NEET is not a label, it's a way of life!
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23024 No. 23024 [Edit]
Last one is on bump limit.
Post Cute Anime Girls Every Time you Think About Killing Yourself v2
Expand all images
>> No. 23025 [Edit]
File 150889349941.jpg - (850.81KB , 881x1497 , e283b6f9c53f761f38888f9d3d988e8c.jpg )
>Last one is on bump limit.
Hmmm... it's not like it's going to get archived any time soon though.
>> No. 23026 [Edit]
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>> No. 23027 [Edit]
nice img
>> No. 23055 [Edit]
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>> No. 23059 [Edit]
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>> No. 23061 [Edit]
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Too sad, I can't take it.
>> No. 23073 [Edit]
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>> No. 23086 [Edit]
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>> No. 23095 [Edit]
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>> No. 23099 [Edit]
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>> No. 23113 [Edit]
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>> No. 23114 [Edit]
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>> No. 23115 [Edit]
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>> No. 23117 [Edit]
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I don't want to have to kill myself but each day I'm closer to having no other option.
>> No. 23118 [Edit]
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>> No. 23120 [Edit]
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>> No. 23122 [Edit]
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How do I open up the main menu in this game? I want to start again with another character.
>> No. 23123 [Edit]
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>> No. 23124 [Edit]
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You know the rules, >>23122. One account per IP ONLY.
>> No. 23125 [Edit]
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>> No. 23126 [Edit]
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>> No. 23144 [Edit]
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>> No. 23185 [Edit]
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What am I still doing here?
>> No. 23186 [Edit]
Wasting your life?
>> No. 23187 [Edit]
Aren't we all?
>> No. 23188 [Edit]
>> No. 23191 [Edit]
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>> No. 23193 [Edit]
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This morning I stood in front of a nice rail. The neon light was sparkling on the cold and still iron. I snuggled up in my scarf and let the train arrive. Passing the door I almost felt regret.
>> No. 23203 [Edit]
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>> No. 23220 [Edit]
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>> No. 23225 [Edit]
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"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering" --Friedrich Moustache
>> No. 23269 [Edit]
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>> No. 23317 [Edit]
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>> No. 23369 [Edit]
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>> No. 23383 [Edit]
File 151902255056.jpg - (249.16KB , 640x1440 , eat well sleep well.jpg )
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>> No. 23483 [Edit]
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>> No. 23494 [Edit]
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>> No. 23657 [Edit]
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>> No. 23665 [Edit]
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>> No. 23670 [Edit]
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When life is so burdensome, death has become for man a sought-after refuge.
>> No. 23728 [Edit]
File 153383571833.jpg - (86.09KB , 1334x750 , Please Cuddle Me.jpg )
Please kill me.
>> No. 23748 [Edit]
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life is great
>> No. 23754 [Edit]
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I really really wanna die. At least I have the knew Ke-Ta art book
>> No. 23755 [Edit]
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*New, sorry
>> No. 23763 [Edit]
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>> No. 23768 [Edit]
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>> No. 23770 [Edit]
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>> No. 23771 [Edit]
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>> No. 23773 [Edit]
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>> No. 23775 [Edit]
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>> No. 23781 [Edit]
File 153559926486.png - (396.70KB , 318x424 , Chocola card 7.png )
I'm so suicidal. Good thing I have Chocola's warm smile to make me feel so much better. Remember guys, your waifu's smile is always the best medicine.
>> No. 23814 [Edit]
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Trying to survive this october.
>> No. 23825 [Edit]
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>> No. 23826 [Edit]
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>> No. 23827 [Edit]
File 153910942690.png - (347.65KB , 600x600 , 0e46ca03e2b4c92eacfc71017491b100.png )
I need to get better at dealing with small problems.
>> No. 23829 [Edit]
File 153965595176.jpg - (93.47KB , 990x744 , hetza (hellshock) suzumi (hetza) 136ddd4055aa7be0.jpg )
I don't think I can keep on like this for much longer.
>> No. 23830 [Edit]
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fuck my life & me
>> No. 23831 [Edit]
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just for a moment, but...
>> No. 23832 [Edit]
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Fuck. I started self harming again, and the suicidal fantasies have came back. Time to bury myself in escapism.
>> No. 23833 [Edit]
Take care anon.
>> No. 23834 [Edit]
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I feel nauseated most days, like the world itself is pouring it's sickness into me.
>> No. 23836 [Edit]
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what a shitty day
>> No. 23837 [Edit]
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I should have posted here so many times over the last year…
>> No. 23838 [Edit]
Thanks, I'm trying my best
>> No. 23839 [Edit]
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>> No. 23840 [Edit]
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>> No. 23841 [Edit]
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>> No. 23864 [Edit]
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>> No. 23866 [Edit]
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>> No. 23868 [Edit]
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>> No. 23881 [Edit]
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i wish i was never born
>> No. 23882 [Edit]
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>> No. 23891 [Edit]
File 154301140483.jpg - (1.01MB , 1200x848 , akemi_homura domotolain kaname_madoka pantyhose pu.jpg )
I'm such a boring and useless person…
>> No. 23903 [Edit]
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>> No. 23914 [Edit]
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I'm so tired.
>> No. 23922 [Edit]
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>> No. 23934 [Edit]
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Being an adult is scary.
>> No. 23950 [Edit]
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>> No. 23956 [Edit]
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>> No. 23958 [Edit]
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>> No. 23959 [Edit]
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>> No. 23961 [Edit]
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fuck Christmas
>> No. 23970 [Edit]
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I just want out. Please.
>> No. 23972 [Edit]
However, it was Tohru's motto to never give up. And like her mother said: you can do things slowly, in your own way. Just don't give up.
>> No. 23974 [Edit]
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It’s crazy to me that I fully realize my suicidal moments will pass, and I’ll look back at it as silly, because it doesn’t stop the obsession with death in those moments.
>> No. 23977 [Edit]
File 154606686441.png - (591.95KB , 993x1463 , __wa2000_girls_frontline_drawn_by_dokomon__e34f424.png )
Looking back on those moments usually only makes me feel worse because it reminds me how long I've been feeling like this.
>> No. 23978 [Edit]
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For me not feeling suicidal are only moments.
>> No. 23979 [Edit]
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The Holidays reminded me how little I mean to anyone.
>> No. 23981 [Edit]
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Damn it's time to look for low lvl job ~ahahaha...
>> No. 23985 [Edit]
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>> No. 23988 [Edit]
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Its all so tiresome,
>> No. 23993 [Edit]
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>> No. 24023 [Edit]
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I'm so sick of this.
>> No. 24024 [Edit]
File 154787370682.jpg - (236.10KB , 1600x1200 , 1275622821596.jpg )
If you want to talk, go on IRC.
>> No. 24025 [Edit]
File 154789489288.png - (812.10KB , 1280x738 , realplayer2018-10-07-02h58m51s941.png )
stop being so obsessed with your social media networks
>> No. 24026 [Edit]
File 154791881372.jpg - (43.31KB , 411x500 , reflections.jpg )
Please recognize that not every medium of communication is fit for every purpose and that IRC lacks the primary quality of modern social media networks: size, in particular breadth.
>> No. 24027 [Edit]
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>> No. 24031 [Edit]
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>> No. 24032 [Edit]
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>> No. 24044 [Edit]
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>> No. 24071 [Edit]
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>> No. 24090 [Edit]
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fuck off mom
>> No. 24097 [Edit]
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loneliness kills
>> No. 24102 [Edit]
File 154915899854.jpg - (117.78KB , 850x850 , sample_415f74db8d8304af221aa5d668d3cc3887c089e8.jpg )
i wish i had friends
>> No. 24103 [Edit]
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I'll be your friend.
>> No. 24116 [Edit]
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>> No. 24127 [Edit]
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>> No. 24137 [Edit]
File 155077313613.png - (6.84MB , 2093x2958 , Vampy_(Shingeki_no_Bahamut)_full_2502008.png )
I can be your friend, if you want. My email is if you're interested.
>> No. 24157 [Edit]
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>> No. 24159 [Edit]
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>> No. 24160 [Edit]
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Here is my email if you want, or others that have posted in this thread.

Post edited on 4th Mar 2019, 5:27pm
>> No. 24161 [Edit]
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Feel free to email me. We can be pen pals.
>> No. 24162 [Edit]
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>> No. 24163 [Edit]
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Im fine but i wish today didn't happened.
>> No. 24164 [Edit]
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>> No. 24165 [Edit]
File 155284867197.jpg - (172.40KB , 800x1200 , B530518C-448F-49CD-85FF-A356FED77477.jpg )
Does thinking about killing myself 20 years in the future to avoid dealing with Parkinson’s and detached retinas count?
>> No. 24166 [Edit]
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Anon need more dopamine. Anon sad.
>> No. 24167 [Edit]
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>> No. 24168 [Edit]
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That's just about how I think about it. I'm not depressed and have never thought about committing suicide, but I do think that in the far future doing so and dying early maybe preferable to continuing to live, given the correct circumstances. Just in a "is what it is" sort of way.
>> No. 24169 [Edit]
I dont have a problem with parkinson or deteriorating vision, but I am really scared of Alzheimers. It seems horrible to loose your memory and abillity to think clear. If I would get diagnosed I would probably kill myself on the same day.

(No picture because something is going really wrong with my PC right now)
>> No. 24170 [Edit]
File 155288542828.jpg - (199.54KB , 1052x1200 , 4e3807f8c588c7b5e139ebb63199a8d6.jpg )
i cant think clearly anymore
>> No. 24248 [Edit]
>>23269 hey this is one of my all time favorite images
>> No. 24249 [Edit]
One of my extended family members is beginning to experience memory loss and it is extremely depressing. Within 10 years all my extended family will be gone. The depression will become so crushing as everything I've known withers and fades. How on earth will i hold down a job at that point i don't know. I barely make it through the week as is. I can't even talk about my family members passing away without breaking down in tears. Life is a curse.
>> No. 24256 [Edit]
File 155342336635.jpg - (360.99KB , 850x1202 , 4a673af688698159313b0c63ca9572bac3d4be4f.jpg )
>> No. 24262 [Edit]
File 155365783510.png - (300.54KB , 829x720 , 7f1b34d9f843810d2e92810e56be0b489d7ce833246681eda7.png )
Haven't posted here in years. There are roadworks on my street, there is a jackhammer going non-stop. This piercing noise. I just want to be asleep but even that is too much to ask. Life is just a series of little pains and annoyances and for what? I don't even enjoy anything. I never consented to being here. Fuck, why the FUCK am I still alive?
>> No. 24263 [Edit]
File 155366439260.gif - (94.54KB , 500x460 , tumblr_m0n1iqGPG01qlelp0o1_500.gif )
I hope you get some good sleep soon, Anon!
>> No. 24264 [Edit]
Thanks. I have ear plugs and some pillows to put over my head, so that helps a bit. Hopefully the work will finish some time this week.
>> No. 24269 [Edit]
File 15540754192.jpg - (328.91KB , 700x981 , 0345.jpg )
I wish people weren't so mean
>> No. 24270 [Edit]
I second that.
>> No. 24271 [Edit]
People are mean to you because you have something they don't have. Whether that be compassion, intelligence or what have you. You seem to be a very sensitive guy so I'm sure they envy that about you. They are the ones who are flawed, not you.
>> No. 24274 [Edit]
You think too highly of people.
>> No. 24275 [Edit]
I'm sorry anon but I don't think that's either true nor helpful. People largely bully to advance themselves and the truth is it works. For one it paints the bully as having achieved some sort of victory (even if it's over a literal retard humans don't care) but more importantly it helps beat you down and remove you from competition.

The only real way to fight against bullies is to be a big enough threat. Either by being capable of smearing them back with the ten second zingers that normies love so much or by just making yourself a big enough pain to deal with that they don't want to bother by being the counselor/hr department's pet. They'll end up hating you more that way, but they'll at least let you be. Of course it's not quite perfect since it'll make you end up all alone and probably in some dead end position but at least it gets the assholes off your back.

Unfortunately escalations to physical violence is pretty much out of the question unless they're bullying you physically. It's completely morally justified but in this backwards society we're reaching a point where defending yourself is even seen as wrong. Even then though you can pump your chest up and yell. When the quiet, somewhat depressive man who doesn't get very excited starts yelling everyone pays attention. They'll start making jokes about you being the next columbine, often saying they're nice to you because they want to be spared. Just let them know they're on the hitlist and if that lands you in the hot water of some zero tolerance policy drag all the people giving you shit about it right in the deepend with you. Get emotional and throw a fit. It's stupid and childish but that's just what works. Just look at the service industry. People who are kind and respectful get shafted and ignored but the ones who come in and feel entitled to special treatment don't just get what they want, they get free shit on top of it.

That said, if your bully is female you're pretty much fucked.

I hate being mean to people and acting like an asshole but it's the sort of thing that's really dog eat dog, even with people you think of as friends. There's exceptions of course, but they're pretty hard to find. Usually such people are fellow social rejects but they're often rejects in different ways which leads to you having nothing in common outside of "getting" eachother.

(polite sage for ranty, poorly written textwall)
>> No. 24276 [Edit]
this is a pics thread not a discussion thread
>> No. 24277 [Edit]
> People who are kind and respectful get shafted and ignored but the ones who come in and feel entitled to special treatment don't just get what they want, they get free shit on top of it.
It's sad how true this is, and it's something that happens in many aspects of life. There's really no incentive in our culture to be a decent person.
>> No. 24278 [Edit]
File 155443814254.jpg - (56.42KB , 800x500 , 1483549890244134466.jpg )
>people refuse to behave exactly the way i want them to, its a huge problem with this world. its so sad, i'm the victim and everyone owes me bigtime because of that.
get a load of the sense of entitlement on this one

>> No. 24279 [Edit]
I would say that's a bit of a stretch, but that's a pretty damn huge stretch as you interpret it.
>> No. 24280 [Edit]
Stop replying to it, that's what it wants.
>> No. 24281 [Edit]
File 155453335246.jpg - (649.50KB , 758x1082 , d5ce0c2a4b9927554b58afadd5c77ff80611d16a.jpg )
>> No. 24282 [Edit]
File 155453476789.png - (843.96KB , 1280x738 , realplayer2019-03-27-04h24m08s615.png )
Those people who refuse to post pictures of cute anime girls in the cute anime girls picture thread, but still insist on being included in the thread, needed to be disciplined.
>> No. 24284 [Edit]
File 15545955202.jpg - (115.00KB , 1169x1700 , __tsuru_chan_original_drawn_by_taishi_picchiridou_.jpg )
Hello and welcome back. I wish you a nice stay here and I hope it will make you feel a little better.

I have nightingales outside of my window. They're very loud and they keep going all night every night. Drills and hammers by day, birds by night. The noise never stops.
>> No. 24285 [Edit]
File 155461362814.png - (428.79KB , 767x538 , 516373509e8d86a9e5b4c89b5cf919ee602ad762.png )
>> No. 24292 [Edit]
File 155547945767.jpg - (126.59KB , 1280x720 , 1401338392599.jpg )
Hey anon-kun, you don't want to become a mentally unstable person do you...? You should take your meds before you commit a crime... gosh, what am I saying, anon-kun? You'd never do that, would you?
>> No. 24293 [Edit]
File 155560699515.jpg - (801.75KB , 948x1000 , 1554656735953.jpg )
The world is torture, misery, pain
>> No. 24296 [Edit]
File 155573199319.png - (3.00MB , 1668x1306 , F2EC3E56-E65F-4E4F-9DBC-55DEBBBFD996.png )
I have bedbugs
This might be the final straw
>> No. 24297 [Edit]
File 155578262665.jpg - (97.11KB , 604x837 , __yorha_type_a_no_2_nier_series_and_etc_drawn_by_m.jpg )
Nuke 'em anon
>> No. 24298 [Edit]
Apologies for being offtopic, but are you from /toy/?
>> No. 24299 [Edit]
No. I just have intense anxiety from having to leave my room to avoid being bitten.
>> No. 24300 [Edit]
File 155581943118.png - (1.76MB , 1242x1680 , yande_re 425869 5240mosu cleavage kaguya_luna kagu.png )
How do you think they suddenly appeared there...? And very sorry to hear that.... I hope I'll never see one for the rest of my life....
>> No. 24301 [Edit]
Purchase a steam cleaning machine and use it on your bed. Hope this helps.
>> No. 24302 [Edit]
File 155582764134.jpg - (194.97KB , 1456x2059 , catgirl.jpg )
Steam cleaning might be a good first step, but depending on how bad the infestation is it may not be sufficient. If you can rent one of the industrial-strength room heaters that the professionals use that would work (they basically just heat the entire room to 130F to kill everything). Another thing I've read works well is cimexa (micro silica) to dry out their exoskeletons.
>> No. 24303 [Edit]
He carried them in from outside or they wandered in if the building is infested. Anyone can get bed bugs. For example if you travel in an infested train or bus you can easily get some on your stuff without ever noticing.
>> No. 24304 [Edit]
File 155590556764.jpg - (0.98MB , 2000x2750 , escalator-voyeurism.jpg )
no anime girl & no hint of suicidal thoughts, are you sure you're in the right thread?
>> No. 24305 [Edit]
He's just trying to help.
>> No. 24306 [Edit]
File 155592396394.jpg - (141.76KB , 704x999 , Top20-Sexiest-Opulent-Characters-5.jpg )
no anime girl = not helping
>> No. 24307 [Edit]
File 15559338172.jpg - (90.78KB , 472x691 , 7AB87EF2-F326-4206-B8A5-5947A4D5CCE4.jpg )
There’s no meaning to it all.
Just RNG
>> No. 24326 [Edit]
File 155615803375.jpg - (353.87KB , 964x1064 , 0 proposal Rei ii.jpg )
>> No. 24330 [Edit]
File 155633918453.jpg - (123.62KB , 756x1100 , Alpha_Hatsuseno_full_434690.jpg )
>> No. 24331 [Edit]
File 155641552567.jpg - (143.31KB , 800x600 , ev2001b.jpg )
>> No. 24334 [Edit]
File 155642113172.jpg - (1.27MB , 2447x3500 , __kuchiki_touko_kara_no_shoujo_drawn_by_sugina_mik.jpg )
>> No. 24335 [Edit]
File 155657809382.png - (146.16KB , 700x489 , pbs_twimg_com_media_D5U7YxlUEAEC.png )
>> No. 24336 [Edit]
File 155658537671.jpg - (310.80KB , 1254x1600 , 155590558764.jpg )
>> No. 24337 [Edit]
File 155668556087.jpg - (727.32KB , 586x1200 , 1547956457279.jpg )
I hope I get starved by hospital for 40 hours and die of dehydration.
>> No. 24352 [Edit]
File 155734447835.png - (1.86MB , 2026x2865 , resized__atago_and_atago_azur_lane_drawn_by_buta_t.png )
My monitor is running warm and I can feel it when I sit too close.
I was browsing pictures and when this one came up the heat made me feel like she was really close for a second.
Even got a slight tingly sensation in my cheek, almost as if it was about to be gently scratched.
I'm so sad, god damn it. I want to die.
>> No. 24353 [Edit]
File 155760618471.png - (38.37KB , 310x401 , komisan.png )
>> No. 24354 [Edit]
File 155769822910.jpg - (59.44KB , 400x524 , 154497003490.jpg )
inch by inch
when will you take the hint?
>> No. 24374 [Edit]
File 15582769899.png - (650.50KB , 700x1200 , 24b1e6162498faa12ba13c29fe87107c727a9bbf00058c2c7f.png )
I was moving my monitor and dropped it on a sharp corner. Messed it up real good right in the middle of the screen. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but man, I can't be bothered with this shit any more. The most minor inconveniences make me want to die.
>> No. 24375 [Edit]
File 155834402872.png - (36.80KB , 489x595 , Rei-chan.png )
>> No. 24376 [Edit]
File 155835161421.jpg - (158.93KB , 1920x1200 , 132313965647.jpg )
That's not a minor inconvenience.
>> No. 24377 [Edit]
File 155835665655.jpg - (123.37KB , 945x1200 , etna_disgaea.jpg )
Well, it still works technically. Just has a big scratch in it now where all the pixels are white, I guess because the polarising filter was scratched off. I have an old monitor I got from a pawn shop for $5. Might cut out a bit of its filter and tape it over the scratched parts on the good monitor.
>> No. 24390 [Edit]
File 155887549515.jpg - (449.07KB , 2048x1884 , DW2yVpKV4AELEin_jpg large.jpg )
I hate this.
>> No. 24392 [Edit]
File 155899591770.png - (469.53KB , 1112x1500 , __yuigahama_yui_yahari_ore_no_seishun_lovecome_wa_.png )
Pathetic confessions time. I know no one cares but I feel a desperate need to post anything in a hopeless attempt to connect.

I hate it when I have to stop masturbating for whatever reason. More than 3 days and I start having erotic dreams.
Usually I don't dream at all or only have nightmares, and to be honest I prefer the nightmares.
Should I even call them nightmares? Dreams which would probably give normal people night terrors are not particularly uncomfortable for me anymore.
These dreams are bizarre and can be stressful but somehow they lost the scariness. Maybe real life familiarity with all the feelings present in a standard nightmare is desensitizing.

It's the conventionally 'nice' dreams that truly terrify me. Especially the erotic dreams. I've been starved of human intimacy for so long it feels alien and frightening to me.

When I'm awake I can at least fantasize without panicking, being able to consciously suppress the awareness of how inhumanely unattractive and universally despised I am as a 30 year old virgin NEET.
Though I often daydream of love, companionship, emotional and physical contact and sex I have to bring myself into a certain state of suspension of disbelief to even be able to masturbate.
It's easy to lose focus and slip back into reality-aware logical thinking, resulting in instant limp dick and a slight feeling of getting punched in the guts.
To enjoy my rigged fantasies which are so very far removed from reality I need to maintain the mindset of isolation from all logic and knowledge, but when I sleep I lose that pathetic layer of illusory control and safety.

I'm mostly cool with nightmares because I've been living one for decades. It's just same old, same old.
On the other hand the erotic dreams upset me more than anything else. Sometimes it's so haunting I can't recover for days. Had one of these last night.
My erotic dreams are rarely sexual. It doesn't get to actual sex. However in these dreams I somehow find myself in positions where a male can, should, or is expected to initiate some form of intimate contact with a female.
Sometimes I attempt to awkwardly proceed. Most of the time I try to run like hell, confused and panicked like a fish taken out of water.
Either way the end results are the same: shame, humiliation a dreadful feeling of the entire world watching with disgust, disbelief, cruel amusement and morbid curiosity.

My dreams tend to be chaotic and vague so it leads to all sorts of bizarre situations, but these sequences of nonsensical scenes are connected by the same themes, the same feelings.
When I wake up I feel ill, physically weak and emotionally crushed, often unable to get out of bed.

But the night before I dreamed of being stalked and mauled by a tiger. I tried to fight back in vain for what felt like hours. I died in my old room, in a home my family moved out of 15 years ago. It was absurdly brutal. I felt nothing when I woke up.

The reality of human interaction and its inevitable consequences to me, a complete loser, are more terrifying than anything. To the point where I'm more comfortable with a prospect of explicit pain, stress, fear, direct danger.
>> No. 24393 [Edit]
File 15590751719.jpg - (881.06KB , 1000x708 , 62303814_p0.jpg )
>> No. 24401 [Edit]
File 155979678724.png - (1.00MB , 1728x1080 , sleep.png )
"The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flame yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don‘t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

-David Foster Wallace
>> No. 24403 [Edit]
File 156003129016.jpg - (102.47KB , 451x700 , 74722940_p2.jpg )
i feel like someone is screaming inside my chest!!
>> No. 24404 [Edit]
Hasn't anyone told you not to play with strange alien eggs?
>> No. 24405 [Edit]
File 156004853333.jpg - (720.05KB , 1000x1400 , 1560033216544.jpg )
I am in total despair. My life is over. I have already made every good memory I'll ever make. Distractions don't work anymore, hopelessness is at the forefront of my mind at all times. The real gravity of my situation has finally dawned on me and I can no longer ignore it. I'm terrified and deeply mournful. I wish my life could have been more than this.
>> No. 24406 [Edit]
File 156005343052.jpg - (755.05KB , 800x1113 , __itsuka_kotori_date_a_live_drawn_by_senya_fuurin_.jpg )
Sounds terrible, it is interesting you wrote such a detailed post into the mental state of many young men. No affection is like a nuclear bomb to a mans development. I can related to the though of intimacy being such a remote and intimating thing thing. It has gotten to a point that physical contact would be bothersome to me. I am just so accustomed that being a virgin has become embedded into my personality.
>> No. 24407 [Edit]
File 156006042913.jpg - (429.12KB , 1180x2150 , __akagi_and_kaga_azur_lane_drawn_by_zhibuji_loom__.jpg )
I want to write a long post about how sad and angry I am but they all turn out to be too pathetic and incoherent so just know that I am really sad and angry and I hope someone snipe me with an artillery cannon.
>> No. 24408 [Edit]
File 15601488278.jpg - (83.10KB , 620x350 , genshiken 1-1-620x.jpg )
Rather drunk right now and about to sleep.
With a little bit of luck, I won't wake up.
>> No. 24410 [Edit]
File 156055090246.jpg - (19.52KB , 474x267 , thinking.jpg )
>> No. 24411 [Edit]
i often dream of dying i either fall from a high place, crash with a car or have something falling from the sky and hitting me. everything just becomes white and i continue with a different dream without waking up. i have very vivid dreams and many of them i can also remember my dreams months back. but i agree, dreams of socializing or love are the worst. i somethimes spectate others in my dreams as in im not the main protagonist but others are, thats exactly how i was before i became a shut in. i just didnt have anything to say to people and i found it more amusing to just observe people instead of just saying stuff for no reason
>> No. 24412 [Edit]
File 156060601323.png - (1.78MB , 1122x1948 , a50145e727031240de3a6bc485160bbd.png )
You'd think surviving suicide and spending a month in a hospital would change my mind and make me want to live but no, That survival high wears off too eventually when you realize nothing is solved no matter how hard you try.
>> No. 24414 [Edit]
File 156096257429.jpg - (1.40MB , 1062x1505 , lobt3k9q4k331.jpg )
>> No. 24418 [Edit]
File 156102087167.png - (1.77MB , 1139x1578 , __hatoba_tsugu_hatoba_tsugu_drawn_by_tommy830219__.png )
>> No. 24420 [Edit]
File 156108513163.jpg - (68.82KB , 700x682 , __houjuu_nue_touhou_drawn_by_motsuba__a039446e8ad8.jpg )
That's awful. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I'm sorry. No one deserves to suffer like this.

I don't know your circumstances but I understand the general feelings too well, for what it's worth.

Thank you for replying. Usually I don't get any replies so this means a lot to me.

>No affection is like a nuclear bomb to a mans development
Well, I don't know about normal people but it was to mine.
It takes me back to that period of life when adolescent men are supposed to be starting to connect with the outside world, finding validation, a sense of belonging and courage to carry on.
Back then my home was a tense and turbulent environment. It was a place of constant anxiety and fear, ready to blow up at any moment.
It was then that I needed an outside connection the most, the affection and validation of being desired for who you are.
I can only imagine how much young love means to people growing up. To be so fully accepted by another person for the first time, not out of some bleak obligation like family does - but because they truly want you. It must me incredible.
Unfortunately I faced isolation, emotional and physical violence both at home and at school. It killed me inside.
I mean it, the person I was born as really was obliterated into nothing. What remains is an aging shell.
I have no personality, there's just pain and deep feelings of longing impossible to ever fulfill or calm.

I feel the need to post these long, pathetic confessions. I have a strong, maybe irrational need to make someone, anyone know about me.
I want to go into detail and write and write, to somehow compensate for being a nameless ghost with no real connection to anyone.
Sometimes I need to confess like one confesses their sins, because I hate myself and what I am and sometimes it's too much to keep inside and deal with all of it alone.
But I don't know if I should do this. Are posts like this OK or are they seen as a nuisance?
>> No. 24421 [Edit]
File 156108602934.jpg - (334.70KB , 637x850 , 1515974214155.jpg )
Anon, I don't have much to say other than that was a nice post to read and I hope you'll find that sort of affection soon. You seem like a nice person and I hope you'll be okay. And don't think for a second that those kind of posts are a nuisance, hell, they're the whole reason I come to this board.

Also nue a cute.
>> No. 24422 [Edit]
File 156110319065.jpg - (1.18MB , 1116x1578 , 72678557_p0.jpg )
>> No. 24423 [Edit]
File 156110336559.jpg - (686.56KB , 1144x701 , __reisen_udongein_inaba_touhou_drawn_by_yushika__d.jpg )
I am not trying to invalidate your experiences but since you reply to me and I have nothing better to do, I'll blogpost my opinion. I don't feel bad about not receiving affection, at least not to the extent that it bothers me. It has always been a mild inconvenience, no more harmful than the temporary frustration from losing at video games. I used to be more concerned about not having affections but observing and interacting with people make me realize that no matter how much loneliness hurts, having to deal with another human being is drastically more abhorrent. People can't understand you. People can't give you satisfaction. People will seek conflict with you. People will pull you into pack animals social hierarchy thinking. It is probably different for another person but it is these ways for me. I spent my formative teenage years hating people and padding up my arrogance to the point that I find it disgusting to seek validation from another. To seek validation is a weakness. Man should do what they will. To compromise their own individual will to be accepted by other people is to be a slave.

I think that hatred for the real world is why I have no trouble getting my fix of love from fictional media. It's because I believe that such pure love is something that only exists in the ideal realm and can only be experienced through imaginative thinking. Expecting to feel this love from a real human is like expecting people can shoot energy beams in real life. It is silly to be sad about it. That being said I do still feel melancholic every time I look at anime pictures or wake up from a good dream but for some reason I found the melancholia pleasurable, even aesthetically pleasing, like a tragic hero's lament at a drama. I think I may have the same problem as you in that I long for a love that I don't have. The difference is that I don't even believe that it is possible to be obtained in real life so I am not bothered by the lack of it outside fiction.

I don't know how to help you. I am not intelligent or wise and my own shitty life means that nobody should take my advice seriously. But my philosophy in life is that life is an insufferable mass of suffering and we can't do much about it. You seem to worry a lot about the past and what ifs. There is nothing you can do about the injustice you've faced. The world isn't just or unjust, it is indifferent. You can only try with your ability, to make the best of what you have. Sorry for being so long winded and incoherent, sometimes I just need to vent.
>> No. 24431 [Edit]
File 156128194795.jpg - (32.53KB , 316x480 , 154567831935 nagisa.jpg )
Plaease just help me. Please.
I'm at my limit.
>> No. 24432 [Edit]
File 15613157725.jpg - (1.70MB , 1476x2087 , f5cf8afc78c1f45660ef800cde3297cf.jpg )
I have been feeling depressed lately because I kept telling myself I should have studied something related to physics. I bought a book about astronomy, and partly it made things better. Sometimes, like tonight, it's not enough.

I regret the choices I made in my life and I regret being the coward I am.
>> No. 24433 [Edit]
File 156133225010.jpg - (166.55KB , 1066x1874 , __mordred_and_mordred_fate_apocrypha_and_etc_drawn.jpg )
The way I feel about things is different, but I can't disagree with you. After all I also have experienced the ugly side of human interaction in full, I'm not ignorant of its realities. It's largely responsible for making me what I am.
I've observed how people behave, individually and as groups, and noticed the vicious patterns.
There's a huge rift between what I should know based on my experiences, and how I feel, what I long for.
I was never able to reject the dream of better a world existing somewhere beyond my reach, even if it's just a mirage.
I couldn't find my own way like you have.
The more I was pushed away, the farther I ran away, the more I missed it.

I tried to kill the longing. I don't want to admit it, but I also have this hate and arrogance within me. Sometimes I feel it's fully justified, other times it horrifies me.
It's difficult. I feel like I earned my right to be this way by surviving the gauntlet. At the same time I recognize these are the exact traits of people who treated me badly.
It's like they taught it to me, and I don't want it. I don't want to be like them... And I try to be different but at some level I can never resist. Or worse, maybe I don't want to resist.
In a way the struggle with what's inside of me is similar to my relationship with the outside reality- I desperately don't want that ugliness but I know it's there. So I hate it and hate myself.
Personally I find it hard to live with this harsh aspect of humanity but I won't judge you for embracing it. I understand too well how it can from organically.
The other poster said I seemed like a nice person but I know I'm not. I want to appear as one and I secretly wanted to be called one. Maybe I want to be one, but I'm not.

For me there was no freedom in accepting that what I want does not exist. It made the emptiness I feel hurt even more.
I don't want to believe that what I already experienced is all there is to it. I don't want to accept that everything I had to endure was pointless.
Deep down I have a dreadful feeling that it really was pointless and worthless. As you said the world constantly demonstrates its indifference to me and my experiences. But I'm stubborn in not wanting to believe it.
I understand it would be right to call me a coward or a fool for trying to hide from truth. But the actions of people who lived in this ruthless harmony with the hard, cold realities often hurt me; directly and indirectly.
Having experienced what it's like to be on the receiving end of utilizing such philosophy, do I have the right to apply it myself? I'd like to avoid it. To avoid bringing more pain into the world.

Anyway, I think I do understand your point of view. I found your input valuable, so thank you for sharing your opinion. You don't have to apologize for expressing a different perspective.
As long as we don't hurt each other it's alright.

Can I help you in any way? As you see I'm a horrible mess so I can't offer much to anyone. But if there is anything I could do to make you feel even a tiny bit better, please ask. If not me then maybe someone else will be able to.

I wish I knew how to deal with pain like yours. It really does feel like an unstoppable, crushing force.
I hope your studies will bring you more and more fulfillment as you advance. Perhaps with deeper knowledge you will gain new strength to counter despair?
I know hope is a cruel thing, maybe even the most cruel of all. But still, maybe the courage that you deserve will come eventually?
Amateur astronomers have contributed so much to the field...
I also wanted to study astronomy once. I dreamed of building a reasonably large Dobsonian telescope.
It's impressive how dedicated hobbyists can build these precise instruments at home almost completely by hand, including the grinding of the mirrors.
As I researched the topic I became intimidated, especially by the difficulty of figuring large mirrors so I gave up. Like I always do.
But I know a project like this is definitely not unheard of, not impossible.

Please forgive me if you find this to be full of annoying and empty feel-good bullshit and platitudes.
I only wanted to rely a little warmth to those who seem to need it. I obviously don't know how to actually help, so I tried to give others what I myself secretly and shamefully crave every time I post. The feeling of being acknowledged and comforted by a kind reply.
I'm sorry if I was egoistical, sorry if anything I wrote made any of you feel worse. Please don't hate me.
>> No. 24434 [Edit]
File 156135006029.jpg - (1.67MB , 1447x2047 , __inaba_tewi_and_reisen_udongein_inaba_touhou_draw.jpg )
Rejecting or hating the real world doesn't necessarily mean going out of your way to cause suffering or destruction. It could also mean that you hate it to the point of not wanting it in your life, so you ignore it and it forms a defensive mechanism against bad feelings like loneliness. But there is no shame in feeling bad about turning into a hateful person, in fact many would find that praiseworthy. As for me, I believe that we can't really control how we feel. Maybe there is some people out there with such good emotional control they can resist anger and temptation when they will it or maybe being able to control your feelings is basic human ability and we're just defective. Anyway, I find resisting how the world made you turn out to be quite futile. The sum of my experience, genetics, and environment have got nothing on some vague idea of virtue I don't even really care about. In this case, I am probably the coward instead of you for dismissing the whole world as bad out of convenience and fear of failure. Well, everybody is different and what I said is just my own subjective value system that you don't have to follow. Don't feel too bad about yourself. You still have anime, various other interests and a loser circlejerk on the internet to help you cope.
>> No. 24435 [Edit]
Fight for it.

I studied maths but failed misserably. The only thing I was slightly profficient at was logic and set theory, but I gave it all away pursuing another dream that I also failed massively at. Then, after being a hiki for 5 years, I went out again (had to, for $$), got my degree somehow and turned into philosophy of science, specially logic. That allowed me to relearn and get close to logic once again, somehow; although my economic future is still most uncertain...

By all means, get back on it somehow, in your own way. It's something worth pursuing.
>> No. 24436 [Edit]
File 156165909287.jpg - (104.55KB , 1000x1000 , lum_sitting.jpg )
Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the fact that life requires you to "do things" almost constantly every day until you die. I wish I could somehow sleep for a few months without starving or being evicted. A sort of induced coma as respite from life.
>> No. 24437 [Edit]
File 156218475168.jpg - (44.76KB , 500x400 , 74069414_p7.jpg )
My closest family is so lame. So am I...
>> No. 24446 [Edit]
File 156287484058.jpg - (509.92KB , 1693x866 , 56376665_p0.jpg )
I get this tight feeling in my chest whenever I look at beautiful anime pictures. Why is this?
>> No. 24447 [Edit]
File 15628771277.jpg - (35.62KB , 474x296 , download3.jpg )
I used to have this same problem. The reason for me was that around this time, ironic weebs were everywhere, and whenever I saw a cute anime girl or beautiful anime pic, I would get this feeling of dread; that anime girls were ruined for me and that I would never be able to enjoy anime again (I know that sounds silly but I was also extremely depressed around this time so I was sensitive to even minor inconveniences). However, now that this ironic weeb fad is starting to calm down, (or maybe I just stopped caring) I have started appreciating them again.
Is it possible that you are experiencing the same thing or is it just unexplainable?
>> No. 24449 [Edit]
File 156294463677.png - (1.23MB , 2048x1024 , __original_drawn_by_astg__2c9b416ccc8e768867d03d79.png )
It is definitely something different since I never cared about other people. The first thing that comes to mind is that I am sad that something so beautiful can't exist in my world and how my own life with it's ugliness and suffering clashes with the perfection in the picture. That does sounds like an oversimplification and I was wondering if another person here has more knowledge on the matter. From what I read of your post though, it seems that people can feel sad for wildly different reason from anime pictures so my hope of finding someone with the exact same problem as me but with more understanding of his situation is dashed. I hate having these perfect beautiful things that I can only imagine through a picture but at the same time I am also glad that I can find a speck of beauty in the wasteland that is my life. But a speck is all it is and in the end it probably only serve to make all the painful times more despairing.
>> No. 24461 [Edit]
File 156381507748.jpg - (129.29KB , 900x509 , Dw9J9D4U0AA3tOZ.jpg )
>> No. 24462 [Edit]
File 156382127346.jpg - (71.97KB , 584x962 , __fubuki_kantai_collection_drawn_by_hei_tonarinohe.jpg )
Another suicidal ideation, another cute anime picture.
>> No. 24480 [Edit]
File 156417153779.jpg - (55.89KB , 500x459 , 1454699505000.jpg )
>This gallery has been removed or is unavailable.

>You will be redirected to the front page momentarily.

Those are some dark times to be a otaku.
>> No. 24481 [Edit]
File 156417856070.jpg - (73.37KB , 512x640 , 1eea5a07045d4d029dd599e0bbb0372e51a2c9f6.jpg )
I wanna die so fucking bad...
>> No. 24484 [Edit]
Dark times indeed. It seems like every week, there is some piece of bad news coming out about anime or japanese media in general.
>> No. 24511 [Edit]
File 156477970528.jpg - (177.86KB , 1226x768 , Sion.jpg )
>> No. 24512 [Edit]
File 156479824516.jpg - (109.24KB , 983x959 , pbs_twimg_com_media_D_ZA6HlWkAAj.jpg )
>> No. 24528 [Edit]
File 156542116951.jpg - (1.37MB , 1920x1080 , himari 0.jpg )
I'm so sick of this
>> No. 24529 [Edit]
File 156547623854.jpg - (71.41KB , 272x476 , 1565415944810.jpg )
I thought about killing myself, and, realizing that the time I am in would probably the best to do so, I noticed that I was not opposed to the idea of dying and found it to be a rather freeing thought. Not upset, not sad, just relieved at the thought that I can end it all. I'm scared because I've never been this complacent about the idea of dying before. To simply not care at all, to feel that death, so far from something terrifying, important, or sad, is just something I could do to make life not hard anymore.
>> No. 24535 [Edit]
Take care of yourself. I hope you haven't killed yourself yet because I would like to get at least a reply from you before you go. But if you already have I understand. Just know that at least one person out there cares about you.
>> No. 24541 [Edit]
File 156616560758.png - (2.73MB , 2507x3541 , 8883136.png )
Dying is such a hassle.
>> No. 24543 [Edit]
File 156618091492.jpg - (114.99KB , 800x567 , 1928227D-D142-43FB-816E-E5D93FA86D7C.jpg )
The urge to end it keeps getting stronger. The ideations increase in frequency and keep seeming more and more reasonable. I already know how I’ll do it: carbon monoxide tank hooked up to a mask coated with Shellac. Now I’m just counting down the days till I can’t take it anymore and the suffering overrides the guilt and fear.
>> No. 24544 [Edit]
The more you think about anything, the stronger those thoughts get. You're training your brain to be suicidal.
>> No. 24545 [Edit]
The only things that stop the thoughts are not healthy or productive so what then smart guy. I don’t wanna live in this sickening world. I can’t function I can’t get a job. I can see society declining into shit. Boy I can’t wait to live in third world conditions AND be unemployable AND mentally ill as fuck. Begging in the streets and then getting murdered by gang members sounds soooo much better than a peaceful exit.
>> No. 24547 [Edit]
Why do you still care if what you do is healthy or productive? If you've given up on life, why would that concern you? Isn't spending time less miserably better even if it's "wasted"? Unless you haven't given up on life.

Post edited on 18th Aug 2019, 8:45pm
>> No. 24548 [Edit]
File 156630445557.jpg - (218.52KB , 1320x1596 , UTbZyzY.jpg )
I'm just holding on to see you again next year.
Just one more time. The last one.
>> No. 24549 [Edit]
File 156630790436.png - (3.28MB , 1414x2000 , 04489a9a2bc19327827c2a599eed2c50c5fd09af.png )
Same here, for a while I never thought I'd have the courage to do it, but for no obvious reason I've suddenly begun working on closing this world and opening the next.

Maybe we all will meet again in gensokyo, eh?
>> No. 24550 [Edit]
I love this image. Thank you for posting it.
>> No. 24551 [Edit]
Please don't.
Please, please don't.
>> No. 24552 [Edit]
File 156632610761.jpg - (99.67KB , 600x600 , 42414675_p0.jpg )
Why not?
>> No. 24555 [Edit]
You don't go to Gensokyo when you die... It's not an afterlife.
>> No. 24558 [Edit]
File 156647172988.png - (492.70KB , 811x1230 , 1564855681325.png )
I hope one day we all meet again in gensokyo. When we do, please don't hate me for who I am.
>> No. 24560 [Edit]
File 156647675848.jpg - (230.83KB , 850x1275 , 7A6C4C55-EE3E-4CBE-AF7A-FACC0E3F9492-8222-000007DB.jpg )
I wonder how some of the people in this thread, the ones already preparing to die, would do if they were born in a world were society doesn't exist and everybody lives in jungle tribes. Were they born defective and would have died quickly, or would they be fine?
>> No. 24567 [Edit]
Based on my childhood personality, I would have gotten in more and more trouble with my tribe until I either ended up killing people, getting killed, or getting kicked out. I've always been extremely deceitful, and when I wasn't lying to people above me I was pissing off other kids.
>> No. 24569 [Edit]
File 156652600943.jpg - (266.54KB , 1920x1080 , 1531262049138.jpg )
Born defective in the most literal sense, without the ""heroic"" efforts of modern medicine I would have died several times over as a babe. Even without that I doubt I would have lived long in primitive society, I always was a useless fuckup.
>> No. 24589 [Edit]
File 15673819373.jpg - (714.24KB , 850x1070 , drinking.jpg )
Dead in the morning and born at night, so man goes on forever, unenduring as the foam on the water.
And this man that is born and dies, who knows whence he came and whither he goes? And who knows also why with so much labor he builds his house, who knows which will survive the other? The dew may fall and the flower remain, but only to wither in the morning sun, or the dew may stay on the withered flower, but it will not see another evening.
>> No. 24590 [Edit]
File 156749028559.jpg - (254.77KB , 500x468 , 1565939562442.jpg )
I won't be able to kill myself as long as I have all of you! Anons are a dying breed so I have to do my part in keeping this subculture alive!
>> No. 24591 [Edit]
File 156759236732.png - (713.70KB , 1280x720 , A9AFC3C5-FA52-4780-9279-6A2B3AC52D4D.png )
My parents are making the decision to disallow me from accessing imageboards (and talking online in general) in an attempt to improve my mental health and I will not stand for it! I’ll at least sneak on TC.
>> No. 24592 [Edit]
File 156759329461.png - (1.23MB , 1051x1600 , -5nEygqQk-b4V0nuMFt4ghTjTFjaI_gzoy6C0-TEV8Q.png )
"I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying."
I always took that quote as a recommendation of the latter, unlike how it was meant in the film. Lately I've been thinking it to myself often.
>> No. 24593 [Edit]
How on Earth are they going to enforce that? Taking your computer away?
For what it's worth, I don't think depriving someone of their only human interaction is great for mental health.
>> No. 24594 [Edit]
File 156759466563.jpg - (1.99MB , 1433x1890 , __kuroki_tomoko_watashi_ga_motenai_no_wa_dou_kanga.jpg )
That's terrible news, anon.
Why? Does online communication really have negative effects on you?
Like, does it make you acutely sad or upset IRL or is it an arbitrary rule they made because they believe online-only socialization it's not normal and wrong?
My parents always tried to limit my access to the internet. Internet never actually affected my behaviour but they always viewed me as sick and addicted.
It would only make me feel worse because I couldn't form positive relationships IRL no matter how hard I tried, and taking away the internet meant I'd lose the only strand connecting me to the rest of the world.
It was almost like being in a prison. Spending most of the day in dull solitary confinement, and having to survive in an inherently unfriendly environment outside of my 'cell'.
In the end I got nothing positive out of it. They thought I'd be set straight when forced to sink or swim, but not for lack of trying I sank. Or rather, was sunk.
It only made me more cynical and wary of the real world.
>> No. 24595 [Edit]
File 156759495846.png - (1.34MB , 1500x500 , 086052A3-64A5-4C1B-A2A3-0EBA94643AE1.png )
My dad works in IT so something something IP blocking or perhaps parental control software if any exists on GNU/Linux.
A little bit of both, a lot of the times I feel distressed by stuff people post and often feel drained after browsing too long. Places like this kinda help though. I don’t know.
I’m very sorry to hear about your own bad experiences with that.
>> No. 24596 [Edit]
My parents would do this to if they didn't know that I would just get around it. I have disks with password cracks, and I know all the passwords in the house. I can log in to any account I want just by booting up a password decryption disk. They've never been allowed to know that I use imageboards though.
>> No. 24597 [Edit]
You could use an encryption tool to make a hidden os within your drive. On start-up, a password will be asked for. You can tell your dad one of them. When you use it, you put in another password to access the other os. He'd have no way of knowing.
>> No. 24598 [Edit]
An easier solution is to use a Linux Live USB distro like Puppy Linux or Slax. Plug it in, boot into it and use it as normal. As an added bonus, it leaves no footprint on the computer for "dad" to mess with.
>> No. 24599 [Edit]
File 156786073725.jpg - (290.94KB , 1920x1080 , 215.jpg )
My NTR/sadomasochism addiction has driven me to this emptiness and internal pain that I don't know what to do with. I was supposed to be very productive and have fun tonight but all I did was read NTR doujins (which made me lose my erection) and then contemplate it for hours just sitting on my bed. I am seriously thinking this could be it for me as my one comfort in life has been ruined because it is permanently associated with ntr and sadomasochism and bad feelings. My sexual outlook is garbage too and I can't get hard to nearly anything but the most insane shit.
Don't do hard porn.
>> No. 24600 [Edit]
File 156789253975.jpg - (295.13KB , 1179x1291 , 46fb0e48ec956cbd7d047e84ceb40635.jpg )
I don't want to work.

I can't say much other than try not to masturbate for a while and merely enjoy cute girls in ecchi situations. Your mileage might vary.
>> No. 24655 [Edit]
File 156834925964.jpg - (131.07KB , 682x1024 , 732BFD71-7A04-48CC-9F55-6416905A60AC.jpg )
please god I’m begging you strike me with lightning

maybe I should drive into a tornado
>> No. 24657 [Edit]
File 156886387598.png - (126.92KB , 380x295 , AC7B8068-3DE0-4E13-B6B1-D36C4F00026E.png )
I’m >>24599 .
Why am I so obsessed with NTR? I don’t even enjoy it yet I always find myself drawn to it. I hate it and feel like shit afterwards but I can’t stop reading it.
>> No. 24658 [Edit]
I can't even get up to anything other than NTR and humiliation. I don't binge as much as I did before but even when I don't masturbate for days I still can't fap to anything but NTR. Actually, reading vanilla porn actually feels sickening to me. The same way you would feel if you see a happy couple when you go out. Shit, I don't even realize how much I've come to hate vanilla over the years. This is some of the most saccharine and inane shit.
>> No. 24659 [Edit]
>Actually, reading vanilla porn actually feels sickening to me. The same way you would feel if you see a happy couple when you go out.
It actually took me a long time to realize that I hate it when I see people who are happy in public, and I hate them for being happy. Just pure and childish jealousy.
>> No. 24660 [Edit]
>The same way you would feel if you see a happy couple when you go out.
Except I don't feel that way at all. I know the probabiliy that i'd want to be in any kind of relationship with either people in that relationship is very low, so why would I be jealous of what makes other people happy? It's like if I got jealous over how many facebook friends someone had, or their sports car, or their macbook air. The average man's treasure is the exceptional man's trash. NTR reminds of some of human's worst aspects. nearly all of the "happy couples" you see wont be getting buried next to each other, while "vanilla" porn shows an ideal that's better than reality.
>> No. 24661 [Edit]
NTR is disgusting.
>> No. 24662 [Edit]
File 15690035896.jpg - (198.76KB , 1100x1035 , 1336828-1100x1035-2009-08-20-190125.jpg )
I think it's the same for me, although it's not so much jealousy as just a general feeling of disgust for intimacy. It's the same feeling I get from looking at gore, a raw and sickening sensitivity that crawls up my spine and into my brain until I can't stand it anymore and close the tab. At least NTR doesn't make me feel anything, besides a mild disdain. Is there a reason for this? A reason why I still can't watch someone kissing without wanting to throw up?
>> No. 24663 [Edit]
File 156900853615.png - (214.75KB , 529x386 , 1E1A7B45-819E-441A-BB07-84E3C84F6DEE.png )
>Shit, I don't even realize how much I've come to hate vanilla over the years. This is some of the most saccharine and inane shit.
I feel the exact opposite, 2D should be pure and not compared to 3D. Also, most people refer to vanilla when they mean pure love but I really think there’s a difference between vanilla the fetishes and vanilla fetishes. You don’t have to be into vanilla to dislike NTR.
Also, you’re not posting cute girls.
>> No. 24664 [Edit]
Were you molested or something?
>> No. 24665 [Edit]
Tactful post right here.
>> No. 24666 [Edit]
No, I just hate lovey dovey shit. Any form of romance really, just pisses me off. Oh, and I also get the same exact feeling from femdom. Maybe I just hate gentle sex/relationships? If there's no challenge and nothing bad is happening, I don't like it.
>> No. 24667 [Edit]
Oh, so you were neglected while growing up. I see.
>> No. 24668 [Edit]
File 156908916829.png - (362.64KB , 478x1266 , C2AC467D-07FF-49BD-ACA4-A8EF4300CECD.png )
Do you hate wholesome SoL too? The whole point of 2D is to have stuff that couldn’t happen in our world happen, and lovey dovey monogamous relationship are an example of that. I understand Brohnos are bitter but needing something bad to be happening in sexual situations is honestly strange to me. Also femdom isn’t gentle or lovey dovey unless it’s a specific type, most are pretty hardcore
Don’t make huge assumptions like this.
>> No. 24669 [Edit]
Humans are genetically designed to pursue affection. To perceive any kind of affection with disgust is something that only happens because of traumatic experiences. If this anon didn't go through any, the chances that they're some rare kind of mutant are far lower than them being bitter and feeling unlovable without being honest about it to themselves and others.
>> No. 24670 [Edit]
File 156910850344.jpg - (681.60KB , 1500x2131 , __original_drawn_by_tokiti__5491997793dd123ac9cd5e.jpg )
I'm the opposite here.

I was neglected, and lovey dovey stuff is my #1 favorite thing of all time...
I'm incredibly perverted and my fetishes are countless, but when doing the deeds 9 out of 10 times I imagine everything with a strong layer of tenderness and passion.

I'm pretty crazy for affectionate femdom.

I don't think (or I don't want to believe) that wholesome relationships are impossible IRL.

But yes, I do feel absolutely unlovable which makes it so very hard for me to fantasize and self-insert. Often I just have to stop because I feel so bad. When I try to build these scenarios in my head I can't shake the awareness of how ridiculously impossible it all is.
It also makes me feel ashamed, dishonest and false. The unpleasant thoughts that bring me back to reality won't stop.

I'm afraid of posting about this, even here. These days when browsing the Internet I see so many opinions of people who believe an undesirable like me shouldn't even have the right to desire such love. It adds another huge level of insecurity.

(It would seem that making a post which contains the slur that's often used to label the likes of me results in autoban. I didn't know about this and there's nothing about it in the rules.)
>> No. 24671 [Edit]
File 156910920974.jpg - (605.79KB , 1968x1663 , EDoW4HzVAAAHEPu.jpg )
>It would seem that making a post which contains the slur that's often used to label the likes of me results in autoban. I didn't know about this and there's nothing about it in the rules
I believe this is due to an incident on /an/, where it was used as an insult and caused a bit of a stir, so perhaps this was nipped in the bud but not made an issue of so that there wasn't a controversy like on wiz.
>> No. 24672 [Edit]
I've always tried to do everything I can. Its like in videogames where you dont want to only stick to one skill, you want to be able to do everything. I did that in my life and tried everything I ever came across, thinking it would be really cool to be somebody who can do everything

now i realize that I can only do everything to a mediocre degree and it looks fucking pathetic to everybody and i was the only one who didnt realize it
>> No. 24673 [Edit]
Sorry about that, we've got a number of phrases blocked but usually I try to avoid adding phrases that might be commonly used or accidentally tripped, but it can't be helped sometimes. Like >>24671 said in this particular case it was to keep the peace.
>> No. 24674 [Edit]
File 156915274139.jpg - (134.68KB , 537x719 , Takane Manaka.jpg )
I'm so lost.
>> No. 24675 [Edit]
This thread was ruined by porn talk, gross.
>> No. 24686 [Edit]
File 156919962571.jpg - (1.96MB , 1425x2000 , 52522752_p0_ARIA.jpg )
Let's fix it by implicit suicide talk then.
>> No. 24693 [Edit]
File 156930135873.jpg - (295.45KB , 1524x2033 , 45808855_p1.jpg )
Journal entry. Today is my 28th birthday. Spent the day watching Initial D. In a way, the anime is about young people having fun, making the best of their youth and chasing their dreams. Had the feels and ended up laying down and thinking about life. I come from a dysfunctional family. As a child I was frustrated and depressed a lot. Ended up dropping out middle school. Had trouble with police and foster homes until I was 16 they were legally obligated to leave me alone. By that time I was so different from kids my age I didn't want to see or socialize with them. So I went full hikki. And then the years just go by.
Later today my sister dropped by with a birthday cake. Bless her heart. She told me to make a wish. The first thing that came to mind was I wanted to die in peace. The cake tasted bad but I told her it was okay. Also fapped to waifu like I do every birthday.
>> No. 24706 [Edit]
My acquaintance killed himself today, or last night rather. His body was found today and people were informed. Everybody is faking tears and pretending to be hurt, it’s sickening. I know if he was still alive he would be getting shit on like he usually does, granted a lot of that is his own fault since he’s an asshole and abrasive. People say it always comes out of nowhere but the signs were all there leading up to it. I was the closest thing he had to a friend so I knew he had issues, I didn’t think it was to the point where he’d want to kill himself though. More than anything I’m mad at him right now, because he texted me some stuff last night and I asked him if he was ok last night and he said he was better than ever. Asshole, why didn’t you just talk to me
>> No. 24710 [Edit]
File 156945256045.jpg - (90.14KB , 850x1049 , sample_20247a6efbfd0437d78ca038ede54998.jpg )
There is nothing more to life other than distracting yourself until inevitable death.
Being alive makes absolutely no sense to me.
>> No. 24711 [Edit]
Just remember that you couldn't have done more for him than you already did.
>> No. 24712 [Edit]
File 156946739563.jpg - (120.10KB , 640x480 , おジャ魔女どれみナ・イ・ショ 第02.jpg )
>> No. 24713 [Edit]
>I’m mad at him right now, because he texted me some stuff last night and I asked him if he was ok last night and he said he was better than ever.

That's fairly common, once somebody decides that they are going to kill themselves they often feel much better, like a weight has been lifted or they have solved a difficult issue and that can trick the people around them.
>> No. 24714 [Edit]
That's what everyone always tells each other to bury guilt.
>> No. 24716 [Edit]
File 156962738482.gif - (376.45KB , 500x400 , 1545276012817.gif )
I can't stand this anymore please just kill me
>> No. 24717 [Edit]
I wish I had a good answer to that.

I've also tried to be there for certain people when they show clear signs of suicide. They just didn't care. It's like my being there and caring was worthless for them. They didn't die though. They were just playing. I'm not. And I'm sick of being disregarded systematically when I do care.

In all honesty, I don't blame them for not caring though. I am worthless, it's a fact, I know it.
>> No. 24718 [Edit]
I'm glad you do cherish that gesture of your sister.
Happy late birthday, brother.
>> No. 24720 [Edit]
File 156963592537.jpg - (748.68KB , 1050x1200 , together_leaves.jpg )
"'samui ne' to hanashi kakereba 'samui ne' to kotaeru hito no iru atatakasa"
>> No. 24733 [Edit]
File 156976360323.png - (2.59MB , 1302x2000 , __fubuki_and_i_401_kantai_collection_drawn_by_blew.png )
I am so tired. I tried to leave my comfort zone and improve myself, I really did, but everything just reminds me of how incorrigibly incompetent I am. I won't survive the real world. I'll have to accept my fate.
>> No. 24736 [Edit]
>everything just reminds me of how incorrigibly incompetent I am

I know that feel and I've been trying to solve it for some time. I think the key is achieving some particular mindset were you don't care anymore. Also avoid to do anything that makes you frustrated, problem is when you're truly disfunctional that includes too many things.
All that stuff about improving and turning into something you aren't can be extremely frustrating and counterproductive for some people. When I read about other people's problems I always try to remember any help or advice isn't mean for me but for the average person, when you're a minority inside a minority you need to solve your own shit by yourself, because there's no "science" made over something so marginal. So forget about what all authority figures have told you, it's not going to work with you.
>> No. 24737 [Edit]
File 156976764120.jpg - (151.13KB , 986x1466 , __kochiya_sanae_touhou_drawn_by_heoningu__0ecfb2ec.jpg )
I have had an idea that usual self-improvement advice won't apply to outliers like me but there is a reason why even normal people seek self-improvement platitudes, it's difficult to know yourself. I know what won't work for me but I have no idea what will. Most of the time the problem isn't even that I am not improving, but that I am improving at far too slow a rate to reach a state where I can function in society. Your CV gap is growing day by day, learning something at an institution test you for exams, training period at a job will only let your faults be tolerated if you are improving at an acceptable rate and you're growing older and less desirable everyday. If your goal is to integrate properly into society, you simply has to relatively competitive. I don't even hate working or studying. I am just incompetent and can't handle pressure or criticism. I am also mentally unstable so I can't work consistently. Good luck explaining that to your boss though.

>I think the key is achieving some particular mindset were you don't care anymore
I think I'll try this, partly because I have reached this cycle's burn out period anyway.
>> No. 24740 [Edit]
I think I was into your same situation.
I didn't have a job for years (actually, I never had a proper job to start with), my CV was shit, I was getting old (30's) and even lowering my demands to zero wasn't enough. I even worked for free, but it was useless. I also live in a country were 15% of unemployment rate is considered quite good, so the whole thing was pretty bad.
I reached a point were I took all my savings and went to live alone with the idea to end myself in peace in a matter of months.

Today I can say I've been working for two years, I have some savings so I could even live some years without having to work and I'm enjoying life at some degree. I would like to tell you it was all thanks to some enlightment or to my best efforts and perseverance but that would be bullshit. I got lucky and some chance happened, that's all. I'm the same guy than years ago, I haven't changed the slightest. I haven't improved and I'm still incompetent, slow and socially retarded.
The point is, I could be dead by now after I killed myself with carbon dioxide and the only thing that changed that was simple luck.
So there's no point to worry. Whatever happens don't torture yourself, don't let guilt destroy you because I did that and it sucked.
>> No. 24750 [Edit]
File 156987638881.jpg - (682.77KB , 2048x2048 , 1568923449118.jpg )
How can I cope with being a horrible person? I want to end it all to escape my own faults.
>> No. 24751 [Edit]
First try to define in as concrete terms as possible what makes you a bad person. Try to discern which of these can be seen as genuine traits of you as a person (e.g. 'I like to kick little animals for fun', 'I empty my piss bottles into my neighbour's orchids to antagonize him') and which can be more or less attributed to general human nature that everyone has to some degree (e.g. 'I am selfish', 'I am a pushover because I am afraid of conflict'). Then accept that this is how you are and either choose to live with it or commit to changing your ways by trying to become aware of when you are going to do a bad thing and decide to not do that thing this time (it probably happens on impulse or out of routine which makes you feel powerless over your own actions, thus leading you to the judgment that you are a bad person, and not that you are a person who does bad stuff). In that case prioritize the former traits over the latter. For those you might want to figure out situations you are regularly put in where acting according to that trait makes you unhappy and commit to the decision to not adhere to it the next time. That will take courage but you can do it, maybe.
>> No. 24752 [Edit]
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Everytime I try to forgive myself, it just feels like I'm trying to get out of it. Like I'm a bad person trying to justify my wrongdoings. I did bad things to people, I didn't feel bad when I did them, and now I just feel like pretending I was good, or it's okay because I'm trying to be good now, is a cope for the fact that I'm just a bad person.
>> No. 24753 [Edit]
I didn't say anything about forgiving yourself. Forgiveness is for the wronged party to worry about. What I mentioned was acceptance, and that is just that. To accept that these are things I have done in the past and that I cannot do anything about now that they have been done and that those are traits I have in the presebt. It means affirming them as fact, as part of reality. In fact 'forgiving oneself’ is truly complacency with ones faults. Thinking that 'I am a bad person therefore I cannot help but do bad things' however is the exact same thing without even making the hollow promise of trying to do better. And that's what I would call a cope, because you choose to disregard that you have the choice to decide how you act in the future and what attitudes you take and instead choose to excuse yourself from trying and wallow in comfortable self-pity over the static and therefore safe past. But the past does not matter one bit and trauma is an excuse not to muster up the courage to behave the way you want to behave.
>> No. 24754 [Edit]
In fact I would say this excessive focus on your wrongdoings in the past is delusional at worst and emotional blackmail at best; If I only feel bad enough about these things I will be forgiven and it will be as if they did not happen. You have not accepted them yet as things you did in the past, and as things in the past they have no claim on your future.
>> No. 24755 [Edit]
File 156988507635.jpg - (393.41KB , 800x1200 , 1568971550108.jpg )
I do try to be a good person now, and I would never do those things now, partially out of fear of punishment. But they happened and I'm not the kind of person who accepts bad things. I hold grudges for decades, and as for myself I cannot let go of hate, even after decades pass. It is unchangeable, and inevitable, yet it still scares me. And I have never been able to accept them, not even forgiveness but simple overcoming was impossible. I still hate the me of those days, and the me of those days constantly lingers in my thoughts, telling me that I will go to hell.
>> No. 24756 [Edit]
Assumptions galore. We don't even know what he did.
>> No. 24759 [Edit]
Generalisations, not assumptions. The assumption was that as someone complaining about 'being a horrible person' in a 'post a cute anime girl if u feel sad' thread on this kind of website he likely did not do anything substantially bad, that is something that for example would invoke legal action against him. Thus he is likely one of the many morose people dwelling on relative trivialities due to an unhealthy mindset and a lack of more recent experiences to engage them.
But maybe he did kill someone's mother and raped their dog. Even then regarding effective courses of action his options amount to accepting it and moving on or killing himself in atonement.
>> No. 24761 [Edit]
It's not something as silly as just being a NEET or lazy. I don't care about that. Without going into detail, I hurt someone else when I was younger and I can't get over it.
>> No. 24762 [Edit]
Were you a bully?
>> No. 24766 [Edit]
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>> No. 24774 [Edit]
File 157073304992.gif - (0.98MB , 500x281 , 1567465939985.gif )
I don't want to die, but I don't know if I can truly live in this world either.
>> No. 24782 [Edit]
That's okay, live in your own world instead.
>> No. 24794 [Edit]
File 157196071339.gif - (0.98MB , 500x375 , lumgif.gif )
Lately I don't even feel that bad "mentally", but intellectually I think it's nearly time to go.
I will have to get a job again in the near future. I don't think I actually enjoy the rest of life enough to outweigh that. Can't take it easy when you're exhausted and know you have to get up the next day. It's like this looming thing over your head at all times.
But I'm under no illusion that I can actually do it. Would have died years ago if I was brave enough.
>> No. 24797 [Edit]
File 157204109029.jpg - (394.95KB , 2048x2048 , fec5a8d61715b8aeb474fceac318e1a9.jpg )
I really underestimated how bad being a wageslave really is.
I always thought about all the things I could buyfag but now the most productive thing I can think about is how long I have to save up to get a usable amount of time of NEET out of it.
>> No. 24808 [Edit]
I warned you.
>> No. 24809 [Edit]
It's worse when you have to save money and you feel guilty everytime you spend something. You end being unhappy when you work and unhappy when you try to have fun.
>> No. 24810 [Edit]
File 157241804818.png - (3.22MB , 2047x1447 , __original_drawn_by_qooo003__efcde5e841f56653e0ee6.png )
My mother has been trying to suggest me to learn japanese and animation haha just because I like anime haha. She thinks that there is a silver lining to being a escapist loser and I'll become successful if I just pursue what she thinks my dream is or whatever haha. She wants me to be a cheap disposable labor in japan so I can get paid peanuts and still make a lot of money because my country is poor haha. My situation isn't even that bad. I am just incompetent but not completely non-functional, but the dumb bitch can't take it if I am not some successful scion of the family that she can brags to what few friends she has. I am struggling to learn actual employable skills like being a codemonkey, I don't have the discipline to spare to learn moonrunes nor would I want a social job like translating or do something as stressful as being cheap labor in a foreign country.
>> No. 24811 [Edit]
Ah, that makes me remember when my father told me to learn how to "make videogames" just because I spent my time playing, while I can't even install Windows without breaking something.
Some people can't understand some of us are literally good for nothing.
>> No. 24812 [Edit]
I think everyone is good for something. The way in which modern society is constructed however only rewards those with a select few specific skill sets.
>> No. 24813 [Edit]
True. As long as the body is normally functioning, anybody can do manual labor until they break down.
>> No. 24814 [Edit]
Boomer mentality: oh, my kid likes stuff, why can't they leverage that financially and be one of those billionaire nerds I see on the TV?
>> No. 24815 [Edit]
I wonder why while being so dumb sometimes they managed to be so succesful (some of them). I had a workmate in his late 50's, he earned four times me, no degrees of any kind, an absolute winner retired at 59. His advice was just "be the best at what you do and you will be rich". Most of the time he didn't do shit.
>> No. 24818 [Edit]
I think the 50s was probably the best decade to be born in for an ordinary person. Just in terms of wages compared to the costs of life -- mainly rent/housing, but in America you could also add tuition and medical care to that list.
>> No. 24824 [Edit]
The 50s were right after world war 2 so it's most likely the fact that that US economy was unnaturally good (because everyone else's was decimated). Same effect happened after world war 1 during the roaring 20s. There was also the Cold War tensions which probably might have had something to do with it.
>> No. 24849 [Edit]
i cant take much more of it, every season more and more cute girls are engineered to tug at my heartstrings and its going to be the death of it its driving me insane
>> No. 24879 [Edit]
File 157344685646.png - (630.89KB , 906x510 , Spoiler Picture.png )
I think it's nice your parents care enough to think about your future.
>> No. 24883 [Edit]
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>> No. 24889 [Edit]
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>> No. 24905 [Edit]
File 157390377960.jpg - (131.19KB , 1000x1528 , 130809931410.jpg )
I don't know how I keep going after all this time, but I just do.
>> No. 24906 [Edit]
File 157405573521.jpg - (649.04KB , 2618x1812 , 05b3252482eeaa126254ded7f6b1a7c9.jpg )
I want to be good at math.
But I have neither the creativity nor appropriate intellect.
So what's the point?
>> No. 24907 [Edit]
File 157421808711.jpg - (199.73KB , 707x1000 , semi_lewd_etna.jpg )
Today I have a headache and I think I might be getting a cold. Why the fuck am I trapped in this flesh prison? Who would consciously make a person to exist?

I feel that. If I had a dexedrine prescription back in the day maybe I could have finished a PhD in experimental physics with very, very hard work. Might have got a job as a technician or something. Theoretical? Nope. Pure maths? Not a fucking chance.
>> No. 24908 [Edit]
File 157431523973.jpg - (767.25KB , 1040x1440 , 50149567_p0.jpg )
Yesterday was my birthday. I didn't even notice until I saw that my dad had sent me an e-mail (which, as always, I didn't reply to).

If you want to feel smart doing something mathy without needing much background knowledge, check out which is about building an entire computer just from binary logic gates. Or maybe you'll get stuck and feel stupid instead, but either way I had a lot of fun with it and learned a lot about how computers work.
>> No. 24909 [Edit]
Happy late birthday.
>> No. 24911 [Edit]
>I feel that. If I had a dexedrine prescription back in the day maybe I could have finished a PhD in experimental physics with very, very hard work. Might have got a job as a technician or something. Theoretical? Nope. Pure maths? Not a fucking chance.
What do you do now? NEET?

>If you want to feel smart doing something mathy without needing much background knowledge, check out which is about building an entire computer just from binary logic gates. Or maybe you'll get stuck and feel stupid instead, but either way I had a lot of fun with it and learned a lot about how computers work.
Thanks for the recommendation, that looks fun. What I really need is some way to improve my ability to think in the abstract.
Happy (belated) Birthday, for what that's worth.
>> No. 24912 [Edit]
Screwed up: second paragraph is for >>24908
Can't get the edit function to work. Damn extensions.
>> No. 24913 [Edit]
>which, as always, I didn't reply to
why not?
>> No. 24914 [Edit]
>What do you do now? NEET?
For the moment. It probably won't last much longer.
>> No. 24917 [Edit]
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>> No. 24927 [Edit]
File 157474175354.png - (300.67KB , 630x900 , 1571715481121.png )
i dont know what to really say anymore. ive already complained about my life here and elsewhere but its not enough. something is missing but i dont know how to fill the gap, i dont know where else to go or what else to do
>> No. 24928 [Edit]
File 157480655820.jpg - (76.29KB , 845x466 , homura_double_fisting.jpg )
Fucking jinxed it with this. Got a letter from the dole office this morning and they've cut me off. Might walk in there and set myself on fire. Or go full lumpen and start selling drugs or mugging people.
>> No. 24929 [Edit]
>start selling drugs or mugging people.
Don't make society worse than it already is.
>> No. 24930 [Edit]
It's a joke. Lighten up, I'll probably just get a job and kill myself 15 years from now.
>> No. 24956 [Edit]
File 157533577828.jpg - (1.30MB , 1516x2200 , 1544549749034.jpg )
Thank him!
>> No. 24969 [Edit]
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>> No. 24970 [Edit]
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As I've gotten older suicidal thoughts have gotten less frequent and I don't get as visibly upset by them... however they're much more serious... I know I won't do it quite yet but it certainly feels as if it's approaching. For some critical mass of lifetime disappointment to catch up to me. I wonder what form it's going to take.

Tick tock, tick tock. Another year on the clock. How much longer until I drop?
>> No. 24975 [Edit]
File 15760463539.gif - (380.97KB , 592x654 , 1571871345562.gif )
All I can think about for the last month is how inevitable death is, and also how all things end in time and that the end of all things comes to pass. I cannot eat a meal without thinking that it will soon be over, and how all time will relatively soon be over, and how we are trapped in the passage of time and unable to freeze moments. Death itself will one day come and end all our good times and all our bad times, and that time will eventually be today. A year from now, five years, ten, fifty, I will look back at this and realize that this moment in which I wrote this become that moment so many times later. And in all of this, I dread the ever closer death of my self, and I wish to get it over with. To me, death seems like the only goal in life, and all other things I am unable to enjoy despite how much I used to love doing them. I may kill myself some time in the next year just to get it over with. I've thought like this for years but it's become too much for me to bear now.
>> No. 24976 [Edit]
I have such thoughts too only I don't want to die, I want to live forever. Science might help to some degree but it may only prolong it and it could be expensive and only for the elite, having everybody be able to live forever would be a bad idea anyway. So my plan is to make a scientific study of magic to see if it can have any affect on anything and then from there I will try to see if it can effect longevity. I am approaching it with doubt but we will see.
>> No. 24977 [Edit]
>So my plan is to make a scientific study of magic
I really hope you're joking. This is just embarrassing.
>> No. 24978 [Edit]
What I mean by that is that I will find types of magic magic that can be measured and compared to a control to see if it has any effect at all and if it does then I will move on to further study. So if there was a spell to make plants grow I could grow some plants with the spell and some without to see if that has an effect, I don't think it will but it's worth a try.
>> No. 24979 [Edit]
Yeah, it's not like people were trying that shit for hundreds of years without getting their intended results or any at all. Go ahead though. Tell us if you find anything.
>> No. 24980 [Edit]
That's called parapsychology. If you're interested in scientific method, that's a good way to learn more about it, even if you don't personally believe in such things.
>> No. 24981 [Edit]
You're among wizards, anon.
>> No. 24996 [Edit]
File 157671755990.png - (305.73KB , 549x929 , 1576664358520.png )
What if I told you that the CIA had successful tests of ESP and even published such mundane knowledge as the fact that caffeine improves its strength? You can read about it all in the work of duke university and in the published MKULTRA files on Just saying, people have tested it scientifically and found it to be a real thing that really exists. You'll need The Handbook of Tests in Parapsychology by Betty M Humphrey to understand the methods used, and probably some LSD as well. don't take my word for it, though, find a batch download of the MKULTRA files and sift through them for yourselves to see what I saw.

Also posting a cute girl because I thought about suicide again.
>> No. 24997 [Edit]
>What if I told you that the CIA had successful tests of ESP

I would ask you to link the relevant article because last time somebody on this site told me such a thing further investigation revealed that they were wrong.

>> No. 25002 [Edit]
File 157682297971.jpg - (115.85KB , 850x601 , __shimada_arisu_girls_und_panzer_and_1_more_drawn_.jpg )
no matter how hard i work at something and how well i think i do, there is always somebody better than me and i pale in comparison. its disheartening desu
>> No. 25003 [Edit]
File 157687734730.jpg - (1.74MB , 2544x3344 , 0000149566_0009.jpg )
I don't expect you to take this as any definitive proof, it's a very partial excerpt from the files. I would, however, strongly encourage you to find a batch download of the MKULTRA declassified files. As for project stargate and their astral projection, that was a very badly conducted biased research with little scientific value. MKULTRA on the other hand was a >20 year program into the various effects of LSD on the human mind and it's possible use in hypnosis, brainwashing, and interrogation, which led down some strange routes such as discovering fish with ESP (the elephant nose fish), and the possible existence of ESP in humans. The only thing I really expect you to believe in all this though is that the CIA did take their results much more seriously, and that there is a much greater pool of research connected to this. If you're still reading this, I suggest you start by reading the works of duke university whom the CIA worked with during the project. I compiled their handbook into a .pdf document, I suggest you read through it and compare the test methods mentioned inside with the articles on wikipedia. Most importantly of all, compare the failsafes implemented in the test procedures with reports quoted on wikipedia. I found the discrepancies between what was actually carried out and what skeptics claimed to have happened to be intriguing.

I'm very much aware of how insane I come off as. Please don't take my word for it, read for yourself.
>> No. 25004 [Edit]
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Death is inevitable. I just want to get it over with. If I didn't have family members who loved me who were also depressed, I would kill myself in a month. I really really want to die.
>> No. 25005 [Edit]
You will get over it if ur not a faggot. Take it easy, buddy.
>> No. 25006 [Edit]
I think ESP (or something we think is ESP) is real, just really limited and hard to control, still, I don't see what that has to do with inmortality.
>> No. 25007 [Edit]
File 157688108813.png - (205.89KB , 572x800 , __original_drawn_by_sakamo2424__008041274bf44864bf.png )
Just wanted to let you guys know, I need you to stick around and entertain me. Somebody's gotta reply to my posts. I don't interact much with people outside of tohno-chan.
>> No. 25008 [Edit]
Yeah I dont really know dude sometimes I just go off on a tangent.
>> No. 25010 [Edit]
an old, heavily censored, document scanned with the shittiest document scanner? wow, that checks all the boxes! i'm convinced!
>> No. 25011 [Edit]
File 157689747127.png - (407.56KB , 843x842 , are_you_well.png )
I really hope this site won't go down. This is the only place that you can have actual conversations with on the internet anymore. But, we all know that one day, tohnochan will die and we won't ever find another home. I'm honestly surprised that we've even lasted this long. God bless Tohno and the hikki lifestyle.
>> No. 25012 [Edit]
Lots of boards have been going down lately. I hope this won't be one of them.
>> No. 25013 [Edit]
File 157690115470.jpg - (145.72KB , 850x634 , sample_57b5fce6910c0d8e8af656a4a9189c69.jpg )
Some, like arisuchan and uboachan, would be better off dead. I used to post on ubuu regularly and sometimes check up on it. The place is a cesspool of normalfaggotry. I think it was always kind of bad, going all the way up to the mods, but some of the old posters were all right. Does uboachan have any kind of history with tohno-chan? They were both made around the same time.
>> No. 25014 [Edit]
>This is the only place that you can have actual conversations with on the internet anymore.
Believe me, I feel the same way. I've tried exploring other sites and anime centered communities and I swear to god it's a toxic waste land out there. In the vast majority of those places the people are obnoxious, immature, insufferable, morons. It's hard to get more than a sentience out of most people out there and when they come into a room where people are actually talking they act like something is wrong, maybe even ignore the conversation and spam the room/thread or whatever for attention.
All these people know how to do is spam meme in desperate lazy attempts at attention grabbing.

Besides, They rarely have any legitimate interest in any part of otaku culture and will treat you like an elitist asshole for expecting as much. when exploring these communities it feels like no one reads VNs, they don't collect figs (or ever know that term), they don't watch more than the "AoTS" grade anime, and the only videogames they play are the online social fad games.

I don't know why you think TC might die someday when it's been up for ten+ years now. maybe "someday" like you said, but I don't think that will be any time soon. I'm not giving up this life for "finals" or 3DPD shit like far too many others do. Even if that php issue I've brought up on /navi/ actually does become an issue (they put off the forced update) I'll still try to find a way of bringing TC back up in one form or another.
There's no way in hell I'd shut this place down when it's the only thing keeping me sane.

Post edited on 20th Dec 2019, 8:13pm
>> No. 25015 [Edit]
>Does uboachan have any kind of history with tohno-chan?
Not that I know of. People used to comment on us and /bun/ for being made within weeks of each other, but I've never seen anyone bring up TC and uboachan in the same post, till now.
>> No. 25016 [Edit]
I mean you could just read them for yourself. They're all on in the file library.
>> No. 25017 [Edit]
Everyone and everything will die, one day. Just remember that, don't forget that things don't last forever. One day, every single anon who ever posted on tohnochan will be dead, and every single person who knew them will be dead. Every single person who knew about tohnochan itself will be dead, and it will be no more.
>> No. 25018 [Edit]
What if you made a copy of tohno-chan with a bunch of super advanced bots talking to each other?

Post edited on 21st Dec 2019, 4:32am
>> No. 25019 [Edit]
someone should make an imageboard where only ai chatbots are allowed to post and reply to each other.
>> No. 25020 [Edit]
Do any of the jp speaking individuals here have experience with Japanese textboards? Do they suffer from the same issue noted above. They seem as a whole more isolated from their western counterparts so I hope they would avoid the same fate; in addition they also seem to be more diverse with a healthier ecosystem.

You could do that now, with the latest generation of transformer/BERT based networks. (Although this would be slightly biased because I believe the training corpus for GPT was from reddit comments). It'd be amusing if the output ended up looking like 4chan.
>> No. 25021 [Edit]
I haven't gone to 2channel because they erected a gaijin wall (all I can really say about that is that I heard the dialogue is trash-tier), but I have gone to futaba channel. I can say with some confidence that FC is fairly braindead, especially the anime boards. The "discussion" on FC's anime board can occasionally feel much closer to nico nico comments than they do to any actual discussion. Even if you can't read Japanese, it's usually possible to see this just from the post lengths.
The only other board I browse is the games board, which is usually better with discussion but overall slower. That's just my experience though, I'm sure if there's someone else who browses jap-boards they could tell you more about pretty much everything, including if some sort of Japanese Tohno equivalent actually exists.
>> No. 25022 [Edit]
I'm not sure about Text boards, I have only been to Futaba and a military anime image board called Karlchan(Karlchan might have been alright but it was before I knew much Japanese and I can't find it again). Futaba just has numerous small comments on a topic, somebody will make an OP(some of these are actually quite nice on the non-porn Touhou board or at least I like them) and then people just replay with 'wow cute' 'nice red hair' or random comments like that. This even happens to some degree in more serious boards like with politics and the like, somebody will post an article and then another person will post a short comment and another article. It's not great but this is just Futaba, others might be better.
>> No. 25023 [Edit]
For 2channel there's which has translations of cherrypicked threads. (Also to bypass geo-IP block there is which is a mirror(?) set up by Hiroyushi in vengeance that scrapes 5ch threads and is accessibly by gaijiners).

Also from what I've heard 5ch is essentially the defacto equivalent to Reddit in the JP net sphere (which might or might not be true, but the claim is nonetheless bolstered by the traffic rankings).

In referring to textboards I meant places such as (apparently focused on university discussion?) (allows you to create your own board á la 8ch?) (discussion broken up by region?)

Even outside of explicit textboards there seems to be a tendency to permit (and default to) anonymous posting, e.g. their slashdot equivalent
>> No. 25024 [Edit]
File 157700593487.png - (137.39KB , 635x1200 , Hrrrrrgh im having a heart attack help me.png )
I don't understand. Why do people put so much effort into life when we will all stop existing one day? So many books, movies, jobs, tasks to be done, things to be completed, for what? Why do they do the things they do when they know that they will, in time, stop existing? I'm both jealous, and disturbed, that people act with seemingly so little care of the fact that their life will terminate. Why doesn't everyone just kill themselves?
>> No. 25025 [Edit]
>So many books, movies,
>Why doesn't everyone just kill themselves?

It's you that makes no sense, if there is so much to do why kill yourself? Enjoy your life instead.
>> No. 25026 [Edit]
Some blindly follow the pack.
Others are deluded in the rat race.
There are those who have realistic dreams and know they can achieve them.
And those who simply live for the things they enjoy (which you sort of alluded to in your text).

Furthermore, suicide is too bothersome for most. It is associated with suffering, pain and anguish, not to mention the burden that it causes on society (passersby, state institutions and taxpayers; friends, family, work and your company's stakeholders if applicable; possibly others such as railway suicides which delay the whole diagram). It's being too selfish.
Along with this, as for the actual act, it takes a lot of determination and disregard for life and the self to voluntarily become a felo-de-se, which most people just don't possess.
>> No. 25027 [Edit]
>people act with seemingly so little care of the fact that their life will terminate.

We have made our whole civilization around the fear of death. Almost every religion exists because of that. Since the Epic of Gilgamesh, it's the most repeated and probably relevant thing in the history of human culture.
People isn't unaware, they just preffer not to think about it because our culture doesn't offer answers anymore, but it's probably a mere act.
Personally I don't approve suicide motivated by fear of death, if something it should be because love of life and not accepting cheap substitutes.
>> No. 25029 [Edit]
Many people don't think about it. Or they're religious. Most will also say, "I like my life, so why would I want to die"? Instinctually, we're hardwired to want to continue because that's just what works. Everything alive that didn't strive for life at all already died billions of years ago. We're the descendants of those who did act to continue their life. For me personally, I want to go as far as I possibly can with whatever time I have. Maybe i'll even leave something great behind.
>> No. 25033 [Edit]
>We have made our whole civilization around the fear of death
One might cynically say that this fear of death is what compels people to participate in the rat-race (perhaps to the benefit of those at the top, for some definition of "top"?). However I don't believe Eastern religions have the same fatalist attitude towards death that the Western religions have.
>> No. 25034 [Edit]
File 157705271486.jpg - (103.23KB , 1280x720 , 1453768580821.jpg )
>> No. 25037 [Edit]
File 157706726453.jpg - (240.02KB , 595x841 , 57cff4ab2f32431dac44e46292a77f61095cfbcd.jpg )
>> No. 25041 [Edit]
File 157708218038.jpg - (635.79KB , 2126x3000 , 1445753469998.jpg )
Does anyone else get depressed before Christmas? Like, the childhood magic that made it special is gone and nothing can be done to restore it so instead you feel empty and hate every second of it? Does anyone know that feeling?
>> No. 25042 [Edit]
I always feel empty around new year. Part of it is the disparity between the glee with which New Year's is usually celebrated and the hopeless reality that it's not really going to be that different of a year (and it's more likely that everything will erode even further).

Post edited on 22nd Dec 2019, 10:31pm
>> No. 25043 [Edit]
>However I don't believe Eastern religions have the same fatalist attitude towards death that the Western religions have.

Not at all, but they are still built around the problem of mortality. Daoists tried to achieve inmortality for centuries, buddhism is basically the result of trying to search for an answer to the anguish caused by the certain death and decay of all living things, from hinayana to vajrayana there's (shocking) practices related to death.
>> No. 25045 [Edit]
Having to spend one day or two with the family is annoying but at the end, in this time there's less work, some holidays and nice weather, that's the only thing I care about at the end.
>> No. 25075 [Edit]
I just hate every waking moment regardless. I crave the dying of the light.
>> No. 25093 [Edit]
File 15776099739.jpg - (163.92KB , 543x858 , 1576649350334.jpg )
I would kill myself tonight if it weren't for the fact that it would hurt my family. I just don't have it in me to do it. I wish they didn't care about me.
>> No. 25096 [Edit]
File 157774085833.jpg - (71.07KB , 640x853 , 1920931e4c6a22af3dc28cc618b5da93.jpg )
I want to kill myself, but my brothers are even bigger wastes of space than I. Imagine: a NEET loser who can't even hold down a fast food job is considered the "good child."
>> No. 25097 [Edit]
File 157774333150.jpg - (57.36KB , 1280x720 , 1450335813078.jpg )
I miss my grandmother. I miss when life was easier. I miss when I felt something before New Year's that wasn't existential dread.
>> No. 25098 [Edit]
File 157783087798.png - (90.00KB , 540x540 , tumblr_inline_pq85efXClC1wvw9yu_540.png )
I'm sorry about your grandmother. My grandmother is a douchebag but I'd be pretty bummed without her also.

And yeah, living is a pain.
>> No. 25099 [Edit]
File 157801800140.png - (1.66MB , 1920x1080 , 2FDD0EFB-2D6F-425C-8564-4129499967A2.png )
it never ends
>> No. 25104 [Edit]
File 157810045223.png - (1.39MB , 1920x1080 , loooool.png )
I called it. Good riddance.
>> No. 25107 [Edit]
>All these people know how to do is spam meme in desperate lazy attempts at attention grabbing.
And when you complain you're "reddit" or whatever else that rubs them the wrong way this week.
>> No. 25113 [Edit]
File 157816587395.jpg - (58.58KB , 701x667 , 05fa94cafdf769b07a6c130d3c431e2a.jpg )
Existence is slavery, I want to be free.
Took me far too long time to realize that my motives for doing anything didn't make any sense even to myself.
Seems to me that there is just no reality that can be imagined where i would want to be.
>> No. 25132 [Edit]
File 157818982360.jpg - (39.58KB , 540x300 , 1243535454689087.jpg )
I can't even describe how I feel. Everything is tiresome and whenever something good happens to me I feel guilty, as if I didn't deserve to be happy.
>> No. 25214 [Edit]
File 157940638699.png - (1.99MB , 1920x1080 , Screen Shot 2020-01-09 at 12_11_42 PM (2).png )
I have no clue what's wrong. Every other time over the last decade I've felt something I'd describe as depression, I could point to reasons and convince myself if they were resolved, I'd feel significantly better. I'd even usually tell myself they could or would be improved or fixed entirely.
Since the beginning of this fall, it's like I've been stuck with a needle and have been slowly leaking some kind of vital human spirit. Nothing excites or motivates me like it used to, and I've been sort of "down" for as long as I can remember in my life. I've got endless free time, a reasonable amount of money to burn on an interest or outing if I felt up to it, a path to schooling for a job that might make me want to an hero less and allow me to stop living with my family. All of this and I just feel overwhelming nothing. I spend hours driving in circles in too much of a haze to even pay attention to the music playing. I stare at screens with mindless bullshit for entire evenings just upset with myself for doing so. Life is incomprehensibly boring and miserable.
It doesn't feel like it used to, it feels like there's really no out unless I somehow get the nerve to kill myself and the means to do so.

I'm sorry for polluting this wonderful relic of an imageboard. Writing it in a journal doesn't help at all and I haven't tried this before.
>> No. 25220 [Edit]
I hope it hurts less, at least.

Apathy isn't so bad, in my view. I'm thankful for it in lieu of some kind of inner strife that overcomes me. But I suppose it's much less to be thankful for if you're trying to study and make an effort? If you threw it all away, would that plug the leak?
>> No. 25233 [Edit]
File 158050681996.jpg - (1.45MB , 1920x1920 , 1577311792400.jpg )
thank you tohnofriend
>> No. 25234 [Edit]
File 158056363470.jpg - (72.51KB , 1024x1024 , AI generated animu girl.jpg )
In this last year I've finally mostly settled on a realistic method, and given up hope without falling so deep into despair I feel suicide is pointless. Won't be too much longer before this monstrous joke is over.
>> No. 25235 [Edit]
File 158056730619.jpg - (680.25KB , 4000x4000 , 1548034907430.jpg )
Tsukumizu is quite popular between depressed people.
>> No. 25237 [Edit]
I'm not depressed and I like him as well.
>> No. 25252 [Edit]
File 158064265781.jpg - (1.04MB , 3518x2476 , tsukumizu yuu f87ca813219b32abafa74a9942f8018c.jpg )
Is it any wonder why?
>> No. 25254 [Edit]
File 158066864832.jpg - (137.43KB , 624x1176 , EL3rdcrXkAAkEB4.jpg )
I always think about committing suicide daily but I'm so used to it at this point I don't even question it anymore.
The desire to end my life is as natural as the need to cough, eat or sleep.
It's pathetic, but that's the way it is sometimes.
>> No. 25258 [Edit]
File 158094882478.jpg - (506.08KB , 940x610 , halloweensp2.jpg )
Things go to shit when you most need them not to.
>> No. 25283 [Edit]
File 158212989426.jpg - (106.89KB , 857x1200 , 69bfc3f52f9a1d9230aee0c9d1ab4b48578810d1.jpg )
>> No. 25294 [Edit]
File 158232444625.jpg - (22.09KB , 360x360 , abc.jpg )
UwU I feel I coulda been happy if I wasn't so lazy as a kid
>> No. 25295 [Edit]
File 158233643374.jpg - (158.62KB , 900x957 , 9tJsHwF.jpg )
Akarinn~ always manages to make me feel happy. She is such a sweet daughteru
>> No. 25304 [Edit]
File 15825260042.jpg - (287.78KB , 1774x3054 , __white_lion_kemono_friends_and_1_more_drawn_by_ko.jpg )
I want to, so badly.
>> No. 25305 [Edit]
File 158261170831.jpg - (0.98MB , 1000x1000 , 1582119874346.jpg )
Story of my life. Actually maybe as little as 4 or even 2 years ago, but no matter what I do I can't make any meaningful change.
By now I can't even make myself play games or watch anime or anything without planning it. I must force myself to do things I enjoy.
>> No. 25310 [Edit]
File 158263781344.jpg - (205.54KB , 1200x786 , 1.jpg )
"This year I will do it", I've been thinking to myself every month for the past 17 years.
Man do I suck at completing projects I undertake.
>> No. 25312 [Edit]
I found a way to counter that. Your projects need to be a nuisance, something that bothers you, doesn't let you sleep and fill you with guilt.
At some point your mind just gets into work just to get rid of the annoyance. More than for the wish of any achievement or improvement, it's somehow more powerful as motivation than anything else.
That's how I studied for exams years ago and that's how I plan to learn japanese.
>> No. 25315 [Edit]
I can also attest to this method, but the guilt sometimes becomes so great that I start to feel guilty about even starting or making progress, as if starting after so long of failing is somehow an even bigger disgrace than never doing it at all.
>> No. 25316 [Edit]
One person's method has no guarantee of working for others. Also, there'll never be point where you "made it" and don't have to work anymore if you want to be good at something. If you want to be good, you have to be willing to work the rest of your life. If you can't stick to a routine for even a month, there's no chance.
>> No. 25317 [Edit]
>If you want to be good, you have to be willing to work the rest of your life.

We're not talking about being the best at anything, we're losers and nerds so I was just thinking about little things. Maybe anon can tell us about his projects though.

That's because you haven't failed enough, at some point you have to accept your life is just a big failure and then you stop caring and start doing something. Or maybe not and you stay like that, I don't know.
>> No. 25318 [Edit]
>Your projects need to be a nuisance, something that bothers you, doesn't let you sleep and fill you with guilt.
Thank you for putting into words what I'm experiencing.
>> No. 25319 [Edit]
Find a hobby that isn't a perpetual contest. Acquiring knowledge that will be obsoleted or training skills that deteriorate is a waste of time.
>> No. 25320 [Edit]
>training skills that deteriorate
Are there any skills which don't deteriorate with lack of use? Even if you pick up something really specific, like making bird houses, and you get so comfortable with it that there's no challenge what so ever and you don't have to worry about practice, and there isn't much room for improvement, wont that just get boring eventually?
>> No. 25335 [Edit]
File 158300727071.png - (2.26MB , 1414x1000 , 76117294_p0.png )
I am just so weak and vulnerable right now. I always maintain a strong attitude of either a tough guy who can handle the world or a nihilist who don't care what happens in his life. But right now I can't maintain either persona. I am just so sad.
>> No. 25336 [Edit]
hang in there
>> No. 25450 [Edit]
File 158537528844.jpg - (60.30KB , 639x850 , 1563352857323.jpg )
slowly, slowly, slowly distancing and isolating myself. i hardly even post anywhere but here anymore, either i dont want to or cant find the effort. nothing seems to satisfy anymore, i can feel my enthusiasm for things previously liked dying. ive been trying to become more stoic for a while now so i can cut myself off from everything i dont like, but it seems in the process that ive cut myself off from everything i like as well. the few things that keep me together are probably lurking here, an internet friend i made who i email every so often, and thinking of my waifu
>> No. 25467 [Edit]
File 15865010617.jpg - (98.37KB , 640x800 , 1580286724475.jpg )
>Women attempt suicide more often than men, but men are successful about three to four times more often than women.
>> No. 25468 [Edit]
File 158650249837.jpg - (29.62KB , 283x438 , 1434987796372.jpg )
What's so hilarious about it?
>> No. 25469 [Edit]
The simple conclusion to that anons quote is that women do it for attention, men do it as an escape.
>> No. 25470 [Edit]
I thought the reason was that men use harsher, more effective methods whereas women try "softer" things like overdosing on pills, which are unlikely to work.
>> No. 25471 [Edit]
Yes, I know that, I just didn't know why he found it hilarious.
>> No. 25486 [Edit]
File 158727651986.jpg - (182.63KB , 590x700 , 1423014480628.jpg )
>> No. 25493 [Edit]
File 158788092791.jpg - (241.11KB , 1117x2048 , EWSHb38U8AYruAs.jpg )
>> No. 25501 [Edit]
File 15882658783.png - (213.89KB , 448x560 , 1447628227051.png )
Damn it
>> No. 25502 [Edit]
File 15882973781.jpg - (447.44KB , 1095x878 , C8C69AA9-38CF-4FFD-94A0-5F7247657C14.jpg )
it’s happening again
>> No. 25517 [Edit]
File 158855830533.png - (57.66KB , 300x300 , 40435126_p2.png )
>> No. 25518 [Edit]
File 158856821145.png - (473.98KB , 645x1200 , e256c63e509d039edd512d049525804c.png )
Didn't take long
>> No. 25561 [Edit]
File 158934660187.png - (1.20MB , 800x1119 , 2d62bcd77cd1743041eaf790a1acfe0f.png )
I want to sleep, embracing her, forever.
>> No. 25581 [Edit]
File 158962282039.png - (392.25KB , 925x1424 , 81387613_p5.png )
Relatively regularly, not as often as a month or so ago, but certainly at least once every few days.
>> No. 25596 [Edit]
File 158965597366.jpg - (278.44KB , 1062x1500 , yande_re 484372 sample blood bokusatsu_tenshi_doku.jpg )
I haven't been on this board for so long, I just came to post this cute anime girl.
I should probably post where-is-Waldo-style picture with anime girls for all the times I have been thinking about parting with world since I last posted.
>> No. 25610 [Edit]
File 158992940877.png - (1.53MB , 1500x1140 , __yukikaze_kantai_collection_drawn_by_any_lucky_de.png )
This is happening too often now. At least taking the time to look for a cute girl to post helps me take my mind off it.
>> No. 25615 [Edit]
File 159007341550.jpg - (1.74MB , 2404x3000 , __yoshida_yuuko_and_chiyoda_momo_machikado_mazoku_.jpg )
I'm so tired
>> No. 25649 [Edit]
File 159143865126.jpg - (336.00KB , 600x847 , fb4769ebba8384223e44f5970d3b2f3e.jpg )
I so badly want the years taken away from me back. All that time used against me. And just when I thought I could have the future I wanted, I'm left with something different. I could try to see what's left, but really, I don't have that much willpower anymore.
>> No. 25653 [Edit]
Would you like to talk about it?
>> No. 25654 [Edit]
I can't really go into much detail here. I just regret a lot of the things I was doing in the previous decade. And now that everything is different, I fear even wanting to live the rest of my life. I feel so doubtful of what's ahead of me. Though I appreciate your concern.
>> No. 25656 [Edit]
File 159154550620.jpg - (255.26KB , 1240x1754 , ABB5E6D3-2FD2-4C81-B564-607261F82DFE.jpg )
That’s how I feel about my life too.
>> No. 25657 [Edit]
File 159159540342.png - (1.17MB , 627x900 , EZVoCHcUEAA8xLH.png )
Sometimes I just want to start over, or at least forget about the things that I want a do over on.
>> No. 25660 [Edit]
i dont think i want to start over, but i would like to be able to pause things sometimes. to be able to stop everything and just do nothing for a good long while before resuming. i dont know what id do in that in between period, probably sleep but it would still feel much better than continuing before im ready
>> No. 25661 [Edit]
File 159211961723.png - (3.33MB , 2598x1299 , 73d9554989934f72942b3eef9640ce24.png )
Yes, that would be the dream.
>> No. 25674 [Edit]
File 159219950798.jpg - (1.15MB , 1200x1697 , 1509915496127.jpg )
and there i was, a rather uneventful summer night after a rather uneventful summer day. i had done nothing exciting other than videogames, anime, and fixing up my room that day, very mundane. i had laid down to sleep about 20 minutes ago, and was rolling around trying to get comfortable as i let my mind wander

what happened next was one of the strangest things that has ever happened to me. to put it simply, i felt happy. not the happiness you may get day to day from eating some good food or watching a good show, i mean honest to god genuine happiness. i felt like i was somewhere else entirely, surrounded by a warm and comforting light, mouth split wide open into a smile with tears welling up in my cheeks. i was light as air, nothing could touch me, all my worries and problems seemed far, far away and laughably trivial. there was somebody there with me, sharing that happiness. we were both there, together, floating in the air, happy because we were happy, happy because the other one was happy and we were happy together.

it only lasted for a fraction of a second before i was back in my bed. it was kind of like when youre dozing off and feel yourself falling so you jump in your sleep to wake up. i sat there for a good long while trying to process what had just happened and why. there was nothing (that i can think of) that would have brought it on, it just happened

i want to find my way back to that happiness. i can only faintly remember the feeling but i want to go back there so badly, to be carefree and smiling. it felt good. i felt loved. i want to go back and feel loved and wanted and happy again
>> No. 25675 [Edit]
Not an expert but that sounded totally like a Near-death experience of the positive kind. Including the craving for returning to that happiness and the feeling of being accompanied.
>> No. 25676 [Edit]
thats a little unnerving, to the i was suddenly almost dead from pretty much nothing. i did actually have what i felt to be a near death experience once though

i was sleeping (again) and woe drowsily in the middle of the night to find that i was lying in a strange position with my head hanging off the mattress and a pretty sharp angle. i was pretty sleepy so i decided to just stay like that since i didnt want to get up. i laid there for a bit until it dawned on me that i couldnt really feel certain parts of my body. in fact, i couldnt move at all. nothing would respond and i began to get scared. from there, even though it was already night, i was surrounded by darkness. it was like i was floating in the middle of nothing. i began to panic in my head, and realized that i could hear voices. i realized that i had been listening to them for a while, only they were so quiet that it only registered after reaching a certain volume. it was a countless number of voices, all in unison screaming. as if a million souls were wailing with fear and sorrow and at the top of their lungs. there were no words, but i could tell that every single voice was trying to tell me the same thing: you need to turn over, now. scared beyond words at this point, i used all my remaining strength to flip my body over so i wouldnt be laying at a weird angle any more. after what i think was a few tries i managed to muscle my way over to lay on my stomach and my head hung off the bed in a more normal fashion. i dont know how long after but i eventually gained motor function over my arms and legs again. i still couldnt move very well sos i laid back down on my bed properly soaked in cold sweat. after a while my hands worked again and i pulled the covers back over me and fell asleep trying to process what just happened

what i think happened what i was laying at an angle that cut off circulation to my head, and me waking up a little bit before was my body freaking out trying to get me to do something before i died. the screaming may have just been my imagination, but i always thought of it as all the voices of people in hell telling me to stay alive and not join them down there. again, it may have been my imagination but thinking back on that screaming.... makes me shudder
>> No. 25677 [Edit]
Sounds like sleep paralysis.

Post edited on 16th Jun 2020, 4:12am
>> No. 25678 [Edit]
File 159238291587.jpg - (1.88MB , 1500x2088 , 993c0aaef8d0e94fc4e1d10abbd34942.jpg )
>> No. 25679 [Edit]
File 159243612258.jpg - (527.82KB , 2560x1707 , 9e58f8302d7018916d3f10522c9c1e75.jpg )
I used to joke about killing myself after rebuild finished up. That was a cute time when suicide was this scary thing that'd make me cry. I was so afraid that there may be an afterlife or about all the people I'd hurt doing it. Got really into meditation a few years back. Came to realize I was a god, and that we all are. That sort of thing no longer bothers me. In the same way I used to worry about hurting people. They're only going to be upset that their piggy bank is gone, not the sort of trauma they inflicted on me as a child and certainly not the trauma inflicted by others I wouldn't dare tell them about knowing it'd be used against me.

The only way to have a perfect being is to have it literally be and experience everything that exists. It's certainly not my ideal version of a life but that's the hand I got dealt. It'd be rather selfish of me not to serve my purpose. Suicide isn't this scary thing to me any more. It's... a refreshing thought. Sometimes it feels quite nice to stay up far longer than you should just so you can feel nice and tired before bed. The sort of sleep where your head hits the pillow and then you're out cold and ready to be reborn into a fresh new state of mind in the morning after a nice, long slumber.

I'm not tired enough for it yet but I want it. I need to go to bed but my mind cries out for five more minutes as if I'm being nagged by my mother. One can only hope I go peacefully of my own volition instead of waking up with my head planted in the keyboard. I was put on this earth to be a mental health boy. The least I can do is set a good example for people like me.
>> No. 25680 [Edit]
File 159244379895.jpg - (927.12KB , 1200x720 , 80840457_p0_master1200.jpg )
>a fresh new state of mind in the morning after a nice, long slumber
More like waking up groggy, staying groggy the whole day and the next, and being even less adapt at getting yourself to do things instead of mindlessly browse.
>> No. 25682 [Edit]
File 159265477633.png - (618.17KB , 800x800 , Touhou Keiki and Mayumi 021.png )
A few years ago I did not even think I had OCD, just that I was slightly more organised or attentive than normal. Now it's gotten to the point where it is completely debilitating, I wash my hands after I touch anything and then wash them again using another tap, I can't read, learn Japanese or watch anime because I feel it's never the right time and that I will make bad connections with it because I will connect it with something bad that happened that day or that I thought about that day and I just spend two days searching for an EEVEE because it had to have the right character traits and be female.
I spend hours every day researching ridiculous things I don't even care about to make sure that everything I think about the world is correct. If even a minor thing bothers me during the day or I think about something I don't like it can ruin my entire day and stop me thinking of anything else.
I can barely even use a computer any more, I put images into waifu2x and then cancel it and redo it because I didn't allow enough time between adding images or downloading them or before I left the page or because a pop up about something came up during the process or because of any number of things, it takes half a day to enlarge half a dozen images, I can't even add them five at a time now either because of a ludicrous concern that it will somehow damage the images.
I would make sure that when I browsed PIXIV I gave plenty of time for the image to load and plenty of time to download before moving on to the next page but it get seven worse now as I just spend hours turning my computer off and on again because UI am worried that somehow the slightest issue on the process could interfere with the quality of the images I download, so as I would turn it on, my sleeve would brush against the key board while I was logging in so I would turn it off again, then I would log in, get to the desktop but then I didn't open the browser properly so I would restart again but then while I was restarting something would happen so I would have to restart after the restart but then something would happen and it goes on and on and it's been like this for months but it just gets worse it was never this bad I keep thinking it can't be worse but then something like this happens.
>> No. 25683 [Edit]
File 159276217950.jpg - (145.19KB , 674x978 , 9c1cc73e33684c87dc3014c9b3c3728d.jpg )
>> No. 25684 [Edit]
You made me think of Howard Hughes final decades.
That shit is scary and I don't know what to say.
>> No. 25686 [Edit]
When I was thinking seriously about killing myself, more like something I really needed to do and prepare than a vague idea or a wish, I found myself suddenly repulsed by most of the ways to do it, specially the violent ones.
That didn't happen before, when it was just a vague idea and shooting your head didn't even seem that bad or hard to think about.
I also foun some other typical ways you see in movies and fiction, stuff like cutting your wrists, were actually useless and failed 99% of times. I even thought about starving to death. I couldn't figure if it was bad or not, but sure wasn't a realistic idea by any means.
The only method I felt comfortable about was carbon monoxide poisoning. I liked to idea of sleeping and not waking up, also not leaving a mess behind. It seemed the closest thing to a natural death. Also liked to think in that vajrayana high level technique of desintegrating your own body, probably not real but a fascinating idea.

Why have you been mentally deteriorating lately?
Being in this kind of limbo were you want to die but can't do it seems really bad. In my case I had a limit situation coming that I wanted to avoid at any costs so I like to think I would have done it, but there's really nothing objective that could confirm I would have, and I was still some months away from the deadend.

I think there's great differences between accepting death, wanting to die and the physical act of killing yourself, I wonder what triggers to be able to do it like nothing. I knew guys from high school, absolute normalfags that probably didn't think about death a 1% of what I have done in my life, that someday at 20 yo just blew their brains out with a shotgun over some stupid shit.
It's an absolute mistery, all of it. Maybe we're just cowards to a genetic level.
>> No. 25687 [Edit]
Maybe it has to do with how much a person thinks about it. When death is only an abstract thing to a person, and something really sets them off, the frustration, inability to rationalize the situation, and lack of prior thought as to all the many implications of dying, might make suicide easier. Thinking about dying and what that means may make committing suicide more difficult. People who are more stupid/less self conscious and "cerebral", may commit suicide more easily in general, especially in circumstances which aren't otherwise already life threatening. Killing yourself like it's nothing may only be possible if the person stops thinking about it completely.
>> No. 25688 [Edit]
That makes all the sense. I always thought thinking about death all the time will make me insensitive towards it in the future, but maybe I was doing the wrong thing.
>> No. 25689 [Edit]
Since you're still alive, i'd say you did the right thing. TC needs activity.
>> No. 25690 [Edit]
It really needs it? I'm always suspecting maybe I'm posting too much.
>> No. 25691 [Edit]
Where it's at now is fine and a bit more would be good. Less than now though would be worse.
>> No. 25692 [Edit]
File 159296702226.jpg - (1.35MB , 2480x3062 , aebca3bf9bb0b212c467d812e1d4ca1c.jpg )
>> No. 25693 [Edit]
File 159303488287.jpg - (286.67KB , 1080x968 , 1336016084255.jpg )
I wish I wasn't so clumsy, always doing the same type of dumb mistakes. The "worst" part is that I am lucky enough that nothing bad ever happens. I just look like an incompetent idiot. Sometimes I am egocentric enough to feel blessed by a cruel god.
>> No. 25695 [Edit]
What mistakes you do?
>> No. 25704 [Edit]
File 159326975934.jpg - (1.17MB , 1911x2429 , 54a4b02f99b7b6c6770bea1b9db5543487e2ed47bf1ca7eeb1.jpg )
>> No. 25705 [Edit]
File 159329459330.jpg - (28.41KB , 400x524 , 7c831d1f6bb3aee21a3a2e4f705a6614b77c2070.jpg )
I don't want to be like this anymore.
>> No. 25706 [Edit]
File 159329727850.png - (810.22KB , 762x1069 , __original_drawn_by_rin_yuu__b5c7a0c7efe270ac09aef.png )
>> No. 25707 [Edit]
File 159330962497.png - (267.41KB , 500x400 , 82BEE204-9386-4351-AD93-A22EE48335E6.png )
why do I feel a deep sadness when my family members express their love for me

why does every memory of my childhood come with sadness even if it is a good memory
>> No. 25708 [Edit]
I would like to know this as well.
>> No. 25709 [Edit]
Regret maybe, I feel a bit like that sometimes regarding my siblings. They have turned out as horrible adults and I feel sad that this has happened and regretful that I didn't do something to stop it(if I even could).
>> No. 25710 [Edit]
File 159336572210.jpg - (189.35KB , 1684x1191 , 8d12b9c83df1184b8d162274f5946b3fa5c3a3be.jpg )
I wish I could escape this recurring nightmare and just dream forever.
>> No. 25711 [Edit]
File 159338728498.jpg - (743.37KB , 1520x2205 , __original_drawn_by_unagi189__659f2e53ca17033ab6ea.jpg )
So much confusing emotions, among which there is fear. It's been a harsh period, sometimes it really is better to live without hope and in oblivion than with. Change can be suffocating.
>> No. 25712 [Edit]
File 159339632375.jpg - (175.61KB , 600x850 , 1393954482309.jpg )
I really should not be thinking "Why don't I just kill myself" while looking up laws for firearms.
>> No. 25713 [Edit]
Well, the last one was this. I work as a farmer. A few weeks ago I used steel rods to mark where the water pipes were in some of the fields. Apparently I forgot to remove two of them, and when the thresher started to, well, thresh, the rods got caught up. Nothing serious happened, they just had to stop and remove the rod. But it could have happened, and it was a dumb mistake because all I had to do was count how many rods I had collected.
>> No. 25714 [Edit]
File 159360898456.png - (1.29MB , 1200x1788 , pic.png )
>> No. 25715 [Edit]
File 159361357219.jpg - (87.30KB , 902x1338 , 1510554744873.jpg )
>> No. 25716 [Edit]
File 159378893688.jpg - (471.44KB , 1915x1207 , ZZY 0331.jpg )
I was reading up on Hypothermia. It doesn't sound like a bad way to die, often people experiencing it say they don't even feel scared even though they know they are dying(and the fact that they don't is actually what does scare them) it's just like drifting off into a coma. I might even be able to make it less of a bother if I was to down some spirits tricking my body into feeling warm and also getting me to fall to sleep at the same time, then I would just not wake up.

That's if it gets much worse, the problem is that I am so close to fixing everything, so close. The end is in sight but there is a chasm that I need to leap first and things just keep getting in the way of that, it's like a cruel joke where I am living in my own personal hell but the gods dangle salvation just outside of my reach and every time I get closer to it they raise it up just a bit more. Almost as if they want me to not kill myself, they want me to be as miserable as possible while not quite being at the point where I would kill myself.
>> No. 25717 [Edit]
I remember a particular case of suicide by hipotermia by a girl who just left his house in a really cold winter with only a bible and climbed a mountain for long hours until death claimed her.
It's not something I would consider because you will feel fucking cold until you get numb, they could found you and suffering necrosis in parts of your body seems really awful.

You should live or die by your own will and power. If you start thinking there's superior beings that are determining your existence you will lose control of your life.
If you need to believe there's gods and other entities maybe it's better to think they are so powerful, enormous and probably evil that they wouldn't care to bother something as insignificant as us.
>> No. 25729 [Edit]
File 15941363349.jpg - (439.74KB , 1204x672 , 84621df7b5424091f12bb708e3230da17c88260c.jpg )
I've been bitching about the same things and promising suicide for more than a decade. Everything has only gotten worse and somehow I'm still not dead. wwwwwwwwwww
>> No. 25730 [Edit]
File 159413842495.jpg - (1.33MB , 955x1351 , 0fdb8612f2c6c351bb499198c82d97e0.jpg )
Killing oneself is pretty hard.
>> No. 25732 [Edit]
I didn't think about that fact until I was some months away from doing it. You can spend years thinking about it, fantasizing, wishing for it, but when you start planning it seriously, looking for methods and having time limits it becomes something completely different.
>> No. 25744 [Edit]
>I am so close to fixing everything
How does one fix everything? I need to know.
>> No. 25746 [Edit]
File 159510801393.jpg - (63.11KB , 336x500 , __kazami_yuuka_and_kazami_yuuka_touhou_and_1_more_.jpg )
At this point I would be spamming the board because I think about it every day. I'm sick of existence.
>> No. 25749 [Edit]
File 159551762257.png - (4.62MB , 1200x1697 , ca8caab59b9aa8d00af686b440125238b3c2920e.png )
I stumbled on a paper arguing that my chosen method is probably a painful way to die. It's funny, a few minutes of agony is a drop in the bucket compared to what I can expect from living on, but now I'm already writing off all the progress I made as a loss. If I didn't know any better I'd think I wanted to live!
>> No. 25779 [Edit]
File 159602666999.jpg - (21.98KB , 245x229 , 1293850849781.jpg )
I finally got myself a job. The first real one in almost half a year. But I fucked it up within the first week and I seem to have gotten myself fired now.
>Duplicate file entry detected.
Ah, funny that. Even my past self mocks me from within this very thread. Fitting.
>> No. 25781 [Edit]
File 15960745341.jpg - (166.33KB , 1280x720 , 8369A012-257F-444A-8A57-E39DFA729484.jpg )
The future is so fucking bleak, why bother living through it.
>> No. 25782 [Edit]
File 159610897923.jpg - (494.38KB , 1400x1100 , 439f5044f143a1a754759a9bf3824cd97be46677.jpg )
>> No. 25783 [Edit]
File 15961175328.jpg - (772.83KB , 1200x1300 , __kemomimi_chan_original_drawn_by_naga_u__39676313.jpg )
>> No. 25798 [Edit]
File 15970813764.png - (0.96MB , 1280x932 , 9b355eab536099538ae7aa60b8036c19.png )
The void that is routine gets larger and larger. I remember when I was younger I'd get upset and rage or cry about stupid things but at least then I had enthusiasm for life, and enjoy the moments I did have fun. Even on my days off a lot of things honestly feel mechanical...
>> No. 25799 [Edit]
have you tried introducing some positive changes in your life?
For me, getting into sports and keeping myself occupied with various projects like programming, translation work, doing historical research etc. has kept me mostly free from suicidal thoughts for the past couple of years.
>> No. 25800 [Edit]
for clarification: by 'getting into sports' I don't mean watching football or whatever, I mean doing calisthenics, biking, juggling, DDR, hiking and so on by myself.
>> No. 25803 [Edit]
File 159718432930.gif - (1.97MB , 311x498 , tenor.gif )
>have you tried introducing some positive changes in your life?
No I never thought of that thanks
>> No. 25815 [Edit]
File 159757935445.jpg - (208.59KB , 1920x1080 , 1594487724202.jpg )
>> No. 25833 [Edit]
File 159814026717.gif - (1.26MB , 498x278 , lucy.gif )
I think I'm developing arthritis in my hands. I can feel the pain as I am typing this. I always knew that there is not enough to "ground me" in this world to make me put up with something like chronic pain, and that as I age, my body would deteriorate and eventually drive me over the edge into that dreadful abyss. But I thought I still had a decade or two to go before it would get bad.




>> No. 25859 [Edit]
File 159900307810.png - (239.96KB , 400x750 , 6676101_78265298_p0.png )
Guy who deleted his post... I liked what you wrote it was lyrical.
>> No. 25865 [Edit]
File 15991586141.jpg - (603.43KB , 1120x1442 , tumblr_5867a6769646226e034ec68a8be65b5a_b0ed85fe_1.jpg )
I'm planning on buying 4 100mcg/h fentanyl patches to kill myself. I bought $600 worth of bitcoins but I need to verify my ID with coinbase before I can send it to my electrum bitcoin wallet. Turns out my state ID had expired on june 2020 so I renewed it online. Once my ID comes I'll complete the verification, transfer the bitcoins to my electrum wallet, and finally purchase the fentanyl patches. The seller is in germany and I live in the USA so it'll have to pass through customs, but I doubt 4 small and sealed fentanyl patches in a bubble envelope will raise any red flags.

I'll have to wait for the packet to arrive and then I can die a peaceful death. I have zero tolerance with opioids and I have never done any recreational drugs, so the lethal dosage will likely be lower. If only my ID had not expired I would have ordered the patches already, and now I must wait around 2 weeks for my ID to come...

If anyone is serious about suicide I would recommend fentanyl patches. From my research it's probably the most reliable and peaceful way to end your life, but just make sure that you don't have any opioid tolerance.
>> No. 25866 [Edit]
coinbase lets you buy bitcoins without an ID but makes you provide one to actually get the thing you've paid for? That sounds like some bs.
>> No. 25867 [Edit]
I know. This is actually my first time using cryptocurrencies. I never had any need for it in the past.

You'll need some identification when you make a coinbase account like the last 4 digit of your SSN. But, in order to send and receive cryptocurrencies you'll need a photo ID card. I don't have a driver's license, but I do have a state ID. Unfortunately it was expired. Anyways I can wait. After all I've been through I can wait a few weeks.
>> No. 25868 [Edit]
> I doubt 4 small and sealed fentanyl patches in a bubble envelope will raise any red flags.
Just double check the seller you're buying from is reputable I guess. I haven't followed the dark web drug scene since Silk Road was last taken down, but I'm assuming the reputable sellers have worked out a way to evade customs. On the other hand, I've read that Fentanyl from China has become an increased concern to the DEA. I don't know why they go to such lengths to prevent legal assisted suicide (rhetorical question: society has decided that it's in their collective best interest to keep people around as long as possible to have a larger labor pool).
>> No. 25871 [Edit]
File 159917526968.jpg - (1.01MB , 2446x3500 , 018.jpg )
Please keep in mind that the rules still apply. >>/r/13
>> No. 25937 [Edit]
File 160139954553.jpg - (382.25KB , 700x1400 , __kemomimi_chan_original_drawn_by_naga_u__3e483c81.jpg )
>> No. 25977 [Edit]
File 160254203137.jpg - (311.06KB , 1636x2048 , KIRBY TSUG.jpg )
I'm just so tired
>> No. 25982 [Edit]
File 160264894773.jpg - (356.31KB , 1000x1350 , 2458_80988185_p0.jpg )
>no cute girl to bring meaning to your life

Please don't misuse quoting function.
>> No. 26212 [Edit]
File 160775175313.png - (397.78KB , 443x446 , Madoka.png )
I don't know what is it about today, I think I'm getting the Christmas blues earlier.
>> No. 26254 [Edit]
File 160870884246.png - (0.97MB , 900x900 , 090d164ad38bdaa95d5ed2c8a56772de.png )
>> No. 26255 [Edit]
So umm, what's wrong?
>> No. 26278 [Edit]
File 160955749254.jpg - (177.39KB , 526x800 , 871625_82910222_p0.jpg )
I live in townhouse, my neighbours are a couple with 2 young girls from what I can tell. For past 3 months or so I hear alot of noise from them. This month I can hear them almost daily. It sounds like someone stomping on the wall next to my room and I can feel my room shake. Doesn't sound like sex, sounds like someone running up and down stairs but the banging lasts over an hour sometimes. I've put my ear to the wall like 20 times. I always hear a little girl screaming. Once the father kept yelling, "NO NO STOP". Except for one window on the 2nd floor, they always have their curtains shut even the small basement window. They have 2 black cars, a sedan and a minivan with tinted windows. Often guy in a small black sedan with tinted windows comes to visit them. Two other cars too, they seem to have guests at least once a week.

I've thought about calling the police. What if it's child abuse? What if the kid is making noise to call for my help? What if they're selling the girl's bodies for money and the visitors are customers. My thoughts gets worse as I keep thinking about the situation over there.

Today I woke up twice from an afternoon nap to my room shaking due to my neighbours' wall stomping. I pressed my ear to wall few times and hear a little girl screaming along with the stomping. My room lit up as their black minivan left the driveway. Maybe the father went out. Fuck it. I decided nows the time to go ring their door, see what happens and than decide to call the police or not. This is pretty big for me who is a low profile socially withdrawn neet with aneixty who doesn't want to bother anyone.

So I go over there. I notice they have two cars parked on the curb. I ring the bell. Four 7-12yo kids run to the door to look at me. They look happy and giggly. One of them says, "I don't know him". A middle-aged man on the phone walks over, looks at me and walks away. Two older ladies walk over and say hello. Nothing sad is going on here. This is just a normal family with noisy as fuck kids. They're enjoying a happy New Year party with friends/relatives. I tell them "I heard alot of noise... uh I live next door... (she didn't hear me)... I live next door... is everything okay?". She nods and says "yeah". I nod back, turn around and walk away.

Here I am, back in my room alone on Christmas and New Years wasting my life behind a computer screen while so much happiness is on the other side of this wall. I'm depressed on the verge of tears right now. I don't remember the last time I felt emotional enough to cry. I feel a bit better after typing this out.
>> No. 26279 [Edit]
Do you have a landlord or something to complain to? That's sounds annoying as fuck. I couldn't stand one week, let alone 3 months of that shit. It's also weird that a family with enough money for all those cars would live in a townhouse.
>> No. 26282 [Edit]
File 160955835028.jpg - (1.28MB , 1300x1352 , 1527393818077.jpg )
Good on you for having the courage to at least see what was going on! Especially speaking them to person – that's something I don't think I would have had the courage to do (I can imagine a scenario where I would have called the police and it would have made the situation 10x worse since it's a false alarm as you noted).

But if the noise is indeed bothering you, maybe just drop a polite note in their mailbox or something.

Post edited on 1st Jan 2021, 7:34pm
>> No. 26285 [Edit]
This is weird but did the thread disappear from /so/?
>> No. 26286 [Edit]
>> No. 26287 [Edit]
File 160955969350.jpg - (855.68KB , 2000x2621 , 1609457808067.jpg )
what is it about me i wonder
>> No. 26289 [Edit]
You're a good person. If you were living in the 2D world (read: just world), you would have gotten a loli for your troubles.
>> No. 26290 [Edit]
File 160958152494.jpg - (299.29KB , 728x801 , 1337241831032.jpg )
I find incredible how some people can be so extremely noisy. Last neighbours I had was like having three horses on cocaine going free into the roof, current neighbours are a family of sandniggers that don't work or do shit and literally spend all their waking time screaming at each other in the most loudest way possible. I also suspect there could be some domestic abuse there but I don't even care and I just would like them to shut up for once. All that while having to deal with the noise in the street, even with a curfew there's people screaming in the streets in late nighttime.
What I don't get is why you feel depressed, you avoided having that shit in your house, what's the problem? If something, having to deal with noisy humans depresses me because it makes me understand how living with people is hell, how I live in a culture I'm completely alien from, how I'm never going to get used to.
>> No. 26294 [Edit]
File 160959525073.jpg - (124.62KB , 1280x720 , 1604514816006.jpg )
>having to deal with noisy humans depresses me because it makes me understand how living with people is hell, how I live in a culture I'm completely alien from, how I'm never going to get used to.
Same, it makes me think the world is inherently ugly. The alienation part is the worst.
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