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24105 No. 24105 [Edit]
The more that I think, the more I realize that I'm a damaged person. I am so broken.

I wonder how difficult it would be to fix myself? I feel like the psychological burdens and trauma on my mind are slowly becoming too much. I'm being defined by them, and my personality withers away.

I don't know if I can lift these psychological chains on my mind. They are becoming more heavy and weighing me down. I'm on the path of decay, and I will probably die prematurely by my own hands through drugs and alcohol.

It's bad when I can't even focus on reading. The one comfort I had as a child. My mind cannot stop with the intrusive thoughts of the trauma. All of my regrets and it just comes crashing down onto me all the time.

I was going through my old hard drive to look at old 4chad pictures. I even found some from old *chans, and I saw a picture of myself.

I don't think I can look at my younger self and tell him that I'm proud of the route that I took. I was stubborn and I had to suffer severely for it. I have sunken so much time into this goal of mine, that I cannot give up now. Even if it brings the end of me.

I don't find much joy in life anymore. I feel like I've already accomplished what I wanted to in life. I had one major and one minor goal. I won't indulge what the minor goal was, but I felt a relief once it was done. That I accomplished what I so truly desperately desired. However, I did not find my salvation in it.

If anything, it brought me more pain. It made me realize how significantly worthless of a human being that I am.

I hope that God can continue to bless me. I used to hate God, but I know that he will continue to guide me to a spiritual oasis. But, I'm scared and alone. I've been in the desert since a teenager and I need the water. I yearn for my goal, and I will make it to the end.

How do you guys wake up in the morning without dread? When everything that brought you joy cannot be joyful anymore.
>> No. 24112 [Edit]
>I don't think I can look at my younger self and tell him that I'm proud of the route that I took
Fuck, that really hits close to home. I can't help but feel that my younger self would be incredibly disappointed with what I've become. He'd probably see me as a monster.
>> No. 24117 [Edit]
>>24105
Can you type a sentence that doesn't start with "I" or "Me"?
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662
>> No. 24121 [Edit]
>>24117
That’s a very weird reaction since OP doesn’t really seem narcissistic
>> No. 24124 [Edit]
How is OP supposed to discuss his feelings without using "I" or "me"?
>> No. 24125 [Edit]
>>24117
Because every depressed introvert is a secret narcissist, even if all of their destructive self-focus goes inward and not outward. Never change, /so/.
>> No. 24126 [Edit]
>>24124
This. What the fuck guys?
>> No. 24132 [Edit]
>>24124
maybe op wouldn't be "/so/ - Ronery" if he ever spent time thinking about anyone other than himself instead of attempting to turn his entire life into an endless, self-centered pity party.
>> No. 24135 [Edit]
Anon I think you're trying too hard to be perfect, I've done the same thing before and in many ways I still do. Truth is I'm white weeb trash and there's nothing wrong with that. Certain things are just too ingrained, too central to who we are as people to ever be fixed without discarding everything, like it or not, you're going to have to learn to live with it even if certain things you like or do are rather embarrassing and undesirable.

It's okay to be a failure anon, just be aware of your faults, note them, and try to mediate them so as not to hurt other people.
>> No. 24136 [Edit]
>>24135
No, it's not OK. No one should have to accept living with any of this shit. Fuck that.
>> No. 24138 [Edit]
>>24136
I felt the same way once but past a certain point I wasn't able to make any progress on getting past certain things. I don't know what it is that's bothering you but there's a certain freedom in admitting defeat. I'm not saying you should let it define you, just acknowledge it, accept it, and find a healthy way to live with it that doesn't cause too much harm to others.

I guess what I'm trying to say in a roundabout way is that you should hate the sin, not the sinner. People like us can't help that we're damaged.

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