/so/ - Ronery
NEET is not a label, it's a way of life!

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File 13238983768.jpg - (77.71KB , 461x523 , agitated man in front of his computer with tears i.jpg )
8331 No. 8331 [Edit]
Is anyone else still being constantly harassed by their parents to be social and "DO THINGS"?

I wish they'd just give up or leave me alone.
Expand all images
>> No. 8333 [Edit]
Not constantly, but they do encourage me to "get out". More my mother than my father, because he has no idea how I live and I lie to him.

My only goal in life is to find my own place and be able to live with a minimum of human contact.
>> No. 8334 [Edit]
We all should build the Tohnomansion and live just with farming and internet.
>> No. 8335 [Edit]
Potato farming?
>> No. 8343 [Edit]
Oh my, do they. It's really getting to grow on my nerves, but I don't have the money to move out quite yet. Right now, they're doing everything they can to get me to hang out with this dull girl, but if it will make them finally shut up I'll throw them a bone.

It's not so much that I'm not social or don't enjoy doing things. With the right people, I quite enjoy socializing, same for activities. There's lots of things I'd like to try but I'm bad at teaching myself to do anything. I haven't found many people (any, actually. I have zero real life friends right now) where I live either. For some reason my folks think its their business to make me a master of socializing with people I don't like and trying out "normal" activities that I loathe because it's what other people do.

I do wish I just a few close friends, sometimes... but that's another story.

Also, farming is some backbreaking labor.
>> No. 8353 [Edit]
I am not harassed to do social things, but I am putting a strain on the parents bank account so I get the job thing too often. But honestly I find it hard to contemplate having anything in common with anyone my own age and I think it weird to go hang out with anyone outside my generation, and I don't really have any willingness to participate in a group activity when I could just do it myself. Though there is a Hacker Space in my city which might be interesting to join, but then you have to pay monthly fees, and I have no money. Also a bit to scared to meet people.
Gold Farming for the MMO players
One person farming to feed themselves probably isnt that bad, but then you probably wouldn't be able to afford land taxes and etc. But ya, give me a 1 acre farm for myself, and I'd be inclined to never leave it.
>> No. 8362 [Edit]
How do you guys deal with it? What do you do?
>> No. 8384 [Edit]
Well, I tried being social and doing things and I ended up with a crippling addiction to cocaine and Xanax so my parents are kinda glad I don't go out anymore.

Sad but true.
>> No. 8386 [Edit]
To be social you pretty much have to take up an addiction.
>> No. 8387 [Edit]
alcohol being the most common.
>> No. 8389 [Edit]
It's sad but it was the only shit that worked. As soon as I stopped taking drugs I wanted nothing to do with idle conversations, bullshit, and drama which is about 99% of all social activity.

I'm way happier off drugs and just being the way I am.
>> No. 8410 [Edit]
I wish my parents would have encouraged me to do something, maybe I wouldn't be such a fuck-up.

My father used to, he was a very strict man, too bad I couldn't appriciate it when I was a kid.
He later on divorced my mother because she's a lazy cow.
Needless to say she let me do whatever I wanted ever since, just stay at my computer all night and eat potato chips, fuck school.

>> No. 8411 [Edit]

what kind of potato chips?
>> No. 8412 [Edit]
Sourcream & Onion
>> No. 8413 [Edit]
"You're 20 years old, when are you going to get a job? You can't be like this forever"

Everyday my mother says that in some fashion. If constantly berating me was effective I would have a job by now, instead I just feel like shit all the time.
>> No. 8418 [Edit]
My mother gave me this line a lot, too. "When you gonna git'chu a job?" She passed last year. Dad hasn't been hounding me or anything, but perhaps we have some sort of codependent relationship going on as the only two in the house now.

It's hell when any of the older siblings visit, with profanity and rage followed by retreating into my room and drinking in secret.

I know full well I'm too damn old for this; I've been out of school for years. I really would like to go back to uni and get a job where I can mostly be left alone; perhaps I can find that in computer programming. I'm thinking I should swallow my pride and see if I can't work night shift at a grocery store or something to save money for schooling; I'd feel like shit asking dad for that again given how it's turned out so far.
>> No. 8428 [Edit]
Okay, I just need to let this out before I snap.

So, my parents always hound me about going out and "experiencing life." Now, I can agree that I would like to go out and do more but that's where our agreement ends. I would like to learn some new languages (moon), maybe do historical fencing, plinking, skeet shooting, etc... while they want me to do more "normal" things like going out to party, get drunk, fuck some promiscuous slutbag, etc... and I regard these activities as degenerate, disgusting wastes of time, while they see everything I want to do as "weird." Now before this wasn't too big of a deal, but they've recently been far more pushy about it, trying to force me to do this shit. What's worse, they keep talking about me behind my back (walls in this house are paper thin so I can just put my head to the wall and get a good idea of what they're saying) about how they're angered that I'm not "living life" (the way they want me to be) and how they've got to do something. Really? Why is that any of your business? So what if I enjoy being alone? Sure I wish I had friends... someone to talk to in real life sometimes, but not the people they want me to be with. Ironically enough, my dad is talking about me right downstairs. It's pretty pathetic that my folks can't even talk to my fucking face.

I loathe having "talks" with them. Anyone here know what I mean? It basically consists of them blabbing on about how I should be more "normal" (which they of course decide what "normal" is) and the only thing that changes afterwards is that everyone is a little more pissed off.

Before, they had valid complaints. They wanted me to get a job, go to university, etc... Well guess what I have now? In only a few months I will graduate with a high GPA, a minor that I didn't even know I had but will prove useful on the job market, and more than likely a stable job. Despite this, they now find irrelevant, stupid things to complain over (today was especially bad, they said I'm irresponsible... for not turning in all the information needed for a trip that's not due for 3 months) and they won't be satisfied until I fit their little mold. And it's really, REALLY starting to piss me off.

Post edited on 21st Dec 2011, 3:44pm
>> No. 8429 [Edit]

You should ignore their BS and live your life how you want. Who cares what your parents think, as annoying their persistence may be. Eventually they'll just accept it.
>> No. 8447 [Edit]
I just had one of those with my mom. Failed the algebra test, so she went on with all that "You do NOTHING the whole day but being in the computer! blablabla..."

I mean, my main motivation to study is get THE FUCK OUT of this house someday. I just want to know a way of living that requires little money. I just need internet, rice and water.
No, seriously.
What you say if I play lottery?

Oh Haruhi, I wish there were monsters and shit outside, so I could work as a hunter or something. I could go around killing things until the day I'm killed by them. That's life.
Don't know what I'm going to do now. Just study, I guess, and pass that shit so I don't have to hear The Mother again. I don't even care about this career, I just thought Hey, I'll be using a computer all day, why the fuck not?
But I hate it.I hate calculus and algebra. And I don't like any other.
>> No. 8448 [Edit]
Do like Kaiji.
I'm watching S2 right now, and the idea of having shitty jobs and barely no money sounds almost like fun right now.
>> No. 8470 [Edit]
Right now?
>> No. 8472 [Edit]

I really wish I could, but I still live with them and may have to for the next year if I don't get to do a class I need to graduate this semester.
>> No. 8474 [Edit]
Right now.
>> No. 8517 [Edit]
Yep. "You can't keep going like this forever" is burned into my memory. She suggested I go get a job at Harvey's. So I threw her a bone to shut her up. A job isn't really that bad. I just never involve those people in my life ever. I've gotten over anxiety enough to just sort of numb myself to the fact that they're human beings. It makes it bearable, though I'm still so unwilling to socialize, and still so socially retarded. Having money is good. Life is usually bearable as long as I have a place to be completely alone and safe, preferably in the dark.
>> No. 8567 [Edit]
I always think my parents might end up murdering me as if I were some failed experiment that should be terminated.
>> No. 8568 [Edit]
My mother doesn't encourage me to be social because she's just as reclusive as I am. My parents are divorced and I rarely speak with my father.
>> No. 8570 [Edit]
I told my mother I'll forgive her for having me if she kills me. Haven't spoken in two years.
>> No. 8579 [Edit]
>>Though there is a Hacker Space in my city which might be interesting to join, but then you have to pay monthly fees, and I have no money. Also a bit to scared to meet people.

Normally it's a donation-type thing and not mandatory. Though im not sure how your city does it.
>> No. 8581 [Edit]
Used to. then again this is the same mother complaining about me 'getting into drugs' and whatnot and.....just a clusterfuck eo mention/type out in a coherent manner

>>while they want me to do more "normal" things like going out to party, get drunk, fuck some promiscuous slutbag, etc... and I regard these activities as degenerate, disgusting wastes of time

they aren't as bad as you think. Though I recommend getting drunk by yourself first to sample the effects.
>> No. 8603 [Edit]
My parents just want me to be "normal" too. I'm sorry I just don't want to get married or have a 3DPD, I'm too brain fucked for a job, and no I will not drop everything I am currently interested in for things "normals like". I can't live that way, it just isn't me and can't be. Personally I want a bit of romance life with a boyfriend but that's as far into normality as I go. I don't know why they bother anymore or why they can't see that I can't change. I know for a parent that's hard but just treat me as an adopted child that isn't really yours and never will be.
>> No. 8604 [Edit]
They most certainly are. Getting drunk was the most degrading and pointless experience of my life. The only good thing that has ever come out of going to a party was laughing at all the sex crazed morons desperately trying and failing to have cheap sex with anyone dumb/drunk/high enough to fuck them.

None of these improved me. Quite the opposite in fact.
>> No. 8619 [Edit]
Thought this was relevant:

In a few hours I'll be going with my family (which I don't live with, except for my mother) to have a talk with the psychologist and psychiatrist I am seeing.

I am very nervous about this since this is more or less the first time we do something like this. I'm not sure what they will be talking about.

They only told me that they will tell my family to give me some breathing and stop telling me "DO THINGS" because that's not only useless but very negative for me. Or this is what I understood.

My family thinks the reasons I don't go out all excuses and maybe if they keep yelling at me sooner or later I will decide and do what they tell me.
>> No. 8622 [Edit]

>If constantly berating me was effective I would have a job by now, instead I just feel like shit all the time.

You know, sometimes I think that if my mother encouraged me and praised me based on my achievements (and believe me, I did a good job in academic areas, I studied aborad at a rather prestigious school and all) instead of always bashing me that I wasn't the very best wroldwide in whatever I tried to do my life would turn out differently.

Then I remember that I'm a lazy good for nothing hobo and stop deluding myself.
>> No. 8623 [Edit]
>Well guess what I have now? In only a few months I will graduate with a high GPA, a minor that I didn't even know I had but will prove useful on the job market, and more than likely a stable job. Despite this, they now find irrelevant, stupid things to complain over (today was especially bad, they said I'm irresponsible... for not turning in all the information needed for a trip that's not due for 3 months) and they won't be satisfied until I fit their little mold. And it's really, REALLY starting to piss me off.

I was in a same-y situation a few years back. I had health problems, kind of dropped out (you can ignore the 'kind of' bit), my mom went more or less batshit after that. But after a while I pulled my shit together and got back to school and did quite well. But every single time I fulfilled some of her demands (I mean really, I even cut my hair short - I never really cared much either way and she kept pestering me) she found two new ones to replace them.
>> No. 9560 [Edit]
My dad always wants me to get a job. Get a 3DPD. Get friends. "Get a life," as he sums it up. The only kind of 3DPD I could get in my town would either be a girl in her early 20s with a pound of make-up on her face and an IQ of 80 or a single mother in her 30s with 100 extra pounds. I've looked for jobs and never found a single one. And Haruhidamn it, why would I want to be friends with the men here? They're all Ford Drivers or drug addicts. If I want to talk to someone I talk online because there are actually smart people here.
>> No. 9562 [Edit]
My sister is coming to my mum's house next Wednesday to cut our hair. In the past, they've always been very good at teaming up and having a good whine about whatever I was doing wrong. It's been about two months since my mum bugged me about getting a job or going to college. My sister did the same the last time I saw her (at Christmas).

There's no way I'm going to be able to sit for however long it takes without one of them bringing it up. And I have no idea how I'm going to answer.
>> No. 9586 [Edit]
I'm in that situation at any family gathering often, I just don't say much at all and try to not pay attention to them. My family is also amazing at teaming up on me about everything.
>> No. 9596 [Edit]
The more time I spend here the more I realize just how lucky I am. My mother's big into alternative lifestyles and my father was a usually-absent workaholic type until just recently when he started to slow down. Also he's Italian, who tend to live with their parents until they're married themselves. Neither of them have much of a problem with my NEETness.

Rather, I'm the one who keeps pressuring myself to get out and 'do things', because I feel I'm missing out on my adolescence and that I owe it to my parents to be successful, but it's only made me miserable. It's taken a couple tries, but I've finally come to realize that that life just isn't for me.

When I told my mom I wasn't interested in finding a 3DPD just for the sake it, she was beaming.
When I told my dad I didn't want to half-ass it at a job I didn't care about just for the money, he said it was proud.

My dad does comment on my inaction occasionally, but it's always in a supportive tone, usually offering a suggestion or two rather than just telling me I'm doing anything wrong. Come to think of it, it's been years since I've heard him raise his voice at anything but the dogs.

End blog post.
>> No. 9597 [Edit]
My mother doesn't like me at all, we live together but hardly ever speak to each other. My father is also pretty supportive of me despite him probably hating me on the inside. (usually he's in complete denial that I'm such a failure or anything he doesn't like about me) I wouldn't mind a 3D but there isn't anyone around for me and I'm incapable of any serious relationship. Since I have nothing to do with any friends any time, he lets me come with him and sometimes some other family members on his side of the family wherever he is going out to eat on Friday and Saturday nights. Sometimes we do other things too together. So at least I have something to do as long as he's alive. To give me more to do he makes me do all the wood work in the backyard and I usually don't mind doing that. I'm thankful for what he still does for me.
>> No. 9656 [Edit]
run away!
>> No. 11606 [Edit]
My birthday is next week. I was expecting just another peaceful day, except for the knowledge that a year had passed. Well, no. My mum has invited her boyfriend (who I've never met) and my sister to come have dinner. Not only will I be forced to meet a new person, but I'll also have to be sociable for however long I'm expected to sit at the table. I also foresee my sister bringing up my lack of work like she always fucking does, leaving me with the unvoiced ridicule from someone I'd only just met 30 minutes prior.

I'm now absolutely dreading my birthday. This is honestly one of the worst things they could do "for me". I've said countless times that I don't want anything and that I'd much prefer just to be let alone. I've not left the house since January, I rarely leave my room, I have no friends, I speak to no-one, and I have never taken an interest in anything social, so why can't they just a fucking hint and leave me alone?

I'm sorry if this post seems overly mad for this thread.
>> No. 11607 [Edit]

Maybe act like you're sick on that day, and it'll all get cancelled.
>> No. 11608 [Edit]
My birthday is in a little over a month. There have been a couple new people in my family due it completely falling apart by people getting divorced, dieing, or being one step away from having no where to live. But they don't really bother me. Whenever my birthday rolls around all I ask for is a little money. But usually family will have some cake for me too. My birthday is a depressing time but at least I'm just turning 20 and I'm not too old yet. It's ok to be mad.
>> No. 11609 [Edit]
yes, and so does my therapist and almost everyone i know in fact

i don't want friends you fuckers, leave me alone
>> No. 11610 [Edit]
Although they don't openly express it to me, it's a safe bet that somewhere in the back of their minds they wish I was more social and actually did stuff career-wise; just so they can brag about what good parents they are to their friends.
>> No. 11611 [Edit]
I rely on my parents forgetting about my life to live and whenever the conversation ever sways to jobs or anything dealing with life I try to change the subject and if it's on their mind I do whatever I can to get their own life on it only.
>> No. 11612 [Edit]
My mom hasn't bothered me with anything like that for at least two years. She either gave up or (ideally but least likely) realized that her sitting on the couch watching TV all day is no better than me sitting in front of my computer all day.
>> No. 11640 [Edit]
give it until you're 22 or 23, maybe a bit older.. that's around the time my mother gave up on me. 26 now.
>> No. 11656 [Edit]
File 134714251961.jpg - (36.20KB , 575x470 , 1338987008824.jpg )
Did you notice that most of cases where oneself shuts himself are full of people with only mothers and no fathers? I mean women can't really be as harsh as men when it comes to a problem.

Though I live with my father, he really isn't being supportive of my NEET lifestyle and I predict it ending in a year or two.
>> No. 11657 [Edit]
Yes, I've been under the similar impression that a distant masculine influence is common among shut-ins.
A superprotective feminine one does not seem unusual too, and it's quite more understandable how that leads to NEETness and complacency towards such tendencies.
>> No. 11677 [Edit]
I live with both of my parents but was mostly raised by my father, I don't like my mother too much and she doesn't like me. Most of the time when I was much younger the only thing she did was yell at me or beat me up when she was mad and besides that she made me food. Now she hardly interacts with me at all unless she is nagging me to get a job. I have been and still do things with my father and some of his side of the family. He doesn't pester me much but I can see the disappointment from him sometimes. I feel bad to an extent on his part for needing to put up with me so much but I try not to be a pain. I would say I'm slightly influenced by him but overall I'm just me and don't show any traits of both parents, my personality is as far as gets from either.
>> No. 11693 [Edit]
It's suggested to be due to Japanese culture - 'Amae' - i.e. wanted to be cared for and loved by one's mother. Well the cases in Japan at least. I remember many /jp/ posters who mentioned that subcounciously some of their fathers might have suppressed themselves re. "masculinity" because they were strong men themselves. Or something freudian-esque
>> No. 12258 [Edit]
It's true. I am the stereotypical hikikomori (except I'm not Japanese.)

My father worked long hours for a large corporation and hasn't been very active in my upbringing. My mother was /is very protective of me and a stay at home mother. I have failed to create an identity for myself that is seperate to my mother (amae = mummys boy in the West).

I have often felt guilty about being a hikikomori, but when I see that I fit the hiki stereotype, that there are circumstances that were beyond my control, maybe anyone else with the same parents would have ended up like me too. Maybe it's not my fault I ended up as a hiki. Maybe it's my parents fault all along.

My parents gave up on me in 2005, when I was 22. They haven't pestered me to do anything since then.

Actually, I think they probably gave up on me when I was 17ish, but it was 2005 the last time they did the "talk".
>> No. 12267 [Edit]
I can empathize a lot with many of the issues in this thread; the constant criticism from parents, parents finding new things to complain about after you've rectified their previous complaints, distant father, being the scapegoat of family meetings.

Ideally I would like to get along with my family and wished they were supportive of me but instead all this attitude over the years has really damaged my relations with them. At first this made me really depressed about myself, but over time I just rationalize it away as them compensating for their own insecurities in life (whether true or not) to make myself feel better.

If one day I get back on my own feet, I am not sure if I wish to still keep in contact with them. If I did manage to get back on my own feet I would have confidence in myself and would easily ignore their criticism because I would know personally I am doing okay. The only reason I would consider this is because they are family; had this been treatment from any other group I wouldn't have second thoughts dropping them.
>> No. 12295 [Edit]
File 135115616147.jpg - (21.48KB , 755x323 , the wall - the trial.jpg )
>Maybe it's not my fault I ended up as a hiki.
Anno and Roger Waters would likely disagree with you...

But I think I get what you're saying: my mom was a Big Mama as well (and I don't even know my father); I wasn't even allowed to go alone outside the house, not even a block away, pretty much until highschool. It was really painful and violent for both of us and it took years, but I had to push really hard on breaking that umbilical cord, which I finally did about when I was 23 years old when I finally set myself free to go and do as I bloody pleased...

The irony is that it was actually a few years later that I became a hiki. Partially because that "bohemian" life outside was utterly painful and disappointing, and partially in order to make her company when she fell really ill and had to stay at home herself. I actually had set my mind to stay that way forever on; I thought: "My mom will never get better and go outside again; so I'll stay with her; I'll spend the rest of our lives making her company and trying to make her life more pleasent, living as a gentle hiki otaku until she dies and I as well may commit suicide"; but, those thing of life, she did got better, and so I had to start pondering once again what the fuck am I going to do with this piece of shit that I have turned my life into (since she also expects me now to do so: to go out and move on and live)...

So, anyway, and if you allowed me to tell you something, it'd be to try to live your own life, whatever it might be. Do not give up yet on this mother affair, at least because, if you do, in the end it will really be all your fault; and guilt can keep you alive alright (as I damned know), but shame is an insufferable bitch.
>> No. 12299 [Edit]
My mother was the same, never mind going outside more than next door, I wasn't even allowed to have any real friends, all the neighborhood kids that hung out with me when I was younger just did because the parents knew each other. My mother even went as far as trying to push me into an early relationship with who she wanted me to be with, she thought I was that dumb. When I actually broke free in highschool to an extent there was a lot of fighting between us before she just accepted she can't change the way I am. I just went through a period of trying to get a job at many different places, every one I got an interview for rejected me. Society doesn't want me, I have no choice and personally I don't want its acceptance either. I just want what I can leech from it.
>> No. 12302 [Edit]
>My mother was the same, never mind going outside more than next door, I wasn't even allowed to have any real friends, all the neighborhood kids that hung out with me when I was younger just did because the parents knew each other.

I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in this. And all my mom's friends' kids were either girls or nowhere close to my age, so they had almost nothing in common with me. Then when I became a teenager, she started wondering why I never left the house; by then, I had gotten used to staying inside and being alone.

For some reason, my mom's been letting my sister go out and do stuff as much as she wants. I don't know if it's because she realized that sheltering a kid is bad parenting, or if it's just because my sister is the little sports star mom always wanted (she tried to get me into sports as a kid, but I found it all boring; she tried the same with my sister, who loved it).

I often wish that I could go back to my childhood with my current knowledge and experience, just to see if there's anything I could change to improve it. I get the feeling that part of this is my fault, that maybe if I were more assertive with my mom, or if I just tried to do things without her knowing, then I would have been a happier kid.
>> No. 12308 [Edit]
Since we're completely in the 'overprotective mothers' territory right now: When I go out to borrow something from the library my mom still tells me to watch out when I'm crossing a street. I'm in my mid 20s. Pretty funny.

'Promise at Dawn' by Romain Gary/Roman Kacew/Роман Кацев is a great (autobiographical) novel which tells a story of his life with an overprotective mother. Highly recommended.
>> No. 12314 [Edit]
If I went back with in time with my current self and knowledge I would probably be able to live a somewhat happier life even if I couldn't change much. Back then I when I was a kid I let so many people push me around into trying to be what they wanted me to be since I didn't know much about me myself so I just went along and caved into the pressure. This lead to so many more problems down the road in my life and what could have been completely avoidable depression or at least depression over the wrong thing. As for family, I was an only child. My parents pushed me into sports because they wanted me to be their little sports star too. It didn't work out at all, I sucked so bad and there have been so many times where I was completely humiliated in front of a crowd of people. Then later in life I was the equivalent of broken by the mold my parents and everyone around me tried to put me in. So misguided and left behind in life that even when I did wake up my chances at being happy were long gone. When I was young enough I was looking in all the wrong places. I can't tell if it was all my fault or not. If I did go back in time, I'm not sure if I would still have chance since it would all depend on what others want to do with me once I can actually be myself around them.
>> No. 12525 [Edit]
Have you guys ever asked for instructions from your parents?

My parents always bothered me about this junk as well, but I decided to ask for advice and instructions to achieve what they wanted me to achieve. After discovering that they did not know what they wanted, they stopped nagging me. If they responded with some sort of vague answer such as "Go out more" or "Find a job", I respond by asking for a more detailed plan. Since they understand that I'm socially inept, they understand that they need to provide a detailed list of instructions, but they can never answer their own questions even if they put themselves into my shoes. Suddenly they leave me alone temporarily and I get to go back in front my faintly seducing dim screen! What bliss.
>> No. 16144 [Edit]
Funny enough, yes. This has been going on all my life.

when I was enjoying video games in my youth, Mom wanted to put a limit on how much I could play, only 2 hours for several days of the week. Ironically, I believe this made me look forward to and appreciate video games even more. Then when I would have friends over and we played indoor things, Mom would eventually kick us out of the house so we could go do stuff outside, but asides from a trampoline there wasn't really all that much to do so we got bored quick, especially since we weren't allowed to go anywhere (too young to have cell phones). This made me prefer indoors too. Mom would still constantly push for out doors, and now she pushes me to further focus on schooling or jobs or hanging out with friends, the first one I do (but not well lately), the second one I can't do because of schooling, and the third is hard since my friends live far away from me and I don't own a reliable means of transportation. She still pushes and pushes, and all it does is bug me every time she calls me on the phone.

Thankfully, she's been okay with just messaging me on skype. for tonight at least.

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