>Life mistakes
>What was your most recent big mistake? Something stupid, bad, or just wrong that you did and regret.
Uhh, my probably biggest mistake in life I won't talk about here in detail, but it has something to do with meeting a stranger on the internet as a youth. It's sounds worse than what it really is, but I'm regretting it several years after regardless and I can't let go of it. I think of it multiple times daily and I still can't properly cope with it.
>How did you fix it or deal with it?
I didn't. It's impossible to undo and the only way to cope with it is value it differently, I think, but that's easier said than done.

There is many many other things I could list here, but this is always what comes to my mind when I think of a major mistake in my life. There are some smaller mistakes I did, but those don't cause so much concern for me.

>>29899
This is a really sweet thread idea, OP. When you say "life mistakes", how big are we talking about? And should the mistakes be more social/emotional in nature, or is more dry "technical" stuff fine? Would you also be OK with anons sharing mistakes that haven't been fixed yet, and other anons suggesting solutions? Or is all that up to the poster to decide?

Frankly, I don't know. Mistake is something a person makes, but I am not a person and I have no self so it's hard to talk about "mistakes" when I am not really in control of anything and I have no idea about objectives of those in control, so I can't even judge them. What qualifies as a mistake, anyway? Mistake is failure to achieve object of desire, but I have no objects of desire. Probably watching porn time and again is a mistake and a violation of my movement to freedom from lust. But then again if I was properly in control of the person I happen to be inside of, I wouldn't. As it is, I just kind of watch it all unfold while intermittently suffering pain and anxiety because whatever deprivation comes along will affect me as well. It's hard to maintain aplomb when somebody walks you off the cliff. I dislike questions like this, OP. I can't understand what this questions really means. On a more technical side, pipe prevents you from starting processes as your direct childs, because pipe introduces a new subshell however hard you try. I couldn't find a clear workaround this, though I guess it's not really as important as simplicity. I though about reaping, but that would be just ridiculous.

>>29901
Seems like it should be up to the poster's discretion.

>>29902
>Mistake is failure to achieve object of desire, but I have no objects of desire
How did you achieve such a state? It makes intellectual sense to me that if you don't hold any expectations you won't feel the "pain" of mistakes. But I find it hard to adopt that. E.g. if I visit to TC, I _expect_ the site to be here, and would have a strong emotional reaction if one day it just closed up shop.

And I'm not talking about "grand goals" either, those are pretty easy to drop (e.g. "dreams of a perfect life/career/etc." I'm referring to the minute day-to-day stuff. E.g. you're assembling a PC and end up breaking something. To me that's a "mistake" right there, and not having such expectations or goals in the first place makes it hard to navigate life at all, since ultimately our entire mode of action-based existence is goal oriented. The only way to avoid it entirely would be to just sit doing nothing, which I don't have the mental fortitude to do.).

I haven't made any mistakes that were outright stupid and big at the same time.

What happens a lot more frequently is that I gamble, I pick option A instead of B, and then it turns out option A is shit, but this is only clear in retrospect.

It's probably because I am a relatively socially isolated person, so I have basically nobody to ask for *informed* advice from

>>29902
>Mistake is failure to achieve object of desire, but I have no objects of desire
I think everyone has desires.
You are just not conscious about your own, and that might be due to social conditioning.

Perhaps you were raised with mantras such as "Your feelings aren't important" and "Who do you think you are, sit down" and that's how you gradually repressed your wishes, hopes and desires

>>29904
>How did you achieve such a state?
Whatever do you mean. "I" did not "achieve" anything.
>those are pretty easy to drop
What makes you think that? Did you ever have one and truly believed it?
>I'm referring to the minute day-to-day stuff
These have nothing to do with me. These are impulses intercepted and acted upon by the carrier. I can only look at it and sometimes yell at the top of my lungs in hope it will prevent him from fucking up completely, because whatever pain he feels, I feel it too, and it is even more painful to me because it does not make sense to me and I don't understand its source or nature.
>The only way to avoid it entirely would be to just sit doing nothing
The only way to avoid that would be to take your pills, but I don't care for pills. I don't trust them anyway.
>>29905
>I think everyone has desires.
Everyone who is a person.

>>29906
>"I" did not "achieve" anything.
Unless you woke up one day suddenly and spontaneously thrust into the egoless state, or were born that way, there was by necessity some precipitating event (or deliberate process). But I honestly can't tell what's going on from your post. Since you mentioned pills (which is not at all what i was referring to, I was referring to systematic meditation to first develop awareness of the underlying cognitive processes which you seem to have already done, then ultimately dissolving those distinctions [non-dual state, samadhi, etc.]) I'm guessing it's something like depersonalization?

I don't know how the two are related, but in all spiritual traditions I'm familiar with, "accidental ego death" (e.g. drug induced, or simply just doing advanced techniques without the right preparation) before you learn to trace the source of and deal with your emotions usually ends up causing more instability. Something for me to read up on I suppose.


(Also the way "I" is always scare-quoted in discussion of introspection and dissection of the mind into its constituent observer always annoyed me. Like the trope of some "guru" saying "this is not a chair, merely a collection of atoms which we refer to as a chair." Some people also take that too far and vow never to use the word "I" or something, and they invariably just substitute another term like "this bodymind" in communication... which is exactly what the first-person pronoun refers to anyway.)

>>29902
>>29906
>I dislike questions like this, OP.
The question wasn't addressed to you personally. If you don't like it then you shouldn't have posted in this thread. This "nothing can affect me because I have achieved ego death" attitude is pathetic and narcissistic, it's nothing more than a front to hide your insecurities. And it's ultimately false and hypocritical because if you had no sense of self and ego then you wouldn't have posted in this thread in the first place to show us how cool you are for totally not caring about anything, meaning that you wish to be perceived in a certain way.

>>>I think everyone has desires.
>Everyone who is a person.
Wow... so edgy.

>>29910
>nothing can affect me because I have achieved ego death
Not that anon, but there's nothing intrinsically false about this. If one does indeed undergo "genuine" ego death, then he is free from the subjective experience of suffering. It's not nihilism or a "coping strategy": it is the only mode of existence that can offer such release from attachment and associated pain. That's why it's the end goal of most spiritual movements. But "ego death" is an actual state of the psyche that's the culmination of years of expanding the scope of your attention, and not something that can "just" be consciously adopted. And it's certainly not easy to achieve, forget complete nonduality (sahaja samadhi?), I don't think most meditators even experience nirvikalpa samadhi. (Related: I've always been curious at what the correspondence between types of samadhi and the Buddhist jhanas is. There's clearly some correspondence as both describe states of non-duality but it's not clear how they map.) But it's probably not even necessary for most people, just practicing feeling different emotions and parts of the psyche is sufficient to slowly surface deeper pain and chip away at it. And from an 80-20 perspective that's probably "good enough".

> hypocritical
Heh only now did I catch the irony between "I dislike questions like this" and the subsequent post. That's not to invalidate anon's experiences, assuming it's not just role-playing as an enlightened monk he probably does have some different perspective in terms of conscious experience. It'd be interesting to hear more about it, although this thread probably isn't the right place. I don't think it's "ego death" as traditionally defined though, possibly closer to depersonalization or DID or something.