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26262 No. 26262 [Edit]
Does anybody ever think about what will happen to them in the future? It occurs to me that I've spent all this time on nothing.. no relationships or skills built. 28 years. I'm slotted in for an IT school program but it's really hitting me in how alone I am. NOT to make a blog post but i realize i don't have any answers at all.. no direction, purpose, place to call home. I've just been distracting myself. It's an awful, awful wasteland.
What answers do you have for your wasteland? How do you build a life? I guess I'm the kind that will commit suicide if nothing changes.
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>> No. 26263 [Edit]
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26263
There's no magic secret. It all comes down to productive vs unproductive habits. Getting to the root of why you're unproductive and improving is a constant, day to day, long-term, difficult process. Even when a person progresses, they'll likely relapse occasionally, recovering from which is its own skill. You probably already knew all this. Nobody can help you.
>> No. 26264 [Edit]
Yes. I spend too much time thinking about it.

At the moment my plan revolves around acquiring welfare for Autism. I don't see myself ever being able to hold a job. After I get this I can start making a new life for myself.
>> No. 26266 [Edit]
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26266
>>26262
I'm 6 years older than you so maybe I can share my experience, at least. At your age I was working in the most awful job you can imagine without any hope for the future. At 30 I was even worse, unemployed, hopeless (and close to being homeless too), seriously thinking about the easiest way to kill myself before things got worse. One year later and by sheer luck I got a simple job, minimum wage but enough to mantain myself, and that until today.
I'm completely alone, outside work I just talk with my mother once a week, my perspectives for the future are to keep my job as long as possible, while saving money and trying to improve into the usual things (learning japanese, drawing), besides material gratifications.
My fears are losing my job and mental degradation, things going well would mean my life not changing too much until I die. Most of my free time is relatively good but sometimes I feel depressed and melancholic, and I know my mind is fucked up at some degree.
Only advice I can really give you is to have a good mindset and not falling for regreet of any kind, you can be your biggest enemy, but if you still want the normal life then I don't know about that.
>> No. 26267 [Edit]
>>26262
I'm meditating a lot and working on achieving enlightenment on the Hermetic Path.
People need a goal in life, I think. If yours are friends or skills or making money, that's fine as long as it works for you. But having a goal, any goal, is important.
I think I will grow older, maybe I'll find a job, maybe I'll do some sorcery for hire, maybe I'll be on NEETbux forever. I won't make friends, because I can't. I won't care for money, or what others would call useful skills, or having people to talk to, because I never did. I will care for my spiritual development, which is a constant struggle against modernity, but that I don't mind, because it's something I see as purposeful, even if it's painful.
I'll probably die alone and poor, maybe sooner, maybe later. I don't mind, everyone dies in the end.
>> No. 26268 [Edit]
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26268
>>26267
You're what I would like to be, you emit sincerity, security, peace of mind and independence.
>> No. 26271 [Edit]
>>26267
> achieving enlightenment
>will care for my spiritual development
Can you elaborate more on these two? What sort of enlightenment are you striving for? "Spiritual development" is a bit of an overloaded term; given the mention of meditation are you seeking to quiet your mind and realize contentment in the midst of isolation?
>> No. 26273 [Edit]
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26273
>>26271
I am a Hermetic practitioner, so I practice Theurgy (what most people would know as "magic"), Alchemy, and Astrology.
Not equally though. I started with Theurgy about 15 years ago, started getting into alchemy about two years ago and am currently working on wrapping my head around astrological basics (it's quite a bit more complicated and exact than the newspaper stuff you might be familiar with).
The basic of Theurgy is meditation, to quiet the brain, to unify the will, to enable action on a higher plane. It teaches about how the universe works through subjective experience, and the application of this knowledge is what might be termed magic.
Alchemy in this meaning is spiritual first, and once the spiritual act has been completed, the corresponding physical act may be accomplished. Astrology is the exploration of how the universe works in the "objective", non-personal way. In a way, it is the opposite of Theurgy. Through it, the effect of the environment on you (and a good many other things)can be explored.
The enlightenment I mean is, in the short term of this lifetime, what a Zen Buddhist might call Satori, or what a Golden Dawn follower might call Knowledge and Conversation with the Holy Guardian Angel, attaining communication with your higher self (which only be truly accomplished with the realization that the "I" and the body are separate).
In the long term of many rebirths, the inevitable end once your feet are firmly on the hermetic path is what might be termed godhood by a pagan, or angelhood by a Christian: Immortality, great knowledge of all things, and through that great power over your surroundings, as well as oneness with the Father.

Post edited on 30th Dec 2020, 9:48am
>> No. 26307 [Edit]
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26307
>>26273
Do you ever worry about whether being a coward will prevent you from discerning truth in the world? How can you pursue something like that when your moral foundation is flawed? What else but purity of spirit could discern such things?
Honest question. I like what you wrote, i am reminded of it in my own aspirations.
>> No. 26308 [Edit]
>>26262
I'm working towards a very specific computer certificate degree right now that I do not have any motivation or heart for, but I know it's not practical to just drop it because I don't care for it. It kind of sucks but I've consigned myself to a boring and safe future. I've never been interested by any practical real world skills anyway so it's not like I have some dream career that I'm giving up. I don't see how people can be excited about shit like being lawyers or doctors, it seriously makes me want to claw my eyes out even imagining spending the next 30 years slogging away at some boring human career. Maybe if I could do something in military science or have enlisted that would have been cool, but I have worse health than most corpses, on average. I'm not stupid either, I can do pretty much anything woth computers and it's easy, but it's fucking boring. I don't know why god made me good at something I hate. I wish I was fit and could spend weeks in the woods hunting and fishing, without worrying about bleeding my ass off or catching a deadly cold. I would be happy just being a fucking neanderthal, I think. Bears are less frightening than job searching, and I've confronted both in their natural habitats and only one of them made me almost shit myself with nervous fear. Oh god why, why did you make the average person such a mind numbingly annoying specimen, why do they want to have small talk and socialize when I would prefer to get clear concise orders and then have them shut the fuck up. The only interesting thing technology produced were nukes, and those are never used for fun things anymore.
>> No. 26309 [Edit]
I find meaning in enjoyment, and I find enjoyment in hobbies and creative pursuits, even though I'm not great at any of em. I read a lot, write fiction occasionally, blog to an audience of nobody (it's fun to express yourself), draw and program.

I have no goal, no coherent political worldview, nothing I'm striving for, no dreams, no purpose, no close relationships of any kind, barely any mores or attachments, not much of an internal moral system. And I'm quite happy.
This is my answer. I've emptied myself and it feels pretty nice.
>> No. 26310 [Edit]
>>26307
I've worried about that when I started, but as time went on, it felt as if your spirit reshapes itself as you have more divine energies flowing through you, and as the elements get more balanced through practice, leading to a more stable mind. It's not really an issue, I think. You become worthy with practice.

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