I still feel this way from time to time. Did you ever read 'The Book of Disquiet' by Fernando Pessoa? It was written from the perspective of a very ordinary guy, broken up into short passages. I always found it a very comforting book to read when I couldn't sleep with these kinds of thoughts.
The English translation I have is by Richard Zenith and I'm pretty sure there is a pdf floating around the internet somewhere. I would put it up on /ddl/ if that was still allowed, but it shouldn't be hard to find.

I am still trying to piece the complete answer together for myself. Several years ago, I had an epiphany where I realized the vulgar aims of normalfag society are not worth aspiring to, and, as a result, I shed many feelings of inadequacy & alienation. Since then, I have just been trying to live in a manner that is consistent with my values, but I still cannot identify any fundamental meaning to life. I am very tempted to say that there is no meaning to life, but the proper implications of that position are still not totally clear to me. The beginning of a satisfactory answer might lie among the philosophies of nihilism, existentialism, or absurdism, but I haven't studied these topics enough to make any sort of informed judgments. I also don't care about topics such as this nearly as much anymore.
Anyway, with regard to your questions, I can only really recommend exploring philosophy and a healthy dose of reflection on the world we live in. The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus might be up your alley.

To witness the existence of the greats. It's all relative so someone has to be the little guy. Any drama or tragedy needs an audience. It's "the universe experiencing itself." This is what I think.

Then stop seeking meaning anon. Seeking new and novel experiences is ultimately no different from living out your life on the hedonic treadmill. Seeking out things like knowledge may well sound like you're living your life at a higher level but in the end it's just another disguised form of commercialism that won't make you happy. Hell, my own personal set of spaghetti seems to make me unable to be happy except in short burtsts. You've kinda gotta learn to stop assigning value to it and with a little bit of time the pain starts to fade.

Simply be anon, that's all we can really do when our actions have such little effect. Genes, family, time, human nature, etc, etc. There's really very little we can do about the kind of people we are and that's perfectly okay.

>>24489
It's not commercialism if it costs nothing, is immaterial, and requires work to get. What's wrong with hedonism? Nobody simply exists. Every moment you stay alive, you're taking up the limited amount of usable energy in the universe. Trying to live up to higher ideals by rejecting "lowly pleasure seeking" is just a way to feel superior in the end. Nhilistic hedonism is here to stay whether it disgusts you or not. If it disgusts you, why aren't you disgusted by your own resource consuming existence?

Post edited on 28th Jul 2019, 4:07pm

>>24491
It's more about a desire to always be, accomplish, or obtain something more so you can pump up your ego and feel good about yourself. It makes a few problems in that you always need another rock on the mountain to climb. Should you stumble on your way up it's going to feel really awful to see yourself lose so much altitude when the top was "just in sight". And since we're flawed humans we'll inevitably get bored of the mountain and look for another one, look at the one we're standing on and wonder what the point of this mountain even was in the first place.

It's not that hedonistic pleasures are bad in and of themselves it's the attachment and regret that come with them. As an example I used to do art. It was fun for a while but eventually I got to where I had real trouble improving my work. "Me, the artist" I thought. So I kept on trying and trying. I grew resentful and developed a rather large degree of self-hatred as "the artist" wasn't even improving, let alone making something actually good. It wasn't until I learned to accept this limitation that I began to enjoy it again. It's not very good, but I enjoy doing it, and that's what matters. I've had similar experience with parts of my personality and other hobbies. One day I'll grow bored of my current interest and hobbies too, just like I have all others, I won't be exceptional at them, but that's okay.

It's unfortunate but we humans are very limited creatures. In a world of seven billion it's highly unlikely you'll be exceptional in any way. It's much easier to find a way to accept that than hoping you'll find a way to leave a mark on the world, right?

I'm probably not using the most technically correct words but I think you'll get the point I'm trying to make... It's somewhat of a defeatist way of looking at the world but I find it's the most realistic one and it's certainly helped me be much more content with my hand in life.

>>24494
I've dabbled in drawing and creative fields ever since I was a kid. While I'm lucky enough not to get bored of it yet, in many cases I get more and more twisted as I invent new plots and subplots, but I don't think that's uncommon among artists from the best to the worst. I still don't expect any major success but it's enough to keep me going for now with the wageslave working grind as well...

>>24494
Getting better at something isn't about leaving a mark on the world though. If you stopped progressing, there's probably a good reason for it which somebody with more experience than you could have pointed out if you asked.