2d in real life? what?

>how do i get a really cute
Money, and lots of it.

>2d
Run her over with a steam roller I guess?
Alternatively, get a cardboard cut out?

>pretending-to-be-a-boy-and-not-pulling-it-off
Isn't this pretty much all women these days?

>tuxedo
Buy one and ask her to wear it. Most 3DPD will be willing to accommodate whatever you're into to a degree and that wouldn't be too weird.

>gf in irl?
Drop all standards and 'maybe' you can get one.