>>22817
glad u like

>>22818
this one is cute too
pls don't kill urself my man i need someone with fine taste like you to post cute anime girls

Part of me wants to die in a very hilarious and shocking way. Like going to a bridge with busy traffic under it and bungee jumping off it, but with the rope tied you know where.

I just don't understand a thing anymore. Absolutely nothing makes sense. I don't even think I exist. I now think I don't exist at all. I dunno what is the appropriate term to describe this, but I think it's something like "bad trip". I never did drugs but from lurking am familiar with the idea. My life is a really, really, really, bad trip. Today between 2PM and 9PM local time I just cried and screamed like an animal for no apparent reason in what can only be described as mental insanity. I recognize I am a subhuman, cancer, an animal, something terribly disgusting, a parasite. I feel extreme disgust just looking myself in the mirror. Today during this interval of time I just closed my eyes and started playing rock music on headphones ad loud as I could to the point it started physically hurting my ear drums just to try to escape from this reality, it is complete paranoia, I didn't want to see anything, I just shut my eyes and started playing random very loud music with headphones. Right now the slightest of noises are extremely disturbing, not because of what happened today it has been getting worse and worse long ago. When I hear cars outside or a neighbor doing something or just birds, it is extremely irritating and I start punching myself in the head. I really wish I could describe how much hatred I have for myself. English is not my first language, so I stopped thinking and writing in my native language completely because I am disgusted at it too, I feel reminded of the subhuman I am when I think in said language. The amount of disgust and insanity is just unthinkable. I'm a fucking wild animal. I'm not exaggerating or being unfair with myself, I'm genuinely convinced I'm the epitome of everything bad a human could ever be. I'm like a filter of bad things. Everything I get involved with becomes worse. It's fantastic that I can fuck up everything I make contact with. I just want out of this ride.

>>22845
>sluurrpp! liiiicck!
>oishiii!!!

>>22845
/420/ here, that's not really how a bad trip feels.
A bad trip is more like; you're convinced you're gonna die and no one can convince you otherwise. Like, "Drugs really are dangerous, I should have listened to my parents" and you start to feel really sick, even if you aren't.
It's a panic attack with a definitive cause; the substance.

What you're going though sounds like anxiety, anhedonia and depressive disorder.
Your reaction to stimuli sounds akin to typical dissociation which can easily lead into a more advanced dissociative disorder.

I can't responsibly suggest anything other than asking your physician to recommend a therapist or other specialist. You can call the reception at the clinic and tell them it's just a checkup, or if you have parents and don't want them to be suspicious.

what did i do to deserve this

>>22864
I ask myself that question every day.

It never ends.

I just returned from a 4-day bus tour to the USA. People on the bus were mostly family with children and there was a happy couple. I watched them do things normal people do, like the couple holding hands and walking, like a father feeding daughter cookies. I'm very tired of feeling jealous at these kinds of things. I'm 26 and never even dated, my childhood has few happy memories and lots of the CAS fucking with me for many years. I'm so far down a different path from those happy normal people. I just sigh and think, maybe in my next life.

Atlanta was nice, very clean. Personally, modern western architecture doesn't appeal to me but walking around there had a very laid-back vacation feeling. New York was littered with trash more than I expected.

Spending so much time with normal people was very draining emotionally, mentally and physically. I will never let my uncle talk me into this again.

>>22881
That sound like a horrible experience but I hope you at least got to see some cool sites.

This thread is a paradox, because every time I see it while scrolling I am reminded by it how much I want to die, and then I end up posting in it. Maybe paradox isn't the right word, maybe self fulfilling prophecy

I think I might have a heart attack really soon. Over the course of the last years I have always had different kinds of pains on the upper left chest, and over the last weeks it has been getting much worse. But for three days now I'm feeling it constantly, a very heavy squeezing feeling that is unpaused from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. A feeling of impending doom is a symptom of heart attacks, so there's also that. I'm mentally preparing for the moment my heart explodes, telling myself to remain calm and think of good things, and not to call an ambulance. I'm writing this in advance because I might not be able to make a goodbye post when the time comes. When you have a heart attack and don't call an ambulance, that's called a 'passive suicide', or so I have read. I hope it won't hurt as much as I think it will. I pray that upon death I can wake up into my ideal life, if not just being given a second chance with better starting stats would be great too. I really wish for that, but sadly my dream will instead vanish forever and my molecules be recycled by Earth's ecosystem for billions of years. I'm sorry for these posts. I wish there was something good.

>>22896
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angina
If that's what it is, then you could indeed end up with a heart attack any time now. I assume you have no interest to go to a doctor ASAP like you should, in which case I guess you're planning to let it take you down. If so, then I hope your sweet release is tranquil and serene.

>>22896
Best of luck, whatever happens. See you around. Or not.

What do I post if I want to kill everyone but myself?

>>22922
Ugly anime girls.

>>22929
Oxymoron:
An oxymoron is a rhetorical device that uses an ostensible self-contradiction to illustrate a rhetorical point or to reveal a paradox.

>>22932
You've obviously never seen Aku no hana or k-on.

>>22937
I only read Aku no Hana but the girls weren't ugly in that. Which means they were badly drawn in the adaption but not inherently ugly.
K-on is cute.

>>22938
>K-on is cute.
Sure, if you like fetus hands.

>>22938
The faces are horrible

What do you think dying is like, tc?

>>22955
Salty milk and coins.

How am I still alive?

So the only way for me to escape pain is to die yet all those who made me this way will live on, content and blissfully guiltless. What a wonderful world.

>>21950
Don't know if you're still here but
>Come on. What about life then? Following your stance, after growing up people should be thrown out of home because living with parents is too lazy. Only overcoming difficulties shows whether you really want and to live or not. So, yeah.
I wasn't implying anything like that in my post. And it surprised me a little that you thought I was.
You can't undo suicide. Almost all decisions you consider a mistake in retrospect you can try to fix at least somewhat, you can't do the same after you've killed yourself (I think most beliefs agree here).
I was responding to a post about assisted suicide, which is other people helping someone to do exactly that one choice he can't undo. Which is, regardless if they're really trying to help that person, really irresponsible, since they can never know, if that person really wanted to die or not. Only the person themselves know and I'd argue they only know themselves the moment they try do it.
You probably have already tried to kill yourself, so you should know how hard it is. Have you thought about why? What exactly went through your head the moment you tried to do it? Why couldn't you do it? As opposed to a lot of people (who say it's only cowards who do it) I'd argue killing yourself is the most difficult action to go through with and takes a lot of courage exactly because you're ending your existence (as you know it) and it's the only thing you can't go back on. So you have to really think hard about if you really want it or not (unless it's completely on impulse of course but I already said what I think about that, you can't say they really wanted it since they didn't think at all during the action).

I did not say that assisted suicide shouldn't be allowed because it's lazy. And I don't think people should be thrown out of their home. The parents took up a responsibility when they decided on getting a child (or at least not aborting it), of course I'm not saying that that responsibility extends infinitely. Throwing out your child can be justified in my opinion but either a lot of shit must happen between the parents and the child or they're trying to do the best for them (but then they surely are keeping up the option of them returning home, if it really doesn't work), I won't expand on that since it's pretty off topic in my opinion.

>Think for a second.
I thought quite a few seconds about suicide in my life.

>Why do you think people want to die?
A lot of reasons.

>Because they have big problems! (duh) Do you really think people in such awful state have any will and energy to scheme out difficult procedures
One of the reasons and yes. Because them being in that awful state will give them the will and energy to end the suffering and finding ways to kill oneself is not difficult.

> to overcome all the obstacles made by lots of normal healthy people full of will to mess up their attempts at suicide?
Let me quote myself
>I despise suicide prevention like calling those people sick, denying that they can think rationally and locking them up and all that shit.
I'm totally with you, if you say locking people up in mental institutions (or similar stuff) just because they tried to kill themselves or talked about wanting to do it is wrong. However I would not classify making assisted suicide illegal as an obstacle made by healthy people to mess up attempts at suicide for the reasons mentioned above.
As I see it, assisted suicide is not murder but it's closer to murder than suicide exactly because another guy is doing it. Also let's not start talking about the abuse you could do with assisted suicide being legal. Euthanasia has that problem already.