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24516 No. 24516 [Edit]
Tomorrow I will be going to a neurologist. I have been keeping up the masquerade and going through the motions for many years already, and I think that I can't fool anyone anymore.
People can tell that I'm not one of them, several incidents in the lasts days have ascertained me of that. My parents told me last night that the have already booked a appointment with a neurologist to whom they are acquainted with, and that is set for tomorrow.
I'm somewhat concerned with this, I'm afraid of what I would have to reveal, and the implications of such, but refusing to go doesn't seem like an option. Can someone who's been through this give some advice? Even if you have never been in a similar situation, I would appreciate your assessment.
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>> No. 24517 [Edit]
>>24516
Tell us about these incidents.
>> No. 24518 [Edit]
Do NOT let them give you antipsychotics.
>> No. 24520 [Edit]
Consultation's over. He said he thinks it is aspergers, and directed me to another psychologic clinic where supposedly they will perform lots of tests.
>> No. 24522 [Edit]
>>24520
Shrinks horrify me. If I were you, I would do my best to justify not making an appointment with the psychologist. I am not sure what your situation is, but, above all, absolutely do not tell them anything that would give them reason to suspect you might hurt yourself or others. They may be obligated to throw you in a psychiatric ward. Otherwise, I would generally advise against taking most meds they prescribe if you care about the clarity of your mind. The best way to do this is to never stop foot in their office to begin with.
>> No. 24524 [Edit]
>>24522
When my parents told me I would be going to a neurologist I immediately made it pretty clear that I am hard-set on no meds. By the looks of it there is little probability of such a thing happening, it seems that the farthest it will go is psychotherapy.
Refusing to go now would only worsen the situation. I it becomes more bothersome later on I will make my case about leaving the doctors.
Next appointment will be in a few weeks, so there's a lot of time until then.
>> No. 24525 [Edit]
>>24522
I don't think you should discourage an anon like this right away.
Shrinks, there are good and bad ones out there, I think it's wise to at least test the waters yourself OP.
I've been to therapists and psychiatrists after my dad had enough of me wasting away my own life and I got diagnosed to be somewhere on the spectrum too.

I was extremely wary of those who were supposed to 'help' me but fortunately for me I got in contact with the right people and eventually ended up with a proper job despite having barely any education or experience and managed to build a life that doesn't entirely take place 40cm away from a computer screen. I still got on meds but I need that to stay focused at work.

So I think you should take this opportunity to change things around, maybe it won't go as expected, maybe it doesn't bring you anywhere at all. It'd be a real shame if you were to give up before trying.
Good luck and keep your eyes open.
>> No. 24526 [Edit]
>>24525
Thanks. I just wanted this to move at a faster rate. It feels like an eternity since I made this thread, and there will be another until the next appointment, which will be those damn tests, that are so many one cannot take them all in one day, but has to distribute them throughout the week. I just want to see the shrink and see what he can do.
Currently my house is filled with normalfags/Ford Drivers(parents from afar) and is yet to be filled with even more. Only when these people take their planes and leave will I be able to return to my room and resume this whole thing.
>> No. 24527 [Edit]
A while ago I went to see a psychiatrist and a therapist. It did not help at all, it was like they didn't understand me at all, all the advice they gave and the things they said were not applicable to me at all. The Psychiatrist told me to read a book by Jordan Peterson and then send me on my way.
This disheartened me but I think they probably just offer the same advice and say the same kinds of things to everyone, because it probably does help 99% of people. So now I am going to see an autism specialist and see what they think, maybe they will have a better understanding of me.
>> No. 24530 [Edit]
I would be considered lucky to many on this imageboard. Although I had the material needs growing up, my case was mostly parental neglect and likely Aspergers (little interest in people, more interest in things and events) and social anxiety which has improved for at least superficial conversation. In addition to therapy at high school I had a friend to play a lot of games with and talk for a few years, although it's been over 4 years since that fell apart.

I've learned basic interaction skills to function in public and care less about boredom and sadness in life compared to the past, although have little real interactions nowadays. I suppose I live in a first-world country where employment is possible without being too tiring or dangerous as well.

As I grow older I realize that everyone has problems, some featuring worse stuff like drug addiction and broken homes are common nowadays and that "successful" people just tend to think less and let work grind down their souls and then try to pray it away if they believe in a sky daddy. So I don't care as much anymore even though I don't expect myself to become much more neurotypical.
>> No. 24534 [Edit]
>>24530
But people are interesting, people are things and events!
>> No. 24539 [Edit]
>>24530
Interestingly, neglect and ASD are often misdiagnosed as each-other.
>> No. 24792 [Edit]
File 157192423667.jpg - (1.78MB , 1700x2276 , db59fffa5e96ea5f46d8845039da8cc8b139de5a36cdec217c.jpg )
24792
OP here.
This thursday I finished the last appointment of the aforementioned exams. They were 6 in total, plus the first introductory consultation and the upcoming results, two weeks from now.
Those tests, or as she would call it "tasks", were actually fun. It was more about testing your memory skills, visual thinking, these kind of things. There was usually a week-long break between each appointment. I can go into more detail about the tasks and describe them better if you guys want it.
On the 5th appointment after the tasks I was handed a form, that I needed to fill, I was like a personality test. There were statements and I had to grade them from 1 to 7, measuring how accurately they described me. I actually thought this was kind of hard, and exhausting. I don't like these kind of things. So unlike other days that appointment took quite some time to be finished, and I went on my way.
Next week, on the 6th appointment I started doing some tasks, and was doing them pretty well, as I would be told I completed them before the expected time or similar things. And them I was handed what I was handed another form. This time it was about physical symptoms of distress. None of them really applied to me, except maybe the trouble sleeping, but it focused more on not being able to go back to sleep instead of entering it to begin with. After then came the last form, and here is were I may have committed a mistake: This form was an collection of really negative and depressing affirmations, and played like the last one. Most of these seemed like the average sad imageboard post but written from a ford-driver perspective. I didn't circled these, opting always for the less negatives. But near the end of the form I was beginning to feel somewhat upset, can't really tell why, and then came a question that asked about thought of ending one's life. The first option said "These never cross my mind", and the second "These may cross my mind, but I would never act on them", and two other more suicidal statements. I spent some time on this one, and marked the second one, even tough looking backwards it seen much worse than the current situation, but the first one sounded too optimistic. And so this leads us to the current predicament, where I am here thinking I may have fucked this hole thing by accidentally making it seem that I may go and try something dangerous, and they will interpret that answer as a warning sign, and overreact to it.
>> No. 24793 [Edit]
>>24792
>by accidentally making it seem that I may go and try something dangerous, and they will interpret that answer as a warning sign, and overreact to it
I wouldn't worry about it too much. As useless as shrinks/psychologists are, they're usually taught that even among people with suicidal ideation, most usually don't act on it. And the fact that the question is pretty strongly worded to state "would never act on it" seems to imply that the crux of the question was shifted more towards assessing the extent of depression than whether you have suicidal ideation.

If you are interested you can read up on how most shrinks are probably taught to handle patients with depression and suicidal ideation: https://www.aafp.org/afp/1999/0315/p1500.html. It's a bit dated but probably hasn't changed significantly.
>> No. 24795 [Edit]
>>24793
That's reassuring. The link sends me to a 404'd page, though.
>> No. 24796 [Edit]
>>24795
Remove the period at the end of the link.
>> No. 24871 [Edit]
So this week I got the results. The doctor took quite some time to call me in, but the whole thing was fortunately pretty quick. She gave me a 10 page long assessment of the results.
In short, the results are inconclusive, there isn't anything you can really put your finger on. To be honest, I'm not disappointed, I prefer this way, not being sure of these conditions, living quantically between the normal and the not normal. I'm just tired of going to those clinics and this whole evaluation thing. I will still have to go to the initial doctor to bring him the results and my parents want me to engage in some cbt shit that will probably take at least a month, very optimistically, to end.
>> No. 24872 [Edit]
>>24871
That would have disappointed me. Just an explation of everything would be good. "Autism", then you don't have to worry about your awful childhood, and horrible teen years and awkward adulthood, there's something that explains it so it's not really your fault, all it's okay.
It's nice you can be happy with that, I envy you.
>> No. 24887 [Edit]
>>24872
>then you don't have to worry about your awful childhood, and horrible teen years and awkward adulthood, there's something that explains it so it's not really your fault, all it's okay.
Yeah, I get what you mean, and I sometimes saw it like this as well, but this kind of reasoning also brings a sense of doom. If all these bad things were completely out of your control then it also means they will probably keep happening and there's nothing to do about it.
>> No. 24888 [Edit]
>>24887
>they will probably keep happening and there's nothing to do about it

Yeah, but I have accepted that since like a decade or more so it doesn't really change too much. I'm in the point of trying not to feel too bad about the past, not in the point of changing things or anything.
>> No. 25109 [Edit]
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25109
So, I should be starting psychotherapy anytime soon.
I have failed nearly all my college classes, and surprisingly my parents are not as disappointed as I thought they would be. They gave some time to think about what I really want to do.
I would like some advice from more experienced anons here. I was doing a CS major, but to be honest I never really liked it. I just thought that it would be a good option for someone with antisocial tendencies, turns out I was wrong. My mother insists that I should get a university degree. She claims that without one it's nearly impossible to find a job that isn't slave labor. I don't know if that's true, but I don't live in America/Europe so what I heard from anons so far doesn't necessarily apply. My main options are going back to the same course I was in (don't want to), change courses, or try to find a job that would take someone with only HS certificate, that according to my mother the only one I could get would be loading boxers in a nearby supermarket full time, there's also the trade thing, but I don't know how that works here. Please share any advice.
>> No. 25110 [Edit]
>>25109
Good luck with psychotherapy. Go in with an open mind. If after the first 2-3 sessions it doesnt seem to be a good therapist, then find another. Not all therapists will be a good fit for you, not all forms of therapy will be a good fit for you.

I still think CS is among the best majors for antisocial people. It pays well and you can work from home in some jobs. Don't continue doing CS if you don't enjoy or at least tolerate it.

There are some trades which pay decent and are not slave labour. Many trades are hard on the body and health, which is a factory you must consider.

Your mother is correct in that the vast majority of jobs that don't require qualifications is slave labour. If you worked 1 week in a factory you would realise how much it sucks.
>> No. 25112 [Edit]
>>25110
>There are some trades which pay decent and are not slave labour.
Could you name a few?
>> No. 25116 [Edit]
>>25110
CS is good, but especially in Silicon Valley it's becoming increasingly necessary to be able to convincingly act like a normalfag if you want to pass their "behavioral interview." The technical interviews can also be pretty hit or miss, especially if you find yourself unable to think under pressure with other people watching you.

>>25112
Maybe Electrician?
>> No. 25120 [Edit]
>it's becoming increasingly necessary to be able to convincingly act like a normalfag if you want to pass their "behavioral interview."
Anybody who isn't a social butterfly is considered a toxic loser. If you don't pick up on every social cue, you're deemed a deplorable weirdo who needs sensitivity training before being fired in favor of someone who has "emotional intelligence." Inclusivity is a lie.
>> No. 25121 [Edit]
>>25112
Plumber?
>> No. 25122 [Edit]
>>25120
I don't think the situation is this bad, at least not in software firms. Even Google with its notorious internal politics (where "internal politics" can be quite literally comprised of gender and identity politics) isn't this bad, so long as you just keep quiet and avoid posting anything on internal boards. But yes with the way things are evolving I wouldn't be surprised if soon even a lack of participation in these shenanigans is taken as a negative signal.
>> No. 25125 [Edit]
I think a degree of social retardation is to be expected with any part of the IT industry.
>> No. 25477 [Edit]
OP here.
So, I had already a dozen or so sessions with the therapist. Her office is located quite far from home, and there are a lot of noisy kids in the waiting room. We're having the sessions online for now.
To sum it up, we had some talks and we came up with some goals for the semester and discussed some aspects of my personality.
But to be honest, lately I've been feeling kinda confused. I haven't told her anything fucked up yet, and this is exactly what has been on my mind recently. I mean I have not told these things to anybody, and do not feel like talking about them, at least not at the moment, but at the same time I feel like I ended up presenting a more presentable version of myself. And thus I fear that I might ending up creating a "character" for myself and then it will be hard to undo it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not lying or anything of the sort, it's just that I don't think it's the right time to talk about that.
>> No. 25478 [Edit]
>>25477
Lately I've been thinking about what psychologists do. Most of them they just work with "normal" people that has problems. But they are still normal, so maybe the psychologist can't really understand a person that's truly abnormal or even identify it. He will try to apply what works with the normal people, so he will fail. All this comes because I'm doubting you can apply general rules for everyone in something as complex as the human mind. Maybe it could work for a majority, but what about what goes out of the norm? It wouldn't be like trying to impose their own rules into someone?
>> No. 25480 [Edit]
>>25477
>And thus I fear that I might ending up creating a "character" for myself and then it will be hard to undo it.
I'm fairly certain that every one of us who has to live outside the comfyNEET lifestyle inevitably needs to practice this skill, along with everyone who's even slightly abnormie.

Even those of us on NEETbux are doing this (the Uncle Remus guides are very much about grooming an artificial character).
>> No. 25482 [Edit]
>>25478
I've been thinking like this as well. The thing is some statistics show that these sort of things are really more common than you would think, but at the same time there seems to be an incongruence between the data and reality. So it could be that they are in fact abnormal and thus no therapist will have experience with it, or they are common and most abnormal people are just good at maintaining a normal appearance, this also doesn't sound very realistic. But the question is, should not a trained professional who spent years of his life dedicating himself to psychology be aware and knowing of these sorts of things? This is the kinda of thing they are supposed to be prepared for, after all.
>> No. 25483 [Edit]
>>25482
I thought about that too, but if 99% of their patients are normal, how they will detect the abnormal? I'm just thinking about the advice and topics you usually hear. Like "humans are social animals". Sure, but there's a percentage of people that aren't, there has always been eremites that were happy living like that. How do they know they aren't just imposing their values to individuals that will be clearly unhappy with these values? I feel like I couldn't trust a psychologist.
>> No. 25879 [Edit]
File 159933197434.jpg - (847.93KB , 850x943 , escaping.jpg )
25879
So I called off all further appointments. This wasn't going anywhere. Most times she would just ask some awkward questions, or make these grading questionnaires. When I did tell her something in hope of a positive input or some explanation she would just nod and assent or ask more irrelevant details. Last weeks I've been skipping some appointments and the ones I showed up for I was very uninterested in participating, so she said we could call it off and I agreed.
This sort of thing doesn't really looks any helpful, I don't see why some people make so high of it. Using that time for any minimally relaxing activity sounds a better idea to me.
>> No. 25880 [Edit]
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25880
>>25879
There's lots of people that don't "talk with themselves" or they do it for short time, even people that don't spend a minute of self-reflection in all of their lifes. For them I can imagine talking about themselves for one hour can really make a difference, but for someone that has already spent hundreds of hours of introspection maybe it isn't particularly useful. I don't know why I've been thinking about this last days. It also has been talked in this thread recently, about how maybe most professional help would only work with normal people, because that's the most common public after all.
How do you feel about calling it off, disappointed?
>> No. 25881 [Edit]
>>25880
I'd even boldly wager that most people don't introspect. After all they seem to impulsively avoid being alone (immediately reaching for social media or something else to fill the void). It's similarly of no surprise then that the growing fad of "meditation"/"mindfulness" can end up inducing anxiety or "depression" [1] (as so diagnosed by shrinks, but it's nothing but the implicit recognition of the facade/sorry state we all live in).

[1] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/acps.13225
>> No. 25882 [Edit]
>>25881
I heard recently that one of the tests new recruits of navy seals have to pass to enter the force is just to stay alone,quiet, with your eyes open in front of a mirror for 15 minutes. And most of the candidates fail in this simple thing, they suffer anxiety attacks, etc.
It's problably bs but if it isn't it only makes me think how deep is the distance that separates me from the rest of the human species. And I wasn't even conscious about it for most of my life.
>> No. 25884 [Edit]
File 159941127068.jpg - (53.32KB , 563x511 , dark.jpg )
25884
>>25880
>There's lots of people that don't "talk with themselves"
Yeah, it was last year I found out that people with no inner speech actually existed. Sounds scary as hell.
Anyway, I agree with you. Orthodox therapy methods seem more fitted for low-introspection people. The "listening ears". As for calling it off, no I don't feel disappointed. I felt a lingering sensation of guilt, initially, as if I could have made more use of it. But upon further thought I concluded there was nothing really that could have been done, and so I don't have any resentments about it at all.
It wasn't all useless, though. Granted there was nothing she said that helped me at all, but there was one day where I was supposed to tell a short autobiography or something. After redacting the most fucked up parts, and telling the rest I actually realized one or two things. Not that I hadn't talked to myself about it, but somehow talking to other person made me notice a few things. Also on the beginning I became very self-aware of how other communicate amongst themselves and noticed my family's way of conversing seemed quite off the mark. But these are just two little things in six months, that are not very relevant and most of it I figured out without the therapist anyway. It's not worth the hassle.
>>25882
>It's problably bs but if it isn't it only makes me think how deep is the distance that separates me from the rest of the human species. And I wasn't even conscious about it for most of my life.
It's most likely bs. I'm not affiliated with the Navy at all, but last month I was watching the BUD/s documentary, and I don't think this sort of thing goes in line with the rest of the training, moreover a person who couldn't do that wouldn't have the mental fortitude to survive the first week, much less the six months of training.
>> No. 25885 [Edit]
>>25884
I think if such a test exists it would be one of the first things they do, to ensure no time is wasted on these people.
>> No. 25886 [Edit]
>>25884
>>25885
Maybe it wasn't even the navy seals but some other special forces, I don't remember the details. I tried to find about it but I only found some even weirder phenomena that makes people to have hallucinations if they spend too much time looking themselves in a mirror.
>> No. 25887 [Edit]
>>25885
>>25886
Before the actual training they do some physical assessment, the candidates must perform up to standards. That would be an appropriate time to do such a thing.
>> No. 25888 [Edit]
>>25885
>>25886
Before the actual training they do some physical assessment, the candidates must perform up to standards. That would be an appropriate time to do such a thing.
>> No. 25889 [Edit]
>>25882
Myths and bullshit. Even if it was used it would only prove such tests don't mean shit since SEALs have a thoroughly disgraceful record.
>> No. 25890 [Edit]
>>25889
>thoroughly disgraceful record.
What disgraceful record?
>> No. 26219 [Edit]
So I went to some autism specialist. She said she could give an autism card, that I could use at university and things similar to not need to do these group work projects. She would need to talk to my mother first, and after that it would be necessary that my mother talks with university or whatever else. Should I ask for her to deliver me this card? Thing is, I'm afraid that I might go on a list or something of autists and lose some opportunities in the future, also that my mother would see me differently after this.
>> No. 26220 [Edit]
>>26219
I can understand getting a card like that for certain things(single person dorm room), but avoiding group work seems like shooting yourself in the foot. Almost every job requires working in a group at some point or another.
>> No. 26221 [Edit]
>>26219
>she could give an autism card
Does she mean a medical certificate or a physical card? If it's the latter, I can't say I'd heard of such a thing. Googling it gives a bit more context, but handing over a card to people you meet seems pointless when it'd be easier to just remain silent and be thought as that "weird guy." I don't think the card itself really gives you any specific medical exemption (unlike e.g. those handicap ones), you'd just be relying on the goodwill of the person you present the card to. For universities, that would involve working with their disability/accomodations office to come to some arrangement. That seems orthogonal to having a physical card delivered to you.

> I might go on a list or something of autists
No such thing. I don't think you'd even have to mention it on job applications unless you think it's the type of job that would be hard to perform for you (in which case why apply to it?)

>I ask for her to deliver me this card
If it were me, I would not since there seems to be zero material benefit.

>>26220
Yes I agree that things like single person dorm would be very useful. But unless I'm misunderstanding that would only need proof of medical diagnosis, not a physical card. Group work is also highly overrated; even at uni the majority of people there will do the least amount of work possible. By contrast my experience in the workforce has been a lot more pleasant (probably dependent on the specific worplace as well; a selective firm is going to be more easy to get along with in than a minimum-wage one with little qualifications required) as people will genuinely cooperate to get things done.

Post edited on 16th Dec 2020, 4:07pm
>> No. 26231 [Edit]
>>26221
Well, I meant an actual certificate. Like stating this man has autism verified by X and X.
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