NEET is not a label, it's a way of life!
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25323 No. 25323 [Edit]
Post random things you remember. Little things that left an impression on you.

I was driving with my mom somewhere around the time I was in middle school. It was a long ride. I summarised the plots of eva and saya no uta to her. She seemed bored and a little put-off, but I think she was listening. Then she started talking about how Japanese people have a genetic propensity for cruelness which explained why they would make such things. I thought it was an interesting theory.
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>> No. 25324 [Edit]
It's the worst. Trying to talk to someone about something you deeply care about, whether it's casual interests or hard personal issues. Realizing they can't wait for you to shut up, realizing that they themselves don't shut you up only out of embarrassment and forced politeness. It's the worst. Futilely trying to make someone else care. They never do. I hate these memories. I hate myself. I hate everyone.

I remembered something that happened to me sometime halfway through the primary school. One of many similar incidents.
It was a typical gloomy day in the decomposing eastern bloc. It was wet and cool, snow was almost gone. The awful weather somewhere between winter and spring.
Outside of the schoolyard's fence there was a short, shallow ditch running along a rarely used road. It drained water from a little ground seep. Kids used to play there after their classes were over.
I had no friends, but I wanted to. I never wanted to be alone.
That day after school a group of kids stayed to play at the stream, and I tagged along. I should have went straight home.
The water was full of hair-like algae, bright green. We would gather long streams of these things with sticks, wave them around like whips and chase each other.
We threw the wet algae against the road's asphalt. They made funny slapping sounds and could be arranged in patterns. On warm days they would dry up and harden into a stiff grey mass.
That day was particularly muddy. I picked up a big clump of the green stuff, and decided to throw it straight up in the air, as high as I could. I thought it would be funny. Mud sprayed as I swung my stick to launch the alga rocket.
Some of the the dirt landed on another kid, leaving a stain no bigger than 5mm on the sleeve of his green-blue winter jacket.
It got him very angry immediately.
I was confused. I thought I everyone was having fun, I got somewhat dirty myself. I didn't mind.
He got in my face and told me to lick the sleeve clean. I didn't understand what was happening and why. I said no.
He slapped me and ordered me to lick it, again. I refused, already crying. He slapped me, pushed me against the school's rusty fence.
I couldn't think of anything I could do to get out of that situation so I threw the muddy stick I was holding at him and called him some names, just to spite him.
He held me against the fence, hitting me in the face repeatedly.
It felt like it took a long time but it must have been seconds. He couldn't have hit me more than 2 or 3 times.
I tried to swing my arms pathetically trying to punch back but it was useless. I was useless, and the feeling only made me cry harder.
Then he dragged me to the road, threw me against the asphalt and kept beating me and grinding my head against the rough tarmac.
Others just watched, no one said a word.
When he was done with me I ran home stumbling and crying, covered in snot, spit, caked mud and blood.
I was always weak so it wasn't really a run, more like a pathetic trot, no faster than walking. In my nightmares when I try to run I always do the same retarded trot.
Behind me I heard the fun times resume, like nothing happened. Others were laughing, running around, doing their thing. No one cared.
When I returned home my mother got scared for a second, then angry, both at the other kid and at me. My father didn't care, as usual.
They didn't say it to my face but they were ashamed and disappointed I was such a loser who couldn't resolve any issues by himself.
Mother called school about the issue. The next day me and that other kid were brought before the principal, scolded, made to promise we wouldn't cause trouble again and shake hands.
I felt hurt and wronged. I didn't think I did anything to deserve what happened, yet we were punished the same. Additionally the silent conclusion was that I was a problematic element who provoked others into abusive behaviour and violence.
My mother also told me I shouldn't hold it against the other kid because I always had it easy and he was from a "hard home." I did what she said, and felt even worse about myself.
To this day when I remember the event I wonder if the whole situation got that Arnie in trouble, if his father beat him for it or something.

This is how things were my entire life. I was told to be open and understanding of others and their struggles. I did my best to, but no one ever did the same for me. I couldn't ever make anyone help me unless I forced them to. I can't stand it. I was told to care while no one else did.
When I ended up in situations requiring arbitration of others, theories were constructed after the fact to explain why I deserved what I got, why I deserve to be a reject.
I suffer. 30 years, I suffer without a pause. Alone. Banging head against a wall. Normals can't imagine what it does to a human heart.
>> No. 25325 [Edit]
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If it has any worth for you, I read it all.
I have even more awkward but similar experiences that have hurt me forever.
Still, all those years are over so as an adult you have it easier to not having to deal with certain shitty situations. Childhood can be the most awful time for someone's life. Problem is when it happens and you return to that hell like if you're still there. Or the nightmares.
>> No. 25326 [Edit]
I've had similar experiences before when I was a kid, I eventually stopped trying to play with anyone. I was just very disliked for some reason and they would always find a way to turn me into the bad guy despite not doing anything to anyone or taking something very small that would have otherwise been overlooked by anyone else and blowing it out of proportion and ganging up on me. I would often have no idea what was going on and just go home quietly defeated by a whirlwind of implications about what they decided I was like or did but only got beat up once back then. I'm thinking back right to them and I'm still confused.
>> No. 25327 [Edit]
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Having been a hiki for most of my life much of the random shit I remember is stupid arguments I've gotten into and meaningless posts I've made on random forums. I hate it honestly. I feel filthy and debased to think how much of my life is defined by my trivial and stupid interactions with other people over the net. I usually end up chanting a mantra of "Shut up shut up shut up" till the memory goes away. Only very rarely do I have a even slightly good memory since the only time I was really happy was when I was six years old or younger.

The last decent memory I can recall welled up when I was going to sleep one night. It was a birthday trip to a chain restaurant that gave out balloons and crayons to kids. I remember getting out of the car into the parking lot and walking excitedly up to the door, but having it too big for me. So I had to wait for my parents to come and open it. I darted inside, and the smells of food, and the sound of music, and the squeak of balloons delighted me. I remember the flashes of color and the smell of the latex balloons that I was given, the way I tied crayons to the bottom till they just floated, without floating away. I got to order the things I wanted, even going so far as to have desert first. Most of my family was still alive then, so they were all there. They all sang with the waiter when he came with the desert (a chocolate cake thing with fried dough and icecream on the side). Eventually the dinner was over, and I was ready to go home, so I went to the door and waited for my uncle and father to stop talking. When I went out to the car I felt a cold damp wind off rolling in off the sea. Then I let my balloon float off into the sky. I think I fell asleep in the back seat on the way home. I don't really remember it perfectly, only in snips and flashes but... Well.

I don't want to dwell on even good memories. I don't see that child as me at all. It's like someone else's memory that's been put in my head somehow. It makes me feel all twisted up inside.
>> No. 25328 [Edit]
>It's the worst. Trying to talk to someone about something you deeply care about, whether it's casual interests or hard personal issues. Realizing they can't wait for you to shut up, realizing that they themselves don't shut you up only out of embarrassment and forced politeness. It's the worst. Futilely trying to make someone else care
I know that exact feeling. I sometimes still do it today, like its involuntary, and I can visibly see the disinterest in someone but I still babble on for some unknown reason. I've even sometimes just stopped mid-sentence before when it happens and the other person doesn't pull me up on why I stopped because they probably aren't listening whatsoever. It's that innate part of me (and all humans) that wants/needs to socialise, so it forces me through such humiliating experiences. I wish I could kill it but I don't have the luxury of being able to be a NEET or hikki.
>> No. 25329 [Edit]
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We're always told that we just have to look for like-minded people. For some group of identical individuals who we'd fit right into. That's very easy for some, others are good enough at changing themself to fit into some group, and then there's people for which no group exists, and they are unwilling and or unable to put on a permanent facade.

Back when I was in grade school, when making one or two aquaintances was almost natural, I've tried getting other people interested in the same things as me. If nobody cares about what you do, maybe you can get them interested, I thought. First I'd get intently interested in whatever they are, so they'd be more receptive. Talk about what they want all the time. It never worked. I got one guy I knew to watch Akira and Ghost in the Shell, and he drew comics as a hobby, but after giving it a chance, he flat out told me that he just doesn't like the "anime style". Most other people wouldn't watch anything you suggest, ever.
>> No. 25331 [Edit]
Most people doesn't have "interests", not in the same way we understand it. In high school I actually got some people into anime and other stuff, it's amazing how being such a loser I could be influential at any degree.
But it's always temporary, people grow up and focus on "important" things. Just think about the expression "killing time", for most people the more important movie or book or anything is just that and getting emotionally involved will be kinda dumb for them.
>> No. 25332 [Edit]
Your prose in the second paragraph is very good; I was briefly immersed in your words.
>> No. 25333 [Edit]
They do but anime is different. For most people it's just a phase.
>> No. 25334 [Edit]
I've had people come and go through my life from high school and below and I personally was only able to get some friends I had what seems like a lifetime ago now into some PS2 games I enjoyed when it was a big system. Sometimes we would play older PC shooters together. Anime all around where I lived was always looked down on and I often didn't see too many people into it at all. Especially not the SOL moe fests I was always into and still am today which is even more unpopular but it's not all I watch by any means either. I was just initially drawn to anime from that. Whenever they thought about it the only things that came to mind usually were Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, or hentai which was weird at the time because in the early 2000's at most it was hard to get anything without directly looking for it a little more hidden from mainstream view like hentai (I'm talking like 2006 and below). I actually did come across one person recently I see often that is openly into anime but our tastes are radically different so it's not that noteworthy to me.
>> No. 25337 [Edit]
I have a nice memory in my head between all the bad thoughts.
It was winter and it was snowing. I went to the store to buy cookies and listened to lolicore. Blissful. Fin.
>> No. 25360 [Edit]
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Another middle school story. During that time I ate lunch in empty conference rooms. Nobody noticed or cared. One day I came in and the long table was convered in paper bags filled with pbj sandwiches. On them was a picture and something like "food for African children". Some slogan. Then something else caught my attention. In the garbage bin, there was a box of pizza with the entire thing left in it, except the cheese. The massive contrast between these two images in the same place left an impression me.

Post edited on 6th Mar 2020, 9:47pm
>> No. 25399 [Edit]
In the second grade in elementary school, we talked about big numbers, the teacher started by 1000 and every pupil had to add up 1000 to the number before him. I was at 10000, so I decided to say: "IT'S OVER 9000!!!". Nobody understood the reference.
>> No. 25400 [Edit]
Actually pretty cute
>> No. 25401 [Edit]
It was even more confusing for the others because English isn't the main language here.
>> No. 25407 [Edit]
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One year, we were playing bingo in health class with prizes. The first 5 people to get a row got a little bag full of candy, and the first person to fill out their entire board got a mystery prize. The game ended and everybody who didn't win either got some candy bar. I got the grand prize, a large bag with something inside of it. I was a little happy about it. I got home and opened it up. The only thing inside were some pretzels, a few stickers, and a pencil.
>> No. 25418 [Edit]
A few years ago I started going to the gym a lot, monitoring my diet and doing my best to get into shape. I was really tired of being small and weak and pathetic. Somebody asked me why I spend so much time at the gym and I told them “because I want to be the best”. They told me “but you’ll never be the best so why bother”. Disappointed that I didn’t realize in the moment how awful that person was and kept talking to them for a few months, but the interaction stuck with me
>> No. 25497 [Edit]
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Once in highschool english, the teacher presented us with a couple scenariors ending in the question, what would you do? We had to share with everybody after thinking about it. Supposedly our answers reflected some psychological desire or percetion. The last scenario was something like, if you walked along a road and reached a body of water, such as a stream or a lake, what would you do? The first thing that came to my mind immediately was "stay as far away as possible". I thought that made no sense, so I changed my answer to "walk along its edge". The teacher then revealed that the body of water respresents intimacy.
>> No. 25498 [Edit]
I was crawling under some table made of glass and my mother was talking to a dark haired woman in a white nightgown. Apparently this happened around the time I was 18 months old. To be honest I don't have many "random" memories because I have a pretty clear memory from my 2nd birthday on. I remember waking up that morning and wondering if this was when I would start being aware of everything. And then of course I was so aware of this little mental game for the next 5 years that I didn't forget anything.
>> No. 25499 [Edit]
This makes me remember things that make my blood boil
>> No. 25500 [Edit]
When I was around eleven years old, I went to the local playground swing where I spent time alone and talked to myself as usually. A girl came to me and she was amused by my habit of talking to myself.
>> No. 25516 [Edit]
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I've always hated gifts. Find it ridiculous how most people fake altruism on specific dates and events. Until one day when my mother saw my figurine collection. She went on her way and a few days later came to give me pic related.
"To clean your dolls".
Apparently it's one of those MLM brands which a work colleague of her was affiliated to. No matter; I was touched since that was the first, and so far the only time I witness a present given intentionally, from pure generosity with "no strings attached".
>> No. 25519 [Edit]
That's a warming anecdote. Thank you for sharing.
>> No. 25523 [Edit]
Just curious, they are actually dolls or figurines?
>> No. 25527 [Edit]
Initially she made a surprised expression, but then had that "i'm happy as long as you're happy look".
They're figurines. I figure she doesn't know that's a word.
>> No. 25623 [Edit]
I almost cried reading this. I hope you can create some nice memories for yourself to remember and relate to later anon.
>> No. 25624 [Edit]
I wrote down a few memories in my notebook recently as I was feeling a little down on my birthday and decided to try to think of one memory for each year of my life, to try and figure out when in my life I was happy. I only made notes but I'll expand on some of them here when I feel like it since I have a few I think are worth a mention.

>11: walking home from school, I fail to interact with people who were interested in talking to me.
It's my first year in this school and everybody seems to know my name, but I only know the names of people who are close to me. I remember in particular these two girls who would often call my name and catch up with me because they wanted to talk to me. I didn't even know if they were in my year, or the same age, or how they knew my name. I was always so nervous that I didn't know what to say, as they were quite pretty. Sometimes I thought they were asking me things to try and make fun of me, but I wasn't sure. I had particularly low self esteem at the time so I thought pretty girls must only be talking to an ugly boy like me as a joke. Now I think this wasn't the case and I just thought so because being nervous triggered my defensive fight or flight instincts. If I had spoken more to them we might have even become friends. I was walking home alone with headphones on one time. I was enjoying the music and didn't really want to talk, I wasn't really in the moment or aware of my surroundings except for crossing the road; sometimes I would even walk past my house for 20 minutes because I was lost in thought. I didn't notice until it was too late that I was walking quite fast and had just walked right up to the two girls and a third person although I don't remember it was a boy or a girl, just that they were tall and a bit intimidating. I'll just call them "tall guy." After taking off my headphones out of politeness and the usual greetings, I started to get irritated at the slow pace they were walking at and although I felt comfortable talking to the girls, I just wanted to get away from tall guy and walk home fast so I could have more time to play video games. When they were talking to each other, I had the idea to put the headphones back on and walk away quickly while they weren't looking. This went about as well as you would expect.
They joked about me power walking because I had put on my headphones and how I was in the zone and didn't notice I was walking away. They thought it was really funny and forgot whatever it was they were discussing. Now I was the center of attention and totally embarassed. One of the girls came to the conclusion that I could only walk fast if I had both my headphones in. She played with me a bit by keeping on taking my left headphone out and putting it back in to activate my power walk mode but then try to slow me down by reaching and taking it off just as I was about to leave their invisible sphere of interaction. I played along because it was some harmless fun but mainly because I wanted to walk faster to escape and hopefully get away with it being a joke so I didn't have to take responsibility for being rude. My one-track-mind just saw the purpose of walking as to simply reach home as fast as possible, not considering the possible advantages of social opportunity.
I later got a cheap scooter for this purpose.
To this day I still feel bewilderingly embarassed thinking about that "power walk" moment and having ever owned a scooter.

This website might be of interest to some people ITT. You anonymously write memories based off a stimulus and try to analyze how a person's personality is from their writing. Then it agregates the scores given by people to supposedly give an accurate analysis of your ego.
>> No. 25625 [Edit]
No, they were definitely making fun of you. People don't just decide to take interest in a person they have nothing in common with. Either they feel pity for you, are briefly fascinated by your abnormality and then loose interest, or some combination of the two. Bothering a person you don't know and acting like you know them is obviously going to make that person uncomfortable, but they don't actually care about your feelings if they're just looking for entertainment. You becoming part of their group was never a possibility. If you were normal enough, they'd just ignore you instead of taking momentary interest. Adults don't care about playing those kinds of games with people, so they mostly ignore abnormal people unless they need money or something.

Post edited on 27th May 2020, 2:48pm
>> No. 25626 [Edit]
Thanks for giving me some clarity in my dumb memory. This actually helps me.
True, I think you have a point that people generally don't take interest in other people with nothing in common. in this instance, I think they were making fun of me, but that's partly because they wanted to impress tall guy. I was 11 so I don't remember for sure, but I had previously assumed I was just too lazy to learn peoples' names as I didn't even know the names of people in my class. However you are starting to convince me that in fact they were just pretending to know me, possibly since they heard about my weirdness from other people. Now I think about it, this wasn't an isolated event either. I remember in particular in college having some kind of girls' group chat "fan club" about me where they'd just take pictures of me when I wasn't looking and post it in their group chat. And since becoming an adult, indeed I have mostly been ignored by other adults, which I prefer to be honest. This fits with your idea. Thank you. Guess I'll just expect less from people now.
>> No. 25627 [Edit]
>Adults don't care about playing those kinds of games with people, so they mostly ignore abnormal people unless they need money or something.
They do care very much and they like to fuck with abnormal people just for fun.
>> No. 25628 [Edit]
>they'd just take pictures of me when I wasn't looking and post it in their group chat
That's awful. You must have gone to a small place then.
When they have the time and nothing else is occupying their attention, which isn't as common as it is for kids. Internet "influencers" aren't an accurate representation of the average working adult.
>> No. 25629 [Edit]
In my school they even had a prize for abnormal people, something like "loser of the year" among all students, I think it was sponsored by the school itself.
Of course I won, but at least I didn't have to go to the ceremony.

Maybe you thought it was your fault because you weren't nice enough? That's what I've been told multiple times, that I had a problem of "attitude". But I think that line of thought just fucks the individual with conflictive ideas. I was lucky and I was completely ignored after high school, college included. I think at some point you start to scare or bother normal people more than being the laughing stock. Some workmate told another (not in front of me) that I was the kind of guy that any day could appear at work with an axe and start killing people. I like being seen like that for once, and I'm an absolute weakling who couldn't hurt a fly.
>> No. 25630 [Edit]
I don't know any internet influencers. I knew a shitton of working adults. Their always-busy lifestyle is superficial, an appearance they choose to conform with the 9-5 culture. Yes, they will always act busy if you need their assistance. In reality they're never too busy to miss an opportunity to execute a well placed jab. In terms of working I've never met anyone whose priority was their performance. In fact the vast majority puts most of their energy into social maneuvering and inventing ways of stretching out their tasks to the limits of possibility. As long as they appear productive to others and to themselves it doesn't matter if anyone's doing any real work. Let me assure you, not even operating dangerous machinery is important enough for a normal to skip a chance to fuck with the local reject.
People don't change, high school never ends. The 'adults' only learned to camouflage their baseline pettiness, greed, cruelty and fear with socially sanctioned repertoire of actions, attitudes and language.


So what does it do? I can't find any details anywhere.
How exactly does it work? What were your assignments? How did you choose to go about completing them? How were you rated? What did you get out of it?
Does it offer any help to those who suffer or is it just another game devised to satisfy the normals' voyeuristic curiosity?
>> No. 25631 [Edit]
Have you worked in a place wih deadlines and clients? What about hr? Are they useless? The possibility of a lawsuit should have some effect.

I'm going through the emisary thing currently. Will post results.
>> No. 25633 [Edit]
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I don't know. Not a big place, but not tiny. It did make me very self-conscious but I felt kind of flattered.

>In my school they even had a prize for abnormal people, something like "loser of the year"
That's fucked up. Commisarations.
>That's what I've been told multiple times, that I had a problem of "attitude".
me too. I think we are similar.

>The 'adults' only learned to camouflage their baseline pettiness, greed, cruelty and fear with socially sanctioned repertoire of actions, attitudes and language.
Yeah I agree with this.

>So what does it do? I can't find any details anywhere.
supposedly gives you a very accurate and objective analysis of your personality after you finish all 5 stages, according to a few people.
>How exactly does it work? What were your assignments? How did you choose to go about completing them?
you are given a stimulus to describe a memory, and you must write in detail and in the present tense. For example "Recall a moment of betrayal by a friend. When or where is it happening? Describe the moment in detail..." between 600-1600 characters in length. Some of them are quite challenging but spending time reflecting can be quite useful in itself.

afterwards, you are given 3-4 other peoples' anonymous submissions and you rate them by 2 sliders with seemingly unrelated adjectives. The idea is supposed to be that you are looking at their tone or writing style or something as well as the actual content of their memory. So for example I was asked to analyse a story about someone who was misdiagnosed with migraine but refused treatment. The 2 sliders were between "nururing - angry" and "agreeable - cautious."
It encourages you to decide this out of pure "gut feeling" about the writer rather than really thinking about each one for a long time. You get a more detailed preface when you make an account, recommended to use a burner email.
>How were you rated? What did you get out of it?
I have only finished part 1 out of 5 and just came back to it after a while, so it doesn't really make much sense so far. You probably need to finish all 5 to get a complete analysis. I think it would be worth it just to see if it's accurate as it's quite an interesting but bizarre idea. See pic related. Seems like since quarantine everywhere, the actual memories of other people you get to read are slightly less interesting which is a shame. The categories are hidden until you reach them. Clicking the question mark gives you a summary of what the scale means:
>Behavior evolved as a fuzzy control system to optimize reproduction and survival (at least in so far as survival aided reproduction).

>However, long before even rudimentary consciousness needed to evolve, an entity had to feed and to avoid environmental dangers. This called for action upon the environment (dominance) and retreat to safety (submission).

>A measure of both is required in all motile creatures, but in a fundamental way this general outlook colors many other more complex behaviors.

So the scoring of "meek - arrogant" that you give people is actually an analysis of their "urge to control" but it doesn't tell you until you get your score for that section.

>Does it offer any help to those who suffer?
It is not intended to offer help or advice, it simply gives you some kind of algorithm driven analysis based on the data it is given, which you can use however you like and may or may not help you. Kind of makes sense as the data is supposedly based on peoples' initial subconscious response to your self-expression, which is similar to how people react in real life.
>or is it just another game devised to satisfy the normals' voyeuristic curiosity?
I would say somewhat, but it is not very well known amongst normals as far as I know. However, this doesn't really matter if you do it just to find out about yourself, and at best it just attracts more users which it needs in order to function. The way it works doesn't just let anyone read what you write like a forum. You can only read other peoples' memories once you finish writing a task, then after you see 3 or 4 memories you must write another before you can continue. It is very linear. You also need an account before you can enter, and people who fill the boxes with random characters just to see other peoples' writing can be reported and do get banned liberally. I haven't seen any spam posts so far, so it seems to act as a good barrier to voyeurs and forces people to contribute.
>> No. 25635 [Edit]
That kind of stuff makes me remember of this;
I have a natural distrust of tests and personality cathegories, I did some research and it's supposedly based on something Jung wrote and some people say it works so well but I still suspect it has more to do with pseudo-science, tests from vapid magazines and the usual HR bullshit. If civilization doesn't go to shit I think someday this will be seen as the phrenology of our era. Or maybe phrenology will return, I think there's some voices advocating for that right now.
>> No. 25636 [Edit]
At school boys used to joke around with me and try to talk to me and try to get me to open up but it never worked and they gave up but they were never cold to me(they would have just thought I was odd and left it at that). Girls tried talking to me too but gave up as well. I don't think they were even malicious and I don't know that they talked behind my back. In my adult life however, people might be reasonably amiable initially but they get much colder later on, they don't insult me but they are passive aggressive and can sometimes be slightly rude or hostile but only slightly. Yet then they talk about me behind my back and can be quite rude. Another thing regarding that, I say something to them about some health related topic or something historical or political and they will seem like they are perfectly fine with it and not offended at all but then next day another fellow will tell me that they were actually really angered by it and were telling everybody that if I said that again they would hit me. I will then deliberately talk about that same thing with them later on and again, they will be perfectly calm and normal, as if they had never said they were going to hit me at all. Adults can be quite two faced.

Was your birthday recently before that post as in a few days? We may share the same birthday if so.
>> No. 25637 [Edit]
What do you mean by open up? Did you ingore them, or was your response to them somehow "closed off"?

Post edited on 29th May 2020, 10:05am
>> No. 25638 [Edit]
Same as high school adult social life seems to be a perpetual war, just more subtle. I have seen it pretty much everywhere, specially at workplaces but also in the family and others.
What I don't understand is how so much people can live like that, it's stressing and exhausting, it takes nowhere. I can even understand better the kind person that likes real war or political conflict, there can be some epic on it, but just an eternal loop of petty fights with everyone? I guess it's because I lack of testosterone, estrogens or whatever shit.
>> No. 25639 [Edit]
They would make jokes, banter about things, ask questions and just generally try to include me in things. Back then I was not closed off, I just didn't really know how to actually talk to them so my responses were generally short but then later in school I did become closed off and they gave up.

Yeah, but regarding politics and war, maybe if you are involved with people that are in politics or something else that is bigger than themselves or that takes a lot of their energy then maybe those kinds of people would be less likely to do this kind of thing. I think that people that are more confidant are less likely to as well, gossiping and putting people down seems more like something that people would do to make themselves feel better about themself or appear better to their peers.
>> No. 25640 [Edit]
This brings me back. My entire youth was with people interacting with me in absolutely abnormal ways and me questioning whether they were in earnest or trying to fuck with me, since it's a memory thread have this:
I was at someone's birthday, in a pizzeria. I had just changed schools after a very serious bullying incident and was trying my very best to not get bullied this time, and become popular and all that. Anyway, there were many guys there and one or other girls, probably parents of the guy who was celebrating, and most were classmates, almost all boys from class were there. I was sat facing the wall, and there were some other tables behind me. People began ordering their pizzas, and I had eaten the first slice or so, when I am approached by a couple (3 or so) of much older girls (I was 11-12, so they must have been 15-17, or even more), they were good looking and I think they were celebrating as well, being dressed with heels, and more good-looking clothing. They began asking asking me things, like my name, my age, and they seemed to do so with a very condescending voice, laughing a bit, I think they took a picture of me also. To this day I have not a single idea what was all that about.
I mean, they literally left their group, went to our group, approach a guy by his back, so no previous eye contact or anything, and talked to me in such a weird way. Did they think I was cute? With ridiculous looking clothes?(I had gone to the birthday with a unfortunate choice of attire).
I wish I could rewatch the incident in a TV or something, to reanalyse the situation. I have a very good memory, even remember the flavours of pizza random guys from that day ordered, and what they talked about, and of many persons quantity eaten, but these situations that make blood run fast, I can't do as much good, but other people were completely astounded by this happening, with their unbelieving expression.
>> No. 25645 [Edit]
When I first moved out, every once in a while I'd take the bus back home, to visit my parents, and my cats. The trip was just two hours long, but I could use the time to listen to all my Reitaisai albums, and other music I enjoyed, on my old mp3 player. The ride was never full, usually just me a half a dozen of people spread through the bus. I would spend the trip looking through the window at the somewhat boring landscape of flat grasslands, farms and the occasional small city. Each time of the day gave the ride a different feeling, dawn, day, dusk, night, and transformed the landscape, and I memorized all those images. It felt delicate, comfortable. I was not in a good place at that time, but looking back, I miss it, there is a bittersweet nostalgia. As bad as it was then, it was the last I ever felt this comfort. It's never as bad now, but all the beauty of life disappeared together with it.

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