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25805 No. 25805 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I'm going through a thing right now and literally have nobody else in my life and want to just legit chat with people who might have some clue what that is like. I was shit posting under the name drrdrr (I think,) and I removed you from my friends list on steam since you were never on there any other time anyway because I was in the process of removing everybody from it.

As I said, could really use somebody to talk to, normally I would call you a faggot or something for banning me over the mention of belle delphine, you know, playful banter? But I would rather just honestly talk than shitpost especially since you don't want the shitposting anyway.

If some other mod reads it, I used to be on this board ages and ages ago as a semi regular until I dropped off the face of the earth. Possibly different name, possibly different trip, tohno would know who I am.

Dunno if this board even has other mods since I haven't used it in years ayy lmao
2 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25811 [Edit]
>>25807

You do you man, if you can't take a joke it's little wonder you're fucking miserable.
>> No. 25812 [Edit]
I think I just inadvertently leaked my trip due to being retarded, but it's not like I use that password or trip so it doesn't matter. Feel free to use it to mock me I don't use imageboards anyway, just wanted to have a real convo on irc rather than shitposting.

Honestly though not sure that as a mentally ill person that surrounding myself with a hive of the same, is even a remotely healthy mentality.
>> No. 25813 [Edit]
>>25812
Why not delete the post and remake it? Also, it can be very therapeutic to interact with like minded people, where as it can be stressful to feel alone. Also, try not to make an ass of yourself if you want to have civilized chats.
>> No. 25814 [Edit]
>>25813

Dude, I'm in the midst of a nervous breakdown, I can barely think straight to figure out how to edit a post right now.

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25554 No. 25554 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
In a good home of course, have fun every day, everyone loves you and you genuinely bring joy to those around you just by being you regardless of age.

Woof woof. Bark bark. I've taken the woofpill for happiness.

Look at that boomer the dog guy, completely out of it but gotta envy him.
>> No. 25555 [Edit]
>>25554
So like a child without any responsibilities? Dogs don't have hands, anon. Even if you cut off your own hands, at least there's prosthetics.
>> No. 25556 [Edit]
>>25555
Exactly, I've reached the point in my life where I feel I'm spiritually broken and my attempts at functioning in society have backfired. Some reason my motivation went to zero.

I do wonder what happened to that Boomer the dog guy though, he's been inactive for years.

I'm not a furry but I wonder if reality always catches up with people eventually, I know ulililia it did. Adulthood was worse than I imagined as I figured I'd only get major physical deterioration in my 40s and above rather than 20s...
>> No. 25559 [Edit]
It might happen in the afterlife. I'd think my sort of similar wish would come true like that.
>> No. 25777 [Edit]
I would rather be a cat and stay home all the time

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25280 No. 25280 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
did you grow up poor
did you have an abusive childhood which led to you being fucked up
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>> No. 25652 [Edit]
>did you grow up poor

No, my dad makes a middle class income however he has a blue collar job and no education.

>did you have an abusive childhood which led to you being fucked up

My dad was always doing something and had very little time or interest for me. He used to smack me to punish me which I don't actually have an issue with in and of itself and he used to force me to do chores which again I don't have an issue with but he never showed any warmth to me or compensated me for the chores in anyway to counter it so I always say him as cold and like a boss you don't like, not like a father at all. Eventually my parents divorced and that was that.

I used to think my mother was caring and that she loved me but over time I have come to think that maybe she doesn't and it's just that she doesn't hate me. She doesn't hate me but she never shows that much warmth for me, she never asked me about what I like or made any kind of attempt to interact with me, hug me or get close to me as you would to a child. She just left me on my own, and that was another issue, even though we were middle class they did not spend much on me, my room was incredibly spartan and they never took me anywhere. My childhood was incredibly boring. I can't actually remember my mother ever trying to comfort me or anything like that either, maybe if I went to her she would hold me but that was it. Even as I got older, our relationship turned more into the kind a man would have with an older unrelated woman he lived with, I might talk to her about something and I often had to do the manly tasks for her but again, nothing really nurturing or caring came form her. It just had not occurred to me until quite recently that this is not really how mothers are meant to be.

What's worse is that I am actually the oldest of 5, and none of my siblings are treated like I am. I've seen them laugh and joke with my father and my mother goes out of her way to do things for them and spends money on them and bought them toys and asks them what they want. And all of my siblings care for each other and are close to each other too, even though I tried to be a good older brother to them I am not a part of that, I tried really hard to be
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>> No. 25658 [Edit]
>>25494
Yeah that could be it, or it could be getting beaten by my mom and slammed repeatedly head first into concrete as she screamed about wanting to kill me.
>> No. 25662 [Edit]
>>25481
that's definitely abuse
>> No. 25741 [Edit]
I grew up poor, yeah. But then again everyone around me was poor so I didn't really feel it that strongly at the time. By any metric I'm still poorer than the average person, but seeing the attitudes and behavior of the richer people in my country makes me disgusted, so I'm somewhat glad I didn't become like them. Wealth changes you as a person and very few can resist not becoming arseholes as a result.

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No. 25111 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Human beings are a disease, cancer of this planet.
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>> No. 25726 [Edit]
>>25725
An example of that would be Intelligence. IQ has been falling in developed countries for a while, since the 70s even according to some research.
>> No. 25727 [Edit]
>>25725
A very large number of animal species are "conscious". What sets humans apart most is language and the intelligence to abstract things, not consciousness. Decline in the species is also arbitrary. Plus, humans have been around for such a short period, and our own perspective is so warped, that we don't see the big picture. Even if we were "declining", that may just be a short term trend followed by massive gains in whoever is left.

>>25726
That can largely be attributed to demographic changes.

Post edited on 6th Jul 2020, 7:59pm
>> No. 25739 [Edit]
>>25111
Working at a grocery store really opens your eyes to how retarded the general population is. They're like bugs, they have no self awareness and are absolutely ignorant.
>> No. 25808 [Edit]
>>25739
I think any job that has you working around lots of people will do that. Just hanging out somewhere long enough will show you how bad people can be.

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25531 No. 25531 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How would you like to improve yourself? In what ways and by what methods? I don't mean self-improvement in the generic, conformist, commercial bs kind of way. People have ideals and things they see as virtues. There might be the idea of a "quality person" in your head which you would like to be.
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>> No. 25700 [Edit]
>>25699
Forgive me for misspeaking here when I implied you said tc is perfect, which you didn't, so ignore that part. Sorry.
>> No. 25701 [Edit]
>>25699
>>25700
What part should I pay attention to then? TC is far from perfect and? If there's more to it, like something that's better, i'd like to know.
>> No. 25702 [Edit]
>>25694
Can you give a concrete example of the cynicism you're referring to? It doesn't seem to leak out of /so/ too much, and even within /so/ the jadedness is of a more "constructive" nature than places like wizchan, where discussions (excluding the increasingly large fraction of tourists) are both more fatalist and less interesting.

Consequently I'd tend to agree with >>25698 in that – as far as I've found – there isn't really a better place for discussion in the same niche of topics. Despite the notion of "outcasts" comprising a large part of this site's thematic core, even if you were to look beyond that and stick to e.g. /navi/ or /an/ there's unparalleled signal to noise ratio. As a whole it may not be perfect, but I'd be hard-pressed to think of an aspect that could be improved; I'd be interested to hear if you think otherwise.
>> No. 25703 [Edit]
>>25701
I don't really feel the need to talk to anyone on a public board, and barely do at the moment anyway. I'd just post nowhere is what I mean.

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25156 No. 25156 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What do you think will happen after we die?(either by suicide or naturally).
Do you believe you will be reunited with your waifu on blessed 2D realm?
Or will your soul just vanished back to nothingness?

Post edited on 9th Jan 2020, 12:22pm
>> No. 25157 [Edit]
>>25156
>Or will your soul just vanished back to nothingness?
This one, except I don't believe in the soul. Your consciousness will stop existing though, yeah.
>> No. 25158 [Edit]
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25158
There's no "after" you die. Not for you anyways. So the nothing part, except it's not as nice as all that because "vanishing into nothing" sounds like you actually get to rest in death. Instead the only rest you'll ever get is whatever you can scrounge up while still alive. If your life is/was miserable that's all it will ever be, and death can't save you from anything. Hell, chances are even if "you" do manage to embrace death someone just like you will pop up again somewhere after some number of eternities, feeling as if no time has passed at all.

Only way out of this would be if somehow some godlike being or principle existed in the fabric or outside of this universe actively intending salvation of souls we don't even know we have. I desperately want to believe, but it doesn't seem likely.
>> No. 25159 [Edit]
I think you just shut off and that's it, nothing more nothing less.
>> No. 25673 [Edit]
>Do you believe you will be reunited with your waifu on blessed 2D realm?

i can only dream. there is a part of me that is truly hopeful that one day we will finally be able to be together, i just have to figure out how to get to her

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22193 No. 22193 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [First 100 posts] [Last 50 posts]
what is your disability?
112 posts and 11 images omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25606 [Edit]
After watching this lecture https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXiHStLfjP0 I've been reading The Master and His Emissary which is about the left and right brain hemisphere and how the left is taking over, and it's made me wonder about some things.

I've officially been diagnosed with schizotopy, although it might as well have been schizoid, and in the end I don't really feel it. I can relate to the things in the wiki article as well, but something seems to be off about it, as if it's really just one symptom listed as many. It could probably be described with "wanting to connect, but somehow being unable to". For some reason deep feelings like being hungry for love and having intense need of being involved with others are combined with being aloof and withdrawn which suggests the disconnect and also a wanting for it not to be so. It's like there's a war going on between the part that wants to connect and the part which wants to disconnect; it's like a war between the right and left hemisphere, in which the left hemisphere is winning.

I've been thinking lately how my surroundings coincide with my mental state. It's like my mind is closed, just as I've closed myself away from the world. Back when my parents got divorced, my dad kept a fairly large house and got a 3DPD soon after. I never ended up getting along with the 3DPD for different reasons, and most of the time I was secluding myself in my room on the upper floor with the 3DPD having the entire bottom floor, at least that's how I saw it. I never invited anyone over ever because I wasn't happy, but I didn't want to show it either. I couldn't talk to my parents either, and me and my sister was on bad terms as well. To sum it up I ended up secluded physically and emotionally, and I still am to this day. And while I call it seclusion, what it really is is a lack of connecting, a lack of seeing and being seen, hearing and being heard, feeling and being felt, a lack of physical, emotional and mental connection. I bottle things up, have a hard time voicing my thoughts, which in turn secludes me more.

If you live like someone who's mentally ill, you become mentally ill.
>> No. 25607 [Edit]
>>25606
>it's like a war between the right and left hemisphere

I think I always thought about the same you are talking but in completely different terms; more like the confrontation between expectations and reality. It's like the suicide dilemma, the suicide mostly loves life but because loves life that much he can't keep living in what it is a bad substitute of it or of the ideal he has of it.
For a more simple example, it's like having an exquisite palate and being given dry bread and nothing else. You will turn depressed and stop eating, then someone who can't catch the situation will say "this guy hates food".
>> No. 25608 [Edit]
>>25605
Question is then, why it did meet those parameters before? They just changed the parameters? I don't know but I can't help but feel it had nothing to do with a serious analysis or scientific methodology but because society just changed their views and they adapted to it.
>> No. 25609 [Edit]
>>25608
>They just changed the parameters?
The revisions to the DSM is a reflection of how plastic pychopathology as a whole is. For example paraphilias like sadomasochism used to be broadly represented but today a distinction is made between atypical sexual interest and a disorder. Earlier revisions routinely receive criticism for arbitrary definitions of normality, and the field as a whole was very also slow to adapt to new research on homosexuality.


It's a bit like how left-handedness used to be taught out of schoolchildren through the 1970's.

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25362 No. 25362 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Hey /so/. It's been almost 4 years since I've been out of high school and I've been apart of the "underground" internet culture since 2012 and I've been coming here since mid 2015. I moved out of my parent's in June of 2018. Since then I've refused to pay for TV or internet so the only internet I've had is public wifi and the 2 G's I get on my phone every month. Since then I've dabbled in psychedelics and have been eating a sandwich almost daily. I've been having weird dreams of being in school again. I feel like I miss being around people my age and there's not many young people where I work. Is this what true loneliness feels like? I still feel young but how fast technology has moved over the last half decade has made me feel disconnected from younger people. I really do think I'm just getting old and disassociated from society. I have no idea where this is going, just a few thoughts I wanted to share with TC.

Post edited on 8th Mar 2020, 4:05pm
6 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> No. 25371 [Edit]
>>25370
You Aren't thinking of the one that turns g0d into Haruhi are you?
>> No. 25392 [Edit]
damn it. i thought it was the other way around

i am not smart
>> No. 25417 [Edit]
>>25367
>I tried editing the post, seems to be a word filter for the herb
First filter I like.
By the way, I get what you're saying, those dreams I mentioned before have those same qualities as well, and I have also came up with similar explanations for the phenomena.
>> No. 25495 [Edit]
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25495

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25491 No. 25491 hide watch quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Have you ever felt like your brain has been so overwhelmed by an emotion, that eventually it ran out of steam and you were left feeling completely numb and apathetic? Most of the time this has happened to me with negative emotions, but there's been a few times where I felt an uncontrollable euphoria because of some incredible lucking out in bad circumstances.
>> No. 25492 [Edit]
My brain does not run out of steam, I never feel tired. Sometimes my brain switches from philosophizing to thinking in images, that's the point when I am able to dream for a few hours. Some kind of perfect idea, which I still have to comprehend yet, doesn't let me rest.

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25452 No. 25452 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
I've been having severe sleeping issues, recently, totaling over a hundred hours without any real sleep. It got severe after Friday evening, when I got the worst panic attack of my life where I was pretty much certain that I was going to die from suffocation from Corona-chan (I didn't have it but I thought so), so my mom had to call the emergencies to help me. Thankfully, the ambulance was never sent as they realized I just had a panic attack and I got to talk with a really professional nurse, instead, who guided me on how to try to remain calm. Later in the night, I still thought I was going to die, though, and started confessing all sorts of things to my mom about my hobbies, like a death bed confession of sorts, to keep her from later shock... she took it all surprisingly well and isn't seemingly judging me at all for my perversions, even still, and it honestly feels good to finally know that it doesn't gross her out how I am. While I'm now better, I got a sort of burnt-out breakdown from it that I'm still recovering from, which is giving me a feeling of pressure inside of my head... I hope it will pass, soon, but apparently it tends to take some time for it to do so. Anyway, from Thursday to Monday, I only got about eight hours of sleep, and three of those hours were in the night to Thursday, so really just five, then. Incredibly, I didn't start getting hallucinations before very late, aside from a more "normal" one, after waking up from very brief sleep, where I was thinking our dog was crawling under a sofa (my bed was on the floor, near the sofa).

Earlier yesterday, before I finally got some good rest on Monday afternoon, I was hearing barely audible, almost demonically creepy trumpet-like music in my head. My mom was taking me to the hospital for the insomnia, but we got there too early as I had forgotten the time to be there. On the way home, I thought she had the radio on on a super low, barely audible volume, but she didn't. I kept hearing it when we got inside the house, too, but it was too low to actually hear the melody. Then briefly later, while washing my hands, I heard some man, very close to the right of me, in a low voice, laughing "heh-heh-heh-heh," maniacally. It literally gave me shivers.

Then the night leading to Monday, I had to go get painkillers fo
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>> No. 25473 [Edit]
>>25472
Probably not.
Sounds similar to what I feel like and I haven't died yet. It appears to be mostly mental. Shit life syndrome.
>> No. 25474 [Edit]
>>25472
I'm having it too and I was absolutely terrified at the beginning when it started to show itself this year. It feels like my mind is associating sleep with death, which is the reason for me waking up after every two hours. Every dream ends with a shocking sound, a loud door slam, a waking word, a loud tone.
Lying on back is the most comfortable position.
Eating less doesn't help at all, the superfluous energy stays there for the auto-shock therapy.

The problem is deemed to be a mental condition.
>> No. 25475 [Edit]
>>25473
>>25474
Yes, I think it has to be the same thing you described, nightmares included. I will try lying back but I have never slept like that in my life, it feels weird.
There's something I don't get, I'm not particularly unhappy and just a few years ago I was a lot worse. Right now I'm enjoying the confinement of last month. I have less stress than ever, no doubt about that, then why it has to happen now?
>> No. 25476 [Edit]
I just started getting nightmares again this week. They are like re-experiencing certain experiences from many years ago. There was quite some time since I last had them, and I was even starting to think those would be past matters, what a thing. I don't feel anything in particular with regards to my body, just the nightmares themselves. I don't know whether the technical term would be bad dreams but whatever.

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25423 No. 25423 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Where have you tried looking for answers before regarding the desires which make you miserable? No matter how hard you look online or in real life or in your head, there's no permanent consolation, no real answer for those questions, at least as far as I know. I've tried time and time again periodically to find evidence that total acceptance of me from someone is a real possibility, and every time I came out of it with nothing. I never expect to find anything and i'm not suprised when I don't, but a feeling of dissatisfaction grows inside of me time and time again that eventually forces me to look despite all the things I know telling me it's pointless.

Post edited on 24th Mar 2020, 7:54pm
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>> No. 25447 [Edit]
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25447
>>25446
Tiny child who came out of a plant is another one. Thumbelina, The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter, Momotaro.
>> No. 25448 [Edit]
>>25445
I wasn't thinking about structure, I don't know enough about film theory to notice that.
It's something more obvious. There's always a man who goes from a lower point to an high one. Then he meets his hubris; depending on the movie, sometimes he gets destroyed by it, or redeems himself before that. He always mets a woman and starts a family, the woman always acts the same way (probably quite realistic though) and at some point it will get in conflict with the protagonist, because 1)economic reasons 2)not spending enough time with family/doing dangerous work or lifestyle for family. And she will abandon him and take the kids with her. There's also some rare variants without children or with children dying, but with similar results.
Just think all the (good or even great) movies with those elements, movies that can be completely different in setting and themes.
Think about Goodfellas, Amadeus, Scarface, The Lord of War, Barry Lindon, it's all there and that's just thinking about really good movies.
>> No. 25449 [Edit]
>>25445
It's also easier/safer to stick with a known structure than to risk something novel.
>> No. 25456 [Edit]
The only consolation I can give myself is that there might be a path to power that can physically and metaphysically re-write reality.

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