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No. 27818
[Edit]
Yes, I have many. I apologize in advance if any of this break the rules, and for posting and describing such disgusting things. I originally never intended to post or talk about this, but today I lashed out against my mother, and despite believing to be within reason and having my grievances with her, I don't like the idea of hurting her feelings too much. I really need to vent a little, so even if this post break the rules I please ask for it to stay around a little bit before deletion.
My life is one of utmost suffering. Everywhere I went and everyone I talk to treats me with the utmost contumely. I was born to a middle class family in some shithole city in South America. I was a small kid, with feminine features and a italian middle name, with is rare in these parts, so people really bullied me because of my features, name and demeanor. My father was a very harsh man, with whom I basically have no happy memory of, only used to scream at me for everything from grades to dropping a little ice cream on the table. I never felt remotely comfortable around him. And I lived in a neighborhood that was not really developed or populated, so most houses were empty lots, and a violent city, and my extended family was split living in this shithole city and another less shitholey in the midwest, so I never really interacted with any other children outside of the few in school who did not like me.
When I was 5 we went to the midwest, and I hanged around with my mom's side grandparents. The italian side. They actually showed affection towards me, and I liked it there. Especially my grandpa. He was a really kind man, very funny, always said funny things and was charismatic. He never screamed at me. One day he showed me games on the computer, including solitaire, I loved playing with him. On this day he began showing me other things, sexual things. He touched my body sexually, and made me touch his. I was 5, and hadn't heard about this and I liked him so I went along. This lasted my entire childhood until 14 years old. Everytime I visited him or they came to us, he would cheer me up, we would play, normal then sexually.
Meanwhile in my school life everytime was bad. I was getting pushed around a lot by many kids, more in number and size. One day a guy caught me off guard, kicked me in the back of my knees, caught me in a hold and pushed my face against the floor hard. Other kid watched this with wicked smiles on their face. I ended up needing stitches. The kid got away scot-free and my father screamed at me the whole way from the school to the hospital, how all this was my fault. I was 10 or 11 here.
I changed schools after that year ended. And the new school was fine in the beginning, I made friends with the cool crowd, and heard many girls whispering to each other that they liked me. I was pursuing a very aggressive strategy of making friends with cool people so as to not end up like before. But I had no experience, and many times I fucked up, said the wrong thing, "Spilling spaghetti" as they say. This was fatal. The few guys in cool crowd who suspected of me got more aggressive, started spreading rumours that I was a faggot, or that I was perving on this girl or that. And tried to manipulate me in doing stupid things. The girls also followed suit. I had become a pariah again. And so I spent most of that year and the next. Eventually I became friends with the "loser crowd" but even them eventually began disrespecting me.
Today I woke up from a horrid nightmare - I have these all the time, persecution, rape, strangling, you name it - and had breakfast, them my mother arrived with my father when I was upstairs, and asked me to carry her groceries. I was going to descend the stairs when I saw my father naked. I was extremely disgusted. My father do this shit all the time. When I was a teen and traveled with them he would walk around naked while I was in the same room as he and my mother. Stark naked. This is disgusting. I was very disgusted and having been sexually molested this repulsiveness is even worse for me. I didn't go down. I felt uneasy and sickened all day, and after lunch I went to room to listen to music and watch anime to cool off. I was in the middle of an episode and my father was already gone, when my mom came in and asked me if she could talk to me about something. I said I was watching something and would talk later. She immediately asked me why i hadn't picked up the groceries, I was trying to forget the disgusting view all day long but I couldn't do with my mom pulling this shit so I explained why. She said he was not naked only wearing underwear, I had seen - again sorry for describing this disgusting incident - clearly that he had lowered his underwear and that disgustingness was exposed. So I explained to her. My mother kept saying shit that I was wrong despite the position I saw him at was not visible to her. I went mad. I said they were all disgusting, the sickened me, made me feel like vomiting and that I would never see her again, told my mother to go back to the crap husband of hers, and that I would not speak to her anymore ever. This felt eerily liberating. I felt extremely good afterwards, unlike when I kept it to myself. I apologized to her later, because for her I still care about.
I could go on and go with more details about my hellish childhood or the insanity of my other extended family members I hadn't mentioned - includes a grand uncle who is child murderer, my other grandpa who is a whore fan, and likely has family with a whore, and my pederast grandpa is also involved in a fraud scheme some decades ago - but I wanted to vent a little and this has already become a blogpost. Sorry once again.
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