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26736 No. 26736 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I am very depressed today. As is common for me, I started to think how my whole life has been a joke from the very start and how there's no possible way that I, would have ended up okay by society's standards and live a normal or even a "happy" life considering the environment I was born in, the people that brought me into this miserable and frankly sad excuse of an existance and other very traumatizing, horrible events that happened throughout my life while listening to sad L'arc~en~ciel songs on loop over and over again and crying as I do every single day. Then, I started playing Sell My Soul (my favourite song) by L'arc on Audiosurf when a thought popped up in my head. What if... the devil was real and I could just summon him and sell him my soul or make a pact to fix my life instantly or to be another person entirely? what if I could just stop wishing I was dead every single day by selling my soul and live a good life? To me it doesn't really matter if I go to hell, after a couple hundred thousand years you would be able to handle the pain pretty well, you probably wouldn't even feel it at that point, and nobody goes to heaven anyways... heck, i could even meet some cool people and historical figures while i burn in hell for eternity, i suppose it wouldn't really be that different from the hell that i'm in already. I would kill any ammount of people if it's 100% guaranteed that i would be happy after the deed is done. I could even settle for one of those MMO addicted asians who are practically permanent residents at cheap internet cafés, i could even become friends with the staff and the other guys at the computers, form a team with them and practice everyday to get good at an esport and possibly even win a tournament...
What do you think? would you sell your soul to Satan for a chance at a better life? (if all that religious bullshit was real, of course) Sorry if this makes you sad, i just wanted to get these thoughts out of my head, i hope that at least someone can relate to this. I've been lurking for years now and today i've felt good (and bad) enough to post for real on here, hope this thread isn't too shitty, sorry if it is.
>> No. 26737 [Edit]
If that stuff is real, I'm already going to hell, so why not? I'd be losing literally nothing.

Post edited on 10th Sep 2021, 2:35pm
>> No. 26738 [Edit]
You silly, we're in hell already.
>> No. 26739 [Edit]
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Heh... well, there's still the possibility of hell existing in some capacity. At least in this hell that we live in there's anime and music to distract ourselves from the pain, even if for a little while.

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22766 No. 22766 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you feel empty? Not really happy, not really sad, but alien and different from your surroundings. Only spiced up by the occasional shame brought about by base desire like lust and hunger. Like there's just nothing there at all within you.
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>> No. 26630 [Edit]
As I see it, friendship like in SOL shows is mostly a thing for children and teens, adults don't have friends that way.
>> No. 26635 [Edit]
It's true. I had wonderful friends whom I loved a lot when I was a kid and teen, but that all faded into a generalized feeling of just being with people because you got used to each other. No emotion or value is present. And it's not like I had many friends, just a few in fact. I no longer keep contact with them. To make matters interesting, I not only lost contact with them during the fake pandemic but I now see them as wholly worthless and unimportant to my life. I don't even feel lonely. I realized that they added absolutely nothing of value to my life.

Friendship really is something that belongs in childhood.
>> No. 26680 [Edit]
Yeah I'm feeling it and it really hits me hard. The only thing that really keeps me together is giving my time and energy to my family and what remaining friends I have. Thats when I feel like there's some fulfillment. There are days where I feel like everyone is just living their life without me. I feel like being an empty witness to it. Like being a ghost or a spectator at a game. You don't feel like a player or protagonist at all. But just someone who watches. I don't feel happy or sad. But a void in my mind and body keeps me doubting myself. "Why do I do this?", "Why do I continue?". It feels very shallow and unfulfilled when I have these thoughts on repeat. Man its so hard to get rid of it.
>> No. 26692 [Edit]
Yes kind of but i don't have the choice. It gets worse when i let myself go and keep wasting my life and reminiscing about it, or thinking about what could have been, which is so damn stupid. Lately it was triggered by a specific music which made it much worse, i've been melancholic for 2 days now. Deep down i always found life beautiful (well at least in a developed society and all that, i know it's not a default state of things) but it was just not for me. The only thing i feel like i can do as i'm getting closer to my thirties is to just push through and fight the hardest i can so i don't get stuck in that emotional slump.

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24601 No. 24601 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
What happened to all the people who used to inhabit imageboards ~10 years ago? Given how poor the quality of most are now, I find it hard to believe that they are still active in those same places. Did they simply accept the inevitability of change and abandon imageboards for good? (While I find it hard to believe that they'd switch to something like Facebook, it's not unprobable that many just joined discord groups, also simultaneously resulting in the gradual decline of irc). Are they still there in small numbers but just drowned out by the influx of newcomers and low-quality posts? Did they escape to some uber-secret sanctuary?

The recent 8ch exodus led me to browse some of their various spinoff boards; I thought that at least one might recapture the same spirit of old but unfortunately none really come close. Tohno-chan is still perhaps the only place I've found where where post quality remains relatively high and discussion is thoughtful.
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>> No. 26682 [Edit]
but it was horrible
>> No. 26683 [Edit]
>I feel like there's no one from 10 years ago, because people get old and they turn normal.
That's what happened to my older brother and his friends.
>> No. 26684 [Edit]
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I feel like I've been devoured by normalcy too.
Not in the way of becoming normal, but reading what I posted two years ago makes me think of a time when I could worry about things like imageboards while now my mind is 100% occupied with the disgusting miseries of real life. I guess that's what adulthood means, and it sucks.
>> No. 26690 [Edit]

I have been on the internet for all those years. I remember everything. Wizardchan, the solourful designs of the software, the hyp for some games. None of those things matter now, sadly.

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26611 No. 26611 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How do you deal with anxiety when its related symptoms can exacerbate anxiety in a vicious cycle? I'm rather weary about my health, so I tend to focus on minor details to the point of inducing panic.

Recently I've been feeling a little light-headed from time to time (probably because of allergies), and because I'm asthmatic I keep a pulse oximeter (small device that attaches to your finger that measure pulse rate and blood oxygen level) with me to make sure I'm alright. As I sit waiting, I unintentionally start worrying so my heart rate goes up and I start breathing faster, and my palms get clammy. When it finally picks up on my vitals, I'll usually have a heart rate in excess of 120 bpm and SpO2 of 96% (good, and normal blood oxygen level). Regardless, I'll keep focusing on it, and start unconsciously hyperventilating causing my blood oxygen level to start dropping and my heart rate to eventually rise to 150 bpm or higher. And upon seeing my falling blood oxygen level, I'll really start panicking and hyperventilating in earnest (monkey brain says breathe more even though hyperventilation depresses nervous activity and causes a rapid decrease in blood CO2, leading to further decreased blood oxygen level, potentially leading to fainting if a normal breathing pattern cannot be resumed). Another source of panic is the accuracy of the pulse oximeter. With cold hands, or sweaty palms, the accuracy of the pulse oximeter drastically falls; when in actuality the person may have a SpO2 of 96 or greater, the reading on the pulse oximeter may read 85% and below, which indicates a dramatically low blood oxygen level, possibly imminently close to fainting. What is especially distressing about hyperventilation are the effects of as one reaches closer to fainting: from your hands and feet, a creeping tingling numbness rises through your limbs, your vision tunnels and dims, your limbs become useless as you lose coordination, your speech slurs, and intense fear grips you. Meanwhile, though your senses dull, your mind remains racing and conscious as it nears closer towards fainting.

That's not even mentioning that my anxiety is so severe that I experience random rapid muscle twitches. They're more annoying than anything, but still. Another more impactful source of anxiety is that I regularly feel some degr
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>> No. 26666 [Edit]
By observe I mean just let the thoughts be. If a thought pops into your head it's not a signal that you need to engage in thinking about that stuff. You can if you want to.

>shift my attention back to consciously breathing, is that the correct thing to do?

yo. but I would say try to relax your body. When the tension from the body goes away the breathing will become less tense and compulsory thinking slows down. Keep experimenting. I used to find most tension in my jaw, face muscles, neck, arms, shoulders, chest.

>Can also be caused by vitamin deficiencies. Vitamin D is the easiest to fix (go out in the sun) and also probably one that most imageboard-dwellers are deficient in, followed by things like magnesium (can also cause insomnia) or b12 (if you eat meat rarely).

Magnesium by all means. Stress eats it up. Vitamin D deficiency seems to cause lethargy and generally feeling like crap. I dont know about B12 specifically but I've read that taking B-complex reduces stress.
>> No. 26685 [Edit]
do you think your health anxiety is just something you have, or that it has an underlying cause? what factors in your life could be stressing you out, and making that stress manifest itself as fear that you're going to die? are you a neet, or do you have a job that puts you under strain in some way? btw ur cute and I wanna hug you
>> No. 26686 [Edit]
>I wanna hug you
Don't. They'll think you're trying to suffocate them.
>> No. 26687 [Edit]
Sorry in advance for the long post.

>do you think your health anxiety is just something you have, or that it has an underlying cause?
Perhaps part of it is a result of my childhood. I was never weary of my health, but I did get sick somewhat often and I was really bad about being able to take medicine. I regularly would "take medicine" and hide it in pillows, or underneath the seats of our couch, or do the trick of hiding medicine beneath my tongue or hold liquid medicine in my mouth only to spit it out in the bathroom. At the same time, my father was very strict about taking medicine; I can understand his frustration now, but as a child, it only made me more fearful of taking medicine, which likely made him all the more angry at my not taking medicine. But, again, that was only fear and apprehension of taking medicine, not worrying of being sick.

Regardless, I've always been a rather timid person. A memory that will always stick with me is of a time when I was still in elementary school. I can't remember what grade, maybe 1st or maybe even kindergarten. I was sitting behind the playground crying to myself, alone. I was scared and upset because I thought my parents had left me there, and wouldn't pick me back up. Fortunately, a nice person came up to me and asked me why I was crying, as did a few other people, and they consoled me that it would be alright. A happy ending, maybe, but I think it gives some insight into my formative years. Another memory of mine had to do with playing games online. Having grown up with computers and the internet, I was accustomed to playing games, but multiplayer interaction was way too much for me. I remember playing some game, and being politely told "Sorry, we're trying to do something here, could you leave?" and becoming so flustered that I had to turn the game off out of embarrassment and fear of interacting with people.

A bad influence for sure, but I only gained the courage to really talk to people online thanks to Anonymous imageboards online.

So, I think I've always been anxious to some extent or another, and perhaps developing h
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26641 No. 26641 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Why do we have so few ways of saying "sad", and why do they all mean basically the same thing? We have unhappy, melancholy, depressed, suffering, etc, but there are so many different kinds of sadness that those words don't even begin to cover. For instance, this one I have right now is kind of acidic, and unlike most sadnesses I've felt so far that felt like a hole or a knot inside me, that just made me feel empty and desolate, this one feels like its tugging me by my tummy, making me feel like I have to go DO something to fix it, but I don't know what. There's definitely no word for it. I hear french is the best language for this, but no matter how many words they have for sadness its nowhere near enough. There should be thousands and thousands of words for "sad", all of them meaning slightly different things, like the eskimos have thousands and thousands of words for snow, to cover every single kind of snow in maximum detail. They have so many words for "snow" because they come into contact with it so often, and what human being in the world doesn't have just as much experience with sadness as an eskimo does with snow?
1 post omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26643 [Edit]
>his one feels like its tugging me by my tummy, making me feel like I have to go DO something to fix it, but I don't know what
Sounds like despair or frustration.
>> No. 26645 [Edit]
You can modify the words we do have with adjectives (as you said "acidic" is a good one). You could reciprocally ask why we don't have very many words for happiness either, and the answer is I think similar: we trade off by modulating expression at the unit of the sentence instead of the word.
>> No. 26646 [Edit]
Isn't the word for that Anxiety?
>> No. 26647 [Edit]
Anxiety can come about as a result of feeling distressingly aimless, but anxiety is not the feeling they're describing. Anxiety is a distressing feeling of unease and clouded judgement, which when advantaged can also manifest various physical symptoms ranging from elevated heart rate, sweating, high blood pressure, muscle twitching, headaches, and more. Not to mention the possibility for developing psychosomatic illness; literally illnesses created by the mind, that typically completely subside following consultation with a doctor.

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26636 No. 26636 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
this entire world was formed to cause me as much pain as it possibly could
>> No. 26637 [Edit]
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That's expensive sausage!
>> No. 26644 [Edit]
she buy sausafe

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26599 No. 26599 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
i do not want to work to afford to live any longer
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>> No. 26603 [Edit]
Interesting to see my exact thoughts, just as I visit this place again.
I'm trying to make it, though. It's not going well, sadly.
>> No. 26604 [Edit]
If you fail, at least you can say that you tried. Good luck.
>> No. 26639 [Edit]
live in a frugal and efficient manner while pouring money into investments to create enough passive income to one day live off of?
>> No. 26640 [Edit]
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With current salaries, I don't see how that would be possible. I already save 70% of what I earn and I'm living as miserable as I can, I don't even eat. Most safest way to have a passive income would be owning an apartment and renting it. But I'll have to buy one shitty for me and one decent to rent, that would take me, at this pace, 23 years, all that considering I would be able to keep my current job (and I don't even want to keep it since it sucks).
I don't think I'm even going to be alive in 23 years.

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26553 No. 26553 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I really like this board. In fact this may be the best board out of all the imageboards I've seen. You guys are alright. Why does it seem nowhere is as honest as here?
7 posts and 1 image omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26566 [Edit]
If you look at other imageboards, it seems they usually suffer from two (not necessarily orthogonal issues): loose moderation that lets low-quality discussion fester, and a userbase that cares more about being part of some "in-group" than discussing things.

TC's rules are not only conducive to discussion in general, but also have a slant towards ensuring that the site remains somewhat focused on otaku and tangential interests. when paired with moderators who competently enforce them, these rules help maintain the integrity of the existing userbase. And the userbase is of course probably the most crucial element, since what used to be decent places have been ruined by people treating it as a "dumping ground" – where they care more about the validation from posting some image-macro or inane phrase rather than continuing the discussion. Reddit is the prototypical example of this, and the prevalence of platforms like discord further exacerbates this since it fundamentally changes the nature of discussions, favoring short remarks over well thought out posts.
>> No. 26598 [Edit]
Most people got here from tohno linking it on the /a/ or /jp/ over a decade ago, or from word of mouth, so everyone here is a probably a hardcore nerd otaku loser.
>> No. 26619 [Edit]
Kinda unrelated but I got here from googling doft ponk and found a thread on /fig/.
Still, compared to the rest of the internet this place feels like a haven for people like us
>> No. 26638 [Edit]
I pretty much agree, being an old and slowish imageboard means that Tohno-chan attracts only a certain kind of people.

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25323 No. 25323 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
Post random things you remember. Little things that left an impression on you.

I was driving with my mom somewhere around the time I was in middle school. It was a long ride. I summarised the plots of eva and saya no uta to her. She seemed bored and a little put-off, but I think she was listening. Then she started talking about how Japanese people have a genetic propensity for cruelness which explained why they would make such things. I thought it was an interesting theory.
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>> No. 26507 [Edit]
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I was at my middle school graduation, walking in a straight line with the others in my grade to the gym. This girl I talked to a few times in math class who was behind me suddenly said "Anon, nobody likes you". Not in a loud voice, but enough from me to hear. My initial reaction was confused disbelief. At that point, I remembered hearing she had done something similar before to another girl. I guess was that that's her "bullying strategy", waiting until the last moment to insult somebody so she wouldn't be reprimanded. The entire rest of the ceremony was left, so I decided to emotionally numb myself and disassociate from my surroundings.

We sat in rows in the center of the gym and would get called up one by one. We then had to walk to the front onto a stage, say our name in a microphone, and receive a t-shirt from the principal. Everybody that went up got an overly loud applause, mostly from their friends. I just waited and waited, totally out of it until they called on me. I went up and said my name. A lot of people didn't clap and the applause was noticeably quieter than other peoples'. I got the stupid t-shirt and went back to my seat.

Few years later, my highschool graduation was coming up. I decided not to go to it because of my previous experience, and this one would require us to go to school an extra day and do a whole rehearsal. Strangely enough, I was kind of friendly with the highschool gym teachers. I wasn't athletic or did any sports, but I talked with them fairly regularly. Maybe it was out of pity or something, but I don't know for sure.

While we were signing something for the graduation in our gym, I went up to them and explained I wouldn't be doing it and hadn't bought the gown and shit. They were genuinely upset. Like I was committing sacrilege. One of them basically ordered me go to the office and tell the people there I wanted to buy a gown. I did go there, but instead told them I wouldn't be doing it and they needed to mark me as being absent or something.

I let the guy know I did this via email later that day. He responded that he wanted to see me, which got me a bit nervous. So I went to the gym teachers' office and he was sitting there alone. Instead of getting mad, he got weirdly sentimental and started going o
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>> No. 26508 [Edit]
I had someone at a job say something similar to my face. Didn't mean much though, her opinion meant nothing to me anyway. Besides, this person wasn't exactly popular at this work site, I've had to listen to others endlessly complain about them while not giving two shits then either. Popularity means nothing if these people can't or wont do anything for you anyway. Might as well be told an ant doesn't like you.
>> No. 26511 [Edit]
To contrast the thoughtful posts, today I remembered the night where my dad hurriedly walked into my room as I was enjoying a nukige. There was the typical awkwardness and embarrassment, but that's expected and uninteresting. Instead, what impressed upon me was his remark (paraphrased): "Why do they look like aliens?" Later that night we watched a movie about aliens. I'm not sure if it was on purpose or not.
>> No. 26633 [Edit]
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In fifth grade, I was standing around an empty hallway one day and picked up a quarter from the floor. A bit after, the principal came in from around the corner. I remembered it was his birthday today, so I gave him the quarter and said happy birthday. He was clearly uncomfortable and trying to act glad. I really enjoyed that.

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25306 No. 25306 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I hate having to go outside. I don't want to be around people and exposed to the elements. I hate it out there. I regret even thinking I wanted to go out somewhere.
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>> No. 25359 [Edit]
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Same, yet I love when a shaft of sunlight manages to get past my curtains and shines some forgotten object on my table or the tiny floating specks of dust and for a second there the entire apartment feels really quiet and beautiful. I also like very much when the evening comes and I can hear people and their vehicles at a distance, all rushing back home under that orange glow the sky gets sometimes. I like to look on a sunday morning through my window and there's absolutely no one on the streets. The outside looks really cool when you're on the inside, well, protected and cozy.
When I have to go outside though it kind of sucks, yeah. I get this feeling I'm prepping to go to a danger zone (which it is for all I know) and I have this mental checkup of all things I'll need to survive the 15 minutes I'll be out to do the groceries. The outside feels huge and clumsy. I can go from one end of my apartment to the other in about 16 steps or so. That's just enough to cross the first street on the outside.
The worst part however is also the most interesting. Inside my apartment I'm in a state of undiluted concentration and I only fully realize that when I'm back from the outside. For example, recently I was at this store and I saw some girl with a bunch of cut scars all across both her arms. I've seen that plenty in pictures online but never irl before. That bothered me for weeks for some reason. I don't like having too much real stuff inside my head, I think that's the source of my dislike for the outside. I like the outside like a painting in front of my window, I like there are people on the outside that makes this isolated life I lead possible but to be part of it is pretty rough and I don't like it.
I think this is a very old feeling, isn't this feeling basically why monks exist in all cultures? I don't know.
>> No. 26539 [Edit]
I like going outside for walks through the forest but I also do not like encountering people so I tend to only go when the weather is really bad, so it feels like I have most of the outside world to myself.
>> No. 26540 [Edit]
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I don't hate the 'outside', I hate people. I'd go out more if I didn't live in a filthy, dense metropolis. Seems like that's the general consensus in this thread anyway. I wish I'd lived in a quiet countryside.
>> No. 26542 [Edit]
At least in a big city no one notices you. In the countryside every neighbour is going to know you and be inquisitively interested in you.

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22622 No. 22622 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
What keeps you from committing suicide?
79 posts and 11 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 26535 [Edit]
Wish I could save all the NEETs, hikkis, and depressive types. I swear, if I ever fall into money, I'll do everything in my power to save as many of them as possible.
>> No. 26536 [Edit]
Raised Catholic and I can't help but believe in a God. I don't want to burn in hell forever and ever and ever just because I hate living. I'm trying to think long term about eternity. Even if Christians are wrong, basically every religion ever made looks down on suicide and I fear punishment

In other words, I'm a pussy.
>> No. 26537 [Edit]
>basically every religion ever made looks down on suicide
Not Buddhism, though they pretend it doesn't count as suicide if meditation is involved. The rules are made by the living and the living doesn't want their workers leaving their post too soon. People who commit suicide never get the chance to make their own religion which the living follow.
>> No. 26538 [Edit]
There really isn't much we can do is there? Unfortunate that some of us broke through the barriers of ignorance - the only thing that could make living in places like these bearable. I'm in an almost identical situation except I don't get along well with my mother.

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