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27004 No. 27004 [Edit]
do your parents force you to do anything?
i'm 26 and still live with my parents, while i know they don't hate me, they do put alot of pressure on me to do normal things; get a 3DPD and focus on collage etc. i understand what they mean but they're so oppressive i almost makes it worse. and i can't do anything against them whatever they say goes. but at the sametime they do love me, it's this weird back and forth and i just feel alot from it.
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>> No. 27005 [Edit]
Yes, they try to push to be "social," make friends, and will often talk about future plans as if it is a given I will get a 3dpd and spawn offspring. It's not really oppressive and I guess they mean well, but I wish it'd be more clear to them that I am simply not wired for that kind of stuff and resent it.
>> No. 27006 [Edit]
My father would pressure me to ditch my mother and move out on my own. Not that there was any indication he'd help me out in any way shape or form if I did, he just thought it was pathetic. He'd also pressure me to be more of a handyman, help him with his various repairs and projects, and generally treat me like a disposable tool. No love there, just keeping around someone as long as they're useful.
My mother meanwhile would use emotional manipulation to pressure me into staying with her, supporting her and taking care of her day to day. Not sure if there's love there or the fear of being alone and being unable to care for herself.
Neither one seems like they could care less about me being social. I used to get the impression my mother wanted grand kids but I think she gave up on that.
>> No. 27007 [Edit]
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27007
>>27004
Sometimes I think people that loves you can be worse than people that hates you or is indiferent towards you. It's not like love redeems the whole family thing, it's what truly makes it so terrible.
I remember this guy in an schizoid forum talking about how his awful mother was literally encouraging him to kill himself, and I had this weird thought; "he's lucky".
If you hate your parents and your parents hate you, you're free, there's no debts to pay. If there's "love" involved, then there's guilt and shame, for life. Everything is more painful.
I've been living independently for 5 years and I still have the same feelings, I don't think I could ever get rid of them. I see my father like four or five times a year, he tells me what I should have done, what I should be doing, what I should do, I argue against it, I end feeling terrible, shame and guilt for weeks, like an awful son, a leech. It will never end, doesn't matter the age. I plan to renounce to my inheritance in the hopes of feeling more at peace with it, but I suspect even that would not be enough. I could have been free of all of it, but I fucked up and it's my biggest regreet.
>> No. 27010 [Edit]
what kind of collages do you make?

im also 26 but i feel i enjoy living away from home a lot which is a motivation to try do things in my life (as i feel anxious doing things in front of my parents)
>> No. 27012 [Edit]
My dad found out one of our neighbors is a "tinder coach" and got mad when I wouldn't agree to sign up for her coaching.
>> No. 27013 [Edit]
>>27010
I think he meant college?
>> No. 27016 [Edit]
>>27012
What the hell is that? someone who gives you advice on how to attract whores on tinder?
>> No. 27071 [Edit]
>>27010
op here
i would love to live alone but my parents are really forcing me through collage and think if i start living alone i won't focus on studies. i kinda get it but living with them really doesn't make me feel comfortable.
>> No. 27093 [Edit]
My parents often try to pressure me to get a drivers license and start driving instead of just being a shut-in. I don't know if anyone else shares this, but the very thought of driving gives me fear and dread. It's not the act of controlling a car in and of itself – since I'd be perfectly fine driving on a rural, desolate road with no one else around – but it's the unpredictability of everyone else on the road zooming along on their death contraptions. And add to that the situational awareness and the sheer number of variables you have to pay attention to combined with my propensity to overanalyze things. And then add to that the fact that this awareness and predictive processes must be maintained for the duration of an entire trip. Just the thought of it is exhausting.
>> No. 27094 [Edit]
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27094
>>27093
I have my license and a car and I don't like driving either. I live in a country town so it's not that bad here and it's quite easy to drive from town to town as well. But I am incredibly nervous about city driving so if I have to go to the city I usually drive to the outskirts and then walk the rest of the way. But it's like anything, I would get used to it if I did it regularly.

I think it's a skill everybody should have, if you have a car or access to a car and a license, you can go anywhere, whenever you want and you are able to buy and drive home most items if the are not furniture and all without ever having to deal with other people.
>> No. 27095 [Edit]
>>27093
Driving was always a very scary experience for me. My father pressed me to get a license for years, I got one (it wasn't easy, it took me a year) just so I could have some peace at least. I drove for 4 years, had two accidents, never touched a car again and it's been almost 6 years until the last time. I couldn't even do basic shit like parking.
>>27094
>I usually drive to the outskirts and then walk the rest of the way
I feel identified with this, I used to do that all the time. I still dream a lot about driving and fucking things up, where I'm in the wrong side of the road or I'm causing an accident. I had one of those last night, it's like an extremely common dream of mine.
>> No. 27125 [Edit]
>>27093
I hate driving and live with my parents in a city you have to drive a ton to go anywhere, I'm finally moving out in large part just to go to a city with good public transit and ditch my car. I mostly hate everything about parking, needing to plan out ahead of time where you can park when you want to go somewhere, actually finding a spot once you're there, and how nerve-wracking it is that even the slightest bump is a huge deal. Also compared to the train where I can just do whatever, driving time just feels like completely wasted chunks of my day where my only option is to constantly be searching for enough podcasts to fill the time.

Post edited on 18th Feb 2022, 4:13pm
>> No. 27137 [Edit]
>>27093
Mine also pressure me to get a license. For me, it's not about a fear of driving but simply a lack of motivation. The exams here are quite difficult and it's quite rare for people to pass on their first attempt. I'd rather not waste so much money and time on something that I am not guaranteed to pass anyway. You also need to pay absurd amounts of money as a car owner (parking tickets, insurances, taxes) that I'd also rather keep for myself.
>> No. 27220 [Edit]
>>27093
I just got my license last November, and I had the same fear you do now for all the years I've been out of highschool and license-less. I thought, when I was getting it, that i would never want to go further than driving around my town or to the nearest town over. I really was that scared of it and I felt that I could never ever drive on a highway, to me it felt that I was mentally incapable. When I imagined trying to navigate such a chaotic mess of other people in massive deathboxes I just couldn't see how my clumsy ass could do it. Well, I've had a car for all of two or so months now, and it honestly does get so much easier over a little bit of time. Just last month I took a 60 mile drive out into the countryside to visit a favorite old town of mine, and the only problems I had were some navigational errors like missing a turn. Control-wise, it just doesn't feel like anything, it feels routine and like something I could do while eating. Keep in mind, I'm a diagnosed high-functioning autist and I've had to take classes on social interaction before just to land a job. Now I do drive to work 6 of 7 days a week, so that helps.

It's an important skill to have if only because it means you have the freedom to get up and go somewhere if you want, scary or not. It seems a lot harder and a lot scarier than it is but if you haven't done it yet, you just have no way of knowing. I really thought I would never pass the road skills test. Maybe it really is too much for some people and I certainly think it could be, but you never know until you try.
>> No. 27397 [Edit]
I'm still pretty young. My parents just don't want me to be a hikikomori. My mom mostly just wants me to do something, anything. Meet people and all of that. My dad doesn't seem to care about me socializing or anything, but he does want me to do something with myself. He's more supportive and understanding than my mother, but also has higher expectations as a result. Tells me he'd be doing the same thing as I am in my shoes, but if I lived with him, I'd have to work.
My mom doesn't make me do anything. She's kind of crazy. An alcoholic too. I'm uncertain what exactly she wants for me, but she kinda loses it if I talk about possibly moving out. She's never really said anything to me, but from what I've heard I'm pretty scared to move out. At the same time, she's scared of pushing me away, so she's very accommodating.

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