>>20596
yes ;_; i feel my mind is dead

I see it that if it was empty you wouldn't even be missing anything. That's the ultimate apathy. If you still feel you miss or yearn something you could try to do something.

>>20596
Every fucking day. And I can tell you what I am missing: A fucking purpose! I wake up for Nothing, I drag my body through the day for Nothing and I stay alive for Nothing.

Existence is Hell and having a consciousness is torture

>>20601

>no motivation to study

i don't need more/have interests

>no motivation to exercise

i force myself sometimes but it's only prolonging my life

I died on the inside some time ago, it feels like im drifting.
I used to feel hate and sadness and sometimes a bit of joy and hope with things i liked, but now i just dont feel anything anymore for some reason.
I need to try get back what i lost, i will have to quit the neet life and see if there still is something out there for me.

I used to have some kind of purpose, i still think i do, but somehow its like its not there but i know it has to be.

Yesterday, while contemplating an heroing I discovered how depressed and miserable my parents have always been and by proxy how I have been the same even before my life turned to shit. In two words I was born dead, also this >>20601

I'm in college and I don't know what i'm doing with my lifeeeee

Everybody is retarded with a retarded look of retard on their stupid face, and everything is fucking shit!!!! me included

I have no friends but I couldn't care less, I just want to read books and sleep all day

>Everybody is retarded with a retarded look of retard on their stupid face
This is such a strange realization. A few days ago my father was yelling about something and everything about the situation just looked ridiculous. That he was enraged over some petty thing or other, his face contorted as he expanded his voice to take up as much space as he could, it was all I could do not to laugh. I am sure that some semblance of a smile did leak out, though.

It is the same with every other interaction I have with people, though markedly less dramatic, but if anything I think that just brings out how unnatural it all looks even more. There is nothing else coming to the forefront to try and distract from it; the retardation is completely exposed.

Whenever I leave my room, my mother always makes a point to come out of her room and say that she loves me and then we hug. The inflections in her voice and slight positioning of her face that I'm not sure if she is even aware of highlights the absurdity.

I am a spectator of the world. I do not exist outside of the present moment. I do not engage with anything. I feel no affect from the happenings in this world. I go to the bathroom to piss and suddenly in a moment of clarity I discover that I am in the bathroom pissing and I do not recall the experience of walking from my room to the bathroom. This window I am watching from is largely fogged over, leaving this existence without context.

Why is it all so fucking retarded?

The sad thing is that most people are very superficial and shallow, and don't even realize it. They live on the surface and only pay attention to mere appearances, and I think that it is this that makes them retarded.

It takes a surprising amount of intelligence (or at least wisdom) to always keep in mind that you cannot rely on absolutes, or judge a book by its cover.

Are you interested in existentialism? It seems like you would be.

>>20755
I suppose I am, though I have not read much existentialist literature. I did read No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai.

>>20754
I relate to this heavily anon
That dissociation is my everyday experience. And the face thing. Faces are just super realistic masks. Life is weird as fuck.

>>20754
It's because everything is meaningless, really. I'm pretty much just living on momentum now. I've become reliant on that momentum to keep me going or else I'd just off myself. Not that I don't want to, but I don't really have the energy to. I don't even know if energy is the right word--I guess it's like I'm a ball rolling down a hill and it's easier to just keep rolling aimlessly than to force myself to stop. It's just that the hill is the most boring and worthless thing to have ever existed and there's nothing I'd rather do than stop. I know that once I get to the bottom I'll stop automatically, so I'm just waiting it out.