>>28371
So you want to find someone to talk to?

>>28376
Don't know. Some days I do, some days I don't. Yesterday I wanted to, today I feel resentful when I think about it.

>>28377
So you want someone to talk to from time to time then?

From my experience what works is you reaching out to people, insofar as that has been the only way I have made a relationship online, be it a short-lived acquaintance or someone I dare to call a friend, so try to do that. Reach out to those who you feel like you share something significant with, this matters most.

At least the act of finding a nice picture to post is theraputic enough but god damn I cannot take this shit.

Here's two because I've been having daily thoughts for a while now about blowing a hole through my head that sometimes and sometimes don't include blowing a hole through someone else's head too. This is a fun VN by the way, it's called Hanahira.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed these days. I'm not suited to dealing with people as I've had to do recently. I just want to stay in my room for a few months, but I don't think that's an option anymore.

Been thinking about it a lot for a while now. I don't need/want attention or to talk about it with anyone, I just need a reason not to do it because I have far too many reasons why I should.
I'm just living the epilog of my life, which was a shitty story anyway. I just want it to end already.

>>28403
>I just need a reason not to do it
It's selfish reasoning, but if everybody here who thought about suicide went through with it, tc would, at best, actually become a ghost town.

Can't focus.

I am so fucking retarded it hurts - just "bright" enough to know how comically stupid I am.
At least my nightmare of a life will end relatively soon, so worrying about it now seems counterproductive if anything. I should just take it easy for the time being.

>>28366
>>28371
Same, Anon, same.
I fantasize about having someone to talk to about my interests. Someone who i know virtually nothing about and vice versa, yet someone who still has a name and an identity. With whom i could share the interesting article i found, show them the game with three votes on VNDB that i will totally play soon™, talk to them about that one shoujo volleyball anime from the 60's that nobody in the west gives a flying fuck about and its influence - maybe occasionally talk to them about my day, though I'd be afraid of things getting too personal.
Mix my social skills with not knowing where to look and it just feels like a pipe-dream at this point, a mere fantasy. And the worst thing is that at one point i had someone who was sort of like this, but things happened, i messed up - and honestly, i don't know if i will ever talk to that person again. My biggest regret is not showing my appreciation enough. Happens.
IRC and the likes of it scare me, partly due to the "cliques" and everyone already knowing each other, partly due to my social retardation even online and real-time communication being somewhat difficult.
And ironically, while imageboards may seem like the perfect format and "way to go" for someone like me, in my experience being just another nameless user talking to other nameless users gets nothing short of even more isolating after a while, even on the more slow-paced IB's like Tohno where there is a greater sense of community. It used to scratch the itch, but now it simply doesn't - it just reminds me of what i could have, but i don't.
Anyway, i know it's been a month [almost!] but i hope things get better for you eventually, isolation is a bitch.
If i don't have any "friends" to send it to, then i hope that at least you get to enjoy the 2D girl. And the thread theme applies, so I'm killing two birds with one stone.

>>28417
Right. I also ruin it even when I do get the chance.
>been a month [almost!] but i hope things get better for you eventually
Same hopes for you.

I understand your feelings, way more than i would have wanted.
For as long as memory goes, i've never had a friend. Even as a child.
You would expect me to be accustomated to solitude by now, and yet here I am, venting in an anonymous pit.

We make do with we have.
Anyway... I don't believe friendship, the kind of which I would play in my mind, exists. Some sort of nakamas helping each other out and going in an adventure.

Most people are cold blooded, calculating and brutal. I've never felt more alone than when I am with people like in the workplace, it's at these moments that I realize how much i am different, how much i'm far too gone.

Post edited on 24th Aug 2023, 2:58pm

I wish i could just swallow my pride, kill my damn ego and truly understand how meaningless my death would be. The things I like will still have thousands of people appreciating them, the boards I post on will still have dedicated users. Life goes on. I am nothing, I contribute nothing.

>>28423
Maybe it'd help to be reminded that it's not a bad thing. Actually having significance to anything in this world is pretty hard. Not any of those thousands of people are much more significant on their own either, obviously.
I'd say it's completely alright to not have your death have any impact so you shouldn't worry about swallowing your pride about it, but that's just my two cents.

>>28423
it's good to think of this world as a dream.
if you have a nightmare, you just tell yourself "it's just a dream"

>>28424
Thank you so much. Even if I'm conscious of it on some level, hearing it from an external source is comforting.
>>28425
I did that a lot as a kid. Everything is just a vivid, lucid dream..

If you're not remembered, then you never existed, right?

>>28444
Most people aren't remembered, but if they didn't exist, society as we know it wouldn't either.

Everything crumbled again.

Sup everyone, just checking in on my monthly mental breakdown where I write an essay about how bad things really are (not in the mood to share here, nothing personal, just that the essay is) and nothing happens until the next time of the month, enjoy a spooky anime girl cuz it's nearly October thus it's technically appropriate and to be honest I wish I could care about whether it's appropriate or not

>>28447
Cute girls are always appropriate

I still want to die despite being happy and content. Even though I spend most days having a good amount of fun and feeling relatively okay, the thought of just dying and going away is so much better to me than anything life has in it. Everything could be perfect and I'd still rather wanna sleep forever instead.

I'm too cowardly to kill myself. I have been thinking about leaving home and becoming homeless, if things don't progress as planned. Just lie on some alley and starve to death.
I can see really nice dreams and I know it's possible to realize them but I've been born in a cage. I feel like in a prison. I feel tied to a sinking ship. Something went very wrong, I don't know what. I've been led by a lot of bad influences but my mental state is getting better, I think I overcame the negative influences, but it's too late now. It's like waking up from a lifelong comma at the age of 80, it's great to be alive and finally awake but there's not much you can do now. Every day I make a little progress, even if it's just a millimeter, it feels so good, but I'm not making progress fast enough, I'll drown. It's really hard to get this across, there's just something I feel, and I feel a strong attraction for certain things, I have an impregnable set of beliefs, and a volition, but it's like being a bird in a cage, or having your wings clipped. I believe if you really want it, it should be possible somehow, but that's just not how the real world works. It's just that there are a lot of things that I really want to do but the world is a prison. I think I have what it takes, or at least I would love to spend my life trying, but my life is very bad and I'm very unlucky, I never had a chance like everyone else, it feels like being born in the wrong body. I feel like I'm a mistake, an accident, a glitch, someone who just isn't meant to be, even though I really want it, and I really believe it, and I can feel it, even if no one believes me. I want to be free. I want to try, I want to be myself. But it's a prison.
There is something incommunicable that I can't say no matter how much I try. I give up on communicating. I assume it's impossible, or something I'm not supposed to say. I resign on communication. It's not that I don't like communicating, it just never works well. I'm the worst.

>>28453
If you are who I think you are then I'm glad to hear that you are doing well. Compared to your old posts, you do seem like you are doing better. It's probably of no consolation to you but I do relate to the things you've spoken of and I'm trying in my own way to realize that vision of freedom. I'm in no position to say much but I do hope you hang in there and wish you the best of luck.

>>28452
I'm living my life better than I was before and despite having something I finally want to strive for, I realize that the warm embrace of eternal rest is still what I seek at the end of the day.

>>28444
I can understand the rationale of people wanting to leave a legacy to be remembered as a proof of existence but personally I find it to be a burden.

Sorry.

why not.

as usual

Been a while, I suppose this is the only path for some people. I hope I'll be able to figure out the way to walk the path.

I've struggled all my life to find a reason to live. I can't find a reason to continue and I doubt I ever will, if anything I fear the opposite is true.

really tired

Been having a terrible streak of luck, nothing is going well. Exhausted.

I hate that there are things out of my control. When others fuck up it affects me, and I have to fix it because somehow they're absolved of all responsibility. Why aren't there things in place to prevent fuckups from happening? My entire life is on the line here.

>>28553
>Why aren't there things in place to prevent fuckups from happening?
Because it's cheaper and easier to hire a cleaner-upper?

I wish 2d was real.

>>28560
Me too man, me too...

>>28560
I wish we were 2D.

I want to communicate but I can't properly express myself. There are things I want to do, but I was born into some kind of hell and don't seem able to escape it. I lost my entire life so far, and it seems too late to turn it around. I think about it (suicide) because I think I'll never realize any of the things I dream of. I've had suicidal thoughts almost daily since I was ~8. I don't know how to explain how I feel, I'm too weird even for a place like this. I just want to follow a certain path and be closer to an ideal, there are ideals I want very much to realize, things I want to try doing/making/creating, but this life is difficult. I can't translate what I mean into words, I wish I could show the real thing. I've always felt something/believed in something, and always wanted to try directing it towards something nice, but I feel like I never had a chance. I want very much to but I think I won't make it. There are many things I wish I could say but I don't want to be a bother so I'll try to stop.

>>28597
Nice art.

I think this has hit the bump limit as well. Anyone up for creating a new thread?

>>28599
I will.