i had a hard disk crash about 10 years ago

yes. i spent 16 hours a day sleeping and the other 8 crying, for about 3 months. after that i'd still get nightmares occasionally but it was maybe 50/50 until a year later.

i guess i try not to associate with people who show signs of being suicidal anymore, since it's their decision in the end. no reason to get attached if they might die soon...

When I was 17, I lost my best friend to auto-erotic asphyxiation. That really fucked me up; it took about two years to really get over that, but even now I think that it is bizarre, since no one thought that he would do such things.

I also learned that a guy who I knew online in the mid-00s jumped off a 10th floor balcony of a hotel in Madison a little over a year ago. He had schizophrenia, but was very brilliant. I have something similar to that condition, so I am afraid that I will do that someday.

No, but my mother attempted to commit suicide about 10 years ago and blamed it directly on me.

It totally changed the relationship I had with her, from a deep grudge and total hate to a guilt-induced reborn affection. Before and after that, she was very sick (neurologically) and had to stay at home, so I partly started my shut-in years in order to be always there for her and make he company for her remaining days (I was ready to commit suicide myself once she was gone). However, she eventually got better and I had to go outside once again, to try and regain purpose in my own life. I'm still trying to deal with, but I certainly cannot socially fit anymore, nor I long to; I just do what I have to (work) and immediately go back to my room to try and have some time of my own, in my little world. Over those years, my mother also started using internet as an escape, and now she also spends most of her time in front of a computer. Once a hiki always a hiki, I guess.

I lost someone who was really important to suicide when I was 19. She was a bit older than me (24). That was about 3 years ago. She was pretty odd, I think she had schizophrenia or something. I'm not certain, but she was really tortured and depressed. constantly pushed away any praise, had a hard time dealing with contact, etc. She worried about being schizophrenic because her mother was. She had a very hard life, and I tried to be kind and treat her well because I truly did care about her, all of the dark stuff aside, she was a wonderful person, but it wasn't enough. Maybe I'm too weak or maybe her sadness was too strong. It feels pointless and stupid to think about. What happened happened and nothing can change that.

She didn't have many friends or family - her father committed suicide when she was very young (kind of a 'perfect storm' for this kind of situation, let's be real) and she had three sisters who kind of hated her, she was very different from them and had some confrontations in the past, so I kind of just separated from them when it happened. She absolutely hated her friends. I didn't go to the funeral, don't even know what cemetery she is interred in. I feel really bad about it sometimes but such things always struck me as pointless anyway. The only thing I have left of her is a necklace and that's more important to me than some rock with her name on it.

Something died in me when i found out she was gone. Someone really important to me is gone forever. It's hard to think about. I guess I became more reclusive. my anxiety issues kind of compounded. It kind of pushed the soul-crushing concept of death onto a very naive young man in an extremely powerful way. I realized that all I really want to do in life is watch cute 2d girls and escape from the horror of existence, to be honest.

it's really shitty but life goes on, people come and go. It'll happen to you too, eventually. That's also a reason to not kill yourself though. You get there when you get there, why speed it up?
I guess it's a question of how much suffering you feel in your life. Some people are more sensitive than others. Suicide results when someone determines that their life absolutely will not get any better, but I can't really understand that way of thinking.
As long as you're alive good things will happen. Nothing happens to you when you're dead. Death is nothingness. But some people want nothingness, I know I do somedays. It's a complicated business.

i n e v i t a b i l i t y

>>22373
>i'm brilliant
>i post 3d on tc

well aren't you super special?
please keep your brilliance to yourself next time

>>22376

I said that he was brilliant, not me. While I am basically smart, I don't think that I'm going to amount to anything significant, and neither did he, to be frank. Sure, he might have if he had gotten help.

I posted that picture because it is a vaporwave motif. But here is a 2d picture for you.

>>22375

I am really sorry that she did that. She probably felt really lonely; I can relate, but I stopped caring about being lonely a long time ago.

>>22375
>Suicide results when someone determines that their life absolutely will not get any better, but I can't really understand that way of thinking.
>As long as you're alive good things will happen.
It's not that good things can't happen, it's also that your life can be so shitty the negative things overwhelm the little positivity you may have left. It's not that simple.

Ye,
half a year after I changed school in 11th grade.
I was sick at that time and we assumed that it might be scarlet, since it was passing around the city it that time.
He was the only person in the school, I could feel fine around with, without any signs of being annoyed or aggressive.
From what I've heard he did it after a girl ended her relationship with, he also said things like "I wouldn't mind if a car ran me over", before he did it.
My father drove me to his funeral, but while I was there he and my brother went to a hardware store, so I had to wait for them for half an hour after the funeral.
Then, on the way home they wanted me to tag along in a big store for instruments, although I simply wanted to sleep.
My sister also asked me a few times, if I was also planning on a suicide.
I don't think alot about it nowadays, but sometimes I still wonder what my life would be like, if he was still alive.

My friend in high school killed himself a few days before Christmas. Saw him two days before he did it and he seemed fine. Had complete assholes for parents, though. They were barely upset at all at the funeral and got annoyed at his younger siblings for crying and embarrassing them. Apparently he had gotten into a fight with them and then went into the basement and hung himself. Still wonder to this day if it was really a suicide...

>>22374
That's incredibly unfair of your mother man.