I often feel like shit and feel that my life is not heading anyplace good but I never really feel empty.
I mean no offense but these things are 1st world problems. Like we surf the net with full stomachs while there are people who it bugs and their own shit.

>>22769
Oh I'm fully aware it could be worse. I prefer this over my depressive spells any day. But saying it's first world problems doesn't really help since then you're always better off than someone. It doesn't mean anything; it's just a deflection tactic. And that's part of the emptiness to me. Anymore it feels like words almost don't have meanings. Like they're just ways for humans to bark primitive signals at eachother.

Everyone else seems to have some sort of identity. But I don't, I'm just there. And I find it all so ridiculous. Reminds me of a part in No Longer Human, where the main character joins up with a group of communists. He doesn't even agree with them but it makes him feel alive, makes him feel like he has purpose. All of society is like this. Music is the most obvious example. People listen to stuff that makes them feel like they're something, like they're a warrior. Like they've accomplished something. And the reality is they'd be better if they did nothing at all. Because then they'd be forced to look at how silly they are. How silly everything is.

I do often feel like shit i haven't genuinely smiled or have been happy in 3 years.

Life feels like a boring monitor stream that I can't really get engaged in and don't have any feeling towards. Like the blinking screen of some phone on display at a cell service store, dull and noteworthy.

Very often in life. I don't think it's that uncommon? Some probably just pass the time better with TV and Youtube. I suppose in many cases I am actually grateful for my imagination and violent inner desires, they make me feel less empty from time to time.

Yeah, to be honest. Even when I do things to distract and lie to myself, I know deep inside that there isn't anything that can help me.

Also, fuck the people that say "first world problems". These cocksuckers shouldn't disregard anyone's problems just because it isn't a problem to them.

When I was living on campus, I felt pretty bad on most days, but at least I got things done and was advancing in life. Now I can barely bring myself to study and I'm not keeping up with most of my classes. Thankfully, my GPA wont be harmed, but I'll need an extra year or two to graduate.

Saying it like that makes my problems feel trivial, but I do feel like I'm drowning in apathy and inertia. I'm supposed to be learning engineering stuff, but I'm not. I like to to think I have a lot of time left in my life to learn what I have to, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm wasting pivotal time I'll never get back. Basically I have no source of reassurance or motivation. There's nothing else I'd rather do with my life either.

I want that sense of direction and self-assurance to come back. That feeling of "I'm doing okay and I'll be alright". There's probably other people experiencing this, but I feel completely alone and isolated in my problems.

>>26466
I've just recently graduated university after spending four extra semesters to finish my undergraduate studies. I can tell from experience that although the time in university is very unique and valuable, almost everybody wastes it away just like you and me. That is not particularly an issue when it comes to bigger picture of life.

>>26467
>although the time in university is very unique and valuable
I disagree that the time is in any sense "unique and valuable." It's certainly not a place for the intellectually curious to explore whatever they fancy, because unless you want to kill your GPA you will be stuck taking courses you don't care about and too busy with problem-sets and exam preparation on any courses that you could have potentially cared about. And most of the time for technical undergraduate courses you're learning things by yourself anyway from online resources.

The best courses I took in university were actually graduate courses, which had much more relaxed homework policies, no exams, and excellent lectures that focused on how things fit together in a broader framework.

But that sense of apathy (which I too feel) is a completely different issue. It can be temporarily suppressed by drowning yourself in work (which could possibly be why you didn't feel it as much on campus?) but that doesn't really solve anything and in the long-run makes the issue worse.

And more fundamental is the realization that there is no "moving forward" in life; I feel as though I'm just mechanically going about my day, biding time until I finally get to pass. Maybe occasionally I get some happiness from finding a good anime series, but then soon everything goes back to its usual dullness.

>>26475
>there is no "moving forward" in life
How about graduate, get job, move out?

>>26476
By the conventional definition that's "moving forward," but does it actually move you forward. That is, say you get a job; your daily role has not changed much, except substituting attending classes with going to work. I find it hard to see how that's much of an improvement (although depending on your workplace at the very least you will not have to "do" as much each day as you did in university) - if you were empty and listless and university, getting a job or moving out is not going to change that.

To be honest I'm not sure what would be an emotionally fulfilling or satisfying thing. Of course if I knew that then I wouldn't be on here.

>>26478
I can't keep my current lifestyle forever. I don't have that luxury. With financial independence, certain things would become available to me that aren't now. Most of all, being a professional engineer would boost my ego and give me an impenetrable source of validation and reason to feel above others. That feeling of being significant and valuable.

>>26479
>impenetrable source of validation and reason to feel above others
Well above everyone except for the theoretical math/science guys, who'd consider engineers to be beneath them.

>>26485
I'm an unemployable NEET and I consider engineers to be beneath me.

I feel that way a lot. I always wanted to do creative stuff when i was younger and would do it even though i often was limited by my skill.
But now even when i would have the skill i just don't have anything inside me to tell anybody or even myself.
I'd like to write a song, but have nothing to say, i don't know what to draw because nothing engages my imagination, etc. I can only go through the motions to keep me distracted, but that's about it. All i might have had inside me just vanished at some point.

>>26478
That's why you have to try new and varied things. Even if its slight I enjoy powerlifting a lot today and that began after years of being locked up in my room depressed. Home equipment started itfor me

>>26478
That's why you have to try new and varied things. Even if its slight I enjoy powerlifting a lot today and that began after years of being locked up in my room depressed. Home equipment started itfor me

I feel like I've become increasingly disconnected from the most common standards of morality. It's alienating. I don't feel guilty so much as unhappy knowing that the chances of anybody knowing everything about me and still accepting me is decreasing. Like I'm plunging into an abyss of guaranteed disconnect from others. I hate having to conceal things about myself, but my list of secrets is growing.

The only "solution" I can think of trying to change myself, but there'd still be some kind of unwashable stain and I resent the notion that I'm the problem and not everybody else. It's not like I killed anybody or something like that, but it seems kind of like that. A person who gets away with murder spends their whole life with a "stain" on them.

Eventually, they get used to the fact that they're this horrible thing according to other people. They can go to sleep at night pretty much fine. But they still can't tell anyone. They're still pretending they're something they're not, a normal "decent" person. How can you connect with others when nobody even knows who you really are?

>>26583
Oh, it's fine. Whatever you like is really good.

>>26583
>How can you connect with others when nobody even knows who you really are?

I guess most people just become what others think they are, instead of making them know how they truly are. Some don't have a public and a private persona, they are just the same thing.
Now for introverted fucks like ourselves it's a completely different situation, and it usually ends in strong dissociation and all it's consequences.

>>26584
Thank you, but that's a bit hollow. Where do you personally "draw the line"? Everybody seems to have some line they see as sacred.

Post edited on 11th Jun 2021, 11:32am

>>26585
I strongly believe that most friendships are a farce on both sides. During this so-called "pandemic" you'll find that many people lost contact with their so-called "friends" whereas such a situation is exactly when it seems the strongest bonds should have been forged. Maybe I'm too jaded from watching countless SoL that paint an idealized view of friendship, but it seems that in the real world "true" friendship is so rare that it's not worth it

>>26626
As I see it, friendship like in SOL shows is mostly a thing for children and teens, adults don't have friends that way.

>>26626
>>26630
It's true. I had wonderful friends whom I loved a lot when I was a kid and teen, but that all faded into a generalized feeling of just being with people because you got used to each other. No emotion or value is present. And it's not like I had many friends, just a few in fact. I no longer keep contact with them. To make matters interesting, I not only lost contact with them during the fake pandemic but I now see them as wholly worthless and unimportant to my life. I don't even feel lonely. I realized that they added absolutely nothing of value to my life.

Friendship really is something that belongs in childhood.

Yeah I'm feeling it and it really hits me hard. The only thing that really keeps me together is giving my time and energy to my family and what remaining friends I have. Thats when I feel like there's some fulfillment. There are days where I feel like everyone is just living their life without me. I feel like being an empty witness to it. Like being a ghost or a spectator at a game. You don't feel like a player or protagonist at all. But just someone who watches. I don't feel happy or sad. But a void in my mind and body keeps me doubting myself. "Why do I do this?", "Why do I continue?". It feels very shallow and unfulfilled when I have these thoughts on repeat. Man its so hard to get rid of it.

Yes kind of but i don't have the choice. It gets worse when i let myself go and keep wasting my life and reminiscing about it, or thinking about what could have been, which is so damn stupid. Lately it was triggered by a specific music which made it much worse, i've been melancholic for 2 days now. Deep down i always found life beautiful (well at least in a developed society and all that, i know it's not a default state of things) but it was just not for me. The only thing i feel like i can do as i'm getting closer to my thirties is to just push through and fight the hardest i can so i don't get stuck in that emotional slump.