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23774 No. 23774 [Edit]
I took one of the most stupid decisions in my life.

I decided to go on an Erasmus+ in Georgia and, 7 days in, I want to home. But I can't. I could, I could just go to the airport. But I couldn't handle my parents, even if they said nothing. I've failed enough times already that I feel like a failure.

And the tragedy is that there is not even nothing wrong. From an objective point of view, everything has been good. There were a couple of issues, like losing my sim card (I had made another one to call/use internet, and put the old one in the wallet), but nothing major. People are nice, what I am doing is good. The only objective form of stress is because of the documents for the erasmus, but they don't really matter because at worst it would simply be a personal traineeship.

And yet I feel terrible. I am thinking about killing myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. Is it because I depend on other people so I feel like I am imposing on them but at the same we are not close enough for me to feel ok with that? maybe it's because I left my house, I have lived there for 10 years now on my own and now I have been to 2 hotels in 7 days and the reptile brain just wants to go back to his nest. Another possibility is that I have yet to find a new routine. People are nice here, but there seems to be a lack of organization, maybe we leave the 27th, maybe the 29th, maybe the 26th.
I sleep so much. I go to be at 10-11 pm to wake at 7.30, I am used to 6 hours of sleep, not this. It reminds me of when I went to my grandparents house because he was a physic professor and he wanted to help me with my studies, I was sleeping 10 hours per night.
I am afraid of leaving the hotel. Or, more than afraid, it's laziness. I haven't ate dinner 3 or 4 times already because I was simply too lazy and scared to leave the hotel room.

Maybe, when I will go to the place I am supposed to work in for the next 3 months I will be better. Get a place for a longer time, knowing what to do everyday, the days go by and I will see my return getting closer. It's just three months after all. Once I start working for real, I won't have time to think. I think that's the issue. I am not working enough. I have too much time to think. I could walk through the town, but I'd still be thinking about this and that. Writing my thesis, same thing. I hope that by the time the harvest is over, I'll feel better and I'll be able to focus.

There is one positive in this situation though. I am not getting drunk. I thought I had an issue but simply not having access to alcohol was enough to stop me.
Maybe all these negative thoughts are a form of withdrawal.
>> No. 23777 [Edit]
Am in the same boat. Don't even have to leave my home but everytime I think of my future I just get so scared and sad. I don't know what to do. I don't want to eat because I just don't have the hope to continue anymore. My life feels so restricted it's like I'm inside a cage.

The advice that I can give you so far, is to just endure it. Get up and eat some food even if you feel lazy, do what you're told, and go to bed. Wait until you come back home. Don't think, don't feel, just get through it all and go back home. That's all that I can say right now.
>> No. 23778 [Edit]
This makes no sense. What the hell is a erasmus?
>> No. 23779 [Edit]
I thinks it's uncertainty, fear of the unknown.
You'll come around, don't worry.

>>23778
Student and work exchange program.
>> No. 23780 [Edit]
once you go through something like that you'll feel compelled to make use of what you learned because of all the time and effort you invested in completing the studies and training. inevitably "making use of what you learned" will consist of slaving away making profits for some narcissist with an inherited business or someone else who got to their position of authority through nepotism or some other sleazy dishonest means. a lot of that hard work, valuable skills and effort they try to make you learn in school isn't intended for your own benefit, so don't feel like you're making a mistake if you don't follow the normie drone path to what they define as a successful life. their definition is self serving, nobody wants to admit that they've been tricked into slavery, makes them feel foolish and lose face. if it turns out that you want to be a hermit and live in a cave and make cave drawnings that nobody else will ever look at and you go ahead and do that and enjoy it then you've had a successful life. if you were born 20,000 years ago as a semicivilized halfmonkey and never left the valley you were born in an just sat in a tree and at fresh fruit and masturbated all day until you were eaten by a lion and no anthologist ever dug up your skeleton then you would have had a successful life. if you suffer miserably trying to make other people happy and satisfy their desires and expectations they will just continue to take advantage of you and you will be left with regrets and feel like a chump. furthermore the worst of the other people will seek you out for manipulation with leech-like coldness and instinct.

kakusu because /so/ is gay and i'm a retard
>> No. 23782 [Edit]
>>23779
>>23777
I am feeling better now, maybe I just needed to let it go out.

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