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Anonymous 08/05/23(Sat)16:02 No. 28383 [Edit]

Forgive me if there's a better thread for this, but I'm drunk and I wanted to vent and I was wondering if anyone could kinda relate, or just have any thoughts on my situation, I guess.

Without divulging too much information about myself (both because I'm paranoid of doing so and because no one gives a shit) I'm a NEET closer to 30 than 20, I get disability for schizophrenia and have done since I was 21. Basically, I never worked, and I've been an "otaku" (in quotes because I consider it to be something of a loaded term) since I was around 15. In school I had no friends and did poorly due to being heavily bullied for my awkward demeanour and poor hygiene (neglectful family that did not teach me how to wash my clothes and didn't care if I washed myself, so I never did it) so I'd go home and shut myself in since the next time I would be forced to go out for school. And to top this all off there was a traumatic event that caused me to recluse myself even further, so the perfect combination of aspects to make someone a hikikomori for life. Around this time I found anime and manga, and began posting online a lot more whenever I was able to. My home had no PC, but my grandparents' home did and I could sometimes use the library computers, and I would force myself through the school day looking forward to these moments where I could immerse myself in the new culture I discovered. I graduated with terrible grades (I had favourite subjects but was bullied so relentlessly that I dreaded attending school and my grades suffered as a result) and stayed with my parents. Eventually I started hallucinating and after some hospitalisations I was ultimately diagnosed with schizophrenia.

While receiving disability payments I've lived in a variety of situations but the crucial thing has always been that as long as my rent is taken from my disability payment on time and I don't make a whole lot of noise, I'm left to my own devices. No one really bothers me as I don't say much of anything, I wash my clothes and play loud music only I'm on my own so I'm not causing a disturbance. So I just... lurk. Very rarely post, but I lurk a lot. I play an MMO that is pretty much always open on my second monitor, and spend 5-6 hours a day on anime and manga viewing. I taught myself enough Japanese to comfortably read manga aimed at teenagers, though for literature and more "mature" works or comedy works with a lot of wordplay, I still need subs. I got myself a relatively decent computer after a few months of using my dad's second-hand laptop that burned up if I tried to use Chrome with multiple tabs open.

Any money I have left from my disability payment goes to anime merch and other "otaku" shit to pile up in my room. Books and figures and the like. And I'm really fucking sick of it. It's been a decade like this. My room is fulled to the brim with shit, frankly. I recall liking this a lot. I recall /really/ liking it, the rush of excitement when I'd open a package, the thrill of discovering some new series previously unknown to me. It was great. It was so great. It's been the one glimmer of happiness in a life that started off shit and got worse. But most anime I see nowadays is shit to me. Manga still has some joys but they're few and far between. 4chan is total shit now, I've heard Discord is the place to go but it all moves too fast and every server has its own weird culture with names and faces I'm expected to keep track of. Don't even get me started on Twitter and the like. The isekai trend frustrates me. Gacha games frustrate me. It all means fuck-all to me now and I'm stuck with it.

This stuff used to fulfil me. The day I found out about Touhou I was ecstatic, I dived right into the doujin music scene, gorged myself on fan manga, I downloaded the games and carried them around on a USB drive I stole from school so I could play them on any computer that would let me. And now it just doesn't. I'm so numb to all of it that I don't even really buy stuff any more so my extra money after food and rent just sits in my bank. I drink a lot more now. I feel like a sad old man clinging to the past. The joy has slowly faded from it and now it's all just indifferent. The thing I loved isn't there any more, and why would it be? It's been 15 years. The "otaku media" in 2007 had very little to do with the "otaku media" in 1992. Things have changed, but I haven't.

I want to grow out of "otaku", but I can't. I know it's time. But there's nothing to grow /into/.

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>>	Anonymous 08/05/23(Sat)16:13 No. 28384 [Edit] >But most anime I see nowadays is shit to me So what anime are you using as a reference for "good", stuff from the 1990s?

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Anonymous 08/05/23(Sat)16:18 No. 28385 [Edit] >>28384 Stuff from when I was a teenager, ya know. I know anime was probably shit back then too and what I'm lamenting is that I'm aging. But I don't know where to go from here if the only thing I ever really enjoyed isn't grabbing me any more. I don't know. This was stupid, sorry

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Anonymous 08/05/23(Sat)17:02 No. 28386 [Edit] >>28383 > The "otaku media" in 2007 had very little to do with the "otaku media" in 1992. Things have changed, but I haven't. You're looking at things the wrong way. For the sake of argument, you enjoy the 1990s-2000s era of otaku media because something about it is special to you. Likewise, there are also people (clearly lots of them, else we'd have been through with the isekai and moe shit by now) who enjoy the media of the 2010s-2020s+, because something about it is special to them. Otaku media is a form of art, and art at its core is subjective. It doesn't make much sense to force yourself to find value in art you don't like. There's nothing wrong with sticking your head even deeper into the things that gave you pleasure; I am sure there is still plenty left to enjoy. Post edited on 5th Aug 2023, 5:03pm

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Anonymous 08/05/23(Sat)17:35 No. 28387 [Edit] File 169128211562.jpg - (140.22KB , 750x1000 , 2944f153dba5493c6a6ab1adb2850a8b.jpg ) Your mood will probably benefit from improving your lifestyle. Stop drinking and get regular physical activity. Make sure your diet has enough magnesium and what not. Though I know all that is easier said than done. As for hobbies, it's hard to make a suggestion since I don't know what you would enjoy. You could try creating something of your own, i.e learn how to draw and or write.

>>	Anonymous 08/05/23(Sat)18:04 No. 28388 [Edit] >>28383 >The "otaku media" in 2007 had very little to do with the "otaku media" in 1992 That's not really true. The lineage is very direct. Even now, some of the old guard of the 1st anime boom from the early 1970s are still alive, and many even active.

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Anonymous 08/05/23(Sat)18:09 No. 28389 [Edit] File 16912841818.png - (2.83MB , 1920x1080 , [SubsPlease] Bocchi the Rock! - 08 (1080p) [D7E0A4.png ) >>28388 For example, from a recent anime. It expects the audience to understand and resonate with this reference from a 40 year old series. >The isekai trend frustrates me What about it particularly? Stories like this go way back in anime, and it's not like they make that many animated works per season despite the high amount of them on Syosetsu. >But most anime I see nowadays is shit to me What have you tried recently out of curiosity?

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Anonymous 08/05/23(Sat)18:09 No. 28390 [Edit] >>28388 Not him, but while there's a direct lineage, art by its nature has themes that are influenced by surrounding context. I suspect the popularity of isekai can probably be attributed to growing disillusionment. The general theme was seen in the late 1990s, early 2000s (e.g. Welcome to the NHK), but in the decades since there's a fatalist tonal shift that seems to result in "escapism" (isekai, or CGDCT) becoming more popular.

>>	Anonymous 08/05/23(Sat)18:54 No. 28391 [Edit] >>28390 In my opinion anime has been about escapism for quite a long time before this, although it certainly has a more bitter tone to it now because of the times. The world is pretty awful now so wanting to leave it is understandable, I think.

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Anonymous 08/05/23(Sat)23:35 No. 28392 [Edit] >>28389 >It expects the audience to understand and resonate with this reference from a 40 year old series. Not all anime do this, and I think most of these references are pretty engrained in the scene. Maybe it's just me but I think I'd much rather that, than quickly dated references to something recently popular.

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Anonymous 08/06/23(Sun)06:07 No. 28393 [Edit] File 169132727846.png - (397.10KB , 888x480 , [Exiled-Destiny]_Genshiken_Ep01_(393A3945)_mkv (00.png ) >>28392 I don't mind either, really. The fact that the references become dated doesn't bother me since it marks it as from a particular time and place.

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Anonymous 08/06/23(Sun)12:53 No. 28394 [Edit] Seeing my thread again sober and wow, this was directionless, huh. No idea what I came into this intending to say. I feel I should have clarified at some point in my disjointed rant that this is all my own takes and my own experience. I'm not genuinely saying anime got worse or whatever. Just that I find myself enjoying it less. It's an issue of anhedonia, I suppose. I see people enjoying it the way I used to enjoy it and it makes me real sad because I miss that feeling so much.

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Anonymous 09/15/23(Fri)12:18 No. 28441 [Edit] File 169480550731.png - (1.52MB , 1343x748 , Isekai wa Smartphone to Tomo ni S.png ) >>28383 Are you actually willing to do anything about this situation of yours? Have you tried anything so far? No offense, but it comes off as "...and thats how it is and im gonna have another drink now".

>>	Anonymous 09/15/23(Fri)14:21 No. 28442 [Edit] File 169481288129.png - (863.31KB , 1280x720 , [SubsPlease] Isekai wa Smartphone to Tomo ni S2 - .png ) >>28441 Hello fellow watcher of Yae's anime.

>>	Anonymous 09/15/23(Fri)23:26 No. 28443 [Edit] File 169484559280.png - (1.48MB , 1227x857 , Isekai wa Smartphone to Tomo ni S.png ) >>28442 Hello!

>>	Anonymous 09/28/23(Thu)05:39 No. 28460 [Edit] File 169590477843.jpg - (142.83KB , 850x1512 , vintage-20210531-200918-017-resize.jpg ) >>28383 I am a schizo too but I work in a stay-home internet job. Maybe you can try that.

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