I've come to realized I can't be a NEET forever and forced myself to get back to working, but no telling how long it's going to last. For a while I also considered the prospect of romantic relationships, only to come to terms with what I already knew at heart and accept that it's not for me. You could say I've given up and hopes or delusions of my life ever changing (for the better). Have also lost interest in more and more things, and now barely do anything with my free time but sit in front of my pc and wait for the day to end. Generally speaking I've become more and more apathetic to the world over the years.

Now I hate women.

>>22218
This.

I've grown more bitter and angry.

Similar to you; I have learned that anger doesn't usually do you any good to have, although you don't want to be soft, either. I finally stopped drinking so much, which is good, but now I'm wondering what I should do with my life. I know that I have to change my direction in life, but I have no clue. Reading a lot of books used to help, but now I have to do something else.

Realizing I'll likely never be satisfied in this reality and suicide was all along a completely rational decision.

I quit the religion I was forced into during adolescence. Stripping that away I found the real person inside gasping for air.

OCD got out of control and completely destroyed any chances I had left to reintegrate into the world.

Then it finally hit me that this life happened for real.

I am less naive and my hours spent gaming has reduced by 60 per week. Otherwise the same.

Besides my family all the people that I cared about and cared for me have just faded away and moved on. And in that span I realize how hard it'll be to find people that appreciate me after interacting with quite a number of more normal people. I don't feel bitter or angry as much though, my heart has become a big empty kind of "void". Probably going to start working soon and even though I wouldn't be absolutely terrible in a job I'll eventually get bitter and angry because of it.

I've given up on all notions of conventional 'success' and 'failure', and all aspirations for a dream future in which everything is stable and I'm loved by somebody... somehow, I managed to come out of this much calmer and less anxious than before, when these thoughts plagued me. I suppose that so long as there's a means of escapism, I'll have a reason to go on, though the irony of that fact isn't lost on me.

I guess that I've gotten stronger? I'm not entirely sure in ways I've changed besides that not having to deal with the whole heart thing. I guess that I've become a bit more of an asshole within the last three years because of my paranoia and such.

I've been a NEET for, like, 8 years. That's when my life changed in the hugest way possible. Right now I'm still just doing much of nothing and waiting to die. I'm still bitter, but a little more angrier.

>>22216
I get angrier much more easily to the point where it's hair trigger, I absolutely hate my family and women in general, I judge just about everyone I see and have a terrible I-am-in-the-right-you-are-in-the-wrong attitude and refuse to listen to anyone's opinion if they are politically opinionated but do not blame the Jews for the injustice, corruption and collapse of the world.

>>22445
>refuse to listen to anyone's opinion if they are politically opinionated but do not blame the Jews for the injustice, corruption and collapse of the world.
That's pretty left-field. Where did anyone mention Jews?

I actually love Jews (for the most part). They have a really rich and interesting culture. All the weird bronze age stuff is really fascinating, especially when you get context for it. Of course, there are "non-Jews", people who are ethnically but not culturally Jewish. The place of the Jewish people in our world is such a bizzare thing. One might even think an average /tc/ user could relate to them, being a consistently and systematically oppressed people. But of course you have Holocaust deniers and people like that...I'd really rather not start in on such things though.

In the past 3 years I feel like I've become more understanding of people in general. I've been developing a misanthropic streak but it's okay because I have it in check - I know I'm shit too, just like everyone around me. Because we're all garbage who constantly misunderstand each other and are disgusting, we should at least strive to be kind to one another. That's how I feel at least. People here will call such thoughts trite or pointless or stupid though.

>>22449
Not the guy you're responding to but I think it's pretty easy to understand jew hate.

It's acceptable to shit on christians, and for good reason. Thing is when you start looking at their religion where does most of the criticism come from? The old testament. Who still holds to large swathes of that? Jews. It only gets worse when you look at jew-specific books.

Jews being "chosen people" has led to a culture of elitism and snobbery. So it's no wonder in finances this has led the jew to feel fine taking more than he gives in value. To fuck people over in politics, and to craft systems that favor them while pretending to be so kind and universalist.

I was raised in a very evangelical household. And I believed in the bible for some time. I read it, and the truth I found was rather despicable. The more I learn about these people the more I distrust them.

I'm not a not a nazi or one of these newfangled "libertarian" fascists. I just see the plain truth that jews have repeatedly fucked entire nations over. No other group of people have received such consistent hatred, and no other group has needed so many protections and special treatments to survive.

I suppose for myself that's a way I've changed. I've became more racist. At first it really scared me and then I just quit giving a fuck since I don't have any social hits to take from it. Truth be told I was already racist and just pretending I wasn't.

Polite sage since these topics are discouraged, but I felt i should reply.

I have accepted that I will always have an undercurrent of depression looming no matter how good or bad life is. Depression feels like part of who I am at this point. I'm still unmotivated in most aspects of life but I feel like it has become slightly easier to force myself to do stuff.

>>22449
I'd say the guy who responded to you summed up my feelings pretty accurately, but I will add on a few brief notes worth mentioning.

The Jews have purposely made themselves alien no matter where they go, and have made it a point. They formed their own quarters, all over the world, have in ancient times said one thing to you in hebrew and an entirely different thing in your native language. Every bit of ire that I have for them has been earned. I live in a state saturated with them. They genuinely believe they are above you and me, or anyone who goes to public school. Their antics have been recorded for millennia, the cardinal rule is if a Jew is found promoting something, it is not only detrimental to you, but your entire country and its culture. When people blame politicians, they do not understand that they actually blame the Jews. Our American society is filled with their disgusting culture and media and they are even kind enough to print your money and dictate interest rates. Interest, another purely Jewish concept drives people's greed as is intended, and lets them continue their ancient usurious practices on you. Do not be fooled by their lust for money, they are much more dangerous than just simple money grabbers. They want it all, everything, including your ass. Look out for Jewish names, it shouldn't be too hard since they are in literally every facet of our lives. Newspaper, movie, show, writer, director, producer, media company, media mogul, investment banker, I could go on till the cows come home. Their place in this world appears bizarre because they do not belong in any speck of it. It doesn't matter what they claim, religious, non-religious, non-practicing, observant, secular, buddhist, christian convert, these are all meaningless titles. To a Jew he will tell you whatever he is when it best suits him. He will play on your field AND your enemy's. Think conservatives and liberals, or even an opposition (controlled). Their culture is one of hate, paranoia, and thirst of money and power. Of course no modern historian would tell you anything past "They are the go to scapegoat for every country, for no reason whatsoever, and also they killed Christ." because they are either Jewish historians or historians who are too weak willed to speak up. The amount of Jewish lobbies in America alone is astounding. That's about as much as I'll elaborate.

Great, I double posted using my phone. Sorry everyone

Post edited on 23rd Jan 2017, 6:42pm

My music taste has improved significantly.
I'm also more self aware.
I have given up on the idea that being "normal" and "fitting in" will make me happy. I'm still not happy but I'm for sure less stressed.

>>22514
>My music taste has improved significantly.
Why is something like that noteworthy to you?

>>22514
>improved
How so? Do you mean you have found music that you enjoy more? Is it more personal? Is it more popular? Did you mean that you have grown to appreciate music more? I need to know.

As for me, I've gone to university. It's been ups and downs, and my social life has improved, though it is still obvious that I don't really fit in. Not hermit/Hikikomori level, but I still think I prefer being on my own, probably because it's what I'm used to. The only problem is that if I don't want to be alone, people aren't always available.
this is entirely understandable, but it doesn't make it suck any less.

>>22519
What are you in school for, anon?

Aerospace Engineering. It sounds quite silly now but the Rosseta mission was resurfacing in the news right about the time I was applying. I got really into it and it just made me think "damn, I want to do that!". It wasn't an easy choice though. I was (still am) very worried about debt, and graduate employment rates are, quite frankly, appalling. Thinking about it I probably wound myself up more than I needed too, but I was almost at the point where I tossed a coin; either education or getting work on an oil rig until I figured out what the hell else I might want to do.
I suppose it shows that my choice was more impulsive than well thought out-my enthusiasm has been dropping for some time, to the point that I don't bother going in anymore. I think I've re-kindled it a little, but it took a bit of a shake up to do it. We're all going to make it I guess.
sorry for blog post

>>22516
>Why is something like that noteworthy to you?
Music is a big part of my life. The only time I'm not listening to music is when I'm making it, either on my guitar or on my computer. The right piece of music can completely change your mood or mindset. It helps me combat my anxiety, I can lose myself in a song and forget about the outside world. The only time I go outside other than for essential things like food is when I go to gigs. Normally I just go alone and sober, but the music is what matters.
>>22519
>How so?
I used to listen to really shitty "emo" music like sleeping with sirens and black veil brides. Looking back I cringe at it.
>Do you mean you have found music that you enjoy more?
Yes, I have delved deep into music and listen to things beyond that which I ever thought I would enjoy. It turns out there is so many layers to music and so much of a variety of emotions it can carry. Like there isn't just "sad music", it can convey things like impending doom or dread or regret or loss or fear or depression etc. It's like getting a look into someone else’s soul.
>Is it more personal?
It's more deep, I feel a much stronger connection to the artist and their intent which means I can relate better to it. Sometimes I'll hear a certain song at the perfect time and it will completely give me a new perspective.
>Is it more popular?
The opposite actually. Niche communities tend to be much nicer
>Did you mean that you have grown to appreciate music more?
Definitely. Music is one of the main reasons I haven't killed myself yet.

>>22216
>Music is one of the main reasons I haven't killed myself yet.
anon, I...

In all seriousness though, I find your perspective interesting. I would say that I have quite a good appreciation of music (and I certainly have quite personal tastes). Nevertheless I have never really had an emotional connection to it; not in the same way that you clearly do. I only seem to be able to grasp it on a surface, aesthetic level. For sure I experience emotions when listening to music, but I can't really let a piece of music control my mood, as you put it.
I am slightly envious of you anon.

>>22528
Ok maybe I exaggerated a little with that last part I was kinda drunk when I wrote that.
It can be pretty annoying because I tend to judge people a lot just based on their music taste, or at least in the past I have. Someone who just listens to top 40 trash I will pretty much automatically lose respect for them or not take them seriously even if they may have other merits. I guess that isn't too unusual though.

>22216
>I tend to judge people a lot just based on their music taste
Not really anything wrong with that. You can tell if people like what they like because they actually like it or just think they like it because it's easy to find and is inoffensive

>>22525
>Music is one of the main reasons I haven't killed myself yet.

Last.fm, in its heyday, had a group of edgy gothic little girls named like that. I used to fap to it, obviously. You sure you're not from there?

>>22525
I completely understand.

In my experience, working on music is one of a select few things that can make the sense of impending doom I constantly feel to go away, at least briefly. I feel like we're only alive to combat entropy/to create. I don't feel good when I can't for whatever reason. I don't think I'd kill myself without it but it makes life able to be endured, especially in the terrifying times we live in.

Obviously not everyone will feel the same way about music specifically.

Year one: national socialist. good neighbor. went to church for the morals and the image that came with it, didn't actually believe in god. i had it in my head that i wanted to be an inspirational figure for every white millennial. and that's what i did.
this was a constant conflict with myself, though. i may have appeared normal to people but deep inside i was struggling with mental illness and rampant sexual deviancy and homosexuality. i felt hugely inferior.
Year two: realized trying to shepherd people is a waste of time. everyone has sub 80 IQ's. wanted to kill myself for a while. gave up politics because politics are all about helping people and i didn't want to help people, i wanted them to die. i still do.
i had quit video games and anime during my natsoc phase. i relapsed year two and bought all my old games back.
briefly took up philosophy near the end of this year and studied nietzsche. this made me not want to kill myself as bad anymore. i learned to only care for myself and disregard what people around me are doing completely.
Year three: >>>/mai/20481
that happened.

>>22631
I know this is gonna sound cliche as all hell, but you really shouldn't have tried to be someone you're not. It's good to have aspirations and all, but not when they completely go against what came before.

>>22631
>i didn't want to help people, i wanted them to die. i still do.

I don't believe you actually do. More than likely, you just want people to cut you some slack... to realize that you've been through a lot and that you're tired and maybe to not judge you so hard. You are angry at society though and perhaps rightly so, but believe me when I say you don't want to feed that. Because it chips away at your sanity, slowly but surely, and it takes you to a place you don't want to be and never envisioned yourself being in.

>>22648
While normies do continue to surprise me with how staggeringly retarded they are, I do have to wonder about this bit:

>normies don't have liberal sensibilities. they don't have any sensibilities

In my experience millennial normies are very much 'liberal' even if they're completely ignorant of politics, if only because leftist viewpoints are by far and away the 'safest' viewpoints to have. Colleges and universities across the western world have become parody-like in their incessant groupthink and leftwing circlejerking; even staff are fired for disagreeing with the universally-agreed-upon rhetoric followed by students and teachers alike. I'd wager that to your average millennial Ford Driver, to whom social acceptance is paramount, going along with the herd and their political stance is oftentimes simply the path of least resistance even if they weren't or aren't particularly interested in politics.

>>22649
>>22648
I tend to associate normies with knee-jerk rightwing opinions, but maybe it's just where I live.

>>22636
I can't speak for that guy, but when I'm feeling particularly bitter, "I wish everyone would leave me alone" becomes "I wish everyone would die." Then I realize I'd die pretty fast without any support because I'm a worthless hikki without any survival skills and I feel even worse.

>>22648
>said man who knows nothing about me other than four sentences.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be presumptuous or anything.

>you should see these guy's reaction to political discussion. i figured they'd be like, innately liberal or something and i'd get some angry rebuttal over anything mildly right wing i said, but i didn't. normies don't have liberal sensibilities. they don't have any sensibilities. they're empty, and not willing to let anyone fill in the canvas. they'd just stare at the floor like a dumb dumb till i was finished talking and then they'd act like i had said nothing, like the last two minutes i was yapping didn't happen.

Have you tried talking one-on-one to them? People generally don't want to say anything subversive while in a group, especially if they're uncertain of what the group expects of them. Other times they've not really given it that much thought because a) it doesn't affect them in their immediate circumstances or b) they know how bitter and resentful one can get when delving into things like politics and they don't want the negativity in their lives. Maybe they've got more than enough shit to deal with.

There's also a third option. Maybe they simply don't agree with you but don't really want to press the issue because, like most people, they're conflict-avoidant and want to get along with you. Ever think of that?

The reason I disagree with your assessment is because I know that most people, especially the low-IQ ones, are highly opinionated, even concerning things they know very little about.

I believe you were presenting the information too quickly and without giving them enough time, or reason, to open up to your ideas. Maybe they did agree with you about certain things, maybe they didn't. If you were to relax a little and be less intimidating and more genuine about who you really are as a person, maybe they'd be willing to share their opinions with you and be willing to consider yours.

I'm not telling you to "jus b urself :^)" but you have to build some sort of genuine friendship on an individual level in order to successfully disseminate things of such grave magnitude as the redpill. They have to first see you as sensible, kind and enjoyable to be around in order for them to even consider your opinions to be anything other than (what would otherwise be to them) the ramblings of a lunatic.

Cleaning up this thread. If you want to discuss how you've changed in the last three years continue to do so. If you want to discuss other crap or call eachother stupid then go do it somewhere else.

I've been able to hold my jobs decently after going years of being a NEET. Sure I lost my last one but it was no fault of my own.
Age is hitting me like a ton of bricks and is freaking me out.
Sometimes I wonder and worry about what I'm doing with my life, which isn't much. Things have been feeling really pointless and it'll only get worse.

I've done nothing else other than hate change. I've been a NEET for a very long time and my only joy was back in either 2010 or 2011. This was a favorite chan to come to when I didn't feel like posting on /jp/. Which now, I hardly ever post on any these days. There's no joy in much of anything. I'll probably have to start wageslaving someday soon, too. As someone that tried so hard to keep the sort of life I wanted, it's overwhelming having to realize I might have to give up, do the things everyone else is forced to do...

I actually haven't posted for what seems like 3 years. I'm more or less a different person. I've taken to improving my physical health, started to work more, actually done things in my bucket list, and more and more. I still think the same, but with less of a care about how shitty my situation is and more about how I can get through the day ignoring it. I still hate people, actually, I hate people more now than ever with the constant interaction I'm forced to have with them at work.

i've grown complacent and fat. there's no hope for me

more education, more skills, more life experiences

generally better all around but not without some heartbreak and struggling

>>22758
aren't your parents wealthy or something?

hope is a normal meme there's nothing better than hiki life on planet earth, out there is full of evil FULL OF IT

I used to be much nicer towards people and making others happy used to make me happy. Now I'm cold, bitter, angry, jealous, and a mess of negative emotions that begs for death.

>>22776
You're like the mom from Carrie.

I don't even lurk tohno-chan as much any more.

>>22718
Like other posters, I tried to be someone I'm not for the sake of trying to go along with being normal to cure my loneliness, but I found it intolerable and unrewarding. I eventually broke down and became desperate, making everything else in my life suffer for it.

I feel less lonely and more able to tolerate the other aspects of my life much better now with my waifu than I could when trying to be social with any 3D person.