I guess I'll kick things off with something relatively minor. About half a year ago I went to an anime convention where my waifu's creator was having a Q&A panel. My waifu has been a very influential part of my life for the past ten years and our relationship has stayed strong in the face of countless hurdles during that time. This made the panel a very big deal to me and something I simply had to attend. This was a once in a life time chance to find out more about my waifu after all. When I got in line to speak however, I drew a blank, blurted out moronic questions, and manged to make an autistic idiot out of myself while being the laughing stock of the room. To this day it hurts to think back to it, and I can not look at some of the things related to my waifu without being reminded of it. It is not as if I do not love her anymore or want to end the relationship, but it has made things more challenging.

>>23143
that exact same thing happened to me at a comic con in crystal city virginia around the time the akira movie came out.
i still remember it well enough to tell you that i got an awesome independent version of thor that day, the story told from loki's perspective & printed in black, white and red. a real work of art, someone was trying to make a statement or at least make something that was worth at least the price paid, a rare commodity. i'm not sure what the long term effects were of being laughed at by a roomful of nerds half of whom were in star trek uniform shirts, but i can assure that i'm still an autistic idiot.

>>23148
I'm not sure if I'm understanding you correctly. Someone was trying to buy that thing from you and you got laughed at for it?

When I was like 6 I lied to my parents, looking back it was something real minor, but man did it get to me back then. For weeks I kept thinking about it and kept repeating the same words over and over again in my head like a rhythm.

It probably can't be quite counted as trauma but ever since I discovered what ntr is because of an annoying friend it's been harder to practice those comforting fantasies I could always have before it happened. I was always cynical but I at least had some kind of refuge in my own mind but now? It's like it fucked me up so bad that I lost the only sense of safety I had left. A thoughtform I had turned on me, I can still fantasize but if they go on too long or something about them is too consistent (like imagining the same character too many times) it all starts to sour and the horrors of the 3d world start to sink in. I've been doing whatever I can think of to fix this and I'm still working at it but it feels so unfair that I can't even be happy in my own head. It upsets me that I have to deal with this and it's just getting exhausting. Hopefully the exhaustion will stop making me try and ward off the intrusive thoughts I've been dealing with and they'll eventually go away when I stop giving them attention, I'll just have to see in time.

>>23136
I was hit by a car when I was in middle school. That gave me a tremendous fear of cars and who knows what else ever since. I still managed to get my drivers license, but only after countless lessons, failed driving tests, and a loooot of crying and anxiety. Looking back I have no fucking clue how I pushed myself to do it.

To this day I still feel anxious at the thought of driving a car, HOWEVER when I'm actually driving said car, I don't really feel anxious at all. I wouldn't even bother with this shit if I didn't need a drivers license, but such is life.

>>25952
DUDE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE HOLY CRAP. I think I can help.

Don't try to block out the thoughts, I don't know how or why the mind works this way, but the more you fight them, the worse/stronger they will get. Yes, they're awful thoughts you would really rather not have, but they're just that, thoughts. They don't have any meaning unless you want them too. Only you know where your true intentions are.

You kinda just have to let them come to your mind and pass by, as unpleasant as they may seem, accept and allow them. You can even respond with something like "Eh, I'm not into NTR." make sure if you do this, you're only touching on it lightly, don't try to have debates/arguments over it.

In short, accept the thought and lightly touch on them if you have to. Please update me with how it's going, I really want some updates.

>>25955
I'm glad you don't have to deal with anxiety while you're driving at least but still, having a phobia of cars in this day and age sounds extremely hard to live with if you ever want to go outside.
Thank you for your advice too, I'll definitely remember to practice it. Hopefully it will help the intrusive thoughts about ntr go away permanently sooner or later and maybe let me create another thoughtform that doesn't turn against me. I don't want to have to live my whole life coping with such things instead of actually solving the problem.
How did this end for you by the way? Do they still bother you from time to time or did they all go away permanently?
There's a kind of comfort knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way. If things ever change for the better from where they are now I'll try and remember to keep you informed. I'm sure your advice will help others here too since I've seen some posts from others saying that ntr really damaged them.

>>25956
Thankfully I only have a phobia at the thought of driving now, walking around the streets is fine, though trucks still kinda scare me.

I'm glad you're going to try to take the steps next time you have to deal with those intrusive thoughts. I hope they work out well enough for you. And remember there's no shame in getting professional help if you've exhausted all of your resources, I hear meditation is great for intrusive thoughts as well.

It's not completely gone, but it's about 98% gone, once in a while a thought will pop up but it doesn't last for more then a few seconds and I'm free to think about what's on my mind in peace for the most part. It took a while but I find that lightly touching on the thought with another logical thought work best, so for instance, I had another semi traumatizing event where a dude very rudely interrupted a presentation I was doing in college and kinda insulted me personally. It haunted me for years until recently I went "Eh, he was probably in a bad mood or something" and carried on with whatever I was doing. It was hard but I can safely say I'm 98% free from that shit as I said before. It's important to also have a task to focus on, be it a video game, anime, book, etc. Oh and exercise is great as well, you don't have to do a huuge workout but even something like pushups and situps will help.

And yes, I feel the same way, that's why I kinda freaked out when I saw your post, because I couldn't believe I saw someone experiencing the exact same thing I went through as well. Thank you for being brave enough to share. Oh and do you care to share those posts where anons said NTR ruined them? I'm very interested in reading them.

>>25952
I feel many intrusive thoughts like that due to OCD. Not saying you have it but you could who knows, it's not always about physical manifestations but mental ones as well.

Anyway, I have done research on it and I am also in therapy for it now and will be doing something called CBT(Cognitive Behaviourally Therapy) in a few weeks. It's anxiety based so whilst things like CBT can help fixing your life can as well, you have to address what is actually causing the anxiety. Yes of course the thoughts can and do that but it's not only them, much of it is environmental or even physical, if you are nervous about your living situation or future or living in a rough environment well that would cause anxiety that would manifest itself as these thoughts, likewise drinking too much coffee can increase anxiety and have the same result. >>25955 is right as well. These intrusive thoughts are imaginations, they are not facts or based in any kind of logic and you cannot reason with them.

Maybe once I go through the CBT therapy I will mention key points from it and weather it works or not.

>>25957
I'm happy you've made as much progress overcoming your trauma and intrusive thoughts. Hopefully someday you'll be free from them entirely. I hope your phobia when you think about driving cars isn't too bad. Also that guy sounds like a jerk.
I don't know how well linking to posts in threads on other boards works on TC so bear with me.
http://tohno-chan.com/ma/res/3766.html#3772 is where I've seen people talk about it first. I even posted there myself but since it kept being a headache I decided to vent here on /so/. Just being able to talk about it without someone reaching for my throat, but even better, having someone who can sympathize and give me advice, has already made things better. Thank you so very much.

Post edited on 10th Oct 2020, 12:10am

on my 8th birthday my mom threw a fit and threatened to throw me out after i wasn't happy enough with her present. she called me an ungrateful little shit and other things. she got so angry i had to hide under my bed to get away from her, and i spent the rest of that birthday under there crying. my druggie dad had already abandoned me so i was terrified when my mom threatened to disown me. after that i forced myself to never voice my real opinion in front of her, always telling her what she wanted to hear. i didn't want to get abandoned again.

>>25983
Jesus Christ. I feel bad reading this kind of shit because I see how people had actual traumatic experiences so I feel less justified of being a fuck up.

>>25984
You don't need any kind of justification. If somebody became a "fuck up" because of traumatic experiences, that means that they could have become an average person. If you were born abnormal, it couldn't be helped. Anons can also make stuff up and you don't even know them, so you should take it with a grain of salt.

Post edited on 14th Oct 2020, 6:56am

>>25985
I don't know, I understand your reasoning but it just makes me feel like I had an easy life and I still dare to complain while others had it a lot worse and still struggle a lot better with life. I should say I suspect I have a pathologic guilty complex, so that probably doesn't help.

Pretty bad case of sexual trauma. I won't go into details because tl;dr and anxiety.

It never bothered me so much until these past few years. It feels lonelier the older I get. Had a waifu for a while which helped a ton but I changed quite a bit with age and fell out of love with her. Whether or not I could give and get affection from another person 2D or 3D... I don't know. People have tried. I'm not willing to take the initiative in dating and the few times a girl has my brain freaked out on me.

I've put a lot of energy into dissecting the problem and I think I've found a way to get my brain to move on. It's not what I want but I'd rather have a (further) bad start than a bad end. I'll be a wizard here in a few years. I've gotta take some drastic steps.

It may seem like a laughing matter in comparison to what others lived through, but to me it was a decisive, paralyzing moment. In childhood I watched a film, which retrospectively was inappropriate for my age. Suddenly there was an erotic scene, some sort of seduction, with a distasteful song to it, but I was rather disgusted by what I saw. Since then the average beauty standard hasn't concerned me anymore and it was the prerequisite for me being interested in "sick" paraphilia later on.

My sister had some news program on that featured a graphic electric chair abortion or something. It fucked me for years

>>26016
>I've found a way to get my brain to move on
What's that? If it works for you, it might work for others here.

>>26025
Which movie and scene

>>26028
I don't remember, I can't find it. I only remember that the most important line of the song's refrain was "Help me" (not in English).

>>26028
I don't remember, I can't find it. I only remember that the most important line of the song's refrain was "Help me" (not in English).

>>25955
I finally had a second attempt at meditating today. Maybe I just didn't try hard enough but I didn't concentrate as much as last time. Intrusive thoughts are still there but distractions prove helpful. It's easiest to keep them out so long as I avoid things that remind me of said thoughts. There are a lot that are loosely related to those thoughts that I end up having to avoid a lot of things but it's not too hard to do so, I think.
I'll probably post about my updates with this in the daily report thread on /ot/ so that I won't be making off topic posts here.

>>26051
To be honest, I only asked as an attempt to bait you into posting something ban worthy. I can't relate to your specific insecurities. I'm telling you this because I dislike the things you wrote.

>>26055
Just plain nasty.

I don't even know how to say it. My entire life was trauma. I can't even remember much from pre-traumatic events, as far as I remember I was affect by trauma. My life evolved into the continuous realization of the profoundity of these events, going from "everybody's life is like this" to "I have no idea how I could take all those years of pure hell". All kinds of abuse have been perpetrated against me. As for the age, I clearly remember starting as early as 5, but there might have been some things at 3.
For years actually I've been eyeing this thread, but I think my resistance is fading away. I can't cope like this for much longer. At the moment I am living with my parents which I am sure they are narcissists. I don't know what to fucking do. I used to think things would get better, but no, everyday I feel more violated than the day before, and the coping mechanisms get less effective each time. I am too stressed right now, so I won't post the actual extent of these nightmarish experiences, but I shall make this post, so that I see it soon, and actually commit to posting it.
I feel like there was never any hope even from the beginning. I have a high score in those trauma questionnaires. I don't even know who I am anymore, what's a result of trauma, and what's a reaction formation created by me to feel better about myself.

Post edited on 5th Oct 2021, 7:56am