I can't believe I forgot to post this. I had possibly the weirdest dream of my life about a month ago.
Basically, I was like an early-thirties Humbert Humbert from Lolita, and I was in love with a young girl or something. I've never actually read the book, so the similarities likely end there.
My dream took place in a mansion in the middle of the wilderness at the bottom of a valley, during summer. I was the servant (?) to some rich old guy along with my friend, another servant. Every day I would turn on some machine for the old guy that looked kind of like a vintage tape recorder, though it didn't play any sound. I could leave the mansion at any time, but I had to walk through the woods and all the way up an enormous hill to the front gate by myself.
There's a huge plot gap that I can't remember. It's unfortunate, because this takes up much of the story.
The old guy, who for some reason had a giant head, like a CGI cartoon character, forbade me from seeing the young girl, and I would long for her each and every moment. One day, I decided I had to finally break free of the old man's rule so I may spend my life with the girl of my dreams. My friend and I hatched a plan to let me escape that night. I stuck a piece of cardboard on the machine, between one of the wheels and the belt, and my friend held a window open. I flicked the switch to "ON," and then quickly climbed out the window while the machine jammed. (Ignoring the fact this probably did absolutely nothing, the cardboard was really loose, and only stopped the machine for like three seconds).
I ran as fast as I could through the woods, and it was suddenly winter, so there was snow on the ground. I looked back at the mansion, and saw the old man staring at me from his window on the top floor, and he shook his head and walked away. I kept running through the woods, made it up the hill, exited through the gate, and walked down the road.
I made it to a small town, and started going into random buildings looking for something (presumably the young girl, but I have no idea). I occasionally saw crimes being committed, like a guy beating a woman who was gagged and bound to a chair, but I just walked past them and continued searching. While in a building with some tough dudes, I guessed I pissed them off, because I ended up in a fight with them. I beat them all easily.
Outside, I found an entrance to a long underground passage, like a subway, but as I walked down the hall it eventually turned into a high school crowded with thousands of students all going the same direction. A security guard noticed me and gave chase; I knew he wanted to arrest me and bring me back to the mansion, but I don’t know how I knew that. Then without warning, I stabbed him. Everyone saw as he crumpled to the ground. They were silent for a moment, then they slowly resumed walking down the hall. I joined them.
I came to a small atrium with an oversized blackboard by the wall, and I darted up a spiral staircase to a balcony. I almost ran into an overweight girl with orange pigtails, and I realized I knew her. She had helped me immensely during the aforementioned plot hole, though of course I don’t remember how. She knew I had killed the security guard (again, I don’t know how I knew this), but she just smiled so I walked past her and exited through a door.
I found myself outside, in front of a seemingly endless bridge made of light, with a city far in the distance. It was sunset. I started walking, and after a while a mushroom cloud erupted from the center of the metropolis. As it slowed, it turned into a woman’s torso with a white tube top and large breasts.
Suddenly I was Duke Nukem. I was on a gigantic rooftop surrounded by a chain-link fence, like the roof of a school in an anime. I was happily living with the young girl, and we lived in a one-bedroom house inexplicably placed on top of the roof, and even more inexplicably, we had one neighbor, and a garage. I never saw the neighbor, only their house.
Someone appeared in spaceship vaguely resembling a beetle, and he started attacking by driving various vehicles at us; I fended them off with a tank. I found I could upgrade my sunglasses to different types, so I settled on one pair that blocked my vision from all but a tiny section, but it gave me telekinesis. I smashed the rest of the vehicles together, and the enemy retreated. I then sold the vehicles I had destroyed (now magically in perfect condition) to several different buyers. I sold a semi truck to God. My wife and I retired to our home, after a well-deserved rest.
Then I joined a futa-catgirl-foursome in the jungle.