NEET is not a label, it's a way of life!
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27963 No. 27963 [Edit]
People are hard.

When I'm around them, I want to try and give people what they want, to make them happy and be viewed favorably, but it's so mentally exhausting. It's like they're all draining my energy when they're near. It's a never ending game of trying to say and do the right thing, but it's never enough. You can do everything perfectly day in and day out, but one little slip up and it's all over. It's all for nothing anyway. I've spent most of my life without friends(and certainly nothing more than that). The more I'd give the more they'd take. I find myself hurting myself and sacrificing my own happiness for other people all the time, for people who don't notice or don't care. I try to act the way they want me to, talk the way they want, anything to just give them whatever it is they want and ask of me. Maybe that makes me a doormat. It makes me not want to be around people or interact with them.
The other day someone told me I seem very introverted, like a nice friendly guy who talks when talked to but won't start conversations. That just left me thinking about how demanding people are, and how insane the idea of long term relationships with them is. To play their stupid games with someone everyday for years, I'd go insane
One of the reasons I avoid people and want to be (left)alone is because I know I'm just going to get roped into whatever it is they want/need. Worse yet is if they start getting attached, then they'll want even more from me, bigger and worse things, and I'll just do it.
I also have this fear of being a bother, and do lots of things big and small to avoid being an inconvenience to strangers, even hypothetical ones. Like not doing X because someone 'might' have an issue with it later.

I rather just look like an asshole, maybe even act a bit like an asshole, and hope no one talks to me. This has been what's generally worked for me so far. I actually have to try and hold myself back from trying to bend over backwards for people. Instead, I just kick myself endlessly afterwards for not doing more or doing better. Maybe people will take one look at me and think I'm a douchbag, but I think it's better this way. At least that way they'll avoid me. Nothing good comes from getting involved with people anyway, they don't care about me or what I want, it's always about them and what they want, and I'm just a means to help them get it.
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>> No. 27964 [Edit]
I just avoid talking and when I have to, I'm very boring and to the point. I don't care for their approval. I'm not selling anything to them.
Being an asshole isn't really worth it, as some people might stick around, and they'll probably be worse than the sorts that you'd normally get. That was my experience anyway.
>> No. 27966 [Edit]
This sounds heavy. Don't you have times when you just talk to people normally? Like forgetting about all the mind games or worry about how they see you? Try it and it might work. You will say something stupid occasionally but it will autocorrect if you keep doing it. I know people IRL who always talk from behind such heavy persona. Honestly, it is unpleasant to talk to them even when they play the "nice and positive" persona. (Except when they drink alcohol.)

My experience with talking to strangers is that some of them are totally nice and are happy to talk, others are total assholes. It's not under your control.
>> No. 27967 [Edit]
When it comes to people it's generally a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. I've had acquaintances at work pull me to the side and ask if I was okay because I walked past them without saying hi. They found it rude. I've also had people tell me flatout to stop talking to them when I thought I was just following the manners of greeting someone you're familiar with. Point is people are fickle, unpredictable and a good chunk are in some game of perpetual highschool bullshit.

The thing is I don't know that highschool bullshit is even the right word. I've learned to enjoy the occasional romance novel. They're fiction, sure, but they give some insight as to how people normally find friends or mates. Things are so subtle that it seems like most people don't have to put any effort in. They just pick up interest from the way people look at them and their body language. It's not something they consciously think about so they feel a lot more comfortable and natural. More than that they're a round peg going into a round hole while we're squares. We just don't fit and probably never will. Mommy didn't hold me enough and now I'm weird.

I don't think you should feel bad about this sort of insecurity. I sort of wrote about this here >>>/so/40941 It seems like seems like something everyone is born into but take diverging paths from. Most peoples need for validation and acceptance seems much more subconscious while ours isn't. It's why people react so poorly when you try to share this sort of thing. You're a mirror to their biggest insecurity.

I don't have a solution but I relate. What's helped me is to realize I'm a bit of a freak and it's largely due to factors outside my control. Kind of like money. If you ever hear a rich person talk about how to be wealthy they'll chant at you to start a business or buy property not realizing the reality most people in poverty live in. Social poverty isn't so different. Some kids really get shit handed to them and boast about "their" achievement not realizing how much of their character has been a group project.
>> No. 27968 [Edit]
I regret getting into face-to-face conversations where I sat in punishment and listened for minutes about news and TV stars when I expected something more delicate, from personalities I know for more than a decade out of all people! And I can regret it while they might as well have forgotten about it, at the expense of my time and energy; they talk every day for hours so they can throw the inferior goods at me, it seems. It's all compensation, escaping reality for inferior vulgar topics they can teach me about. They could be talking about pets, instruments or anything which has a personal mark. But then again, I did not bother to convince anybody about personal interests or any topic or fact which full-heartedly deserves an educated and sensible person's attention and devotion.
>> No. 27969 [Edit]
On the internet, where saying things has no real consequences, and anybody can read what you write. In real life, every interaction is like a job interview because everybody is self-absorbed, selfish, judgemental, and most of all in denial about it.

Post edited on 15th Jan 2023, 11:38pm
>> No. 27994 [Edit]
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>Don't you have times when you just talk to people normally?
Mostly just on the internet, where I feel like I can at least be more open and honest. I can also take my time, like I am now. But even then...
Even then I find myself constructing what I write in a way that wouldn't be so bad to read. I avoid saying things if I have nothing of value to say. I avoid strong stances, and saying things that might offend people. I toss in puns and jokes and pop culture references where I can. Sometimes constructing my posts and comments like little stories, reworking them so they flow better.
I also find myself roped into conversations a lot when I rather be gaming or watching anime. I have Steam on all the time but always keep it in invisible mode so people won't message me.

Someone I tried (and failed) to get close to once told me to stop talking like a movie character, to just talk to them like a real person. That one really stung. It's all I know. My friends, my mentors, my teachers, they've all been on the other side of a screen. It's the framework I base what little social skills I have on.
I don't even actually mind chatting with people, as long as it's in a more casual way I can jump in and out easily as I like, but when it's more direct, and when people start to expect things of me, or when I have to prove myself to some new community I've just joined, it can feel like a chore.

Even now I worry someone somewhere might hypothetically read this, connect some dots, and assume I don't like talking to them and feel hurt.
>> No. 27995 [Edit]
I can relate to a lot of this. I think the difficult part is finding a good balance for yourself. Also figuring out what to say or talk about is pretty hard too.
It just often isn't worth the trouble in my opinion, which is why I don't have friends I talk to.
>> No. 28033 [Edit]
Here's a good example of why I try to avoid people and act like an unapproachable asshole.
I got a little too chummy with a couple of my coworkers. One who does a similar job as me, and another who drives me from one location to another. With the first guy, I avoided being friendly with him for the last seven months in spite of sharing a desk next to him. Friday was his last day and I was instructed to train and learn his stuff. While doing so we got to talking, even sharing how much we couldn't stand our horrible boss. I think their view of me changed and they became much more friendly towards me. The following day he comes up to talk to me about some complaints he's going to file with HR about our boss and asks me for advice in earshot of everyone. As much as I don't like the boss, I'll still have to deal with him for some time to come and Word gets around quickly.
Then there's the driver guy. They get treated like garbage by the people in my department, and I've tried to be different. I text or call them hours ahead of our meeting/departure time while others expect them to wait all day in the parking lot, then depart at a moment's notice. They're told not to play music in the car or talk to us or anything but I let them know I don't mind. I also wouldn't mind if they needed to make stops along the way.
Now the guy won't shut up and makes it hard for me to concentrate on my work. I let them know hours in advance when to meet me, and the guy shows up half an hour late because they took a nap in the car. He also tried to pressure me into hanging out with him on the weekend to watch the Superbowl. I appreciate they're trying to be friendly but that's the last thing I want to do, and they seemed almost hurt or disappointed when I turned them down.
All in all it just seems like everything is easier when I keep people at a distance.
>> No. 28034 [Edit]
Does your workplace just have some guy who drives everybody around?
>> No. 28035 [Edit]
There's a bunch of drivers, and it's not all of us. I have to go to different locations in the area for my job, and someone drives us to each one. Generally it tends to be the same locations, but sometimes we get special requests so I have to give the drivers directions on where to go.
>> No. 28114 [Edit]
I had go back to college, and I'm suffering so much there that I'm about to give up and just get. There is no way of someone like me become one of them, no, there is no way.
I tried hard become part of that normalfag cattle, but I failed hard on that since 2000, when I tried for the first time become part of normalfags only to be bullied to death and dropout high school.
I don't have words to describe the hatred I harbor toward normalfags, but after twenty three years, few comes and goes to mental health institution, I'm already okay with just live my life peacefully and laugh at their misery when I see some poor idiot is buying diapers and baby formula along his woman while I do my groceries without any worry in my mind aside if get a pack of beer or just a bottle of vodka.

It's fucking hard, maddening, and I need go to remote areas so I can scream the shit out of my lung so I can take out the hate of my body.
>> No. 28153 [Edit]
>I can scream the shit out of my lung so I can take out the hate of my body
what exacly are you hating and want to scream about ?

Post edited on 23rd Apr 2023, 2:33am
>> No. 28163 [Edit]
I'm a little like you OP. I'm kinda of a doormart and it got more troubles that I asked for, I came to the conclusion that the more you are willing to help the more the people you are trying to help will think of you as a weakling.

No matter how much I tried, I can't be rude. It's mentally exhausting for me to be so. So, I have resorted to the other option in my meager arsenal, ignoring people. Ignoring doesn't require much work and it has proven effective.
>> No. 28432 [Edit]
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>the more you are willing to help the more the people you are trying to help will think of you as a weakling.
So many posts like these lately bring me despair. Every other person you are kind to will remember your kindness, it's just that like everywhere negative experiences are harder to forget. That's why it's important to not become drawn into this negativity by spreading it. Being nice makes me feel good, and it's my own responsibility to judge if people deserve it or would use me as a doormat, maybe the weakness you talk about is coming from a lack of confidence others smell and not the helping in itself.
I mean everyone can be an asshole if they really want to, but everyone can also be nice too wich takes more effort. Seeing these being nice is weak posts is only encouraging people to become even greater assholes in my opinion.
>> No. 28433 [Edit]
>Every other person you are kind to will remember your kindness
Realistically, no they won't. Negative memories are stronger, and people are more likely to remember an asshole than a kind person. Maybe if it's some once-in-a-lifetime event then sure they'll remember it, but the day-to-day average kindness is easily forgotten. But on the flipside such once-in-a-lifetime kindness usually require non-trivial effort on your part anyhow, and are a much stronger gamble.

So that's not to say you should be an asshole, but at the same time there's no point going out of your way to be kind. If you will there's some sort of effort/kindness landscape, and the sweet-spot is somewhere in the middle, where the ideal is to be kind so long as it doesn't require too much effort on your part.
>> No. 28436 [Edit]
>Realistically, no they won't.
Well we can only guess, I at least do remember a few strangers from even 20 years ago who did something selfless for me, more than stuff I did to others that I perceived as being nice actually.

>Negative memories are stronger, and people are more likely to remember an asshole than a kind person.
That was the point I also tried to make, I sure remember more dicks from my past than nice people. The question is why would someone prefer putting others down instead, if they're aware of the fact that those memories will last longer. Because they don't give a hoot about others and it's easiest for them, and that's the last thing I want to take as life advice.
Either way I think you're more talking about a stoic approach in general, which can seem arrogant but kind of neutral and definitely fine.

>So that's not to say you should be an asshole, but at the same time there's no point going out of your way to be kind
I think the problem is people don't realize that they're being dicks, because that is their go to and nobody bothered to teach an asshole, so maybe the nice thing would be to point out their behaviour. You shouldn't bend backwards for someone, but if you don't care about your surroundings and about how you're perceived at all then you at least shouldn't be rewarded for being unkind and selfish.
>> No. 28438 [Edit]
I think what also matters is the mental state a person has. Somebody who has got the short end of the stick for a long time will appreciate it way more if they suddenly get some help, even when it is just a small deed.

> That was the point I also tried to make, I sure remember more dicks from my past than nice people. The question is why would someone prefer putting others down instead, if they're aware of the fact that those memories will last longer.
The same applies here, in my opinion. Every little thing could possibly push somebody over the edge. Besides this who knows when you encounter somebody once more? I had it happen so me and was quite surprised to see what was remembered. I would rather be nice and bland, than mean and memorable.
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