I took one of the most stupid decisions in my life.

I decided to go on an Erasmus+ in Georgia and, 7 days in, I want to home. But I can't. I could, I could just go to the airport. But I couldn't handle my parents, even if they said nothing. I've failed enough times already that I feel like a failure.

And the tragedy is that there is not even nothing wrong. From an objective point of view, everything has been good. There were a couple of issues, like losing my sim card (I had made another one to call/use internet, and put the old one in the wallet), but nothing major. People are nice, what I am doing is good. The only objective form of stress is because of the documents for the erasmus, but they don't really matter because at worst it would simply be a personal traineeship.

And yet I feel terrible. I am thinking about killing myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. Is it because I depend on other people so I feel like I am imposing on them but at the same we are not close enough for me to feel ok with that? maybe it's because I left my house, I have lived there for 10 years now on my own and now I have been to 2 hotels in 7 days and the reptile brain just wants to go back to his nest. Another possibility is that I have yet to find a new routine. People are nice here, but there seems to be a lack of organization, maybe we leave the 27th, maybe the 29th, maybe the 26th.
I sleep so much. I go to be at 10-11 pm to wake at 7.30, I am used to 6 hours of sleep, not this. It reminds me of when I went to my grandparents house because he was a physic professor and he wanted to help me with my studies, I was sleeping 10 hours per night.
I am afraid of leaving the hotel. Or, more than afraid, it's laziness. I haven't ate dinner 3 or 4 times already because I was simply too lazy and scared to leave the hotel room.

Maybe, when I will go to the place I am supposed to work in for the next 3 months I will be better. Get a place for a longer time, knowing what to do everyday, the days go by and I will see my return getting closer. It's just three months after all. Once I start working for real, I won't have time to think. I think that's the issue. I am not working enough. I have too much time to think. I could walk through the town, but I'd still be thinking about this and that. Writing my thesis, same thing. I hope that by the time the harvest is over, I'll feel better and I'll be able to focus.

There is one positive in this situation though. I am not getting drunk. I thought I had an issue but simply not having access to alcohol was enough to stop me.
Maybe all these negative thoughts are a form of withdrawal.