Of course. I just try to reassure myself that I can somehow deal with it and try my hardest to hold onto that feeling, otherwise I end up breaking down and crying those feelings away.

It doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I'm surrounded by a world full of humans, supposedly like me but I can feel no connection to whatsoever. It questions the very essence of your existence.

It's strange, infinity and eternity bothered me when I was a child, I would cry myself to sleep at night thinking about how neither ending my existence nor living forever appealed to me. But right now, the idea of infinity just feels like endless opportunity to me, and I don't really mind either living forever or dying tomorrow. I have my waifu, so I do not feel alone. And besides, I've been talking to myself in my head since I was a kid, I'm very much adjusted to myself being my only company. It's a funny realization to make, but if you talk to yourself, you'll never feel lonely. Maybe I'm insane, but I'm too far gone to realize it or care if I am.

>>22680
I don't yearn for company and I've always talked to myself a lot too, I think it helps.

That's life for ya.

I have that too. I swing between good and bad fairly regularly but I'm not good at letting it out and it stays inside and festers. Then maybe once or twice per year I have a meltdown where depending on the severity I can be completely non-functional for anywhere from a few hours to my longest one lasting a week.

I'd honestly prefer to just be depressed all the time to this. At least then I'd know what to expect instead of wondering if I'm going to feel okay when I next wake up, or if It'll be one of those days where I need a few hours to build up hunger pains to motivate myself to get out of bed.

I thought I was coming out of my depression and I was worried because I've been this way since I was a kid, so finding who I was without it is kind of scary, I found myself wanting to go back to when things were less confusing and I could just be sad. Well they say be careful what you wish for because now it's back and with the added bonus of insomnia. So I guess it is normal

>>22643
I definitely know what that's like. It was weird to not feel sad at all when I'm so used to it and feel that I deserve it.

I'm the same way but I'm fine with it. It's great to keep reaching for higher heights, quite enjoyable. Given you have to enjoy the process of reaching said heights more than getting to the heights themselves or you'll get into trouble.

People like us need to be careful because we're prone to being taken advantage of. If life is game theory we play the cooperate card too much. People notice and we're easy prey to rack up points on.

Altruism is a lie; an elaborate mechanism of human parasitism. All humans are parasites. The defective humans, that is, the ones who aren't find themselves weeded out of the gene pool quite easily. And if they aren't they find themselves attached to a mate that doesn't give a shit about them. You're "a great guy" because you put up with their bullshit, you let them do whatever they want. You get the point. If you don't fight back, you don't compete, you're on the chopping block. Both literally and figuratively.

The only solution for people like us is to intentionally cultivate selfishness and narcissism. Otherwise people just take, and take, and take. Until you're drained of all drive, all love of life. And they lack the soul to even realize what they've done.

>>22581
>I do that with crappy anime. The worse it is the less attention I pay to it.
Why would you watch it if you don't like it?

>as long as you can still hear what they're saying anyway.
You mean you can understand Japanese?

>>22582
Well, my computer is pretty slow so I cannot do other things while anime is on, not that I would if I could.

If you set madVR to max settings then maybe it will take all the resources of your computer, disabling you to do other things and thus forcing you to only watch.

>>22584
>Why would you watch it if you don't like it?
Well like I said the less I like it the less I watch it. If I really don't like it then I just drop it.
As for why at all. It can help pass the time even if you're not looking directly at it.

>You mean you can understand Japanese?
A little. Enough to have a basic understanding of what's going on and follow along a bit.

yeah

There's a lot to be sad about.

Yes.
I've realized that I have mood cycles throughout the day. At some point I'll feel chipper and I'll be quite talkative and productive, but I always mellow out eventually and just sit and mope/shitpost. Sometimes I wake up like that and then get happy, but the transition always seems completely arbitrary either way

Yes. And I have plenty of things that I should be doing too.

You can't ruin a perfectly good thread with shitty premise like that. This is now a sushi thread, where cute girls make cute sushi things.

It certainly feels like i'm not good at anything

I know what I'm good at. The problem is I don't belong in society.

A few people I talk to online and that's pretty much it. I used to have a pretty good friend in high school so I do want more, but I'm kind of lazy to make the effort now and less people will seem to tolerate my weirdness here. That friend cut me off for good in the middle of 2015.

The memories were pretty good I'd say. If you can talk about anything with your friends, it's really like stepping into another world as silly as it sounds.

Constant disappointment. It's a few years (up to even 5 in my case) of bonding, fun and laughing together. Then they change and find other cliques to get into. I've been left in this dust to the point where I only have two, and I type to them daily about gripes, and they do the same to me. I'm hoping to god this isn't normal because otherwise I sympathize with a lot of people out there. Why is it so hard for people to stay the same? Why can't they be content with just one best friend? I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough.

>>22506
While I do think it is normal I don't think it applies to everybody. Though most probably do change if they get the chance to. I've had people undergo great changes and still stay the same, relatively speaking. Most people seem to change every so often, though. I think there's some craving for change within those people. It might be for the better not to be with them anyway, since they seem to want something else in their lives. The worst thing is that it can happen in an instant without warning. I guess that's my reasoning for not caring when someone successively starts cutting contact.

>>22506
>>22534
I mean, it's normal that people change.

>>22343
That'll do it. Bonus points for reading the comments normies leave on news articles.

>>22344
>Anyone with half a mind would be mad as hell and not be able to take it anymore.
Thanks Mr. Beale.

>>22329
Desire is an emotion.

>>22329
gore and CP
Not gonna lie, it is losing its sting a little. Be careful.

also the news, or drugs if you want anything at all and not just anger

When I used to I'd just refer to them as my cousin's friend if I ever had a story to tell about them. Otherwise, no I didn't specify it was my internet friend.

Depends on the person and situation. Some are more open to online friends than others and a lot of times there's no real need to specify so I don't.

On the occasion it's apt to mention they're online it's usually something along the lines of "A buddy of mine I game with out in [state/country]" then some reason why their location is relevant. Like "haha those crazy commies in cali".

All my friends are online though. I think at one point it used to bother my family but now they've just accepted it. People I have to associate with offline would probably find it weird if they found out but I don't think it'd come as too much a surprise to them.

I mention them in passing like "someone online I talk to said X" but never in more detail like what websites I go on or who they are. I think my friend thinks I go on 4chan mainly which is pretty amusing.
My father doesn't believe that I have friends online, he thinks you have to be face to face to really connect with someone. He said that I don't even know their real names so how can we be friends.
I remember he once told me he used to have a friend as a teenager that everyone just called by his nickname and he couldn't actually remember his real name and doesn't think anyone even knew it. So I don't think he gets it

The very few people offline I know consider my online hobbies extremely weird, for obvious reasons - being a disgusting weeb and failure at life.

As for online, I'm eager to socialize (IRC, namedfag forums) .. at first. But once the circlejerk gets too .. jerky, I flee. Hence the preference for anon boards.

Anybody with similiar abandonment issues?

eh, i'd be interested if you want to discuss books in irc or something. i'm not installing skype on my computer, that's been exploitable for a while

I'd be up for it.

I've read Ficciones, it's very good, and as a collection of short stories works well even if people haven't read the entire thing. Haven't heard of any of the others, but I'd give them a chance.

Why bother with Skype? We can just post in this thread, or maybe use IRC if people especially want real-time discussion.

>>22500
>>22501
I like the idea of real-time feedback, but I think it'd be slow and dead so a thread will probably suffice.

Do you have any preference on what book to read?

I'm down for using this thread too, too hard to coordinate a live chat. Always plenty of people that can't make it for one reason or another and we probably won't have too many people to begin with. Plus it helps keep the board a bit more active.

I don't really have a preference for which book to pick, they all look decent. Maybe throw up a poll or just use a random number generator to decide?

>>22211
I was not aware one was a high number.

>>22232
Ive seen at least two here

>>22238
I found that second one you might have been talking about but I didn't make that thread.

Read for an hour then sleep, hugging a pillow to my chest as i lay on my back listening to asmr videos on youtube

>>21932

I've had to readjust to regular contact with non-relatives. The only way to relearn this stuff is to expose yourself to it- force yourself to talk to people on Skype (or wherever else you can find people who want to talk) regularly.

it used to, i think it still does, not as bad as it used to
i tried but when you let people in you're bound to get hurt, i'll just occupy myself with things that can't hurt me, like drawing

It creeps up on me every now and then. I don't need or want friends, but I do want love - an absolute, perfectly compatible love with another person or thing. Someone with whom to stand, alone against all.

I know it's stupid and impossible, at least insofar as 3D is concerned. When I'm able to distract myself in a 2D fantasy though, at least I can feel some comfort.

I'm okay with it. It's also absolutely gut wrenching to think that I'll never meet the girl from my dreams. I can't really explain it.