly. I believe in you, anon. You can make it. You can get out of the darkness - and into the light.

I cry in my sleep now only, I also cry when watching anime. I don’t have strong emotions for real life anymore. But the way anime displays friendships, love, life it gets to me. It strange people like to live in misery and distrust, even with he closest relatives. I don’t understand

Very rarely these days. I used to cry a lot but it feels like I can't anymore, and I hate it.
I wish I could go back to when there was still a little hope. When I could feel sad and cry quietly but still believe I had a chance.
I hate that I'm getting used to suffering.
It's not right, nothing is right and I don't want to be OK with any of it.
This disgusting fucking world is winning, like it always does, and I can't do anything to change it.

>>23953
Last year I cried while sleeping for the first time. I was shocked, woke up with wet face and swollen eyes, and that bitter sensation in my chest that I haven't felt in years. I didn't even know it was possible.
Fictional depictions of the things you mentioned also get to me very hard. For this reason I avoided anime and stuff for years now.

I also had a long period of voluntary isolation from imageboards, until now at least a year of complete withdrawal.
I feel horrible and I can't do it anymore. I don't know if I can, or should end this seclusion.
I feel like writing walls and walls of text, to try to put into words all the thoughts and feelings that are just swarming inside of my skull... but I remember I once promised someone here that I'd go away and never pollute the place with my shit again. I'm sorry.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I came back because I lost to a desperate desire to fish for sympathy and attention. I also realize that what I'm doing is cancerous.

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>>24028
> I remember I once promised someone here that I'd go away and never pollute the place with my shit again
What prompted this? The beauty of imageboards is that you can consider everyone an acquaintance but there is no obligation or burden your part. It is like that Japanese saying "ichigo ichie," the interactions are momentary and fleeting but that is what makes it cherished.

>For this reason I avoided anime and stuff for years now.
Slice of Life in particular is touching in the way it can evoke and materialize those suppressed emotions. To me at least it's some sort of cathartic relief. Is the reason you avoid the medium to attempt to avoid bringing up those feelings, and if so to what end? The feelings evoked do end up tinging subsequent days with a painful sort of emptiness, but the memory left is also sort of bittersweet.

>>24029
>What prompted this?
A combination of things. At that point I was already going through periods of inactivity before quitting completely.
Mostly because of anxiety and sadness caused by feeling like I don't belong anywhere, being unable to relate to anything and anyone... and maybe most importantly being unable to communicate, to clearly express my thoughts and feelings, and through this to try to find some sense of connection and understanding.
I thought I too often gave in to this temptation of writing convoluted personal blog shit (like I'm doing right now, god damn it) knowing that many would find it annoying.
That guilt is bad enough on its own but I also stress out for hours while struggling with English and trying to compose something comprehensible, often to delete all of it before posting anyway.

So, then there was a conversation about what kinds of posts and posters are harmful to the site, and while reading it I concluded that I probably was one of the bad users.
Of course my influence was practically insignificant, but I thought it was still detrimental no matter how small.
I figured the single best thing I could do for the communities I valued so much would be to just go away.
I hoped this decision would be a right thing to do, that it was for the good of the endangered world of small imageboards not dominated by normals, and that because of this I'd get some solace and a little strength to help me endure my seclusion.
So I said my goodbyes and left.

In the end I swapped one pain for another, it really feels like I excised a chunk of myself and found nothing that could take its place.

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Try joining our IRC. It seems kindof normal to ask for skype or discord...

>>23790
I think professionalism is a farce. Most people are just winging it.

>>23791
not only are they winging it, but if you point out that they don't know what they're doing they will become outraged and indignant.
if someone who is legitimately trained and competent starts working near them the faker will sabotage the skilled person because they don't want to be compared unfavorably.
and don't forget that people who are living a lie successfully are demonstrably good at deviousness, they will outwit you most of the time because they're practiced and you won't see the lie.
next time you get on an airplane think about how the captain got his job because daddy worked for the airline rather than by demonstrated ability to handle an aircraft safely.

>>23792
I mean, at least that would be a quick and fairly painless death.
Also,
>winging it
lol

>>23787
The pro wrestler Ric Flair tells the story that he started seeing a therapist at the height I'd his popularity over confidence issues, and the therapist ebsed up crying. Maybe after hearing about his alcohol addiction.

Ric Flair was famous for his matches against the Von Erich family.

The Von Erich family is a professional wrestling family. Its actual surname is "Adkisson", but every member who has been in the wrestling business has used the ring name "Von Erich", after the family patriarch, Jack (Fritz Von Erich) Adkisson.

When Fritz died of cancer in his Denton County home at 68, five of his six sons had preceded him. His firstborn, Jack Jr., was shocked and drowned in a puddle at the age of six in 1959, outside his Niagara Falls home. In 1984, David Von Erich died in a Tokyo hotel from enteritis. Mike, Chris, and Kerry died of suicide; Mike took an overdose of Placidyl near Lewisville Lake in 1987, Chris shot himself in the head with a 9mm handgun in 1991 and Kerry shot himself in the chest in the family yard in 1993. Kevin Von Erich is the last surviving son.

>>23716
Which ones are bullshit?

It's funny that one of the red goats "Focuses on differences" when that is exactly what the image is highlighting.

>>23678
None of those seems to be labeled "hates everyone but his cat and doesn't know why everyone doesn't just blow their brains out."

the one who jumped off the cliff

This makes no sense. What the hell is a erasmus?

I thinks it's uncertainty, fear of the unknown.
You'll come around, don't worry.

>>23778
Student and work exchange program.

once you go through something like that you'll feel compelled to make use of what you learned because of all the time and effort you invested in completing the studies and training. inevitably "making use of what you learned" will consist of slaving away making profits for some narcissist with an inherited business or someone else who got to their position of authority through nepotism or some other sleazy dishonest means. a lot of that hard work, valuable skills and effort they try to make you learn in school isn't intended for your own benefit, so don't feel like you're making a mistake if you don't follow the normie drone path to what they define as a successful life. their definition is self serving, nobody wants to admit that they've been tricked into slavery, makes them feel foolish and lose face. if it turns out that you want to be a hermit and live in a cave and make cave drawnings that nobody else will ever look at and you go ahead and do that and enjoy it then you've had a successful life. if you were born 20,000 years ago as a semicivilized halfmonkey and never left the valley you were born in an just sat in a tree and at fresh fruit and masturbated all day until you were eaten by a lion and no anthologist ever dug up your skeleton then you would have had a successful life. if you suffer miserably trying to make other people happy and satisfy their desires and expectations they will just continue to take advantage of you and you will be left with regrets and feel like a chump. furthermore the worst of the other people will seek you out for manipulation with leech-like coldness and instinct.

kakusu because /so/ is gay and i'm a retard

>>23779
>>23777
I am feeling better now, maybe I just needed to let it go out.