A bit poetic that no one responded to the post on coping with isolation.

I think it's natural to feel some pangs of loneliness sometimes. You could try to feel what exactly it is you feel that you are missing. Is it physical companionship? Someone to exchange ideas with? A sense of belonging and purpose? You can solve for each of those in different ways.

>A bit poetic that no one responded to the post on coping with isolation.

Reading it the first time I saw

>they're sort of movie characters, I can hear and see them, can even say a few words, but there's a screen between us that doesn't allow any connections. Besides, I find them disgusting in many ways.

and it came off as those "I'm better than the normies" posts and as a reflex I run away. That aside it's a legit question and not getting an answer is an answer in itself indeed.

I would say, you can meet your most-basic needs for human contact if you stop actively isolating yourself. It's a lot better than isolating yourself and then trying to cope with it. I have no idea about the deeper need for belonging. At some point I kinda sorta felt at home in certain online art and music communities, but those went to shit and the internet in general went to shit too.

>>29619
I made OPpost in a moment of weakness during metal lapse, I didn't really understand what I was doing, just following impulse.

Wise men were right when they said that each man's suffering is his own fault, and that nobody save him himself can free himself from it.

There is indeed poetic rehearsal of the truth in this thread not getting responses. Reminder that I don't do my duty as I ought. That the more vulnerable I feel the harder I am shunned. That I have not been abused through my weakness is just a matter of time.

The only community that fits me is me.

Most of the time when I reach out to people I am reminded of while I didn't in the first place.

>>29639
You probably meant "why" instead of "while".

I can’t really understand this post, why would you force yourself into isolation if you obviously don’t want it? Being a fairly isolated individual, and more importantly one that can easily live and even be happier in isolation comes naturally (at least to me), you might be able to force yourself into it but that could have uncertain side effects that you sure don’t desire.

>>29641
>why would you force yourself into isolation
I don't force myself into anything. I don't know what I want and what to do and what's happening at all.

>why would you force yourself into isolation
Not OP, but sometimes life circumstances make you isolated and there is nothing you can do about it, whether you like it or not.

>>29642
Maybe you haven't realized, but it's right there in the OP you wrote
>I still get painful urges to be part of a community
For whatever reason you seem to be denying yourself that though

>>29643
Yeah but that's being forced, not forcing yourself

>>29644
>For whatever reason you seem to be denying yourself that
I'm not denying myself anything, I want to be with people and at the same time I don't want to spend my time them. I can't explain. It's like wanting two opposite things at the same time. Historically preference for solitude prevailed though. I don't understand any of it. Don't gaslight me into being the one at fault. I didn't do anything consciously that would put me in this mental state

The problem with enjoying long lasting things, like an amazing soul touching or just very atmospheric or fulfilling VN that has many hours of gameplay is that it fucking ends. And then you are snapped back into your empty life. I used to laugh and feel derision towards characters in books that were portrayed as suffering some kind of an empty existence, like prolonged solitude or whatever. Turns out it isn't some stupid drama trope for kids, turns out this thing is real and you bet I can't cope without completely spacing out.

>>29685
I end up putting off finishing VN routes because I don't want to feel the crushing loneliness.

>>29686
It's not even the solitude itself, but how vastly its weight is amplified when you have say goodbye to characters you've got so very used to and with which you've emotionally connected. I don't believe there is a way to escape.

>>29687
I have left some shows on the penultimate episode just because I want to have something to look forward to and motivate me to keep going through life, to give me some hope.

>>29687
That's more specific but true enough. Deleting memories so you can start a story anew is a wish of mine.

>>29688
Does it really work like that? I'd never be able to leave an impressive story unfinished. It would fester on me. For me it's like there's no escape. I iterate through mind killing emptiness and then when I find something worthwhile, I get it all into myself, then it ends and I suffer again. At least suffering is a feeling.

>>29703
I probably phrased it badly, I do still do intend to finish it eventually, but every time I try I find myself saying that I'm not in the right mood to properly enjoy it, and instead choose to watch something else that I'm not as attached to. So while in principle it's not that I'm intentionally avoiding the show, in practice it sort of does end up being that way. But yes having that episode unfinished does annoy me in the sense that I _want_ to finish it, so it serves as motivation and hope to believe that one day my mind and body will feel rested enough that I can watch it. (It doesn't even need to be permanently, just one day where I don't feel "out of it" would be enough to finish off a backlog of stuff...)

Okay so I'll turn this thread into one-liner whining posts, because there is no point anyway. Emptiness is creeping in and I want to laugh and cry at the same time. A maddening feeling.

I fucking hate these modern imageboard users. They give me brain cancer. I thought I am a shitposter, but in comparison to them I am literally saint. I just can't be around them. It doesn't matter how much effort you put into your post they'll derail it in an instant and then make fun of you on top.

A bit of a tangent, but community on tohno is rigid and sharp, but at least I can understand it, because I hate people as well, so even if I get upset sometimes, I can forgive/get over it.

But those fuckers, they are absolutely insufferable. I hate myself so fucking much for wanting to talk to other people sometimes, it is the worst fucking thing that can happen to a man.

Yes, a lot of media/hobbies are enjoyable, but after a time, it looses all meaning, because there is nobody to discuss it with, and doing it for the sake of doing it simply does not work. You only enjoy it until you don't. I don't know what the fuck is wrong is me.

I wish I could stop being a NEET by finding a job that I don't fucking despise, so I could just work my ass off and fucking forget myself. Because if I don't do that, I'm just going to descent down the drunkard path, I simply can't cope with this shit.

I fucking hate it. I fucking hate myself. I fucking hate having to live in a world that considers you a joke. Why does it have to be like that? What is the meaning of being born in exactly the most insufferable circumstances. Who enjoys my torment? Fucking hate it. I fucking hate it all.

Post edited on 7th Nov 2024, 1:40pm

Ugh, another emotional bond is severed so I again desperately seek for someone to put me out of my misery and and again I hit this wall that has always been there. I hate whoever put it there. It shouldn't be there. I need to learn to talk with myself.

>>29742
I would give you a hug if I could

>>29744
Thanks for writing this, your post may actually keep me alive through another day.

Somebody please stop this anxiety it's driving me crazy I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

>>29748
What are you anxious about?

>>29725
I don't mean to invalidate what you're saying about imageboard users but hasn't it always been that way? I remember feeling similarly when I stopped using 4chan and that was back in 2012. There's always gonna be someone who is just there to mess with people and once you recognize that's what is happening its best to leave and not go back. No point in sticking around BS even if its in a community for something you care about. It'll just ruin that thing for you. Also take it from someone who is just about 3 years sober now to not go down that road either. Good luck.

>>29750
I have fits when I realize that all places where you can discuss things without low effort bullshit are tohno-chan.com

This sickens me. I spend lots of time and effort to write posts as concise and to the point as I can, making sure to relay my internal impressions and associations to the best of my ability. Then a dude or two kick in, and drown my post by one liners. What the fuck? It's enough for my mental health that all my writing goes into naught (nobody cares), but this feeling of desecration I get when all my effort is not just ignored but simply washed off by the flood of effortlessness, makes me want to hang myself.

Was it always like that? I don't give a fuck. My perception of the world two years ago is fundamentally different fro my perception today. There is no fucking way I can, without bias, say what it was like back in the day.

But yes I don't remember having lots of quality discussions so probably it is an evidence of something, right? God Tohno is literally probably the only easy to find guy who hosts a worthwhile place for discussion.

And you know what? Nobody engages in discussion here. We are so few and so different we simply can't find common ground. Back in the day there were more boards, more people who were not low iq bots. Back in the day internet was not an AI echo chamber. There were much more possibilities to engage in a fulfilling discussion.

Post edited on 17th Nov 2024, 3:29pm

Adaptation to isolation...
I think I basically had to rewire my brain at some point to get used to living this life. I learned a long time ago I can't trust or count on anyway, yet still found myself going well out of my way in hopes of making connections to hopefully prove myself wrong. I think I've slowly given up on that though and let it sink in that nothing is going to change. People... are just trouble. They cause more harm than good when trying to help, they get in the way, damage my stuff, complain about how I'm doing things, complicate things, add in unwanted variables, the list goes on. There's a part of me that hates feeling so alone all the time, but that part is overwritten by the me that finds human to be simply stressful to be around.
At least via TC I've met a few exemptions to this rule, but of course such people are scattered across the globe.


>I still get painful urges to be part of a community
You know, I tried making a community on discord entirely detached from TC but with a similar goal. My thinking was, maybe there's lost souls out there who just aren't familiar with imageboards or a fan of them. I figured maybe there's people still searching for a home and having no idea where to even look. This was after testing the waters myself to see if there were any other similar comminutes I could join. Went about as well as you'd expect. It did get a bit of a resurgence recently after declaring the discord server I made as dead, but it's been like trying to fist fight an ocean wave of brainrot and shit posting, and each step of the way people complain you're too strict, too old fashioned, that you need to get with the times. Thanks to wage slaving I couldn't keep a good eye on it and it seemed like a lot of people would show up, get pissed it wasn't what they wanted and leave. I'd worry those might have been better users who got put off by whatever garbage was there to greet them. Really though that's probably unlikely. Even the best communities I've found over the years are full of cancer. God the way these people talk it's like half of them aren't even really human, they're like shitty scripts that can't say much more then "Hi" and "hru". I think there's just not really much out there...

Loneliness and isolation has rotten my brain enough that I find it difficult to articulate my words into text, I would rather say nothing than posting some low-quality rambling.
I also got used to shouting inside my own mind, probably because I gave up on trying people to understand me.

This has been said ad nauseam but its true, the internet is dead. It has become nothing but a monetary platform, devoid of any soul. Barely anything original, and any attempt on doing something remarkable gets drown by low-quality but profitable crap. Like coins coming out of a mint. No wonder its users gets infected with it. And so the shitposter was born.

I also sometimes long to be part of a community, but I simply can't accept some differences with its members. It annoys me. Under my perspective those people are idiots I don't want nothing with.
Maybe because I'm too focused on finding another lost soul in my exact same situation rather than trying to accept a new perspective.
Narcissism or egoism...?

Post edited on 17th Nov 2024, 8:09pm

Seems like I have dissociated too much and now the other me is eating me alive. Even if I recover I'll never reclaim the pieces of lucidity I am loosing right now. What a terrible misstep

>virtue is its own reward
Lord knows how it feels when what you're doing neither improves/changes anything for you, nor for anyone else. You just do some meaningless things that effectively don't exist at all. Doing it for the sake of doing it isn't fun. I understand that the only way to regain balance is to accept the blank meaningless of my every action, and to accept my empty nature as a person, but how the hell should I do it alone? It doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense when you're naturally incapable of being a part of anything. Even those philosophers had people to discourse with, to lecture, whatever. I am so removed from the understanding of other people I fail to find anything. I'm about to drop into another sewer of MUSTKILLMYSELFRIGHTNOW thoughts

Still can't post images.

https://litter.catbox.moe/s9sm67.jpg

how did you learn to shut up and keep your pain to yourself? teach me please. doesn't matter what i do it all ends up all over the place. why can't i just get over it without bothering anyone? am i so lost or what the heck

>>29800
I am not OP but I've noticed from years of observation that the people who cannot shut up about it almost always live in lively homes or environments. Yapping becomes the norm for them. If they live with families tha love them it's even worse. As an older guy living with one parent about to kick the buck, there's really nothing left to say (to myself or otherwise) nor even the energy to speak up. An additional effect from living in such a set up is that you finally get it: NOBODY GIVES A FUCK. About you, your dying parent, your problems, your "advice", this post. But like I said if you live with a large family or otherwise be in contact with a lot of people, it's easy to forget this fundamental truth and take your yapping online, secretly hoping someone will care.

It helps staying away from media where people talk a lot, I just listen (mostly instrumental)music these days and play board games online(no voice or text chat).

>>29800
For me, years of yapping about my pains and not changing anything has made me realize the futility of yapping about them. It also alienates you from the people who are willing to talk to you about stupid shit, so yeah it's just not helpful to cry to people if you aren't geniunely asking for help.

>>29801
>>29802
what do i do during the acute phase of a fit? it's too painful to just sit still, but i don't know where to properly dispose of that "energy" so it ends up on nearly every imageboard i visit. it sickens me because i either end up reaching out to bastards i hate (who only mock and abuse me, but they always let me relax a bit first, they let me get started and when it starts flowing out they backstab. they've been doing for a long time. with each time i only start hating them more, but repeating this same mistake over and over again is still not enough for me to change. it makes want to vomit, i want to stop this madness, i want to never speak to any of them ever again) or i end up poisoning places that don't deserve it, for example tohno which objectively does a very good job of filling its niche but somehow i start thinking that this entire chan exists to console me and you know how it ends. am i just so rotten with egotism? is there a way to stop or should i persist with my suicide preparations? i can't take it anymore. i can neither take being myself anymore, nor living among people. i think if learn to channel this mood properly into some "sponge" i will finally stop bitching around and then i will both hate myself less and not have to deal with people i hate

>>29603
Bad advice in a place like this but it's true, even as a neet my life has only gotten better by connecting with people. Figuring out why you can't connect and solving that problem first is the best way to deal with loneliness, sometimes the only way to learn is by forcing yourself into a room with others, it can't be more painful than what you're feeling already?
I go to a local tabletop store and play games with folks every week. I cook for my mom. It's not like I'm fulfilled but that pain and alienation isn't present like it was. Only you can make those steps for yourself, otherwise the decline will just set in. And perhaps it will for me too one day, after my last family has died and I am truly alone. But that day is not today, and it's not tomorrow, and there is joy to be had in the meantime.
If you are truly a lost soul who has not even one good person in your life, I am sorry. I am lucky to have even my barely functional family. But if you're someone who does, nomatter what awful things may have happened to you bring you to this point. Don't keep yourself from them until it's too late.

>>29804
>it can't be more painful than what you're feeling already
Yes my friend, it is a lot more painful. I don't want to connect with them. I want to have nothing to do with them. Society and the way it works forces me into social context, but I'd very much like to live separately from it, like true hermit monks do. Only it's not possible anymore in this dead capitalistic world, at least not for somebody as clueless and self-trapped in depression as me.

By the way I don't think your advice is bad, the problem is that it doesn't really work for me because it is meant for a person. You say
>Only you can make those steps for yourself
but this is a very painful topic for me because I don't really understand what this "I" constitutes. I don't feel like a person and the "entity" that guides my thoughts is different each day. The result is that I can't navigate in this array of random "I"s. Though I've noticed they are on a continuous spectrum that ranges from universal love to satanic hatred.

The most bitter part is that it is just a continuation of the typical teen problem "he doesn't know what he wants". Only when you're a teenager and full of energy you don't really perceive it as a problem and simply go along with life. Well, at least I wasn't depressed back then, I don't speak for everyone!

Unfortunately it only works until it doesn't. Life's put me through a meat grinder, and constant stress corroded me over the years. Now my cognitive skills are IQ=85 and my tolerance to disturbances is nonexistent.

But I'm not a teenager anymore, now this stupid "he doesn't know what he wants" teamed up with complete lack of will and hatred. So
- I don't know why I bother living;
- I don't have will so everyone and everything pushes me in any direction it wants;
- I hate them, I don't want to be pushed by them, but can't do anything about them.
- Since I'm not a teenager I can't run to my mamma, complain about shit and get helped.
Actually my parents are nice, but they admitted openly they don't know what to do either, so I can't really ask them for support anymore until I figure out what exactly I need support with.

A bunch of petty problems but I've always been an autistic (no jokes I really am) mommy's boy so kinda get what I deserve.

I'm really sorry that I found my way to tohno chan. If you weren't on allchans you'd still be free of the plague that's me. I'm sorry. I'd go away if I could.

>>29803
I usually just drown it out with music fitting of the mood while having some form of productive outlet. Or maybe I just see my own despair as something beyond that can be reasoned with, not that anyone would understand or I would listen to their suggestions.

It is what it is, but I'd like to believe this isn't a type of place that would accept suicide as a valid answer. Like the thread where you post a cute girl every time you think about killing yourself, it's a way for you to put out the emotion while still being here.

>>29813
For interaction, chatting with chatGPT is honestly not too bad. Just upload a picture to it of a 2D girl you'd want to talk with and tell it to speak from her perspective. It's sightly less tedious than talking with yourself, and definitely way better than trying to reach out to real people. (Or if you have the VRAM to spare you could always try a local model).

With regard to suicide, there is another thread about that.

I think going outside would ease the tension but I'm not comfortable with going outside, at least until certain prerequisites are met. Darn.
>chatgpt
How are you not consumed by paranoia? I wouldn't tell those corporation a single excess word if it was avoidable. And you discuss waifus with them. The thought of somebody profiling me is nearly terrifying and it is always my top priority to conceal as much as possible.

>>29815
> And you discuss waifus with them
Use a local model if you are concerned. But I do not see discussing waifuism, or philosophy, or non-specific life events as anything to conceal. Not only is it something already well-trodden on the internet, it's something that people on TC do anyway. Just type with the assumption anything said is going to be leaked in some breach, and use common sense. If you didn't avoid internet forums then I don't see any reason why you'd particularly avoid these "chatbots", since they're effectively no different. If the conversations were read over by someone else, all they would be able to conclude is that I am a sad, lonely person who finds comfort in the 2D world. Which doesn't really give away much when there's no way to tie that pseudonymous profile back to a physical identity (assuming you didn't do something stupid like use your actual phone number or email address).

>>29816
Although thinking a bit more, there is a real risk but it's not in the individual conversations but the aggregate one. If your goal is propaganda or social engineering then the raw data is invaluable. I wouldn't be surprised if the 3 letter agencies already get a carbon copy of all the data to do a bunch of psychometric stuff on. (e.g. a concrete scenario might be figuring out the personality types of those who refused the covid vaccine, what their interests/vulnerabilities are, and then using that to better target efforts). Some of this was already possible by just analyzing reddit dumps, but now there's a bit of a closed-loop and people be induced to divulge more than they usually would.

Profiling at an individual level is still definitely an issue I feel, but practically only if you discuss anything that might be considered "controversial" by those with influence. The conversations about cuddling your waifu and roleplaying cooking are the least of their concerns, semantically useless, and likely indistinguishable from the thousands of other people using similar services for the exact same purpose.

>>29817
>your actual phone number
How do you even get a fake number without leaking your identity first? That was only possible in third world where SIM cards were sold without passport. I don't know if it's still possible.

>>29818
Go to walmart (or your equivalent) and buy a cheap phone+plan using cash and have them activate it at the store. When asked, tell them you don't have an email or another phone number.

>>29819
They ask passport or another document proving identity

>>29818
I guess one little good thing about the fourth world shithole that I live in is that I can just go to any random Indian or Chinese store and get a SIM card for 5 bucks or less without leaking any information at all.

>>29820
That's ridiculous. If they ask for that go somewhere else.

>>29822
I guess there's also places where you can buy a number using btc. Not sure whether they are a honeypot though. I'd imagine most actual criminals stopped using cell phones since proper encryption is so ubiquitous now.

>>29822
Not that anon, but it's probably mandated by the law in his country. My country had the same thing until recently.

Proper authorities likely have means to track you even without you supplying any proof of identity. However, I don't think the authorities would be sharing the information with third-party corporations.