NEET is not a label, it's a way of life!
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File 141266169244.png - (315.06KB , 672x676 , 1409900327013.png )
18810 No. 18810 [Edit]
I have issues with social anxiety, panic, agoraphobia, and depression.

I told my parents about my problems. They told me to talk to staff at college. I talked to one of my professors. He told me to talk to a counselor. I talked to a counselor. They told me to talk to a therapist. I talked to a therapist. I don't really like them, and I've tried other therapists who weren't helpful. None of them seem helpful. The therapist told me to talk to people in random public places to try and make friends (as if someone with social anxiety will ever do that) and to talk to a psychologist. I talked to a psychologist and they told me to talk to people and also tried to get me to go back on medications, even though I've tried countless meds and none of them help and there are always negative side effects.

I feel so trapped and lost and alone. I've done everything most people would suggest doing. And everyone wants to pass me off to someone else, like a fucking game of hot potato. I don't know what to do.

I wish I had friends, but I don't know how to make friends.

I have a decent car. I'm in college going for an IT degree. I have money. I do occasional odd jobs so I have spending money for beer or weed or gas or food or whatever. I (surprisingly) have connections for weed. I'm a good listener. I'm very tolerant of other people's lifestyles and hobbies, even if they're completely different from my own. I can repair cars (at least simple stuff), electronics, and computers. I've built quite a few computers for various people and they're all very satisfied with them. I can make websites for people. I'm not the most amazing person ever, but I do have a couple redeemable qualities. Things that can be used as favors for people, so someone would get something out of being my friend. Wouldn't someone want to be a friend with someone like that?
But I have no friends. Not a single one. No one ever talks to me. The only people who used to hang out with me were people who used me for money, but they weren't my friends. I eventually cut off contact with them because I realized they saw me as a walking wallet rather than a friend. We were never friends.

People would probably tell me it's my fault for not initiating conversations with other people, but I just assume that they don't want me to. I hate myself, so I assume no one wants someone like to me just talk to them out of the blue. I'm also too anxious to start conversations. It's also that I think that people don't want someone randomly chatting them up in a public place. I assume most people make friends through mutual friends. Or if they do make a friend with no other relations to them, they'd probably ditch them once they find out that they don't have any other friends, because that's creepy or something. It's probably easy to make friends when you already have friends, but I don't have any at all.

Someone once suggested that I try volunteering, and that it would be a good way to meet friends. So I did volunteer computer repair at a place that helps homeless or poor people, offering important services beyond just basic shit like food and shelter. I repaired poor people's computers and refurbished donated computers, setting them up for poor people who need computers but can't afford them. But was this a good way to make friends? Absolutely not. All the people I did tech support with were really old, and none of them liked me, even though I was good at doing repairs. It was really uncomfortable, so I stopped going.

What should I do?
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>> No. 18811 [Edit]
>>18810
My social anxiety has gotten better over the years but I still feel most normal friendships require a normal set of interests and that it'll just suck if you can't happen to share your interests with anybody. As for the social anxiety part it's really just a matter of talking and dealing with all of the people that try to talk to you, I'd say just trying to calm yourself down is key... It's hard to explain my train of thought when I have to deal with normals, mostly I feel in a normal conversation everyone gives off a boring "it's nothing special" feeling. Don't get angry or aggressive with the normal, you might want to say "fuck off" but try to remind yourself that he or she is just acting according to a set of variables and as a human being these initial normal opinions don't mean shit -- just focus on the conversational system that you're being brought into and try to ignore judging and being judged. If nothing else just state a few of your meaningless opinions on the subject at hand. ("That's alright, it doesn't really matter for me") Try to have a mental overlay when you need to look into their eyes -- personally I try to not see their face and instead try to see them as a collection of flesh and shading.

Dunno how to fish for friends or interesting people, I can't help you on that one. Most normal friendships are hollow and they're just passing time with each other so I don't think they're missing out on much.
>> No. 18812 [Edit]
>>18811
>it's really just a matter of talking and dealing with all of the people that try to talk to you
>people that try to talk to you
all zero of them
>> No. 18813 [Edit]
Do you have any internet friends?
>> No. 18814 [Edit]
>>18813
No.
I've tried making internet friends, usually starting out from image boards or online games. We'll talk on Steam or IRC or something.
The first couple days go pretty well. Talking about hobbies and realizing you have a lot in common and you actually enjoy talking with them.
Then after a couple days, I run out of things to talk about.
The person stops messaging me. I stop messaging them. I have my friend list open and think about what I should say.
I consider sending them a message first, but then think that perhaps I'm just bothering them. Maybe they don't want me to message them. Perhaps we're not as compatible as I thought. Not everyone can be friends with everyone else.
Then I delete them and sometimes uninstall the program I used to talk to them.
>> No. 18815 [Edit]
>>18814
That's a start. But, just like you said, not everyone is compatible. A lot of times their expectations are higher, and the fact they stopped messaging proves that they probably lost interest and most likely had others they enjoyed more. The ones that will stick around are usually more laid-back and have very few friends themselves, with possible problems. I can't exactly give any better advice than this, since I struggle with friendship.
>> No. 18816 [Edit]
What IT degree are you studying for?
>> No. 18817 [Edit]
I don't feel like I can give much of an advice but friends are overrated. As far as Ford Drivers are concerned talking with their 'friends' usually amounts to summarizing who does what with whom. They seem to have no hobbies whatsoever so this is about the only topic they can talk with. This is also half a reason why you can't join their circle easily.
Friends are only really useful if one of your hobbies involves interacting with other people. Games are the most obvious example of this. Online video games work but traditional board games work even better as you have to take your time to meet with people to play with them (well, it's possible to play online but it's often frowned upon) so there's some initial investment from both parties that goes beyond saying 'hi' using some IM soft.

Again, this might be bad advice but I'd suggest questioning why you want friends to begin with. If your hobby is, say, reading books then you won't get much more enjoyment out of sitting in the same room as other people who also read books. If you just want to talk about your hobbies with someone we have this wonderful invention known as internet so surely there's some place on the net where you can talk about your interests, no matter how obscure they are.
>> No. 18818 [Edit]
>>18816
I'm specifically studying networking. TCP/IP and subnetting and Cisco IOS and all that good stuff.
>> No. 18820 [Edit]
are you lonely?
>> No. 18821 [Edit]
>>18818
>weed connections

growing my own organic weed is one of the few things l love in life, I think we'd be fine being friends since there's a lot of people into this that I could know irl if l wanted and having someone to tag along would be good but you're from another country so it can't be helped.
>> No. 18822 [Edit]
>>18820
When I'm by myself, I sometimes think about how it might be nice to be around people. When I'm in a social situation, I think of how it would be nice to be alone.
>> No. 18823 [Edit]
Wanna be steam friends op?
>> No. 18828 [Edit]
File 141282548532.png - (2.24KB , 294x32 , friend list.png )
18828
>>18823
if you're okay with an awkward person who doesn't play video games very often (and isn't good at them either), sure

steamcommunity.com/id/installgentoo/

Post edited on 8th Oct 2014, 8:39pm
>> No. 18830 [Edit]
If only I didn't have a shitty neet PC. Almost everyone has Steam.
>> No. 18831 [Edit]
>>18830
How shitty? Lots of good old games you can probably run.
>> No. 18832 [Edit]
>>18830
There are plenty of 2D games or old games that were made for hardware from 10+ years ago. Bad graphics, but still fun.
Also, you can use Steam to talk to people, even if you're not a gamer.
Gamers and weebs seem more likely to have Steam than Skype or Facebook or anything like that.
>> No. 18833 [Edit]
>>18828
Why do you have all those badges for games you didn't even play?
>> No. 18835 [Edit]
>>18833
I played a lot of games in offline mode. The hours don't show up in my profile. I bought and downloaded a lot of games and went without internet access for a while.
That being said, I haven't played all of those games. And yeah, the badges were a waste.
I made a lot of dumb decisions after surgery. I was on strong painkillers and it fucked up my judgment. Bought too many games. But most of them were on sale for only a couple bucks each though. I never buy expensive new AAA titles.
My profile is usually private, but I changed the settings so people can send me a friend request (or can people send me them even if it's private?).
>> No. 18839 [Edit]
File 141285597963.png - (74.96KB , 400x400 , 1269219619251.png )
18839
>>18832
It kinda sucks being limited to only being able to play 2D games, but they're agreeably fun. Maybe someday I'll try out Steam.

>>18831
It's a shitty Walmart PC. It can handle very basic things, but that's about it. I try to not have too many stuff running since the CPU is weak. It's temporary until I can afford one better than this one and my other one.
>> No. 18842 [Edit]
>>18839
You don't know how good your shit PC is until you try this...
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/606436
>> No. 18851 [Edit]
>>18842
It doesn't look like something I'd enjoy to be honest. Don't exactly play a lot of games anymore either, but I did test to see its fullest potential months ago with some random game called Rochard. Did pretty okay. Doesn't compensate for the fact it can't handle CPU intensive crap like Flash, Clementine player, etc. all at once.
>> No. 18852 [Edit]
This may sound stupid and maybe you won't be able to do it, but im gonna tell you what I did.
Basically I was a shut in and, just going to college.Then I started to take up a sport and try my hardest. I loved doing my sport, as it depended entirely on my skill and no one elses.
I was still same shut in but only I was brimming with life because I had a goal of becoming the champion of my country because of that sport. Along the way many people noticed my drive for the sport and how happy I was doing it. Basically I just got lots of friends because people want to be inside someone elses hapiness. Also I stopped really thinking. You know when they say mind before mouth? In this case its wrong, just speak whats on your mind,even if its something utterly retarded.People really like me for my lack of being carefree and I guess they can relax around me.

Basically you want to become happy and positive and people will naturally come to you.
Believe me.
>> No. 18854 [Edit]
>>18852
For reals? What sport? If this really happened why are you even here?
>> No. 18855 [Edit]
>>18852
>Basically I was a shut in and, just going to college.
>going to college.
>shut in
>> No. 18856 [Edit]
>>18855
As a NEET who's also going to college (while managing a part time job) I see nothing wrong with his post. You're just like my kids who say I can't become a wizard when I turn 30!
>> No. 18857 [Edit]
>>18856
>NEET
>Work, uni

You are funny guy. I like you.
>> No. 18858 [Edit]
>>18857
Great! Can I come over to your house sometime and fuck your sister?
>> No. 18859 [Edit]
>>18852
I don't think you understand what being a shut-in entails. It's not some trendy quirk you can brag about to your sports friends.
>> No. 18860 [Edit]
File 141310581922.jpg - (14.64KB , 145x281 , 1336070336216.jpg )
18860
>>18856
is it clown college?
>> No. 18861 [Edit]
>>18852

>I was a shut in
>just going to college.

>>18856

>As a NEET
>who's also going to college
>(while managing a part time job)

Oh you.
>> No. 18862 [Edit]
>>18859
Hs probably one of those uboachan 'neets' who wear black and think being a neet is cool.
>> No. 18864 [Edit]
>>18863
>>TL;DR fuck friends, find satisfaction in the way you are, not with what society wants you to be.

This.
I can't understand you, OP. You have skills, money and time to spend on whatever you like to do. Why the hell do you want to waste it all on people?
>> No. 18865 [Edit]
>>18864
I think it's more natural to want to find people similar to you than to want to be happy that you're so much better than everybody or aren't wasting your time with them, for most people at least.
>> No. 18867 [Edit]
>>18864
because I'm lonely
>> No. 18868 [Edit]
>>18867

The thing you don't realize is that having friends rarely solves this. In fact most of the time it makes it even worse as you will be equally lonely except among people.

I'm sure tons of people (I would even be willing to gamble and use a strong word like 'most') don't find anybody they can truly connect with in their entire lives. That's why everybody has 50 'friends' whom they talk with about the most banal, shallow and boring topics. It's a quick fix, like taking some painkillers instead of tending to the bleeding wound. The internet is the epitome of this with the likes of twitter and facebook where people post all sorts of shit nobody ever wanted to hear about because it gives them their social fix.

Moreover a person without friends has an additional problem - even if you'll find somebody you like it's almost 100% sure that you won't be on equal standing with him(/her). They'd have to have 0 friends as well. Otherwise you're likely to find yourself in a situation where you're one of many while he/she is the only one for you. In the long term it might turn unhealthy for the relationship between the two of you. I met surprisingly many people I liked in my life but each time I couldn't help I'm also in the 'quick fix' category as one of said person's 50 'friends'.

Last but not least from my experience two unhappy people trying to support each other might sound like a romantic idea in theory but in praxis it's just licking each other's wounds. If you're unhappy on your own you shouldn't rely on other people to fix you.

... Second last but not least - maybe it's just me but even though I longed for friendship more than anything in the world in my late teens I suddenly stopped caring a couple of years later. Now in my mid twenties I feel like loneliness was like mumps - something I caught but now that it's gone I'm immune to it. But again, this might be just me.
>> No. 18869 [Edit]
>>18868
Agreeing with most of this. Lemme just add, we're in a good position, all things considered, so try and lighten up man. We could do anything without minding anybody. Even if you never take advantage of this situation to its full extent, the potential is there, and that's liberating as hell once you realize it. I dunno, maybe I can just drop in bed fully clothed, wake up the next day and the first thing I do is go for a walk, nobody cares. In your case, you can simply show up in school, whereas I'll bet you anything most people around you have spent like fucking half an hour dolling up before they go out, they'll do the same pointless shit every day. Nevermind that whole social dance, with the small talk and minding your words, appearance, etc. It's really taxing in the long run, at least for me. Fair enough, as humans we might get the instinct to socialize. Ride it out, then this bad phase might become your good phase. It's gonna get better. It's never gonna be perfect though. Probably good at best. You can't have it all. I have my own problems, but they don't stem from this stuff anymore.

Sorry, felt a little inspired there. I just think we should count our blessings. Moreover, you have money, that's a whole lot of ways to distract yourself from your loneliness, maybe get rid of it for good.
Sorry that I don't have any advice to overcome your "bad" phase. If not having friends is being a loser then I'm all about that.

Post edited on 13th Oct 2014, 8:29pm
>> No. 18880 [Edit]

Post edited on 14th Oct 2014, 2:35pm
>> No. 18894 [Edit]
>>18880
Surely whatever you wrote was less humiliating than this.
>> No. 18911 [Edit]
>>18868
I agree with this so much. Maybe OP just needs to get to the point where they don't need/want friends either?

I only socialize anonymously now or in a setting on the internet where growing a friendship would never happen. Eventually you realize having friends is too much pressure if you already have issues you're working through, you're better off just talking with people casually and not putting that kind of pressure on yourself.
>> No. 20839 [Edit]
1 year later and I can't help but wonder if op managed to improve his situation.
>> No. 21999 [Edit]
>>18868
You're a wise man.
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