with what?

>>29322
Yeah I'm done too, pretending I'm not a NEET on some music forum just to impress everyone else there. I guess I'll have to deal with my sadness on my own or here.

Something trivial that other people consider part of their everyday life has just made me break down so hard I can't describe it. I was like this since teens at least but lately I've been feeling quite grounded, now it's such a sweet snapback to reality I'm almost suicidal again.

I am not part of anything, leave me alone. I wish I could make these thoughts leave my head.

I'm having my mind flooded with the few good memories I managed to gather through my life and this nostalgia wrenches me by alternating between reminding me I won't ever experience anything so good because I have been broken and dulled, and giving me acute feeling of everything being on the brink on collapse, as if today was the last day I could live.

You know exactly where you are when you are afraid of turning off your computer, because of the reality outside of this little pixel window into dream world. Lately going to sleep has become a real mental struggle for me. Waking up isn't welcome, so I just hope to spend one more second pretending the reality isn't there. Don't know how common this is, but it's been a while since I felt such acute distress about having to get off my PC.

I'm lying in bed now realizing it's really time to sleep and I'm fucking on the verge of panic right now. I feel like I'm going to scream or whatever. I wish I was strong/dense like those people who just go by in life like it's not big deal. What the fuck is wrong with me

>>29456
Definitely sounds like you're over thinking things. I think this is how those dense people get by, they just turn off their brains or something.

>>29455
Cute purin.

To never see the light of day in endless loop of sheer decay step by step to gobble along with broken mind born of misery searching for the exit sign

Afraid petrified in catalepsy stuck to never make a move towards salvation and hope is denied luck why in this state why so rigid to envision the grave and to lovingly dig it

Caught moving in line that is never straight to see yourself from behind and be smothered by crushing weight of wishes that are not yours they pass things by to burn to ashes whoever is fool enough to grasp and bring it down to be chocked by freshness in the dead but functioning town

Enough.

Children screaming outside. But those are happy sounds. Disgusting sounds. They're receiving their early dose of happiness that's going to be enough to make them draft horses for life. They won't know pain. Not this meaningless pain that has no apparent source that plagues me. I sometimes wish I had enough magnanimity to at least not be contemptuous of their happiness. I guess I need work on that. Being bitter over being denied something you're not meant to have isn't going to make anything better. But as of today, I want to drop a bomb on their heads to make them shut up and let me sleep through the day in peace.

The last two or three weeks my day is as follows. I wake up. Cope my hardest. Get some day sleep at a random time. Keep coping until late night. Suffer tremendously as my fried brain is unable to put up with reality and is also unable to just relax and get me sleeping. Torture myself until I can't keep my eyes open. Get some ridiculous hours of sleep. Rinse and repeat.

Gosh I wish somebody put me out of my misery. But then I would hate to accept such help from a human. Why do I have to be so mentally ill

In the end, speaking is useless. Nobody will help. Nobody can help. Nobody even wants to try to help. Everybody expects problems not to exist. They don't admit existence of issues outside of their little family worlds. You have trouble with your filthy offsprings? That they will understand. You feel worthless? LMAO, you're defective, unamenable and should be put in a ghetto. They take it as granted. In the end, you can only trap the thought inside your head and crush it. Every force is always met by equal counterforce. It is a suicide spiral. There's no way out. They were right all along. This machine has discarded you long ago. That you will be spit out of it is just a matter of time.

>>29536
Living is a joke. We are not alive. Life was never meant for us. We are suffering redemption for whatever. Others have lives. We only watch. And suffer.

Gimme a break

same.

i kinda wish this board was more active. it's actually quite comforting to come to every now and then.

I am feeling reasonably sick today. I just want to stay home. Since my only way out of financial dependency is suicide, which J am not ready for yet, I have to follow every whim of quite literally almost every relative, family included. No, I don't give a fuck. I am not interested. I JUST WANT TO STAY HOME AND RELAX. This fuckers can't wrap their head around being comfy at home. They are absolutely obsessed with being "active" for the sake of whatever the fuck is happening in their sick heads. Normalfaggots. I am forced to entertain them in their petty endeavors because that's literally the only way I can keep getting the fucking food. How Epictetus coped with slavery is absolutely fascinating and at the same time bizarre for me. Well fuck doesn't work for me. I feel sick. I want you to fuck off. A long fucking way off. God damn it. I feel so tired of constantly having to keep my jaws clenched to endure through every day. I literally might end my teeth. I feel so taut like I'm about to snap any moment. I am so envious of some people here who have reliable access to suicide. I am effectively sitting in a psych ward with soft walls. Oh sorry for ranting. I just feel too sick today. Too sick.

I am not done but maybe I should be giving up

Modern society is the kitchen sink of humanity evolution. Back in the day I would be brutally eliminated by natural selection. I wouldn't have to keep existing in this shithole I was never meant to inhabit. Oh and my stress tolerance is zero, so that every day is walking on a sharp razor waiting to slip and cut yourself in half.

I am very disappointed. I don't want to deal with this shit. Just let me read my fucking book.

Guys why did boredom have to be implemented? What's the point? What's the genius in making my brain suffering because it is not satisfiers with reality that can't be changed? Couldn't the stupid evolution make me fit for this world? What's the point of making you a misfit and then making you suffer for that? That's stupid.

>>29611
"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone." - Pascal
It really is a cruel joke, we're basically hardwired to suffer because if we weren't and we could be content sitting around doing nothing, then we wouldn't be able to progress and we'd be evolutionary dead-end.

Tohno-chan, this is ridiculous. It hasn't changed a bit. I am so utterly stuck in mud. There is a difference, though. I'm not overstressed anymore. Thanks to it acute mind wrecking suffering mutated into some dragging state of disregard mixed with outbursts of hatred. I sidetracked already. Not even what I intended to say.

I still can't think, Tohno-chan. I just can't. Hours pass by without me noticing and I don't even remember what I do during those hours. I just... just what? Another day has come and gone and I have not done absolutely anything. It's just a disaster. Why do I even keep waking up? Sometimes I can't cope with the strain. I've been heavily getting back into listening to music. I renewed my habit of playing games. I... I don't remember. I just can't keep up with it. Give me a break.

I need to take a break from coping every day.

Post edited on 8th Oct 2024, 10:40am

Why can't the fucking thoughts LEAVE MY GODDAMN HEAD!?

>>29615
be banished, AI.

>>29617
I don't think it's AI, just someone repeating the same post on two boards.

>>29617
>>29618
I reposted that on ZZZ but I'm not >>29615 , I just have a habit of sometimes reposting posts I find interesting on other imageboards, sorry if I triggered a schizophrenic attack on you. Not everything is AI/zoomers/[insert idiotic boogeyman of the week], bub...

>>29620
>a habit of sometimes reposting posts I find interesting on other imageboards
But why though? It's certainly odd behavior, especially when it gives no indication that you aren't the author. It feels suspiciously like content arbitrage for sympathy farming.

>>29617
I didn't do it. It's the first time somebody repeated my post like that. I don't post on zzzchan. Somebody wants to abuse me apparently. gl;hf

>>29623
Sorry, I didn't have any malicious intentions and I don't target you specifically. 29617 is the shitstirring retard here.

>>29627
OK, thank you for clarifying.

>>29627
It's a weird thing to do. Someone pointing that out, or mildly disagreeing with you, isn't "shitstirring", but insulting them certainly is.

I wish people like you didn't come here.

>>29623
no biggies, i was a little bit set aback by the idea that interaction with fellow ronery isn't genuine and someone is laughing at the misery of others.

>>29627
You insulting me while I didn't offend anyone makes you the "shitstirring retard".

Misery kicks in really hard so I'm about to get a big dose of about 30GB of anime down my throat again

All it has happened before.

I should have not enrolled for another course. Theoretically, Master's degree is useful. Practically, I should have given it up. I'm done for now. I have completely fallen apart. I can't go on. I can't stuff knowledge in my head. Do you believe me? I just can't concentrate on studying anything to the point of feeling nauseous. Maybe you could make me work for a while if you beat me, but I'd just walk out of the window. I should do it regardless though, so I guess I'll wait till I'm expelled and then we'll see. I am completely done for. Even some turbo non verbal autist has more chance of sustaining himself than me. I am done for. There isn't anyone to end it for me, so I have to do even that myself. Ironically, I'll likely just wait till I die, not actually doing anything to assist the death in taking me.

In the meantime I'm loosing it real hard

>>29702
Well then you better tighten it up!

>>29719
I beg to differ. There is nothing I can do. My cognition completely escaped from under my control and now I just watch it all unfold and count the days till I must kill myself.