Having schizoid personality disorder for one. Being an only child with parents that never hugged me or anything probably didn't help much either. also can't stand physical contact with people much so there's that as well. I was pretty much cut out for this life style.

I moved to a different place at 13. Environment played a big part, shitty parents came in later (divorce, affairs, poverty, etc). I was pretty normal before that.

I'm not even going to blame other people. I'm just a shit person.

>>19390
Same. It wasn't my parents, society, or the people at school. I became shit because of my own shit personality.

Early childhood trauma and inherited mental disorders most likely.
Also in all honesty I just don't like being around anybody, no matter who they are. It's not their fault, but that's just how I am and have always been.

I'll pin it on my peers while in school. I rationally feared being together with the children in my class. I became depressed, and by the time I stabilised - I felt alienated by the antics of my generation. It's tough getting in if you've skipped 6+ years of socialising.

There actually was one point in my life where I had friends, even though it was the point in my life where teachers were constantly shitting on me for being different, getting in trouble and of course having bad handwriting. The great thing was that there were people with my interests at the time (pokemon and other things kids were into)

And then I moved, no one was into the shit I was into and talked about boring shit like the news and also into stupid games like Halo and Madden (yeah, I'm 19, it's more than 18 so whatever), they were pretty much like asshole adults inside the shell of children. I had no friends and was basically reduced to only being with myself, and eventually I got bullied, so that didn't help anything. At that point, I was forced into a social group with a bunch of guys I didn't like but was forced to be around because Aspergers. It was a shitty age where I had teachers fucking with me and students fucking with me. That pretty much shaped me into solitary loser and even after moving again, I never healed.

Post edited on 9th Jan 2015, 12:17pm

Having speech problems at a young age and attending speech therapy sessions that meant I had to miss of my normal classes. To an extent, that put me at a disadvantage at being social with my peers in both elementary and high school. I sort of got used to being a loner.

I've always been "the loser kid". I was born being a little shy, my parents rarely brought me around other children. Then when school started I was a little odd so I got bullied relentlessly. That only amplified it.

My parents constantly giving me mixed signals and never giving me respect didn't help. Feels like they've always treated me like a child whenever I discuss anything with them. In their mind they seem to think they've done some sort of great job raising me because I don't do drugs, I'm not in jail, and I don't have a child support payment to make. They want me to have one of course since they're also failures who've contributed nothing to the world. So they think mindless reproduction until one of their descendants makes it a difference will let them be remembered. Hilarity.

For a while I was really bitter about it and this probably sounds like it is. I've gotten over it now though and I just laugh at the extroverts. Constantly telling me I'm lonely and sad and should feel that way. If I don't feel that way then clearly I'm some kind of monster. Yet they're the ones who left to their own devices crumble to an insatiable appetite for attention. Looking back it's pure stupidity I listened to them. Now it feels so easy to see their projection.

/blog

For the most part It's just me. I got no mental disorders and I'm not socially incompetent but I like being alone. Video games and anime are a big factor, IRL interactions and activities were never even nearly as rewarding or entertaining as playing video games, watching anime, etc. I'm just meant to be this way, for now at least.

Who knows? The most friends I ever had was a grand total of one in elementary school, and a neighbor kid I apparently met in a sandbox when I was six or something.

Now, given the low amount of friends I ever had and not doing much with them, I guess I was an autistic fuck from the start. Remove the obligation of work/school through illness and surgery for some time, and truNEET is the logical conclusion.

I think I must be a pretty unlikeable person.

In high school, I had one friend but I pushed him away because I wanted to hang with the cool older kids. They obviously didn't like me around them but I sat with them anyway. I wonder what my old friend was feeling in that period. I meant to apologize but I'm a coward and couldn't. When my seniors left, I ended up hanging with people in my year, one including the friend I pushed away. This was the time of my life outside of primary school were I felt I was accepted in a group of friends. But they never invited me over so I never got their contact information. Lost contact once high school ended. They probably have facebook or some social network thing but I've been too scared to make an account and contact them.

In university I was a complete retard that never made any attempt at making friends. The depression and anxiety probably played a part, but honestly I think I was trying to be that 'cool' solitary guy who didn't say much. The internet was probably a part because I guess I idolized people on anonymous imageboards talking about social anxiety and not needing social contact.

Well, I've enrolled in a course at a local community college starting next month. Trying to make friends is one of my biggest anticipations and at the same time my biggest fear. This may be the end of the solitary life or another story to tell. I'm anxious about it.

I've always been lonely and reclusive. I often get left out and everything and it used to effect me, but now it doesn't. I have few friends irl, but I have plenty of online friends. I don't go out very much because I prefer my room better than anywhere else, where I truly get to be myself.

Not only that, but I am also generally disgusted at humans in general; even myself. I understand we can't be perfect, but some people take that phrase too far and use it to involuntarily justify their means. It sickens me when people create drama/bully people for the lol's or kill/abuse people/animals. I just generally stay away from people because 90% of the people i get close to backstab me or use me for their own personal gain (mostly humor).
But also, i'm a pretty shitty person, so that's a big part to why i'm so reclusive.

>>19424
>I was a complete retard that never made any attempt at making friends
I'd argue you did this specifically because you're not retarded. There's a wide variety of misconceptions that tend to circulate about having "friends" and regular groups of flesh-massses to make sounds at.

Social interaction is crack to a significant portion of human beings. They do it not out of utility, intellectual enrichment, cultural development or necessity. It's done because when they howl at other apes and the apes howl back, they feel good. Their minds have been conditioned to associate these activities with feedback mechanisms which induce pleasure. It's a product of vestigial psychological mechanisms and reinforced through a culture that celebrates it. To defer to this perceived value is to arbitrarily conform to the biological whims of lesser humans. I feel like shit when I have to endure platitudes, stock conversations, regurgitated opinions and thoughts designed by ambient political interests - so I opt to not participate.

The internet allows me to exert substantial control over interactions I expose myself to and is thus preferable to any other medium. When you write something you have the capacity to refine and properly articulate thoughts - the quality of interactions is consistently higher. Spoken language has a tendency to be sloppier and extraneous elements corrupt and dilute meaning. People also revert to platitudinous expressions because they've been conditioned to speak accessibly - I find this tendency ugly.

There is no reason whatsoever, barring evading stigma that irrationally gets associated with anyone who chooses not to accept moronic dogma, to recreationally interact with people. Superior options exist and the experiences enabled by the internet are more gratifying, substantial, novel and efficient.

I remember many points of my life begging for respect but I never got it, mostly because everyone would say "Well you never respect us"

Well, the same kids who said this never respected me and infact, always bullied me or acted like an asshole near me! I remember shit like that was why I was pretty much completely solitary by the end of Middle School.

>>19390
This

I'd say I'm pretty extroverted. I love people. They're interesting and fun for the most part. Human companionship is essential to life. I know that's hard to understand and I might be stepping on a few toes by saying such things here but it's true. I've come to discover that but it's just my personal experience.

I'm still isolated, despite feeling that way. I have severe self-esteem problems, social anxiety and I'm very depressed. I'm also obsessive - Tense or strained social situations can scare me away from interacting with others for months. It's even hard for me to make friends online due to being the way I am.

I think my family (or lack of) caused such feelings to develop. That's a long story though.

I did not choose to be the way I am at all. Social anxiety just happened one day and got worse and worse until we get to present day, where I am a recluse with little hope for the future who seeks solace in fantasies about how much better life can be.

It's saddening but I'm hopeful about changing all of that...bullshit.

>>19386
I don't fit in. Like nowhere... It's hard for me to be around other people. I don't like talking to strangers and I don't like being talk to. I like solitude but I kinda feel lonely. It sucks, Life is shit. I hate being born.

Im not sure what really caused it.
I think its because i had no drive in life, i sort of just drifted trough my life.
Its not that i cant get handle most people.
In school i would not really do anything just slack off, i had some friends there but i suppose they fuckups now too.
When it came to choosing a career i just didnt know what to do or how, i sent out a few applications but i guess it wasnt enough enthusiastic.

And well i dont know how to meet people either other than that forced stupid stuff that costs money and is fairly pointless doing on your own.

my voice causing my number 1 insecurity
I can still remember the day when I first listened to my self speak on tape. I thought there was another person in the room speaking over me as what sounded normal to me came out completely fucked up. video recorders have only got more prevalent since then and everytime I hear my self I shut right up till I forget about it. On the rare occasion I completely forget about all my problems and insecurities I'll be blabbing, making jokes, and have a great time all day. Unfortunately as soon as I become self conscious again I'm put into an even worse position as theres all these new people that are expecting the me from before and it turns into an awkward mess that throws me into a downward spiral. My voice has gotten better over the years but the damage has been done.

I like to hear about other people and their problems. That's partially why I spend my time here.

I hate the way I act around other people. I know that's really vague but I'd rather not go into detail. It's like when I'm not by myself I can't think. I'd rather talk to someone through text than through speaking. If I really wanteed to I could probably turn myself around, but I don't really want to.

>>19905
I feel similar. When I'm around people I don't feel fully comfortable with (pretty much everyone except my parents) I turn on some sort of super polite mode and I actively try to end conversations as quickly as possible. It was weird during my high school years since I had a friend I could be totally open with online, but in person my super polite mode kicked in.

>>19905
>when I'm not by myself I can't think
I experience this as well, perhaps to a more extreme degree. I either get locked into a state of introspection at incredibly minute aspects of the interaction or experience a total dissolution of personality where I lose all access to memory and sense of self. I've been utterly shattered by the most trivial conversations with residual psychological effects that can last for weeks. Another effect I've observed is that concepts and "intellectual" topics I was at some point well acquainted with become vague mental jumbles both during and immediately following exposure. As a result, interactions feel incredibly hollow and I avoid them largely to preserve what trace conception of self I'm for whatever reason content in perpetuating.

People have always appeared to get dumber in groups so maybe this phenomenon isn't limited to the heavily introverted. It's just so intellectually disruptive and crippling.

Post edited on 4th Apr 2015, 6:12pm

>>19907
Same.
INTP detected.

>>19386
My solitary life is a mixture of the habits I had when I was extremely shy and my introvertness. I want to have friends when I am alone but I become apathetic about it when with people like in a classroom. I think it is my inability to pick a side: be social or be alone. I had a close knit of 5 friends from elementary to middle school and I always try to compare my relationships to that. I want something real and not superficial but that mentality keeps me from making any friends at all.

Im shy and introverted. Never had many friends growing and was born with a facial defect, requiring me to have multiple surgeries. People tell me they can't tell but I doubt that. I feel pretty ugly and I'm pretty sure I am since I'm a KV in college with no friends.

A bunch of personality disorders and a huge inferiority complex make it hard to socialize, it's easier to stay away from people.

>>19942
When I'm around others I mentally become them. It's completely involuntary and I think it stems from an abiding fascination at how other operate mentally. I become so enthralled in mentally reproducing their psychology and interpretive perspective that I become unable/indifferent towards projecting a consistent personality myself.

I'm great at fighting games. Not so much interpersonal relationships.

Being alone feels natural. Media/society guilt made me try for a long time to resist it, with varying degrees of success, but ultimately ... I wasted a lot of time, I was always going to end up alone because it just feels right whilst being around people feels wrong. Can't think of how else to put it. Why do birds fly, why is the sky blue? I am a person who is supposed to be alone, nothing more to it.

>>19434
How did you become this eloquent? I really want to hear. Being eloquent is one of my life goals.

>>19959
Funny, as I actually hate my writing and speech.

I coincidentally spent the last four hours brooding over my tendency to rhythmically halt my own speech. It's usually done to evaluate multiple possible phrasings or recall a word that I feel is particularly suited to the context. It's very disruptive but if I settle for anything less I end up flagellating myself and becoming discouraged and even slower. I'm also prone to spontaneously making associations among things I think about and becoming more interested in them than whatever I'm currently devoted to putting into words. I'll also tend to simultaneously evaluate the implications my own thoughts if something particularly connotation-rich pops up. Ironically, people will think you're mentally vacant when struggling against all of these attentional sinks.

The only thing you can do is read and write a lot yourself. Every word you use has to have purpose; it's much like designing anything. Expose yourself to different styles and see what works for yourself.

I didn't choose it, I didn't do the party scene in high school, so I slowly lost all my friends, lost the ability to relate to people, fell through the cracks, got bad education, never given direction, because only bad kids get direction. I was at the top of social order, and now I am pretty fucked up, I am scared to go outside because I might meet someone I used to know, and they will know I am failure.

Honestly 90% of my problems are probably that I live in the city I do, if I went elsewhere I would probably be able to function as an adult, except that I don't know how to do adult things like go to parties or bars or hang out. Also I don't have ID, or drivers license or passport, and I don't know how to use public transportation, or pay bills, and I am scared to talk to people on the phone.

So I am planning on moving, but I am scared as fuck so it will probably never happen

If anything it's probably the computer and growing up with the Internet.
And for what it's worth, my parents carried me through life so I'm really dependent on them now and can't do shit on my own.

Anyway, I don't really have social anxiety but I just don't like hanging out with people. I had friends in school but meeting up felt like a chore, I declined to go to parties at times because I'd rather do X thing on the computer...
Basically I just don't feel like there's anything outside the house for me.

I still have contact to some IRL friends but I prefer to keep it online, and meet-up would only be courtesy towards them I guess. Always feels like a waste of time to me.

I never had a crush on a girl and I have no desire for a relationship, I'm not romantic whatsoever so while I have no problem with being a wizard I also can't really relate to this "helpless romantic/true love/etc" shit that most people in these circles fancy.

I wasn't perma-alone or bullied, in the end I just don't like going outside or doing anything with other people.

Bullying and other people forcing me into isolation very early in my life caused a host of problems that lead to me living a solitary life. I'm so fucking paranoid of strangers. I was going for a walk today and some teenagers honked their horn at me and said something as they drove by. All I could think of was that these people want to pick on me like everyone else, and they should just die.

Other kids called me annoying when I was in kindergarden. Every time I get close to someone I annoy them. And I wanted psychic powers like Sabrina from Pokémon who got them from being isolated. Also other kids considered me gay. And when I talk to people now I just can't carry a conversation.

Some problems others said: I also have little patience for stock-conversations because I hate insincerity so I resent the person for making me have them and myself for going along with them. I also was too lazy to hang out with friends (I have also always had this weird dynamic with hiding everything about my life from my parents and wouldn't want them to know I had friends.) I'm also afraid of people from the past seeing me now.

>>19902
I had this insecurity too, especially because I was afraid of sounding feminine and having a speech impediment, but now I care less because I don't consider that bad. I've found out that hating the sound of your own voice is really common though. Now something I really hate his how my mouth looks when I talk.

I have pretty severe OCD and anxiety. It persisted through school, and it was absolute hell on earth. I finally dropped out and became a shut-in. Pretty self explanatory I guess. I didn't really have many options, I was losing my fucking mind. Now the time's just passing me by. I get major panic attacks going anywhere public at this point. I'm pretty much a basket case.

The world is a shitty place filled with shitty people. I hate interacting with others (in person) . I don't even much like mutiplayer games and chatting with people online can be really annoying more often than not.
I view the outside world as a wasteland filled with parasites. Every time I step outside I feel like I'm at rest of getting mugged, arrested, assaulted, harassed, raped, or who knows what.
I'm a very cynical person and believe that every single person walking the streets out there is just waiting for their chance to fuck you over.

yeah I picked this way of life and I can't imagine living any other way.

I had a good child hood, but when I entered middle school I had trouble making friends. The only 2 people who liked me was this Ukrainian who barely spoke english and this girl who was really into hentai and 4chan(we were like 13 at the time). She left half way through the year and the Ukrainian kid got on my nerves a lot. It got so bad I asked to leave and go to public school because I thought it would be more laid back, but I only lasted a day. It was hell. Then I got put through home schooling at my grand parents house because my mom and dad were fighting all the time and eventually split. The homeschool program wasn't monitored, so I completed the first year and gave up. I was in the 9th grade until I officially dropped out at 18. I still had one friend at the time, but he only came over to play Elder Scrolls and ignore me. Then like 3 people in my family died and I had to move. I was already a hikki at this point, but I lost the one guy who came over to game with me. I've been alone ever since, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to recover. I really don't care anymore, I just want to take it easy on my own.

I'm not hikki anymore though. I used to be terrified to go outside for reasons others have stated, but my family bought me a car out of desperation that I would get a job, and driving around helping get over my fear of being in public. Living in a city actuality helps some. I feel like I'm just one in a crowd of many, which makes it feel like nobody is leering at me or anything.

So I guess all in all I'm alone by chance, but my mom wants to take me to a doctor because she thinks I have asperger's.

I have a really hard time with boundary stuff. I keep most people at a big distance because I am too mutable emotionally. That and I can stand when a friendship or whatever is entirely charity. I've never met someone that's even a fraction of the conversationalist an imageboard is. It doesn't feel like pissing down a storm drain to be an internet recluse whilst having to manually unplug every single person in your life from the culture botnet just for them to be able to hold the drool in is so daunting I'd rather eschew it entirely.