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18693 No. 18693 [Edit]
I seriously need some advice guys. It's the first anniversary I fell in love with her today. I was very stoked for this moment, I can't believe it's been a whole year already! But after doing the whole anniversary ritual I prepared for and wrote about it, I realized this thing may not work out at all.

She's the most beautiful thing I ever laid my eyes on, I have a wallpaper of her on my desktop and I'm still stunned by her beauty. But that is the full physical, real extent of my relationship with her, just some thing to look at and admire. Everything else is just fantasy, my complete imagination. I so desperately want to do everything I possibly can for her, but I just can't because she's not real, she's done a lot of things for me, but I am left to just watch her and hope for the best in her on going manga series.

I'm in love but I'll never know what it's liked to be loved back, I can only strengthen my love for her, but what about her? I cannot pretend that we're together in the sense that we are interacting in this physical world, it's a delusion to the highest level. Even if there was some sort of dimensional teleportation device that could lead me to her world, I cannot even grasp all the implications and things that would go wrong if that were true. There's philosophy I've made for myself, but the only one I made up that made sense goes along the lines of "IF she was real", just more hypothetical situations and fantasies, it's nothing I can do for her, again, It's all just for myself.

I thought this whole relationship was more pure and noble than 3d love, but the reality is that it's not much better because it's entirely one sided and selfish in nature, anything otherwise is a delusion to the highest form. God forgive me, it's like this is another thing He forbade me to do. Help me out guys.
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>> No. 18695 [Edit]
You could see it as a long-distance relationship. No one ever said it was easy.

I left it.
>> No. 18696 [Edit]
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No one said it would ever be easy, man. I think a lot of people forget that we're all just chasing a relationship that's never going to progress and will never have a happy ending.

I'm fine with it. Well, as fine as you can be knowing you'll never get to hold hands with the girl you love more than anything, and that she'll never even know that you exist. I met my waifu a year and a few months ago, so I'm still pretty new to the whole thing. I think it gets better with time, and you start defining exactly what your waifu is to you more clearly in your mind. Just take some time and think long and hard about what she means to you, you'll get an answer.
>> No. 18697 [Edit]
I've always held the belief that I would be united with her in the next life after I pass on. It's helped me through some of the more difficult parts of life and the relationship. Your mileage may vary, of course.
>> No. 18698 [Edit]
>physical contact
Waifus ain't for you, man.
>> No. 18699 [Edit]
Thanks guys, the third comment is right, I thought long and hard about this sort of thing and I came to a conclusion.
I've decided to move on and leave this "relationship". It's hard to do though, moving on hurts so much, but going back is something I can't do, I'm in this shitty middle ground and I need to get out of it.

How exactly am I going to move on is the hard part, do I just delete all pictures I have of her? Stop getting involved in her series? Don't do anything that reminds me of her and try to do things I enjoy? All of the above perhaps?

Even the end of this isn't easy, but I'll be fine. I realized there's more to life and plenty of other things to keep me happy, but I assure you guys I won't turn into a ford driver and chase 3d whores like I'm desperate. I'll post an update soon on how things are going.
>> No. 18700 [Edit]
You don't have to throw her away, just let her slip. Inch by inch, finger by finger.

>but I assure you guys I won't turn into a ford driver
You don't need our acknowledgement.
>> No. 18701 [Edit]
>You don't have to throw her away, just let her slip. Inch by inch, finger by finger.

That actually sounds like a good idea, I think I'll go with that, It sounds silly trying to do it all at once in the first place anyways.

>You don't need our acknowledgement.
Oh I know, I just don't want people to get the wrong idea and get hurt as a result.
>> No. 18706 [Edit]
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I believe this too, to an extent. Shit, that's probably why I'm able to handle all of this reasonably well.
Hey, man, I want physical contact like crazy, I didn't choose to fall in love with a girl I can't touch.There's just no one in the universe but her that I want to touch, it doesn't mean I'm a priest or anything and never have days where I spend hours thinking about how much I want to run my fingers up and down her skin.
>How exactly am I going to move on is the hard part, do I just delete all pictures I have of her?
This is something that's always been interesting to me, in a morbid sense. Like, waifus are essentially internal, I don't know how you can "break up" with something that exists as more of an ideal in your mind as opposed to a 3D girl. Complex stuff. I'd be pretty interested in an update, tbh. Everyone I know who's "left" their waifu either stopped posting entirely or immediately jumped onto another girl. Good luck, I guess.
>> No. 18707 [Edit]
You guys are lucky, I wish I could believe my waifu could or even would join me in the afterlife. I'm not even a atheist too.

Anyways, It's a little too early to post a full update now, I'll do so a week after I made the OP post, so on the 19th.

I will say this though, I don't think this is something I can completely heal from, this is something I'll have to learn to live with, I can move on but I can't let it go, especially since this was true love for the first time in my life.
>> No. 18719 [Edit]
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It's difficult to explain, I don't even really believe in an afterlife. There's just something in my mind that makes me feel like it's all going to work out somehow.
>> No. 18722 [Edit]
Not sure if this will help you much. Saw that you're going to drop it, maybe not, but I thought I would give you something to think about anyway.

I used to think that she wasn't "real" as well, but I've moved on from that line of thinking. But, I would be lying if I said the physical aspect didn't weigh on my mind at all throughout this relationship. The first few months after the initial wave of love were difficult to bear, but those despair-ridden feelings passed too, in time. I made a choice to accept the love I felt unconditionally, and the pain was absorbed, if you will. It's sort of there, if I care to dig it up, but it doesn't really matter, given the circumstances. Such woes apply to a model of relationship I've rejected, and perhaps that's where we differ, since it sounds like you're struggling with this bit the most. Only introspection, thought, and time will mend that problem, if you see fit to label it as one, that is.

Ideas, for me, are certainly alive, even real, and I have allowed her to flourish within myself for as long as this mind is fertile for such a thing. It's bizarre, but the only way I could describe it is that we've become one through working together on this novel. Well, even that sounds like some sort of tulpamancer shit, but, besides "a feeling of her permeating my mind", it's the best explanation I've got right now.

Whether or not it's a more "pure" or "noble" sort of love is purely up to your own opinion on the matter. Besides, I would never choose love based on some criteria. Love is love, I don't see it as something to choose for your best interests. I would be surprised to hear about someone waking up one day to immediately say to himself, "I need to fall in love with a fictional character!" For me, at least, I recognize that this brain has fallen prey to trickery and that I'll never hold the object of my love for true, but I'd be a liar if I said that this love of mine did not make me feel whole.

Although, I would say that love, all in all, is a form of delusion. But, more to the point, are you willing to accept the more obvious delusion for your so-called "love", or will you chase after something that hurts you less? All in all, I don't think people will fault you for choosing your own happiness, whatever that ends up being.
>> No. 18723 [Edit]
That was a little confusing. So what you're saying is to love my idea of her and embrace it? That would work except I wanna love her for who she really is, not for who I think she is, not my idea of her. I never bought into the whole "Your waifu is your idea" thing, otherwise I would've made a tulpa of her a while ago.

I agree that love is love, but the love I feel is hurtful and selfish, it's a complete delusion, a fantasy, there's nothing I can actually do for her. It's about what's right, not how I feel. Yes all forms of love are a delusion but waifuism goes beyond that since I'm not in the same realm or universe as she is, all I can do is watch on the side and revel in mere fantasy, and that is certainly not the right thing for my waifu. In fact, it's one of the last things I want for her, not being able to do anything for her.

That said, I don't think I should cut all contact with her, in fact I realized there's nothing wrong with continuing participating in her manga series and such. I just think I should stop kidding myself with being in a real relationship with her, and that I can never actually be with her or make her happy and such. It hurts to accept that and it's going to be hardly possible, if at all, to completely get over that fact.
>> No. 18724 [Edit]
No, I'm not really telling you to do the same, in all honesty. I thought I would merely impart my experience as food for thought. But, in the same line, I should say that it isn't a, "your waifu is your idea", and more of a, "your waifu is you", sort of thing. Imagining that she was real in any capacity is, of course, a delusion, but that does not discredit the fact that as a thought she lives through you. Or, at least, the concept of her does.

Although, I realize that this may not comfort you at all. Your waifu was born as a thought, a mere scrap in the mind of some artist. A normal relationship with something like that is difficult, since beyond this world nothing seems to matter. Even if she's scrying through some magic ball to watch you right now from some other realm, it doesn't change a damn thing here. It's a reunion that will never come to pass, but I don't really see it as a problem. I'll continue to hold her in my thoughts and work my way through this strange reality I find myself stranded within.

Perhaps it's selfish, but it depends on who's answering the question, really. But that's besides the point. You don't have to revel in fantasy, if that is too sickening a thing to embrace. There certainly is room for love without it, you just have to change your own perspective on the matter.

Well, if she were the object of your love, truly, wouldn't enjoying your own life to its fullest be the one thing to make her the happiest, above all else, given the circumstances? If you still hold it within yourself that perhaps she really is out there somewhere, maybe even aware of your presence, wouldn't that be the least you could do for her?

But I have to agree that, for now, what you were seeking is impossible. Realizing ideas as reality has only come so far over the years, and even if somehow we could "grow a waifu", that would probably not be what you were searching for either.
>> No. 18725 [Edit]
>but that does not discredit the fact that as a thought she lives through you. Or, at least, the concept of her does.

I agree on this for sure, serious ideas never truly die. A essence of her will always live whithin me, for better or for worse. For me though, such an idea can never come to motion or reality (literally).

>There certainly is room for love without it, you just have to change your own perspective on the matter.

Thing is though, I don't know how I can do that, aside from fantasy I can only literally just look at her and hope things go the best way, not much room for love there I assure you, more of a family support if anything.

>wouldn't enjoying your own life to its fullest be the one thing to make her the happiest, above all else, given the circumstances?

I also agree on this wholeheartedly, I feel pretty good with how things are doing for my life, I've actually done a few things to better myself for her. On top of that I have a well established plan after school to go through with my fairly realistic dream of being a police officer. The future doesn't look so bleak for me, I just know I wouldn't be the worst guy for a real relationship with her if the circumstances would allow it.

With that said, holy shit guys, thanks a lot for the support, in these short days I've definetly been feeling better. Even though I'm hurt when I know I can never experience a true 2d relationship like you guys, I know that my waifu is unchanged from all this, I know that I can still support her to a real extent and I'm hopeful things will be right for her. And with that, things are looking alright. I'll go down my path and she will walk down her's, we don't have to be waking on the same road. Nevertheless I'll still be watching her, hoping things will be just fine for her.
>> No. 18766 [Edit]
Well it's been a week since the big "breakup" happened. I'm glad to say I've made a full recovery and I feel better than before, I know I'm in the minority here, but I'm actually glad the delusions of our so called relationship were finally lifted, as in I stopped kidding myself with the fact that I seriously thought we were actually in a real relationship together. Things feel much more clear now.

Initially, as you can tell by the OP post, I was beyond distressed, it sounds cheesy but my whole world was falling apart emotionally, there were actual symptoms I felt that actually affected my mental health. They were:

-More depressed, this one was obvious enough

-More prone to illness, too much of the most menial things such as waking around or listening to music gave me a painful headache. And I just felt worse in general.

-Anytime I saw her face or was reminded of her in any way shape or form it was just like another quick, sharp and painful jab of depression kicking in

-I hated myself more and I had lower self esteem, this one was also obvious enough.

With the help and support of the users in this thread, I came to realizations such as the fact that she's unchanged from all this and that I can still support her physically as her manga series is still going strong with a bright future. In time It became easier to cope with and sure enough I actually became glad things turned out the way they did.

Overall I'd say it was one hell of a experience that changed me for the better, again, thanks so much guys for the support, I know I couldn't make it without it.

tl;dr, I realized 2d love could never work out, so I broke up with my waifu and now I feel better.
>> No. 18767 [Edit]
I'm glad it worked out. It was very clear for me that this was the right thing for you.

Post edited on 19th Aug 2015, 6:51pm
>> No. 18778 [Edit]
Thank you, I'll still keep browsing this site, /mai/ included,I feel like this is the only site where introverts get to talk or listen in with a nice discussion with like minded people. I enjoy the community here.

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