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23180 No. 23180 [Edit]
Depressed. doing college part time so I'm taking the degree at a different pace than my classmates. Thinking about a conversation I had with one that mades me happy.
I think "Maybe I should try talking to them next week and make friends"
> Remember it's the last week of the semester and I'll probably never see them again and if I do it'll have been too long to feel as comfortable.
> Every time.
I'm too damn autistic.
But the kind of autist that puts in the effort into not appearing autistic so when I talk, people seem to like me but until I get a good read on their personality I get so anxious and stressed.
So I gravitate towards the quiet kids who open up at the same pace as I do,
And the people who are too friendly and forward right off the bat make me super uncomfortable as I'm quickly trying to figure out what they want from me, but once I've known them for a few months I learn how to roll with it and flow with their specific energy I really like those sort of people.
It's the same either way though. The semester ends right as I've started getting attached to somebody but before I'm close enough to talk to them outside of school or online. I really regret not making closer friends in high school... Only thing I miss about it. I didn't have any close friends but I was socially satisfied making small talk with the same people around me everyday for 4 years.

Tldr: Does anyone have advice for how I can get consistent casual social interactions in my life? Maybe it's asking for too much but it seems like there should be a simple solution like a club or something but that hasn't worked out. that sort of thing is about short bursts of social focused intense socializing once a week. It's too much for me. way too much. You show up and everyone's there to make friends too so someone's going to approach you and ask you all about what your deal is and try to involve you in everything to make you feel welcome and I can't help but freeze up, dissociate until I can find an opportunity to run away and block the memory out. I'm just too damn autistic. School is such a hell hole but until the classes change it's the only place I have that has a comfortable social structure to it, everyone shows up and there's just an indirect social atmosphere to the place. There has to be a better way to find that sort of thing /so/. I just don't know what it is. ;_;
>> No. 23181 [Edit]
I'd love to help but I have no clue. I avoid social interactions completely and when I can't, I'm also quite awkward because I lack the practice and experience.

>The semester ends right as I've started getting attached to somebody but before I'm close enough to talk to them outside of school or online
Do you have to be close to connect with them online? I thought asking someone for their social media info (if it's not just the name) and starting chatting with them isn't that uncommon nowadays (especially if they are your peers) and it would probably take away a lot of pressure because you're not personally in front of them.
Don't know for sure how strange that would be though. It sounds like you manage to connect with people somewhat, so the online step shouldn't be that crazy and you should be able to casually meet up with them afterwards.

I doubt a lot of people here can help by the way.
>> No. 23183 [Edit]
Can't help too much really, but the only kind of 'club' thing I'd recommend is trading cards like Magic or something like that. I used to play years ago at this one dingy store on Fridays and while some of the people were friends, people were there to play cards and that's what focused the discussions. It wasn't simply intense socialisation. It didn't hurt that everybody was a grognard too I suppose. That said, this was one specific store from some years ago, perhaps it's different elsewhere/nowadays.
>> No. 23184 [Edit]
I also play Magic the Gathering as well, we mostly just talk about the game and it keeps us busy enough that it isn't too awkward. I am still relatively quiet and no one minds, in a sense I've gotten less awkward over the years.

Draft/Limited is the cheapest format at around $10-$13 a night depending on where you live, and usually that runs multiple times a week too.
>> No. 23190 [Edit]
i gave up on making friends. whenever i meet someone that seems really cool that i want to talk to and invite to hang out with, i just remember that literally every time i have regretted it. seemingly cool people almost fucking always are not. and you'll run into a lot of problems if you hang out with someone for long enough to assess that they are an insufferable retard. they'll think you like them and impose on you wanting to hang out more and there is no way to reject someone politely.
"wow this guy is ugly as shit and his body language is more awkward than mine, i bet he'd be great for me-"
instantly starts talking about romancing women and bullies me. ugly people can be chads too.
"this guy cannot shut up about star wars for five seconds and claims to have spent thousands on star wars figures, and I've never seen someone with diagnosed OCD as bad as him, great material-"
has a fucking wife and plans to have children.

more commonly though, everyone is just a shit eater. i'll meet people that are on my level but watch fucking onision and play pokemon or the only anime they watch is the big 3 shonen or whatever.

just not worth it. just ask yourself, if those guys turn out to be huge faggots, do you honestly want the burden of having to tell them to fuck off? possibly having to see them every day after having told them to fuck off? imagine going to college 200 feet away from a guy you insulted.
i'd rather be alone.

Post edited on 17th Dec 2017, 10:04pm
>> No. 23192 [Edit]
fellow autist here,
What happened to me is that I got diagnosed around 23ish, struggled with it, was a complete dumbass. After going through a group home situation and having a roommate, I built up my confidence. What I noticed from reading your post and from my own experience is that it was about the same.
The repetition thing that people with asperger's do applies to 'anxiety' as well. I've noticed the same pattern suggested in your sentences that I did(still do), which is that I'll repeat the anxious situation in my head. In reality, as in the people that I actually end up talking to, I realized that I was doing mostly fine. I was okay with what I was saying, okay with how they responded. However, I ran into the same problem as you. I had a roommate who loved to talk, I tried getting outside and volunteering for data entry and a pet shelter and some other stuff. In the end though, I would never talk to anyone, and when I did not only did I feel further away from people I felt emotionally drained. I would replay the situation over and over, I would love the feeling of getting out of a conversation. The happiest moments I had was when I was alone with my computer watching anime, that made me feel more connected to others than talking to people online or posts like these.
The worst times I had in my life was around other people, being at the whim of their behavior, feeling like I had to conform to whatever they said or something bad would happen. Hell is other people. However, I still wanted and want other people. How useless a desire is that?
I began journaling, writing, trying to connect to others through that. I talk to people from time to time, and I gained confidence from challenging my own writing. That, and hitting 30 really helped. It felt like I was just a dumbass back then, I honestly think that no one could have told me anything. If a girl wanted to fuck me I would have had to say yes, if someone wanted to be my friend I would have had to say yes. My life was like driftwood, and it's still driftwood, but at least I feel like high quality driftwood.
I think the only real difference between me and the rest of the depressive imageboard types is that I refused on a very basic level to not have fun. It's always been a strangely powerful belief, that if there isn't any joy in life, what's the point? It's because of that and my hobbies and my dedication to them that I gained ability and confidence about myself.
I don't think it's really about other people anymore. It's really about what I want to do with them, what I want to share with them, and what I'm willing to sacrifice in order to make that happen.
Being around people hurts. I know that. That's why I avoid them whenever I can, but when I looked into why people hurt me, if it was just anyone that could make me feel bad, I realized it was just me and my memories of the shitty people in my life overlaid over everyone new I met.
There's no point in meeting people if you're just going to treat them like people you've already met. I've heard the saying "keep an open mind", but what that really means I figured out is that whatever you say in your head about the person is just a lie you told yourself to protect yourself.
The hard part, I think this is the real hard part, is that people can still hurt you. So it's very important to understand who you are actually dealing with, if you're not exploring who they are, not asking questions, and not interested, of course you'll never be satisfied with them.
You're treating them like dolls, not people. It took me a long time to understand that I was doing that. It was out of fear, and I still do it. I may never get over it. However, that is the truth. I know that's who I really am. I wonder, just who do you think you are? Who do you think the people around you are?
I suggest you find out the truth.
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