>>28227
There's also the watch anime (or manga if you prefer that), aimlessly browse the web (or whatever good pieces are left of it) portions. But yes, that's pretty much it. At best you can hope to get by yak shaving things until you eventually die.

>My best years are behind me and they weren't any good. No one wants me, no one likes me as anything more than a casual acquaintance at best. I have very little to show for my life so far
From my perspective it seems you care too much about how others perceive you and you compare yourself to some kind of standard you have set for yourself. When you stop taking things too seriously and learn to take it easy and enjoy the good things in life, it could clear up some of that pressure. I recommend alternating between doing different things to keep things from getting stale, even doing boring things to make you appreciate fun things more. Think of some things you'd like to accomplish, even if you don't believe you can do so and work on them every now and then, without caring too much about the results. You might end up accomplishing something you never thought you'd be able to. Don't take life too serious, just enjoy the ride while it lasts.

OP I don't want to label you, but it sounds like you have anhedonia. I had it for a couple years, and eventually it went away by itself. Even now discovering things I like feels like a chore.

>>28234
Honestly never heard of that before. Looking into it I can see how a lot of it would apply, aside from the sickness thing. I'm like some baka that never gets sick. Which makes me a little skeptical of labels like that with broad symptoms that can apply to a lot of people.

>>28229
Not bad advice. I really should force myself to be more social and outgoing and crap, not that I haven't tried, it's just mentally draining. Even if I can somehow bullshit my way though interactions with people enough to make them not hate me, I can't keep it up, and part of me worries they might actually take a shine to me. With few exceptions, I've had mostly bad experiences getting close to people. It's like I've been rewired over a life of rejection abuse and manipulation, to freak out if people start getting too friendly with me. Then they're going to start expecting things of me, wanting things, least of all I'd have to keep bullshitting and acting normal happy and friendly. They might screw me over, intentionally or unintentionally if I give them the opportunity to, so I give them nothing.

Going out feels pointless. anywhere I go, I'm just going to ask myself what the point of being there is. Go hiking? Go to the beach? Go to a park? Why? What am I supposed to do there? Normies have fun or find it relaxing, I get that, I just don't get much out of it myself. It's like yeah that's an objectively good view, now what? I take photos simply because it's the thing to do, maybe even help give some point to the trip, as if to say taking the photo was part of the goal. There is no goal though, no point, no anything other than to enjoy yourself, and that I can't do. Me and emotions like joy and happiness don't really get along. The best I can do is feel a sense of comfort when alone, because then I know no one is going to bother me.
I do wish things could have been different, I see people laughing and playing together, having fun and seeming to enjoy life. To do the same feels like trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. I've tried to shave off my corners, even met a few people who tried to help a little here and there, but in the end I think I'm a lost cause. All I can do is watch as an outsider as a world I have no place in passes me by, and hope no one notices and starts to bother me.

>>28243
>aside from the sickness thing
I don't think anhedonia has anything to do with physical sickness? Anhedonia is pretty specific and usually paired with melancholia (depression)

>there is no goal though, no point, no anything other than to enjoy yourself, and that I can't do
Your perspective is correct (and the ones taking photos aren't really enjoying themselves but trying to convince themselves they are, by creating so-called "memories" they can pseudo-nostalgically look back on later). Hiking may be relaxing if you find being in nature calming, but other than that there's not really much there. Also most people keep trying to chase experiences thinking it will bring them some sort of "happiness" (why else would people go on vacation after vacation), but it inevitably never does.

As you noted, the best you can hope for is not some abstract ideal "happiness" or even "contentment" but rather a lack of discontent, which you mentioned as "sense of comfort when alone" (for other people, such comfort might be in the presence of others, but that's really down to personal complexion). As for what you can spend time doing, ultimately most things you do are trying to ward off discontent, or distracting yourself so you don't notice inherent bleakness.

For the latter I'm reminded of a metaphor of a person who keeps sharpening a knife to keep himself occupied. He doesn't really need to do it (if he ever needs a knife, there's a dozen in the kitchen drawer), nor does it have any real point. The only reason he does it is to keep himself occupied on a task. Similar to that, most people spend their time yak shaving. (E.g. if you spend a lot of time on the web, and know programming, there's endless such yak shaving tasks to keep you busy, such as writing custom css styles to make webpages less shitty, etc. It's ultimately pointless since it doesn't give you any new functionality, but it keeps you busy and possibly lessens discontent).

The other thing you can do is distract yourself, most entertainment falls into this category (and much of the "experiences" people try to seek out). It's possible that you find that nothing is really stimulating enough to distract you, which might unfortunately be because your personal hedonic set point [1] is for whatever reason fairly low.

Maybe also try reading pessimist literature/philosophy to see that just because your feelings are not mainstream doesn't mean they're wrong. Mainly Peter Zapffe's short essay, The Last Messiah [2]

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill#Happiness_set_point
[2] https://openairphilosophy.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/OAP_Zapffe_Last_Messiah.pdf

>>28244
>most things you do are trying to ward off discontent, or distracting yourself so you don't notice inherent bleakness
I've had similar thoughts many times, but part of me wonders whether I, and most other people here, are biased because our lives are especially uneventful. Maybe there's people out there who actually have interesting lives, and or feel profound joy on a regular basis.

>>28244
>For the latter I'm reminded of a metaphor of a person who keeps sharpening a knife to keep himself occupied
That's me, I like knives
I wish Life would end soon

>>28244
Well put. I should probably stop trying to force myself to have fun, at least in ways that should be but aren't (for me).

>>28247
She needs a Momo to enjoy it with~