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File 150913412819.png - (1.18MB , 1665x654 , 1507450290540.png )
23042 No. 23042 [Edit]
Does anyone else here seemingly lack the capacity to care about things beyond some vague sense of liking/disliking? I can't remember a time before my early childhood that I have ever grown very attached to anyone or anything. In brief, I care so little about effectively everything that I could lose or abandon it all without blinking an eye; nothing feels sincerely precious. Similarly, I don't emotionally dislike many things in the same way, though that is of secondary concern to me.
This aspect of myself feels profoundly wrong and inhuman; I don't want to feel like some walking, talking automaton that can only pretend to care about things like a real person. If anyone here has overcame this kind of state, I would like to hear how you did it.
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>> No. 23043 [Edit]
I think I saw the same post on another slower imageboard. Did you delete it or am I imagining things?

>This aspect of myself feels profoundly wrong and inhuman
What do you think feeling right and human feels like.
>> No. 23044 [Edit]
>>23043
Yes, I did post something like this on another board. It is still up, but I have not received any particularly helpful responses. I decided that it wouldn't hurt to post over here as well.
I believe that it would at least be more comfortable to have deeper attachments and more passion about things in general. Being so dispassionate that I can abandon things at the drop of a hat without any regret is a really odd feeling, especially if it something that I think I like. What's the point of living if I am indifferent to everything around me and I have no passions strong enough to fill me with any great degree of happiness or fulfillment?
>> No. 23045 [Edit]
I'm in a similar state except this part.
>I could lose or abandon it all without blinking an eye
I like some things more than the others in the sense that I would rather have them than the other but it is not really an emotional attachment, however the main reason why I haven't killed myself yet, is me being able to live a comfortable life without a lot of obligations. If I had to give up/lose that standard, I'd probably think that it wasn't worth the hassle. So I think I do care about not having to work most of the day like so many do for example. I don't feel strongly about it, it's just important to me in the sense that I'd rather kill myself than live like that.

>This aspect of myself feels profoundly wrong and inhuman
From what I've read, there are a lot of people who have a similar experience.

>I don't want to feel like some walking, talking automaton that can only pretend to care about things like a real person
I just accept it. Even though most people are completely different and I'm not able to understand their motives/drive any more and so feeling completely detached, I prefer it over feeling a lot of shit.
I was very emotional in my childhood so despite not remembering it well I think I'm familiar with the other side of the coin, would be interesting to know if it was the same for you since you mentioned your early childhood.

I can understand that you want to be able to feel like the others, I wanted the same for quite a long time, but I can't really help since I didn't overcome it.
I think getting out of this alone is impossible. I imagine you either need to find something that manages to evoke something in you (other people are probably a good bet, interpersonal interactions/relationships seem to be the most common situations people feel something in, don't ask me how to start caring about others in the state you're in though) or take the risk and ask for "professional" help, try to avoid those who prescribe meds.

Maybe another anon can be more helpful.
>> No. 23046 [Edit]
>>23045
>I would rather have them than the other but it is not really an emotional attachment
I share this attitude. Although I may not think about it in a very emotional way, I am still able to recognize that certain conditions are preferable to others; once I have made that change, however, it is just very easy for me to adapt and accept it.
>would be interesting to know if it was the same for you
I was pretty expressive as a child, I think, but due to certain personal problems and persistent bullying, I became more withdrawn and quiet. A lot of my memories from that time are blotted out and hazy, so it is not that I remember passion from then. Instead it is more from
>something that manages to evoke something in you
I discover something every so often that does awaken my passion; off the top of my head, examples I can think of are when I first discovered my field of study, anime, and my waifu. However, that passion usually dies out after a couple months. If it weren't for the fact that my disposition causes me to be so nonreactive to things that previously brightened my life, I probably would care just as little as you do.
>> No. 23047 [Edit]
i had anxiety/depression from the age of 11, but at 16 i had some physical issues causing a lot of stress, by the time i was 18 all the stress and misery caused all my emotions to dull, i felt less anxious but i also felt less enjoyment, just hollow

(physical issues = really sore distorted eyes, they're still like it but i had no aid when ti came to soreness back when it first occurred)
>> No. 23051 [Edit]
File 150927336884.png - (189.00KB , 451x364 , yumekui2.png )
23051
>> No. 23053 [Edit]
>>23047
What is the nature of your eye problems? I am interested because I suffer from dry, painful eyes during many springs and summers. It must be terrible if your condition is chronic.
>> No. 23068 [Edit]
blepharitis, and perhaps keratoconus

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