/so/ - Ronery
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File 144593843750.png - (722.98KB , 1024x576 , cute anime screencap2015-02-08-04h27m25s13.png )
20868 No. 20868 [Edit]
Post cute anime girls in this thread every time you think about killing yourself
418 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Expand all images
>> No. 22610 [Edit]
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>> No. 22611 [Edit]
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22611
I wish there were more things to life besides work and internet.
>> No. 22612 [Edit]
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>> No. 22613 [Edit]
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>>22611
>work

i think i may have found your problem
>> No. 22615 [Edit]
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>> No. 22616 [Edit]
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>> No. 22618 [Edit]
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>>22613
Working is actually good for me though. Being forced to concentrate on something helps me keep most of the unpleasant thoughts away.
I don't enjoy playing games, reading books or watching anime that much anymore. Escapism doesn't work anymore for me.
>> No. 22620 [Edit]
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22620
Dropped out of college and now I spent the days playing games.
>> No. 22621 [Edit]
>>22616
... That really looks like Henrietta minus the hairband. If that's her wow the irony. Cutie double suicided.
>> No. 22630 [Edit]
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>> No. 22637 [Edit]
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>> No. 22639 [Edit]
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>> No. 22640 [Edit]
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I hate you Demiurge
>> No. 22641 [Edit]
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>> No. 22642 [Edit]
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>> No. 22645 [Edit]
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>> No. 22682 [Edit]
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22682
It's a shame that apparently there is no afterlife after suicide.

https://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/bible-study/what-happens-when-we-die/
https://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/bible-teach/where-are-the-dead/

It kind of begs the question, is there a logical point in living if one day we will all just vanish forever and ever? A counsciousness is like a Universe of its own, so wouldn't death be like how things were in the instant preceding the Big Bang, but lasting forever? I so much wish there was some kind of afterlife waiting for me. The mere thought of seeing my memories erased is in itself terrifying, let alone stop seeing, hearing, thinking and so on. I hope that after all this suffering, after my suicide, I am rewarded with a beautiful afterlife, the easy life I always dreamed of. Really, there's no point in prolonging suffering in this life, even if the only other option is this dead death, non existence forever. I think ultimately everything that we see and will be seen in the future was predestined to happen from the inception of the Universe and none of this is supposed to have any meaning or make sense, reality itself is non determinable. And so any thoughts about meaning and feelings upon life are just mere consequences of a randomic evolution made real by simple chemicals. It's all just an illusion created by DNA itself that helps spread our genes. Still, I really really want to be reborn and have my carnal wishes fulfilled, even if I acknowledge I'll just disappear. This is my goodbye to you, tohno chan.
>> No. 22683 [Edit]
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>>22682
Maybe we'll meet in Valhalla, but honestly I don't mind my existence ending. The idea of an afterlife is just irritating to me, every story needs to end eventually. Strange, last night I had a dream that I was shooting myself in the head repeatedly trying to see if killing myself in my dream would kill me in real life. I don't have a really depressed or emotional reason to kill myself, it just appeals to me as a way to stop living. Like turning off a switch, I don't want anything else to turn off that switch. When I get very bored, and stop being able to enjoy anime or manga, I'll definitely do it.
>> No. 22684 [Edit]
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>>22682
>It kind of begs the question, is there a logical point in living if one day we will all just vanish forever and ever?
Yes- to enjoy it. However, if you earnestly don't enjoy life at all, it's certainly easy to make the case that there is no point.

>This is my goodbye to you, tohno chan.
I'd rather you didn't have to take that path, but it's your decision, after all. Goodbye, friend.
>> No. 22685 [Edit]
>>22682
See you tomorrow.
>> No. 22688 [Edit]
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22688
I pussied out and am still here. I guess I learned the lesson, don't make suicide posts if you don't want to feel embarrassed for it. I wish upon death you can be given the chance to start over. I wish you can choose the date you're born, the place you're born, your height, your skin, eye and hair colour, your house or apartment, your family, your wealth, perks like health, intelligence and charisma, and then start your new life. I think such thing ever existing is the only chance I have of being happy. I didnt ask to be born like this. And I'll never be happy in this life. The only way out is suicide, the only way I could ever get to what I was talking about in the beggining would be diying. I have nothing to live for. Even when you take into account any interests and hopes. It's terrible to know that this is the only life I have. Please please please why can't there be a benevolent God who fullfills my wishes? I just want to be reborn and start it from ideal conditions. I'm a terrible person and I was given a fucked up life. I don't want to keep living like this. I want a second chance. My life is wasted and there's no way of me ever achieving any of my life dreams and hopes or anything else, not even by far. Please let there be a God that is listening to what I'm saying and will give me what I'm asking for. I don't know what I'll do with my life. I can see myself trying to make it more bearable for the next months or even years and then failing, I can see myself keep living only on very basic needs like just food, water, a bed to sleep and a toilet to use, I can see myself suiciding in any possible day. I'm tired of being like this, I don't want to live, I don't know what the hell to do. There's nothing I can do and things will never get any better. To me the only pleasure I still have in life is typing these texts for some reason. At least they give me something to do. The only chance I have of ever being happy is getting everything I want spoonfed. I don't want to have liver problems anymore, I don't want to be a third worlder anymore, I don't want to live with this single mother who hates every cubic inch of my existence anymore, please if there's a God listening to this please help me. Its funny, I have almost accepted there's really no chance of this dream ever happening. Ill just die and disappear. There's no God who cares about a creature like me. Even devout Christians, when confronted with the question, if God exists then why do some people suffer so much, they answer it's not that God doesn't exist, it's just that God is not there. I don't want to suffer anymore. Why did they create us if they don't care. Why cause suffering for no reason, is the just entertainment? Do they even know? Call me a lunatic but when I look at religious texts, when I look at DNA and the history of life on Earth, and when I look at the Universe, I can't help but co conclude what we call God is some alien civilization who put life on Earth on an effort to build some kind of colony or base, we're like probes they sent into space, got here and spread because the Earth is suitable. I guess in that sense much of life on Earth, if not all, was programmed to exist since the first DNA, we're here to make a base or whatever for this God. The Bible says there's actually no Heaven or Hell, we just die. I don't know where I'm going with this. I suppose it's just a natural instinct to go completely mad when you have been tortured for all your life. I don't want this anymore. I want to be reborn in a different life and keep my memories and everything. I don't think there's anyone reading this but do you know how I wish my life was? I don't know either. I try to think three possibilities. First and easier as some nice looking girl with skills like cooking, knitting, painting and so on. I'd marry a friend of mine and dedicate the rest of my life to his happiness. Second is perhaps the one I want the most. Learning a lot of stuff like Japanese, CS and coding, and moving to Japan early on my life, around the 2000s, and enjoy the easy life there for the rest of my life, hopefully I'd win in the lottery in this life, but I could get rich out of bitcoins as well. Third one is way more autistic so i won't tell it. If there is someone almighty reading this, please please grant me a wish. I don't want to die forever and I can't stay alive either, I have been suicidal since I was 12 at least, I think that was the first time I did it. Please help me. Nobody should be subject to this much agony. Give me a second chance God. I know much of the problem is myself, I know I'm mentally impaired, I know I'm terrible, bad, sinful in nature, but that's also much of the reason I want to be reborn. Please God. There must be something else to this. Even if there is I probably won't get to see it. And asking there must be something else to this in despair is only a natural emotional reaction, something predictable on this context, it doesn't mean there must be something else. I don't want to be like this. Please somebody help me. I don't want to just die. And I don't want to live this life either. What is going to happen in the next instant of my life? One day from now? One week from now? Let alone a month or a year. I can't stand this anymore. Maybe I should just stay alive with the hope future technologies will let me be reborn in my ideal life? But if I try to enjoy this life, even if I fail, wouldn't that disqualify me from being reborn, since I decided to stick with this life instead of a new one? I know this entire post is insane, is schizophrenic, is psychosis, is disgusting to read, I know I'm shitting up such a great community such as tohno chan merely by existing, I know and I agree, isn't that all more reason to kill myself? I'm afraid to do die, I'm afraid to do anything, I'm in despair, I am completely powerless, I feel like I was hit in the head, thrown into a boat, and woke up in the middle of the ocean. There's this unending storm, there's extremely strong winds, gusts, heavy rain and hail, thunder, lighting, waves, I don't know where I am, my boat is completely broken, it's small, I try to move it's steering wheel but it doesn't work, I can't go anywhere, the storm never fades, I don't want to live in poverty anymore, I don't want to be a terrible person anymore, I just want my little things. I don't want to be famous I don't want a friend or a 3DPD I don't want power I am just asking to have at least average life by say American standards. I would like to be reborn in Pittsburgh I tell you. On Mount Washington or South Slopes. In a big house. Born to a stable loving family. Single child. They're above average on income and don't hesitate to give me the things I ask for when they can afford. I'd be reborn on 1985. I like the number 10/10 so that's my birthday. I'd have a strong health, I'd be that kind of person who can eat like a pig and still don't get any fat. By the age of 10 I'd regain consciousness, and all my memories from this life. At that age I'd start watching anime, reading manga, ask my parents to go to Comikets, bronswe 90s internet, and heavily study programming and Japanese. I'd get into CMU Computer Science and get a exchange program in Japan. Having graduated I'd work in Pittsburgh for some years and move to Japan working there. I'd get rich out of Bitcoin and other stuff. And live happily ever after. Maybe what if you make it so my parents move to Japan before I'm 10, and they're already rich and live in a mansion by then. The would be even better but I'll take the first option. Please let me live like that. Come on, there must be some God reading this. Doesnt Quantum Physics​ say there must be an universal​ observer to everything? If time travel is possible a future civilization that visits Earth could find this text, reassemble my brain after I die, build a custom human body, put the brain in it, create some two robots that would work as my parents, and throw me back to time. Wouldn't that work? How about the computer simulation theory? Whoever is running this, can you please grant me this wish? Please please let this come true. I'm begging you. I can't live like this, everything is depression, I don't know what I am supposed to do, I have no future, relying on these possibilities are my only chance. Why do things have to be like this. It's a shame life has no meaning, it's a shame all this suffering is in vain, it's a shame that when we die we just disappear. What the fuck am I supposed to do. I'm in unending despair. Please please let there be a God that is listening to me. Life itself is so meaningless and sad to it's very fabric. Things are just the way they are. This is all terrible. All of this will one day just fade away. All these feelings, thoughts, ideals, it's all illusion, it's all evil. When I ask there must be something more and why is things this way I'm just acting according to my biological programming. All of this is just extreme despair that happens in vain because our existence is meaningless and an illusion. I hope I'm mistaken but just by saying that I'm proving myself. I feel like I'm inside an experiment room with no air. I'm hitting the wall, punching it, asking for help because I'm in suffocating asfixia even though deep inside I know nobody will come to save me from this agony, suffering, despair. I guess I'll end this here. I can't imagine someone having read this though​ I like when strangers tell me comforting things. I'm scared to die, I don't know what to do with my life. Will a God please grant my wish or am I destined to always experience extreme misery and die meaninglessly? Posting this image because of OP.
>> No. 22689 [Edit]
>>22688
Where do you live?
>> No. 22691 [Edit]
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22691
>>22688

>I don't think there's anyone reading this
not true

>Doesnt Quantum Physics​ say there must be an universal​ observer to everything?

Not really. Sorry.

> I can't imagine someone having read this though

I read it through twice. If you'd like to come on IRC I could maybe help you with your study of the Japanese language a bit. Unfortunately I can't help with your liver disease, residence, reincarnation, etc...
>> No. 22715 [Edit]
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>> No. 22720 [Edit]
>>22688
Tell me what it is you want then, tell me the kind of life, body, and people you wish for. What is your desire?

Post edited on 25th May 2017, 6:55pm
>> No. 22721 [Edit]
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>> No. 22722 [Edit]
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>> No. 22723 [Edit]
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>> No. 22725 [Edit]
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>>22720
I know this is some kind of trap. You're going to tell me something like hey don't kill yourself bruh you can achieve that dream in your life :D. Or this is some kind of social experiment. I don't know what you want from asking this. So I was trying to hold it and not respond. But it's so temptating and as I already told it myself I've been completely driven to insanity. So you shouldn't have asked if you didn't expect me to answer.

>Tell me what it is you want then
I want all of this pain and everything that is causing it to end. It's insane. It's not something anybody is built to withstand. If anything I'm more or less proud to have made it this far. As I said I have been suicidal since I was a kid and there are more solid and distinct reasons for me to want to die than you have fingers in both hands. I once listed all reasons why I want to suicide, I ended up with a list some six or eight pages long. And I was fair and unbiased. I then made a reason of reasons to live and got 3, they were things can theorically get better, I'm afraid to die and there's no afterlife. I have gone a little off-topic here I think. I just want to experience nice things. I want this suffering to stop. This violence, assault, humiliation, poverty, lack of future, misery, hatred, sorrow. I want it all to disappear. I don't want reasons to cry. I don't want to be powerless. I just want to chill. I want to read books, self teach me things like Japanese, I want to help others, get a job, grow in life, have money to spend on the things I like. That kind of thing. Like I said I don't want friends, I don't want 3D, I just want peace and be able to enjoy life. I'd be happy with far less than what most people consider as an irreplaceable part of their lives and yet I feel like living in life. It shows what kind of shit I have to put up with.

>tell me the kind of life
Like I said I just want peace. You know something, I think sometimes deep inside I'm actually a really good person but I was just put in the wrong place so to speak
Though it could be the opposite, one could argue I'm so arrogant I think deep inside I'm a good person. Anyway. To start with I don't want to die. I like many of the things of life. More than like. I would say I love it. Not in the daisuki kind of love. But the aishiteru kind of love. I don't know if that makes sense. And I want a life with nothing holding me back. So life without people who hate me for just existing. A life with loving parents instead of irresponsible sociopaths. A life in a first world country not in a third world shithole. I don't know where I'm going with this. I just am completely insane and mad and this is the only safety, the only comfort I have. I know I'm not welcome here either. Everyone is just chilling out posting cute girls and I'm writing these long texts. I'm sorry Tohno. I want to erase myself as I know it. I hate how I am just as much as anyone else so I suppose I at least understand you if you hate me. If anything I hate myself more than anyone else and wouldn't understand why someone would not want to hate me. It's the one thought that still makes me laugh. But I guess I'll be more direct now. Like I said I know this is some kind of trap, you're going to tell me hey you can get those things in your life, or maybe you'll just get a nice laugh for fooling a literal retard, or whatever else your intentions are, but I just need someone to talk to so here it goes.
>body
6'4. I am 6'4 irl in fact. Not hairy. West European ethnicity. Very white skin occasionally getting rosy. Silky brown hair and brown eyes. Good jawline and can grow beard. Strong torso. I want to be naturally fit ottermode even if I eat nothing but coca cola and big macs. No health issues and 120 years life expectancy even if I decide to do drugs. But I promise I won't.
>people
I don't want to be around people. Two normal parents will be more than enough. Hopefully they die soon after I'm 18 in this new life so I can enjoy the lonesome peace I dream of.
>What is your desire?
Let me be reborn in South Slopes, Pittsburgh PA on the 10/10/1985 with that kind of body, preferably in a big house with a 100k+ income parents. And let me keep my memories and all mental things that make me myself. Except get rid of the Alzheimer's and attention deficit disorder. I'll work my way from there. Study hard, get perfect grades in school, join CMU, start working, all while self teaching Japanese and STEM stuff, with a special focus on computers, and eventually get a STEM job in Japan. And hey hopefully you'll let me win in a lottery. Some 50 million dollars. That would be cool. But keep all the other things about this timeline as it is though. Every single word in every single manga. Every atom of this planet. Just give me this second chance. I'm begging you or whoever is reading this. I know I'll just die when I suicide. I know I'll just fade into eternal nothingness. But it doesn't hurt to dream. It's funny. You can laugh at me. I'm begging that you are some kind of god or there is some God reading this. It's my only hope of leaving this hell. But life is meaningless and this is all just pathetic. I'm mostly making this post because I'm on the verge of doing it again. In the last days since I made that last post I've been putting effort into changing. I watched hours of documentaries, studied a lot, went out for walks, made a CV. That kind of thing. But no matter if I try to take just one step forward. I'm automatically pulled 20 steps back. This life doesn't let me do anything. Like I said previously it's like trying to sail a boat when the steering wheel is broken, you are lost in the middle of the ocean, in the eye of a hurricane and your ship is taking a lot of water. It feels like drowning. It feels like being inside a cage or cell or whatever without oxygen and hitting the walls trying to scream for help even though you know you're alone. It feels like drowning in the middle of the ocean. Forgetting that there's no point in fighting only gets me more hurt, and makes it exponentially harder to forget it so the next time. I don't think there's a point in staying alive when it's all suffering no matter what you try. Try thinking you're trapped in a huge maze. The floor is lava. And there's no exit. It's that kind of suffering I imagine it. It doesn't make sense to stay alive knowing this is your life specially knowing that when you die there's no righteous God who had listened to you crying every day and every night begging for help, mercy and forgiveness for something I don't know what I did. Instead you just die, all the suffering in vain, and you'll never come back to life. That makes me pissed. Fuck you fuck everyone and fuck everything. I love life and wanted to live a decent one. But this shit doesn't make any sense. Blessed are those who are born with a normal mind. Even if you think you have depression and if you consider suicide I can say it from here that you're doing fine and your life is great compared to this misery of mine. I don't know where I'm going with this so I'll stop right here.
>> No. 22727 [Edit]
>>22725
Thanks for opening your mind to me. No, this wasn't a trick, and I'm not going to tell you not to kill yourself. That would be stupid, you know that better than I do. My only suggestion would be putting yourself in one of those cryogenic freezers. If people do invent technology to resuscitate you, you'll most likely wake up in a much better world, where a peaceful and enjoyable life is easier to acquire, and if they don't, well, you'll die a painless, peaceful death in your sleep when the sun consumes the earth. Of course if that's not an option normal suicide works just as well. I just wanted to know what you wanted and if it was possible that I could acquire it for you, that's why I asked. I despise those who are just looking for someone to preach bullshit to or a new social experiment. They care less about you than normal people, if that's possible.
>> No. 22729 [Edit]
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>> No. 22743 [Edit]
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>> No. 22746 [Edit]
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I was thinking about suicide by falling off of a tall building today, and I find it very irritating. On the one hand, I like the idea of feeling the sensation of falling right before I die, but then I realized that even though you'd start at a nice high place, you'd be getting closer and closer to the ground until the last thing you saw was the same, ground level existence as everybody else. I don't want to die on the ground, I want to die at a high place. So I would, rather than jumping off, prefer to go up to a tall building and shoot myself while admiring the view.

Post edited on 5th Jun 2017, 12:55am
>> No. 22747 [Edit]
>>22746
I non-ironically entertain the idea of suicide by jumping into a volcano. In my fantasy, I sell all my stuff, just update my passport, get a backpack with my papers, yummy stuff and the plane ticket to Iceland. Then I rent a car and drive up to near that activate volcano. Since there is no one to stop you, it's easy peasy, no regulations, fence or boundaries.

Then I call the car company, tell them I'll kill myself in a couple of minutes and that I left extra cash inside the car for the trouble. Then I eat my yummy food, take a deep breath, and return to the Earth.
>> No. 22750 [Edit]
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>> No. 22751 [Edit]
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>> No. 22755 [Edit]
>>22747
>buncha words
>no picture

wrong thread buddy
>> No. 22763 [Edit]
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22763
I am disgusted at myself I am utterly disgusting I'm a subhuman I should have been aborted I am an abomination of nature I am a mistake when I look at my own hands and see my own skin I feel disdain I hate being this person. I wish I could watch myself burn I wish I could just blow up. I also can't stand this fucking pain. It's too much anxiety stress whatever it makes me seriously want to kill myself it's something constant I just can't fucking stand it why is life so miserable and painful. Theres violence all the time. There are no words I can describe this non measurable pain, evil, lack of comfort, violence, despair, agony, you'll never understand what it is like, if I had an easy method to suicide I would do it. I don't have a gun. I don't have a rope. I don't live close to anywhere very tall. I don't have drugs. And being the poorfag I am i cant afford any of those things. God please let me get some serious sickness like malaria. Just let me fucking die already. There's nothing but pain. One second feels like an hour. I really can't stand this. I'm typing this only to minimize the pain. It's not going anywhere there's no point in praying God doesn't exist and if he did he certainly doesn't care about the 6'4 pile of shit that I am. Writing like this helps cope with the pain I suspect this will be a very long text. You really have no idea what this shit is like. I wan to die. There's no cure to this pain except death. I am thrashing my legs and torso around and crying and biting a pillow as I type this with the hands. I'm tired of living in this prison that is life. I hate this. This will never stop. I can't stand this anymore. If there is a God or anything like that reading this please help me I can't stand this what the fuck dis I do to you I have never did anything to anyone to deserve this. Life is fucking unfair. I'm poor ugly retarded have tons of illness my father abandoned me at birth my mother hates me and tortures me everyday. There's nothing in this misery for me. I was born only to suffer. The only thing I have enjoyed so far in life was the comforting words of anonymous losers who sympathize with this unbearable pain. You really have no idea how strong this is. I wish I could at least kill myself. I wish I could get a cancer that will kill me in one week. I can't stand being alive. I don't think I ever did. I know I never enjoyed life overall but this is just too much. I keep breaking my own records of suffering. Believe me you'll never get to experience one tenth of what I'm feeling right now. I will keep writing this. It helps cope with the pain. It's the one thing that helps. Somebody please kill me. I can't live. I can't stand this. Please somebody kill me. Any person would have already killed themselves if they could at least fucking afford it. Even if I could buy a rope which is the cheapest method I still am too fuckiing tall to hang myself from the ceiling. I don't live somewhere tall enough to jump I would need to take a taxi to get somewhere tall enough to jump and I'm a fucking NEET who is too retarded to perform even a super simple minimum wage shit job. I cant accept that the world is this fucking bad. Somebody fucking kill me already. Just give me eternal sleep. I'm tired of this fuckig misery. I'm useless. I fuck up everything I do. There's not one thing ive ever been a plus father than a minus at. I'm shitting up the board with this I love this board and I love you all but I shouldn't love you because I'm a subhuman who deserves all this suffering. Nobody wants to be loved by a fucking creep. By the monster that I am. I wish I didn't like you. It would be better for you. How is it like, being told from the worst person you cant even imagine how bad I am that this person somehow cares for you. Please burn me alive. I want to be incinerated. At this point I have somehow grown addicted to pain. At this point I want to die a somehow painful death, I wouldn't matter. Gruesome works too. If you want to blow me up from the inside. Fuck me i don't even know what the fuck am i writing anymore. I want this pain to stop. I guess what I'm saying is I wouldn't care physical pain anymore. I already have plenty. I can't breathe well. My liver keeps fickin me over. I have pain in my elbows knees back neck. I feel sporadic but very intense pain on my head and left chest. My ears feel full of pressure all the time. I could go on forever. I can't even fucking sleep because all of this pain. I'm lucky to get 4 hours sleep at best. How is it like richfags. To have loving parents who would worry about you if you told them you feel fucking sick in a number of ways. My mother tells me to fuck myself when in a good mood. In a good mood she humiliates me. Calls me all things your mother never called you. "I should have aborted you". "Useless defective baby". Or simply "I don't fucking care talk to me again or I'm gonna kick you the fuck out of my place". In a not so good mood she hits me with a frying pan repeatedly very voraciously, not only with a frying pan but also broom stick wooden chairs sometimes once with a beer bottle etc. Of course when I stopped asking her for help for anything I only ask for food now so I don't starve as well but every two or three days I have to starve myself because she won't even give me food. When I was younger she used to try to kill me. Choking usually. Never made it. Too bad. I grew up and could defend myself so she stopped. I really am writing this for no reason at all besides waiting this pain peak to stop because in still thrashing with my legs at least this kind of focuaes part of my attention somewhere else. It's not physical pain right now it's a psychological emotional mental whatever pain. Believe me it's a despair agony etc you'll never understand be glad if you're reading this you know your life is Jack shit compared to mine. I so much wish I could be just one those so called truNEETs with depression their lives are so easy and simple and yet they naively believe they're going through shit. Just not having the mother I have is already so wonderful. For the longest time I believed everyone hates their mothers because it never occurred to me that someone's mother would ever love their sons. To me the concept of loving your parents and being loved by them is so foreign. It's just unimaginable. It never occurred to me. To me parents are enemies who humiliate, haunt, hit, scare, sexually molest, try to kill you. How different would have things turned to me if I had loving parents instead. If at least I had a fucking father. If you have loving parents HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU EVEN BE A LOSER. They are literally two people who love you unconditionally. Life is easy mode for you. No, it's more than easy mode. It's basically tutorial mode. They love you. They will give you food everyday. Even if you fight sometimes it's nothing like I have to go through. Such as your mother trying to choke you to death as you hear her say through her teeth how much she hates you and regrets not having an abortion. It's funny most of these things sound they come from fiction like drama but really this is my fucking life. I'm reluctant to even call this life. This isn't life. Life is something organic. It goes with the flow. It's something positive. This is neither of those. I'm actually glad I'll die. All of this. It will all just one day fucking end, sooner or later. Nothing of this miserable existence will be remembered. I'll just die. Isn't that great. Of course I'd like to reincarnate as a rich NEET and live starting from the 90s. I'd get even richer from Bitcoin apple stocks lottery numbers etc. And I'd live my dream life. Yeah. Id get a mansion and get a giant otaku room full of figures dakis you name it. I'd watch everything all over again. From Evangelion to Gabriel Dropout. From GitS to Love Live. Id play all vidya. I'd enjoy the golden age of bulletin boards again. I'd post on ayashii world. On 2chaneru. But even if I just die that's still infinitely better than this piece of fucking hell. Speaking of hell I just hope it doesn't get even worse than this right now. Probably isn't. I seriously can't imagine it being any worse than this. Burning forever on the underground? Seriously? That's a piece of cake for me. You could throw me into a pit full of spiders snakes and scorpions. If this insanity you make me go through right now ends then that will be fine. I'm really fucking stupid and pathetic and disgusting. This whole text is only ftther proof of it. I am shitting a board. That's what I do. All I do. To shit things up. To fuck things up. Is there anyone even reading this. You must be a good person. But again, how is it like being called a good person from a slimy piece of shit? If orks existed they would be less disgusting than me. I'm trying to think of something less disgusting than me. The only thing I can think of is some fat ugly hairy Indian woman eating a literal pile of shit straight from the ass of another fat hairy Indian male in the middle of those stinking Indian slums full of trash and piss everywhere. But that's not much more disgusting than me. There's barely a difference. I'm probably more disgusting than that. I would rip my own skin out of disgust if it wasn't something extremely painful. I would like to be burn alive until there's nothing but ashes. And then that pile of ashes would be put in some kind of nuclear blast proof container locked in a way nothing can open it and then thrown into the deepest submarine trench there is. Even then the mere presence of my ashes would be polluting the container itself. Life is hell. You know sometimes I think God might even exist. Quantum Physics, the Standard Model of Particle Physics and so on are so fucking full of shit God is much more believable. Particles literally spawn out of nothing, and then instaneously annihilate each other? Ahahaha. God if you are reading this please get me out of this hell or else stick a dildo the size of the Universe on your fuckig bloody ass. None of you understand how much suffering I'm going through on both functions of time and intensity. I am willing to do anything within the real of the physically possible if I am guaranteed to get at least this suffering toend. But then it's really something divind thst has to show me the path. I dont believe anythig. Im so past insanity i addume every single person could be some kind of goveret agent deliberately spying on me, fucking up my life. I assume at any time I could wake up in a VISA torture room for no apparent reason, or wale up tied to a hospital bed being just about to become a victim to organ trafficking like in that Tourists movie. I don't believe anything not even what my own fucking eyes see so you better make it pretty clear. To be honest maybe it could justbbe the opposite. I'm so in unimaginable despair that even one drop of hope could get me to move. I dont know. I just want this pain to stop please.give me peace. I will stop writing now it's not working. I'll try doint something else like try to droen myself in a sink or just thrash my body until im exhausted. I hate this i hate this planet these people I hate you I hate myself I hate everything just please stop this. If someone in tje future is reading this this with time travel technology​ I wouldnt be posting this if they traveled back in time to prevent me from feeling this much pain out of pure goodwill. Please release. Please begone.
>> No. 22764 [Edit]
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>>22763
Feels nice being called a nice person by you, but then I don't see you as a disgusting piece of shit or anything. Your situation sounds pretty bad, and I wouldn't wish that sort of thing on anyone. I also feel like any person is probably a gov't agent spying on me, and maybe trying to kidnap me. Maybe you should do some exercise - pushups, a jog, whatever - rather than thrashing randomly. Might help, I don't know. Sorry you're in such a situation.
>> No. 22765 [Edit]
>>22763

Sounds like a shit situation. I used to be down in life very much but not this much. Hope it will get better for you
>> No. 22767 [Edit]
>>22763
cute pic
you can tell she is uncomfortable being photographed, it is very moe
>> No. 22771 [Edit]
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22771
>> No. 22772 [Edit]
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>> No. 22775 [Edit]
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22775
really feeling it strongly now, if it wasn't because I fail at everything I try I would put a plan I wrote down time ago today I want to die not become a vegetable
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