NEET is not a label, it's a way of life!
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26312 No. 26312 [Edit]
Last one (>>23024) hit the bump limit.
It was nice having a thread to casually express those somber thoughts.
61 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Expand all images
>> No. 26576 [Edit]
>This idea of life as struggle doesn't hold any charm to me
I find it ironic that the people who usually say this are usually the ones who don't feel it as much of a struggle in the first place.
>> No. 26577 [Edit]
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>> No. 26578 [Edit]
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>> No. 26580 [Edit]
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>> No. 26581 [Edit]
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To lie down and sleep forever. Sounds nice, doesn't it?
>> No. 26582 [Edit]
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Yeah. I don't think this enormous effort that requires life is particularly worth it, from a mere logical point of view. I spend most of my time working and preparing for work, while the little time that's left is resting to be ready for the next. I don't see the point anymore, I don't even think humans were supposed to live like that but I guess that thought makes me a lazy loser.
>> No. 26587 [Edit]
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Posting a cap from my phone because setting up my laptop would be a pain at the moment.
I'm pretty much at wits end. Just got my rv back from the mechanic and after dumping more than $2000 into it, it's not running any better. I barely got the thing into a Walmart parking lot a mile away and the security here couldn't wait to give me a hard time.
I can't see how this peice of crap is going to get us the rest of the way across the country when it struggles to move in a flat parking lot. I can tell that the mechanic are just going to "fix" one thing after another while draining my finances without solving the problem.
I miss having a room, a weeb den to shield me from the ugly outside world. That's all gone now and I'm essentially homeless, stuck with huck of junk that won't take us back or take us forward. I've got no one to turn to or talk to about this. My mother is with me but she's about as helpful as a tumor. In spite of my best efforts to keep it together I think the stress is getting to be too much for me. If I could I'd sell the rv for whatever I can get, take what I got in a uhaul and go the rest of the way staying in motels like one anon here recommend. This thing is just going to break down in the middle of nowhere I can tell. Doesn't help when my dad does things like fly into the area just to show off his new plane. He couldn't care less about my situation.
I feel like I'm trapped in this region, not allowed to leave it, and any attempt to will be prevented if not punished. Suicide feels like my only way out of this nightmare of a life.
>> No. 26588 [Edit]
It's kind of weird your dad cares enough about you to show off his plane to you, but not enough to help you out in any way.
>> No. 26589 [Edit]
He doesn't do that because he thinks I want to see it, he does it because he assumes as much. It's just to feed his ego. He's a text book example of a narsastic sociopath.
He doesn't want me to leave and go too far, but only because I've proven some usefulness to him. He won't do anything to make me want to stay though. He basically sees me and everyone else like tools, who are only worth as much as the services we provide. In my case It was helping him with computer related issues and listing his cars and planes for sale. Asking him for anything can and will just make him unreasonably angry. The only way to get along with him is to kiss his ass. He's one of the things I want to get away from by leaving California.
>> No. 26590 [Edit]
I relate to your feelings. As I see it everytime I end in a bad situation and I feel trapped I need to take a drastic decision that changes everything and stick to it. Remaining there takes an enormous mental toll, things can only degrade and each time it gets harder. If you're already feeling suicidal you've reached that point for sure. I'm the opposite of being impulsive, I'm mostly a coward that fears risk, but as I get older it becomes a survival matter.
>> No. 26591 [Edit]
Do you actually have a destination in mind? Because if you do, I'd prioritize getting there as soon as possible. Here >>/ot/38327 you say you spent $2,250, here >>/ot/38343 you say you spent over $1k, and just now you said you spent over $2000. So is that like $5000+ just in repairs? In less than one month? And they don't even work? That's fucked. Abandoning it somewhere might not be that bad an option if you can't sell it. You'd at least save yourself from wasting even more money.
>> No. 26592 [Edit]
Forgive me for asking, but why are you traveling across the country? If the goal is merely to get to the other side (har har?) then it seems like it _might_ be more economical to just fly (especially during current times where flight capcity is abundant). Or is it just aimless wandering hoping to settle somewhere anew?
>> No. 26593 [Edit]
$2,250 was the price I was given by the first shop I went to. We turned them down and went elsewhere. Paid $1200 or so instead. But then that didn't solve the problem and paid another $900 today at the same (second) shop, which put me over $2000 with them.
We don't have an exact destination in mind. That's honestly part of the problem. We just figured we'd explore the state of Texas and try to find a town that seems nice and settle down there. Not being picky seemed like it would give us more options and make things easier. If nothing else my mom has a sister in Denton that we can maybe stay with for a bit and who might set us up with work. It's more that what my pops offers. And yeah, honesty I've considered the abandoning idea too. For all I know this really could take $5k to get fully operational. Selling it would take a while under normal circumstances, more so with mechanical issues. We wouldn't really have time for that. - and while typing this another guard showed up with his supervisor to chase us off.
>> No. 26594 [Edit]
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>We just figured we'd explore the state of Texas and try to find a town that seems nice and settle down there.
That's a little haphazard. There's plenty of research you could do about a town without having to see it in person. It's good to hear you might have more helpful family, so maybe get in touch with them? Anyway, I hope you get past this shitty situation.
>> No. 26595 [Edit]
What happened to your old place? Were you renting it before?
>> No. 26596 [Edit]
We weren't renting it, we rented out a room in it to someone else that's all.
We decided to sell it and hit the road looking for someplace better after our town went to shit. If you Google Hemet California you'll see articles calling it one of the most missrable places in the state, and they're absolutely right.
Our idea was to take our time seeing the country and exploring different areas to try and find something we like along the way. You can't fully trust reistate agents, they'll mislead you about areas. We almost bought one house we found online but learned at the last minute that the area gets hit with huricans and nasty weather on a regular basis. I've also worked with people who traveled across the country and got stuck living in Hemet, only to find out how bad it was once they got there.
In retrospect this has proven to be retarded. It would have been better and cheaper to just fly out and rent a place for a while as we search.
>> No. 26597 [Edit]
Sounds like a really unpleasant predicament, I hope you'll find a decent new place to settle down in soon.
>> No. 26602 [Edit]
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This winter will be decisive.
>> No. 26605 [Edit]
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>> No. 26606 [Edit]
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I messed up so much.
But it's gonna be daijobu.
>> No. 26607 [Edit]
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Anime girls don't care about failures or mistakes. They are infinitely patient and eternally warm.
>> No. 26608 [Edit]
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>> No. 26609 [Edit]
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>> No. 26610 [Edit]
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The only thing keeping me from taking my own life, are distractions which keep me from thinking about my life.
>> No. 26620 [Edit]
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im very close to changing
i am getting into programming and its what ive looked for my whole life
with programming i can stop caring about the outside world and live in my own reality
it feels like walking through a door to another universe where theres only me and im free to make anything i can imagine and i can imagine anything i want. its a feeling so awesome, that im afraid of it.
ive tried using anime girls to that end but they just dont click my brain the way programming (and mathematics and computers) do
i used to try and fit in places like this but im stupid and weird and bad, no one likes me. with programming i can just write a lot of code alone and make a lot of money, i can spend the rest of my life living in my own headworld. i dont have to think of anything else again.
im making plans for the future. im thinking of getting a bs in applied mathematics and focus on learning various programming languages and a lot of maths in the first 4 years, things like neural networks machine learning algebra and so on. then a ms in cryptography and learn ciphers, cryptanalysis etc. then a phd in infosec and focus on the practical side of stuff and studying linux and networks in depth. i dont know im very confident. maybe ill make a cryptocurrency or something related to blockchain and i have a lot of ideas for ai. i really like cryptography and hacking. id rather read milcryp than taocp.
im just getting started though, ive wasted my whole life, my guardians wanted me to grow up to be a civil servant. i used to be called the best student in school and always loved maths but ive never considered programming or a career in stem thanks to my guardians. i dont know im very glad im finally free and i can choose what i do with my own life. im experiecing for the first time things practically everyone takes for granted like freedom etc. its very scary, you have no idea how much fear i feel.
ill always be alone from now on. i dont fit in anywhere im a weirdo, all i can do is study every day and try to be the best i can, this is my calling i think its what i like to do and makes me feel alive, it feels like a mission or purpose too, i think its what im good at.
i dont know it feels like im leaving humanity behind and i wanted to say goodbye.
it feels like im dying or destroying a very important piece of myself, like my soul if theres such a thing, im very hesitant about this but i think im going to do it so i wanted to talk about it. im just going to spend the rest of my life learning more about programming maths and computers every day and nothing else. its all theres in my head now. im turning into a machine. its very scary. i dont know what else to do, im not "normal" and never got enjoyment from things like videogames or talking to other people. and ive reached the point where i cant fake it anymore, i cant tell myself im normal or try to be normal any longer. i like imageboards because they give me a glimpse of normal life. and i never interacted with people outside of them except for greetings, nodding etc.
i wish i had started earlier, i think id be awesome by now, i can still be awesome but it will take longer and it will be very different from what could have been, i think by now its pointless and im hopeless but its what is right and what i like and what i want to do.
sorry im an eyesore, stupid schizophrenic loser retard subhuman, sorry for posting. i dont know im very scared.
>> No. 26621 [Edit]
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Congratulations, not many people are lucky enough to be able to have things fall in place and find their calling in life. I'd honestly even say that I'm somewhat envious. I've waited my whole life but never could find anything that would "fit", perpetually always stuck in the middle and unable to move forward or backwards. I desire to reject humanity completely but I do not have the means as you do. I can understand feeling scared and overwhelmed by what could potentially be a very big change and the enormous uncertainty ahead. I hope things would work out for you and that you will find your freedom and peace, good luck.
>> No. 26622 [Edit]
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Only cute anime girls can distract me from this worthless life of mine.
>> No. 26623 [Edit]
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I pity all the sad souls here that got dealt a bad hand and cannot get out of it.

Only advice I can offer is to devise a simple yet reliable plan to get out of it, put extraordinary effort towards that goal and be consistent in it.
A change will surely occur sooner or later.

Have a cute girl that assisted me at the times of hardship.
>> No. 26624 [Edit]
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Your advice is common knowledge. Knowing what they should do or should have done is the smallest, least significant part most people here's problem.
>> No. 26625 [Edit]
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I hate being so anxious and uncertain and worrying about everything (no matter how minor). I wish I could be cradled by an anime girl and let all these worries go.
>> No. 26627 [Edit]
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No matter how much effort and time I put into it, calc 3 continues to be impenetrable. The realization that one's intelligence is the limiting factor hurts more than I thought. Can't even do basic service right, too. Why bother?
>> No. 26628 [Edit]
If you have any conceptual questions, post on /navi/ and perhaps one of us can help? I think it's far more likely that your prof half-asses explanations or doesn't provide the proper intuition than you not being capable. In fact I believe even eight graders are capable of understanding calculus on an intuitive level (and for most purposes, that's all you need unless you're planning on taking real-analysis).

Calc 3 is multivar calc right?

This is one area where teaching pedagology is horribly flawed – if your professor is not taking a linear-algebra approach to multivar calc, then you are being done a disservice and it's no wonder everything seems like unsubstantiated trickery. The multivarible chain rule in particular – if the explanation you're given is just some tree-diagram and some hand-wavy stuff about "accounting for all possibilities" then that explanation is point-blank incomplete (it's a handy mnemonic, but only a mnemonic). Now it's true that understanding the "real explanation" – that derivative is a linear map T such that for any function f and small enough v, you have f(p+v) ≈ f(p) + T(v) requires a bit more background in linear algebra to appreciate, but this definition genearlizes naturally to the multivariable case as well (where v now becomes a vector) and the chain rule simply becomes composition of linear maps aka matrix multiplication. This can generalize further to not just real-valued functions, but to maps between manifolds as well, and in this light the derivative can be thought of as a map between tangent spaces. The book by hubbard & hubbard "Vector calculus, linear algebra, and differential forms a unifying approach" is the only place I know that treats this right, but it might be a bit intimidating if you've never taken linear algebra before.

Similarly, the theorems about integrals of curl/div/grad are all unified under the framework of differential forms, as seen by Stoke's theorem. But if you just want to understand div/grad/curl intuitively I recommend the book "Div, grad curl and all that" which requires no prior background knowledge and motivates these things by examples from physics.

So I guess what I'm saying is that without the above background (which I doubt most students have considering people take calculus before linear algebra), multivariable calculus can seem like just a bag of tricks put together without any explanation. And the leap from single variable calculus to multiple variables can seem counterintuitive, especially when you're taught to just apply formulas without understanding things.
>> No. 26629 [Edit]
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>I hate being so anxious and uncertain and worrying about everything (no matter how minor).
I am the same and things are getting a lot worse as of late. The smallest setbacks makes me feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down, everything seems amplified.
>> No. 26631 [Edit]
I don't have a professor as I'm learning it by myself with a textbook. I'll take a look at that book you're recommending, but I barely understood anything you wrote in the third paragraph. Frankly, the issue is one of problem-solving and "true thinking". Thanks regardless.
>> No. 26632 [Edit]
I see, if you're learning by yourself then jumping into hubbard & hubbard's book is probably a bit too much right now. But the fact that you're learning by yourself with a textbook is strong evidence to me that the problem isn't with you, it's with the textbook. I've never seen a calculus textbook (other than hubbard & hubbard) which is good at giving you the intuition, so again if you think you're not understanding something at an intuitive level feel free to post on /navi/

There shouldn't really be much of an issue with problem solving in calculus though since the exercises in the book usually all follow the same pattern.
>> No. 26688 [Edit]
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I'm an abject failure. I have no future. I just want a do-over.
>> No. 26689 [Edit]
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>> No. 26693 [Edit]
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I can't stop.
>> No. 26705 [Edit]
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I've constantly been swinging back and forth between the intense desire to die and to live as of late. It has been very emotionally draining.
>> No. 26712 [Edit]
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All around me is only emptiness.
>> No. 26713 [Edit]
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"If you want to be happy, be" – If only it were so simple for those of us who are not cute anime girls.
>> No. 26714 [Edit]
Fake it till you make it, I mean it's better than the alternative.
>> No. 26715 [Edit]
Except I don't think it's something you can just "fake" either? I mean you can do things that might be "conducive" to the state of happiness, but depending on how far off the path you are, those actions might either have no effect or could even paradoxically make things worse. I think rather than trying to "fake" it, the best option is to keep just doing things that might be conducive, and at the very least ensuring that you remain physically healthy. Then maybe, at some point along the random walk of life there might be a state when you can feel happy again, either for a fleeting instant or for a more prolonged period of time. But there's no knowing when (if ever) that time might come, and so until then I mechanically go through life, clinging only to the memories of precious moments (read: anime) that I once enjoyed.
>> No. 26716 [Edit]
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I think I would feel bad if I could feel happy.
>> No. 26719 [Edit]
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>> No. 26720 [Edit]
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>> No. 26721 [Edit]
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I had to do something today that required me recalling and recording my past.
It's so frustrating I can't do anything about it, it's easier to do something to myself than others.
Hope everyone else whos posted ITT has a decent time today.
>> No. 26728 [Edit]
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About a year since I think I last felt joy. I don't know if things are getting better, but I guess they aren't getting worse. I haven't been able to bring myself to watch anime in that time either, since I doubt I'd enjoy it in my state and I don't want to ruin the only good memories I have.
>> No. 26729 [Edit]
In my experience, narrative-focused anime suck you in and makes you feel good regardless of your prior mood.

Post edited on 5th Sep 2021, 8:26am
>> No. 26735 [Edit]
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It's the kinda tired sleep won't fix.
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