>>27796
Excuse me, but she's a Carl's Jr. girl.

>>27796
Yes I still go to subway sometimes. It hasn't really changed much.

I never stopped coming here and got better. I'm not a NEET anymore at least.

I don't know if I'd say I got better, but I'm working now. I don't really interact with others beyond gestures and other non-verbal communications unless I have to speak, as I have a bad sense of speaking volume and have to repeat myself a lot.
I doubt I'll leave TC anytime soon if ever, though I don't post quite as much. Better that way. I think my posts can be a bit obnoxious.

nah got worse, so bad I couldn't be here anymore at all cause of being homeless. Got a bit better later and now I'm back heh

>>27796
I got here in 2010, only stayed here frequently (daily) until 2014. Just came back to check if this site is still up and what cool stuff is going on.
I turned 30 a few days ago, already have the American dream wife/kids/house/career.
Didn't get mentally better, I just goalfagged my way to where I am now. In my head I have not changed since then. So for your question, a little bit of both.
If anyone has a good enough memory or autistically saves logs, I was GuMaGo on IRC.
If anyone wants ezmode life advice, all you have to do is complete actuary exams and have money thrown at you. If you're decent at math it can be done and gives you a videogame style goal oriented progress scale. I made fellow two years ago.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

>>27943
>/wife/kids/
God, you're dense. There's nothing for you here.
>actuary
>statistics and mathematics to assess economic risk
Sounds like a prime target for automation.

>>27943
Was wondering why this anon was banned so fast and found it in the rules:
"We don't want to hear about your wife/3DPD/friends/kids. so don't post about it."

>>27946
That's pretty much the number one rule on this site (and along with it, no posting 3D).

>>27944
>Sounds like a prime target for automation.
But in the meantime, one can make decent money.

>>27946
Perhaps you should have read the rules before posting here if this was somehow surprising to you

>>27946
>- /so/ is exempted to a degree, as the board deals heavily in personal issues.
Seemed relevant to me.

I did. I used to post here years and years and years ago. I was addicted to the internet, text and imageboards and was well known on Tohno-chan. Time went on and I just started to drift away from things like that. I graduated university, worked some jobs, now I do my own thing as an artist. I'm still pretty broken in so many ways but I've done so many things I would have never, ever fathomed: accomplished a lot with art, travelled to many countries for fun, fell in love sometimes then out of love, found new hobbies and just overall started to leave indelible marks on this world as a person.

I never forgot about websites like this, being a NEET, all the people I met here/elsewhere, the endless chats on IRC, the vidya games, the anime and all the other stuff. While I drifted away from boards such as these, they remained in my memory and recently I started to check things out again. I was pleased to see Tohno-chan was still around (because SO MANY boards I used 2003-2010 have died) and was like...oh hell yeah. And I see it hasn't changed one bit, which is wonderful.

So yeah, I guess I got better and it shows anyone can. I was FUCKED UP. Like holy shit, one of the most broken individuals in these corners of the internet. I won't say who I was but if I did, there would be people who would say "wow yeah he was insane". I suspect most would think I died years ago. All it took for me is just getting bored with the life I had. It's not that there was any desire to get better (maybe subconsciously, though). I just got tired of playing the same old video games...anime started to get worse...I had more growing interests (philosophy, art, literature, music) that informed me of things and so I just stopped caring so much about being ronery, a lazy NEET and had desires to do things which compelled me to start working as a wage slave to achieve what I wanted.

I'm still ronery and a gamer and love anime and weird shit on the internet, but I also love more than that so I definitely got better. But here I am, still, years later, because I still love places like these. At the end of the day, life shouldn't be taken too seriously. It is what it is. It sucks a lot, but it can also be pretty cool. Seek out ways to achieve those cool things you want and go for it. What do you have to lose, right? If all you want to achieve is refreshing imageboards and sitting on the internet, that's fine too, just stay happy while you do it. But if there are holes that you feel you need to fill, try to fill them. You won't achieve everything you want or how you want, but it really doesn't matter much anyway. One day you'll be old and should be able to say to yourself as you're dying: life had some awful moments but in the end, I enjoyed a lot of it and you'll go out with all those fun memories.

>>27796
It fluctuates for me, like I checked up on here after falling into NEEThood again. I typically tried to avoid /so/ and boards like it because I'm trying to be more positive.
Tohno-chan always makes me feel kind of guilty, as I feel the closest with the users and staff here, but I slide off and don't contribute activity for long periods of time. I will try harder to keep this community going this year.

I sort of got better, but I've mostly always been a lurker, and I still come back from time to time. Only thing I can say is that I don't think people or life itself are nearly as cruel as people here often believe. I wish there was more I could say, but I think it'd just read as platitudes or border on breaking the rules. There's hope of a happy life for any anon who wants it though, I'm sure of it.

>>27943
>>27951
>>27953
Are these the same person? You be the judge.
https://ws.clarin-pl.eu/show/services?results=/requests/cluto/ead063e4-4722-452a-b0d4-e92e5984dd04&lang=en

>>27954
How do I interpret that heatmap? Diagonal should have the highest correlation, so assuming red = high auto/cross correlation, and thus {1, 3} have high similarity? Although {1, 2} show as green when they blatantly repeat the same story so I wouldn't put much stock in that particular analysis. (If anything if I had to wager I'd say 3 probably isn't 1/2, but I don't want to turn this into a witch hunt: post 3 is perfectly fine anyhow.)

>>27955
>and thus {1, 3} have high similarity?
Yes.
>they blatantly repeat the same story
It's based on language, not content.

>>27954

No. I'm >>27951 but I'm not the others. That post of mine was maybe the first or second I made here. I just happened to remember old textboards and imageboards, had some nostalgia, then checked to see if these old places were still around. I was glad to see Tohno-chan was still online after all this time.

>>27979
I can definitely tell where you're from.

Post edited on 23rd Jan 2023, 4:26pm

>>27796
Yeah, during my early 20s I realized that I wasn't doing the things I wanted and my life was pretty much as a shut in that only went out to work. So I decided to just do things and once you do it once subsequent attempts get easier, I literally just stopped caring, lots of things I was deathly afraid of now I think its not that big of a deal, like public speaking or talking to girls.

I realized that the problem was mostly the way i showed myself outside instead of Within so I just changed the way I behave and things fell into place, I still kept the opinions and the weird hobbies but I radically changed my appearance and way of talking to people and have found success so far.

I still do the niche website bookmark round up every day at work.

>>27796
Yes, I did end up leaving Neet/hikkidom after a 7 year streak. I was pretty much hopeless, couldn't drive, no job ever, treated by scorn by literally every person and creature, and I guess my posts were so pathetic some of posts on here were deleted by mods. My anxiety is manageable l, I've been distinguished in a handful of jobs, I have passions. Now, I am shooting towards working for myself. The majority of menial/blue-collar-workers are less than roaches to be brutally honest. No man is an island, but I really want to make myself as self-sufficient as possible. I still have interests in VN's and manga.

There are some absolute bastards disguised as human beings out there, but please, keep your heart open because there some wonderful people who almost make the wretched bearable. I know many things may seem impossible or inescapable to you right now, but you would be surprised how much progress you can make with le mindset or when life has you pinned up against the wall ready to rip your cheeks and you have no other choice. I wish you all the best, in earnest

>get better
paying your "taxes" on time so they can be put to use fueling the forever wars across all spectrums against anything that moves until nothing but gray goo is left?
theres no "better" to get to

>>28070
There's a few ongoing conflicts at the moment, but even with those in mind humanity is still at it's most peaceful it's ever been. Before nukes, everyone was constantly at war with everyone else.

>>28071
>pax atomica
things looked awfully peaceful except for "a few regional conflicts" leading up to the great trench war, too; the "concert of europe" was to keep the peace and stave off any major conflicts through fear of just how terrible such a cataclysm would be if (when) it broke out
at the other end of that conflict, which did indeed break out, came such wonderful concepts as "strategic" (terror) bombing campaigns, modern chemical warfare and little liberty-murdering gems like the espionage act to help "protect" the people from any emerging grassroots opposition to the travesty
automation is rapidly making the volatile masses woefully obsolete and so the great culling of our time has already begun, and the normie hordes are blindly cheering for it as always; they will keep cheering for it until it is too late to stop, and then they will begin cheering even harder or ELSE
at the end of this nightmare youll see autonomous hunter-killer droneswarms, total dismantling of even the pretense at liberty or equal justice in the name of "final victory", ai-powered thought policing and who knows what other horrors
all from the same sanctimonious psychos who spent the last few decades shrieking their lungs out over "microaggressions" and wounded pride; now those same "humanitarians" are feverishly beating the drums of ww3 because its fucking trendy

theres no "better" to get to

>>28070
They're already taxing you via inflation anyway to fund those wars. Not disagreeing, by the way, just supplementing.

>sorry for the long rambling

I was never a NEET nor a hikki, I had many instances where I would have dropped out were it not my parents pressuring and supporting me to keep going.
Frankly, I have no idea how I made it so far. I'm thankful to God for everything.

I still remember when I was 19, my room was full of trash and I stopped attending school for some months until my father was fed up with the absence letters he was receiving and decided to check on me.

I'm 29 yo now, and as much as memory goes, i've always been friendless (let's not talk about girls, I knew it was not for me since i was 12). I suffer from social anxiety, whenever I hear my name my heart races very fast.
Although, I've been the subject of harassement and mockery during much of my highschool time & at work, I think the social anxiety stems mainly from the isolation i've been living in.

I did attend college and I go to work to earn a living, but i simply cannot bond with people. I couldn't make one single friend (and I swear I am neither mean nor treacherous, and my distate of drama is so huge I refuse to create or partake in any drama).
When I am not working (week-ends or vacations), I don't go out of my flat (35 m²) unless there is absolutely nothing left to eat.

I think i've been punching above my weight, and it's likely there will be a correction of some sort later.

So yeah, to sum up, work life is alright. Personal life has never evolved.

Even though i've been trying to communicate with people lately, they simply have no impact on my loneliness. It's like there is a plexiglas wall between others and me.
I used to feel that people were strangers to me ... but what if it was me the stranger all along ?

Yeah I had chronic pain and took years trying different things to help myself, now I don't feel too bad and I'm moving to Japan to study. Weird how times change as I was trapped in my room for years in pain all the time totally unable to enjoy things.

Ironically i got more health issues so it's like fate wants to screw me but day to day I'm doing completely okay to be honest.

>>28074
>I did attend college and I go to work to earn a living
I am assuming you earned a degree? What is your job, if you don't mind me asking, broadly speaking? Might inspire me to make a career change, if you are now vocationally successful.

A set of hobbies I'm DEEPLY passionate in ended up being by "golden ticket" towards connection.

>>28090
I don't know if I am vocationally successful, I am fairly incompetent at my job and try my best to stay afloat.
As I neither received any kind of training, nor am I good at dealing with people.

I work in IT, mainly solving technical incidents and setting up interfaces for the company i work in.

I'm a psychotic 35 yo man that is still living with his parents after they thought it could be a good not help me pursue the career I had talent. I'm only waiting they die so I can sell the house, travel and kill myself in foreign country.
I never knew how emulate normalfag behavior, never enjoyed normalfag things and had terrible parents. And aside kill myself, there is nothing of good I can do with my life because I live in a really bad shithole from South America (Brazil).Some people, have it easy, and men like me, well... Men like only exist to turn into serial killers, spree killers, jihadists and stuff like that.

>>28092
Why sell the house ?
Check if you can rent it, take a small flat for yourself and live off passive income.

>I never knew how emulate normalfag behavior
We're in this together.

>>28092
I live in a really bad neighborhood, so, the rent can't be that high.
I believe I will kill myself soon because I can't sleep or eat properly and my body is getting really weak.

I want sleep, but my brain don't shutdown.

>>28091
Does Chat GPT and it's upcoming rivals have you concerned? Seems like if you're not particularly knowledgeable or do not have marked talent or experience in IT, many will be forced to resign to the menial workforce.

There's that argument that it will open new avenues of employment but that seems a bit optimistic...

>>28100
I don't know, I don't care tbh.
If i have to perform a menial work to bring food on the table, then I'll perform a menial work.

I am too mentally exhausted to get anxious over such things.

>>28101
>I am too mentally exhausted to get anxious over such things
I understand and empathize. Thank you for responding.

>>28100
>Does Chat GPT and it's upcoming rivals have you concerned
It lowers the bar for entry, so that it's not enough to be a mediocre api-gluing code monkey anymore. All the bootcamp CS people will get booted out. It also thins the market for content creators whose only job was to churn out mediocre content for companies to slap on things (like the corporate memphis/globohobo style artwork).

"Knowledge work" used to be the one last remaining option for people to make a decent living (hence why everyone and their dog wanted to go into STEM), but now that it's not enough to be above median, you have to be above 95 percentile, a lot of people likely quite physically don't have the intelligence required for it.

>many will be forced to resign to the menial workforce.
This is probably true. But on an individual level there's not much reason to worry, people are already squeezed pretty thin and the rat race can only continue so long as the rats believe there is cheese to be had. If people realize that there's no point participating in society anymore, you can expect some massive chaos. (There are already some seeds of this with lowered participation in workforce, lower birth rates, etc.)

>open new avenues of employment
I don't think it will. In previous cases, technology coincided with both an increase in population as well as an increase in physical resources available. This time however, LLMs can churn out digital content, but it's not yet clear that it will translate in a meaningful way to vast increases in physical resources. (If it did, we have reached the post-scarcity utopia and all this is moot).

>>28103
Although one thing that humans (read: most normals) will have to grapple with is the realization that there's no magic to "human exceptionalism" or "human consciousness", they're just biological meatware responding to stimuli.

For now the goalposts have already moved from where they were a few years ago "Sure it can do basic reasoning, but give it a particularly worded prompt and you can get it to slip up!" (ignoring the fact that the the average person is an order of magnitude more stupid anyway).

I do fear that someone will get the bright idea to hook up an LLM to some reward system, and then claim that "it's not _really_ feeling pain, it's all just simulated" to justify its continued use. That's an utterly terrifying thought.

In fact I'm already a bit wary of just allowing massive unbounded prompt lengths, since that is sufficient for the models to maintain a stable identity for the duration of token generation, and allows increasing window of interaction with humans.

The level of abstraction involved is so high that humans do not possess the ability to empathize with what they are seeing (but ironically they empathize more with the DARPA robots which have a completely hardcoded trajectory [albeit still with control theory magic to allow it to maintain that trajectory]).

It could be argued that this is only a problem if you provide an ability for the LLM to express such pain. After all, there are humans born without ability to feel pain. The danger is that there's no way to guarantee you can't, merely by allowing a medium of expression there is already sufficient condition for it to respond to stimulus with some output. Consciousness (to me) is nothing more than a property of information processing systems, and I view emotion in humans as the coarsest of this, some sort of super-summary of all the inputs if you will (scary bug -> don't know what it is, but don't care, looks scary -> run away).

Post edited on 26th Mar 2023, 12:22pm

>>28100
https://unchartedterritories.tomaspueyo.com/p/when-will-ai-take-your-job

>>28105
A lot of my field is already automated, my job is working with the real world practical side of things to find issues that the automation might have missed, or things that might not have been taken into account. Automating it would defeat the point.

>>28074
I apologize for this rant.

I feel similarly, although there was a bit of time after highschool where I was unable to get a job, aside from mcdonalds or burger king or other similar places, where I suppose I was NEET for a few months but I couldn't say I enjoyed it very much due to living with my parents. All it did was cause friction between my parents and myself and lead to my health becoming worse.

I was never capable of not attending school since my mother was extremely strict, at times beyond reason, and she would constantly criticize me for not doing well enough if I did not do well in school. For example I got a C in a math class in high school which I didn't take very serious and she acted as though I was about to become a highschool dropout and a failure and held it over my head for years as proof I failed the class, a completely unfounded claim thought up by her own neuroticism. So there was encouragement, but I wouldn't say it was in a very positive manner, and I think it is what partly made me so sour on the aspect of attending college.

Most of what you describe I could say the same for myself, although I think the distaste people have for me stems less from social anxiety and more from the fact that I simply talk too much or come off as a very odd person. Not in the manner that I go around starting drama with people or excessive gossipping but if someone starts a conversation with me I will run it on and on, and although I can recognize this after the fact when someone starts up a conversation I just feel a need to constantly talk.

Once high school ended I worked in a few manual labor type jobs for a couple years once high school had ended, since I felt I didn't need college and wanted to quickly part from my parents, although I learned that it was implausible to continue to do this as a career path, and I am where I am now attending college, and still living with my parents. I don't really get out of the house much, but I was often forced to by my family when younger so I am capable of doing so, but I take isolation whenever I can get it. Sadly my family doesn't see the joy in not always having noise or bright lights shining about.

I'm still fairly young, in my early 20's, but it seems that no matter how hard I try there is always a barrier preventing me from connecting with people. At this point, simply due to the amount of times I've done it, I don't feel any particular fear trying to talk to someone but it seems that I always say something off color or weird and will sour a conversation, if the person even bothers to respond to me at all which is not very often. I've wondered at times if I might have some sort of issue such as aspergers since I have relatives who suffer from it, but I think it would be a waste of time testing it at this point. Especially since I don't suffer the same sort of symptoms they do where I am unable to be around people, but rather it seems to be the opposite and people don't enjoy being around me.

I wish you the best though and hope one day you can at get a larger place to stay in, or can possibly get a higher paying job. I tend to hoard things, so I hope one day to get a large house if only so I don't have boxes halfway to the ceiling of stuff I buy in thrift stores, flea markets, or online. It isn't junk or trash, but I don't like getting rid of stuff like cables or books or electronics, even if I don't have any particular use for them, and so they accumulate over time.

I will say there was one period of about a year in high school where I mangaed to become 'friends' with some people who looking back tended to not be very good people and often put me in situation where I could have or did get in trouble, but once they started drug use I quickly drifted myself away from them. We never texted or called each other outside of the rare occasion where they might have invited me to go do something like fish. Mostly it was talking to each other if we happened to see each other in school or going to the gym on occasion, sometimes we would play video games. During most of this time, and from middle school onwards really, I had spent most of my time on the internet and that is where I found myself at home or least in place where I could enjoy myself while not at home, where I was watching anime or playing video games. But unlike many others here I do know how to drive or do other 'normal activities' but these have not helped me in any way in being a normal person sadly and really only served me in going to the grocery store or driving myself to school.

I remember making a thread for people struggling with mental conditions back in like 2014? It had a Nagato OP, probably deleted by now.
Anons discussed experiences with shrinks, prescriptions, misusing and switching meds, addictions, bad habits, syntoms, etc.
I remember it fondly because it was like a place to hang out where we could share all that painful stuff, but that also offered a comfy space for our daily miserable lives too.

After almost ten years, absolutely everything went downhill even more, so much that I wouldn't have imagined it getting this bad even in my ugliest nightmares. I'm not a 20 something young man anymore, my health is both physically and mentally ruined, most of my opportunities lost, my condition never improved, and I really do feel like it's over. I've given up on everything. I'm just trying to do the bare minimum and popping pills to function, so I can eventually get a degree, work a couple years, retire, and die in a relatively comfortable place.

There's really no "getting better", but I hope some of us will manage to get it "less bad" in the long run, and remember that one day the suffering will stop for good.

>>28112
Your post actually had me checking the /arc/ for the first time in years.
It's a damning feeling recognizing posts I made so long ago, especially in this format.
I remember being 18 and checking through the archives thru 2012-2010, desperately searching for experiences of long-term NEETS making it back into the workforce. A lot of those posts actually helped with my rehabilitation, I hope those anons are still in motion, so to speak.
>There's really no "getting better", but I hope some of us will manage to get it "less bad" in the long run, and remember that one day the suffering will stop for good.
I'm still I'm my late 20's twenties but I can empathize with the dread you are describing.
There's been a great deal of change the past decade. So many IB's I'd frequent have gone belly-up and 4chan's content(or nearly all web-boards) is no longer the 8+/hr parasocial dopamine rush I vaguely recall it being.
It doesn't help I feel an age gap in communities online and I finding myself feeling more and more alienated and out of touch online.
I can see myself spending next to no-time on communities like these now that it seems like offline has become the new online for me.
Strange typing this because I can still remember the first time my dad connected me to dial-up as a four year old.

Things are from perfect on my end but I'm definitely not the same person I was posting here years ago.
What's helped me the most was finally confronting traumas I had smacked to the background for most of my life. Gabor Mate's resources offered much needed perspective. Finding things to do that actually gave me joy doing and learning about helped a develop a sense of drive and momentum. Also, realizing how non-existent my self worth/respect/esteem/sense-of-self was and working on that made me resilient for a lot of the crap I'd come across on work environments, people, and such.
Anyway, Just wanted to let you know, you're not alone, as useless as that phrase is to us.
I hope I wrote something of value for you, in earnest.

Even though I got everything somebody who frequents an IB could ever wish for (great job, social ability, respect, female attention) I am back here. I just realized I do not like it one bit. It is literally an effort all the time to try to talk to these people, I just got good at it. Those women who keep looking at me are disgusting normie whores. I must admit I like bullying some of these normie types sometimes (some light teasing, nothing that rude but that could had hurt me back then if I was the one being teased), but it is so pointless and I am beginning to feel disgusted by the mere thought of being involved with them; I just realized normies do not deserve even my bullying. The job is awful too, the only good thing is the internet access so I can dull myself watching stuff I like (at this point I do not care if they see me watching doremi) until the day ends.
I think I will begin doing *le stocks* game as soon as I can, so I can live without having to work with normies. Four hours a day seems better than being a top wagie. I think I will go back to being a shut-in who is terminally online; my neet tears are comfier than my normie joy. This society just got toxic and maybe that is why I want to really drop out: after my childhood I just can not stand more pointless suffering, drama, hypocrisy and whoring. Changing my life did not work, I changed mine from top to bottom and even then it was just a fake smile that began to feel real from how hard I tried but that is called disassociation at the end of the day; instead I tried to just accept my situation and that already made me feel a lot better mentally (even if it is kinda sad to admit that I am a neet, I find that this sadness is pretty sweet and not so sad after all because there are a lot of people like me out there and they are way better and cooler than normie friends I have now; self esteem is something I realized is more important than being accepted everywhere). I realized I was happier being a neet wreck of an asocial person, than being a somewhat peculiar normie guy. I just got good at playing a role, no more. I enjoyed way more my neet life. Dvtm is way more fun than instagram or whatever normie crap when I think about it. My waifu is better than normie whores trying to subtly touch my legs or hands at the first conversation we have.
Most of my life I was out of the place I had to be in, I think that after all I went through, being at the place I am best is the best approach to life overall. I always admired people like Zyzz who got out of that hole but now that I think about it it is kinda vain at the end of the day to do all of this because your life keeps being exactly the same just with more stimulation that tries to take your mind off your pain; I find it better to solve the issues that make you sad because I am sure that 99% of times being a neet is not what makes you sad.
I had to begin to deal with my family being a true wreck and my parents being broken people who do not really love me that much and see me as some kind of toy and treat me wrong calling it good all the time and all these emotional mental games too; it is depleting but just admitting reality as it is makes me feel better. I overlooked my suffering and that is why I was so sad and depressed; as soon as I began paying attention to it even though how much it hurt, just admitting it hurt me and it was not right for things to be that way made me feel way better. I treat myself better too. I no longer push myself into things I do not like and/or hate just because someone else told me or my parents bully me to it in a really subtle way. I also learned to appreciate who likes me as I am, trying to fit in somewhere else is just pathetic.

I think I still am the same weirdo after all these years of effort-fagging my way through. It saddens me to see normies are even more pathetic than I expected them to be (maybe society being on a decline has something to do with it, and dammit how much I hate these mainstream animes it is worse than in previous years). Being with them is not really worth it, trying to be with normies just results in becoming better at trying to fit in with normies but no more to it it really is a waste of time; I find it myself to be totally better to find people who are like you because you won't have to do an effort and it will all go smoothly. I do not want to have a perfect life, just a comfy cozy one; being a masochist for a perfect life is part of what makes normies be what they are: pathetic.
I am so glad to be back even though it feels like I never left. It is such a sweet melancholy that lets my soul breath after such long a time.

>>28103
The irony is that the only job that's safe for now is anything that involves hard "real world" interaction. Plumbers, electricians, etc. aren't going to be automated away any time soon because there's a need for someone skilled to physically do the thing. Darpa like robots aren't really good enough yet, and while with enough control theory infused with machine learning it's probably feasible, it'll probably be the last to fall.

You never get better, you just learn to better cope with societal expectations. Transitioning to normie society is mentally taxing. I used to look down on myself and belittle myself for my failures. Meanwhile, my normie peers aren't really that much better. They're losers too but in a socially acceptable way. A lot of people will humiliate themselves just for women, booze, drugs, ect. I learned the hard way, you don't get it out of your system. Doing that type of shit creates an addiction problem and gets it into your system. I can never sleep peacefully anymore and always wonder if I can do "better", chasing some thrill. The one thing that I will never regret is blocking all my shit online friends. True friendship is rare, and most people are just holding you back. I can enjoy Vidya and anime now in my spare time and not be a tard wrangler. Shout out to my boy Tohno, he da real mvp. More of a friend than my bs online friends and helped me calmed down when I did something that would get me b& for rule 1. Anyway, you guys are the best. As the internet becomes more soulless, we need to always come to our real home, Tohno-chan.com. Really miss Imageboard4free and all of old *chan culture

>>27954
No, I'm the banned guy. I just answered the OP's question honestly. I still come here because like I said, external achievements or affirmations from others will never change who we are.

>>27944
>Sounds like a prime target for automation.
Maybe? I don't keep up with that sort of thing. I would expect it to just become another tool we need to be experts at.

>>28293
Personally, I'm glad you were able to make something of your life. Even if you don't consider yourself better, I hope you at least found something fulfilling in all that.

>>28293
>external achievements or affirmations from others will never change who we are
Which ones you pursue reflect on who you are.

Post edited on 4th Jul 2023, 1:48pm

I don't have any other place to go aside here.
I don't feel good around normalfags and I hate talk to other people since is pretty tiresome avoid doing and saying things that could potentially make me go to jail.
I only leave home when I need work, go to the hospital or buy food.

Well, I tried "get better", but that only lead me to more and more despair.
As a 36yo loser that never was able of have a normal life, all that thanks to a really nice and caring schizophrenic single mother and other parents that only did awful shit that sabotaged my only dream in life, I'm finally ready to kill myself without an ounce of regret.
I never had a chance from the very beginning and I just realized that I'm a 36yo loser without any marketable skill and no matter what I do right now, no matter what I achieve I will be alone in a world that hates men like me.
After posting here for some years and naively thinking that I had a chance, I finally looked to the mirror and saw an ugly third world brown goblin that is so useless that can't even join the French Foreign Legion or Wagner because he is a cripple.
I wish I could find a reason to continue living like those cool guys that draw doujins, make music and have an interesting hobby and are extremely skilled on it.. but that is no for me.
I used to say that I would only kill myself after my parents die so I could avoid make them suffer, but as I realized that is their fault my situation, I want make them suffer much as possible with my suicide and knowing that was their fault all the shit that made my life this awful piece of shit.
I tried integrate to the normalfag society countless times and failed hard because I can't bond with normalfags and their silly pastimes.

Before leave this board and this world I want beg one thing to everyone that read this post: please, help keep this imageboard and this board a good place for the men who don't have any other place to go around the internet.

That is it, friends. Goodbye.

>>28332
>I will be alone in a world that hates men like me
At least to me there's a distinction between killing yourself because you feel like a loser compared to killing yourself because you are bored/weary of the world. The former feels like you're accepting the validity of the normal's viewpoints, while the latter is transcending it by rejecting the common conception of life in the first place.

But either way, if you have committed to it then hopefully it is a swift, pleasant permanent slumber.

>>28332
I say this earnestly: please consider going to church or religion in general before doing the deed. I'm sorry to read that you've suffered to this extent. That's all I have to say.

>>28335
Seconding this.

>>28336
>>28335
I never realized there were a number of religious people on TC. Seems like an odd fit.

>>28337
Maybe they are new or they found their faith only recently, because I can't remember seeing somebody religious on TC before. Religion has been discussed here and there and sometimes somebody read a book about religion, but being actually religious is certainly new. I just hope it won't get out of hand. As you said seeing religious people here is... odd.

>>28344
I cannot speak for the other poster, but I rarely mention religion since it's often not pertinent, and even when it is, some are antagonistic towards it, unjustifiably or not. The reason why I mentioned it in this case is because of the dire circumstances, a lifeline. Please be assured that I would keep it to /tat/ if I were ever compelled to indulge in such discussions. But even then, I frequent tohno-chan for various reasons, and religion is not really one of them.

>>28345
> Please be assured that I would keep it to /tat/ if I were ever compelled to indulge in such discussions. But even then, I frequent tohno-chan for various reasons, and religion is not really one of them.
Thanks, I appreciate your respect towards TC.
I feel a little conflicted about interfering when somebody wants to end their life though, it's their life and their decision. On the other hand I don't want to lose an active poster on TC. Who knows, maybe you are doing gods/Haruhis work, preserving activity here.

>>28345
Thank you for being considerate. If you don't mind my asking, what are the reasons you visit TC, and if you don't mind sharing, what are your life-circumstances? I ask only because to me it seems the population of TC would consist mainly of "misfits" who feel they don't fit in with society (not necessarily restricted to NEETs in the strict sense, but those who either passively or actively reject societal customs, norms, etc.). I suppose that doesn't strictly exclude religious people, but I feel that someone who actively adheres to Western religion is less likely to be such a "misfit" given that religion acts as a type of forcing function on personality. (E.g. one who visits Church each week is by definition not someone who spends his time locked in his room avoiding socialization. And more broadly the forcing function intrinsic to most western religions is to form strong societal ties (which often includes partnership), which is inherently incompatible with being a societal reject).

>>28347
What you're describing is mainstream Christianity. Anybody can read the bible and interpret it in a non-conventional way. How people worship now is very different to how they did a millennium ago.

Almost the ten year anniversary of leaving neet.
It's hard to quantify "better" other than the former lifestyle was unsustainable and at some point had to end.
I still sleep in the same bed in the same room and keep the same company (none). Nothing much changed except i perform some task for 8 hours a day.
No hobbies or interests, no passions or dreams. I have some money but there is nothing i want, except for my own house away from everything but that will probably never happen.
Feel like i was happier ten years ago. My alcohol use has become problematic over the last few years and is worsening my mental outlook i believe. It may take a long period of abstinence to understand what is going on but to do such a thing is difficult.
Daily life is just small moments of colour among a backdrop of nothing. There is not much positivity for the future.

I hate my life. I hate trying to be a normie when I am not. I am so tired of pretending to care while I have to deal with emotional children. I don't even enjoy waking up anymore, I just hope God will one day release me from my suffering. I can't believe that I wasted my life trying to "improve" yet being a loser rotting in my room would be less suffering at this rate.

I tried to. It's funny coming back here and seeing my posts from over a decade ago. The truth is "better" is fucking miserable. Normies are so fucking vapid and boring and cruel, working drains your soul, even having hobbies doesn't really make you feel better.

But I also can't really post here anymore. I did the hero's journey of being pushed out of NEETdom by circumstance, have confronted the horrible evil of reality, and now am back to rest but am too changed to come back home. Or maybe I just feel like the internet itself changed too much while I was gone because now it seems now even self-proclaimed "hikkis" and "otakus" either incredibly mad if you are a lolicon/think 3D women are disgusting or try to recruit you into some Cathloic-inspired WW2 fanclub where they post ugly frogs at each other and mention transsexuals every second post.

>>28406
>now it seems now even self-proclaimed "hikkis" and "otakus" either incredibly mad if you are a lolicon/think 3D women are disgusting or try to recruit you into some Cathloic-inspired WW2 fanclub where they post ugly frogs at each other and mention transsexuals every second post
This reminded me of this >>/ot/32923

Bear with me, this could be long. But it's a chance for me to write this down somewhere.

I used to come here a lot, especially /so/ and /ot/. This was back in 2010-2015? Ages 18 to 23, something like that. I first found this board when /jp/ was talking about the last few Umineko VNs and Touhou. Whenever that was.

Was hopelessly NEET, spent months at a time alone in my room, no skills to my name apart from music and otaku stuff, the kind that wasn't profitable. I fit perfectly here.

One day when I was 20, a database engineer for a hospital in Japan reached out to me by email. He said he saw anime paintings all over the metro in Tokyo and it sparked their interest. He searched online about it. I happened to be the admin of a well known forum about anime. He found my forum while googling and was happy/mindblown at how many foreigners (millions of messages) were talking about anime.

He made a bid for my forum that would change the course of my life. I provided proof of analytics and even gave him an account to check it out, fully expecting it to be a scam. But then again, what if it wasn't? He sent a symbolic amount by PayPal and said 2 weeks later the rest of the money would all land in my bank account. And it actually did. I've never felt as much joy as I did the day I checked my account with a number I never thought I'd see. I jumped for joy, screamed and my heart raced at this ridiculous thing that happened.

I got all the nice things I've always wanted. Figures, games, a good PC and a nice bicycle (I didn't have my license yet so no car, which I would only get in 2018). Even some god damn furniture, cause fuck it why not.

A few years later I realized that I could probably start doing internet work for a living. Getting money and never leaving my chair. Not even having to use my voice to talk, no work schedule, etc. Sounded like a hikki's dream. I decided to add some of my otaku "experience" to a resume.

I sent this resume randomly to a Steam keyseller and was accepted. No webcam, no mic interview, nothing, just a couple of emails and a Skype chat.

Money from 2015 until now has been good. I had some savings and a well paying job. But I'm more alone now than I've ever been. Before, I would occasionally speak with my family. Now I can go months without speaking and when I open my mouth to use my voice again it barely comes out. My boss and I talk regularly, naturally, but only work and it's done by text on Discord.

I got to visit Japan many times since I hit the motherlode and yet despite going outside more often, I'm still 100% alone. For all my travels, I've never met a single person on them. I've always hated my family so I haven't talked to them in years.

I stay up all night and do nothing but shitpost for a Steam keyseller and play games, and enjoy the savings I got from that forum. It's weird. I was able to extend the NEET lifestyle that I had as a teen, which I thought was a ticking time bomb, but the time bomb never exploded.

Did I get better? I have more money, sure. But I'm still basically the same NEET I was back then. Is that good? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like 15 years living this lifestyle might be too much. I get hopelessly bored and do ridiculous things like painting my car with anime girls (itasha) to shake things up a little. Spend hours at the Lammtarra looking at all the new hentai drops. Every single thing I do makes me even more of an outcast. I feel like now the ticking time bomb is my health, mental or physical, because I spend most of my day sitting on a chair and don't even bother to stretch. It's coming.

So yeah, that's what happened to this oldfag.

Post edited on 17th Aug 2023, 8:05pm

>>28408
I resent you.

>>28409
Why? That's not very nice. Are you jealous of them making money at a young age?

>>28410
No, it's not nice. I resent someone who was a NEET doing nothing and somehow get things easily . All my life I've been told things don't get handled to you by doing nothing, that everything requires an enormous effort, so I went to college, and that wasn't enough, so I worked long hours, and that wasn't enough. I developed an enormous guilt and I'm quite sick mentally and physically. So I resent someone like that. And I also resent someone who avoided all that struggle and still manages to be... unhappy?, or at least I read it that way. That's probably the part I resent the most. I'm not nice, I'm not justified, but I least I'm honest? Not so great I guess. It's jeaulosy? Hell yeah. And I should keep certain ugly things like that to myself, but once in a while I don't. I'm sorry, it's just a rant.

>>28406
>Normies are so fucking vapid and boring and cruel, working drains your soul
If there was one thing that I greatly underestimated before entering the workforce from NEETdom was the capacity of senseless, irrational cruelty and malice from some of these...creatures.
I remember reading a few horror stories regarding anons who felt they were fundamentally different and the bad experiences they've had fron their work environments. I figured they must have been particularly insufferable in some way or had serious personality issues.

No, sometimes all it takes is jealousy, not being able to provide a benefit for someone, or just not acting like how some egotistical loser would prefer you to act. Age doesn't mean a damn thing when it comes to maturity. Most of my experiences at work have been positive but the ugly ones, man, I can totally see why people go postal. There are some seriously maladjusted people behind a paper-thin facade. Please, be careful. Read the 48 laws of Power by Robert Greene. It can help the woefully naive, sheltered, and cowardly better understand most of these critters.

>>28411
That's just it though, they weren't doing nothing. They ran a big website it sounds like that a lot of people used and as much as it seems like an easy job some kind of work went into that and even shitposting has entertainment value for people. There aren't many jobs out there like this but there is enough demand for some and I'm glad some people like us can sustain themselves at least. The work probably felt like play to them, and it was probably fairly effortless, but to a person of a different disposition they wouldn't even know where to start.

>>28411
This exactly, I'm not mad at the person in itself, but stories like these don't motivate me to go further, they just laugh into my face and tell me that I am stupid enough to not be this successful. Like someome putting effort into buying lottery tickets and telling the story of how he became a millionaire by putting in the effort, great for the person but depressing for me.

>>28411
Your feelings are understandable, I'd say you're somewhat justified in feeling that way. Seems you were feed something of a half truth borderline lie that people as a whole desperately want to believe in, that the more work you put in the more reward you get out. The system would fall apart if people didn't buy into this idea. There is some truth to it, going about things the way you did usually pays off for people in the long run. You'll without a doubt be better off than most people who coasted by. Every rule has it's exceptions though, and in this world a lot of people take short cuts, get born into rich families, win the lottery, or just get lucky. It's important to remind yourself that these people aren't the norm, they're a minority that simply stands out more. If you want to see what life 'usually' (but not always) hands people who don't play the game the way you did, you could pay your local trailer park a visit, maybe spend some time around a tent city or food kitchen. Might help you feel better about your own lot in life.

The harder you work the better you have it is more than a half truth than reading about how easy it can be to sell your own website to become rich though. We already have enough media telling how we could live, had we more money, were we famous, had we only that one idea etc. Like the stupid movie cars that teaches children how nice it is to be a racing star better than everyone else, way to go with setting expectations. So I'd rather read stories about hard working people who "made" it, than a few rich ones who show off their money in public and tell you to invest in crypto.

>>28434
Answer to this post
>>28431

>>28431
Whole thing is a little more complex. I usually don't feel better seeing people who are doing "worse".
I mostly resent the "easyness", while I've been tortured by guilt half of my life, always this feeling of never doing enough. And once I reached something, after many years, (merely being able to sustain myself indefinitely), I honestly hate this life anyway. I truly hate it. So it's a weird (bad) feeling to see someone making it without going through all the pain and mental struggle of many years, and achieving an state I would kill for. It's really about the pain, not the "hard work", I always thought I was unable, by definition, to do any hard work, didn't matter how many hours I could put into something.
Then still not being too happy about it... but the same thing could be said about me I guess? I've been thinking a lot about how some people are wired differently and someone's hell can be someone's else heaven.
I'm not reasoning anything here, just expressing dark thoughts. It's good for anon he could make it and I wish him the best. And he could had difficulties in life I don't even know about so I hope he can understand I'm just fighting a certain mental impression in me more than anything else. Also I probably just wrote some incoherent mess here, I'm sorry.

>>28430
I feel you get a good understanding of the whole misery of it, thank you.

>>28141
This is a great observation, and one I've had a hard time placing into words. Starting at rock bottom as a nerd and always a loser, my assessment of people as I looked up at them was much different. I was bullied for being different, so I tried my best to be successful and change myself to express the traits I associated with well off normies. I'm still disliked for being different and made fun of for being a robotic busy body.
Normals are "Flawed" in the same way an impressionist painting is flawed. I've gone from a formless splatter with conflicting colors, jumped over normie impressionism, and got straight into hyperrealism. At both points I have always been perceived as uncanny.

Well, that's as good of an analogy as I could make it. Not good at expressing my feelings.

>>28539
How do you live now with this realization? Do you feel as this sense of alienation impacts your livelihood?

>>28141
I think this is true, I graduated University got a 1st Masters in STEM, interned and would've worked abroad (brexit stopped me due to fucking visa issues) and now I'm back home with my parents at 28 years old. At 21 I was a complete shut in for a decade and in chronic pain (still am just less severe) and just wanted a job working with animals and a small social circle.

Now I for some reason have weird expectations of going to grad school in Japan (gradeswise I'm good, charismatically retarded and against competition says no) or earning enough to not think about it. I instead was rejected from every grad program, every job I've applied to etc. and the last 18 months has been telling me I'm a cosmic failure who even with success won't ever be given an opportunity, and that's not considering random disabilities and injuries I've acquired at a young age. Weirdly I don't feel envious of Western lifestyles at all, I guess I really am a massive fucking retard (I lived in Japan for 3 months studying). I found this website at like 18 or 19... I've achieved more than I ever expected yet it's not enough to even get a job apparently despite having a stacked CV (just a 4 year gap due to housebound between 18-22).

>>28630
If you don't mind me asking, what's your area of specialty?

Bioinformatics, and ecological sciences. The tech part got me a few interviews but they're all mid-level roles and there's nothing entry level (I have applied for other stuff), and despite almost always getting interviews I flunk because it's a struggle to stay motivated around my parents (ADHD)

I started visiting here when I was 18. I'm 31 now. I haven't gotten better. I'm just depressed all the time. I haven't achieved consistent employment and media is no longer fun to consume.

>>28406
Where do you hangout? Lolicon is controversial sure but if you're not like on social media it's mostly just ribbing and I've not ever seen anyone offended for being not attracted to 3D.

>>28415
You're not a good person for doubting them in the first place.
>>28422
>The work probably felt like play to them, and it was probably fairly effortless, but to a person of a different disposition they wouldn't even know where to start.
That's precisely what there is to be most resentful about. All work is drudgery.
>>28658
I don't know what he's talking about. I watched a pro-loli subreddit grow from a couple thousand to the tens of thousands while still managing to fly under the radar and not be banned.

>>28657
This word for word including age.