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No. 23674
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>>23393
I get what you're saying, but for me even cgdct anime has been ruined as an escape, I think I might have schizotypal personality disorder, I don't know for sure I haven't seen a therapist about it yet, maybe I will soon, anyway I seem to have the general symptoms at least, and what i'm trying to say with this tangent is that I just end up getting jealous of the characters who can act so friendly towards each other, every time I watch some happy anime like Hidamari Sketch or something I just feel like there's a hole in my chest and i'm a failure waste of space.
That coupled with all the lolicon stuff i've seen over the years growing up has made me sort of just not want to associate with that type of anime, it just makes me nauseous and brings all of my demons out to come fuck around with me and make me contemplate suicide in a fit of guilt, rage, self-hate, and loneliness.
I guess anime like that might just represent anything positive in this world, having friends, a family, loving yourself enough to just live and be content, it feels like i'm rejecting heaven, and i'm consciously going to hell, where I must belong.
I guess because I feel like I belong in hell I do sort of like some dark and/or edgelord anime, Elfen Lied for example, I really connected with the character of Lucy in the way she kills anyone around her, thinking they hate her or are mocking her in a really delusional way which she realizes is delusional but she still believes the delusions to be right and that people really do hate her, it really reminds me of myself, I metaphorically kill anyone who gets too close to me except for a couple childhood friends who I cling to whenever I meet them, like how Lucy does with Kouta, and they are drifting away and it's not their fault, but it feels like eventually i'll be all alone, and for some reason seeing someone go through the same thing as me in an abstract symbolic way makes me feel better, even though it's sad and in a relatable way, it feels therapeutic and I don't really know why.
Maybe seeing a cute anime girl with the same problems as me lets me sympathize with myself by proxy, and briefly escape from my sick self sabotaging deathbound mind.
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