I want a shitty job so I can drugs and play videogames in peace.
When my parents die, I plan to an hero using carbon monoxide.

role playing games

Eva 4.0 and my family.

novels drawing and animating
waifu maybe tech will save me

The only thing that keeps me going is the overly naive and hopelessly optimistic possibility my parents will leave me enough to live off of when they die. Enough that I may live out my life in comfort alone away from other people with enough money to buy a life size doll of my waifu, and collect all sorts of toys and junk to keep me distracted till I die a sad and lonely death.

Post edited on 23rd Apr 2014, 5:13pm

Becoming a scientist, learning new languages, writing all I want to write and not sucking so much at music.

This year. I swear I'll finally get it done this year. In Septmeber if the summer will be over by then. Otherwise in October. Having funerals in summer is awful for 20342 reasons.

I think I just have a false hope that things will get better, despite not knowing what "better" would even entail. This is probably innate to most people because nature would select for optimism.
The closest thing I have to an idea of "better" is this image in my mind of leaving society and squatting in the country. A little shack next to a river with a modified generator and water wheel for electricity (solar panels and a battery bank would be harder to obtain cheaply). I could grow vegetables and kill rabbits* to eat. But I'm addicted to the internet, and there is no way to have that without money. To ever accomplish this I would need to free myself from my vices that keep me tied to society (internet, good food, convenience, ...). I can't see myself ever accomplishing it for that reason alone, let alone with the addition of more practical concerns.
So it's better for me to kill myself, but not better for my parents. I feel like it is my duty to die after them. Even though I'm struck by the meanness of bringing someone into existence and keeping them there through emotional manipulation, I forgive them and don't want to hurt them. If they died thinking I was happy then I could die happily.

*Morally I would prefer to be vegan, but practically I don't think you could subsist on vegetables you grew alone. More broadly I think the only way to exist morally is not to exist at all. As an example of this, if you live in a Western country you are exploiting people overseas from cradle to grave and there is nothing you can conceivably do about it - in some categories (e.g. computers) the only goods you can practically obtain are produced through exploitation.

I don't even know. I've tried to before but I just can't bring myself to do it. Something subconscious seems to be keeping me from just doing it.

There is always a chance as long as I am still breathing.

That's what I believe.

I want to get more into the occult and write books.

>>17262

If you're interested in occult here's a neat dictionary I found the other day, might prove useful to you: http://waa.ai/44vf

I wanted to be happy, to have peace of mind, to bear the weight of the world and yet have levity in life, to be a good person, dedicated, someone my waifu would be proud of. Those were the things that motivated me, to grow as a person. I've given up, those things are impossible to me.

For now, I'll help with my father's business and take on his dream, since I have none for myself. I'll give everything I have for it. I want my parents to be happy.

After they are gone, I will die, or wither away until I do.

Besides those things, there is nothing in the long term that attachs me to life.

Space travel, augmented reality, androids.

It could happen.

i'm moving out soon and am going to be living in a much better place without shitty parents and with great people. also i just started listening to a new artist who is pretty cool, and listening to his music makes me pretty happy. so things are going well i guess.

>>17271

Thanks. There is surprisingly little information out there, and that document seems to be of good quality. Although the occult literally means "hidden", so as such it isn't called that for no reason.

I have this ridiculous fantasy about living comfortably off the grid (not homeless, basically) in the mountains like a "real" hermit.

>>17377
Who doesn't secretly have this fantasy?

>>17380
I don't really think that it's much of a secret. For people like us, anyway.

Normals would get tired of such places since they need talk with people and other stupid shit like that.

I want to be an anime girl wearing a revealing top while walking in a bamboo field without my cute shoes on.

The only thing that "keeps me going" is the immediate lack of a reliable and painless way to die.
That and lethargy.

>>17281
Sacrificing yourself for others is noble, even if the reasoning isn't quite as noble.

Through the past 4 years or so, the only reason I stayed alive was because I made an internet friend who kept me happy, kept me company and was generally nice to talk to, but he has been ignoring me for the past month, so I really don't know if I'm going to stick around much longer, I can't imagine losing him completely, I need him.

>>17603
That's horrible. He's really been blatantly ignoring you? Like he'll be going online and offline and not say shit to you?
I really doubt he's going to quit if he's already been doing it that long.
I also have an internet friend who I have become completely dependent on. Whenever he's gone, even if just for a day, I find myself in a downward spiral of insanity, lost in my own horrid thoughts and self loathing. I need him, he distracts me from these thoughts. I can't imagine going an entire month without him to support me. You truly have my sympathy.

>>17603
>>17606
That sounds awful. I'm glad I never form close ties with internet people.

>>17603
>>17606
If your special friend is aware of this connection you have developed, it may be that you're burdening him with more than he can justify to take responsibility in. If he's unaware of the situation, then so are you vice versa.

I have a history of cutting ties so I may just be justifying my own crulity in what little ways I can, what do I know.

>>17606
Yes, lately he's been completely ignoring me in any message I send him, while I can see him talking with other people like we used to. It fills me with a deep anxiety every time I think about him removing me.

>>17609

Learn to not be dependent on other people, and you will avoid a lot of unecessary suffering

I dunno, lol.

>>20394
>>21080

Fear of hell, my "waifu", a weird desire to learn how to draw despite being close to 30...

>>21098
>a weird desire to learn how to draw despite being close to 30...
Don't worry anon. Anyone can cook!

>>21099
Anyone as long as they have a hyper intelligent rat ripping their hair out.

>>21100
Anyone as long as they're willing to put time & effort into improving their art.

>>21101
I have no motivation.

>>21098
Every time I hear someone say they want to learn how to draw, I want to help them and teach them. Then I remember I'm a horrible teacher and they deserve better.

>>21102
It's fun, it's a real job skill (though the market's pretty saturated right now), and if you have a waifu drawing her is a great way to "spend time" with her

11 years straight of handwriting classes and my handwriting is still illegible.

Some people just don't have the coordination required to draw. Effort is a necessary but not sufficient condition for achievement.

>>21116
Drawing and writing are nothing alike. I can't write well, my hands shake like a motherfucker, but I can draw. Drawing is more about your spatial understanding and putting it down on a 2D plane accurately. If your spatial understanding is fucked, then maybe you'll have a hard time. Shaky hand? Not so much. Not unless you have Parkinson's levels of shake.

The putting it down on a 2D plane accurately obviously requires some degree of coordination...

On second thought, never mind. I'm not even going to get into this.

Post edited on 24th Dec 2015, 10:13am

try and hit blackbelt in aikido

I enjoy committing crimes. I makes no difference what type, as long as I'm doing something bad and getting away with it I'm happy.