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20298 No. 20298 [Edit]
Do you guys ever become extremely depressed several times a day when your memory makes you remember all the retarded, stupid and shameful shit you did back in the days? How do you guys deal or have dealt with this? I have been having these flashbacks of things I did or say many years ago and they have haunted me ever since. I can't deal with them or forget them, so I get this anxiety issue where I just want to dissapear or run away to a place where nobody I know will ever find in order to never have to deal with the things I did in my past ever again.
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>> No. 20300 [Edit]
>>20298
>>20299
I'm in the same boat as you guys.
I wish I knew a way to forget all the stupid things I've said but I don't.
>> No. 20301 [Edit]
It used to trouble me. I started using meta cognitive technique, and it worked pretty well for me. The reason it works is that human attention spans over ca 15 seconds, so if you can distance yourself from it for that long, the discomfort will gradually fade. Disclaimer: if you actively ruminate over troubling things - it won't work out. You need something else you can put your mind to. Trying to actively forget something is about the worst thing you can do.
>> No. 20302 [Edit]
I used to have this problem and still do have a lot of thoughts on how I could've dealt with life in better ways. Even then perhaps I'm the type of person to say that I gave certain things (or living) their all during that time and just have to slowly move on while having such things as memories. It may be a little hard to sympathize with the past self but I guess I have to do it.
>> No. 20303 [Edit]
>>20302
I got over most of them by your way but still the most awful experiences haunt me every now and then. Also it doesn't help to get a new shameful experience which you can't as easily "blame" on your past.
>> No. 20304 [Edit]
>>20301
Hmmm... I'll try to remember this 15 seconds rule for human attention span. Maybe it will help.
>> No. 20305 [Edit]
I just like to think that I was a different person back then.
>> No. 20306 [Edit]
That's funny, I was having exactly those types of thoughts today, nice to see a thread about the issue here.

For me, they're not as serious as they could be but they do happen to appear every now and then, to which I respond by hating myself. Thankfully, It just goes away over time with the help of video games and other hobbies, until I remember or cause another fuckup and the process repeats itself again.

It helps to be realistic about it, for instance I try to remember that it happened a while ago and no one remembers it, and those that do don't give a shit to bring it up to me when/if they meet me. If it happened a while ago I pull off the classic "The past is in the past" type excuses. If it's something that happened recently, then it becomes a lot harder to cope with, but as time passes by I'll forget about it and move on provided I don't do any other retarded shit.

If it's a very serious level where no matter what you do you constantly remember them, I guess you can take therapy or medication, I hear the former works very well.
>> No. 20307 [Edit]
I used to, but nowadays its only a slightly discomfort in the rare moment i i thnk back.
In some cases i can even laugh it off.
THen again i havent done anything really retarded back then.
>> No. 20309 [Edit]
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20309
Everything will become chemical soup in a few weeks.
>> No. 20310 [Edit]
>>20303
Blaming it on the past might not be enough if there's always new things that end up troubling you. Personally I wouldn't focus on the contents of your bad memories, but rather how they make you feel. Your bad feelings is a train in the distance. Gaze upon it from the hills, and sooner or later it will fade away in the horizon. It's not bad to be a passenger once in a while. Just be conscious about it, and step off at the nearest stop. It's just a bad train of thought, it can't hurt you, unless you let it run you over.

If you're suffering from trauma then that's a different beast entirely that you're dealing with.
>> No. 20380 [Edit]
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20380
Once you realize everyone did stupid and shameful things then it stops bothering you as much.

I was a wannabe-goth when I was a teen and I made some pretty awful things and participated in some absolutely embarrassing forums. I even made an AMV with unregistered hypercam 2.

Everyone looks at the past and thinks "man I was [something negative]." Not everyone did the same things, but it's the same feelings and reactions. You also have to face those feelings.
It's like the face your fears thing. If you keep running you'll always get the same emotions. Thinking about your shameful and embarrassing deeds and accepting that they happened makes it trivial over time.

Maybe you'll even learn to laugh at things you did (or do).
>> No. 20382 [Edit]
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20382
>>20380
>I was a wannabe-goth when I was a teen and I made some pretty awful things and participated in some absolutely embarrassing forums. I even made an AMV with unregistered hypercam 2.

Hey, at least you DID something. You want to know what I did? NOTHING!!!

You know WHY I did nothing? Because I rode the modenr internet culture of paranoia in its first waves and I spent my entire teenage years doing nothing in fear of "muh cringe factor". I was so afraid of what other people would think of me, I was damn terrified. You know what was the result of that? Now I can't do any of the crap I WANTED to do, any of the skills at all, because I never trained. I never made mistakes I was able to learn from. Now I have the tactility and ability of an 8 yeard year old.

I fucking HATE, I am LIVID over everyone being SO fucking afraid of "cringe"! Do what you want to do no matter how silly or "cringey" it is! Make mistakes! Live life! At least you'll be filled with a reflective sense of satisfaction and nostalgia that you did something and had MEMORIES wheny ou're on your deathbed! I'm going to die a husk because I was too much of a fucking pussy to do anything but care about what the masses think of me.

I want to turn back time, the very thought of my wasted years makes me want to fucking vomit....
>> No. 20383 [Edit]
>>20382
I could have written this.
>> No. 20384 [Edit]
I think I'm a special case because I was completely aware I was being stupid and I did it anyway, and it's not a completely innocent Anime AMV type of cringe, it was something genuinely harmful.
>> No. 20388 [Edit]
Lately I've been thinking of contacting the people I'm afraid of remembering those events, maybe they can tell me it wasn't that bad or at least I can stop wondering if they remember or not.
At the very least I've heard that telling someone about a painful memory helps you forget.
>> No. 20389 [Edit]
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20389
>>20382

Yeah, most people don't realize that in order to be a success, you have to learn how to be a failure first. Or at least, you have to be comfortable with initial failure. For no success worthwhile is just given to you; this is why many young women who are phenomenally beautiful stop becoming so happy and wonderful as they age. Such women stop becoming beautiful, and they stop becoming treasured, and then they lose the success that was handed to them. Success is something that you have to work for if it is going to be worth it, and in order for that to happen, you have to get used to mistakes.
>> No. 20390 [Edit]
>How do you guys deal or have dealt with this?
I try to immediately focus on something else. Learning how to do it fast enough is a long process, though.
>> No. 20396 [Edit]
>>20384
Well you can always relapse into the alternative form of degeneracy that is parodies and organized mockery.
>> No. 20409 [Edit]
This happens for me at random times during the day, sometimes I just laugh out loud or randomly swear. Which makes me look like a psychotic to onlookers. I wouldn't do it in a crowd though.
It also happens in dreams where they take on a whole other level of awkward where I have to do it all over again with all the spontaneous nonsense of dreaming.
It feels like it happens most often with social encounters, particularly ones where I didn't want to look them in the face after. I swear it's not even my fault, I'm just doing my thing and find out I was wrong or regret it later.

I will never live down the one time I had an irritated neck and made a redneck joke in grade 6.
>> No. 20410 [Edit]
All the time and it's gotten worse over the last few months as I've been having recurring nightmares where I'm back in school. It's horrible and I wish I could just forget everything.
>> No. 20499 [Edit]
I sometimes dream and think I am still in the Navy and other related things, but that was over 22 years ago. I was in for a total of 3 years. It's terrible. I get the feeling I am a prisoner but my body is much older than it was. I keep thinking of the same damn stuff I was going to have to do those days. I wake up and look around confused not knowing which bed I am in.
>> No. 20500 [Edit]
Some stuff may be stupid, but keep in mind, everything anyone does at any point in time is justified by their experience. I just distract myself until the thought passes, literally trying to "shout over it" in my head.

Also, I'm good at avoiding triggers. Anytime something pops up that might cause me to remember something uncomfortable, I just leave. There's a split second when you encounter xyz before you think of abc, and in that second you gotta gather all your strength and get away immediately before it hits. Do it fast enough and you'll be safe. Never dwell on it, never let it fester
>> No. 20503 [Edit]
Huh. How old are you now and what have you done with your life since? I like to learn from the older people here, because I'm not so young myself (I'm almost 32).
>> No. 20505 [Edit]
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20505
>>20503
>I like to learn from the older people here
I'd like to know your story, anon
>> No. 20509 [Edit]
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20509
My life can't be described in a mere sentence or two, but I'll try. I was raised in an emotionally and psychologically abusive house, I got misdiagnosed with autism and was treated like a retarded baby for ten years, I got a Master's degree, I got correctly diagnosed with a condition related to Schizophrenia, I couldn't find any decent jobs, I worked every day delivering newspapers while having a second job to support it (AND I still didn't make enough to live on), my mother died of ovarian cancer, I moved out of the house because my father was going to have me pay him money AND work for him for free, and now I'm on SSI.

My hobbies are reading philosophy, and writing. I'm also interested in making GIFs now.

Whew.
>> No. 20518 [Edit]
I've been ruminating on every stupid action I've ever taken for months now and I can't stop doing it no matter how hard I try.
>> No. 20520 [Edit]
>>20518
Fuckin welcome to the club
>> No. 20523 [Edit]
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20523
What I like to do is twist meanings and things around so that it bothers me less. Say, what if I once played an instrument then I heard some neighbor yell "STFU" so I got embarassed and stopped playing. But what if he was yelling about something else? I always keep thoughts like that in mind and tend to downplay situations. Nothing is absolute. Even if it seems so, I'll find really farfetched ways to change subjects or narrative, for my own good.

That and assume that everyone else has either forgotten about it since or doesn't care (as much as I do). Which is often true, because of "the spotlight effect".

You can also think "in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter". Whenever I'm following a sci-fi series set in space, it usually helps to realize how small we are. Seeing the cosmos, other solar systems,...

And another thing, the "shedding your skin" is what I call it. The stuff you've done happened at least a while ago (and if it's recent, give it some time, since time heals wounds at least somewhat), and since then you've learned. Y²ou've shed your old skin containing those mistakes you've made and now it's no longer your concern, it's abandoned. It's no longer you.

I should publish some cheap psychology book, jeez. But yeah, those are some of the things I've been trying out.
>> No. 20536 [Edit]
>>20523
The idea of some oblivious autist deflecting ridicule for his obnoxious behaviors with nominalist banalities is simply delicious.

>I should publish some cheap psychology book
You're about 30 years too late. Post-structuralism diffused into the self-help domain and was picked clean by talentless regurgitators a long time ago.
>> No. 20792 [Edit]
One thing that helps me cope with such worries is learning that everyone has shame, to some extent. Some people just constantly mentally flagellate themselves to pieces while others move past it. I am someone who has a hard time moving past it, and because you are here, I am assuming you do too.

I sometimes worry about my death, and looking back on my life as a waste because of foolish things that happened, or didn't happen, depending on your interpretation.

Post edited on 14th Oct 2015, 9:28pm
>> No. 20846 [Edit]
I have this problem all the time, it comes and goes, objectively I haven't done anything all that terrible but a lot of things were embarrassing or I still regret them for multiple, non-succinct reasons. I hate pretty much all of my brief sexual history.

I usually calm down when I realize I'm being excessively self-reproaching, that living today is hard for most people, and that I haven't done too terribly, all things considered.

There's some truth to that thing from Fight Club about how you have to hit rock bottom before you can start to crawl up, too. Almost no painful memory or embarrassing experience is defining if you can accept it and build it into something better. At least you can try.
>> No. 20991 [Edit]
It's not even "back in the days" anymore. Things that only happened maybe yesterday become a source of crushing shame for me, on top of all the run-of-the-mill kid on the internet stuff. I even cringe at things I've said on this website.
>> No. 21016 [Edit]
>>20991
I sometimes make weird noises when I remember a shameful moment. Now, it's not bad when I'm at home, I'm used to talking to myself, but it also can happen outside. Usually the voice is like "aaaaaaaargh".
>> No. 21018 [Edit]
>>21016
I do this too & I'm probably going to look back on it in a few years and cry, just like everything else
>> No. 21386 [Edit]
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21386
Over the years I've been doing shit I regret on a daily basis from mistakes to decisions that have caused me and others great harm while most recover from things I've done I do not really recover. I can't be very forgiving with myself for anything I've done whether it was something I said or something I did the past is not something I can change and I never seem to learn my lesson I keep doing shit I regret. Even recently stuff I did will probably haunt me for a long time or the rest of my days. I don't have a real way to cope with feelings of shame, regret, or dread that I'll do something again. I can hold onto something for years usually resentments of people or things that happened. As a result I suffer from depression and I feel I may be developing anxiety now because the future looks very dark for me I feel I'll just keep making mess ups because I don't know how to get what I want without hurting someone in the process.

>so I get this anxiety issue where I just want to dissapear or run away to a place where nobody I know will ever find in order to never have to deal with the things I did in my past ever again.
I've been wanting to do that OP, I want to move to some desolate isolated place and start over because of all the that is on my mind constantly but I feel even than I'd mess that up to.
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