>>21133
I honestly wonder why armchair psychologists like yourself even come here. Guess you want to feel special.

>>21133
I wasn't really asking for help, just explaining the difficulties I go through with trying to keep online friendships from crashing and burning which inevitably happen and have before. Besides, it's hard to hide "insecurities" when it's obvious you're not a normie. For the years I've spent trying to just keep a friendship going or finding a good one, a normie would have had done much better without much effort in shorter duration. By now it's just very exhausting and pretty predictable when someone loses interest in me and has to resort to stuff like what >>21130 said.

>>21134
I wasn't really trying to be an armchair psychologist, sorry if it came off like that. I was just sort of trying to give my perspective, but after re-reading my post I can tell it really has no purpose. And no, I do not want to feel special, I just wanted to partake in the discussion.

>>21136
None of our posts have any purpose. We all want to feel special. Ever hear of Signalling Theory?

It's Christmas today and I feel so sad,the one time I treat it with seriousness it ends up being depressing because i'm literally doing nothing special to celebrate it. Or maybe I'm confusing it with all this pent up sadness in me. Maybe I should get some sleep and things will be better in the morning.

>going through stuff looking for things to donate and/or throw away
>find some old drawings from 5-7+ years ago
>remember how much more happy and carefree I was back then, even though I felt otherwise at the time for some reason
It's both scary and depressing to think of how much things have declined in such a relatively short timeframe, and even more scary/depressing to wonder how much worse things'll get in the same amount of time (and beyond) going forward.

Hell, I'm already feeling nostalgic about 2013, which is both fairly recent and wasn't all that great of a year in and of itself. It only seems that way by comparison to what's going on in the here and now.

>>20398
my mother has one too, and my sister is getting married with chad.

A lot of people say men only think about sex. The only thing I can think about is scenarios where I die. That's the only thing that can keep me at peace. Sex hasn't even come across my mind unless I specifically think about it, whereas gory scenes of my death riddle my mind passively.

>>21210
>my sister is getting married with chad.
That's a bad thing?

I've just made a goal for myself. I want to obtain a "X-plus super-sized Roll figurine" and have it sit on my face.

I should die, but I need to die after that. First, I want that Roll's loli butt on my face.

I've probably fallen too far into the 'Otaku hole', but it can't be helped~♪.

>>21235
That's great. You don't need to die immediately after it happens, just some years down the road. Just naturally is fine.

Everything I ever try eventually goes totally wrong. I have had phases where I've accepted to be a total loser but then got little strength to try something and then fail at it.

I'm 24 now. What age is honestly considered "young"? About 26 does not sound very young anymore to be honest.

I've distanced, alienated or angried all the friends I had.
I wish I could meet new ones over the internet but social networks pretty much killed all the space you had to be social without getting people too deep into your personal life.

>>21240
>What age is honestly considered "young"?
I'd say around 24. What kind of things did you do to try to escape loserdom? Didn't expect to fail much more than to succeed?

>>21243
I'm too paranoid to be specific but other than just going to study too. Still have never worked for a day in my life.

>>21242
What are your interests?

>>21248
Video games and music for the most part.

I did it!

I used what little bravery my pathetic body has and used it to fight off some assholes playing shite music out loud and away from my home.

Unfortunately, it didn't work and I ended up getting hit pretty hard in the face with a rock, since they were scared of me since I was wielding a hammer. I failed terribly and needed stitches on my face and finger, but I at least tried!

I kind of want to die.

I don't even know what to say, honestly. Being forced into college sucks. I really just want to die. But I'm too chickenshit to actually kill myself. Maybe I can just stop existing.

>>21296
What's so bad about it for you?

>>21297
I'm just not smart. I was always put in the gifted programs and the advanced placement courses, and everyone describes me as "really intelligent", but honestly? It's a fucking lie. I'm dumber than a bag of cowshit abandoned on the highway. I've always been bad at math, and education based work where I'm "learning" things has always made my depression flare for some unknown reason.
I can go from having the best day ever to wanting to hang myself if you make me do school work. It's been years since I was in High School, so I had the slightest hope that maybe I wouldn't feel the same as I did back then, but absolutely nothing has changed.
Back when I was in High School, I used to mow lawns for money so I could buy videogames and figures. I liked that I could just listen to music, not have anyone bother me, and I could complete the task and get paid. I hate how everything is based on being social.
I want to be alone, watching anime in my room. It's all I want anymore.

So I just got a fortune cookie that says: "Travel is in your future",

It's kind of absurd and strange seeing as I'm nothing more than a NEET that doesn't like seeing people, interacting with people, going outside, or any of that stuff, I'm just looking oo deeply into what a frigging fortune cookie says for some reason.

I pretty consistently feel as if my life is an imposition, and I feel intense shame for being alive.

I hate being alive. I don't know what to do, I can't look to the future and see anything worth living for. I'm so sick of everything! I just want to sleep forever and fade away, Haven't I done enough? There isn't even much for a person like me to do since I'm nothing, My existence is nothing more than a mistake that nobody really wanted so why do I still exist?! I don't even want myself,

What anime & manga characters would be pickup artists IRL?

>>21298
Mother fucker if you feel so strongly about it why don't you just get a job out side of college education drop out find a nice small place where you can seclude your self an be happy? You are a introvert just like the rest of us. learn to accept yourself. Your wants an needs is what should come first priority.

I'm so exhausted. I have been neet for over five years now and lately I've been getting more and more lazy. Nowadays I don't even try to bother making food anymore, I just eat bread and candy so that I don't die to hunger.

This is pretty much the only place I write to people online. Thanks for existing, I guess.

>>21459
I'm also being fed, out of pity i guess.
If we don't eat we'll eventually die, and this i leave with time.
Only wish my mother could die already, i may change my mind and suicide before, don't really feel nothing anymore.

sometimes I feel like I'm masochistic because some emotion is better than nothing. Maybe there's something called training oneself to be happy but that's really subtle appreciation of routine which always fades away here and there.

Just completely screwed up yet another job interview because of my extreme social anxiety. I struggle to have a normal conversation with someone I don't know in the best of circumstances, so in the case of a stressful situation like an interview I always seem like a babbling retard.

I'm completely unhireable.

>>21477
what are you going to do now?

>>21478
I frankly don't know. I'm pretty much boned,despite having decent education in a field that surprisingly has a lot of jobs open.

>>21498
You're like twenty, dude. Lighten up.

>>21131
If you come across as vulnerable then sociopaths will likely go for you. When they find out you're actually not weak-minded they get bored and move on. This happens to me with some frequency.

>>21502
The experiences I've gone through has definitely taught me many things about people and how to handle them. Sociopaths or anyone in general provide a fun challenge in understanding them. No amount of sincerity will ever change my mind about people, though.

I had a once in a lifetime chance to see a free conference by Richard Stallman and I just screwed it up.
I never go to those types of things or any event really, but that is one I would have wanted to see.

I don't believe it. The last place I'd expect to find mlp cancer is in university science/math homework given by a 40-ish year old teacher and yet it fucking happened.

>>21561
So tolerant. So progressive!

I'm so damn bored.

I'm sick again. I wish I would just die already.

So I was playing this online game, and I just quit right now. I've been playing for about a month and was in an alliance, so I'm sure that I disappointed a few people.

I can't stand games where I'm forced to have to interact with other people. I didn't know that that game was going to be like that when I started but if I did I would've avoided it. I think that there might have been a few people that thought me of me as a friend, but I can't do that. I don't want "friends". I only end up disappoint everybody, including myself.

At least they'll forget about me eventually.

I think I have something like schizophrenia or tourette. I don't know what it would be defined as but sometimes words just fall out when I'm not paying attention and I'm really terrified I'll do it in front of somebody eventually. They're usually violent or nonsensical things. "kill yourself" "I'll kill them all". I never mean it.I get stressed and upset and I don't know if that's the initial trigger but I never want to hurt anyone. I dont know why it happens. Sometimes I'll start to say something and catch myself just in time to remember people are in the next room that would hear me. The other night during class I slipped just a little but no one noticed. The professor was giving a lecture and "kill yourself" came out as a whisper. I instantly became terrified but I looked around and no one seemed to notice. I dont know if it's the kind of thing I should talk about with anyone. I just want to hide it as long as possible and hope no one ever catches me saying creepy ass shit to myself.

I am 25, and for the last seven or so years I've believed that Gensokyo exists and that somehow it's possible to go there (without dying). I don't know what it says about me that I still cling to this belief, even though deep down I understand that it's impossible. I just can't let go of it, because I find the idea of it to be beautiful, and my life is completely empty and directionless. So after such a long time my belief has expanded to the point where I have a physical location for Gensokyo, where it used to be when it was still part of this world, and I've developed a rudimentary understanding of the boundaries. The key to everything lies "between". Between life and death, waking and sleeping, night and day, fantasy and reality. And the colours are connected to this idea. The red and the blue. I've started to believe that it is possible to learn Yukari's power. I have fallen in love with the colour purple, I believe it is the way out of this world. I think that if other people knew about this they would diagnose me with something.

I've been yearning for a way out of this existence ever since I can remember, definitely at least from age 5, probably longer, since I was shunned by humans even at age 3 when first placed among them. I still kind of believe that I wasn't supposed to exist in the first place.

I'm pretty nervous about posting this, but I really feel like I need to rant a bit right now. I can't maintain this NEET lifestyle forever. My only two options are to either work or die and I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. My mother isn't getting any younger and I feel awful for being nothing more than a leech to her. I'm already sick of trying to find work. It's not a surprise that nobody wants to hire the 22 year old high-school dropout with a GED and no work experience. Even if I got an interview they'd probably turn me down when they realize I have no social skills and don't do a very good job of taking care of myself. I can't believe it, I'm actually struggling to find a minimum wage job. I've even been turned down by fast food places and grocery stores for something as simple as stocking shelves or operating a cash register. "We have decided to pursue other candidates who are better suited for this position." Just end it already. I can't even really enjoy my spare time anymore because I barely find anything fun these days. Whatever small personal relationships I have left on the internet are falling apart or have fallen apart. I'm just an awful guy to be around, I'm nothing but a boring downer.

My voice has gotten pretty bad. While I can talk more or less normally from the little bit that I've seen, I can't sing like I used to. It feels like there's something wrong with my throat and I'm not sure what to do and I've been like this for over a week.

To be honest, I like that this is happening because I don't believe that I should be singing, but the thing is that singing makes me feel happy. If I sing well, I just get some enjoyment that I don't really get from anywhere else.

It's almost my birthday. I can't really say that I'm looking forward to it.

Welp, It's my birthday. I don't know what to do besides playing games and doing whatever else to distract myself, like every other day.

Oh, well.

I'm having a little episode where I just can't feel pleased enough to be distracted by much. Ever sine SGDQ ended, I just can't get the same excitement that I got from spamming the chat with the cute emote. I only feel uneasy, upset, and a little nervous.

I guess that the only good thing that I can say is that I've decided to start exercising again. My body feels a bit sore, but I guess that that's a good thing. I've been lifting weights for a long while despite not exercising in close to 2 years, so I'm pretty buff, but not in shape at all. It does help with keeping nasty people away since I am pretty strong and even seem like it.

I still wish I were dead, though. I haven't really had much of a reason to get out of bed besides boredom, and the only thing that I'm looking forward to is the new MH game, I just can't find much reason to keep on going. I'm just tired of mostly everything in the shitty 3D world.

I hate, I detest, I loathe and I abhor writing. There is no greater torture for me than being forced to write text.
Life is not worth writing for.

Apparently my mother had a "mini-stroke" or something yesterday. I was kind of surprised by the news, and came to start thinking about my mother and her dying again. I have no idea what I'd do if that were to happen, and I'd be unable to live anywhere since nobody else gives a single shit about me aside from my mother and my uncle, and my uncle can do absolutely nothing for me.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Now that I take a bigger look at my life, it only seems to be filled with horrible people and liars. It's been like that before I was born and steadily strong even 25 years after. I try to live my life as honest and as straightforward as possible, however, that doesn't seem to change anything.

There was no way for someone like me to get anywhere in life. I couldn't do much on my own. I was set up before I was even born.

And, are you fucking kidding me? In something like that! I didn't understand at first, even though I knew that it was important, I had no idea the lengths put into something as stupid as that only for me to end up in the same position. What was the point in only judging me by what others had to say? What few actions I had to perform? It's not like anybody knows what I'm really like when nobody spends any time with me. Hell, it wasn't until recently that my mother found out that I am a genuinely decent person, and I've lived with her my entire life.

I really am cursed. Nothing but bad things consistently occur in my life. It's only filled with miss opportunities, failed attempts, broken and/or non-existent dreams, and a broken heart. If past lives are a thing, then what did I do that would earn me this much? Why not just erase me from being reborn or whatever? Why do I even exist? If I'm to be denied everything, then wouldn't the world just be the same without me? Wouldn't it be fine, if not better if I wasn't born? Then, why am I here? Why am I posting these stupid messages that nobody will (hopefully) read or fully understand because of how poorly I express my thoughts (and sometimes go off to do other things in while typing this whiny garbage that just ends up getting garbled up with my forgetful mind)? I'm just a waste of time wasting time.

I think that I might need to either leave or kill myself soon. I don't think that I really have many options in my life, and while I knew that I wasn't going to have a happy ending by any means, I thought that I'd at least be able to do something to maybe prove that I had some value in some way, but that was wishful thinking.