>>24020
Find a quiet place and some time. Relax. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in. Hold it. Let it out. Repeat.
Instead of talking back to the scarred emotions, listen to them. Don't engage with them - if you find yourself doing so, gently step away. Let them be. Let them talk. Hear out everything, until everything has been said. Then - cherish the brief moment of freedom. For once, seek not echoes of your pained mind, but answers. You say you will never change - but what is your obstacle? You say you are lead back to God - can you find strength in Him, whichever faith you are of? What does the pain root from?
Ultimately, even if you feel the most powerless, in the darkest possible place, the one thing you have power over is yourself. It's hard. I know. I'm not here to give you an easy solution. I'm here to try and convince you to try. It's okay if, instead of reaching for the ladder, you slip. Once, twice, maybe more. It's okay. Nobody's here to judge you. Rest, if you need, and try again. Eventually, you'll find a way. Something. Something that gives you that meaning you seek. A path to change, even if slightly. I believe in you, anon. You can make it. You can get out of the darkness - and into the light.