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File 150888915651.jpg - (729.27KB , 845x1200 , 149177082560.jpg )
23024 No. 23024 [Edit]
Last one is on bump limit.
Post Cute Anime Girls Every Time you Think About Killing Yourself v2
Expand all images
>> No. 23025 [Edit]
File 150889349941.jpg - (850.81KB , 881x1497 , e283b6f9c53f761f38888f9d3d988e8c.jpg )
23025
>Last one is on bump limit.
Hmmm... it's not like it's going to get archived any time soon though.
>> No. 23026 [Edit]
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23026
>> No. 23027 [Edit]
>>23026
nice img
>> No. 23055 [Edit]
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23055
>> No. 23059 [Edit]
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23059
>> No. 23061 [Edit]
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23061
>>23026
Too sad, I can't take it.
>> No. 23073 [Edit]
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23073
>> No. 23076 [Edit]
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23076
>> No. 23084 [Edit]
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23084
>> No. 23086 [Edit]
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23086
>> No. 23095 [Edit]
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23095
>> No. 23099 [Edit]
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23099
>> No. 23109 [Edit]
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23109
>> No. 23113 [Edit]
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23113
>> No. 23114 [Edit]
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23114
>> No. 23115 [Edit]
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23115
>> No. 23117 [Edit]
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23117
I don't want to have to kill myself but each day I'm closer to having no other option.
>> No. 23118 [Edit]
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23118
>> No. 23120 [Edit]
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23120
>> No. 23122 [Edit]
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23122
How do I open up the main menu in this game? I want to start again with another character.
>> No. 23123 [Edit]
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23123
>> No. 23124 [Edit]
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23124
You know the rules, >>23122. One account per IP ONLY.
>> No. 23125 [Edit]
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23125
>> No. 23126 [Edit]
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23126
>> No. 23144 [Edit]
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23144
>> No. 23178 [Edit]
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23178
>> No. 23179 [Edit]
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23179
>> No. 23182 [Edit]
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23182
>> No. 23185 [Edit]
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23185
What am I still doing here?
>> No. 23186 [Edit]
>>23185
Wasting your life?
>> No. 23187 [Edit]
>>23186
Aren't we all?
>> No. 23188 [Edit]
>>23185
Suffering.
>> No. 23191 [Edit]
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23191
>> No. 23193 [Edit]
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23193
This morning I stood in front of a nice rail. The neon light was sparkling on the cold and still iron. I snuggled up in my scarf and let the train arrive. Passing the door I almost felt regret.
>> No. 23203 [Edit]
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23203
>> No. 23220 [Edit]
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23220
>> No. 23225 [Edit]
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23225
"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering" --Friedrich Moustache
>> No. 23269 [Edit]
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23269
愛するものが死んだ時には、
自殺しなけあなりません。
 
愛するものが死んだ時には、
それより他に、方法がない。
 
けれどもそれでも、業が深くて、
なほもながらふことともなつたら、
 
奉仕の気持に、なることなんです。
奉仕の気持に、なることなんです。
 
愛するものは、死んだのですから、
たしかにそれは、死んだのですから。
 
もはやどうにも、ならぬのですから、
そのもののために、そのもののために、
 
奉仕の気持に、ならなけあならない。
奉仕の気持に、ならなけあならない。
>> No. 23270 [Edit]
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23270
>> No. 23275 [Edit]
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>> No. 23291 [Edit]
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23291
>> No. 23295 [Edit]
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23295
>> No. 23314 [Edit]
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23314
>> No. 23315 [Edit]
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23315
>> No. 23316 [Edit]
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23316
>> No. 23317 [Edit]
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23317
>> No. 23323 [Edit]
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23323
>> No. 23337 [Edit]
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23337
>> No. 23342 [Edit]
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23342
>> No. 23344 [Edit]
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23344
>> No. 23369 [Edit]
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23369
>> No. 23373 [Edit]
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23373
>> No. 23383 [Edit]
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23383
>> No. 23387 [Edit]
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23387
>> No. 23411 [Edit]
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23411
>> No. 23414 [Edit]
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23414
>> No. 23421 [Edit]
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23421
>> No. 23425 [Edit]
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23425
>> No. 23427 [Edit]
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23427
>> No. 23430 [Edit]
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23430
>> No. 23439 [Edit]
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23439
>> No. 23441 [Edit]
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23441
>> No. 23452 [Edit]
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23452
>> No. 23457 [Edit]
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23457
>> No. 23483 [Edit]
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23483
>> No. 23494 [Edit]
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23494
>> No. 23653 [Edit]
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23653
>> No. 23657 [Edit]
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23657
>> No. 23665 [Edit]
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23665
>> No. 23670 [Edit]
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23670
When life is so burdensome, death has become for man a sought-after refuge.
>> No. 23728 [Edit]
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23728
Please kill me.
>> No. 23748 [Edit]
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23748
life is great
>> No. 23754 [Edit]
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23754
I really really wanna die. At least I have the knew Ke-Ta art book
>> No. 23755 [Edit]
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23755
>>23754
*New, sorry
>> No. 23763 [Edit]
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23763
>> No. 23768 [Edit]
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23768
<3
>> No. 23770 [Edit]
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23770
>> No. 23771 [Edit]
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23771
>> No. 23773 [Edit]
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23773
>> No. 23775 [Edit]
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23775
>> No. 23781 [Edit]
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23781
I'm so suicidal. Good thing I have Chocola's warm smile to make me feel so much better. Remember guys, your waifu's smile is always the best medicine.
>> No. 23814 [Edit]
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23814
Trying to survive this october.
>> No. 23825 [Edit]
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23825
>> No. 23826 [Edit]
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23826
>> No. 23827 [Edit]
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23827
I need to get better at dealing with small problems.
>> No. 23829 [Edit]
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23829
I don't think I can keep on like this for much longer.
>> No. 23830 [Edit]
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23830
fuck my life & me
>> No. 23831 [Edit]
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23831
just for a moment, but...
>> No. 23832 [Edit]
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23832
Fuck. I started self harming again, and the suicidal fantasies have came back. Time to bury myself in escapism.
>> No. 23833 [Edit]
>>23832
Take care anon.
>> No. 23834 [Edit]
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23834
I feel nauseated most days, like the world itself is pouring it's sickness into me.
>> No. 23836 [Edit]
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23836
what a shitty day
>> No. 23837 [Edit]
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23837
I should have posted here so many times over the last year…
>> No. 23838 [Edit]
>>23833
Thanks, I'm trying my best
>> No. 23839 [Edit]
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23839
>> No. 23840 [Edit]
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23840
>> No. 23841 [Edit]
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23841
>> No. 23864 [Edit]
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23864

>> No. 23866 [Edit]
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23866
>> No. 23868 [Edit]
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>> No. 23881 [Edit]
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23881
i wish i was never born
>> No. 23882 [Edit]
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23882
>> No. 23891 [Edit]
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23891
I'm such a boring and useless person…
>> No. 23903 [Edit]
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23903
>> No. 23914 [Edit]
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23914
I'm so tired.
>> No. 23922 [Edit]
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23922
>> No. 23934 [Edit]
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23934
Being an adult is scary.
>> No. 23950 [Edit]
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>> No. 23956 [Edit]
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23956
>> No. 23958 [Edit]
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>> No. 23959 [Edit]
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23959
>> No. 23961 [Edit]
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23961
fuck Christmas
>> No. 23970 [Edit]
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23970
I just want out. Please.
>> No. 23972 [Edit]
>>23970
However, it was Tohru's motto to never give up. And like her mother said: you can do things slowly, in your own way. Just don't give up.
>> No. 23974 [Edit]
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23974
It’s crazy to me that I fully realize my suicidal moments will pass, and I’ll look back at it as silly, because it doesn’t stop the obsession with death in those moments.
>> No. 23977 [Edit]
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23977
>>23974
Looking back on those moments usually only makes me feel worse because it reminds me how long I've been feeling like this.
>> No. 23978 [Edit]
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23978
>>23974
For me not feeling suicidal are only moments.
>> No. 23979 [Edit]
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23979
The Holidays reminded me how little I mean to anyone.
>> No. 23981 [Edit]
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23981
Damn it's time to look for low lvl job ~ahahaha...
>> No. 23985 [Edit]
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23985
Enough.
>> No. 23988 [Edit]
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23988
Its all so tiresome,
>> No. 23993 [Edit]
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23993
(๑•́ω•̀)
>> No. 24023 [Edit]
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24023
I'm so sick of this.
>> No. 24024 [Edit]
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24024
>>24023
If you want to talk, go on IRC.
>> No. 24025 [Edit]
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24025
>>24024
stop being so obsessed with your social media networks
>> No. 24026 [Edit]
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24026
>>24025
Please recognize that not every medium of communication is fit for every purpose and that IRC lacks the primary quality of modern social media networks: size, in particular breadth.
>> No. 24027 [Edit]
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>> No. 24031 [Edit]
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>> No. 24032 [Edit]
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24032
>> No. 24044 [Edit]
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24044
>> No. 24071 [Edit]
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24071
>> No. 24090 [Edit]
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24090
fuck off mom
>> No. 24097 [Edit]
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24097
loneliness kills
>> No. 24102 [Edit]
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24102
i wish i had friends
>> No. 24103 [Edit]
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24103
>>24102
I'll be your friend.
>> No. 24116 [Edit]
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24116
>> No. 24127 [Edit]
File 155047122117.png - (870.69KB , 754x900 , A2FE27C1-F401-4856-ACCD-837A5506CE05.png )
24127
>> No. 24137 [Edit]
File 155077313613.png - (6.84MB , 2093x2958 , Vampy_(Shingeki_no_Bahamut)_full_2502008.png )
24137
>>24102
I can be your friend, if you want. My email is yuki@firemail.cc if you're interested.
>> No. 24157 [Edit]
File 155143105159.png - (1.20MB , 1000x1000 , yuna.png )
24157
>> No. 24159 [Edit]
File 155150052724.jpg - (38.46KB , 481x600 , 822d47dfbb1ece874bdcbd47a1d649f95fda6f1c.jpg )
24159
>> No. 24160 [Edit]
File 155167081372.jpg - (318.30KB , 1432x2400 , __original_drawn_by_catbell__5e93cbd4a0ba2ddc81770.jpg )
24160
Here is my email if you want, or others that have posted in this thread. merlin@firemail.cc

Post edited on 4th Mar 2019, 5:27pm
>> No. 24161 [Edit]
File 155167789834.png - (442.36KB , 640x825 , 1548579429689.png )
24161
>>24102
Feel free to email me. We can be pen pals.
>> No. 24162 [Edit]
File 155167860048.jpg - (328.60KB , 850x1271 , sample_a08a6fd0d4a7c8a7e0f757260038623e6bfaecdc.jpg )
24162
>> No. 24163 [Edit]
File 155199798113.jpg - (1.25MB , 1698x2448 , 1491566677907.jpg )
24163
Im fine but i wish today didn't happened.
>> No. 24164 [Edit]
File 155214771514.png - (180.36KB , 600x600 , 3595_8GZoWS3y.png )
24164
>> No. 24165 [Edit]
File 155284867197.jpg - (172.40KB , 800x1200 , B530518C-448F-49CD-85FF-A356FED77477.jpg )
24165
Does thinking about killing myself 20 years in the future to avoid dealing with Parkinson’s and detached retinas count?
>> No. 24166 [Edit]
File 155285668496.jpg - (74.18KB , 800x830 , 66cee079844315ed3c913c9efbbd4f6e.jpg )
24166
Anon need more dopamine. Anon sad.
>> No. 24167 [Edit]
File 155285700367.gif - (1.74MB , 540x302 , tumblr_pl0x5eOpI01y0nwq1o1_540.gif )
24167
>> No. 24168 [Edit]
File 155285741313.jpg - (148.58KB , 500x707 , __original_drawn_by_yuugiri__08d412872fe2046e1598a.jpg )
24168
>>24165
That's just about how I think about it. I'm not depressed and have never thought about committing suicide, but I do think that in the far future doing so and dying early maybe preferable to continuing to live, given the correct circumstances. Just in a "is what it is" sort of way.
>> No. 24169 [Edit]
>>24166
I dont have a problem with parkinson or deteriorating vision, but I am really scared of Alzheimers. It seems horrible to loose your memory and abillity to think clear. If I would get diagnosed I would probably kill myself on the same day.

(No picture because something is going really wrong with my PC right now)
>> No. 24170 [Edit]
File 155288542828.jpg - (199.54KB , 1052x1200 , 4e3807f8c588c7b5e139ebb63199a8d6.jpg )
24170
i cant think clearly anymore
>> No. 24248 [Edit]
>>23269 hey this is one of my all time favorite images
>> No. 24249 [Edit]
>>24169
One of my extended family members is beginning to experience memory loss and it is extremely depressing. Within 10 years all my extended family will be gone. The depression will become so crushing as everything I've known withers and fades. How on earth will i hold down a job at that point i don't know. I barely make it through the week as is. I can't even talk about my family members passing away without breaking down in tears. Life is a curse.
>> No. 24256 [Edit]
File 155342336635.jpg - (360.99KB , 850x1202 , 4a673af688698159313b0c63ca9572bac3d4be4f.jpg )
24256
>> No. 24262 [Edit]
File 155365783510.png - (300.54KB , 829x720 , 7f1b34d9f843810d2e92810e56be0b489d7ce833246681eda7.png )
24262
Haven't posted here in years. There are roadworks on my street, there is a jackhammer going non-stop. This piercing noise. I just want to be asleep but even that is too much to ask. Life is just a series of little pains and annoyances and for what? I don't even enjoy anything. I never consented to being here. Fuck, why the FUCK am I still alive?
>> No. 24263 [Edit]
File 155366439260.gif - (94.54KB , 500x460 , tumblr_m0n1iqGPG01qlelp0o1_500.gif )
24263
>>24262
I hope you get some good sleep soon, Anon!
>> No. 24264 [Edit]
>>24263
Thanks. I have ear plugs and some pillows to put over my head, so that helps a bit. Hopefully the work will finish some time this week.
>> No. 24269 [Edit]
File 15540754192.jpg - (328.91KB , 700x981 , 0345.jpg )
24269
I wish people weren't so mean
>> No. 24270 [Edit]
>>24269
I second that.
>> No. 24271 [Edit]
>>24269
People are mean to you because you have something they don't have. Whether that be compassion, intelligence or what have you. You seem to be a very sensitive guy so I'm sure they envy that about you. They are the ones who are flawed, not you.
>> No. 24274 [Edit]
>>24271
You think too highly of people.
>> No. 24275 [Edit]
>>24271
I'm sorry anon but I don't think that's either true nor helpful. People largely bully to advance themselves and the truth is it works. For one it paints the bully as having achieved some sort of victory (even if it's over a literal retard humans don't care) but more importantly it helps beat you down and remove you from competition.

The only real way to fight against bullies is to be a big enough threat. Either by being capable of smearing them back with the ten second zingers that normies love so much or by just making yourself a big enough pain to deal with that they don't want to bother by being the counselor/hr department's pet. They'll end up hating you more that way, but they'll at least let you be. Of course it's not quite perfect since it'll make you end up all alone and probably in some dead end position but at least it gets the assholes off your back.

Unfortunately escalations to physical violence is pretty much out of the question unless they're bullying you physically. It's completely morally justified but in this backwards society we're reaching a point where defending yourself is even seen as wrong. Even then though you can pump your chest up and yell. When the quiet, somewhat depressive man who doesn't get very excited starts yelling everyone pays attention. They'll start making jokes about you being the next columbine, often saying they're nice to you because they want to be spared. Just let them know they're on the hitlist and if that lands you in the hot water of some zero tolerance policy drag all the people giving you shit about it right in the deepend with you. Get emotional and throw a fit. It's stupid and childish but that's just what works. Just look at the service industry. People who are kind and respectful get shafted and ignored but the ones who come in and feel entitled to special treatment don't just get what they want, they get free shit on top of it.

That said, if your bully is female you're pretty much fucked.

I hate being mean to people and acting like an asshole but it's the sort of thing that's really dog eat dog, even with people you think of as friends. There's exceptions of course, but they're pretty hard to find. Usually such people are fellow social rejects but they're often rejects in different ways which leads to you having nothing in common outside of "getting" eachother.

(polite sage for ranty, poorly written textwall)
>> No. 24276 [Edit]
File
Removed
>>24270
>>24271
>>24274
>>24275
this is a pics thread not a discussion thread
>> No. 24277 [Edit]
>>24275
> People who are kind and respectful get shafted and ignored but the ones who come in and feel entitled to special treatment don't just get what they want, they get free shit on top of it.
It's sad how true this is, and it's something that happens in many aspects of life. There's really no incentive in our culture to be a decent person.
>> No. 24278 [Edit]
File 155443814254.jpg - (56.42KB , 800x500 , 1483549890244134466.jpg )
24278
>>24277
>people refuse to behave exactly the way i want them to, its a huge problem with this world. its so sad, i'm the victim and everyone owes me bigtime because of that.
get a load of the sense of entitlement on this one

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
>> No. 24279 [Edit]
>>24278
I would say that's a bit of a stretch, but that's a pretty damn huge stretch as you interpret it.
>> No. 24280 [Edit]
>>24279
Stop replying to it, that's what it wants.
>> No. 24281 [Edit]
File 155453335246.jpg - (649.50KB , 758x1082 , d5ce0c2a4b9927554b58afadd5c77ff80611d16a.jpg )
24281
>> No. 24282 [Edit]
File 155453476789.png - (843.96KB , 1280x738 , realplayer2019-03-27-04h24m08s615.png )
24282
>>24280
Those people who refuse to post pictures of cute anime girls in the cute anime girls picture thread, but still insist on being included in the thread, needed to be disciplined.
>> No. 24284 [Edit]
File 15545955202.jpg - (115.00KB , 1169x1700 , __tsuru_chan_original_drawn_by_taishi_picchiridou_.jpg )
24284
>>24262
Hello and welcome back. I wish you a nice stay here and I hope it will make you feel a little better.

I have nightingales outside of my window. They're very loud and they keep going all night every night. Drills and hammers by day, birds by night. The noise never stops.
>> No. 24285 [Edit]
File 155461362814.png - (428.79KB , 767x538 , 516373509e8d86a9e5b4c89b5cf919ee602ad762.png )
24285
>> No. 24292 [Edit]
File 155547945767.jpg - (126.59KB , 1280x720 , 1401338392599.jpg )
24292
Hey anon-kun, you don't want to become a mentally unstable person do you...? You should take your meds before you commit a crime... gosh, what am I saying, anon-kun? You'd never do that, would you?
>> No. 24293 [Edit]
File 155560699515.jpg - (801.75KB , 948x1000 , 1554656735953.jpg )
24293
The world is torture, misery, pain
>> No. 24296 [Edit]
File 155573199319.png - (3.00MB , 1668x1306 , F2EC3E56-E65F-4E4F-9DBC-55DEBBBFD996.png )
24296
I have bedbugs
This might be the final straw
>> No. 24297 [Edit]
File 155578262665.jpg - (97.11KB , 604x837 , __yorha_type_a_no_2_nier_series_and_etc_drawn_by_m.jpg )
24297
>>24296
Nuke 'em anon
>> No. 24298 [Edit]
>>24296
Apologies for being offtopic, but are you from /toy/?
>> No. 24299 [Edit]
>>24298
No. I just have intense anxiety from having to leave my room to avoid being bitten.
>> No. 24300 [Edit]
File 155581943118.png - (1.76MB , 1242x1680 , yande_re 425869 5240mosu cleavage kaguya_luna kagu.png )
24300
>>24299
How do you think they suddenly appeared there...? And very sorry to hear that.... I hope I'll never see one for the rest of my life....
>> No. 24301 [Edit]
>>24296
Purchase a steam cleaning machine and use it on your bed. Hope this helps.
>> No. 24302 [Edit]
File 155582764134.jpg - (194.97KB , 1456x2059 , catgirl.jpg )
24302
>>24301
>>24296
Steam cleaning might be a good first step, but depending on how bad the infestation is it may not be sufficient. If you can rent one of the industrial-strength room heaters that the professionals use that would work (they basically just heat the entire room to 130F to kill everything). Another thing I've read works well is cimexa (micro silica) to dry out their exoskeletons.
>> No. 24303 [Edit]
>>24300
He carried them in from outside or they wandered in if the building is infested. Anyone can get bed bugs. For example if you travel in an infested train or bus you can easily get some on your stuff without ever noticing.
>> No. 24304 [Edit]
File 155590556764.jpg - (0.98MB , 2000x2750 , escalator-voyeurism.jpg )
24304
>>24301
no anime girl & no hint of suicidal thoughts, are you sure you're in the right thread?
>> No. 24305 [Edit]
>>24304
He's just trying to help.
>> No. 24306 [Edit]
File 155592396394.jpg - (141.76KB , 704x999 , Top20-Sexiest-Opulent-Characters-5.jpg )
24306
>>24305
no anime girl = not helping
>> No. 24307 [Edit]
File 15559338172.jpg - (90.78KB , 472x691 , 7AB87EF2-F326-4206-B8A5-5947A4D5CCE4.jpg )
24307
There’s no meaning to it all.
Just RNG
>> No. 24326 [Edit]
File 155615803375.jpg - (353.87KB , 964x1064 , 0 proposal Rei ii.jpg )
24326
>> No. 24330 [Edit]
File 155633918453.jpg - (123.62KB , 756x1100 , Alpha_Hatsuseno_full_434690.jpg )
24330
>> No. 24331 [Edit]
File 155641552567.jpg - (143.31KB , 800x600 , ev2001b.jpg )
24331
>> No. 24334 [Edit]
File 155642113172.jpg - (1.27MB , 2447x3500 , __kuchiki_touko_kara_no_shoujo_drawn_by_sugina_mik.jpg )
24334
>> No. 24335 [Edit]
File 155657809382.png - (146.16KB , 700x489 , pbs_twimg_com_media_D5U7YxlUEAEC.png )
24335
>> No. 24336 [Edit]
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24336
>> No. 24337 [Edit]
File 155668556087.jpg - (727.32KB , 586x1200 , 1547956457279.jpg )
24337
I hope I get starved by hospital for 40 hours and die of dehydration.
>> No. 24352 [Edit]
File 155734447835.png - (1.86MB , 2026x2865 , resized__atago_and_atago_azur_lane_drawn_by_buta_t.png )
24352
My monitor is running warm and I can feel it when I sit too close.
I was browsing pictures and when this one came up the heat made me feel like she was really close for a second.
Even got a slight tingly sensation in my cheek, almost as if it was about to be gently scratched.
I'm so sad, god damn it. I want to die.
>> No. 24353 [Edit]
File 155760618471.png - (38.37KB , 310x401 , komisan.png )
24353
>> No. 24354 [Edit]
File 155769822910.jpg - (59.44KB , 400x524 , 154497003490.jpg )
24354
inch by inch
when will you take the hint?
>> No. 24374 [Edit]
File 15582769899.png - (650.50KB , 700x1200 , 24b1e6162498faa12ba13c29fe87107c727a9bbf00058c2c7f.png )
24374
I was moving my monitor and dropped it on a sharp corner. Messed it up real good right in the middle of the screen. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but man, I can't be bothered with this shit any more. The most minor inconveniences make me want to die.
>> No. 24375 [Edit]
File 155834402872.png - (36.80KB , 489x595 , Rei-chan.png )
24375
>> No. 24376 [Edit]
File 155835161421.jpg - (158.93KB , 1920x1200 , 132313965647.jpg )
24376
>>24374
That's not a minor inconvenience.
>> No. 24377 [Edit]
File 155835665655.jpg - (123.37KB , 945x1200 , etna_disgaea.jpg )
24377
>>24376
Well, it still works technically. Just has a big scratch in it now where all the pixels are white, I guess because the polarising filter was scratched off. I have an old monitor I got from a pawn shop for $5. Might cut out a bit of its filter and tape it over the scratched parts on the good monitor.
>> No. 24390 [Edit]
File 155887549515.jpg - (449.07KB , 2048x1884 , DW2yVpKV4AELEin_jpg large.jpg )
24390
I hate this.
>> No. 24392 [Edit]
File 155899591770.png - (469.53KB , 1112x1500 , __yuigahama_yui_yahari_ore_no_seishun_lovecome_wa_.png )
24392
Pathetic confessions time. I know no one cares but I feel a desperate need to post anything in a hopeless attempt to connect.

I hate it when I have to stop masturbating for whatever reason. More than 3 days and I start having erotic dreams.
Usually I don't dream at all or only have nightmares, and to be honest I prefer the nightmares.
Should I even call them nightmares? Dreams which would probably give normal people night terrors are not particularly uncomfortable for me anymore.
These dreams are bizarre and can be stressful but somehow they lost the scariness. Maybe real life familiarity with all the feelings present in a standard nightmare is desensitizing.

It's the conventionally 'nice' dreams that truly terrify me. Especially the erotic dreams. I've been starved of human intimacy for so long it feels alien and frightening to me.

When I'm awake I can at least fantasize without panicking, being able to consciously suppress the awareness of how inhumanely unattractive and universally despised I am as a 30 year old virgin NEET.
Though I often daydream of love, companionship, emotional and physical contact and sex I have to bring myself into a certain state of suspension of disbelief to even be able to masturbate.
It's easy to lose focus and slip back into reality-aware logical thinking, resulting in instant limp dick and a slight feeling of getting punched in the guts.
To enjoy my rigged fantasies which are so very far removed from reality I need to maintain the mindset of isolation from all logic and knowledge, but when I sleep I lose that pathetic layer of illusory control and safety.

I'm mostly cool with nightmares because I've been living one for decades. It's just same old, same old.
On the other hand the erotic dreams upset me more than anything else. Sometimes it's so haunting I can't recover for days. Had one of these last night.
My erotic dreams are rarely sexual. It doesn't get to actual sex. However in these dreams I somehow find myself in positions where a male can, should, or is expected to initiate some form of intimate contact with a female.
Sometimes I attempt to awkwardly proceed. Most of the time I try to run like hell, confused and panicked like a fish taken out of water.
Either way the end results are the same: shame, humiliation a dreadful feeling of the entire world watching with disgust, disbelief, cruel amusement and morbid curiosity.

My dreams tend to be chaotic and vague so it leads to all sorts of bizarre situations, but these sequences of nonsensical scenes are connected by the same themes, the same feelings.
When I wake up I feel ill, physically weak and emotionally crushed, often unable to get out of bed.

But the night before I dreamed of being stalked and mauled by a tiger. I tried to fight back in vain for what felt like hours. I died in my old room, in a home my family moved out of 15 years ago. It was absurdly brutal. I felt nothing when I woke up.

The reality of human interaction and its inevitable consequences to me, a complete loser, are more terrifying than anything. To the point where I'm more comfortable with a prospect of explicit pain, stress, fear, direct danger.
>> No. 24393 [Edit]
File 15590751719.jpg - (881.06KB , 1000x708 , 62303814_p0.jpg )
24393
>> No. 24401 [Edit]
File 155979678724.png - (1.00MB , 1728x1080 , sleep.png )
24401
"The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flame yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don‘t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

-David Foster Wallace
>> No. 24403 [Edit]
File 156003129016.jpg - (102.47KB , 451x700 , 74722940_p2.jpg )
24403
i feel like someone is screaming inside my chest!!
>> No. 24404 [Edit]
>>24403
Hasn't anyone told you not to play with strange alien eggs?
>> No. 24405 [Edit]
File 156004853333.jpg - (720.05KB , 1000x1400 , 1560033216544.jpg )
24405
I am in total despair. My life is over. I have already made every good memory I'll ever make. Distractions don't work anymore, hopelessness is at the forefront of my mind at all times. The real gravity of my situation has finally dawned on me and I can no longer ignore it. I'm terrified and deeply mournful. I wish my life could have been more than this.
>> No. 24406 [Edit]
File 156005343052.jpg - (755.05KB , 800x1113 , __itsuka_kotori_date_a_live_drawn_by_senya_fuurin_.jpg )
24406
>>24392
Sounds terrible, it is interesting you wrote such a detailed post into the mental state of many young men. No affection is like a nuclear bomb to a mans development. I can related to the though of intimacy being such a remote and intimating thing thing. It has gotten to a point that physical contact would be bothersome to me. I am just so accustomed that being a virgin has become embedded into my personality.
>> No. 24407 [Edit]
File 156006042913.jpg - (429.12KB , 1180x2150 , __akagi_and_kaga_azur_lane_drawn_by_zhibuji_loom__.jpg )
24407
I want to write a long post about how sad and angry I am but they all turn out to be too pathetic and incoherent so just know that I am really sad and angry and I hope someone snipe me with an artillery cannon.
>> No. 24408 [Edit]
File 15601488278.jpg - (83.10KB , 620x350 , genshiken 1-1-620x.jpg )
24408
Rather drunk right now and about to sleep.
With a little bit of luck, I won't wake up.
>> No. 24410 [Edit]
File 156055090246.jpg - (19.52KB , 474x267 , thinking.jpg )
24410
>> No. 24411 [Edit]
>>24392
i often dream of dying i either fall from a high place, crash with a car or have something falling from the sky and hitting me. everything just becomes white and i continue with a different dream without waking up. i have very vivid dreams and many of them i can also remember my dreams months back. but i agree, dreams of socializing or love are the worst. i somethimes spectate others in my dreams as in im not the main protagonist but others are, thats exactly how i was before i became a shut in. i just didnt have anything to say to people and i found it more amusing to just observe people instead of just saying stuff for no reason
>> No. 24412 [Edit]
File 156060601323.png - (1.78MB , 1122x1948 , a50145e727031240de3a6bc485160bbd.png )
24412
You'd think surviving suicide and spending a month in a hospital would change my mind and make me want to live but no, That survival high wears off too eventually when you realize nothing is solved no matter how hard you try.
>> No. 24414 [Edit]
File 156096257429.jpg - (1.40MB , 1062x1505 , lobt3k9q4k331.jpg )
24414
>> No. 24418 [Edit]
File 156102087167.png - (1.77MB , 1139x1578 , __hatoba_tsugu_hatoba_tsugu_drawn_by_tommy830219__.png )
24418
>> No. 24420 [Edit]
File 156108513163.jpg - (68.82KB , 700x682 , __houjuu_nue_touhou_drawn_by_motsuba__a039446e8ad8.jpg )
24420
>>24412
That's awful. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I'm sorry. No one deserves to suffer like this.

>>24405
>>24407
I don't know your circumstances but I understand the general feelings too well, for what it's worth.


>>24406
>>24411
Thank you for replying. Usually I don't get any replies so this means a lot to me.

>No affection is like a nuclear bomb to a mans development
Well, I don't know about normal people but it was to mine.
It takes me back to that period of life when adolescent men are supposed to be starting to connect with the outside world, finding validation, a sense of belonging and courage to carry on.
Back then my home was a tense and turbulent environment. It was a place of constant anxiety and fear, ready to blow up at any moment.
It was then that I needed an outside connection the most, the affection and validation of being desired for who you are.
I can only imagine how much young love means to people growing up. To be so fully accepted by another person for the first time, not out of some bleak obligation like family does - but because they truly want you. It must me incredible.
Unfortunately I faced isolation, emotional and physical violence both at home and at school. It killed me inside.
I mean it, the person I was born as really was obliterated into nothing. What remains is an aging shell.
I have no personality, there's just pain and deep feelings of longing impossible to ever fulfill or calm.

I feel the need to post these long, pathetic confessions. I have a strong, maybe irrational need to make someone, anyone know about me.
I want to go into detail and write and write, to somehow compensate for being a nameless ghost with no real connection to anyone.
Sometimes I need to confess like one confesses their sins, because I hate myself and what I am and sometimes it's too much to keep inside and deal with all of it alone.
But I don't know if I should do this. Are posts like this OK or are they seen as a nuisance?
>> No. 24421 [Edit]
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24421
>>24420
Anon, I don't have much to say other than that was a nice post to read and I hope you'll find that sort of affection soon. You seem like a nice person and I hope you'll be okay. And don't think for a second that those kind of posts are a nuisance, hell, they're the whole reason I come to this board.

Also nue a cute.
>> No. 24422 [Edit]
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24422
>> No. 24423 [Edit]
File 156110336559.jpg - (686.56KB , 1144x701 , __reisen_udongein_inaba_touhou_drawn_by_yushika__d.jpg )
24423
>>24420
I am not trying to invalidate your experiences but since you reply to me and I have nothing better to do, I'll blogpost my opinion. I don't feel bad about not receiving affection, at least not to the extent that it bothers me. It has always been a mild inconvenience, no more harmful than the temporary frustration from losing at video games. I used to be more concerned about not having affections but observing and interacting with people make me realize that no matter how much loneliness hurts, having to deal with another human being is drastically more abhorrent. People can't understand you. People can't give you satisfaction. People will seek conflict with you. People will pull you into pack animals social hierarchy thinking. It is probably different for another person but it is these ways for me. I spent my formative teenage years hating people and padding up my arrogance to the point that I find it disgusting to seek validation from another. To seek validation is a weakness. Man should do what they will. To compromise their own individual will to be accepted by other people is to be a slave.

I think that hatred for the real world is why I have no trouble getting my fix of love from fictional media. It's because I believe that such pure love is something that only exists in the ideal realm and can only be experienced through imaginative thinking. Expecting to feel this love from a real human is like expecting people can shoot energy beams in real life. It is silly to be sad about it. That being said I do still feel melancholic every time I look at anime pictures or wake up from a good dream but for some reason I found the melancholia pleasurable, even aesthetically pleasing, like a tragic hero's lament at a drama. I think I may have the same problem as you in that I long for a love that I don't have. The difference is that I don't even believe that it is possible to be obtained in real life so I am not bothered by the lack of it outside fiction.

I don't know how to help you. I am not intelligent or wise and my own shitty life means that nobody should take my advice seriously. But my philosophy in life is that life is an insufferable mass of suffering and we can't do much about it. You seem to worry a lot about the past and what ifs. There is nothing you can do about the injustice you've faced. The world isn't just or unjust, it is indifferent. You can only try with your ability, to make the best of what you have. Sorry for being so long winded and incoherent, sometimes I just need to vent.
>> No. 24431 [Edit]
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24431
Plaease just help me. Please.
I'm at my limit.
>> No. 24432 [Edit]
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24432
I have been feeling depressed lately because I kept telling myself I should have studied something related to physics. I bought a book about astronomy, and partly it made things better. Sometimes, like tonight, it's not enough.

I regret the choices I made in my life and I regret being the coward I am.
>> No. 24433 [Edit]
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24433
>>24423
The way I feel about things is different, but I can't disagree with you. After all I also have experienced the ugly side of human interaction in full, I'm not ignorant of its realities. It's largely responsible for making me what I am.
I've observed how people behave, individually and as groups, and noticed the vicious patterns.
There's a huge rift between what I should know based on my experiences, and how I feel, what I long for.
I was never able to reject the dream of better a world existing somewhere beyond my reach, even if it's just a mirage.
I couldn't find my own way like you have.
The more I was pushed away, the farther I ran away, the more I missed it.

I tried to kill the longing. I don't want to admit it, but I also have this hate and arrogance within me. Sometimes I feel it's fully justified, other times it horrifies me.
It's difficult. I feel like I earned my right to be this way by surviving the gauntlet. At the same time I recognize these are the exact traits of people who treated me badly.
It's like they taught it to me, and I don't want it. I don't want to be like them... And I try to be different but at some level I can never resist. Or worse, maybe I don't want to resist.
In a way the struggle with what's inside of me is similar to my relationship with the outside reality- I desperately don't want that ugliness but I know it's there. So I hate it and hate myself.
Personally I find it hard to live with this harsh aspect of humanity but I won't judge you for embracing it. I understand too well how it can from organically.
The other poster said I seemed like a nice person but I know I'm not. I want to appear as one and I secretly wanted to be called one. Maybe I want to be one, but I'm not.

For me there was no freedom in accepting that what I want does not exist. It made the emptiness I feel hurt even more.
I don't want to believe that what I already experienced is all there is to it. I don't want to accept that everything I had to endure was pointless.
Deep down I have a dreadful feeling that it really was pointless and worthless. As you said the world constantly demonstrates its indifference to me and my experiences. But I'm stubborn in not wanting to believe it.
I understand it would be right to call me a coward or a fool for trying to hide from truth. But the actions of people who lived in this ruthless harmony with the hard, cold realities often hurt me; directly and indirectly.
Having experienced what it's like to be on the receiving end of utilizing such philosophy, do I have the right to apply it myself? I'd like to avoid it. To avoid bringing more pain into the world.

Anyway, I think I do understand your point of view. I found your input valuable, so thank you for sharing your opinion. You don't have to apologize for expressing a different perspective.
As long as we don't hurt each other it's alright.


>>24431
Can I help you in any way? As you see I'm a horrible mess so I can't offer much to anyone. But if there is anything I could do to make you feel even a tiny bit better, please ask. If not me then maybe someone else will be able to.

>>24432
I wish I knew how to deal with pain like yours. It really does feel like an unstoppable, crushing force.
I hope your studies will bring you more and more fulfillment as you advance. Perhaps with deeper knowledge you will gain new strength to counter despair?
I know hope is a cruel thing, maybe even the most cruel of all. But still, maybe the courage that you deserve will come eventually?
Amateur astronomers have contributed so much to the field...
I also wanted to study astronomy once. I dreamed of building a reasonably large Dobsonian telescope.
It's impressive how dedicated hobbyists can build these precise instruments at home almost completely by hand, including the grinding of the mirrors.
As I researched the topic I became intimidated, especially by the difficulty of figuring large mirrors so I gave up. Like I always do.
But I know a project like this is definitely not unheard of, not impossible.


Please forgive me if you find this to be full of annoying and empty feel-good bullshit and platitudes.
I only wanted to rely a little warmth to those who seem to need it. I obviously don't know how to actually help, so I tried to give others what I myself secretly and shamefully crave every time I post. The feeling of being acknowledged and comforted by a kind reply.
I'm sorry if I was egoistical, sorry if anything I wrote made any of you feel worse. Please don't hate me.
>> No. 24434 [Edit]
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24434
>>24433
Rejecting or hating the real world doesn't necessarily mean going out of your way to cause suffering or destruction. It could also mean that you hate it to the point of not wanting it in your life, so you ignore it and it forms a defensive mechanism against bad feelings like loneliness. But there is no shame in feeling bad about turning into a hateful person, in fact many would find that praiseworthy. As for me, I believe that we can't really control how we feel. Maybe there is some people out there with such good emotional control they can resist anger and temptation when they will it or maybe being able to control your feelings is basic human ability and we're just defective. Anyway, I find resisting how the world made you turn out to be quite futile. The sum of my experience, genetics, and environment have got nothing on some vague idea of virtue I don't even really care about. In this case, I am probably the coward instead of you for dismissing the whole world as bad out of convenience and fear of failure. Well, everybody is different and what I said is just my own subjective value system that you don't have to follow. Don't feel too bad about yourself. You still have anime, various other interests and a loser circlejerk on the internet to help you cope.
>> No. 24435 [Edit]
>>24432
Fight for it.

I studied maths but failed misserably. The only thing I was slightly profficient at was logic and set theory, but I gave it all away pursuing another dream that I also failed massively at. Then, after being a hiki for 5 years, I went out again (had to, for $$), got my degree somehow and turned into philosophy of science, specially logic. That allowed me to relearn and get close to logic once again, somehow; although my economic future is still most uncertain...

By all means, get back on it somehow, in your own way. It's something worth pursuing.
>> No. 24436 [Edit]
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24436
Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the fact that life requires you to "do things" almost constantly every day until you die. I wish I could somehow sleep for a few months without starving or being evicted. A sort of induced coma as respite from life.
>> No. 24437 [Edit]
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24437
My closest family is so lame. So am I...
>> No. 24446 [Edit]
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24446
I get this tight feeling in my chest whenever I look at beautiful anime pictures. Why is this?
>> No. 24447 [Edit]
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24447
>>24446
I used to have this same problem. The reason for me was that around this time, ironic weebs were everywhere, and whenever I saw a cute anime girl or beautiful anime pic, I would get this feeling of dread; that anime girls were ruined for me and that I would never be able to enjoy anime again (I know that sounds silly but I was also extremely depressed around this time so I was sensitive to even minor inconveniences). However, now that this ironic weeb fad is starting to calm down, (or maybe I just stopped caring) I have started appreciating them again.
Is it possible that you are experiencing the same thing or is it just unexplainable?
>> No. 24449 [Edit]
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24449
>>24447
It is definitely something different since I never cared about other people. The first thing that comes to mind is that I am sad that something so beautiful can't exist in my world and how my own life with it's ugliness and suffering clashes with the perfection in the picture. That does sounds like an oversimplification and I was wondering if another person here has more knowledge on the matter. From what I read of your post though, it seems that people can feel sad for wildly different reason from anime pictures so my hope of finding someone with the exact same problem as me but with more understanding of his situation is dashed. I hate having these perfect beautiful things that I can only imagine through a picture but at the same time I am also glad that I can find a speck of beauty in the wasteland that is my life. But a speck is all it is and in the end it probably only serve to make all the painful times more despairing.
>> No. 24461 [Edit]
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24461
>> No. 24462 [Edit]
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24462
Another suicidal ideation, another cute anime picture.
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